Chapter Text
Kaveh doesn’t deserve anything. It doesn’t matter how much beauty he puts into the world. He has been and always will be a disgusting pervert.
No normal person would be into the things he’s into. No normal person would seek out these erotic books filled with lewd scenes beyond his wildest dreams. No normal person needs to masturbate in the bathroom of their client’s home just because he couldn’t hold it in anymore! And, to top it all off, his client caught him in the act and berated him into next week!
It was the most mortifying experience of his life. And yet, in every private moment he has to himself, he reimagines being screamed at, insulted, and smacked around. The memory filed away in the wrong area of his brain to a place where the fantasies that should never be spoken of reside, and every time he remembers it makes him so sickenly aroused.
He finds himself seeking out clients, men, that would make him feel like dirt. So many wealthy men in Sumeru seem to get off on belittling their contracted help. An architect fits that bill, a perfect canvas to order around and insult with every revision made.
It began to perpetuate a cycle, but the clients do nothing to satisfy his itch, they only make him more horny! Despite that, Kaveh is too chicken-shit to ever ask anyone out. The thought of real intimacy is too terrifying an endeavor! And now that he’s moved in with Alhaitham, his sense of privacy is completely wiped! The walls are thin, Alhaitham would know, he’s home too much!
He’s already freaked out by the idea of masturbating inside the house. But Kaveh’s made his life into this living hell, even the most innocuous interaction with a man (especially those that walk around town in skin tight black!) makes him so horny he can’t even think straight! It wasn’t like this before he began to live as a man. Increased libido was a passing mention of one of the side effects of his hormones. He never thought it would be this strong. He can’t go more than a few hours without the urge to touch himself. Well… At least, that was the case.
He thought he found the solution! A simple contraption of metal and leather fixed around his waist: a chastity belt, to hide away the temptation, to hide away the last part of himself that feels wrong, sold to him by none other than Dori. He wasn’t initially going to buy it– it was too expensive!– but Dori talked him into it, cutting him a deal, letting him rent just the belt with a guarantee to have a chance at buying (not renting!) the key later, only to find out after it’s been locked onto his body that she marks up the price by 5000% when they’re sold as individual items and not as a set!
He’d have to work tirelessly for two years to afford that key after factoring in how much his wages are already garnished to his pre-existing debt with her, even longer now that he has to pay the sky-high rent she charges for the belt! Archons, he just hopes she doesn’t ever misplace that key before then. It’s already been months since it was locked onto his waist. And, starting next month he has to start paying Alhaitham rent too!
With a heavy thud, Kaveh drops a hamper of clean laundry in Alhaitham room. Without a second thought, he starts to fold and put away the clothes simply because he doesn’t like to leave a task unfinished. It’s definitely not because he feels guilty that Alhaitham is charging him rent way under the market price! He’s just a neat freak, but only when it comes to other peoples’ messes. Don’t question it,
Absent-mindedly, he opens each drawer to Alhaitham’s dresser, taking stock of what goes where. Undershirts, pajamas, underwear, pants, sex toys…
“…What?” Kaveh stares at the silicone cocks neatly arranged in the drawer alongside a box of condoms and lube. He doesn’t know why he finds it so surprising that Alhaitham has his own sexual urges, but… Alhaitham is a man. A cis man. Kaveh doesn’t even know if he’s gay, straight, or what! That’s part of the whole problem, how could he ever wish to approach the subject of asking Alhaitham out if he doesn’t even know what kind of person Alhaitham is interested in?
Either way Kaveh thought about it before felt like a lose-lose situation. If Alhaitham is straight then Kaveh is a man and he wouldn’t be interested. If Alhaitham is gay then would he even be interested in Kaveh with the parts that he has? Apparently, bisexuality was too complicated a concept to even consider.
Curiously, Kaveh assumed whichever way Alhaitham bent he would be a top, and yet, a drawer full of anal toys is staring him dead in the face. If he had been born a man, would he have wanted this? To top Alhaitham? He doesn’t know and the uncertainty stings.
It feels like part of his soul is missing. How come his entire life has to be such a walking disaster just because of the configuration of his genitals?
Look how easy it must be for Alhaitham! He must have it all figured out because it makes sense for him to have a cock! And a prostate!
Ugh! In this belt, anal would be his only option, but Kaveh is reluctant to try. What would be the point if there’s nothing in there to make him feel good? Would it even be satisfying?
From the doorway to his own bedroom, Alhaitham clears his throat, catching Kaveh red-handed staring into his drawer full of toys.
“Haven’t you ever heard of privacy?” He quirks a judgmental eyebrow at Kaveh.
“Have you been using these while I’ve been home!?” His entire face is red, but the embarrassment only leaves his mouth in anger, “You shouldn’t have these things! It’s not right! I shouldn’t have to live like this!” He shrieks, pointing a slender finger at Alhaitham accusatorily.
Alhaitham’s only response is a look of bewilderment and confusion.
“It’s not my fault! I was only putting away your laundry!” Kaveh dumps the basket on the floor, storming out of the room.
This is too much! He needs a drink, or several. The front door loudly slams shut behind him as he makes his way to Lambad’s.
“Kaveh.” A stern voice wakes him up. His skin stings as he peels off of the sticky vinyl booth seat.
“Mmh.” He can’t even open his eyes, gripping the table for dear life. The room is spinning and the contents of his stomach threaten to evacuate at a moment’s notice.
“Kaveh.” The voice is upset with him and the guilt wrings his stomach into knots. He tries to sob but instead a torrent of red wine and chewed crackers find their way out instead. He doesn’t even recoil or react. It’s in his lap and all over the table, coating his hand, his glove, he’s soaked in it. “Shit.”
Footsteps leave and an eye cracks open, through his tear-soaked lashes, horrified grimaces stare in his direction. He's nothing but a perverted drunkard sitting in his own vomit.
Even this is arousing, to be utterly humiliated in front of everyone, his swollen clit throbs tucked away in his lower lips. Shameful. Drunkard. Pervert. Freak.
Footsteps return and a towel is pressed against his front, soaking up his shame. It’s a protective shroud to keep away the prying eyes as he stumbles out of the tavern into pouring rain guided by hands unseen. He can’t look. He never wanted Alhaitham to see him like this. He’s been so good. But seeing all those toys in his room set him so far back.
“How could Alhaitham have more sex than me?!” The nonsense barely makes it past his lips as he cloth sandals slip against the rain-soaked cobblestone. Even before his involuntary dip into chastity, he could never work up the courage to actually commit to doing the deed with anyone. Alhaitham is probably so normal, as vanilla as they come, there’s no way he would ever be interested in any of the cursed thoughts that plague Kaveh’s mind like a suffocating miasma.
He’s wanted to lose his virginity for so long. The longer he went without doing so the hornier he got. But he couldn’t stomach the fact that he would only be seen as a hole to be fucked.
“It wasn’t my choice!” He cries without context. A cock would be so much more preferable to the mess between his legs. Keys jingle into the lock, a doorway into dry warmth opens, and Kaveh collapses in the entryway, curled into a fetal position as he struggles to breath through hyperventilating sobs.
“Kaveh…” The soft click of the door shutting behind him punctuates his sentence as Kaveh rolls onto his back, overhead light casting Alhaitham’s face in obfuscating shadows, towel discarded on the floor. His sopping wet clothes cling uncomfortably to his bony frame and Alhaitham’s lone uncovered eye is locked into the outline of the metal bars gripping his waist.
He knows, Kaveh flushes, a pang of arousal striking him with every moment inching closer to Alhaitham realizing just how perverted Kaveh truly is. He’s going to put it all together, the belt, the books hidden in his room, the weird comments he made about Alhaitham’s… toys.
Shamelessly, Kaveh grabs Alhaitham’s ankle, his wet boots removed and placed aside, and presses against the smooth metal covering his groin beneath his pants. The increased pressure of his engorged t-dick compressed under this infuriating, unyielding belt is enough to make his hips buck involuntarily.
This is the closest he’ll ever get to being fucked by Alhaitham. He shamelessly rocks into the smooth arch of Alhaitham’s foot. It’s probably the last night he’ll get to stay in Alhaitham’s house. Why would anyone want to live with someone as disgusting as him? A dirty pervert getting off to the pressure of a foot.
He’ll regret this in the morning, violating Alhaitham like this; what gives him the right to be so sexy all the damn time? It’s his fault! He’s frozen still staring down at Kaveh in shock and confusion, his Adam's apple bobbing with a thick gulp, eyes swallowed up by his pupils blown wide like an eclipse. Gods, he’s so stupidly handsome!
“What are you doing?” Alhaitham asks, breathless, held in suspense. He doesn’t dare move.
“I… I fantasize about–” drunken thoughts jumbled up in his brain grind together like a collapsing building, so close to voicing his needs, but he can’t! He can’t! “I want–” He cuts himself off with a scream, the last threads of shame sewing his mouth shut, “Fuck!”
He kicks away Alhaitham’s foot, turning to his side to fold himself up in shame, loud sobs echoing throughout their house with enough energy to carve his soul into the walls. The bang of his heart hurts his head, the rush of blood in his ears screams like a boiling kettle. The walls spin, he’s in a death spiral and there’s no escape from this hell he’s forged.
“Shhh.” Fabric shifts as Alhaitham sits beside him with a sigh. He takes Kaveh’s hand and slowly rubs thumb over the backside as he brushes damp hair out of Kaveh’s reddened face. “What’s got you so worked up?”
“I’m dis-sgusting. I’m-m b-broken,” Kaveh blubbers pathetically, and a moment is left for him to breathe.
“Well, you do need a bath.” Alhaitham is as infuriatingly obtuse as ever.
“No! You–!”
“Relax,” Alhaitham pats the back of Kaveh’s hand with a quiet hum, “It’s about sex I’ve gathered.”
Kaveh scoffs, taking a deep, still shuddering, breath before he speaks once more, “Have you ever been so horny that you literally couldn’t think about anything else?” His voice is raw and ragged, it hurts to speak.
He shrugs, “Maybe a few times? Definitely when I was younger.”
“Well. That’s me. Every day.” A huff of air pushes a strand of mostly dry hair off his nose, “I thought if I removed that as an option that it would go away.”
“I see,” He glances down at Kaveh’s groin, “I don’t think it works that way.”
“Yeah. I know that now.” Slowly, Kaveh peels himself off the floor, rubbing the shoulder that he fell onto. That’s gonna be bruised when he wakes up tomorrow.
“Then why not take it off?”
“Ugh!” Kaveh smacks the wooden floor. “You don’t think I would have done that if I could!? Dori sold it to me without the key. She priced them individually.”
“Then cut it off; you have plenty of power tools.” He tilts his head to the side, that stubborn tuft of hair atop his head falling with gravity.
“I can’t!” It’s too embarrassing to admit he doesn’t actually own the belt! “Just trust me. I can’t.”
“So you need to find a way to have sex without taking that off?” He asks as if that isn’t completely fucking obvious.
“Mmmh!” Kaveh growls, covering his face in his hands, cheeks burning red hot in his drunken shame, “I need more than sex!” He shouts through gritted teeth. It’s utterly mortifying to admit to Alhaitham, but who else could he even trust?
“Hm.” Alhaitham hums in quiet contemplation. “That explains the contents of those books you hid in your bookshelf.”
“You!” Kaveh grabs Alhaitham’s wrist, pulling it towards his head. “You looked through my room!?”
With a smirk, Alhaitham bends his wrist to flirtatiously tilt Kaveh’s chin upward to meet his eyes, “I guess that makes us even.”
Grumbling, Kaveh bats Alhaitham away, lifting himself off the floor, “I’m going to take a bath.”
“Any books you would like me to reference while you’re in there?”
“What?!” Kaveh stares at Alhaitham with his mouth agape. “Are you propositioning me?” His voice comes out a little giddy at the thought!
“You told me what you needed. I assumed that meant you would like me to help you with that,” Alhaitham shrugs.
“Oh!” Kaveh’s mind reels. Alhaitham… wants… to…. !? “I-I-I don’t know. Pick your favorite of the ones you’ve read then.”
Alhaitham sighs, “Kaveh, it doesn’t work like that. You have to pick. We’ll talk more later when you’re sober–”
“Puh-lease, I’m plenty sober!” Kaveh shrugs, stumbling over into the bathroom, “Surprise me.” And swiftly closes the door behind him. The tap turning on drowns out any remaining comments from Alhaitham, and, for the first time in months, Kaveh smiles.