Does Your Therapist Know Everything About Me?

by sperrywink

Summary:

After Blaine and Kurt break up for the fourth time, Blaine goes into therapy. He knows, just knows, that left to his own devices, he will return to Kurt and do it all over again, with the inevitable next break-up also ruining his life, maybe irrevocably this time.

And then a reformed Sebastian enters the picture.

Notes:

I've been dabbling at this story since 2022, and it is finally done!

After Blaine and Kurt break up for the fourth time, Blaine goes into therapy. He knows, just knows, that left to his own devices, he will return to Kurt and do it all over again, with the inevitable next break-up also ruining his life, maybe irrevocably this time. He barely got through the first one in high school and would have failed out if McKinley hadn’t been so ridiculously easy. The second one led him to drop out of college, and the one before this one caused him to lose his job due to apathy and absences. So, therapy seems like the best chance of breaking the cycle, even though he knows it means breaking up with Kurt forever, and that crushes his heart (for the fourth time).

His therapist has an office on the first floor of a brownstone on the Upper East Side, which is far from his Lower East Side apartment, but she’s worth it. The first couple of sessions are difficult because they’re recapping his dating history and what he hopes to get out of therapy. Listing all his mistakes and bad choices drains him and leaves him despondent afterward. As the weeks pass and the sessions get deeper into who he is and how he copes with negative emotions, things begin to improve.

He cries and rages, but it ends up being cathartic in a way he hasn’t expected. He picks up boxing again and begins singing in the shower. He’s feeling happier with who he is, which is a big change. As a child, he always felt different and less loved than Cooper, and then he came out as gay, which proved even more distancing from his family. Dalton was a brief breath of fresh air, and then Kurt came into his world and upended it completely. With their on-again, off-again relationship dragging on for a decade, his world never settled back down until now.

Therapy opens his eyes about himself in a way he hadn’t anticipated. He expected to get over Kurt, but discovering what he wants from life and relationships is a boon. He gains back his confidence and cheerfulness, and he finds himself being social again in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. Not chasing after Kurt has freed up a lot of his time. He starts talking to some Dalton alumni again, mostly those in New York City, but even Wes in Chicago and David in D.C. Surprisingly, this also brings Sebastian back into his orbit. He also goes to the Dalton get-togethers around the city.

Sebastian is usually the last to arrive at the alumni gatherings; surprisingly, he doesn’t seek Blaine out. He just waves to the group as a whole and mostly talks to Nick and some of his lacrosse teammates. Or it is surprising to Blaine, who is expecting the same brash sixteen-year-old. Once he mentions it to his therapist, she points out that ten years is long enough for some big changes. She’s proven right when, a few weeks later, he finds out Sebastian has just broken up with his live-in boyfriend of three years.

He knows the shock shows on his face when Jeff laughs at him, but Jeff also says, “They were cute together. We were all surprised when they broke up.”

“I never imagined I would hear cute and Sebastian in the same sentence.”

“I would say hot, which Sebastian would insist on if he were here, but I’m still holding onto my heterosexuality.”

Blaine barks out a laugh, and their conversation turns to something else, but it never leaves Blaine’s mind when he sees Sebastian across the room at these get-togethers. Sebastian doesn’t look particularly sad, but he was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Previously, Blaine had always known who Sebastian was lusting after, particularly since it was usually him. He remembers them confiding in each other that first semester of junior year in high school, and looking back, he can’t help but think it was magical, but who was Sebastian confiding in these days? Who knows.

Eight months after he starts therapy, Kurt walks into the coffee shop that they both know Blaine frequents. Blaine flickers his eyes up when he hears the bell, not because he is expecting anyone, but just drawn to the sound, so his eyes are back on his laptop screen by the time it registers that it’s Kurt. His heart stutters as he looks back up, and Kurt is almost at his table with a tentative smile on his face.

“Blaine. I was hoping to catch you here.”

Blinking mutely for a couple of seconds, Blaine shakes his head to get his thoughts in order. “Kurt. Hi. You were looking for me?”

“Well, yeah. I haven’t heard from you, and I was worried.” Kurt eases into the chair on the other side of the table from Blaine’s, straightening his jacket so it hangs right on his frame.

Blaine is left speechless again. “We broke up. I changed my number.” And hadn’t that been an ordeal. When he raised the idea to his therapist, she thought it would be a positive move for him, particularly since it was his own idea, but porting everything and then deleting Kurt’s contact made him cry in the middle of the Apple store.

“But we always remain friends, right?”

Suddenly, Blaine understood. It isn’t just him who is caught in the cycle of destruction; it’s Kurt, too. He had assumed his desperation and pursuit of Kurt caused all the make-ups and break-ups. Apparently, they are both to blame. He doesn’t want to hurt Kurt, but he finally understands how toxic they are for each other, and he’s not going to let his hard-won confidence and equilibrium be all for naught. So, he gently says, “But we never do remain friends. We start dating again, and it never works, and we end up in the same cycle of dysfunction.”

Hurt flashes across Kurt’s face, but then determination and hope come. He reaches out a hand and lightly grasps Blaine’s. “But we love each other. Is it really so bad to try until we figure it out?”

Some cutting thoughts go lightning fast through his mind, like how it was always his life that goes bottom up; that Kurt left Dalton willingly, that Kurt graduated NYADA in four years, that Kurt kept their apartment, and he doesn’t know what else he can give up for Kurt, but he tries to keep it all off his face because he knows it isn’t fair. His issues aren’t Kurt’s fault.

Still, he pulls his hand away, and a small sigh escapes him despite his intentions. “We’re never going to figure it out. We’re too different, and our issues are too many. We keep banging our heads together to make this happen, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to recover, Kurt. I need to let go.”

Kurt stiffens. “What do you mean? You’ve always wanted this as badly as I have.”

“I did, but that was before.”

Kurt is having a hard time keeping the hurt inside, and it breaks Blaine’s heart, but he is comfortable enough with his own emotions now to not be swayed by them into something rash. Kurt says, “I can’t believe you’re not going to fight for us,” as his hand curls into a fist on the table.

Blaine feels like his gut is bleeding out, but as gently as he can, he says, “That we have to fight to have an us is telling, Kurt. We shouldn’t have to try so hard. I’ve finally accepted that love isn’t enough; we need more of something, maybe compatibility or whatever. Just something.”

“How can you say we aren’t compatible? We’re both in the theater-”

“Which makes you jealous,” Blaine inserted.

Louder, Kurt continues, “We both love New York, and we both want kids. We share the same friends; how can we not be compatible?”

“You haven’t even noticed that they’re your friends? I still only have contact with Sam and Jake, who have also left your friend group. The three of us never quite fit in.”

Blaine can see Kurt is going to rally again, so he holds up one hand in a stop signal. “Kurt, I know it hurts, believe me. I’ve been through the whole range of emotions every time, but I refuse to fall into the same thing again just because we’re comfortable together.”

“It’s more than that! I love you!”

“And as I said, love isn’t enough for us.”

Finally, Kurt’s face hardens, and Blaine braces himself emotionally for the barbs to come. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you haven’t said you love me back. You could just say that instead of all this nonsense.”

“It’s not nonsense,” but Blaine stops there. He was going to say that, of course, he loves Kurt, but that place in his chest that aches when he and Kurt fight, that makes him concede, isn’t there anymore. He hurts, but it isn’t devastating. He doesn’t know what exactly that means, but he knows he can’t delve into it now. So, he says, “I don’t know what I feel for you anymore. I’ll always love you in some way, but my goal is to get over you. I want a relationship that is solid, not one that strips me bare every time.”

“Don’t make it out like you’re the injured party. You cheated on me first.”

“I didn’t say I was. I’m just explaining why I don’t want to get back together with you.”

Standing up, Kurt straightens his jacket again. “Fine. Don’t think you can come running back to me whenever you like.”

Kurt is obviously waiting for a plea for him to stay, but Blaine just says, “I won’t.”

Kurt’s face crumbles, and Blaine’s heart finally hurts hard enough to make him want to take it back, but he bites his lip to keep it in. Thankfully, Kurt is stomping out of the café with a rough pull of the door, causing the bells to jangle loudly before he can take back any of his words.

He still makes an emergency appointment with his therapist to rehash the encounter. He knows he did the right thing, but he can’t help but second-guess himself after the fact. Some days, he feels that if he and Kurt can’t make it work, given how much he loved Kurt, he won't be able to make it work with anyone. So, he needs to get it all off his chest, and it isn’t fair to dump it on Sam for the fourth time.

Afterwards, and as he gets some distance from the encounter, he feels better and better about himself. Despite some of his less generous thoughts, he didn’t back down but wasn’t deliberately hurtful. That’s not who he wants to be.

He continues to go to Dalton alumni meetings and starts joining Jeff and Nick for movies and games of tennis. His social life is full, and even though his love life is still nonexistent, he consoles himself that it has only been ten months, and it’s been a significant ten months in terms of emotional growth. It’s a positive that he hasn’t fallen into another relationship. Missing sex, morning cuddles, and making out on the couch are a small price to pay.

The next Dalton alumni meeting is happening in a café on the Upper East Side before they take over some tennis courts for a Warbler versus lacrosse team mini-tournament. Blaine is looking forward to it a ridiculous amount, which is why he ends up being there early. Surprisingly, Sebastian is already there and is the only other one. He sends Sebastian a bright smile and settles into a chair across from him. Having noticed that Sebastian is dressed down in shorts and athletic sneakers, he asks, “So, which team will you be representing today?”

Sebastian lowers his phone and gives Blaine a smile. “Lacrosse. Otherwise, the guys wouldn’t have enough players. Most of my previous lacrosse team is in Chicago.”

“So, you still keep in touch with them?”

Sebastian hums his agreement and says, “A few. The rest are Facebook friends; you know how it is.”

Thinking about the majority of the New Directions and his college friends, he nods. The waitress comes by, so Blaine turns over his coffee cup so she can fill it as she refills Sebastian’s. As she wanders away to offer more coffee to other patrons, Blaine looks up from his coffee to find Sebastian looking him over with a smile. “Still as sexy as ever,” he says as he leers playfully.

Blaine laughs in a way he never allowed himself before and ignores the way his belly flips. “You’re holding up well yourself, but we’re still going to kick your ass in tennis.”

Scoffing, Sebastian says, “With that tiny reach and those short legs? I think not. Your ass is mine.”

“You wish.”

“As always, killer,” he says with a wink.

Blaine laughs but finds himself looking at Sebastian fondly. Despite his flirting, Blaine doesn’t think Sebastian is hitting on him as he used to. It’s much more lighthearted and less… imbued with lust. He doesn’t know if it’s because of how he has changed or how Sebastian has changed or both, but he likes it.

Suddenly curious, remembering that long-ago conversation with Jeff, Blaine asks, “So, how have you been? Good, I hope?”

“I have been, yeah. And you?”

“Getting there.”

Giving him a searching look, Sebastian still only says, “That’s good. I hope it continues.”

Blaine smiles at him. “I think it will. Actually, I’ve been in therapy. It’s helping a lot.”

“Good for you. I went to therapy after high school. It helped me, too.”

“Huh. You don’t seem like the type.”

Sebastian smirks at him. “Oh, I’m not, but my dad insisted after all that happened at Dalton. But I’m not sorry about it now. I learned a lot.”

Blaine nods in agreement. “Yeah, I kind of wish I had done it after high school, too. Might have saved myself some hard times.”

Quirking an eyebrow, Sebastian asks, “Why didn’t you? You do seem the type.”

“My dad very much isn’t. Or rather wasn’t until I made a total mess of my life.”

“Hey, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

Blaine snorts out a laugh. “I’m sure you especially would consider breaking up and then going back to Kurt three times as very bad.”

A moue of distaste forms on Sebastian’s face. “You got me there, killer. Is he in therapy, too?”

“I wouldn’t know. Four break-ups were too much even for me. Hence the therapy.”

“Then double good for you.”

Blaine raises his coffee cup in a toast.

Other alumni start to arrive, and Sebastian and Blaine are ribbed for consorting with the enemy. Breakfast is loud and raucous. Blaine finds himself smiling so much it hurts. Afterwards, the lacrosse team wins the tennis tournament, and Sebastian is definitely the VIP. With his long legs and wide reach, he gets to the ball from across the court much faster than anyone else.

Sebastian is a gracious winner, and when Blaine thinks about it, he always has been. It’s kind of a revelation since Blaine has always viewed Sebastian through the lens of Sebastian trying to break Kurt and him up. He has almost never considered Sebastian’s actions independent of that lens. Now that breaking them up isn’t an option anymore, he finds himself looking at Sebastian with fresh eyes and liking what he sees. He begins to wonder if it had really been about breaking them up or just about being attracted to Blaine and dealing with it badly. It isn’t like Blaine can fault anyone for dealing with attraction in an unhealthy way, given his history.

Weeks pass by, and Blaine finds that he is gravitating toward Sebastian’s side at the alumni get-togethers. It isn’t conscious at first, but by the third time, when Nick raises an eyebrow at him, and he shrugs back, he thinks about it. He’s noticed that Sebastian brings out the best in him; he always has, really, even when Sebastian was at his most confrontational and mean.

He’s so upfront that he challenges Blaine and brings out the fight in him instead of the doormat. Sebastian makes him feel confident and even good about himself. Like, standing up for what he wants is what Sebastian wants even more than agreeing with what Sebastian says or does. Like it’s desirable. He feels sexy with Sebastian, as hard as that is to admit, given the over-the-top innuendo. Apparently, he isn’t as into subtle as he thought. His therapist has a field day with these revelations.

Over time, they exchange numbers, start texting, and meeting up for coffee. Sebastian flirts as always. Blaine tries to give as good as he gets, but of course, he is never willing to get as vulgar as Sebastian is. Still, nowadays, it makes him laugh loudly and push Sebastian away with a grin. He discovers that Sebastian is an FBI agent working in the New York field office. He’s kind of surprised Sebastian isn’t making a killing as a lawyer or stockbroker or something, but when Sebastian explains the trust fund from his grandparents that allows him the lifestyle without having to do soul-sucking work for it, Blaine agrees that an FBI agent is a better choice.

Finally, ready to confront his life, he discusses his own goals with his therapist, and he comes to the realization that he still wants to do what he said that drunken night at Scandals when he was sixteen. He wants to make art and help people. Currently, he is writing jingles for commercials, which is lucrative, but just as soul-sucking as stockbroking, he thinks. So, he enrolls at NYU for the fall semester in music therapy. This is his first step toward making his goals a reality. He still writes the jingles to pay the bills, but with an end in sight, it doesn’t feel so dreadful.

With school taking up so much of his time, he starts missing alumni get-togethers and mostly keeps in touch with everyone via text and one-on-one coffee dates. He likes talking to his close friends and knowing what is happening in their lives, but he doesn’t have time to party. He’s surprised but happy when he still ends up spending a lot of time with Sebastian. Sebastian’s schedule is flexible enough to have coffee dates at odd times, which works surprisingly well with Blaine’s school schedule. Plus, Sebastian lives down near NYU, so he can meet spontaneously.

So, one midafternoon in September, he heads to a nearby coffee shop to meet up with Sebastian, who is having a late lunch after talking to a possible witness nearby. Blaine's a little later than he said he would be since his professor had kept them over time. He’s speed-walking down the sidewalk, and he’s relieved once the coffee shop comes into view. He jogs the last little bit, squeezing through the door by some people leaving, and scanning the diner for Sebastian. Seeing him in the back, Blaine smiles and heads over. Sebastian is texting on his phone, smiling.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” Blaine says once he is close enough to slide into the other side of the booth.

Sebastian flickers his gaze up but says, “One sec. Let me say goodbye.”

Blaine nods at him and asks the waitress, who just came over, for a coffee and a muffin.

He watches as Sebastian’s thumbs fly over his phone and notices his fond smile. It’s surprisingly soft. After a minute, Sebastian drops the phone and says, “Hey, killer, sorry for making you wait. I don’t often get a chance to talk to Hirohito.”

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s right, you came along after he left. We were together for a couple of years before he was transferred back to Tokyo.”

“Oh! Yeah, Jeff mentioned you had been seeing someone. You still keep in touch?”

“As often as we can, given the time difference. We still care, so we remained friends, and it seems to be working for us.” Blaine tamps down on the momentary surge of envy. He knows he and Kurt will never reach that place, and he mourns it.

Still, Blaine smiles at him. “I’m glad.” He’s also kind of amazed that Sebastian, of all people, manages to remain friends with an ex, but then he reminds himself that sixteen-year-old Sebastian isn’t the man sitting across from him, just like sixteen-year-old Blaine isn’t who he is anymore. So, he goes on to say, “I’m guessing it was hard. I think Jeff said you guys lived together for a few years?”

“Yeah, three and a half by the time he left.” Sebastian takes a sip of his coffee and analyzes Blaine’s face before saying, “At the time, it was devastating for both of us. His company was adamant that he return, and I can’t do my job in Tokyo; it just seemed like fate had decided we couldn’t be together. I would claim that it was a manly break-up with no crying or broken dishes, but I would be lying.” He gives a wry grimace that looks only half-fake.

Even Blaine can see how much Hirohito means to Sebastian. He lightly squeezes one of Sebastian’s hands for a second and says, “I’m sorry that it turned out that way. I would have loved to see you all cuddled up and couple-y.”

Sebastian lets out a chuckle. “You really missed your opportunity with Hirohito. He was definitely into PDA. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

Blaine grins widely and doesn’t even try to keep what he feels off his face. He says, “Aww.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, but then winks at Blaine. Blaine smiles back, happy for Sebastian that he had what sounds like a close and fulfilling relationship. After their first summer together, he never managed that with Kurt, nor with the guys he saw in the times between him and Kurt dating, because Kurt was always waiting in the wings, and they all discovered it after a while. The envy rears its head again, but he shoves it aside to discuss it at his next therapy appointment.

Sebastian says, “Enough about me. How’re you doing?”

“I’m hanging in there, although school is kicking my butt. I knew it would be hard going back, but I didn’t know how much harder the volume of reading assignments would be for the psychology aspect of the degree. It’s pretty intense. Music I can handle, but even though I took Intro and Abnormal Psych as an undergraduate, it’s nothing compared to the depth I need to go into for the therapy aspect of my degree.”

“Do you still want to pursue it?”

“Oh, definitely. It’s hard, but even here in our first semester, we’re doing on-sites, and seeing how much joy I can bring to people who are struggling is amazing.”

“It does seem to be right up your alley.”

“Are you calling me a do-gooder?”

“If the shoe fits…”

Blaine just sticks out his tongue, and Sebastian laughs. They talk some more about Blaine’s classes and non-case-related aspects of Sebastian’s job before segueing into relationships again. Curious, given some recent discussions with his therapist, Blaine asks, “So how long after Hirohito left did you start dating again? Because my therapist wants me to get back out there, but I gotta admit, I’m still feeling gun-shy.”

Sebastian hums contemplatively and takes a sip of coffee. “Well, to be honest, both Hirohito and I were pretty relaxed about sex before we got together, so I don’t think either of us waited too long before sleeping around again, but I’m guessing that’s not what you mean?”

“Yeah, no. I mean exclusive dating. I’m not built for one-night stands. I learned that the hard way. I like romance and dating with my sex, but that feels risky these days.”

“I can only imagine after what you said Hummel put you through.”

Blaine grimaces but also admits, “It was also due to many of my own faults, but that kinda makes it harder to get back into the dating scene.”

“In what way?”

“Well, Kurt took his issues with him, but mine stayed. I know therapy has helped, but I’m afraid every relationship will fall back into the same patterns that led to our toxic one.”

“I’m impressed you see that it was toxic now. That’s one sign you won’t fall back into the same patterns.”

Thinking about it, Blaine says, “I guess.” He does feel he has a clearer view of what went wrong for him and Kurt. He hopes that makes a difference, but fear isn’t rational, as his therapist is always telling him.

Sebastian says, “Plus, I think you’re overthinking what a relationship has to be.”

Blaine cocks his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“The goal of every single one doesn’t have to be true love forever. Oh, sure, you can hope for it, but if it doesn’t last, it doesn’t have to mean failure; it's just that that relationship was only meant to be that long and no longer. You can see it as a stepping stone or maybe a learning experience.”

Blaine smiles. “That’s remarkably perceptive.”

“Therapy,” Sebastian says as he raises his coffee. Blaine laughs, and Sebastian joins him. Soon, Sebastian’s lunch break is over, so they hug goodbye, and Blaine heads to his next class, Sebastian’s words ringing in his mind.

Blaine bites the bullet and goes on a few first dates, but they all go bust. One is spent with a guy who only talks about his workout regimen, one lives with his mother, and she calls three times during their date, and one turns out to be cheating on his wife. It’s not an auspicious start.

He ends up recapping every date with Sebastian, who mocks him mercilessly, but it makes Blaine laugh, so he actually looks forward to the recaps more than the actual dates. After two more of Blaine’s crappy dates, Sebastian goes on one and calls him afterwards.

Blaine asks, “How’d it go? Although if you’re calling me instead of being with him, I’m guessing not well.”

“Oh my god. I know I can be a bit self-centered-”

“A bit?” Blaine interjects with a laugh.

“Shut up, yes, just a bit, but this guy takes the cake on shallow narcissism.”

Blaine settles further into the pillow and, with a grin, says, “Do tell.”

“First, he insisted on picking the restaurant, but he didn’t make a reservation. We get there, and it’s booked solid for the night. Instead of going somewhere else, he makes a stink about it and demands to see the manager, and I kid you not, the words ‘don’t you know who I am’ come out of his mouth.”

Blaine laughs and says, “I’m picturing Draco Malfoy and ‘my father will hear about this.’”

“Right? That’s spot on, too. Since the guy made such a big scene, they put a tablecloth over a small table by the kitchen and seated us there. As you can imagine, he complains loudly that it isn’t good enough, but I tell him to shut up.

“He finally does when we get our menus, and the waiter and I exchange ‘what the fuck’ looks.

“Then the nutjob tries to order for me, which I stop in its tracks, but when he orders a bottle of wine, he acts like some connoisseur and sniffs the cork and swirls it pretentiously. Now, I like a good vintage of wine as much as the next person, but at $30 a bottle, I’m not expecting much, and only a fool would make a production out of it.

“So, our orders are finally in, and he starts talking and won’t. Shut. Up. It’s all, I’m so important; I could introduce you to the right people to further your career; you should let me introduce you to my trainer since you’re so skinny; and when is our food going to come? The service here is terrible. At this point, I’m trying to flag down the waitstaff who are ignoring us like the plague for obvious reasons.”

“I’m surprised you stayed that long. I don’t remember your tolerance for fools being that high.”

“It’s motherfucking not, but I’d like to go back to this restaurant, so I don’t want to dine and dash, and this guy is the kind who will stiff them on the bill.

“So, the next part is where I lose it. He starts going off about how I need Botox for my thin lips to provide a better blowjob experience. Now I don’t know how stiffening your face will help blowjobs, but this guy is convinced. And then he goes on to say he doesn’t give blowjobs because that’s the bottom’s job, and he’s above that. With that, I’m not even waiting for him to shut up. I yell, ‘Check, please!’”

Blaine is laughing, just imagining the look on Sebastian’s face, given Sebastian’s positive feelings about sex. A bit tongue in cheek, he says, “I can’t imagine it’s worth sticking around for a whole date if there will be no blowjob at the end.”

“Particularly if there will never be blowjobs. They’re one of my favorite things! What gay man doesn’t like giving blowjobs?”

“Not everyone is as comfortable with sex as you are.”

Sounding shocked, Sebastian asks, “Are you saying you don’t like giving blowjobs?”

“No! I do.”

Sebastian says, “See!” Blaine starts laughing at how vindicated Sebastian sounds, and pretty soon, Sebastian joins him. Sebastian goes on to say, “If we ever go on a date, I promise you blowjobs, and I promise we’ll both enjoy it.”

Almost without thinking about it, Blaine hits back with, “Promises, promises.” Then, their conversation catches up with him, and he begins to wonder. Why don’t they go on a date? Neither of them is their sixteen-year-old self anymore. He loves hanging out with Sebastian, and they can talk for hours. And Sebastian definitely doesn’t need Botox or a personal trainer to be attractive.

Sebastian says, “On my honor and badge, I can promise that.” Blaine can hear the laughter in his voice.

Hesitantly, still mulling it over in his mind but becoming increasingly excited, Blaine asks, “Would you go on a date with me?”

There’s a beat of silence as Sebastian’s laughter peters out, and then he asks, “Are you asking me out?”

Quickly weighing the pros and cons in his head and having way more pros than he had assumed, Blaine confidently says, “I am.”

With reluctance in his voice, Sebastian says, “Just because we’ve both struck out so far doesn’t mean we will do well together.”

“Yeah, I know. But when the best part of my dates is recapping them to you, and when the most fun I have going out is with you, I suddenly don’t know why I haven’t asked you out before.”

As the silence drags on for another couple of seconds, with his heart sinking, Blaine hurries to say, “I can understand if you don’t want to date me, considering our history, but I’m sincere, I promise.”

And with only a short silence this time, sounding more confident, Sebastian says, “Alright. If you’re sure.”

Beaming up at his ceiling, Blaine says, “I am.”

Hearing the good humor coming back to Sebastian’s voice, Blaine laughs as Sebastian says, “My promise of a blowjob swayed you. Don’t front.”

“Well, it certainly didn’t hurt,” Blaine responds tongue-in-cheek. They both laugh, and then, with smiles in their voices, they work through their schedules and decide on a date. Blaine can’t wait.

Unfortunately, life gets in the way. It’s two weeks before they both have a free night because Sebastian is assigned to a case the day after they talk, which becomes complicated and intense. It takes him and his partner weeks to solve it, all under pressure from the mayor. They barely get to talk during this time, and Blaine misses Sebastian a lot.

When the day finally comes, he has butterflies in his stomach as he looks in his closet for the perfect thing to wear. He wants to be comfortable but stylish and definitely highlight his ass. He still considers it one of his best assets, and he remembers how Sebastian had looked at him back in the day. He finally finds the perfect pair of dark-wash jeans and a form-fitting, baby-blue t-shirt. He covers it with a dark cardigan with navy-stained leather elbow patches, and nods at himself in the mirror. Feeling more confident despite the butterflies, he picks up his keys and wallet and heads over to Sebastian’s place.

It’s about a half-hour walk, and Blaine practically bops down the sidewalk. Between his anxiety and his anticipation, he can’t remain calm or walk sedately. When he reaches Sebastian’s building, he takes a big breath and presses the right intercom button for Sebastian’s apartment. After Sebastian confirms it’s him, he hears the door buzz and quickly pulls it open while it’s unlocked.

He takes the stairs to the third floor, and when he opens the fire door, Sebastian is leaning in the open doorway of his apartment. Blaine’s heart beats faster at how hot Sebastian looks in black trousers and a white button-up shirt, open at the collar for two buttons, showing a tantalizing throat.

As he walks towards Sebastian, his throat goes dry, so he swallows and licks his lips to wet his mouth. Sebastian is smiling at him and says, “Hey, you.”

His voice coming out husky but luckily not cracking, Blaine responds with, “Hey. You look…”

As Blaine pauses to find the right word, Sebastian interjects. “Hot? Sexy? Delicious? Come on, killer, don’t leave me hanging.” Blaine can hear the amusement in his voice.

“Handsome,” Blaine says just to get him to shut up without admitting just how much he’s turned on by the way Sebastian looks, even though he is sexy like burning. From the smirk on Sebastian’s face, he already knows it and knows Blaine is thinking it, the bastard.

Once Blaine is close enough, Sebastian herds him into the doorway, putting one hand on either side of Blaine’s head on the door jam. He leans down and whispers in Blaine’s ear, “Handsome doesn’t make your eyes darken that fast, killer.”

Blaine gasps as Sebastian nibbles on Blaine’s earlobe. He tilts his head to give Sebastian better access as he feels an aroused heat sweep down his throat. After a couple more licks, Sebastian pulls back and smirks. “There’s my favorite schoolboy blush.”

“Shut up. You’re evil.”

“Just making sure we have chemistry.”

“Did you really have any doubts?” Blaine tugs on Sebastian’s belt loops and goes on his toes to press light kisses to the corners of Sebastian’s mouth, one on each side. “You’ve always been sexy enough to get a rock aroused.”

“And yet you resisted me for years,” Sebastian says, and Blaine can hear the question in his voice. Their gazes catch and hold, and Blaine gets lost in the green of his eyes.

He says, “I did, but I didn’t say it was easy.”

“Is that why you cut me out? I always thought it was because of Hummel.”

“He was part of it, but I also didn’t want to deal with our complicated history. I was in love with Kurt, and you were as you were then. It was one thing to find comfort somewhere else, but with you, yeah, I would have been torn.”

“I never did find out the details of exactly what happened with your first break-up.”

“Oh, we’re definitely going to need drinks to talk about that tragedy.”

“Well, our reservation isn’t for forty-five minutes, but there’s a bar there, so let me lock up, and we’ll head down.”

“Sounds good.”

Sebastian steps into his hallway, puts on a structured leather jacket, and picks up his keys and wallet. Blaine is curious, so he peeks inside but can’t see much beyond the hallway. Once Sebastian is ready to go, he locks his door, and they head for the elevator.

It’s just a five-minute walk to the restaurant since they agreed to go to one of Sebastian’s favorites. He had rhapsodized to Blaine about it, so Blaine is eager to try it out. They exchange small talk on the way over, waiting for their drinks before Blaine tells his story.

Once settled in a quiet corner of the barroom with drinks, Blaine sighs and starts with his senior year. “At first, when Kurt left for New York and got his Vogue internship, he would still be there for our nightly calls and Skype sessions, but it was all about him and what he was doing in New York. I didn’t mind. His life was more interesting than my dull existence in Ohio without him. But then he started skipping our Skype sessions and ignoring my phone calls.”

“Why did you take that?”

“Because I was still stupidly in love.”

“Stupid is right.” A look of regret flickers across Sebastian’s face as he catches the look on Blaine’s face, which Blaine knows is unimpressed, and he says, “Sorry. Go on.”

“I know, alright? I know. And looking back, I can see my faults as well as Kurt’s. I wanted more than the long distance would allow, but I also didn’t want to break up. Somehow, desperately, I wanted both affection and Kurt, and I couldn’t cope with having neither. We should have broken up then, but, like I said, stupidly in love.

“Anyway, so there I was, joining every club imaginable and running for senior class president to fill up my time. I wanted both to be busy and for Kurt to care about what was going on back home, even though I desperately would have rather been in New York with him. But I didn’t even have him commiserating with me about any of it because he was too busy and too often ducking my phone calls.

“So, when a guy I was Facebook friends with hit on me, I didn’t immediately shut him down. I didn’t care about him; I just wanted to feel wanted again. So, I had a one-night stand and regretted it even before it was over.”

“Still hard to imagine you cheating, killer.”

“You know something? For me, too. It’s the only time it happened, despite Kurt coming and going in my life like a revolving door. I never cheated on my other boyfriends with Kurt or vice versa. Just that one time, and to be honest, Kurt and I never got over it.”

“Do you think you’d be with him now if you hadn’t?”

“Truth?”

Sebastian gives him a look but just says, “Yeah.”

“No. I don’t think we would have made it through that long-distance year anyway. I think Kurt would have eventually dumped me, and we would have started the whole rollercoaster anyway. I don’t believe in soulmates anymore.”

“If you thought Hummel was your soulmate through all of that, why did you date around? Why did he? I would think neither of you would have been emotionally available for new relationships.”

“I never said it made sense. I was a ball of insecurity who was in love with being in love. Do you know, this past year is the longest I’ve been single since I was sixteen?”

“No shit?” Sebastian looks horrified, and Blaine gets it. Sebastian has always been independent, the opposite of Blaine.

“Yeah. Finding out who I am, without defining myself by who I’m with, has been a major part of my therapy.”

“Then you really should have gotten therapy after high school, the way I did. Might have saved yourself some grief.”

“You don’t have to tell me; I definitely know. Anyway, that was then, and now I’ve hopefully grown. What about you? What did you learn in therapy after high school? How exactly did you end up there? You said your father made you go?”

“Well, after the whole slushie incident and then the steroids scandal, my dad had had enough.”

“Speaking of the steroids, why would you do that?”

“I didn’t, actually. None of us lacrosse guys could because of the drug testing of the team, but that didn’t stop the scandal from reaching us, since we were complicit in the others taking them. So, between my one-night stands and all this Warbler drama, my dad was fed up and made an ultimatum. Either go to therapy and get my head on straight, or get cut off. I chose therapy, of course.”

Blaine says, “I’m surprised it helped as much as you say it did, considering you were basically forced into it.”

“Well, I didn’t say it was a smooth road. It took a good nine months before I opened up about anything important.”

“How long did it take to really help you?”

“Probably a good two years before I felt like I had coping skills in a way I hadn’t before, but I was in therapy for all of my undergraduate. I found it helpful to talk out all my stress.”

Blaine grimaces, and Sebastian says, “That doesn’t mean it’ll take that long for you.”

“Sure, but the longer I’m in therapy, the more I find I need to work on. Sometimes, it feels like tribbles. Deal with one, and then there are five new ones.”

“Yeah, but you’re learning new strategies to deal with them, right? That’s what worked for me. I wasn’t suddenly ‘better,’ but was just coping in a healthier way than before.”

“I am, but I admit we have still been trawling through my past until recently. Now, we deal with the day-to-day and how I’m using my new skills to cope, but that wasn’t a major part of our prior sessions. We mostly spent our time teasing out what I was thinking and feeling at each break-up and make-up, and what I could have done differently. I needed that clarity to move forward.”

“Sounds about right.”

It’s their reservation time now, so they finish their drinks and are seated near the center of the dining room with Blaine’s back to the entrance. The waiter greets Sebastian by name, and they order as they make small talk, transitioning from serious discussions to lighthearted ones.

Blaine is glad. He has revealed enough and doesn’t want to scare Sebastian away with how much he still has to work through, plus he wants time to consider what Sebastian had said about his therapy. They discuss Blaine’s classes and Sebastian’s new bicycle, which he rides around the five boroughs and beyond.

Blaine says, “I never pictured you as a bike rider. Seems kind of tame.”

“Eh. I need some form of exercise, and running doesn’t do it for me unless I’m chasing down a suspect. Plus, I like getting to know New York this way. It’s more intimate than a car or whatever.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Most of the time, I’m making day trips out of it, if I can. I did the Five Boroughs Bike Ride, which takes you through all five boroughs in one go. You only go through the tip of the Bronx, but you get to bike the Verrazano Bridge. It’s an achievement. I also take the train north to Westchester or over to Long Island to ride in more scenic areas.”

“Sounds fun. I need more exercise. I’m getting sluggish just sitting around doing homework and being in class.”

“Try it. Sure, dodging taxis is a nightmare in the city, but I’d be happy to text you when I go on day trips out of the city.”

“Sounds fun.”

“You’d need a bike first,” Sebastian says with a pointed look.

“I’m into it. You can help me pick out the right one.”

“Then it sounds like a plan,” Sebastian confirms as Blaine grins at him, and Sebastian fondly rolls his eyes in return.

Their dinners are served then, and Blaine loves his steak. He can see why this is Sebastian’s favorite restaurant. Sebastian has the salmon and moans obscenely over it. When Blaine reaches over with his fork to grab a bite, Sebastian circles his arms around his plate playfully. Blaine laughs, which seems to delight Sebastian, who then moves his plate over so Blaine can get a piece without reaching. It turns out to be beyond delicious. Maybe better than his meal.

During dinner, they mostly discuss what to do next. They had left it open-ended because Sebastian’s schedule was so unpredictable. Blaine is advocating for karaoke, while Sebastian wants to go to a jazz club he heard about.

In the end, feeling replete and full, Blaine agrees that he is feeling too relaxed and lazy to sing, plus the jazz club is right around the corner. On the way, Blaine reaches out to hold Sebastian’s hand, peeking out of the corner of his eye to see how Sebastian reacts. Sebastian smiles but doesn’t turn his head towards Blaine. Still, his hand squeezes Blaine’s in acceptance and comfort.

Blaine’s heart swells with feelings, and he ducks his head to hide his own beaming smile.

Unfortunately, the jazz club is hopping because it’s a Saturday night. They have to stand at the crowded bar for the first half an hour until they score a small table off to the right. Then they relax, and the night becomes fun again. They are about halfway to the stage, but the view is excellent, as is the music. Conversation is minimal due to the music and the loud murmur of the crowd, so they just relax and enjoy it. Blaine again reaches for Sebastian’s hand, and Sebastian, seeing Blaine’s movement, meets him halfway across the table.

The room remains packed even as it gets past midnight, so Blaine and Sebastian leave not long after that. Once outside in the cooler October air, Blaine takes a deep breath. “Okay, the music was fantastic, but man, was that stuffy. I didn’t realize how hot I was until we got outside.”

Sebastian nods as he removes his jacket and flings it over his shoulder, hanging onto it with two fingers. Blaine can see the sweat beading on Sebastian’s brow and how his white shirt clings to his torso, but it makes him look sexy as fuck. Which, hell. He has no right to look that good, being all sweaty and rumpled. Blaine feels like a wet dishrag in contrast. Struggling out of his cardigan, Blaine tugs his damp t-shirt off his body and flaps it to get some cool air moving. It feels delightful, but he knows he’ll get chilled soon enough. Thankfully, like the restaurant, the club is a stone’s throw away from Sebastian’s apartment building.

It’s Sebastian who takes hold of Blaine’s hand this time, and Blaine ducks his head to hide his pleased smile. Sebastian asks, “Are you coming up or heading home?”

“I’d love to come up.” Blaine isn’t going to mention blowjobs if Sebastian isn’t, but he’s definitely thinking it. But to be honest, he’ll love it even if all they do is make out and cuddle for a bit. After the limited opportunities for touching they had during dinner and while sitting across the table in the club, Blaine is hoping to get close now.

They quickly make their way to Sebastian’s building, and even though it is just a five-minute walk, Blaine feels chilled by the time Sebastian opens the entrance door for them and ushers Blaine inside the building. The elevator is on the ground floor, so they don’t have to wait, and Sebastian is closing the door to his apartment behind them a mere minute later.

He asks, “Do you want a change of clothes? I know I feel gross from all the sweat.”

Blaine looks up and down Sebastian’s tall, thin frame. “Do you think you’ll have anything that’ll fit me?”

“Yeah, my Grand-mère sent me some pajamas last Christmas. They’re too small, and while they might still be long on you, you can roll up the pants.”

Sticking his tongue out at Sebastian for calling him short, although he knows he asked for it, he still says, “Yeah, that’d be great. I feel uncomfortable and damp.”

“Come on into the bedroom,” Sebastian responds. After locking the door, he hangs his jacket on the doorknob and starts unbuttoning his shirt as he leads Blaine down the short hallway to his bedroom. Of all the ways Blaine imagined Sebastian inviting him into his bedroom, it never not included a wink or innuendo. Blaine boggles at Sebastian’s nonchalance, especially considering how turned on he got by Sebastian just unbuttoning his shirt. As each inch of his torso is revealed, he can feel his fingers tingle with the urge to touch.

Once in Sebastian’s bedroom, Sebastian tosses his shirt towards his hamper in the corner by his dresser, which charms Blaine, who just has a pile of dirty clothes in his own bedroom. He’s never known anyone with a hamper besides Rachel. It feels extravagant, especially since it isn’t wicker but a faux leather. He knows having a hamper is not that big a deal, really, but it is just so Sebastian.

And then he stops cataloguing the room and notices Sebastian’s defined abs and mole-covered skin, and he is drawn to Sebastian like a moth to a flame. “Why are you always so sexy?”

Sebastian turns his head towards him with a chuckle and is obviously poised to make a quip, but instead stops Blaine from getting too close. “Nuhuh. Shirt first and then touching. I don’t want your damp and gross shirt any closer.”

Pouting, Blaine stops moving closer, but is too eager to play for long. So, his shirt is up and off in seconds, and he is making grabby hands at Sebastian’s abs. Sebastian reels him in by one of his hands, but says, “We’re still gross.”

Even so, he places Blaine’s hand on his waist and leans down for a kiss. Blaine tilts his head to welcome it. The kiss starts off smoking hot from the get-go. It’s not that Sebastian goes hot and heavy immediately; it’s that Blaine feels the kiss in his toes and cock from the first touch. As their mouths suck and kiss, and Blaine’s brain explodes with desire, his hands almost absently roam along Sebastian’s waist and caress his defined abs.

Sebastian’s skin is hot and firm, and the undulation of his abs feels unreal to Blaine. No one looks or feels like this in real life, but of course, Sebastian defies all odds and warps reality. At least it feels that way to Blaine.

Blaine is so lost in the kiss and the feel of Sebastian’s skin that he doesn’t notice Sebastian undoing his jeans until Sebastian slides his hand inside his boxer-briefs and cups his cock, and then he moans obscenely and jerks his hips forward as if pulled by a rope. The kiss breaks because of Blaine’s moan and Sebastian’s huff of a laugh. As Sebastian pushes down his jeans with his other hand so he can wrap his fingers around Blaine’s cock and stroke, Blaine again asks, “Why are you so sexy?”

Sebastian chuckles again and presses his lips to Blaine’s forehead. They both watch the head of Blaine’s cock appear and disappear as Sebastian strokes. Sebastian says, “I don’t know how you can be this easy and still have resisted me for years.”

“Fuck if I know.”

Neither Blaine nor Sebastian mentions Kurt, and although he fleetingly crosses Blaine’s mind, Blaine promises himself that it will be the only time he thinks of Kurt tonight. Sebastian really is too sexy to think of other people. In the meantime, Blaine tries to undo Sebastian’s trousers, but his hands feel large and disconnected since all his focus is on his cock. Groaning in frustration, he gives up and drags his fingernails up Sebastian’s back and goes on his tiptoes to kiss Sebastian ardently. Sebastian is ready for him with an open mouth and an eager tongue.

Sebastian starts stroking fast and furious, and before Blaine can say that he wants to savor it or how good it feels or that he wants to come together or some other fleeting thought skittering across his brain, his hips are chasing his orgasm, and he is panting in Sebastian’s mouth as he comes.

By the end of it, Sebastian is holding him up, as Blaine’s hands limply pet Sebastian’s back. Once his mouth starts working again, Blaine mumbles, “Oh my god. So sexy. Oh my god. We need to be fucking right now.”

Laughing at him, Sebastian strong-arms him towards the bed until he can collapse on it. Through lidded eyes, Blaine watches as Sebastian’s nimble fingers undo his own trousers that had given Blaine such a hard time. Sebastian toes off his shoes and takes off both his trousers and underwear in one smooth move until he is standing naked with his gaze roaming over Blaine’s body and his hand stroking his cock almost leisurely. Blaine would think Sebastian is in total control, except for the way he is biting his lip and his eyes have significantly darkened.

Still eager for Sebastian’s hands on him, Blaine squirms to take off his shoes and his jeans the rest of the way, and scoots on his ass towards the head of Sebastian’s bed. Then he makes grabby hands again and says, “Come here. No one has had a blowjob yet, and that’s tragic.”

Sebastian laughs loudly at that and, with a big grin, crawls up the bed and over Blaine. Blaine widens his legs so Sebastian can slot in between them, and as their cores press together, both moan. Blaine is sticky and wet from the handjob, but neither cares. With a snap of his hips, Sebastian lowers his weight onto Blaine and initiates a kiss that gets Blaine’s motor running again. As the kiss, and press and release of Sebastian’s hips, continue, Blaine’s cock starts hardening again. When Sebastian’s pace picks up, Blaine suddenly remembers, “Blowjobs!”

Sebastian’s body stills, but he barks out another laugh at the non sequitur. Blaine affirms, “You, kind sir, need a blowjob.”

“Okay, first of all, feel free to call me sir anytime. Apparently, that does things to me. And second, this is more than fine, killer. I know we joked about it, but whatever feels good, and damn, but does this feel good.” Sebastian emphasizes this with a shimmy of his hips that has even Sebastian adding a little moan at the end and a harder press of his hips.

Still, Blaine will not be deterred. He pushes at Sebastian’s shoulders as he says, “Nuhuh. Blowjobs, sir,” And looks coyly up through his lashes to see how his words are affecting Sebastian. Sebastian resists for the barest second, but he has such a strong look of longing and desire, Blaine knows he’ll cave. Thus, when he lets Blaine guide him onto his back with Blaine straddling his thighs, Blaine smirks. Sebastian rolls his eyes, but he is still smiling, with a faint sheen of sweat on his face and chest, and Blaine finds that his smirk softens. He loves how much fun he’s having while still being turned on enough that his brain is turned off. All he can think about is Sebastian and his smiles and his abs and his beautiful cock.

Skimming his fingertips down from Sebastian’s shoulders to his thighs, Blaine finally admires Sebastian’s cock from up close. It’s long and thin like Sebastian’s body, and Blaine can’t help but think he makes a beautiful picture of long lines and strong emotions in the tautness of his body. Unable to restrain himself anymore, Blaine quickly shifts his weight side to side so he can get his knees inside the vee of Sebastian’s legs, and lets them slide towards the end of the bed so he can finally give the blowjob he’s been fantasizing about. He kicks up his heels like a teenage girl so they aren’t hanging off the bed, and then licks a strip up Sebastian’s cock, getting a feel and the taste of it.

It's musky and nutty, and Blaine doesn’t know how he can taste so good. Sebastian’s hips make an aborted thrust, and Blaine presses down with his hands close to Sebastian’s hipbones as he swallows the tip of Sebastian’s cock and sucks. Sebastian moans, and his hips are restless under Blaine’s hands as Blaine sinks further down to start sucking for real.

Sebastian holds one of the iron bars of his bed frame as the other hand drifts down, twisting one of his nipples on the way, to rest in Blaine’s curls and stroke gently. He doesn’t tug or pull, and Blaine appreciates the care and consideration. He actually doesn’t like it when his partner tries to direct him. He’s confident in his own skill, which he puts to use now as he starts bobbing deeper and deeper until Sebastian’s cock is nudging his throat. He sucks on the pull-back, and it seems to be working for Sebastian by the way he is arching his back and praising Blaine in French.

Sebastian holds out way longer than Blaine thinks he will, considering how turned on he was at the start, but he enjoys every minute of giving Sebastian pleasure. Finally, Sebastian tugs on his hair as his hips try to stutter upwards harder, and Blaine knows he’s about to come. He squeezes Sebastian’s hips to show it’s okay, that he will swallow, as he sucks extra hard to boost Sebastian’s orgasm. Sebastian moans out Blaine’s name and is coming moments later.

All tension leaves Sebastian’s body, and Blaine can feel him melt into the mattress. He swallows what he can and lets the rest dribble out as he slumps to the side himself.

Eventually, Sebastian opens his sleepy eyes and says, “Thank you. That was… amazing and well worth a first date,” as he carefully starts petting Blaine’s hair again.

Blaine grinds his half-hard cock against Sebastian’s thigh. With an outrageous wink, he says, “I’ll hold off on the success of the date until the blowjob is reciprocated, but to be honest, I just want a shower and to sleep right now.”

Sebastian huffs out a laugh. “Morning blowjob it is. Come on, you can take the first shower as I change the bedding.” Sebastian bends his leg to nudge Blaine with his toes, and Blaine rolls over with a heartfelt sigh and a yawn.

They both get up, and Sebastian finds a couple of towels and shows Blaine how to set the towel warmer and where the spare shampoo and conditioner are in case he wants a different scent. As Blaine hops in the shower, he watches as Sebastian goes back to the linen closet just outside the bathroom for new sheets. He then turns towards the water so it can cascade down his face.

Once out of the shower, he does a quick dry off with a warm towel, and then wraps one around his hips and heads back to the bedroom. Sebastian is there, putting a new blanket on the bed with the old sheets and such overflowing the hamper. Blaine chuckles, and Sebastian turns to him with a smile and a raised eyebrow. Blaine says, “I’ve only ever seen a hamper at Rachel’s place. I didn’t think anyone else used one instead of having piles for dirty and clean clothes.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “You better not be a slob, Anderson, or else this relationship will never work.”

“Lucky for both of us, I’m not a slob, although I do have more knick-knacks than your Spartan apartment. Where do you keep everything?”

“That’s the beauty of this place. Closets everywhere.”

“Damn, I only have one in the bedroom, you are making out.”

Sebastian digs in his dresser and comes out with some pajamas for Blaine. He says, “I usually just sleep in pajama pants, but this set comes with a shirt too, so wear whatever makes you comfortable. Let me hop in the shower, and we can finally get some shut-eye. It’s pushing three a.m.”

After a quick kiss from Sebastian, Blaine takes the clothes and puts on the pajamas. He sleeps cold, so he puts on the top as well. By the full bedside table, Blaine can see that Sebastian sleeps on the right side by the door, so he goes around to the left and crawls under the blankets. He doesn’t want to fall asleep before Sebastian joins him, so he sleepily blinks his eyes to stay awake, because they want to close fully.

After what feels like forever, but was probably less than ten minutes, Sebastian leaves the bathroom in a burst of steam. He’s rubbing a towel over his body to dry, and Blaine ogles him shamelessly. He doesn’t think Sebastian notices, except when Sebastian turns to the dresser to get his own pajamas, he shakes his ass and looks over his shoulder with a grin. Blaine laughs into his pillow.

Once Sebastian joins him in bed, Blaine snuggles close and sighs deeply. He’s replete and happy, and he hopes Sebastian feels the same. By the way Sebastian presses a kiss to his forehead and hums in contentment, he believes he is. Blaine drifts off to sleep with his lips turned up in a smile.

The next morning, they wake up late so just have a quick brunch because Blaine has to get back to his place to finish his readings for his master's. They make out against Sebastian’s door until Blaine finally pushes Sebastian away with a groan. “I really do have to go.”

“Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten I owe you a blowjob.” Sebastian presses one final fierce kiss to Blaine’s mouth before adding, “Yeah, okay. I want you to do well. Maybe we can buy you a bicycle next weekend? It’s pumpkin season, and we can take the train out of the city for a ride.”

Raising an eyebrow, Blaine asks, “Pumpkins and bikes? That seems unwieldy or something.”

“I have panniers for the back rack of my bike. We can fit some small pumpkins and apples or cider in them.”

“Are panniers like bags?”

“Yeah. They hook to the rack in back.”

“I’d love that, then!”

Once that is settled, Sebastian asks, “I’ll talk to you tonight?”

“Definitely,” Blaine replies as he kisses Sebastian one last time and heads out for the walk to his apartment with a spring in his step. Blaine does his readings and other schoolwork, and midweek, he and Sebastian meet to buy him a bike and dinner. They go to the shop where Sebastian bought his. It offers bikes beyond the typical racing or mountain bike, including touring and commuter models. Sebastian has a touring bike, but Blaine is more enticed by a tricked-out commuter bike with a rear rack, panniers, front and rear lights, and fenders for riding in wet weather.

It also comes in a brilliant blue, which is what caught Blaine’s eye first. He buys the bike, along with extra tubes, a pump to inflate his tires, a repair kit, and a helmet. As it turns out, there is an hour-long class on bike repair and maintenance that evening, so they get sandwiches for dinner so Blaine can attend.

Blaine starts to bike to his classes and around the city the next day. He enjoys it, even with the crazy cab drivers and suicidal pedestrians. He suddenly has a new appreciation for traffic rules. It also gets him used to biking again. He hasn’t been on a bike since middle school, probably.

They plan their trip to Westchester for pumpkins and a nice break from the city. They find a farm with pumpkin and apple picking, hayrides, food vendors, and other bucolic activities running throughout October. They decide to make it a weekend trip since Blaine has no classes on Fridays and Sebastian has vacation days he needs to use.

So, packing their panniers with extra clothes and toiletries while still leaving room for their trip souvenirs, they head out of town by train on the last Friday in October. After an hour’s train ride, they arrive in a small Westchester town awash with vibrant fall foliage. They bike the final twenty miles to their bed and breakfast on roads that twist through the trees, each tree painted in different colors like yellow, orange, and red. As their bike wheels crunch through the leaves, Blaine relaxes and slows down as his head swivels in order not to miss a thing. Sebastian is riding behind him, and he slows down too with a laugh.

When they stop at a straightaway for some water, Sebastian asks, “Enjoying the views?”

“Yes! It’s been so long since I've enjoyed anything like this. I’ve been spending the time before the holidays either in New York City or over in L.A. with my brother, since my parents usually want to get out of Ohio. And, I must admit, I think the colors here are even more brilliant than what we have in Ohio.”

Sebastian, also looking around at the foliage, says, “I try to get out of the city once or twice a season, but it doesn’t always work with cases and whatnot. I’m glad we planned this trip.”

“Me too,” Blaine replies with a soft grin. They resume biking and are at their B&B not too long after. After checking in, they converse with the proprietor, Melanie, about local restaurants and attractions. The property has lawns stretching to a small creek on one side and a horse ranch on the other. Beyond the creek is a forest again saturated in color. The B&B itself is a tall Victorian with wide porches and corner turrets. It’s a beautiful place.

Considering they picked it online, Blaine is thrilled with their choice. Melanie allows them to park their bikes in the barn at the back of the driveway, so they lock them there and carry their panniers up to their room. After unpacking, showering, and changing into clothes fit for a restaurant, they clamber down the stairs and walk to the nearest place. It’s an Italian restaurant that Melanie raves about, saying its pasta dishes are amazing.

Sebastian takes hold of Blaine’s hand once they hit the road, and Blaine has to duck his head to hide the pleased blush warming his cheeks. He doesn’t know why, but he loves it when Sebastian does lovingly innocent things like hand-holding. When he looks back up, he sees the setting sun paint the tops of the trees in an even more golden hue, and he is breathless at the beauty. Sebastian is also quiet, and his eyes are tracking the sun.

He says, “It’s worth taking this weekend off for this alone. Thanks for going outside your comfort zone, especially considering how new you are to biking.”

“No, hey. I should be thanking you. You’ve opened my eyes to things I never experienced, even though I’ve lived in the city for eight years.” He squeezes Sebastian’s hand and pats his forearm with his other hand to emphasize his feelings.

Turning to look down at him, Sebastian looks fond and happy. “Well, then, I’m happy to expand your world. I’ll show you Paris next.”

“I’m so holding you to that.” Blaine bounces a couple of steps. He’s always wanted to go to the City of Love, but Kurt had always been so focused on making it in New York that he was afraid of leaving and missing a one-time opportunity. Thus, they never went anywhere except to Ohio to see Blaine’s parents and old friends, and to D.C. to see Burt. Those trips were usually only a long weekend, even so.

They arrive at the restaurant shortly and are seated right away since it is early enough to be before the evening crowd. Sebastian orders baked ziti, while Blaine chooses manicotti with ricotta and spinach. As they wait for their dinners, Sebastian asks, “So, how were midterms?”

“Tough. The practicum midterm, in particular, was brutal. I love that we have clinical rotations right from the start and that they help teach us how to build relationships with our patients, but being graded on them sucks. It makes you second-guess every patient interaction.

“And then the advanced theory class is kicking my butt, which also sucks because I know how important it is, but all the advanced psychotherapy topics stress me out. I’m always doing background research to gain a better understanding, and I never know when it's enough.

“On the other hand, my music composition midterm was a breeze. I love composition, and improv is my jam.”

Blaine pauses there, wondering if that was too much detail, but Sebastian still looks at him with interest in his face. His chin is resting on his fist, and his head tilts in concentration on the conversation. Blaine feels seen. Sebastian asks, “You’re still also doing the jingle work? Because that sounds like a lot.”

“I am, but I’ve been scaling back, because you’re right, it’s a lot. I have enough in savings to go without work for most of my degree if I stop at a master’s, but I don’t want to lose all my contacts before I’m established as a music therapist, so I need to keep my toes in. Plus, if I continue on to a PhD, then I definitely need the income.”

“I didn’t know you were considering a PhD?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t originally, but I’ve been paying attention to the job boards at school, and a PhD is often required for hospital work, which is my current goal. I think I want that kind of varied experience before branching out on my own or anything like that.”

Their dishes arrive, so the conversation wanes and then switches to how good their food is and whether they’ll get dessert. Sebastian is advocating for tiramisu, but Blaine feels self-conscious. He’s still working on a lot with his therapist, but at times like this, he still struggles with his weight and self-image.

Sebastian seems to understand, because he says, “How about we both get cappuccinos, and I get the tiramisu? Then you can have a few bites, if you want.”

Blaine nods, and relief swirls in his belly. He can feel the understanding in Sebastian’s words, and he adores the lack of judgment in it. He loves that he can be imperfect and still feel loved. Or liked, rather. It's probably too soon to talk about love, although Blaine knows he is falling hard and fast. It’s only been three weeks, and he already feels closer to Sebastian than he has to anyone since he and Kurt first dated in high school. And that closeness was really only in his junior year, considering Kurt was distancing himself during Blaine’s senior year, and they remained rocky throughout their remaining relationship.

It's dark by the time they leave the restaurant, and Blaine is thankful their B&B is only about half a mile away, and most of their walk is through town on a sidewalk. It isn’t until the last bit that they have to walk on the road’s shoulder, and it’s a straightaway, so cars should be able to see them. Still, Sebastian takes out his phone and turns on the flashlight app, so they can see where they’re walking.

As they walk, Blaine resumes their conversation from dessert, which is about Sebastian’s career. “I do admit, I worry about you. I know you love being an agent, but the danger scares me.”

“Hey, none of that. Trust me.”

“Oh, I do. I can tell how good and dedicated you are, but it’s a dangerous job, and I’m not used to considering that. I’ve mostly been around artsy people.”

Sebastian hums in thought. Blaine likes how seriously Sebastian is taking his worries, particularly because Blaine knows it’s his problem and not Sebastian's, not really. “You know, Hirohito is a manager in his dad’s company, which makes electronics overseas, so I’ve had this conversation before. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to relieve your worries. Obviously, I try my best to be safe, but criminals are dangerous, and you never know from moment to moment what they’re going to do.”

“Yeah, I get it, I do. I know the problem is mine, not yours, and I don’t mean to make you think you’ve got to justify yourself or anything like that. I more… wanted to share the burden with you, not only for my sake, but to also let you know I’ll be here for you too.”

They are just reaching the driveway of their B&B, and Sebastian turns off the flashlight and says, “Look up at the sky.” Blaine looks up, and the stars feel like they are surrounding them. It’s amazing. He’s thankful that the B&B's dim porch light in the distance around the corner isn’t bright enough to mitigate the darkness of the night sky. He turns to Sebastian, and he knows his face is glowing. Sebastian is already looking fondly at him, and he caresses the side of Blaine’s cheek before leaning down to kiss the smile off Blaine’s face.

The kiss is sweet but passionate. Blaine doesn’t know whether the passion comes from Sebastian’s confidence, their working well together, or his own freedom from his insecurities but he loves it. As they break apart with a final squeeze of his hand by Sebastian, Sebastian returns to their conversation as they resume their walk down the driveway. “You’re always such a sweetheart. It does make me more settled to discuss this with you, I guess. It’s been a fraught conversation in the past.”

Blaine squeezes Sebastian’s hand back and rests his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. “I’ll always try to be understanding. I’ve been…, well, I’ve been happier these last few weeks than I’ve been in forever.”

Wrapping his arm around Blaine’s waist, Sebastian says, “Me too, killer. Me too.”

They reach the B&B and say goodnight to Melanie before heading up to their room. They make love that night, and it is bliss. He feels deeply emotional as Sebastian cradles him in his arms and thrusts into him with intensity. Blaine is glad for the darkness in hiding his expression, which he knows shows too much for dating only three weeks or so. As they cuddle before falling asleep, He reminds himself again that it is too soon to be in love. He feels like he is lying to himself, though.

The next day dawns bright and clear. After showers and a late breakfast, they get back on their bikes and travel the fifteen miles to the farm and apple orchard for which they have tickets to a fall festival. They lock their bikes together to a fence post at the entrance to the farm, and then wander about enjoying the activities. Blaine is happily thrilled to see how relaxed Sebastian is amid all the screaming and running children. Kurt would have been uncomfortable, but the smile never leaves Sebastian’s face.

They take a hay ride, attempt a hay bale mini-maze, laughing as they get turned around. They pick apples but decide to buy their pumpkins and cider at the store. By the time afternoon rolls around and Blaine is starving, they have exhausted the activities and decide to head to the food trucks after packing their goods into their panniers. It’s been a brilliant day, and they never run out of things to talk about or get tired of each other’s company. Blaine’s cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much.

As they sit next to each other at a picnic table with their food, their thighs press together and their fingers twist together in between bites. It’s intimate without being overt, and it is just the right amount of touch to keep Blaine comfortable in his skin and acknowledged. It’s not hiding, more just keeping it lowkey because he knows how people can get about gay people among their children, and he doesn’t want this perfect day ruined by some homophobe.

It's just been too perfect to mar that way.

After eating, they bike back to the B&B, where they cozy up in the living room on the sofa with a fire ablaze, where Blaine catches up on his schoolwork and Sebastian reads the latest Stephen King thriller. It’s a quiet and relaxed evening, finally broken up by Blaine’s growling stomach. They eat at a different restaurant in town and head to bed early because they have a busy day of traveling the next morning.

After the B&B breakfast, they are on the road to the train station by ten a.m. It’s not a long train ride, just over an hour or so, but each of them has tasks to complete before Monday. On the train, Sebastian falls asleep slouched with his head on Blaine’s shoulder. It’s adorable, and Blaine will never tell, since he wants it to happen again.

Once back in the city, they share a lingering kiss and split up to each bike home.

In the midst of Blaine’s studying that night, he has the realization that he and Sebastian never disagreed or were tense with each other over the weekend. Well, they haven’t fought at all yet, but spending the whole weekend together was a first, and he and Sebastian managed happily. This is a startling contrast to living with Kurt. They didn’t manage a day without tension. It gives him hope for him and Sebastian, and validates his burgeoning feelings.

It's Halloween on Tuesday, but because of their trip, Sebastian and he miss the Warbler party. Instead, they each hang out at their individual homes, giving out candy and talking on the phone. It’s a nice break from studying for Blaine. With November starting the next day, he has just about a month of university until his semester finals, and he knows it will go by fast. Sebastian understands, and they agree to spend one or two nights together on dates, but to be flexible around Blaine's classwork.

They talk on the phone every evening, as they have gotten into the habit of doing before they started dating. During a call a week or so later, Sebastian asks, “Do you have Thanksgiving plans?”

Blaine replies, “Not really. My parents are going to L.A. to see Cooper, but I didn’t buy tickets because I wasn’t sure how school would go. Considering the volume of studying I need to do, I’m glad I held off. I think I’ll need most of the break to study.”

Sebastian hums. “Yeah, I have no plans either. My dad is on a cruise with his second wife, and my mom obviously doesn’t celebrate. Would you be interested in coming over if I cook?”

“Of course! I mean, yeah, I need to study, but I’ll make time for you. In fact, I wouldn’t miss it. I didn’t even know you could cook.”

“Ha! I learned after college when I got sick of take-out.”

“I must admit, I’m skilled enough not to burn water, but beyond eggs and toast, I’m pretty clueless.”

They hang out a couple of times before Thanksgiving, a little less than they had optimistically planned, between Blaine’s studying and another hot case of Sebastian’s. Sebastian sleeps over at Blaine’s twice, and Blaine sleeps at his once. Sebastian refuses to share his Thanksgiving menu, except to confirm it involves turkey and is mostly traditional. Blaine tries pouting to get him to give in, but Sebastian kisses it off his face, and Blaine forgets all about it as they stumble into his bedroom, shredding clothes.

Thanksgiving dawns bright and brisk. Blaine promises to leave his school books at home so they can focus on enjoying the holiday. Arriving at Sebastian’s early enough so they can watch the parade, Blaine brings crackers and cheese to nibble on as the turkey cooks. Sebastian gives him such a scorching kiss as a welcome that Blaine’s tray of food tips and is in danger of falling until Sebastian saves it. Thankfully, it is securely wrapped. Sebastian winks at Blaine and asks, “Enjoy your welcome?”

Blaine hastily puts the tray on the accent table by the door and reels Sebastian in for another kiss. Against Sebastian’s lips, Blaine admits, “How you can kiss like that and keep your cool, I’ll never know. You scramble my brain.”

Squeezing Blaine’s ass, Sebastian says, “I don’t keep my cool, I just fake it better.” They kiss again, and Sebastian starts peeling off Blaine’s jacket and rucking his sweater, but before they get too far, a timer goes off, and Sebastian pulls away with a start. He says, “My stuffing!” and runs towards his kitchen.

Blaine is left in the doorway with his clothes ruffled and his eyes blinking. He huffs out a laugh. He’s never seen Sebastian more interested in anything nonsexual. Well, maybe besting the New Directions, but this is going to be a novel day. Closing the front door, Blaine takes his tray into Sebastian’s living room and places it on the coffee table.

Speaking over the TV, which is showing the pre-parade commentary, he asks, “Do you need help?”

“I got it!”

It smells even more amazing inside, and Blaine’s stomach rumbles at the savory aromas. Sebastian comes out of the kitchen with two glasses of cider, and Blaine raises his eyebrows when he takes a sip, because the applejack in it is intense. He coughs a bit. “Isn’t it a little early for drinking?”

Grinning at him as he takes a long sip, Sebastian raises his glass in a cheer. “Not on a holiday! This is a tried-and-true Smythe tradition. Usually, it involves way more distant relatives than one can stand, but no harm in getting a little tipsy while watching the parade.”

“While I appreciate the sentiment, and kinda wish it was an Anderson tradition as well, considering my Aunt Doris, I should probably eat something so I’m not drinking on an empty stomach.”

“I have just the thing,” Sebastian replies and comes back with two bagels with cream cheese. “I went out early to get them to tide us over since we won’t be eating until about two p.m.”

They settle on the sofa to watch the parade, with Sebastian jumping up now and then to take care of some part of the meal he was cooking. He doesn’t allow Blaine to help, saying that, since it is their first Thanksgiving together, Blaine is a guest this time.

Blaine drinks his applejack slowly as the floats go by and the commentators gush. He never gets beyond tipsy and stays that way throughout most of the morning. It's relaxing and lowkey as they talk about everything and nothing. It’s a pretty great start to the holiday weekend.

Once the parade is over, Blaine thinks to ask, “What are your Black Friday traditions?”

Coming back from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a tea towel with pumpkins on it, Sebastian says, “Since moving to New York, it’s been the Godzilla marathon.”

Expecting some shopping tradition or family time, Blaine blinks in surprise. The what now? His confusion must show on his face because Sebastian says, “On channel 9?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, and must admit the randomness of it is oddly amusing but also baffling.”

Sebastin grins at him. “Come on, killer, what’s more Thanksgiving than a giant monster destroying Tokyo?”

“Are you trolling me right now?”

Laughing, Sebastian replies, “I’m actually not. Channel 9 really does do a Godzilla marathon every Black Friday. It’s cheesy and ridiculous, but I love it.”

“So… you don’t go shopping? At all?”

Now grimacing, Sebastian shakes his head. “Is that what you do? With all the crowds?”

Guessing he has found a fundamental difference between them, he says, “Well, yeah. It’s about getting up at six a.m. to find great deals, but also sharing the experience with everyone else.”

“I gotta admit, killer, it sounds like sharing the final night on the Titanic. Sure, you’re all in it together, but it’s cold, wet, and everyone is panicking.”

Sticking his tongue out at Sebastian, Blaine is going to give a witty rejoinder (once he thinks of one), but something beeps, and Sebastian runs into the kitchen again. Blaine is dead curious about what Sebastian is cooking. He admits it’s traditional, but also says he's put his own twists on standard recipes, and Blaine can’t even begin to guess what Sebastian is cooking by smell. The turkey aroma and cinnamon-y cider overpowers everything else.

They each try to persuade the other to follow their Black Friday tradition as Blaine sets the table with the fancy dishes and silverware that Sebastian provides him. He also points him to where the candles are kept, and by the time Blaine is done, the table looks festive and intimate. It’s right on time since the food is also done. Sebastian says the turkey needs to cool for a bit before he carves it, so they sit down for their salads first.

It turns out to be a pomegranate and persimmon salad, with other fall ingredients. It’s tart and delicious, and Blaine says, “If all your dishes are as great as this, I’m in for a treat.”

“Oh, you definitely are! Some are new recipes, but others are proven hits. Hirohito and I usually hosted Thanksgiving for our mutual friends. We both got into cooking.”

Blaine knows he would usually feel jealous at how casually Hirohito comes up in conversation all the time with Sebastian, particularly with the warmth in which he speaks of him. However, the tone is also nostalgic, and Blaine has grown enough to understand that Sebastian still cares for Hirohito, but they aren’t in love anymore. So, he feels there is space in Sebastia’s heart to fall in love with him, as is happening with him. The lack of fear is wonderfully relaxing.

Once the salad is done, Sebastian takes their plates to pile them with the side dishes. Sebastian’s dining table is on the smaller side, so between their plates and the turkey, there isn’t much room left over. He comes back with the turkey first, and then returns with their plates. There are piles of various dishes. Blaine sees stuffing, twice-cooked potatoes in their jackets, applesauce, squash, and carrots with pecans.

As Sebastian carves, Blaine refreshes their drinks with the sparkling wine.

Once the turkey and gravy are also dished out, Blaine insists on doing gratitudes. Sebastian says, “That’s beyond cheesy, you do know that, right? We’re not in a sitcom.”

“Shut up. It might be cheesy, but it is an Anderson family tradition.”

Sebastian holds his hands up in a gesture of peace. “I wouldn’t want to rain on your tradition, I guess.” He sticks his tongue out and, with a grin, adds, “But you go first.”

“Let’s see. I’m grateful for my family and their ongoing support. I wouldn’t believe in myself without them. I’m grateful for the Warblers and how they accepted me so easily back into their brotherhood. I’m grateful you can cook.”

This one makes Sebastian laugh as Blaine had hoped it would. Taking a risk since they haven’t defined their relationship yet, he ends with, “I’m happy that I’m the right me at the right time with the right you. Or at least all those feel true.”

Sebastian reached over the table to squeeze his hand. “Well, now I’m feeling the pressure. I have no idea how to be that grateful.”

“It’s not a competition!”

“I guess I am the right me for the right you. I was going to say that everything’s a competition, but I realize I don’t believe that anymore. So, maybe I’m grateful that’s no longer true because I’ve been hella happy since I gave up that perspective. And having you back in my life is like the sun breaking through the clouds. Life was good before, and yet everything is brighter now.”

“And you say you don’t know how to be sweet.”

“Shush! It’s still my turn now.”

Blaine laughs but is eager to hear what else Sebastian will say. He lets go of Blaine’s hand and continues with, “I’m also grateful for the Warbler brotherhood for bringing us together and for all my friends and family who helped me grow. I love my life and the people in it, and I know how easily things could have gone worse for me. So, yeah. Whatever that was.”

Seeing how uncomfortable Sebastian was with the sappy honesty (though Blaine felt like he was glowing, it made him so happy), Blaine asked, “So, what are we eating?”

“So, the new-to-me dish is Zimbabwean Nhopi. It’s made from peanut butter and butternut squash. It smells good, so I have high hopes for it.

“Then we have my staples of cider applesauce, as well as sausage, cornbread, and tart cherry stuffing. Hirohito loved everything apple, so he’s the one who found that recipe, and I hate plain stuffing, so I went looking for something a bit more flavorful.

“Simple twice-cooked potatoes, because what is Thanksgiving without potatoes? And finally, an old Smythe family recipe for roasted carrots with whipped goat cheese and pecans. It’s amazing, too. We have it at every family gathering.

“And, of course, turkey! Just the breast since there are only two of us, but we’ll do a big spread some other year. Invite the Warblers over or something.”

They dive in, and despite the many diverse flavors, the meal feels cohesive to Blaine. The peanut butter and squash dish is savory, and mixing it up with the tart stuffing is mind-blowing for Blaine; it’s so good. Damn, but Sebastian can cook.

The applesauce is great with the turkey, such that they almost don’t need gravy. Not that Blaine gives it up. He just has to eat twice the turkey. By the time they are scraping the last bites off their plates, Blaine is replete and a bit sleepy.

Sebastian’s eyes are drooping too. He stands with a groan and says, “Come help me put away the leftovers and fill the dishwasher. I’m ready for lazing about.”

Blaine hastily stands and picks up his plate. “No, let me do it. You’ve been cooking for hours.” With some convincing, Sebastian allows Blaine to clean, but insists on storing the leftovers himself to help. Two people make quick work of it, particularly since Sebastian is a ‘clean as you go’ kind of cook.

After they are done, they cuddle on Sebastian’s couch, half-heartedly arguing about what to watch on TV. Before long, however, sleep overtakes him, and Blaine dozes, feeling warm and replete. Eventually, they wake up and have pumpkin pie as they binge-watch the latest Bridgerton season.

It’s late when they go to bed. Blaine convinces Sebastian to join him for the madness that is six a.m. shopping on Black Friday by agreeing to come back to Sebastian’s afterwards to watch Godzilla, which he still finds utterly ridiculous and absurd. Still, he’s willing because it’s Sebastian asking.

Shopping is as stressful and brilliant as Black Friday always is. With steaming cups of coffee to help them wake up, they hit the stores Blaine had already earmarked for great deals. By the end of the morning, Sebastian has gotten a Burberry coat that he loves, while Blaine has three bags full of stuff, including Christmas presents for half the people on his list.

They settle back at Sebastian’s with hot cocoa and leftover pie, and damn if Blaine doesn’t enjoy Godzilla destroying Tokyo after the crazy crowds of Black Friday.

After that relaxing weekend, it becomes a frantic week of studying for Blaine before finals happen in the beginning of December. Sebastian has gotten a tough domestic terrorism case at the same time, so their time together is infrequent and sporadic. It makes Blaine extra thankful for their time together beforehand.

Still, the stress they are each under is hard to cope with. Blaine tries to be there for Sebastian, at least as a listening ear, and he knows Sebastian was also trying in the beginning, but Blaine still feels alone. Plus, he is worried about Sebastian. It is obvious Sebastian isn’t telling him everything, and he doesn’t know how to bridge that gap. Sebastian always just claims he is fine.

Blaine discusses it with his therapist and tries the strategies she proposed, but it doesn’t feel like enough. He can feel his anxiety rising, causing his heart to race and his hands to shake each time he talks to Sebastian and gets the run-around.

He knows he has to focus on finals before he can confront Sebastian, though. He has worked hard all semester, and this represents his future. He doesn’t want to get into the same unhealthy patterns with Sebastian that he had with Kurt, where his whole life took a backseat to his partner’s needs. As his therapist keeps reminding him, he needs to focus on himself first. That old adage about putting on your air mask first before you can help anyone else.

So, he puts his relationship on the back burner of his mind and tries not to take it personally when Sebastian stops calling and only sends the occasional text, saying he’s okay and wishing Blaine good luck on his finals. It becomes harder to do when Sebastian starts sending his calls to voicemail towards the end of finals week. It feels like the worst of his relationship with Kurt all over again. Sebastian will text saying, “Can’t talk now,” but that isn’t reassuring. Blaine’s worry skyrockets, but he grits his teeth and tries to channel his feelings into connecting with his patients during his practicum final.

After his last final is finished on Friday afternoon, he bikes home and changes. He is going to see Sebastian come hell or high water and find out what is going on. By the time he arrives at Sebastian’s, it’s 7pm, which Blaine figures is late enough for Sebastian to be home. He has specifically not called ahead, not wanting Sebastian to put him off.

He picks up Halal takeout on his way there to soften the meeting, however. He doesn’t want to be too confrontational.

He hates feeling so nervous as he reaches Sebastian’s building and tries to focus on how good things had been just two weeks ago, but it’s hard. Pressing the intercom button for Sebastian’s apartment, Blaine is surprised when someone steps out of the door, obviously armed. As Blaine stares at them in shock, the man says, “No delivery.”

Stuttering, Blaine replies, “Uh, yeah, no. I’m here to see my boyfriend?”

Hearing a tinny voice come from the man’s earpiece, but unable to understand the words, Blaine feels as if he is in the wrong, but also has no idea what is going on. It makes his thoughts stutter and stop and then race again as he tries to figure out what is going on.

The man nods as the tinny voice stops, and he says to Blaine, “I’ll need to see some ID.”

Not wanting to go anywhere with an armed man, Blaine asks, “I’m sorry, but who are you?” The man has been courteous, even if abrupt, but Blaine is now panicking.

Finally, the man flashes a badge and says, “Agent Stone. FBI.”

“Are you here for Sebastian Smythe? He’s my boyfriend. Is he okay?”

“I’ll need to see some ID, sir, and check the food.”

“Oh! Okay, sorry,” Blaine replies as he fishes for his wallet. His nerves are jangling again. This is obviously not just Sebastian getting tired of Blaine. There is more going on, and now Blaine is afraid for Sebastian.

Blaine hands over his driver’s license, and Agent Stone uses a scanner to make sure it's real, which is another sign of how serious whatever is going on is. After rifling through the bag of food containers, looking for what, Blaine has no idea, Agent Stone finally hands it back. He then says, “Please proceed to the elevator. My partner, Agent Howards, will meet you on the third floor.”

“Ah, okay…” Blaine mutters as he sidles past Agent Stone and practically sprints to the elevator. He is desperate to set eyes on Sebastian and see for himself that he’s fine, and then he can berate him for not warning Blaine he’s in danger or whatever.

Once on the third floor, Agent Howards also asks to see his ID, but he does not recheck the food before letting him into Sebastian’s apartment. Sebastian is standing by the kitchen doorway, well away from the windows, and rushes to Blaine and hugs him tightly. “God, Blaine, what are you doing here?”

“You wouldn’t talk to me,” Blaine mumbles into his shoulder as he also holds on tight.

“I didn’t want to put you in danger. I thought that my texts would be enough while you were doing your finals.”

“They’re done already.”

“Already? God, I’m so sorry. Things have been crazy for the last three weeks, and I’ve barely been able to keep up.”

“What’s going on? Why are there armed FBI agents in your building with you? Does this have to do with that terrorism case you got? I’m scared, Sebastian.”

Finally releasing Blaine, Sebastian runs a hand through his straggly hair, making Blaine notice his ragged appearance. Usually Sebastian is coiffed and styled, but he’s in sweats and a loose T-shirt, and his hair is a tangled mess, longer than Blaine has ever seen it. He has stubble, and his eyes have deep black circles around them.

“I don’t know how much I can share at this juncture- the case is ongoing, and all the perpetrators haven’t been arrested yet. Although it is wonderful to see your face, I wish you hadn’t come down here. It’s not safe.”

“I got that from the armed men in your building and apartment.” Blaine knows his words came out kind of snide, but Sebastian still hasn’t told him anything. What the hell is going on?

Sebastian’s gaze flickers towards the two men holding fort in his apartment, one to the side of the window, peeking out through the blinds, while Agent Howards is muttering into his phone over at the table, which has a bunch of equipment on it, none of which Blaine recognizes, except the laptop and microphone.

“Come into the bedroom, we can talk there.”

Agent Howards says, “Headquarters has given you permission to read Mr. Anderson in. Stay away from the windows, remember.”

Sebastian nods and replies, “I know, Jerry. We’ll be careful.”

Once in the bedroom, Sebastian stops Blaine from turning on the light, instead turning on the bathroom light and closing the door halfway, which still gives a sliver of light for Blaine to make out Sebastian’s face. Blaine’s heart rate increases more. “What can you tell me? Are you in danger? What am I saying; you’re obviously in danger.”

“It is related to that domestic terrorism case I got. I was picked to go undercover and determine the leaders, since my WASPness matched the perpetrator's background. Unfortunately, the second-in-command, who never fully trusted me, made me just before everyone was arrested in the sting operation, and got away. So, I’m in a sort of witness protection until he’s found.”

“Witness protection! Will you need to change your name and leave everything behind? Sebastian!”

Wrapping his arm around Blaine again and pulling him close, Sebastian places his hand on Blaine’s jaw. This keeps their gazes locked on each other, and Blaine’s chest squeezes with words he can’t say. Sebastian replies, “Don’t freak out. We were lucky, and this was an isolated group. From what I’ve been told, they are closing in on the second-in-command, and once he’s behind bars, everything can go back to normal. I promise.”

“And I might have put you in more danger by coming here. I’m so sorry, Sebastian.”

“Never apologize when we both know I’m the one in the wrong.”

“I’m just so afraid of losing you.”

“You won’t lose me by standing up for yourself; that’s how you keep me. I love it when you’re strong and confident. And I should have reached for you instead of pushing you away. It was because of fear, not my love. I was a coward. And these guys aren’t an organized militia, just a bunch of Yuppies with dreams of dominance.”

Filing the coward bit away to discuss later, as well as the terrorists, Blaine, with his heart in his throat, asks, “You love me?”

With an exasperated but fond look, Sebastian says, “Come on, Blaine. You must know I've been in love with you since high school.”

Blaine gapes like a fish. His heart starts racing; he’s so overcome. “I didn’t, actually. I thought it was just a conflation of friendship and lust back then.”

Pressing a fierce kiss to Blaine’s mouth that lasts nowhere near long enough, Sebastian looks wrecked when he pulls back. “I loved you with everything in me when we were in high school, even though I couldn’t pry you away from Hummel, and I love you even more deeply now. You’re everything to me. I want to spend the rest of our lives together and grow old and be the annoying cutesy couple in the retirement home.

“I shouldn’t have shut you out. I just couldn’t get the words out that I was in danger, and you could be too, so I tried to push you away to keep you safe. I kept telling myself it would just be for just one more day, which turned into a week, and then another. I was so stupid, and I’m so sorry.”

It suddenly strikes Blaine how quickly Sebastian has owned up to his actions and how bad they are. He has discussed in therapy how Kurt never actually said he was sorry for anything. It has always left a lingering, bitter taste in his mouth that Kurt still feels like Blaine was too clingy and in the wrong, no matter how hurtful Kurt’s actions were. It makes him even more thankful for Sebastian, even with this drama and possible danger.

Blaine tugs Sebastian closer and kisses him passionately. They tangle tongues for long, drawn-out minutes, until Sebastian breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Blaine’s. “While I love kissing you, it’s probably best not to do more with the guys in my apartment.”

Whispering, Blaine says, “I get it. It was my way of showing you that I forgive you. Hopefully, we’ve both learned how to be better to each other. I’ll try to remain cognizant of your job and its threats, even though I hate the thought of you in danger. I should have realized something bigger was going on. You’ve never been an inconsiderate person.”

“And I promise to communicate better. I never meant to worry you, and I feel horrible for ghosting you unintentionally.”

“So, we’re on the same page?”

“That we love each other and will do better? Absolutely.”

Sebastian beams at him as he says this, and Blaine can feel his own sappy smile. To have this serious issue resolved, with Sebastian acknowledging his errors and promising to do better, is a balm to his soul. Yes, he now has over a year of therapy telling him he deserves better, but he hasn’t been sure he would fight for it, even so. So, to have Sebastian encourage him to fight for his dignity and step up is such a weight off his mind. He actually feels physically lighter, even.

As Sebastian tenderly kisses him again, Blaine smiles into it before closing his eyes and enjoying. He feels it will only be upwards from here, and he can’t wait.