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Na hwajin had heard some stories before.
Students lying , rumors , teachers exaggerating but the boy sitting across him didn't seemed to be lying , at least not about something like this. The boy looked terrified , his hand trembling around the cup of water Hwajin had given hi.
"I swear sir , I didn't know."
The student whispered , his voice shaking , Na hwajin leaned forward.
"Start from the beginning."
The boy swallowed
"There was this website.."
No , it wasn't only a website , it was an invitation , private links , dark web streams and money , underground fights and so on about fame.
Stupid teenagers do fancy them and gets excited about them , not knowing the consequences.
Hwajin's expression darkened
"And your friend?"
The boy lowered his head , tears on his face
"He bribed them"
"Bribed?"
"He wouldn't listened"
The boy's voiced shook
"They rejected him , multiple times but he kept bothering them and said he would bring money"
Hwajin closed his eyes , how naive can students be? How far can they go for some ugly money?
His blood ran cold when the boy spoke again
"They accepted him today"
Na hwajin stood up immediately
"Where?"
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
Na Hwajin followed the student , the traces and all and soon , they found themselves in a building , it was strange , he saw two guards , he needed to enter but didn't hesitate to knocked them down quickly because he couldn't lose time as a student was in danger
Another person came from the front and lashed out a knife , Hwajin disarmed him and slammed him unconscious into the wall
His breathing remained calm but not his heart , something felt wrong , a lot
He forced open the steel door but suddenly froze , there were no crowds , only cameras and that how he finally got it , streaming and the dark webs , it made sense
There were lights , equipments , dozens of them , some men watching thr monitors , big money , dark web broadcasts and most importantly , blood
So much blood
His stomach twisted
But then he saw the student , the boy was kneeling inside the ring , bleeding , crying and terrified
Hwajin moved forward
"Hey!"
Two men blocked his path
"Who're you!?"
Hwajin ignored them, his eyes were on the student , he was begging
"I'm sorry , please!"
The another came voice
It was calm but cold
"Enough"
Hwajin froze.
His breathing got uneven,
No , it couldn't possibly be..
His eyes slowly lifted and suddenly , the world stopped.
Baekjeong
Blood covered his knuckles , bruises decorated his face , his expression was calm , too calm for a man like this,
It was the same expression he wore when he drank coffee with Hwajin , when he slept beside him.
The same expression he wore when he would give him goodnight kisses.
"No.."
His voice cracked , he was hallucinating because it couldn't be Baekjeong right there.
It wasn't real,
It must be a nightmare , an illusion , anything but not him
Baekjeong could no longer hear the boy , he was tired , the kid had pushed too far , he bribed his men , ignore the warnings and almost gotten himself killed , Baekjeong stepped forward
The student cried
"Please!"
Hwajin moved.
Fast
Too fast , his body acted before his mind could order so , he broke the lock , ripping the metal bars , he placed himself between the boy and Baekjeong , protecting
Always protecting because that was after all , his job.
"Enough."
The word exploded form his , the entire room went silent.
Baekjeong's eyes widened,
For the first time in years-
Baekjeong felt the fear , he saw it.
"Hwajin?"
The word came out broken.
Impossible , Na Hwajin? Here?
No.
It shouldn't be him , why was he here? Why should he be here? Right now?
Hwajin's chest rose and fell violently , why was Baekejong here? Shirtless? Bruised knuckles? With wrappers? Why was it so cold suddenly?
"Sir!"
But Hwajin never looked away from Baekjeong.
"Get out"
The boy hesitated,
"But I-"
"I said , get out!"
The boy ran to his friend who stumble on him but both of them stood up and started running away , Baekjeong's men moved
"Stop"
His voice sent chills down their spine , controlling and leading
"Let them go"
The wanted to argue , to say why , to ask why but none of them dared to ask , not someone with bruised knuckles , not someone who isn't even afraid of death
"Get out now , everyone"
His voice stayed calm
Within seconds , the room was emptied but the tension was still high on the air , with Baekjeong and Na Hwajin there , together yet miles apart , neither of them moved or dared to breathed , Hwajin stared at him , his eyes burned
Baekjeong had that look on his face , not angry or annoyed but for the first time in years , it was fear
Somehow , Hwajin found out , Hwajin saw him
Because the only thing Baekjeong cared about had just witnessed the ugliest part of him , the violent side
"Hwajin-"
His voice shook
"No"
His voice cracked but let out a small laugh , it wasn't even a laughed but a horrible sound , disbelieving , it was broken
Baekjeong stepped forward but Hwajin stepped back immediately , and it hurt , it hurt him more than the bruises he got.
"Hwajin-"
"No!"
His eyes echoed through the room , tears almost filled his eyes.
Baekjeong froze when he heard him laughing , his voice was shaking , again , not a laughed but a broken sound.
"Tell me I'm fucking dreaming"
The were silence , no answers and Hwajin snapped.
"Fucking tell me!"
Baekjeong lowered his head , he couldn't , there were nothing he could hide anymore. Hwajin's breathing got uneven , his whole body shook , the tears threatening to fall.
"The bruises,"
He started , his voice cracked
"The broken ribs,"
Baekjeong closed his eyes
"The cuts , the scars I treated,"
His tears finally fell.
"The night I stayed awake because you wouldn't stopped bleeding."
His voice rose.
"The man I kissed goodnight everyday"
He took another stepped backward.
"The man I slept beside"
His voice shattered.
"The man I loved-"
Hwajin stopped right there , because saying more means getting hurt more while Baekjeong looked destroyed , like he had failed.
"Hwajin.."
"What are you?"
The question broke him , his voice straightened itself , cold.
Baekjeong flinched , not because of the words but because Na Hwajin was looking at him like he was a stranger , a danger to the city , a whole another person.
"What are you?"
Hwajin whispered , again.
There were silence until he spoke again.
"What have you done?"
"I survived."
His voice came out rough while Hwajin , stared , but the anger exploded.
"By hurting people?"
His voice sharp
"They choose-"
"Don't,"
The air shifted between them , Hwajin's eyes darkened.
"Don't you dare."
"They choosed this."
"He's a fucking child!"
Hwajin snapped , breathing heavily , his eyes blurry from the tears
"He bribed-"
"A fucking child!"
Baekjeong narrowed his eyebrows , finally , he snapped out of it too.
"And what the fuck do you know about survival!?"
Hwajin froze.
The words hung in the air for a while.
Baekjeong regretted speaking instantly.
But it was too late , Hwajin stared at him for a while , his voice came out small.
"So , that's it?"
He didn't cry further but his chest still hurt , the words hurt
"That's your answer?"
"I-"
"You hurt people."
"I know."
"You listened to me talking about protecting victims."
"I know."
"You let me love you"
Baekjeong's breath hitched , because those words hurts , it hit harder than he expected it to be
Hwajin shook his head , disgust and pain.
Love and anger.
Those mixed together were like a poisoned , a dangerous one , and it was killing him.
"You know what the worst part is?"
Baekjeong looked up.
"I still love you,"
Hwajin's voice broke , the confession broke something inside Baekjeong.
"And I hate myself for it."
The silence were heavy and painful
Baekjeong was breaking at a point but Hwajin could no longer stay , not here , not now , not with victims blood om his hands
He turned , Baekjeong watched him move
He tried to stop him but was it really a good idea? His foot stopped himself , they were stucked on the floor
Hwajin was then gone , he left , leaving him alone , fear in his chest.
Baekjeong felt helpless.
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
Baekjeong returned home that day , doubting himself if he should but in the end , he did
When he returned home , he didn't expect to see Hwajin home , not after that , not after seeing the hatred in his eyes.
The apartment was quiet , empty , his keys hit the counter , no one greeted him , no one to say 'you are late' to him , no annoyed look , no one talking about their day , no Hwajin.
Baekjeong stood in the middle of the room , waiting , but waiting for what? He doesn't even know that himself , he glanced towards the kitchen , Hwajin was always there , waiting for him with food on the table , but no one was there , no greeting , no one sitting at the table , waiting for him.
His phone remained silent for hours , he waited and waited.
Midnight came.
An hour , two , then three.
Baekjeong couldn't find the sleep , not with the man he loved missing. Whenever he tries to sleep , he could only see the way Hwajin cried , the way his voice cracked. The way he spoke
'You let me love you'
And it broke him completely , for the first time in years , even violence didn't scare him but losing Na Hwajin , just the fear of losing him
He couldn't even imagined losing the man he loves
Baekjeong isn't really afraid of anything, prison , violence , people , what he was scared the most was losing the man he loves
Morning soon came , Baekjeong decided to call him and he did , multiple times but there were no answer , he even sent a message but still , no reply
Hours passed by , it was afternoon , he called again but still no answer , he was quite worried but Hwajin after all , is an inspector and can defend himself
Evening came , no one came home , Baekjeong was sat in the living room , his expression hardened.
Night came , still nothing , he stared at the clock , eight , nine then ten.
His patience wearing thin , he snapped , he stood up , grabbed his jacket and left the house
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
He walked for a few minutes,
The smell suddenly hit him before seeing him.
Cheap alcohol , his jaw tightened.
Around the corner , under dim lights , was a small shop.
And there he saw , Na Hwajin sitting , alone , a half empty bottle infront of him , his coat losely dropped over his shoulder slightly , eyes tired , almost red, yet he was fully concious , Hwajin noticed the presence of Baekjeong and looked away immediately
It hurt more than it should for Baekjeong , he let out a deep sigh
He walked up to him and sat at the opposite of him , neither of them spoke , the one man who run the shop disappeared quietly inside , Hwajin took another sip
"Hwajin"
He called out to him but it seemed like he was ignoring him
"Hwajin-"
He called again
"Go away."
His voice was rough , tired , Baekjeong remaind seated
"No."
Na Hwajin let out a small laughed , it was quiet , it wasn't funny but he was tired of these nonsense , he was exhausted at one point
"Still giving orders , I see"
Baekjeong ignored it
"Come home."
"No."
"Hwajin."
"No."
"You've had enough."
Na Hwajin finally looked up , his eyes bloodshot , he stared at the band-aid near his lips then looked up to his eyes
"You dont get to tell me anything."
Baekjeong was silent
"You don't get to decide where I go."
His voice cracked , Baekjeong let out a sigh
"You've been gone since yesterday,"
"So?"
"So come home."
Hwajin finally stood up,
Baekjeong stood up immediately too.
"I'm not going anywhere with you , final point."
"Na Hwajin , lets-"
"No."
"I said-"
"No! I already said fucking no and that's the final point!"
The people nearby turned , Baekjeong hated the attention , Hwajin knew he shouldn't have yelled because people were staring , he let out a sigh.
He bite his lower lip.
Hwajin looked down , his hands being shaky.
Before he could react , Baekjeong grabbed his waist and threw him over his shoulder , the younger man was startled by the sudden action.
"What the hell!?"
Na Hwajin struggled for once , he was actually struggling , punching his back and even kicking.
"Put me down!"
"No."
"Baekjeong!"
"No."
"You fucking bastard!"
"I know."
Hwajin struggled a lot , he was strong , indeed but for once , he couldn't get down. Baekjeong's hands weren't hurting him at all but it was grabbing him , even though lightly , he still couldn't get out from his grip. It was almost unbelievable.
"Baekjeong , Put me down!"
"No."
And he reasoned with him , people stared , Baekjeong didn't care. Na Hwajin hated the attention and hated every second of it.
But beneath the anger , he felt safe.
He hated himself for that.
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
Later , they got back
The moment they entered the apartment , Baekjeong put Hwajin down carefully but he suddenly shoved him.
Hard,
Too hard.
Baekjeong wasn't expecting it , his balanced slipped.
There were a crash.
The flower pot shattered , his head had hit the edge , blood immediately ran down his temple , there were silence , both of the froze , Baekjeong groaned quietly as his head was suddenly throbbing. He slowly got up , touching the blood , Hwajin's breath caught.
The first instinct of his was to move , grabbed the aid kit , checked the wound but instead , he clenched his fist. He wasn't going to this time , no.
Instead , Hwajin folded his arms.
Baekjeong didn't say much , he thought Hwajin would at least be worried , because usually , Hwajin would always fussed over him.
But right now , he just stood there , looking at him with those eyes , breathing hard.
Baekjeong slowly moved towards him , blood dripping down his cheek. No caring about it.
"What?"
Na Hwajin snapped.
"Go ahead."
Hwajin frowned
"Hit me."
There were silence before a small and quiet laughed escape Na Hwajin's mouth , it was a terrible and bitter laugh. No humor.
"Isn't that what you're good at?"
The words stuck , Baekjeong looked away. He was really hitting it. Hwajin got angry when he looked away because , he wasn't fighting back , he wasn't defending him. Instead , he just got away with it , he looked tired and Na Hwajin hated it.
He was also tired , tired of everything. His mind kept going back and forth , the one where Baekjeong made his coffee , his clothes , buying him things , spoiling him.
He wanted to hate him and tried but in the end , he couldn't. He can't hate him.
"Answer me!"
"What do you want me to say!?"
"The truth!"
"I gave you the truth!"
Baekjeong snapped.
"No!"
Hwajin's voice broke.
"You didn't give me the truth , you gave me blood and lies!"
His chest weaved.
"I treated your fucking wounds."
"I know."
Baekjeong looked down.
"I worried about you!"
"I know."
"I sat beside you when you were in pain!"
"I know."
"I thought you were a fucking coach!"
"I know! I get it!"
The shout silenced the room
"Do you?"
Hwajin whispered , feeling like he has no voice at all now. Baekjeong froze. Hie breathing got uneven.
"I know, alright?"
"Then , why?"
Somehow , Hwajin got more angrier , more furious.
Baekjeong shook his head.
"No."
"What?"
"No."
"No what?"
"Just , no."
His voice lowered.
"I'm not talking about it."
Unbelievable , Hwajin pursed his lips
"Of course,"
His voice , unserious as it was , Baekjeong caught it
"I'm serious."
"Because you're scared?"
Baekjeong's eyes darkened
"Drop it."
"No."
"Drop it."
"No."
"I'm not repeating myself again , drop it."
His voice was firm and steady , almost as an order. Na Hwajin heard it , too well that he almost lost himself again , he wanted to scream , yell and scold him but he was so tired.
His shoulders trembled.
"I don't know who you are anymore."
The words shattered the room.
Baekjeong froze , suddenly it felt cold , the voice was so small , the words were so little yet it made a big impact.
"I just don't-"
His voice cracked , his eyes blurry , he doesn't really like crying.
"I don't know who you're now."
His voice grew quieter
And that hurts more than the slap or the push
Both of them were tired , too tired to argue or yell
Na Hwajin was tired
He wiped his face with the back of his hand
"I hate you."
It was almost a whisper
Baekjeong closed his eyes
"I know."
He accepted it.
"I hate what you've done."
"I know."
"And I hate myself for still loving you."
Baekjeong's breath hitched.
He didn't sat much , he knows if he talks , Hwajin will broke down completely
He saw how tired the younger man was , how he needed sleep , he needed to eat something or at least drink something so instead of pushing the conversation further , Baekjeong sat on the couch , the blood still running down his cheek , he couldn't even care for it at this moment.
He couldn't continue the conversation.
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
The apartment felt smaller when they stopped talking , not because anything has changed but because nothing has been resolved.
Baekjeong sat on the couch longer than usual that night , his head still throbbing , it felt like the worse nightmare ever.
The headache was there , it was persistent because it still hasn't left.
Na Hwajin was at the kitchen counter , quiet , he wasn't that angry but also not soft , the conversation wasn't over and they both knows it , their presence was still there , each other so they know their talk should go on.
Hwajin finally spoke up first
"You're avoiding me again."
His voice sharp , Baekjeong didn't look up
"..No."
Hwajin gave a short breath,
"That's not an answer."
"It is."
The silence came back,
Then Hwajin turned slightly.
"You didn't explained what happened."
Baekjeong clicked his tongue.
"I don't need to."
"You do if I'm asking."
Baekjeong's shifted slightly,
"..you always ask too much."
Hwajin paused at the words but slowly , he answered back
"And you never answer enough."
The air shifted in the room , Baekjeong was of course , not expecting such a cold answer coming from him. The room was suddenly cold , the silence lingered around.
Na Hwajin walked closer but stopped at a few steps away.
"You don't trust me enough to talk"
Baekjeong finally looked up to him , the words landed differently.
"..It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
The silence returned , Baekjeong's jaw tightened slightly , for a moment , he wanted to break something inside him but instead, he didn't.
"I dont need to talk about it"
The voice was rough , Hwajin frowned.
"You're bleeding and pretending it doesn't hurt or mattered."
"It doesn't."
"It does."
His eye narrowed.
"Why do you care so much?"
The question changed the room but Hwajin stared at him
"Because it's you."
Baekjeong looked away after that answer , that was the first crack. Hwajin noticed it immediately. He softened slightly , not pushing or so.
"You don't have to tell me everything,"
Baekjeong , still silent as ever.
"But don't shut me out."
Those words sat longer than the others , Baekjeong exhaled slowly.
"I'm not..shutting you out."
The answer was hesitated , Hawjin noticed but didn't believe any of his bullshit.
"What happened?"
He asked , Baekjeong knew to what he was asking for and it was the past , his past.
He stiffened , instantly but not obvious.
But as always , Hwajin noticed. The way his fingers stopped moving , the way his shoulders went slightly still.
"Nothing."
"That's not true."
"It is."
Na Hwajin stepped closer. Again.
"People don't become like you from 'nothing',"
Baekjeong looked at him , clenching his fists.
"Stop."
But he didn't stop there , no.
"You flinch when someone gets too close,"
Baekjeong clicked his tongue
"I said stop."
"You don't sleep properly."
"Enough."
"You don't ralk about anything that hurts you."
Baekjeong stood up slightly
The tension hanged high
"I said enough."
Hwajin wasn't scared of him , no , he was steady and sharp.
The silence returned back , none of them talked or argued. Baekjeong looked at Hwajin who , had a sharped look , Baekjeing almost came clean , something deep buried inside. His breath shifted slightly.
He turned away , not looking at him
"..Forget it."
Na Hwajin froze.
"Baekjeong."
But he already walked past him , Hwajin's angered flared up but he kept his calm.
"It's nothing you need."
The sentence landed wrong , Hwajin stood still , watching and waiting but Baekjeong didn't turned back , didn't explain , didn't softened it.
He thinks staying turned from Hwajin's face was better , to not see that sharp and steady face.
Hwajin exhaled slowly , long and tired.
"..Fine."
Baekjeong didn't react.
"Fine."
He repeated the words , he was feeling heavy , there were silence
...
Na Hwajin grabbed his coat and suddenly , Baekjeong looked back.
"Where are you going."
It wasn't really a question , he wanted to know because he knows how careless Hwajin was.
He paused at the door
"..Out."
He frowned.
"Right now?"
"Since you don't don't want to talk , I won't stay for silence."
Baekjeong stayed silent , watching the door closed , he let out a deep sigh.
__________
The apartment was empty , feeling cold. There were no warmth.
Baekjeong sat down , his head was still throbbing.
He didn't curse or move , he just stared at the wall.
"..Idiot"
He muttered quietly
That night , Hwajin didn't come home , Baekjeong at first , thought it was just like that because after all , Hwajin can protect himself , he's pretty strong but then he noticed that , at midnight he wasn't home , then 1 , 2 and 3 am hit , he still hasn't come home , he was in the bedroom , trying to find the sleep even though he knows he won't be able to. He took a walk around the house.
He didn't see Hwajin , no sight of him anywhere. He sat on the couch and waited and waited , till it was afternoon
His patience wear thin
He looked at the phone , no messages or calls.
He checked again but still nothing.
He told himself that it was normal , work , cases , students and teachers.
The apartment was so quiet , it made him feel uneasy. He took his phone and called him but no answer. He tried for three time , still no answer. He sent 2 messages but still , no reply.
"..Tch."
The quietness lingers longer around the air , Baekjeong wasn't annoyed , he was just waiting and..waiting again.
Missing him.
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
The truth was , he didn't want to go. He didn't expect himself to even leave the apartment , just when the clock his 6 pm , he grabbed his coat and left.
It was enough.
He missed Hwajin.
He missed him.
His lips.
His embrace.
His goodnight kisses.
The smell of coffee when he wakes up.
The books laying on the table , forgetting about it.
His stupid smile
And his warmth.
He missed them. A lot.
The ride to his office felt longer than usual. He parked his car and entered the building. His headache throbbed again.
He ignored it.
He entered inside , the receptionist looked up nervously at him.
"How can I-"
"I need Na Hwajin."
"Inspector Hwajin?"
He nodded at her , to be honest , the way Baekjeong entered the room , she was nervous because he walked like a leader. Holding power.
"Do you have an appointment?"
"..Name?"
He looked at her
"Baekjeong."
Surprisingly , the receptionist looked a bit taken back , her expression changed.
"Right this way , sir."
She led the way and he followed.
His whole body hurt. Having a headache and shits but all he could think of was-
'Come home'
The office door opened.
And there he was,
Na Hwajin standing at the desk in the middle , sleeves rolled up , files spread everywhere on the table.
A band-aid on his cheek and another one wrapped around his arm. He looks exhausted.
Hwajin looked up and froze.
"What are you doing here?"
Baekjeong didn't answer immediately , his face weren't on his face but on the bandage instead , the injury underneath it. The were a faint stain of blood at the edge of the bandage.
"You didn't come home."
He frowned.
"I'm busy."
"Since yesterday night? For the whole day?"
"Baekjeong-"
"Since yesterday night."
He said again , much more shaper now.
Hwajin let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes , exhausted.
"There was a case."
Baekjeong could see how tired he was , he could see he hasn't sleep since yesterday.
"You didn't answer my calls."
"I know."
"You didn't text."
"I know."
"You didn't come home."
"I know."
His voice softened.
Baekjeong stepped closer. Not aggressive or so , just steady.
"You're injured."
"It's fine."
"It's not."
Hwajin shut the files and assemble them together.
"I don't have time for this."
Baekjeong didn't react immediately.
"Who."
Hwajin sensed the pressure , Baekjeong stared at him for longer
"Just some students problem."
"How."
Hwajin let out a sigh
"I was dealing with him but he had a knife , I disarmed him but in the end , he cut me"
"And?"
"And nothing. The police came just in time."
Baekjeong clicked his tongue
"Idiot."
"Learned from the best."
Hwajin snorted but then frowned
"You looked awful."
"So do you."
"You look worse than me, did you sleep?"
"No."
"When?"
"Didn't."
Hwajin stared.
"What?"
"Didn't."
He repeated the same words.
"Baekjeong.."
"You didn't come home, I waited for you."
And suddenly , Hwajin felt hurt , his anger went away , it was replaced with pain. He didn't noticed it but now he did , Baekjeong look tired too.
Dark circles underneath his eyes , messy hair and he looked lost.
"I was busy, Baekjeong."
He said before turning to the locker.
He saw Hwajin moved , taking the files with him , he opened the locker and put them inside
"I'll finish this later and-"
Baekjeong moved , his hand hit the locker , nor hard to but just loud.
Hwajin stopped and slowly turned.
There were no anger when Baekjeong came closer to him , just tension.
It was heavy.
Hwajin swallowed , Because Baekjeong stood close.
The air tightened around them , it wasn't soft or romantic.
Baekjeong stood close , Hwajin didn't feel uncomfortable but it's been a while since he felt his warmth.
"What are you doing."
Baekjeong didn't answer right away , his eyes being on Hwajin , not angry or cold , just exhausted at a point that he never let anyone sees him like this.
"...You didn't come home."
"I told yo-"
"You didn't come home."
Hwajin exhaled.
"I'm busy."
Baekjeong stepped closer , now there was no space left to pretend.
Hwajin could smell him , he coukd feel him. Headache medicine , old blood , metal , his cologne and something else too.
Need.
Baekjeong's voice dropped.
"You're sweating."
Hwajin blinked.
"What?"
He didn't answered him.
He just looked at him. Long enough that Hwajin stopped talking. The silence lingered around.
There was something heavier on the air , Hwajin should've moved but he didn't. Baekjeong shifted his other hand , grabbing his waist. His other hand rested on thr locker.
Hwajin felt the grab , his breath got caught slightly , he was surprised by the touch. He hasn't felt his touch in days and he admitted that , he truly missed his touch.
"...Baekjeong"
"Hwajin..come home."
His voice had softened and so did his face towards the man he loves. Hwajin let out a short laugh.
"I am home"
Baekjeong looked at him like he said the wrong thing.
"No."
Hwajin exhaled slowly.
"Let go"
But he didn't.
"...no"
Hwajin's voice dropped.
"Baekjeong."
But nothing came , Baekjeong didn't answer him , instead , he leaned in slightly. Not forcing , just closing the distance between them.
It was familiar , close.
Hwajin's eyes briefly flickered to Baekjeong's mouth.
And everything changed after that , because Baekjeong noticed. He noticed it immediately.
Hwajin realised it. Silence snapped tighter.
None of them moved. None of them talked.
But suddenly-
Baekjeong leaned in and kissed him.
It wasn't slowly or careful, just sudden. Like something that had been held too long finally broke.
Hwajin froze , his hands lifting instinctively to push him-
"Baekjeong , wai-"
He didn't push him away fully , no , not really.
And that was because his body didn't matched his anger. He run his mouth around , too stubborn but his body doesn't.
Baekjeong didn't stopped , instead , he pushed further , the kissed was long , Baekjeong had pushed his tongue inside Hwajin's mouth. Baekjeong's grip on his waist tightened suddenly , bringing him closer , their body almost collided.
Hwajin's face for once , was a little pink , feeling his tongue , he was captivated by it. His hand rested on Baekjeong's chest.
Baekjeong exhaled sharply against his lips.
Frustration , shock , relief and something unspoken.
"You're..impossible.."
Hwajin muttered , he was almost drooling by how much breath he needed.
Hwajin was breathing hard , catching them , Baekjeong let him. His hand still rested on his waist , grabbing but much lighter now.
None of them moved for a moment but Baekjeong's eyes landed on the sweat on Hwajin , his eyes moved to his neck. He , at first didn't noticed it but catching his breath was his first priority but then he noticed Baekjeong staring at him , only to know it was his neck that he was staring at.
His pale neck , his collarbone showing. Pinkish.
Baekjeong lowered his head and buried his face against the side if his neck , Hwajin frowned for a moment.
"You're not thinking straight."
Baekjeong answered immediately.
"No."
Hwajin groaned when Baekjeong bite his neck , the tension was still high , Baekjeong didn't stopped at once but he's determined to make some hickeys , he wants the world to know that , Hwajin was taken. Taken by a strong man.
"Baekjeong-"
His hand still on his waist , Baekjeong stopped , looking up , he met the eyes of Hwajin , breathing uncontrollably , uneven.
"...you can't do that here.."
Hwajin whispered , still catching his breath.
"Then come home."
In all honesty , Hwajin has missing him , his cologne , his hugged , his fingers , his hand staying at his waist , his lips and his..hickeys.
"Oh my god!"
Both of them froze instantly.
Hwajin jerked back whole Baekjeong , turned to see who it was.
I'm Han-rim stood in the doorway , hands over her mouth , eyes sparkling, and then she squealed.
"I'm sorry sir!"
Na Hwajin's soul left his body , right now , just right now , he wished he wasn't here , he just wish for someone to kill him right now.
"I didn't see anything sir! I swear!"
She still talks loud , also being excited.
"Im Han-rim."
"You guys are so fucking cute!"
"Im Han-rim."
"I'm leaving!"
And she disappeared. Just like that. They could hear the running steps fainting in the hallway. Hwajin covered his face with his hand.
"God , I'm fucking resigning."
Baekjeong snorted.
"Coward."
"Shut up."
"She likes you."
"She's annoying"
"Yet you were the one who saved her."
"And If I knew she would be this annoying while working with me , I wouldn't have saved her."
"You bought her lunch last week."
Silence
"Fuck , how do you even know everything I do?"
Baekjeong smiled faintly.
It was small but visible and truly , Hwajin has missed that.
He pushed him away , not hard or so but gently just so he could resume with his work.
"I have work-"
"No."
"Baekjeong , I'm serious."
"So am I."
Hwajin exhaled a deep sigh.
"Baek-"
"Come home,"
Hwajin stared at him , the soft voice , the way he just spoke , he wasn't begging but he could feel the concern.
"Please."
Baekjeong added. Hwajin saw how tired he was , at how , the slight wince he made when he moved his head , at the headache he was pretending to not have. Hwajin gave in.
"..Fine"
Baekjeong blinked.
"Fine?"
"Fine."
"Really?"
"Don't make me regret it."
"Hm."
"How bossy and annoying."
Hwajin smiled , because he has missed this , missed him ans all of this. The small jokes , his breathing.
Baekjeong tried to go for a kiss again but Hwajin put his hand up , stopping him.
"Don't make a habit of kissing me at work."
Baekjeong stared
"No promises."
Hwajin looked back at him
"That's not-no it's- how- nevermind"
Baekjeong scoffed under his breath , amused a little.
___________
The car ride was quiet at first , none of them talked.
Baekjeong knew it was coming. He didn't stop him.
Hwajin broke the silence,
"We still..haven't talked about it."
Baekjeong said nothing , Hwajin turned his head and looked at him , he had his eyes fixed on the road.
"You don't have to tell me everything..Just don't shut me o-"
"I have never and will never shut you out."
Baekjeong cut him off , because shutting him out means losing him , losing Hwajin means , nothing left in this world for him. Hwajin was the life he had , he was his soul , his remedy , his everything.
"Then-"
Baekjeong let out a sigh through his nose , Hwajin heard it , he didn't know if he should bring it up.
"We..will talk about it at home."
For a moment , Hwajin stared at him
"You promise?"
Baekjeong smiled faintly , almost unnoticeable.
"Promise."
Hwajin felt relieved.
____ᓚᘏᗢ____
The got back to the apartment , Baekjeong thew the keys on the table and sat down , his head still throbbing , Hwajin put down his bag.
"You said-"
"You really won't drop it."
Hwajin frowned.
"Baekjeong, you said-"
Baekjeong snorted
"I know , I know."
Hwajin , still standing up folded his arms.
It took a few minutes before Baekjeonf spoke and Hwajin let him , sometimes , taking times is good.
"War..doesn't really leave people."
Hwajin slowly watched him , his expression hardened
"I learned..if you hesitate, you lose. If you feel too much, you lose."
Hwajin listened carefully.
"My mother..no , My father was an addict and one time , he beat up my mother till she died, I left the house and learned to live in the streets..Through violence."
Hwajin shifted slightly , feeling his discomfort but he didn't interrupt him.
"Like I said , if you hesitate , you lose. So I stopped hesitating because I didn't like losing."
The silence shifted , Baekjeong , still holding himself properly.
"And?"
"And I don't know how to stop myself."
Baekjeongs jaw tighten , suddenly feeling heavy. He stood up and reached for a bottle of water.
"You know, I was the one who buried my mom. I didn't habe anyone to help me."
Hwajin felt-
He felt different things at the same time.
"After that , I joined the special forces. But after leaving , I didnt know what to do with myself. So I built my own legacy. Because violence was my..way of comfort."
And the word comfort made Hwajin stared at him. He frowned. He can't imagine the fear he felt to find comfort in violence.
"And then you happened. You came out out of nowhere. The apartment happened. You being there for me happened. Looking out for me."
Baekjeong put down his water , looking down.
"And somewhere..I got used it to."
Silence.
"You. The apartment , the smell of coffee , morning or night , your books being everywhere , files or documents and the..arguments."
His voice became quieter.
"And I hated that."
Hwajin raised an eyebrow.
"Hated me?"
"No"
Hwajin stepped closer to him.
"The feeling. I hated waiting , hated worrying , hated when you came home late , hated that I had to sleep alone sometimes."
Hwajin stayed silent.
"And when you left yesterday.."
Hwajin froze.
"I hated myself."
He blinked and stared at him.
"I thought that.."
Baekjeong looked away so that Hwajin couldn't see his face.
"Thought what?"
"No. Nevermind."
He clicked his tongue.
"No what?"
"Nothing."
Hwajin had a desperate look om his face as well as annoyed. But it wasn't the annoyance but his presence.
"Baekjeong."
Na Hwajin moved forward and closer , he grabbed his wrist.
"Hey."
Both of them were silent for a while , Hwajin kept his hold on Baekjeong's wrist.
But then , finally he spoke.
"I thought you'd leave."
Hwajin froze instantly. His breathing uneven.
"I wouldn't blame you."
Silence.
"You should've."
Another silence.
"But I still waited."
His voice lowered.
"Which annoyed me."
Hwajin smiled softly.
"Idiot."
"Hm."
"And now?"
Baekjeong looked up and blinked.
"What?"
"The league."
There were a long and heavy silence , Baekjeong's mind drifted apart while Hwajin , watched him. He moved his hand , letting go of his wrist , he took a hold of his hand instead which brought Baekjeong back from this thoughts.
"I don't know."
Hwajin said nothing much from it,
"I'm tired."
"Hm."
Baekjeong let out a sigh. Loud and heavy.
"I built it. I fought for it. I bled for it."
Na Hwajin nodded at his answer.
"And I hate the thought of leaving."
There was another silence,
"But.."
Baekjeong looked at his hand , the one holding him.
"Everytime I look at it now..I'm tired"
Hwajin didn't interrupt , didn't pressure , didn't talk or ask but instead , he listened , very carefully.
"You know.."
Hwajin spoke up this time.
"Hm?"
"You don't have to decide tonight."
Baekjeong looked up to his face.
"You don't have to decide tomorrow."
There was silence , Hwajin squeezed his hand.
"But whatever you choose, I'm beside you."
And he smiled , it was a soft one. Baekjeong watched him , something moved inside his chest , feeling the pain and so.
"Not in front of behind , but beside you"
Baekjeong stared at him.
Hwajin has always been like this.
Not controlling , not leading , not forcing , not pressuring. Judt staying.
It was terrifying as the same as comforting.
"But if you keep leaving your socks on the floor , I'm leaving."
Baekjeong blinked.
"What?"
"I'm serious."
"You threatening me with socks now?"
"Absolutely."
"Hm, violent."
"Learned from the best."
Hwajin gave him a small winked , Baekjeong snorted softly.
Those were some small moments but warm. Baekjeong stepped closer while hwajin watched him.
Baekjeong reached for him.
His hand slid behind Hwajin's back , resting against his waist before gently pulling him closer.
Hwajin stumbled half a step forward , surprised , until his hands instinctively came up , pressing lightly against his chest.
Through the thin fabric of Baekjeong's , he could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing. Warm and familiar.
For a moment , none of them moved. They stayed like this for a while , Hwajin missed the warmth. Baekjeong missed him.
"...stay here"
Baekjeong said.
Hwajin closed his eyes , a smile tugging at his lips.
"Bossy."
"Hm."
"And annoying."
Baekjeong chuckled at that.
"You're one to talk."
None of them bothered to move. Through the violence , the blood and lies, they had learned some things.
"You don't have to stand alone , Baekjeong."
Hwajin whispered , resting his face in his chest.
"Hm. I'll do as you say."
And with that , Baekjeong leaned in and gave him a kiss on his forehead.
Both still learning.
Lies and blood.
Pain and warmth.
Still trying.