Work Text:
April 7, FA 65
Mithlond
Ammë [1] and Ada,
Grandfather sails tomorrow, and I still have not written this letter. I do not have long either- it’s not quite midnight, and I am sitting up with grandfather, Elladan, and your two oldest grandchildren. I’m exhausted, and grandfather leaves with Círdan early tomorrow. I know Arwen has also written one of these, a sort of cover letter for you to read before you dive into the thousands of letters the four of us have written you in the last sixty years. In case the weight of the trunk we’re sending grandfather with isn’t enough of an indicator, Arwen and I have written at least every week and Elladan writes quite often. Estel is busy, of course, but he writes when he can, which honestly may be more often than Elladan. You have letters from a few other people as well, your grandchildren in particular.
I don’t know if you’ve read Arwen’s letter already. If you haven’t, please do so. I think she would prefer you to hear of her children from her own hand. Go ahead and read it, then return to the rest of this.
Now that you’ve read her letter, I shall not be worried that I will mistakenly over share about Dari, Tiri, and Annú [2]. Eldarion and Eltirion have come west with us to see grandfather off. They’ve grown into handsome young men as I’m sure Arwen told you in her letter. Annúchil is in Gondor still with their parents. She, Arwen, and Estel wanted to come, but grandfather asked them not to, just as you did, Ada.
I cried when grandfather bade Estel and Arwen farewell. Annúchil seems the most upset out of all of us that he’s going; for the past year she has spent every spare moment by his side. If I was mortal, I think it might be easier to say goodbye to someone for the last time. Arwen lived in Lothlórien for centuries and I was well; Ammë, I cried when you left for it would be a long time before we saw one another again, but never in my mind was there any doubt that we would. When grandfather and Arwen bade each other goodbye, she said goodbye for the next century or so, grandfather said goodbye to her forever.
It was quite recently that I was myself forced to say an eternal farewell, to Éomer, king of Rohan. I believe you knew him, Ada, though he would’ve been born long after you sailed, Ammë. He died two winters ago, his son Elfwine succeeding him as king of Rohan. I was very upset, of course, but mostly for imagining Eldarion taking kingship of Gondor. For surely Eldarion and Elfwine were just small boys, distracting us during meetings, Eltirion and Elboron (who shall soon be the prince of Ithilien and Stewardof Gondor) in tow. Of course, Eldarion shall be a great king. I do not doubt him. I only doubt his readiness.
No, I should not doubt his readiness either- Estel has set him an excellent example for him. My darling littlest brother has surely grown into a fair and effective ruler in all ways. And Estel is only a little more than a hundred and fifty. At that age, Elladan and I were still clinging to our last strings of adolescence. At the time, Arwen was still a small child whose hands had to be kept away from any tray of jam biscuits. Ada, were you here, you would start in on how you had done just as much if not more than Estel by his age. Allow me my moment of awe.
It never occurred to me that I would have a great desire to remember Arwen when she was very small, and thus I never bothered to cement her in my mind. As a very young man, the idea that I would find myself desperate to remember every moment spent herding my baby sister around Rivendell was alien to me, and yet every time I see Arwen, every time I notice another gray strand upon her dark hair or when I see that the creases around her mouth and eyes have deepened, I try to picture her as she was five, ten, a hundred, a thousand years ago.
Sometimes I fail to bring her to mind, especially her as a child and for a moment, I think that she’s gone forever. No, luckily my output of sketches has been significant since before Arwen’s birth, and while my earliest drawings of her are not quite perfect, they still serve as a great aid to memory (you’ll notice if you have a look through the trunk grandfather brought you that I’ve included several file folders of sketches, which a cover of variety of people but most particularly Eldarion, Eltirion, and Annúchil. There are others, of course, almost everyone Elladan and I have spent any good amount of time within the past sixty years is represented, but, well, the people who show up the most are those you would expect to. I also put in a few landscapes of places you would never have had the chance to see, Ithilien, a rebuilt Minas Tirith and Osgiliath, the kingdoms that grandfather and King Thranduil have put a lot of effort into, and Rivendell, which isn’t awfully different but I wasn’t sure that you had a painting or drawing of the hidden valley, and considering all the effort you both put into it, I am sure you would like a few drawings. When Elladan and I sail, we shall bring far more drawings, but you’ll have to make do with these for now).
Estel I do not have any problems remembering, either because once again he’s only a hundred and fifty, it wasn’t actually very long ago that I was tucking him into bed, telling him bedtime stories, kissing him good night then going to fetch Ada because he wouldn’t sleep without his nightly cuddle, or perhaps because I knew that one day I would live in a world that he did not inhabit, at which point I would have no animated memory aid. We shall return to Gondor once we’ve seen grandfather off with barely a stop in Rivendell. It was weeks to travel here. It shall take weeks to return.
Ammë, when Ada sailed with grandmother I think you must’ve been disappointed not to see us, and you will once again be disappointed when grandfather comes without us in tow. And (as much as we love you) we never considered coming with him. Elladan and I both feel that if we can stay, we should. We will come. I’ve already made that promise. I won’t change my mind now. Elladan is more hesitant to sail than I, but I will not come without him, and I will come, therefore he shall come too. I think that you may want us to make our decisions for ourselves, you might, if you were here, tell me not to pressure Elladan. I cannot, however, leave him behind without making my best attempt. Sometimes I have the urge to bind and kidnap Estel and Arwen, drag them with us into the west and beg Mandos to allow them to stay. This I would not do, but I might have to leave the option open for Elladan.
I don’t understand why Elladan would want to stay, though perhaps it’s not for me to know. I could not handle the thought of never seeing you again, of you waiting for us year after year in Valinor, growing more and more afraid that we shan’t come. No, I could not live with that. I myself dislike uncertainty, I strive not to cause it for others. And when Arwen and Estel are gone, and their children, we shall have no one to stay for.
I don’t know when we will come. It may yet be a very long time, or at least what I’ve come to think of as a long time, what with all the mortals I am now constantly surrounded by. In the meantime, I hope that the letters and drawings we have sent will tide you over. If I know of anyone else going west, I shall send more correspondence with them. However, it is rare that anyone goes west anymore and is unlikely I’ll hear about it when it happens.
Grandfather‘s just gone off to bed, and Eldarion and Eltirion have gone too. It’s just Elladan and I left here now. It’s past midnight, and we have an early morning. I feel a bit guilty for cutting this letter so short, I would write all night if I could, tell you every thought I’ve had since you left. Although, grandfather has (by my estimation) something like three thousand letters from me, each at least as long as this one. If you’ve read them all by the time I sail I shall be impressed, especially since I assume you’ll read the letters from all of us in chronological order and Arwen writes twice, perhaps thrice as often as I. Elladan and I, and Arwen and Estel’s sons, carried the trunk of letters and drawings and keepsakes we’re sending you onto Círdan’s boat yesterday, and it took the four of us and two of Thranduil’s footmen to move it. God knows how you’ll take it off the boat, much less bring it home.
I’ll make Elladan sign his name to this letter too, though these are my own thoughts, a few of which I have not intentionally shared with him (of course, I would be surprised if he did not know these things). Actually, I am mistaken. I asked him to come sign his name, and he said he would also like to write something. Instead of writing his own letter (a more logical course, I think), he intends to commandeer the last few inches of this roll of parchment.
In that case, I shall sign this letter off. I love you both very much and miss you every day. I hope you’re finding all you need and more in the west. Elladan and I shall come, soon, perhaps, but it may be a bit longer.
With love from your devoted son,
Elrohir
Footnotes:
[1] Notes on the choice of what Celebrían’s children call her: one, I prefer Ammë to pretty much any other elf equivalent of mum. Two, when making that sort of choice, in most cases i look back to what they would have called their mother, and what that mother would have called their mother, and on back. While I know Eärwen was Telerin so IDK what that would mean (it would make sense to me that they would have the same word for mother as the Sindar of Doriath), I generally run with the idea that Galadriel would have wanted a little bit of Noldo in Celebrían’s upbringing, therefore I reckon Celebrían would have called Galadriel by the Valinorian Quenya word for mum. This would go on the be used by Celebrían’s children, and also by Arwen’s.
[2] Tolkien’s statements on Aragorn and Arwen’s kids are pretty much just ‘Eldarion and some daughters’, and where Tolkien gets lazy I ignore him and get creative :) . I think it’s a missed opportunity to lose the parallel of have four straight generations of twin sons and a daughter (Eärendil and Elwing never had a daughter, you say- well, they might have if Eärendil hadn’t buggered off sailing). Additionally, speaking (human) genetically, the tendency for twins (not identical twins but I digress) is passed through the mother’s line, therefore it would make complete sense for Elwing and Arwen to have twins but Celebrían would have just as much of a chance as anyone. Therefore the only explanation is that Elrond is the one to give birth to E, E, & A, case closed.
Anyway, I have righted this injustice and given Eldarion a twin brother (Eltirion) and a younger sister (Annúchil). Pretty proud of my ability to slam together Quenya roots, there.