Chapter Text
"Where the hell do you think you are going?!" Sanji called out after Zoro.
"Mind your damn business, cook," Zoro replied.
Zoro sauntered off down the dirt path next to where the Sunny was anchored. Usually, Sanji would try to stop him. Not because he cared about the damn mosshead or anything, but because he didn't want to be the one sent looking for the idiot when he inevitably ended up lost. This time, he simply didn't have it in him to try and stop Zoro. He was in the middle of working out a new creation, so the mosshead was on his own. Plus, he had sneaked a transponder snail under his haramaki - a trick that had saved them all time and time again, that it had become a habit.
Sanji returned to the galley, the smells of his concoction wafting out. He definitely needed to work on the seasoning, something was missing but he wasn't quite sure what yet. He got lost in his head, going through all the different options, that he had completely forgotten that Zoro had even wandered off on his own. It wasn't until the rest of the crew had all returned to the ship, except for, of course, Zoro that he remembered.
"Sanji! Where's Zoro? You two were supposed to be watching the ship!" Nami said.
Sanji immediately felt guilty. He was left in charge of the Sunny and that meant being in charge of the mosshead, and not doing so had disappointed Nami.
"My apologies, my mellorine. The mosshead wandered off all on his own. I told him not to."
"Any ideas where he went?"
"Nope, but don't worry, dear! Let me try calling him."
Sanji dialed the number for Zoro's personal transponder snail. It rang and rang but no one picked up the other end.
"Well, guess he died in a ditch somewhere. We will just have to go on without him."
Nami promptly slapped the back of Sanji's head. "Sanji! Don't say stuff like that. You know he's fine, he's just lost!" Nami swung open the door to the galley and yelled out into the open air, "HEY EVERYONE, LISTEN UP! Operation: Find Zoro!" She turned back to face Sanji. "You stay here in case he comes back."
"Whatever you say, Nami-swan," Sanji swooned.
Almost as soon as the entire crew had left the ship in search of Zoro, the idiot was pulling himself up over the railing. His tan hands gripped on the banister as he pushed himself up over the side and —
"Zoro?!" Sanji just managed to eek out. He had to shake his head and rub his eyes to make sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. Maybe Nami had hit him really hard. So hard maybe he died and gone to … heaven? hell?
He wasn't sure because what he saw was unimaginable. As Zoro pulled himself up over the edge of the railing, he revealed the perkiest pair of tits with supple, peaked nipples that seemed to make direct eye contact with Sanji. Except they were on Zoro's chest, connected to Zoro's shapely waist…
"What's wrong with you now, twirly brows?" Zoro asked, like something was wrong with him.
"Me?! What's wrong with you?" Sanji had to avert his eyes to even attempt to talk to him like this. He was … there was no other way to describe it —drop-dead gorgeous. Even his face was softer, his eye had a twinkle and his eyelashes were thicker and fuller. Everything about the brute now had a feminine edge to it. The only things that identified this person as Zoro was the mossy hair, three swords attached at the hip, the three golden earrings, and the classic green robe - which hung way too wide open for Sanji's sanity.
Zoro must have looked down at his body because he downright squeaked in embarrassment. "What the hell?! Why am I a woman?"
"How are you just now noticing?"
"I was a man like ten minutes ago! I just took a piss. Think I woulda noticed then."
"You'd hope so."
"No one asked you, cook! Fuck, what am I supposed to do?"
"How about you back track? Where exactly did you wander off to?"
"Well, you saw me leave the ship. I went walking that way. I bathed in a hot spring, took a piss, then came right back here."
"You were gone all day! And you didn't answer your den den mushi. There's no way that's all you did all day."
"I swear!"
"Did you talk to anyone? Did you eat or drink anything weird?" Sanji kept stealing small glances at Zoro throughout their conversation, but found himself looking in every direction but where the swordsman stood. The grass on the deck and the clouds in the sky suddenly had become really interesting.
"Uhh…nope." Zoro stood with his hands on his hips, while looking up at the sky to think more about it. "I ate the bento you made for me. It rained a little on the way back, but that's it."
Sanji shook his head. "Would you please close your robe for the love of god?!"
Zoro smiled a devious smile. "Something bothering you, cook?" He folded his arms under his chest, puffed out and confident like how he usually stood. But now he had an amazing rack that spilled over his arms.
Sanji felt the warm presence of a trickle of blood in his nose. He wanted to die. Or maybe he already had because this was certainly hell.
He quickly skirted back to the galley, shouting some excuse about this not being his problem and for Zoro to figure it out with Chopper when he was back on the ship. Surely, Chopper would figure this out.
Zoro didn't really give a damn about the way he looked, but he did notice subtle changes in the way his new body affected the swing of his swords. If he was going to be stuck like this, he had to start training immediately and work on getting used to this new body.
He understood now more about what Kuina meant when it came to being a woman swordsman, but Zoro still thought it was a bullshit excuse. He would just have to figure out a regimen ideal for this body's unique strengths and then he'd still be able to become the world's greatest swordsman, no problem.
He'd scared off the cook, surely confusing the idiot and his stupid values with his feminine appearance despite still being fully himself. Just being able to fuck with the cook was reason enough to not mind his new body, but he was interested in what caused the change and hoped Chopper would be able to provide some answers.
He started with pushups and pull ups to busy himself while waiting for the others, then switched to some weight training. He dropped the heavy weight onto the floor when he heard the hatch of the crows nest swing open. It must have been the cook because there was a cold glass of water and a protein shake sitting left behind, though no sight of the curly-browed idiot.
Zoro laughed to himself again as he sipped from the water. He could take a break, it'd be worth it to mess with the cook some more.
He climbed down from the crow's nest and sauntered into the galley. Sanji was standing with his back to Zoro, working on something in the kitchen.
"What do you want, mosshead? I left you enough stuff to hold you over until dinner."
"S'not that. I'm testing out my skills in this new body. I need a sparring partner and you're the only one here."
Sanji turned around to face Zoro. His face was flushed, but other than that he seemed perfectly composed. Maybe he would get used to having another womanly body on board.
"I don't fight women. You know that."
"But I'm not a woman!" Zoro argued.
"Tell that to your chest!" Sanji argued back.
"You've got to be kidding me." Zoro pulled his robe shut and adjusted his haramaki to help keep it from falling open. "How about now?"
Sanji stood with his mouth agape, the cigarette that was always present dangling dangerously close to falling out of his mouth.
"Doesn't matter. I can't fight you right now. That's that."
"What if we get attacked and cause I haven't practiced enough, someone gets hurt!"
"I'm strong enough for the both us," Sanji replied confidently.
Zoro marched up to Sanji. He could make him fight him. He just knew it. "No way in hell. Even like this I'm a hundred times stronger than you." Zoro drew his sword and slashed violently and fast at the cook to prove his point.
Sanji lifted his leg in deflection, but didn't return the blow. Zoro swung again and again and each time Sanji deflected, but didn't push back.
"Fuck! You really piss me off, twirly."
Sanji turned back around, ignoring Zoro completely now. For the first time ever, Zoro was unsuccessful in provoking the cook. Maybe he did need to try and get his old body back as soon as possible.
As he pushed the door open to exit the galley, he stood face to face with Usopp.
"What the hell!?" Usopp stood in shock, his eyes wide and bulging. "Zoro?!"
"Yeah, it's me. I'm a woman now. And no, before you ask, I don't know why or how."
Usopp bent over laughing to the point that it seemed like he couldn't even breathe. Though he still managed to yell for Luffy and the others to come over to observe what he obviously found a spectacle.
"You guys…" he wheezed out, "Look at Zoro!"
Zoro stood there, his arms crossed over his chest. Staring straight faced at the shocked faces of his crew mates.
"What are we looking at?" Luffy asked, head titled, deeply assessing the situation.
"I'm a woman, now."
"Oh, huh." Luffy looked unimpressed. "You look the same to me."
"Zoro! What happened?! Come to the medical bay now! I need to run some tests!" The small reindeer doctor ran up to Zoro and started pulling him forward by his slender hand.
They spent what felt like hours with Chopper poking and prodding at him. Everything was normal, typical temperature, heart rate, blood pressure. Zoro felt the sudden jolt of the Sunny, picking up wind as he sat in the medical bay.
"Anything else you can think of to try, Chopper?"
"No! Let me examine the results of your blood test. In the meantime, you should go shower. You smell like sulfur. It's kinda nasty."
"Fine, whatever. Thanks for trying, Chop."
"Oh, get out of here you stinky bastard." Chopper said while swaying from side to side.
Zoro headed to the showers, stepping into the hot stream of water.
He grabbed the bar of soap and ran it down his body, suds formed over his skin, running across the ridges of his abs … and across his still large but now firmer pecs …
Wait … this body was familiar.
Just to double check, he brought his hand down to his crotch. Yep, that was his dick, alright. He was a man again.
"What the hell?"
He quickly dried himself off and pulled on his clothes before running out onto the deck.
"You guys! I'm a man again!"
A collective chorus of "Huh?" rang out as his crew mates gathered around him to examine him as if they couldn't tell from afar.
"May I ask what you were doing when you noticed you were back to normal?" Robin asked.
"I took a shower and when I looked down I was back to myself!"
"Hmm. Then it's what I thought."
"What do you mean?"
"I did some research while Chopper was running his tests. I believe you may have bathed in the hot spring known as Bisexual's Paradise. If bathed in long enough, it gives someone the ability to turn into the other sex when splashed with different temperatures of water. It appears that after being splashed with hot water, you become male, and cold water, female. The book I read, said that to undo the affects, you must have sex with the same person as both a male and a female, then bathe in the hot spring again."
They all stood around with their mouth's hanging open as Robin delivered this news as if it was a simple solution.
"We have to turn back so I can undo this!"
"And how exactly is going back going to change anything? It's not like you've had sex with anyone since this happened," Nami replied, gesturing at Zoro's body.
Zoro felt himself blush. "Well, no, but…I can just find someone to do that with!"
The crew looked at him shaking their heads, except Luffy who looked like he wasn't listening and was picking his nose instead.
"Luffy!" Zoro practically begged, "Help me out!" He shook Luffy by the shoulders, his rubber body flinging his head around unnaturally on his shoulders.
"Huh?" Luffy replied, unfazed by Zoro's jostling.
"Ugh, no, never mind." That was stupid, there was no way. He couldn't have sex with anyone on the crew.
Luckily, the cook was missing from the group and had missed this whole interaction. He didn't need his endless teasing right now about Zoro never being able to get laid.
"I'll just have to find someone on the island to do it with! Let's just go back!"
"It's really not a big deal - just don't get wet," Nami said, with a small shrug. At the exact same time, a giant wave washed over the ship, splashing Zoro and the rest of them. He looked down to see he was back to the more slender build and the enlarged chest.
"Yeah, easy."