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Wolfwood was the only straggler still staring out the large window of the ship as it left the atmosphere. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that the big, round planet they were hurtling away from was the place he’d lived. That all he’d ever known- every scrape, break, tear he’d ever had- had taken place on that soft-looking sphere. It looked peaceful and small in the complete blackness that surrounded it. How could something that looked so simple cause so much suffering?
He’d been shaped to give pain on that planet. Broken and rebuilt into someone who could hurt others the way they hurt him. What business did he have leaving it, that place that birthed him? There were people who would be on this ship had he not killed them. Some innocent people, maybe, he didn’t really know. He didn’t know anything outside of that planet. He’d died on that planet.
The sound of a throat clearing startled him. He caught Vash’s eyes in the reflection of the window, bright blue shining out from the burnt orange planet.
“Saying goodbye?” Vash asked him, voice soft.
Wolfwood’s throat burned as he swallowed. He was thankful he’d left his sunglasses on, even if they’d become redundant in sunless space. He waited until he knew his voice wouldn’t crack to answer.
“Good riddance, more like,” he answered, turning from the window and leaning back against the rail. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Vash raised an eyebrow. He stepped forward until he was next to Wolfwood and could lean down to rest his forearms on the railing. “I didn’t spend my whole life there. I’ve been to space before. This is my home.”
He made a small hand wave as if to gesture to all of the ship, to all of space. Wolfwood grunted.
“You spent more time on that planet than anyone,” Wolfwood said, peering at him from the corner of his eye. He watched Vash’s face freeze like it did when he had to control himself, watched him put up his mask. It hurt Wolfwood like a hit to see Vash put the wall up right in front of him like that, even though it was only them here. Vash’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. Wolfwood watched him force his shoulders lax.
“S’true,” he whispered, and Wolfwood’s chest fluttered. It was more than he thought he’d get.
He turned around again, until he was facing the window with Vash, standing parallel to him. No Man’s Land was the size of a bullet in the distance, bright and pleasant. He could feel the heat of Vash’s body next to him, could hear the slightly-wet breaths out of his mouth. He waited.
“We lived,” Vash suddenly gasped out. Vash’s head dropped into the cross of his arms. “Shit.”
Wolfwood watched a droplet of water splatter on the grey tile beneath their feet. His hand spasmed like it wanted to reach out, but he clenched down on the feeling. He knew what he wanted to say, what he’d wanted to say for a long time. He let that thought go, told himself that he left those words behind on the speck of dust that was the planet in front of them, and opened his mouth to say the only other thing he could think to say.
“‘Cause of you, Vash.“
He kindly ignored the sounds muffled into the arms of Vash’s sweater as they kept watching the planet get smaller and smaller until they couldn’t see it any more, but only because Vash did the same for him.
——
What they don’t tell you about surviving a near death experience is that it’s a real shit disturber. You don’t get to just get back up and jump around again like nothing changed. Pretty damn near it, physically, in Wolfwood’s case, but mentally? He didn’t think he was a shining example of well-adjusted pre-death, and dying hadn’t done him any favors.
Because Wolfwood had realized in his final dying moments on an uncomfortable sand dune surrounded by snotty children and Vash- the biggest, snottiest child of them all- that he loved Vash. He realized he loved Vash deep down into his bones, in a way that made him irrational and dangerous and hopeful and wild. It made him follow Vash blindly, trust him implicitly, throw himself into the fray of inhuman megalomaniacs recklessly, devotedly, from the moment he’d met him. And in that last instant of his life, he swore he’d do anything to just get one chance to let Vash know.
And then he’d fucking lived. He hadn’t counted on that.
And, listen, Wolfwood knew he shouldn’t treat an answered plea from the big guy upstairs like an inane thought mysteriously floated in the mushy fried synapses of his dying brain. He knew he couldn’t ‘Who said that??’ his internal thoughts overheard by an omniscient god. But what god didn’t realize was how absolutely wild it was to survive certain death. That new lease on life high was no joke. It could completely reframe the entirety of someone’s existence. And for Wolfwood it reframed it to: eh, why rock the boat? He was Vash’s- ugh- best friend. He knew that to be true mostly because Vash had a social circle made up of his ancient parents, two madly in love lesbians, and children, but also because Vash- ugh- told him so. And Wolfwood didn’t want to lose Vash just because he got greedy, always wanting more. No, surviving certain death meant that Wolfwood realized how short life really was, and it was too short to risk ruining the good things he already had. He had Vash in his life, had a life for him to be in. Better to keep anything more he may want to himself.
So he’d resigned himself to a future trailing along after Vash as he undoubtedly rushed headlong into new adventures on a new planet, bopping and hopping into new people until Vash probably found some lovely person to be with and then Wolfwood was left alone- but alive, miraculously- on a foreign planet. The fact he got to have a future at all felt like an against all odds chance. He had to appreciate whatever he got, even if it was only a single instance of Vash’s teary face over him, clutching his hand like it was precious, and nothing more. He could live off that for a lifetime, surely.
——
Wolfwood had been on the new ship- traveling in space, fuck, what was his life- for two weeks when it happened.
“Nicholas,” Brad said gruffly, nodding at him in the hallway.
“It said I could smoke here,” Wolfwood answered hurriedly, pointing to the world’s- universe’s? fuck, he didn’t even have a world anymore- oldest, grungiest ‘No Smoking’ sign. The ‘No’ was helpfully half-scribbled out in pencil. There was a caricature of a very hairy, veiny dick next to it spurting liquid.
“What?” Brad asked, face scrunched in confusion. “No, that’s not what I’m here for.”
Wolfwood hadn’t exactly built rapport with Vash’s parents. Aside from a few stinted conversations with Luida, a few manly nods to Brad in the hallway, they really hadn’t interacted much, at all. Wolfwood was beginning to believe he was not ‘great with parents’ in the way that Milly frequently bragged about. She’d had Meryl’s parents in her pocket about two minutes after getting on the ship. Not that their situations were comparable at all, obviously, since Vash and Wolfwood were not together like Milly and Meryl were. He and Vash were just two- grown- best friends, one of whom was in love with the other and was coping with it.
And it was important to remind himself that he was coping with ignoring his feelings so that he didn’t make it awkward while he was talking to his- cough- beloved’s dad. His beloved’s dad who was scowling and mumbling something about ‘smoke probably still not good for the air neutralizer but-.‘
“Forget it- I only came to find you to tell you to put a stop to this.” Brad waved a hand vaguely in the air. It was disturbingly Vash-like.
Wolfwood lent over to look around behind Brad and saw nothing.
“Stop what?” he asked.
Brad blew out a heavy breath.
“Listen, kid, I didn’t choose this, ok? I never read What to Expect When You’re Expecting even though Luida kept sneaking it into my cryochamber and I’m not gonna start now. Sometimes life drops an ageless alien kid on your doorstep and you just gotta take care of it, that’s all there is to it. Like a stork but for ET.”
Wolfwood felt sweat start to gather at the back of his neck. It was like Brad was speaking a foreign language and it was freaking him out. Surely Milly didn’t have to deal with something like this, it wasn’t fair.
“But I got forty bucks and one of the last pints of Dippin’ Dots ridin’ on this thing, so you’re gonna help me out or I’m gonna forbid Vash from seeing you. Now, I know this doesn’t sound like much coming from me- but life is short. You don’t get a lot of chances to be happy. So you gotta grab life with both hands, you know?”
Wolfwood choked on his next exhale.
“W-what?”
“You’re making the whole damn ship sick, with your late night snacks in the mess hall and him ‘showing you the breaker room’- we all know what that means.” Brad even made the air quotes with his fingers like Vash would have, except Wolfwood had no idea why there were air quotes being used.
“I- I wanted to see the engine? I brought Angelina and have her hid in the hangar but she’s not runnin’ an-“
“Don’t tell me about the contraband you’ve snuck on the ship, damn it, I’m a mandatory reporter! I wrote the damn contraband list, for fucks sake!”
Wolfwood snapped his jaw shut. He decided his best course of action was to be silent. He watched as Brad ran his hands down his face in frustration before steepling his fingers together.
“Point is- Vash likes you. Now, you got until Friday, alright? I said it’d happen before we reached Tau Ceti. Who knew you two would last so long.”
And before Wolfwood could share his life and death situation epiphany or that it was Wednesday, and already late afternoon at that, Brad had turned around and left.
——
Milly was laughing at him. Again. And she’d looped Meryl in this time, too.
The two of them were sitting sickeningly sweet and close together across from him in the mess hall. He’d just finished tracking them down and telling them about his weird almost-conversation with Brad and instead of matching his confusion, they’d busted into loud giggles and fell against each other.
“Alright- hey! Alright!” Wolfwood said, glaring at the staring passerby’s. “Don’t know what’s so funny- the old man clearly had somethin’ knocked loose in his last defrostin’. We probably oughta tell Luida to not let him near the wheel or whatever the hell flies this thing.”
The laughter had finally settled as Milly’s transferred to hiccups and Meryl rubbed her back soothingly while wiping tears from her own eyes.
“Sorry,” she sighed out. “God, it’s just so funny. I told him he was giving you guys too much credit.”
“What?!” Wolfwood cried. “You-?!”
“Yeah, I said it’d be until we reached the new planet at least, but he swore-“
“You got ‘bout two seconds to explain the me what the fu-“
“Wolfwood,” Milly interrupted reproachfully as a small family hurried by, the parents covering their children’s ears and glaring. Sue him, Wolfwood wasn’t used to being in such close quarters with all these soft families.
He huffed but waved an apology before looking expectantly at Milly.
“There may be a small- innocent and well meaning!-“ She cleared her throat before speeding up her words. “-betting pool about when you and Vash will get together.”
She shrugged when she finished as Wolfwood gaped at her.
“What?!” he cried. “You’re all out here makin’ bets on-!“
“I’m not!” Milly insisted. “I said it wasn’t fair since I know about your vow of born-again true love celibacy! But everyone else, yes.”
“It’s not born again- Everyone?” Wolfwood asked, looking around furtively.
Meryl scoffed.
“Not strangers, idiot,” she answered. “But people who actually know you two? Yes.” She looked at Milly who raised an eyebrow at her. “Ok, well, yeah, I guess a few strangers. Just the ones who have seen you guys having your ‘good night’ staring contests and your breakfast dates and-“
“Wha- those aren’t! What?” Wolfwood interrupted, spluttering. “That’s not happening!”
Meryl gave him a flat look.
“Ok, sure.” She looked at Milly and fake-whispered, “This is why I’ll win.”
“This is so- gambling is a sin, ya’ know!”
“You do need to disqualify Brad for interference, though,” Meryl continued, ignoring his outrage. “I mean, he could have just set them back months!”
“That’s true! I hate to have to do that, but we don’t know what this has done to the odds. I’ll call a team meeting tonight.”
“Hello!” Wolfwood yelled and waved a hand between their faces. “No! No team meeting- there shouldn’t even be a ‘team’!” He pointed. “You’re supposed to be his friend!”
Meryl rolled her eyes. “Using financial pressure as personal leverage is friendship, undertaker. You just don’t know cause we’re your first friends.”
Wolfwood was fuming, not least because she kind of had a point. Milly gave a comforting pat to his clenched fist.
“Besides, didn’t you say that you would never tell Vash about your feelings? Because life is too short to risk happiness or something?”
Wolfwood let himself deflate as Meryl scoffed. He flicked her forehead, absently, ignoring her slapping hand, but nodded.
“Then there’s nothing to worry about!” Milly finished. “Just ignore him.”
Wolfwood bit his lip and shrugged. “He threatened me, don’t know if I should just ignore him.”
“Yes, with forbidding Vash from being with you. What’s the harm in that if you don’t think Vash likes you anyway and you’ll never say anything to find out for sure because of your whole new life, new me, situation?” she said, simply.
Wolfwood wasn’t sure why that answer, while true, felt so wrong.
——
All the ex-population of No Man’s Land were required to spend a minimum 90 minutes in the sun room daily. This was apparently meant to keep them from going insane with cabin fever. While those that had lived on Home their whole lives never knew any better, the NMLs were used to wide, airy spaces that not even comfort and stability could substitute for.
And while the artificial outdoors did its job of giving them the much needed opportunity to stretch their legs and get some false-sun vitamin d, it was also a marvel of foliage that the NMLs had never seen. All this led to a daily few hours of children and adults marveling wildly around them- rolling in grass, smelling flowers, climbing trees. Wolfwood found it all a bit overwhelming, too used to crowds meaning danger to fully relax in the joyful atmosphere. But Vash adored it. He made sure every single day to come visit the sun room at the same time as the mandated visits and smile serenely at the people wandering around. Like he was in awe at this peace, no matter how hard won. It did something flippy to the soft bits of Wolfwood’s stomach to see him so happy.
“Agh, alright, alright, give the old man a break, jeez!” Wolfwood said, tossing the ball back towards the mass of children he’d been playing kickball with.
That last run had pulled something in his side and he was still adjusting to having every day aches and pains. He grimaced as he pressed a hand to the stitch and shuffled himself down to the ground until he was sat next to Vash under the nearest tree. His shoulders bumped Vash’s on the way down, who pressed back into him.
“Play with ‘em he said, it’ll tucker ‘em out he said,” Wolfwood grouched.
“Uh, I believe it was you who saw them lining up for teams and said you were the best pitcher in the northern dunes,” Vash laughed.
“Yeah, yeah, yuck it up. You know it’s only a matter of time before they stop bein’ scared of ya and start makin’ you join. Then you’ll be the one cryin’.”
Vash hummed. “Your side still hurting?”
Wolfwood grunted.
“Yeah, I guess you never really learned to stretch, huh?”
“Not used to it, s’all,” Wolfwood answered. “‘S like I can get shot straight through no problem, but a headache takes me down. Body’s gotta adjust to-“ He wiggled a hand back and forth in the air.
Vash nodded like this made sense, even though Wolfwood wasn’t sure it did. He sighed as he let his head fall back until it hit bark. He sat up quickly at the thud and rubbed the back of his head, glaring.
“Poor baby,” Vash said, smothering a laugh. “Can’t win for losing.”
“Shuddup,” Wolfwood grumbled.
“Don’t be like that,” Vash said, smiling. “Here, why don’t you rest your head on my lap? You can close your eyes for a bit and relax.”
Wolfwood could feel the heat spread on his face. Curse this fuckin’ ship with its perfect temperature controlled rooms; he couldn’t even blame it on the heat. He shoved at Vash’s shoulder with his own again.
“Fuck off.”
“I’m serious!” Vash said, grabbing Wolfwood’s arm and shoving his head down until it was on top of his lap. Wolfwood put up a protest the whole while, but it was so easy to forget that Vash- for all he looked like a twig in a big red jacket- had wild, crazy plant strength. And the easy demonstration of how he could tug Wolfwood around until he was right where he wanted him, even here, surrounded by other people, was putting a horrible heat in his gut that had him quickly submitting to Vash’s manipulation. Vash set him down with his head was pillowed on his thighs, helped settle Wolfwood’s hands crossed on his stomach until he was laid as if he’d just peacefully listened when Vash had suggested it.
He could feel how tightly his body was tensed. He probably looked like a dead body, especially in comparison to Vash’s casual sprawl in the grass. Wolfwood knew he was overprotesting. If it was anyone else offering he’d- okay, he’d never have let another person, no matter how strong, wrestle him onto their lap. But he also couldn’t act so bothered by Vash doing it. There was a time- pre-love realization- he would have complained for hours that Vash owed him a drink just to rile Vash up. He’d made a point several times to steal Vash’s last double dollar for a pack of cigs, whining about how Vash drove him to addiction. He had a history of putting Vash out just to remind him Wolfwood was here, loud and obnoxious and not leaving. There was no reason he shouldn’t have taken Vash up on the offer to lay down after Vash had laid back and laughed at him chasing around the kids.
Wolfwood had closed his eyes in the struggle, but he forced them open as he slowly made himself untense. Wolfwood gulped. The artificial sky was shining through the leaves above them, creating a halo around Vash’s head. He was looking down at Wolfwood as he brought a hand up and carded it through Wolfwood’s bangs. The smile on his face was one Wolfwood had only seen a few times, crooked and soft, quiet. Vash tapped the tip of a finger between Wolfwood’s eyes.
“You’re getting a wrinkle here,” he said.
Wolfwood slapped his hand away.
“Geez, thanks, Spikey. Sorry we ain’t all eternally youthful. Any other complaints?”
“Not a complaint,” he answered. “I like it. Makes you look distinguished.”
Wolfwood huffed a laugh. “Think the word you’re lookin’ for is ‘old.’ Specially with the-“ He waved a hand up towards his head; Vash shook his own in response.
“I like the hair even more,” he said. Wolfwood could feel the disbelief on his face- probably highlighted by the crease between his eyes. “I do! It means you’re- you know.” Vash suddenly got a little quieter. “You lived.”
“Vash-“ Wolfwood couldn’t do anything but stare as Vash kept brushing back his hair, soft and careful.
It felt so unnatural to see Vash’s wide-open face in the bright sunshine, surrounded by greenery and laughter. He was so used to Vash being closed off and hidden behind closed doors. Wolfwood usually had to pry his thoughts out with a crow bar, but here Vash was being honest in the sunshine, people all around him. Wolfwood could have sworn Vash’s eyes were a little wetter than they’d been a minute ago. How had he been in shootouts for their lives with Vash’s face completely unreadable but here, laid out together under a bright, blue sky, he was crying?
“You ain’t gettin’ rid of me that easy,” he said, when the silence had gone on too long. It was only Vash’s surprised laugh that made Wolfwood realize how long they’d spent looking at each other, tears falling on Vash’s cheek.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He wiggled his head on Vash’s lap as if he was getting more comfortable. “Too hard to find a new pillow.”
“Hmm, I’m sure there’s more comfortable spots out there,” Vash said, shrugging like he thought he was just being honest. “I got a couple spots of hardware on my left thigh and my knee is-“
“Vash,” Wolfwood interrupted. “You’re perfect.”
Vash froze. Wolfwood immediately wished he could choke himself into silence.
“Oh, uh, I mean-“
“Mr. Wolfwood! Are you feeling better yet? Jenny keeps kicking the ball into our faces again!”
They were both startled by the interruption. Wolfwood shook himself, thankful, and hurried to sit up. He realized Vash’s hand had stayed in his hair as his head was held down for a second before Vash quickly took it out, shaking it about in the air.
“Uh, duty calls,” Wolfwood said, standing and pointing a thumb behind himself. “I’ll, uh, see you later?”
“Yep,” Vash answered, almost too fast.
Wolfwood thought, for just a second as he looked back at where Vash was lounging, that Vash was blushing. But then Jenny kicked the ball straight into his face.
——
Vash’s room was one of Wolfwood’s favorite places in the worl- universe. The juxtaposition of Vash’s personality against the cold, standard issue metal walls calmed the part of Wolfwood that felt like a trapped animal in the hulking ship. And the novelty of it- getting to see pictures of Vash when he was younger surrounded by smiling people, his threadbare bedspread, his collection of compact discs with pictures of supposed singers in outrageous outfits.
Wolfwood was sprawled on Vash’s bedroom floor, shuffling through the plastic cases. Thankfully he and Vash had long ago eroded the other’s sense of privacy, so he didn’t feel weird about being in Vash’s room without him present. He’d found himself entranced by the colorful pictures that made up the cover of each disc. Vash had laughed at him the first time he showed up to find Wolfwood sitting in silence just staring at albums before showing him how to play them on the rickety player, but Wolfwood was still wary of playing the music by himself. Vash has explained how smudges and scratches could cause the songs to skip or the discs to not play as he’d lifted them carefully from their case with a thumb and finger. There was no way Wolfwood would let himself be the one to break one, even if Vash had insisted it was fine if he did.
He was creating a pile of ones he was interested in listening to when Vash burst through the door.
“-s absolute bullshit! I’m older, technically, and- oh, fu-“
Vash tripped over Wolfwood’s calves.
“Watch it, blondie. Jeez, what’s the rush? We’re all goin’ to the same place,” Wolfwood said. He pushed himself to sit up and watched as Vash steadied himself on his dresser.
“Sorry, sorry, are you okay? Sorry, forgot you could be here.”
“Oh,” Wolfwood swallowed. “I can leave, lemme jus-“
“No!” Vash interrupted. “No, that’s not what I- no, I’m just- Brad was- whatever, it’s not important. What are you doing?”
Vash sat down next to him in front of the music player. Wolfwood watched him curiously. For all Vash’s flailing, he didn’t usually stumble over his words like that. Wolfwood gestured at the albums fanned out in front of him.
“What’re you wanting to listen to?” Vash asked. But his tone was still taut like he was still mad.
Wolfwood was a little unsettled seeing Vash so tense in his own room. Usually he was the most relaxed Wolfwood had ever seen him here; it was half the reason Wolfwood found it such a nice place to be. Vash letting himself feel completely safe and comfortable was still a novelty. Wolfwood grabbed a disc at random from the floor and handed it to him.
“Hmm, oh- Slayyyter?” Vash cackled. “Yeah, you’re not ready for Slayyyter.”
Wolfwood bristled- he could handle anything these loser old people could sing at him- but let it go since it got Vash to relax his shoulders a little. Vash shuffled through Wolfwood’s pile until he found something he liked and set it in the player. As the opening notes played, he huffed out a sigh and let himself fall back to lay on the ground. Wolfwood stared at him disconcertingly. He was still learning what to do with a sad Vash that didn’t just need a good screaming pep talk or to get absolutely wasted.
“Um,” he said, haltingly laying down next to Vash. “‘s everything alright?”
Vash brought his hands up to his face and groaned into them. Wolfwood watched him struggle with himself.
“I guess-“ He paused to swallow. “I don’t know. I think. I’m starting to realize. I maybe have some things to work through.”
Wolfwood barked a laugh before he could stop himself. He grimaced at the scowl Vash directed at him for it.
“Sorry, sorry, that was-“ Wolfwood smothered his smile. He cleared his throat and tried to look concerned. “What makes you say that?”
“Fuck you,” Vash said, shoving him. He had a wobbly smile on his face that he tried to hide. Wolfwood cracked a smile back.
“Nah, come on, I’m listenin’. What makes you think you got shit to work through, huh? You’re the picture of a normal, two hundred year old Plant that spent all that time being hunted by an entire planet, I don’t get it.”
Vash rolled onto his stomach to moan into the floor as Wolfwood laughed. Vash turned his face to rest it on his folded arms and looked at Wolfwood. It was only then that he realized how close they were on the ground. All the laughing had made their bodies lax and comfortable, sprawled out. Wolfwood could feel the breaths from Vash’s mouth on his face and he should’ve made fun of him for it, but, for some reason, it just made him swallow. He realized they’d been staring at each other for long enough that it’d settled them again. Soft music from the player made it feel intimate and close, and Wolfwood could admit to himself he liked what Vash had picked out for them, but it was dangerous. Wolfwood wasn’t sure what to say.
Vash’s face fell again. Vash slowly reached a hand up towards Wolfwood’s face and his pulse raced. He ran his fingertips over the shell of Wolfwood’s ear.
“You had to grow up too fast,” Vash whispered, sudden and soft.
Wolfwood ignored the way that hit him in the solar plexus. Vash was the last person who needed to tell him that, no matter how good it felt just to hear at all. Wolfwood shook his head slowly, making sure it wasn’t hard enough to dislodge Vash’s hand. Embarrassingly, he felt his eyes start to water.
“Don’t-“ he started. But then he looked around at where they were- Vash’s room in his home. Iles and iles from that hot, hateful planet. If Vash could be open here, maybe Wolfwood could be, too. Wolfwood closed his eyes, let a couple tears fall, and tried to be brave. “You, too.”
Vash made a disagreeing sound low in his throat, and Wolfwood opened his eyes to look at him.
“You grew up too fast, too.”
“Wolfwood-“ Vash started, and Wolfwood could tell- he just could, he knew Vash too well- that he was about to deflect, but that wasn’t what Wolfwood wanted them to do anymore.
“You did,” Wolfwood interrupted. “I don’t care if you’re two thousand years old; you didn’t get to be anything but-“ Wolfwood shook his head, rubbed a hand up to his eyes. It made Vash take his hand back and Wolfwood regretted that immediately, reached out instinctively to drag it back before remembering himself.
“One accident, one screw up, not anything should have cost you what it did. You didn’t deserve any of that, Vash. If I didn’t, you didn’t, so just- you didn’t. Okay?”
Vash’s was watching Wolfwood with a pained look on his face. He’d shuffled up until he was staring down over him and Wolfwood was looking up at him. He’d have felt a little like prey, laid out with his belly vulnerable, if it wasn’t for the way Vash looked at him like he was something soft and confounding.
“Okay,” Vash whispered after a moment. He looked a little wondering. To Wolfwood, he looked wondrous. “I-“
And Wolfwood thought, wow. Vash had agreed with him. Had taken some excuse for himself, even if it was a forced reflection of what he meant for Wolfwood. The hard-won acceptance made victory thrum through Wolfwood and he grinned in satisfaction.
But Vash still looked contemplative, inches from Wolfwood’s face. Vash’s lips were open slightly, his breaths coming slow. He was seemingly getting closer to Wolfwood, drifting down. Wolfwood’s own face was hot and he could feel the tear tracks drying on it, but his pulse was racing as he watched Vash. He had a flash of remembrance- himself on that bloody sand realizing he was in love with Vash as his face flickered through his mind in his final moments, then seeing Vash steel-eyed on that cliff’s edge. Now Vash was leaning towards him with an open mouth and Wolfwood was going to let him, forget the status quo, forget living without rocking the boat, this was worth every bit of it, this was-
Suddenly, Vash shook his head like a dog drying off, wild and off-kilter. He shoved himself off the ground and stood up quickly. He was standing over Wolfwood- still laid down on the ground- and ran both his hands through his hair and yanked, groaned loudly, throwing his head back. Wolfwood was frozen, mouth agape as Vash looked down at him before turning and walking out of his own room.
The door shut quietly. The melody of a song continued in the background. Wolfwood propped himself up on his elbows. Wolfwood felt, for the first time in quite awhile, homicidal. Oh, Vash the stampede. Wolfwood was going to murder him- making him love him, want him, making him come to terms with it, and then leaving. Wolfwood was going to march out of this room and shove Vash out of the nearest air lock, he was going to- oh, wait, no, he’s come back.
“I’m two hundred years old,” Vash said, seemingly to himself, as he marched through the door and slid down next to Wolfwood.
He gripped the sides of Wolfwood’s face in his hand, ran a thumb over the scowl on Wolfwood’s lips, and Wolfwood opened his mouth the tell him to go fuck himself, really he was, but then Vash kissed him. Wolfwood froze completely. His eyes were wide watching Vash’s face as he mouthed against him. Vash’s eyelids were fluttering and his eyebrows were scrunched. He was putting a lot of effort in, Wolfwood would give him that, as he watched the blush spread on Vash’s face. He could hardly feel with how distracted he was by seeing. It was only when Vash made a sound, a little whiney, as he licked against Wolfwood’s lower lip that he finally registered- Vash was kissing him. Oh, he was gonna kill him. He was gonna kill him for kissing him like this.
Vash pulled back and Wolfwood watched the trail of spit between their mouths break with an insane, lustful out-of-body feeling, like it was happening to him but he could only watch. Then he looked up. Vash looked petrified, rolling his lips into his mouth like he could hide the kiss in there.
“Sorry, I’m sorry, that was not okay. I should’ve asked, I should’ve-“
“I’m gonna kill you,” Wolfwood said, but, embarrassingly, he could hear the wonder in his own voice.
Vash was opening and closing his mouth soundlessly, absolutely ridiculously, and Wolfwood couldn’t stand it any more. He leaned forward and kissed Vash back, just a peck, before pulling back. He’d caught Vash mid-opening, so it was a little off-center, a little on the teeth. But it must have worked because Vash, after a moment, grinned wide and pulled Wolfwood back in by his shirt collar.
Wolfwood pressed into Vash so hard it pushed him backwards. Vash made some kind of delighted croon, grabbing onto Wolfwood and yanking him in closer with wide hands on his back.
Wolfwood was in absolute heaven, spread out on top of Vash. There wasn’t a safer place for him to be in the entire universe. He should always be right between Wolfwood’s legs, held down and safe in the cradle of his arms.
Wolfwood ran his hands down to grope at Vash’s biceps and almost combusted. He could feel the muscle shift beneath his fingers as Vash moved his hands on Wolfwood’s back. He tried to groan at the feedback loop, but realized he didn’t have air in his lungs. Refusing to separate from Vash’s lips, he turned his head to the side slightly, unfolding his nose from where it’d pressed into Vash’s. Vash’s arms tightened around his shoulders like he thought Wolfwood was trying to get away and it tore at him. He breathed in noisily and nuzzled right back in closer again, thinking I’m here, I’m here.
He wasn’t ever going to leave Vash again. Vash didn’t know it, but he’d signed his own warrant. Wolfwood was going to be the lovely person Vash was with and it was Vash’s fault he didn’t pick someone lovelier. Wolfwood had tried to be selfless- it wasn’t for him. He was going to be greedy and live a long life and kiss Vash every day of it, thank God. He liked Vash so much. He was kissing his best friend and it was every minuscule joyful moment of his life wrapped up in his stomach and pulsing outwards- did people know about this? Did they know they could kiss their best friend? Did they know they could love them like this? Wait, actually-
Wolfwood pulled back with a wet noise. Vash whined immediately despite their lips still being close enough to share breath. Wolfwood opened his eyes to scan Vash’s face. He looked like he did after a good fight, flushed and adrenaline-high. It made heat drip sticky down his stomach, but he had to focus.
“I love you,” Wolfwood said, and watched Vash’s eyes flash open in an instant.
There was a quiet moment, heaving breaths and soft music around them.
“It doesn’t have to change anything,” Wolfwood whispered, even though it felt like it might really kill him this time.
Vash dragged his hands up until they were gripping the base of Wolfwood’s skull. He pressed down until Wolfwood’s forehead hit his.
“It changes everything,” Vash answered.
Wolfwood ignored the ice in his chest. He tried to memorize the sight of Vash- his freckle, his stubble, the tiny scars on his cheek- in case this was the last time he’d ever be close enough to see them. The feel of him in Wolfwood’s hands, one settled over his heart and feeling it beat under his palm.
“You’re, um,” Vash paused, squeezed his eyes shut before opening them. He rallied, shaking his head, until he was looking back into Wolfwood’s eyes. “You’re the last thing I thought I couldn’t have. So many things- I’ve got to keep so much. I didn’t want to want too much.”
Wolfwood was shaking over him. He couldn’t feel it, but he saw it when he cupped Vash’s cheek.
“You’ve had me. When you didn’t have anythin’, you still had me.”
Wolfwood bent forward slowly. He watched Vash’s eyes flicker closed, a single tear sliding down his temple, and pressed a kiss to his lips.
“And I hold on to what’s mine,” he finished, whispered into Vash’s mouth. Vash sighed against him and Wolfwood felt him relax down, maybe for the first time in the entire time Wolfwood had known him.
“I love you,” Vash said, suddenly, panicked, eyes flashing open and tensing like he just realized he hadn’t said it.
Wolfwood laughed so suddenly it shocked him, and took the smack to the back of the head Vash gave him easily. He dropped his head to Vash’s shoulder.
“Stop,” Vash whined. “You’re embarrassing me.”
Wolfwood looked back up at him, searching his face. Vash was smiling back and Wolfwood dropped a kiss on his cheek. Vash turned so their mouths met and Wolfwood’s stomach swooped. Their lips were curved against each other. They kissed like that, soft and sweet, pecks that stayed chaste. Until Vash’s hands slid down around Wolfwood to his front, groping at his chest like he had tits. Wolfwood huffed.
“Always wanted to do that,” Vash said, muffled against his lips.
He wiggled a little, giddy, and it brought their hips together suddenly. Wolfwood was- well, Wolfwood was straining against his pants. He was in the most erotic position of his life, with Vash copping a feel and pressing kisses on his lips, what the hell else did they expect? But Vash- wonderful, spectacular Vash, who was always the braver of the two of them- just lifted his long legs up to wrap around Wolfwood’s hips.
“There’s something else I always wanted to do,” he said, and Wolfwood almost bit through his lip.
“Ow,” Vash said, grinning, but he started unbuttoning Wolfwood’s shirt anyway.
Their lips parted while Vash looked down to watch himself undo his shirt and it was only then Wolfwood felt like he could focus. He duck down to kiss at the slope of Vash’s neck, a torturous line that had haunted his dreams. He dug his hands under Vash’s top, pushed it up as he dragged them up the ridges of Vash’s body. He thumbed over the metal plating of his heart.
Vash was making these little noises as he shucked Wolfwood’s shirt down his arm. When Wolfwood refused to take his hands away from Vash so he could slide it all the way off, Vash irritably shoved Wolfwood’s hands away.
“Hey-,” Wolfwood started, feeling robbed.
“You hardly wear any clothes, okay, just give me a minute to get them off.”
“I hardly wear clothes?” Wolfwood asked.
Vash laughed. “You call my jacket bulky all the time!”
“Yeah and under that you’ve got on a catsuit.”
They both shuffled each other out of their respective tops while they bickered. The first touch of skin-on-skin jolted Wolfwood like a live wire. The feel of the cold metal pieces of Vash- his plate, his arm- pressing against his skin reminded him this was Vash touching him. The feel of his muscles shifting, that god awful, gorgeous stomach, his chest rising and falling with every breath, was making Wolfwood dizzy. He wanted to live wrapped up in Vash just like this. He could do this forever. They could start by doing just this until they reached the new planet.
He stole a kiss from Vash who was still smiling, licking into his mouth.
“Remind me to show you Catwoman sometime,” Vash said, and Wolfwood had never been less interested in something in his life, because Vash was unbuckling his own pants at that exact moment.
Vash shoved his pants down his thighs, wiggling a knee up so that he could shuck them from his foot without getting out from beneath Wolfwood. And Wolfwood was completely useless, no help at all. He was too busy staring at the flex of Vash’s hip when he bent, the knobby bit of his knee right next to Wolfwood’s face, and the soft gooey center of him that stretched just a little at Vash’s movement.
“Fuck me,” Wolfwood mumbled. Vash threw his head back, laughing. Wolfwood’s face heated, but he couldn’t help it.
Vash kneed Wolfwood to the side as he took off the other leg of his pants. Wolfwood shifted, giving him more room to the left but didn’t adjust his gaze. Vash balled up his pants and threw them to the side; the music muffled a bit as they landed on the player. Vash took Wolfwood’s chin between a finger and thumb and lifted his face up carefully. Wolfwood made sure to take his time, taking a long look at the bared skin that made up Vash, pretty and hard and strong. He felt a little like an animal, his eyes heavy when he finally met Vash’s.
“You’re very complimentary today,” Vash told him softly before kissing him.
Wolfwood, if he could think, would worry about how wiped his mind became every time Vash kissed him. He wasn’t naive enough to think it’d wear off. Nothing about Vash ever had before. He was so caught up in the way Vash’s lips moved, the tongue Vash was licking against his teeth, the tiny huffs of breath Vash’s nose let out on his upper lip, that he didn’t notice Vash had pushed down his own pants until they were tucked under his ass. Wolfwood had let Vash press him around by the hips the entire time.
Wolfwood gasped a little when Vash touched him. It was his real hand, but it still felt icy against Wolfwood’s blood-hot dick. He could feel Vash’s knuckles brushing the delicate skin low down on his stomach as he shifted, his touch light.
“‘s wetter than I thought it’d be,” Vash said, and Wolfwood ducked his head into Vash’s neck with a groan.
He felt Vash kiss his temple lightly, his other hand playing with the wisps of hair at the base of his neck. Wolfwood tried to rub two brain cells together enough to remember how to move his hands.
When he finally could, he peeked out from Vash’s shoulder to watch his hand trail down Vash’s stomach. He wasn’t really sure what to do, but it looked delicate, or as delicate as Vash could look for how he was the toughest person Wolfwood knew. Maybe, Wolfwood thought, that meant he should be extra careful then to make sure he was delicate, too. He ran two fingers along the line of Vash softly, barely a touch.
Vash shifted against him immediately, pressing closer. Wolfwood pressed a kiss absently to Vash’s shoulder and spread his fingers a little, separating the folds of Vash. He was wet, too, but Wolfwood had the sense to not say that, unlike some people. It was probably very embarrassing to be so wet, or Vash wouldn’t have said it. But the sight of it, all that sticky wetness, did make Wolfwood lick his lips. He wanted- he wondered if it was normal to want this bad, and then decided quickly that he could chalk normalcy into the basket of ‘things he wouldn’t care about since he had survived dying’- to taste that the way he tasted Vash’s mouth.
He pulled away from Vash’s shoulder. He gently guided Vash’s hands from his dick and paid no mind to the irritated sound Vash made in response. He pushed himself down along the length of Vash’s body, pecking kisses to his hip a couple times, until he was face-to- well, until he was looking righ at Vash’s cunt.
It was really- it was so- Wolfwood didn’t have words for it. He glanced up at Vash who had gone uncharacteristically silent, his hand still where Wolfwood had put it, half-curled in the air. Wolfwood wanted to make him feel so good, as good as he made Wolfwood feel, so safe and understood, and well- Vash always did say he had a big mouth.
Wolfwood pressed a kiss to the fold of Vash where his lips met his thigh. It was so warm. We match, Wolfwood thought, dazed. He licked there, moving his tongue like he did in Vash’s mouth, and tasted the sweat. It was addicting. Wolfwood kept tonguing that crease until he tasted more like his own spit than Vash before moving to the other side.
He’d closed his eyes to savor it, but he heard, vaguely, as if from a long way away, a half-hysterical sound from Vash. He looked up to see Vash smiling above him, making little gaspy laughs, but it didn’t feel like it was at him. It looked joyful, like Vash was- like he was having fun. Wolfwood would love it if he was having fun, if he felt even half as happy as Wolfwood did with him between his thighs. Maybe they should do this forever.
Wolfwood’s hands were drumming lightly up the underside of Vash’s hips until they met his ass. He pulled Vash closer until his nose was bent against the bone of Vash’s pelvis and he could feel the bone of Vash’s ass in his hand. He shook his head a little, digging in closer. He was right against him, couldn’t be closer if he tried, and it still wasn’t close enough. He whined a little, pursed his lips and got distracted at the feel of Vash’s lips against his, wet, wet, wet. He flicked his tongue out- oh. He suckled at one of them, licked the inner side of it into his mouth, and felt the shake of Vash’s muscles in his hand, trying not to move. His eyebrows came together, he tried to focus. Vash must like this bit.
He ran his tongue along the part where the lips touched and was overcome with the taste of it. Salty, a little tang, like that citrus Vash had plucked from a tree limb in the sun room and let him take a bite of. Vash must have been teasing him then, he thought, vaguely aware he was crazy. He was going to soak up every bit of this taste from Vash now, let him watch Wolfwood eat here like he did then and-
A yank separated him from Vash with a set sound. He made a protesting noise low in his throat, tried to stay down, but Vash was stronger. Vash bent a little, Wolfwood distracted for a moment by his stomach flexing, to meet Wolfwood’s mouth in the air before pulling him back down. Wolfwood’s mouth was wetter at the edges now. He was smudging it onto the sides of Vash’s mouth. He remembered he was hungry for this, too. He kissed Vash harder, pressing in until Vash’s head was against the floor. Wolfwood wiggled a hand beneath his head to keep it from hurting, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t think he could.
It was really, genuinely, only when he was already inside Vash, a sudden lift of Vash’s hips to engulf him quickly, that he realized it had even happened. He’d missed Vash licking his hand and stroking him, missed him hold the head of Wolfwood’s dick to the hole between his folds, missed Vash pause there to see if Wolfwood would say no. He didn’t, obviously, would’ve never.
The sound Vash made in his mouth, keening, a little, brought him back to the planet- fuck, the spaceship- but only just. He was aware enough to stop kissing Vash like he was going to merge their atoms together through sheer force. Vash had solved it, like he always did. Vash had taken Wolfwood’s do or die dilemma and found a third option, one where everyone was happy, yet again. Vash was so amazing.
He kept kissing him though, wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop. Vash sounded so nice, Wolfwood wished the music was off so he could only hear Vash and the sound of their hips meeting. It made Wolfwood’s ears burn, especially when he realized he was making noise, too; punched out groans from low in his throat that Vash was licking up like they were delicious.
Vash was wiggling again, his hips moving about like he was trying to get just right. Wolfwood liked it, it felt like Vash. Vash would be hard to pin down, hard to handle.
Vash broke their kiss to look at Wolfwood. Wolfwood looked back, watched the slight, rhythmic shift of Vash against the floor. He was-
“You’re beautiful,” Wolfwood said, gasped, really. His hips stuttered a little. He wanted so badly to just stay inside, wondered if maybe that’s what Vash’s wanted too, if that was why he was squirming.
“Wolfwood,” Vash panted, the corners of his lips lifting.
He had one hand pressed against the floor, but he wiggled the other between their bodies. Wolfwood watched, very interested in the places Vash touched himself as he skimmed the palm down in a way he didn’t understand, really, except that it was Vash and everything Vash did drew his attention. Vash got his hand down by where Wolfwood was fucking into him, where they’d made a mess of sweat and humidity and heat. Vash started moving his fingers, twisting them the way he twisted his body up on the floor, and gasped.
“Oh,” he breathed out, body tensing a little before he started moving again, quicker. “Wolfwood, that’s- what do you need? I’m close, so close, what do you-?”
He was cut off by Wolfwood kissing him, mouth wide and hungry. Wolfwood kept his eyes open again to watch Vash’s roll back and shudder closed. Wolfwood wished he could be down watching Vash’s hand, could be seeing his own dick enter Vash, could be behind Vash to see his back flex. He wanted to know Vash from every angle when he felt this good, so good he couldn’t stand it.
“You,” Wolfwood mumbled, mush-mouthed. “You, you, you, you first, Vash. Wanna see.”
Wolfwood was clawing at Vash’s shoulders. He was tugging him closer as the floor tried to slide him away. He could feel the way Vash was tightening against his cock, but it was still far away. The heat in his gut was an inferno, but the place where the back of Vash’s hand sweatily slid against his stomach was hotter. He could feel Vash’s fingers move, promised himself he’d learn how to do that so he could do it for Vash next time. He’d do whatever Vash told him to do next time, just as long as Vash came this time, and let Wolfwood watch.
It started at Vash’s toes, scrunching up against his back. It traveled up his legs, through the hips cradling Wolfwood’s. His chest shuddered and his neck tensed. Wolfwood pulled back a little, his mouth still panting and his nose still lightly tracing Vash’s as he watched Vash come.
It felt better than anything Wolfwood had ever felt. Wolfwood wasn’t sure how he ever thought he could live without it; without seeing Vash melt into his hands, sniffling a little. When he opened his eyes, Vash looked right at him and smiled, groggy and pleased. Wolfwood could feel his heart beat in his throat. He was choked up, swallowing reflexively and still thrusting, but his focus was shot. Vash was done and he looked so peaceful, and Wolfwood wouldn’t mind stopping now if Vash wanted to take a nap or-
“Wolfwood,” Vash said, a little dreamedly, and Wolfwood’s hips stuttered. Vash lifted a hand to palm at Wolfwood’s hip. “Come inside?”
He phrased it like a question, but Wolfwood’s body reacted like it was a command. He came immediately, hard, hips bumping the bones of Vash’s pelvis and sticking there. He heard a dying animal, whining low, and realized it was him. He didn’t even have to strength to be embarrassed.
He fell onto Vash, who didn’t even make a sound, just wrapped his arms around him. Vash had let his legs fall from around Wolfwood’s hips and was rubbing his toes against Wolfwood’s calves. Wolfwood closed his eyes. It was only then that he realized the music had stopped.
Vash hummed. Wolfwood grunted in reply, questioning.
“I can’t believe we fucked on the floor when my bed is literally right there,” he said.
Wolfwood opened his eyes to watch him reach a hand out to tug the comforter hanging off the bed. Wolfwood saw a plastic case out of the corner of his eye.
“Fuck, we better not have broke a compact disc,” he said, looking around to see if any were caught beneath them, but making sure to not pull out- he wasn’t an idiot.
Vash cackled beneath him, throwing an arm over his head on the floor. “First of all, I told you they’re called CDs-“
“No, you said they’re called ‘compact discs.’”
“CDs for short!”
“Then that’s not what they’re called.”
“That’s what literally everyone calls them. Not a single person calls them ‘compact discs.’”
“No one even knows what they are! You an’ me are one of like twenty people!”
Vash laughed again, and it brought attention to where they were still connected. Wolfwood was slowly falling out, along with a lot of come that was pooling beneath them.
“You planning on moving in?” Vash asked, arching an eyebrow as Wolfwood looked down sadly.
“Could,” Wolfwood answered. He pulled himself off of Vash completely and dropped heavily to the side. He looked over at Vash, a mirror of the way they’d laid before. “If you got an opening.”
Vash’s laugh rang through the room.
——
“Yes!” Brad yelled the next morning in the mess hall. He punched the air. “Guess who’s having Dippin’ Dots for breakfast?”
“No, you were disqualified!” Meryl pointed a finger at him.
“Fuck that! I was right on the money!”
“Because you cheated!”
A couple of other families in the mess hall stared as the two fought back and forth, Milly a considering face between them as she reviewed the bet paperwork.
“And they said we were bothering everybody,” Wolfwood said, rolling his eyes. Yes, he was sitting on Vash’s lap at the table, but that was only because space was limited and Vash was obviously the stronger of the two so it’d be easier for him to support Wolfwood’s weight. It had nothing to do with any recent, sexy life- and love- affirming events.
Vash’s laughter shook him a little and Wolfwood blushed, downing a gulp of his coffee to try to hide it. Vash gave him a knowing look and kissed his cheek. They both startled at a loud crash and looked over to see Meryl throwing a big book with a pregnant woman on the cover at Brad’s head.
“How much longer until we get to the new planet and off this tin can full of idiots?” Wolfwood asked, sighing.
Vash smiled, dropping forward until his forehead was resting against Wolfwood’s temple. “Oh, just another two months. Then it’s just you, me, a couple thousand other people, a new planet, and the rest of our lives.”
Vash squeezed Wolfwood’s hand in his under the table. Wolfwood turned and smiled into the kiss he pressed to Vash’s mouth.
“Can’t wait.”