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“You ok if I bring a girl around later Roz?”, Marleau asked, turning towards Ilya in the other bed.
Ilya glared at him, knowing that this was his nice way of kicking his ass out of the hotel room.
“Oh, sorry, I forgot this is your hotel room, is weird I have key too no?”
“All I’m asking for is a few hours after the game, shithead.” Roz rolls his eyes and nods before looking back down at his phone.
He's been in a funk ever since his Montreal girl broke up with him. Marleau had tried to help by hooking him up with girls, but his shit attitude and clear lack of interest hasn't helped him get laid. It must be hard for him to be back in Montreal.
“Hey, we should have some drinks and watch a movie after, ok?” Rozy nodded noncommittally.
It's not like he's being unreasonable. Sure, in the past, sometimes they haven't bothered with privacy; they were good friends. And they had even fucked these two chicks in the same hotel room once. Not in a gay way, really. They were on separate beds; both the girls, Kristy and Laela, were just into that kinky voyeuristic shit.
And Marleau has to admit he wasn't not into it. It was awesome to be fucking a gorgeous girl while essentially watching live porn, and when the girls had swapped with each other, he didn't really mind that Roz’s dick had been in Laela a second ago. He doesn't really get guys who won't fuck girls who are “sluts” or “ran through”. He's not a hypocrite, and neither is Rozy.
But this wasn't all about sex. One of his regular hook-ups, one that he actually likes and is friends with, Tiffany, wants to talk in private before they hook up. Apparently, her boyfriend had dumped her last week after saying some shitty sexist shit, and Tiffany is all broken up about it. He had turned out to be one of those aforementioned hypocritical pricks that think an open relationship means he can get his dick wet in any chick he wants, but she can only play around with other chicks.
Cliff can be an idiot and say stupid shit sometimes, but he is not stupid, and he is not sexist. It would be hard to be sexist having two older, smarter, sisters, a single mom, and a good for nothing dead beat of a dad. So he felt for Tiff. It's not like they were serious. Marleau doesn't do serious. But he respects women, and he has always greatly valued his friendships, probably more than the average guy.
“Is something wrong with Tiff?” Rozy asks as he gets up and starts gathering his shit for the game.
Cliff sighed, “Yeah, her piece of shit now ex-boyfriend Jake dumped her for whoring around with other dudes after he asked to open their relationship.”
“Svolach! He is manwhore!”
“Yeah, so that's why I need the room, she wants to talk alone about it before we hook up and doesn't want to worry about her annoying roommate overhearing”.
“Ah cause annoying roommate and manwhore are friends, da?” Marleau nods. “Is no problem, tell Tiff to text me manwhore’s address. I will make it look like accident".
Cliff chuckles, “This is why I love you man”. He gets up, claps a grinning Roz on the back, and then grabs his bag.
They lost the game by a point, scored by Hollander of course, in overtime. Losing to Montreal always sucks, and the games are always exhausting. The only bright side is that no one gives him or Rozy, who looks like he could actually murder someone, shit for not going out for drinks. Which is convenient at least.
He only has to wait 15 minutes in the room before Tiff knocks. He takes out the pint of chocolate ice cream and a spoon and crosses to the door. She's in a cute light pink hoodie that is so oversized he can't see her shorts. She looks hot and also really fucking upset.
She gratefully takes the ice cream, and they sit down on the bed. They talk for a long time. She tells him all about the fight with Jake, how much his words hurt, and how she thinks she'll need to move out of the apartment because it's been so awkward being around her roommate after the breakup. How hard it has been to focus on her grad school work while going through all this.
Cliff comforts and then distracts. He talks about his family, his nephew who just started high school, and the crazy and adorable dog his Mom got, which she's been sending him pictures of daily in the group chat with Roz.
Eventually, when she feels better, they end up making out. Cliff pulls off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. He reaches his hand under her hoodie and cups her tit. He tastes the chocolate on Tiff’s lips and then whispers in her ear, “I like when you act slutty for me, you are not a cunt.” His hand leaves her breast so he can still hold her face while he palms her over her shorts and says, “But I do love your cunt”.
She chuckles and then moans softly, and he pulls the hoodie over her head to reveal the lacey black bra that looks too small to hold her large tits. He pulls his own shirt off. His dick twitches as he leans down to suck at her neck. Cliff grabs on to her waistband, about to pull her shorts off, before she moans out, “wait”.
He stops, lets go, and pulls back. She huffs out quick breaths. And he realizes she looks nervous for some reason. “You ok? Do you want to do something else or…” She cuts him off, “No, I… fuck, I just want to tell you something first”.
He sits further back and wills his brain to refocus on what she is saying since it is clearly important to her.
She takes a second, then looks directly at Marleau. “I like you a lot, Cliff. You are hot, smart, sweet, and kind.” She takes his hand. “You get me more than any other guy has. I know you're with other people, and I don't care about that. just like how you don't care who else I'm with. But what I want for you is special. You're perfect, Cliff, and I want to be your girlfriend if you feel the same way.”
His smile drops, knocked off by the word, girlfriend.
It's not like he hasn't tried. He's had girlfriends before, even a few exclusive ones. But he's just not boyfriend material.
They all realize it eventually. They all say he doesn't feel enough, care enough; he needs to treat them like a girlfriend instead of just a fuck buddy. And he knows they are right. It’s just that he doesn't understand the difference. If you fuck and love your friends and your girlfriends, there's no fucking difference besides the label in his mind.
At first, he thought he just never had a chance to learn. His parents or his grandparents, who divorced right after his mother gave birth, were not good examples. He thought he would learn eventually, though. But he is nearing 30 now and never did. He is too fucked up, or something is fucking wrong with him, and he just doesn't feel the way he should.
He is silent for way too long. Tiff stares at him, and her face starts to crumple, the confidence gone. She drops his hand. “You don't feel the same way,” she sniffs and turns away.
Cliff reaches for her, and when he squeezes her shoulder, she lets out a real cry. Cliff feels like crying too.
“Hey, you are my friend, I love you. But I am not cut out to be a boyfriend.” Tiffany pulls away and rubs at her eyes, still a bit watery.
“I just thought… I need to go”. She gets up and pulls her hoodie back on. Before Marleau can think of anything useful to say, she leaves.
Selfishly, Cliff thinks that he is still really horny and now feels too shitty to go find another girl about it.
Roz strolls in a bit later, clearly still in a shitty mood and a bit drunk. “Why are you fucking moping, Marley?” “You're one to talk,” he grumbled back. Rozy walks past his own bed and flings himself on top of Marleau, sighing dramatically. Cliff lets out a small laugh and shoves Rozy off to the other side of the bed.
“Tell me your boring problems Marley! Need distraction”. Roz props himself up against the wall so he can stare intently at Cliff. He relents, “It’s Tiffany”. Roz waits for him to continue, and when he doesn't, he asks, “What did she leave you hanging? That doesn't sound like her. Was she feeling that upset about manwhore?”
He huffs, “No. I mean, yes, that too. But she was also upset because I don't want to be her boyfriend.” “Boyfriend?” Rozy looks incredibly puzzled. Like the thought of Cliff being someone's boyfriend is unthinkable. His voice is softer, “Is not your fault Marley. You always tell them, it's Tiff’s fault for not listening.”
Marleau gives his friend a small, sad smile. Then, to steer away from more emotions, Cliff says, “Yeah, and now I don't want to go out, and I am still fucking horny.”
Roz shakes his head, “What need even more alone time in 'your' room? Or are you going to let me stay and hear your loud fucking grunting while you jerk yourself off?”
“Fuck off Roz,” he shoves Rozy's shoulder good-naturedly.
The bastards never shied away from making gay jokes. But unlike other guys, he never says anything truly hateful, no slurs. It's another thing Marleau appreciates about the dude.
Then Roz says, “I could help you out.” It’s said so casually that Cliff thinks he must have misheard him. “What?” Roz looks pointedly at his crotch. His eyes travel up his body to take in his abs and still-bare chest until they reach his eyes. Roz holds his gaze like a challenge, like they were still on ice and he was the puck.
“Don't be gross man,” Cliff says, looking away and trying to ignore that his dick is interested. He's in the minority of hockey players who don't have a problem with gay people or gay sex as a concept. But it is fucking instinct to deny any accusations of gayness thrown at you. Why the fuck would Roz say that?
He looks back at Roz. He hasn’t moved, and aside from his intense eyes, his face is indifferent, like he doesn't give a fuck that he just asked if Marleau wanted him to get him off.
He’s pretty is the thing. Undeniably masculine but with a streak of femininity that Marleau had always appreciated. He likes his curved, smirking lips and piercing but playful eyes. And he was just objectively hot. Marleau had just never thought of him in that way. But now that Roz offered, it was hard to take his eyes off him.
“You want to get off, I want to get out of my head by giving you head. I've seen your dick fuck ton of times before. Plus, remember when we fucked Laela and Kristy? I ate Kristy out after she was on your cock, by…” he searched for the word he was looking for and then just gave up and said what he meant in Russian, like Cliff wasn’t already having a hard fucking time understanding what the fuck was going on. “You've basically already had my mouth on your dick”.
Cliff lets out a disbelieving breath. Leave it to Roz to spout the craziest shit and make it sound like it was common sense and fucking logical in Cliff’s horny brain.
He steels himself; even if he can appreciate Rozy, he isn't gay. He says haltingly, “I’m not going to…I don't want to…” Roz cuts him off and shrugs, “I’m not asking you to help me out too. I already told you I just want a distraction".
Fuck “I… Ok”.
Roz pushes off the wall and comes closer slowly, like he's giving Cliff a chance to run away. He puts his hand on Marleau’s waistband. “Ok, you want me to suck you off?”
He looks at Roz. He had known Rozy since he was a rookie, since he himself was 21. They had been friends for a long time now, and they trusted each other. Really, that's all that mattered to Cliff.
“Yes”, he said. Rozy just smirked at him as he positioned himself to suck Cliff’s cock and pull Marleau’s cock out of his pants. “Don't worry, Marley, just close your eyes. It’s not gay if you picture girl.”
“Asshole”, Cliff laughed, and before he could overthink it, he grabbed Rozy’s head, twisting his fingers in his pretty curls and firmly pushed him towards his leaking dick.
He felt Roz’s laugh as he took him into his mouth. Then Roz got to work.
It felt good. Really fucking good. Roz must have done this many times before because wow. He took him deep and quick. Didn't let up. And his tongue. He licked and hummed. If Cliff was less stressed out, he probably would have cum embarrassingly quickly.
He didn't picture a girl like Rozy suggested. Marleau just tried to focus on the sensations, letting them muffle his noisy thoughts.
He thought about his friend too. Marleau opened his eyes to watch Rozy’s head bob up and down on his cock. It's an objectively erotic sight. Thought about how nice it felt to feel so close. Watched Roz pin his hip to the mattress. He thought about how much he loves Rozy. Closed his eyes again when Roz moved his other hand to join his mouth so he could fondle his balls. He loves his friend so fucking much.
The release surprised him. He wasn't expecting to cum then and didn't have time to warn Roz. Good thing it clearly didn't bother him since Roz sucks his spent down.
Roz pulls off his dick, making an obscene popping noise, and Cliff opens his eyes, dazed. When he meets Roz’s eyes. Roz smirks and says, “No homo bro," grinning and then runs to the bathroom.
After a second, Cliff's mind clears, and fuck, he thinks that felt exactly the same as all the other blow jobs he’s got. Well, not exactly. It was definitely one of the more skilled blow jobs he’s had, but how he feels about the person giving the blow job is the same. He does not care. He just had a guy suck him off. He knows he is not gay despite what just happened. Cliff's best friend just sucked him off and inadvertently put the pieces together.
He’s not gay, but he is fucking broken. Cliff lets the tears fall.
By the time Roz is done showering and probably rubs one out, Marleau has got a hold of himself. He wiped the tears away and put his dick back in his pants. He even got up and grabbed the shirt he had left on the floor when Tiff left, putting it on. Roz walks out of the bathroom with a towel over his junk like nothing happened, and he drops the towel to change into his boxers like normal. He doesn't say anything.
“Your thoughts are loud Marley.”
“Are you gay?” It is the first thing that comes to Marleau's mind that's not about what's wrong with himself.
Roz looks at him like he is stupid and says, “Do most gay men you know eat as much pussy as I do?” Well, that's exactly why he's confused. Roz waits a moment to see if Cliff will say more, then takes pity on him: “I like everything.” Shit, he’s dumb, he forgot bisexual people existed. It's just he always thought of bisexual as something girls could be. Guys were either completely straight or gay. You know? Or he guessed they could be nothing, broken like he is.
“Rozy, I think there is something wrong with me”, he says quietly.
Roz looks confused and a bit concerned and sits down on the bed, facing Cliff again. “It's ok, Marley. I am very good. Not even straight as aro Marley can resist me”.
Cliff sighs and decides he needs to tell his friend, someone, who might understand. He doesn't take the out Roz offered. “No, that's not what I mean. I don't think you are wrong, that it is wrong that you like both. But… I am fucked up because I think I might not like either. Or at least not in the way I am supposed to”.
“What do you mean Marley?”
“I liked it when you sucked me off, I feel the same way about it as I do when Tiffany, Katey, or Zea blow me. I liked how it felt because I got to get off with a friend who I love.”
Roz crossed his arms. “Yes, I know, you like to fuck, apparently doesn't matter gender, and you don't do relationships. I don't either.”
“You're not fucking listening to me Roz! I don't feel the way I am supposed to feel. I never have. I will never love anyone like that. Never settle down, get married, and have kids because no one would want someone who doesn’t like them with all the romance shit. You will get to fix whatever happened with Jane and get to love her in a way I just fucking can’t. And you will fucking forget about me, leave me like Tiff just did, and I will be alone.”
He drops his eyes to the floor and lets the silence engulf the room. He feels heavy with this revelation and the shame it brings. Then, Ilya breaks the silence.
“Jane is a man, I am Russian, I can not be with him like that. And he does not feel like I do, he broke up with me. We will be sad alone bachelors together”.
Cliff thinks that it makes a lot of sense that Jane is a man, all the secrecy, why he never got to meet him. “But you love him, right? Roz, I will never love someone.”
Rozy looks back at him, their eyes meet, and he sees the heartbreak in his expression. “Yes, I love him so much it hurts me… But I also love Sveta.”
That takes Marleau back a bit. “You love them both?” He guesses that makes sense since he's bi and all, to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. He vaguely remembers his sis talking about her friend who was in a threesome, but like romantically too.
But then Roz clarifies, “I want to spend my life with both of them, I love them same amount but different kind. I want Jane to be my boyfriend so I can spend my life with him. And I also want to spend my life with Sveta because she is my family, my best friend. Like you are. She does not love me like I love Jane, either. I think she is like you; she likes to fuck but never likes romance. She is not wrong. And she will never be alone because I will be there, like she is always there for me.”
Roz gets up and sits back down next to the Cliff, leans over and hugs him tightly, “You are not broken, I love you.”
And Marleau cries for the third time, and, for the first time today, lets himself be held and seen as he breaks down.
They stay like this for a while until he finally lets go. He sees that Rozy is teary, too. Roz says, “I think maybe you talk to Sveta.” Cliff looks sheepish. “I've talked to her before”. Roz nods. “Yes, but talk with her about this, she is understanding, easy to talk to, better at feelings than I am. My mouth is better at other things, you know.” And he winks.
“Yeah, yeah, you cocksucker”, Marleau ruffles his hair roughly but affectionately. “Wait, sorry, can I call you a cocksucker? Or is that like homophobic, I guess it always is huh.” It’s such a ubiquitous insult for them that he's never really thought about it. Rozy seemed to seriously consider it: “Seems like you are not fully straight either, like me, but different. So is probably fine, as long is not insult yes.”
Roz settles back down next to Cliff in the tiny hotel bed. They spend the rest of the night chatting until they fall asleep side by side. When Marleau wakes up, his head rests on Rozy's chest; he is right where he belongs. “I love you Rozy” Cliff whispers so sincerely, and Roz answers with a kiss to the top of his head.