Work Text:
Whatsapp chat with: Cens SAPs 🐎🏒
Harris (Barrett) added Shane (Roz)
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
Welcome to the WAG chat, Shane!
Whatsapp chat with: Cens Boys 🐎
Sent Message: I have been BETRAYED!!
by my own team!
by my own WAGs!
by my own husband!
Received Message from:Hollzy
Ilya, we're not even married.
Sent Message: BETRAYAL!
shane has been added to WAG chat!
shane is not WAG
*I* am WAG
I was *born* to be WAG
Received Message from:Hollzy
Okay. You can be my WAG, because I am the better hockey player.
Sent Message: no.
Received Message from:Barrett
harris says there was a vote. they picked shane.
Sent Message: do you know how hard i worked to lock down The Shane Hollander™??
i toiled for YEARS to achieve my dream Trophy WAG Life, and you rip it away from me like it means nothing to you?!?!
Bood changed Cap Roz to Trophy WAG
It's been a rough day all around, but especially for Ilya's kotik. Their first game against Montreal is tomorrow, at home, followed by a gruelling roadie across the north of the US - Boston, Buffalo, and Detroit. Four games in five days, two of them against their own former teams.
They'd both been looking forward to going home and ignoring everything in the world except each other for the next twelve hours, before getting to the rink at eight am tomorrow morning for practice. Ilya had been looking forward to using the time to take Shane out of his head for a little while, to stave off the impending breakdown. But then Twitter exploded. Or, more accurately, Drew dropped a grenade.
So now, Ilya and Shane are in the Mercedes making their way out to Montebello; Ilya is driving, while Shane is curled up on the heated passenger seat, wrapped in one of Ilya's hoodies, the strings in his mouth. As they drive, Ilya reaches one hand over to rest on the other man's thigh.
"You remember what I said, kotik?"
Shane nods, his eyes staring blankly out of the windscreen at the bleak, autumnal landscape. Words are hard for his boyfriend when he's feeling this overwhelmed. Ilya wouldn't take him anywhere else, not even to Yuna and David's, but the girls know him well enough to let him be. Ideally, they'd not be going anywhere at all, but they both know the girls will need the support tonight.
"Can we go through it one last time before we get there?" he prompts.
"Don't have to talk. Don't have to think. Don't have to mask. Don't have to try new food. Do have to eat safe food. Do have to stay near you. Do have to let you know if I'm uncomfortable or want to leave."
Ilya gives Shane's thigh a squeeze. "Good job. I know you're feeling overwhelmed, so just let me look after things tonight, okey? Your presence is enough. I will do everything else. The girls will understand." It's taken time for Shane to trust him this much, but he cherishes the weight of this responsibility. He won't give his boyfriend any reason to doubt him.
When they pull up outside the riverside mansion, there are already three cars lined up in the garage. Good. Everyone is home.
He wraps his arm around Shane, guiding him out of the car and through the garage to the side door. They slide off their shoes in the spotless mudroom, Ilya leading them both towards where he can hear voices.
"What are you thinking, sladkiy mishka?" Sveta's voice reaches him first.
"Double dates. Attending events together. Vacations, even. If all of us are seen together, even if we split off into 'boys' and 'girls' sometimes, no one will see two queer relationships..." Drew, this time, and Ilya understands almost instantly what she's referring to because he's been turning over similar ideas in his head.
"...they'll see two straight ones." Sveta, correct as always.
"Even though there are five of us?" The last of the three voices reaches them as they round the corner into the enormous kitchen, where the girls are gathered, sipping tea.
"Yes. People are very stupid," Ilya says, in lieu of a greeting.
Despite knowing him nearly her whole life, Sveta is the only one who seems surprised by his appearance.
He lets go of Shane so he can greet Rose, while he immediately checks the fridge for Shane food. He's sure there should be some left from the last batch of meals he dropped off.
Hearing Shane force out a polite explanation freezes him in his tracks, giving Sveta an opening to reach over and smack the hand reaching into the fridge. "Nyet. You crash my house uninvited, you eat what we eat, when we eat it."
Ilya bristles instinctively, but before he can say anything, Rose turns to Shane, smiling. "Not you, babe. Just your chaotic other half. We have Shane approved food for you."
The tension drains out of him. Crisis averted. Ilya sticks his tongue out at Sveta, before nabbing a Coke and a ginger ale from the fridge. He carefully opens the latter and passes it to his boyfriend, who leans into him gratefully and takes a sip of the cold drink. Rose pours herself and Drew a glass of wine each, and offers the same to Shane and Ilya, but Ilya declines for both of them.
They leave Sveta behind in the kitchen, Rose leading the four of them into the snug, where the fire is already crackling away. Knowing how comforting Shane finds both the warmth and the sound, he drops into the cosy loveseat by the fire. Shane follows easily, curling up on Ilya's lap and nuzzling into his neck like the sweet, little kotik he is. He murmurs a soft 'good boy' into his hair while Rose and Drew settle into the couch opposite them.
"So," Rose says, lounging backwards into the pillows, "what's the plan?"
When he looks up, he meets Rose's concerned gaze. 'Is he okay?' she mouths. Ilya gives her a look back that he hopes conveys 'no, but I'm handling it'. To his relief, she nods and lets it go. It means a lot to him that Shane's best friend trusts him so implicitly.
Drew settles on the fluffy rug, leaning back on the sofa beside Rose's legs, and immediately pulls Rose's feet into her lap. The moan Rose lets out is borderline pornographic, and Ilya snorts with laughter.
She turns her attention back to him, eyebrow raised challengingly. He feels a bit like a chastised child.
He affects an air of total innocence. "Why do you think I have plan?"
Rose looks back flatly, seeing right through him, and not believing a word... Which is fair, honestly, if a bit irritating.
"Okey," he admits, grinning. "Yes, there is plan." He's only had a few hours to workshop it, but he thinks it's a plan that Shane will be proud of. He's even made a presentation and a spreadsheet. He's becoming a boring Canadian and he loves it.
Whatsapp chat with: Cens SAPs 🐎🏒
30 October 2019
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
Is everyone watching the boston game?
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
unfortunately 😬 it's not montreal bad out there but...
Received Message from:Caitlin (Dykstra)
mtl at home was rough. i fear the away games will be worse.
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You’re right. It’s going to be a bloodbath.
First away game is Dec 16th. WAG trip anyone?
Reactions: 👍5
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
did you all just see that?
is this foreplay for them??
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
That look from Roz was filthy. how did we not see this sooner?
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
if anyone was going to have a hockey fetish, it would be them, ig
Received Message from:Caitlin (Dykstra)
that's not a real thing, Sel
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
...no comment 👀
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
HARRIS??? 😂
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
all im saying is i saw things i will never unsee ON MY WORK LAPTOP
Received Message from:Caitlin (Dykstra)
wtf were you doing?
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
my job, unfortunately.
Sent Message: Uh, guys? What the hell?
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
shit i forgot he was in here 😳
Received Message from:Caitlin (Dykstra)
omg Sel 😂😂
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
Shane, can you please confirm or deny:
Is hockey foreplay?
Sent Message: Sort of?
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
tf do you mean sort of??
Sent Message: It's more...
Competence
Competition.
Confidence.
It just happens that hockey shows off all those things.
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
Oh girl, I get you. We love a man who knows what he wants and how to get it 🙌
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
true. nothing hotter than a man who knows what hes doing
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
im still gonna call it a hockey fetish
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
I have to ask. Have you ever worn his jersey in the bedroom??
Sent Message: Yes.
Received Message from:Lisa (Hazy)
Wait, who *hasn't* worn their man's jersey in the bedroom?
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
me
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
me
Received Message from:Caitlin (Dykstra)
me, wtf? people do that??
Received Message from:Lisa (Hazy)
Oh, y'all are missing out.
Next time we have a home win, be waiting at home in your guy's jersey. Trust.
Sent Message: Just make sure you're prepared. Snacks, drinks, lube, condoms, towels, clean sheets. And give yourselves a few days to recover.
Received Message from:Lisa (Hazy)
Shane Middle-Name Hollander???
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
*days* to recover????
Received Message from:Cassie (Bood)
Oh, when you said confident and competent
You meant Confident and Competent
Like a very sexy Boy Scout
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
My parents have agreed to take Milo overnight for the next home game. Let's fucking gooooooo 🥵
Received Message from:Caitlin (Dykstra)
omg sel. baby choui number two in nine months' time? 😂
Received Message from:Selena (Choui)
absolutely not. my vagina has only just recovered from milo AND he's only just started sleeping enough to let us do anything.
I need at least a couple years of getting railed by my husband while my kid sleeps through the night before I even consider another one.
Received Message from: Harris (Barrett)
...I am so glad I'm gay rn
It’s not until a few days after their dinner with the girls, laying in an uncomfortably firm hotel bed somewhere outside Buffalo, that Ilya finally brings up the conversation to Shane.
The game against Montréal had been awful, and the one against Boston just two days later had been rough - both the overall atmosphere and the teams themselves - despite Ottawa winning both. The fans blame their former Captains for "abandoning" them, and they are not shy about making it known. The fact that Ilya and Shane are now on the same team, and that team is playing really fucking well, is only making things worse. It's also been made painfully obvious that the rumors of Shane's sexuality have reached the entire Atlantic Division, if the bullshit he's overheard on the ice is any indication.
Montréal, who have given the Captaincy to fucking Comeau of all people, were predictably aggressive and bigoted. Awful, yes, but expected. For all Shane's anxiety before the game, he'd put on a near-perfect performance, scoring a hattrick despite being targeted by the Metros any time he was on the ice. Ilya owes his D-men some very expensive gifts for how hard they worked to protect him.
Boston, though, Ilya had naively held out hope for. While the team itself, now Captained by Marleau, is not as openly bigoted as Montréal or Toronto, it certainly isn't as accepting as Ottawa or New York, either. On the ice, several of the players freely used slurs disguised as chirps to get under the skin of the Cens players. Ilya can easily ignore that kind of bullshit aimed at himself, but when they started taking aim at Barrett, Luca, Shane, all bets were off, along with his gloves. His swollen, purpled right cheek is testament to that, but the other guy left the ice with a broken nose and without a few of his teeth, so it was worth it. He'd sent a pointed text to Marley from the away locker room, as the team celebrated scraping a 2-1 win.
Sent Message: Get your house in order, Marley. Your team can't use bigotry to make up for lack of skill forever.
At least Marley had the decency to reply with a genuine apology. Ilya considers Cliff to be a friend, but he won't give him any leeway on this. He knows that he's trying, at least, but Boston's AC is a Dallas Kent wannabe, and the locker room has some very loud mouths in it.
“I've ordered us some Selkies jerseys,” he says to Shane, offhandedly, while he digs his thumbs into a knot in Shane's thigh. He'd taken a fall after a nasty check tonight, and though he's insisting he's fine, as both his boyfriend and Captain, Ilya has elected to ignore him. After three rough games in a row, Ilya is ready to march his boyfriend to Terry and have him benched for the next game. Shane disagrees. As a compromise, they've skipped team drinks in favor of getting Shane an ice bath, followed by a massage.
“Drew's?” Shane asks, voice tight, muscle in his jaw ticking.
“Does it hurt?” Ilya asks back, instead of replying, his fingers digging viciously into a particularly tight spot.
“No, it's fine.” It's so clearly a lie it's laughable. They will be having (another) conversation about this - about Shane lying to llya about his health - once they get home, but for now, Ilya says nothing and continues to work his stubborn boyfriend's knotted up quads and glutes.
“Yes, obviously Drew's. The night after we get home, she's got a home match. We're all going.” Ilya is really looking forward to attending a game as a spectator (with his boyfriend!). They've been on so few actual dates that Ilya cherishes the ones they do get.
Shane smiles. “That sounds fun, actually… but that's not the whole plan? I saw all the documents on the shared drive.”
Ilya hums, noting the way Shane winces as his thumbs move closer to his hip. “No. Not whole plan, but attending games is part of plan. The girls are coming to New York with us next month, to watch game and come to Kingfisher. They will like, I think.”
Shane has only been once, over the summer, but as soon as he thinks about it, he can easily picture the three of them tucked into a booth, enjoying the laidback, welcoming atmosphere.
“I think they'll love it.” Despite his obvious discomfort, the smile seems genuine.
“And we need to set up a company. It has to be, what is word? Hidden? Shy? Like shady, but good?”
“Discrete?”
“Da, so people do not connect it to us. Sveta is looking into it. But maybe we ask Yuna and David? For help, like with Irina Foundation.” He knows they'll help, if he asks, but he'd rather not drag them into this when they – Yuna, especially – already do so much.
Shane huffs out an almost-laugh.
“Ilya, I know how to do that.”
“Yes, yes, I know you set up company," Ilya agrees, alternating genuine massage strokes with just groping Shane's ass. "But we need discrete.”
Shane hesitates, mouth opened as if to speak, body tense.
“Fuck.”
Ilya freezes, worried the massage has hurt Shane more than intended. “Kotik? Are you -”
Shane snorts. “I'm okay, Ilya. It's just embarrassing.”
Ilya smells blood in the water. "Oh?" he says, blandly, head cocked in interest.
His boyfriend rolls his eyes and covers his face with a limp hotel pillow.
“Y'know how I bought that condo building in Montréal?”
Ilya smirks. “Yes. Secret sex building. I know.”
Shane groans. “The investment property.”
“Hookup Hideaway. Cock Condo. Booty Call Building. Fellatio Flat...”
“Ilya.”
Ilya wisely shuts his mouth. Shane won't find 'Erection Erection' funny, anyway. He's too boring.
“Anyway, I obviously didn't buy it in my own name. I bought it through, like, an insanely complex web of holding companies that were managed by accountants and lawyers and held by trusts because I was fucking paranoid that someone would figure it out.”
Ilya bites his lip, hard, so he doesn't laugh out loud at the image of a much younger Shane, glasses on, brows furrowed, carefully creating a ridiculous number of fake companies just to get fucked. By Ilya. He doesn’t know if it's insane or romantic. It's probably both, like the CCM commercial; they've always been a little bit insane for one another.
“Ah. Did it work?”
Shane groans again, louder this time.
“Did not work?”
Another groan. “It didn’t not work.”
Ilya frowns. “That does not sound like correct grammar, Hollander.”
Shane peels the pillow away from one half of his face to glare at Ilya. His adorable, grumpy, little kitten, though Ilya very wisely does not say that out loud.
“Ugh. It worked in that no one figured out it was me. But it didn’t work in that, well, no one figured out it was me. Even the CRA. Who launched an investigation into a suspected criminal syndicate laundering money through shell companies and empty properties in Montréal.”
Ilya loses control of his laughter, doubling over with tears in his eyes. “What the fuck, Hollander?”
“When they finally connected it to me, months later, my dad got dragged into a hearing at work, because the son of a senior member of Ontario's Treasury Board committing large scale tax fraud is not a good look.”
“David?” Ilya gasps between peals of laughter. "You got David in trouble?"
“Ilya, I had to try to explain to my parents and the Canadian government why I had, for some reason, created fifteen different companies, plus three overseas corporations, just to buy a condo a few miles away from where I already lived! They wanted to know why I'd only finished renovating one unit, and why that unit was 'sitting furnished and unused'.”
Ilya can barely breathe, and the way Shane is glowering at him from under his pillow isn't helping. “What did you tell them?”
Shane's voice is muffled, but Ilya still hears him when he admits, defensively, “I panicked, okay? I told them I got confused and did it all by mistake. Including buying the building and setting up the overseas companies. And the trusts.”
Ilya really hopes the rooms beside them are empty because he laughs so hard he cries for a solid fifteen minutes.
Ilya leans against the bar, watching Kyle shoot less-than-subtle glances at Bennett, who is seated in a back corner booth with the girls and Shane. He smirks. His plan is working perfectly.
The general public have finally been shuffled out, the bar now closed for a 'private event' (aka two NHL teams plus partners getting sloshed), and he enjoys the opportunity to speak freely without the risk of ending up outed by the assholes at TMZ.
"Harris, are you in WAG chat?" he asks, casually, as they wait for their drinks orders.
"Hm? Oh, yeah, of course." Harris' full attention is on Troy, who is deep in conversation with Jalo and Breezy a few tables away.
"And Shane is in WAG chat."
Harris nods, clearly seeing right through him. "Yes. Our Cap's WAG is in the WAG chat."
"But I am also WAG, Harris!" Ilya can't help how whiny his voice comes out. The WAG chat is wasted on Shane, who barely ever gossips, and won't enjoy champagne spa days with the girls the same way Ilya would.
"The girls voted. They wanted Shane. Sorry, bro."
He does not sound the slightest bit sorry. Kyle hands over a 'Scott Hunter' for Ilya, and a ginger ale for Shane. Harris takes a cider each for him and Troy.
"Fine," he huffs, as he turns away, "I will make my own HAB chat. Without you."
He doesn't really mean it; Harris is a great source of gossip, being friends with PR and media teams across the league. He's obviously getting added. But it's worth it to hear Harris' flabbergasted stutters as he walks away.
On his way back to Shane, who is still comfortably chatting away to Bennett and the girls, he detours via Kip and Scott's table. He leans in between them, his back to Scott.
"Kipstopher!" he greets, with a grin, obnoxiously sipping his bright red cocktail. "For a dinosaur, your boyfriend is surprisingly delicious!"
Behind him, Scott groans. Kip, however, cackles delightedly. "Oh," he says, winking, "I know exactly how delicious he is."
Ilya throws his head back with a genuine laugh. "You are fun, Kipstopher Grady. Even if you are dating a prehistoric creature. Here," he shoves his phone into Kip's hand. "Give number. I will add you to HAB chat. Like WAGs, but better, because it's gay."
Kip immediately adds his number and sends himself a text.
When he sees what Kip has called himself, he laughs out loud.
Whatsapp chat with: Future Mr. 🦕☄️
Sent Message: Obnoxious Russian 😘
Then his brain catches up, and he pulls back to look at Kip and Scott. Kip's left hand, loosely curled around his glass, is sporting an absolutely stunning gold ring, inlaid with blue enamel, a single solitaire diamond in the center. Delicate without being feminine. Hand crafted. Antique. In other words, perfect for an Art History major.
He whistles lowly. "Nicely done, Hunter. Both on your choice of ring and fiancé." It's only the second ever time he's been genuinely kind to Hunter, and it sits uncomfortably in his chest. They don't do sincere. "Of course, I will out do you on both, one day. But is good effort for someone who had pet mammoth as child."
Hunter and Kip both snort, but Hunter claps him on the shoulder. "Thanks, Rozanov. Maybe by the time you come to the wedding, you'll be able to out do us with your boy, hm?"
Ilya smothers a smile and pointedly does not think about the little box hidden in the glove compartment of his last remaining sports car. Shane would never go anywhere near that car willingly, which makes it the perfect hiding place.
Instead, he just gives the happy couple a saucy wink. "Would be rude to upstage you on your wedding day. Especially when it might be your last outing from the care home."
He leaves, laughing at the muttered "fuck off" from behind him. A win always puts him in a good mood, but a win plus a night with his boyfriend and their little queer family, and getting some good news makes him feel untouchable.
He crosses the room with single-minded determination and throws himself down on Shane's lap, ignoring his half-hearted protests, just as Hunter stands on his chair and gets everyone's attention with a sharp "Hey!"
The bar falls silent, the hordes of hockey players all long since Pavloved into that response to hearing the Captain Voice.
"Kip and I have an announcement."
Ilya wolf-whistles obnoxiously, which Shane smacks him for, but it's hard to take the reprimand seriously when he can feel his boyfriend's semi poking into his thigh. He's only been sitting there for thirty seconds, but Shane's always been easy when it comes to him. He smirks and shoots Shane a look from the corner of his eye.
"Excited, my love?" he murmurs in Russian.
Shane scrunches his face up like a grumpy kitten, but doesn't deny it. Adorable.
Kip is pulled up onto his chair, beside Scott, so they both tower over the assembled crowd. They're both grinning like idiots, giving each other sickly-sweet heart eyes, right there in the middle of the pub.
"Last night, one year and ten months after I first met him in a Manhattan smoothie bar, and one year and five months after we very publicly announced our relationship, I asked Kip a very important question."
The room is dead silent, waiting for the announcement they all know is coming.
"And I said yes!" Kip crows, thrusting his hand into the air, his ring glinting under the artificial lights.
The whole crowd cheers and raises their glasses. Ilya blinks back tears. At twelve years old, Ilya had lost the one person he thought would ever truly know him and love him for it. Now, he's surrounded by a whole bar full of people who are genuinely thrilled to see two men get engaged, and he's seeing a glimpse into a future he never believed he'd have.
Shane holds him just a little bit tighter, and Ilya dares to hope that maybe the man that is his future is thinking the same thing.
As some of the guys and WAGs start to trickle out, Ilya excuses himself for the restroom. Young and Bergy had made their excuses and followed a few of the Admiral's younger players to a club, but he can't see LaPointe and Haas, either, and they aren't usually the clubbing type.
He turns left beside the bar into a dimly lit hallway, and immediately clocks two figures in the shadows.
Ah, there they are. Ilya pauses and clears his throat.
The rookies' heads shoot up, eyes finding Ilya's, and they freeze like frightened rabbits. Ilya keeps his expression neutral, waiting to see what they will do. He's perfectly capable of pretending not to have seen anything, if that's how they want to play it.
The silence stretches uncomfortably between the three of them.
Ilya has ten years of hiding and ten tonnes of trauma on both of them; he's not going to break first. He raises a single eyebrow and waits silently.
To llya's surprise, it isn't Haas who moves first. It's LaPointe.
He takes half a step forward, positioning his body slightly in front of Luca's. Then he squares his shoulders and meets Ilya's cool gaze without flinching. "Hi, Cap. What's up?"
Ilya bites back a proud smile; the kids really are are alright. He casually motions to the door a few steps behind them. "Just taking a leak, Pointy. Unfortunately, the hallway appears to be occupied."
LaPointe doesn't falter. "Sounds tough, Cap. I find 'pardon' or 'excuse me' works in those situations."
Ilya nods calmly, accepting the out for what it is. "Well," he says, diplomatically. "Excuse me."
LaPointe steps aside, gently guiding Luca with him, then sardonically waves towards the restroom door.
He slips past them silently, and heads straight for the urinal, a small smile on his face. He'd been wondering how long it would take for that to happen. He's actually quietly impressed that they figured it out so quickly. They don't typically room together on the road; tonight, Luca is with Hazy, and LaPointe is with Choui. He'll have a quiet chat with them before the next roadie to see if they want to change that. He's not a hypocrite; he and Shane were doing worse at the same age.
He's washing his hands when he hears the door open behind him. In the mirror, he sees an ashen-faced Luca shuffle into the bathroom.
"Are you mad?"
His voice is so unsure that Ilya feels his heart splinter right down the middle.
"Luca," he breathes, horrified. "What?" He spins around to face him properly.
Luca refuses to meet his eyes. "Are you mad? Disappointed?" Ilya hears his voice hitch on the last word, and he's immediately stepping forward to pull the rookie into his arms. Luca is stiff as a board, but Ilya doesn't let go.
"Why would I be angry, Haasy?" he asks, desperately. "Why would I be disappointed?"
"For fucking with the team," he whispers, but he relaxes slightly, his arms wrapping around Ilya's waist
Ilya feels like his English is failing him, because he has no idea what Luca is talking about. "You fuck with team? When?"
"By getting involved with Zach."
What?! Ilya pulls back sharply to look at Luca, completely blindsided. Had he read their interaction in the hallway completely wrong? "You and Zacharie? That is fucking with team? He is mean to you?"
"What?" Finally, Luca's eyes fly up to meet Ilya's. They're red-rimmed and damp, but full of a fire normally reserved for when they're 1-0 down in the third. "No," he says, with conviction. "He would never."
Ilya relaxes instantly. It would've been a shame to have to kill his own teammate, but for Luca, he would without hesitation. "Then what is problem?'
"He's my teammate."
What the fuck is going on here? "Yes?" he says slowly. "I am Captain. I know this. Shane is also teammate, yes? Troy and Harris?" Sure, it's fairly uncommon in the NHL still, but about half of the PWHL teams have couples or exes playing together.
"It's not the same," Luca mumbles.
"Sounds same to me," he says, firmly, in his Captain Voice.
Luca softens, hope finally flickering in his eyes. "You're really not mad?"
llya rests his hands on Luca's shoulders, willing the kid to believe him. “You are my favorite son, Luca," he says, seriously. "I am proud of you. I want you to be happy. And I love you no matter what." Then, because he is terrible at being serious for too long, he cracks a grin. "I promise, your mom and I would love you even if you were straight.”
Finally, Luca smiles back. "Thanks, dad."
Ilya grins and claps him on the back. "You can always come to me or Shane. With anything, okey?"
Luca nods. "Okay."
With that, llya leaves the restroom, nearly bowling over an anxious but determined-looking Zacharie LaPointe.
Ilya smiles. "I did not kill your boy. I am proud of both of you. Be good to him, da?"
LaPointe nods firmly, offering a small smile in return. "Yes, Cap."
After Ilya has swept them all at Cards Against Humanity, a few more people decide to call it a night, Sveta, Rose and Drew (thankfully) among them.
He thought they'd bail hours ago. Drew and Rose might think they're being subtle, but Rose lost that ability about five drinks ago. Even Sveta, who really should hold her alcohol better than this, has been not-so-quietly whispering filth to the other two, a conspicuous pair of pink, lacy underwear hanging out of her back pocket. Presumably Rose's, if the way she's been grinding on Drew's thigh is any indication. It's a good thing that everyone else is also fairly drunk, because what they're doing is definitely public indecency.
Drew presumably comes to the same conclusion as Ilya, and catches Sveta's eye. Rose clearly senses the shift, because her head lolls to the side where it's resting on Drew's chest, giving Ilya a front row seat to her glassy eyes and soft smile. He snorts under his breath. No wonder she and Shane weren't compatible; they're both needy, little bottoms. Sveta turns to Ilya, to let him know they're leaving, and he just smirks.
"Have fun."
The three of them throw around some hasty goodbyes and practically flee the bar. He's incredibly glad they booked a separate hotel to the team.
Kip and Kyle bring a fresh round of drinks and a tray of shots for the small group, and Ilya realizes that it's just queer players and their HABs left.
"Okey, everyone. I have game!"
Scott groans, which, rude.
"Yes, yes, Old Man Hunter. You will lose because you are boring."
That's all it takes to get Kip, Kyle, and Bennett on board. Harris, Troy, and the rookies nod as well. Perfect.
"Is called Never Have I Ever. One person says something they have never done. If you have done, you must drink."
Shane groans, but Ilya strokes his hair consolingly. "You will not lose, kotik. I have made you interesting." Oddly, he does not look reassured by this statement.
He snags an empty cider bottle from Harris and places it in the middle of the table. "I will spin to see who goes first." It lands on Kyle and Bennett.
"Never have I ever," Bennett says, smirking, "kissed someone on live TV."
KIP: 1, SCOTT: 1, Everyone else: 0.
It lands on Kip, next, and his grin is borderline feral. "Never have I ever gotten off thinking about someone here... who isn't a current partner."
Ilya throws his head back and cackles. He fucking loves these guys. Shane's cheeks glow pink under his freckles as three furtive glances are shot his way.
TROY: 1, HARRIS: 1, LUCA: 1, KYLE: 1.
They make it through a few more rounds, with Ilya drinking more often than not, and Shane occasionally catching strays for things they've done together – sex outdoors, sex at the rink, sex via video call.
It lands on Ilya. "Never have I ever purchased a whole building just to hook up in."
Shane goes full grumpy kitten as he drinks, everyone else looking on in astonishment.
"Whose dick is so good its worth its own building?"
A tiny smirk breaks through his pout. "Ilya's."
Kip wolf-whistles and Ilya sits up straighter, puffed up like a proud peacock. "Yes, yes. My dick is very good. Has been keeping Shane happy for a very long time." As silly as it is, the fact that Mr. Financially-Responsible spent over a million dollars on a building just to fuck him in a few times a year is one of his proudest achievements.
"Wait," Luca says, suddenly, "a very long time?"
"Da," Ilya says, winking. He does not elaborate. Luca immediately reaches for his phone, and Ilya's almost sure he's texting the HOLLANOV TIMELINE group chat that Ilya absolutely does not know anything about.
The bottle lands on Harris next, who smiles sweetly. "Never have I ever had a threesome."
KIP: 5, ILYA: 7.
Troy rolls his eyes playfully. “Of course Ilya Rozanov has had a threesome and manages to lock down Shane Hollander. What does it feel like to be one of God's favorites?”
Ilya grins wolfishly. “Shane? Yes. Very lucky. Must've been saint in past life." He presses a loud, wet kiss to Shane's cheek, ignoring the way Shane pretends to push him away. "Threesome? Eh." He tips his hand side to side, “is just sex. If good, is good. If bad, is bad. Number of people does not matter.”
“Oh, fuck off, Rozanov," Kyle mutters. "It's just unfair. Is it some Russian voodoo thing? Is that how you and Svetlana both managed it?”
Ilya rolls his eyes. “If you want to disappoint two people at once, Kyle, go have dinner with your parents. Don't torture innocent victims, da?”
The sound of smothered laughter echoes around the table, and Scott looks positively delighted to see Ilya chirping someone other than him. Shane turns his face into Ilyas chest to muffle his own, precious giggles, and Ilya squeezes him close, overcome with cuteness aggression and love.
Three years ago, Ilya had considered the Bears the closest thing to family he'd probably ever have. He's never been so happy to be wrong.
Scott Hunter✔
@scotthunternyc
Thank you for making me the happiest man alive, @historykippp 💍
[img: photo of Scott Hunter on one knee in front of a crying Kip Grady, backlit by fairy lights]
❤ 7.2M 7:00 AM - November 21, 2019
2.3M people are talking about this
TMZ Sports News✔
@tmz.sport
The Rise of the HABs - Is the NHL Becoming Too Gay?
Inside sources reveal some teams now have two or more openly gay players.
[img: Scott and Kip's engagement announcement]
❤ 3.7M 8:40 AM - November 21, 2019
476.9K people are talking about this
PWHL✔
@pwhl.official
The Rise of the HABs - Is the PWHL Becoming Too Straight?
Inside sources reveal some teams now have two or more openly straight players.
[img: collage of PWHL players with their HABs, including Selkie's Martins & her husband]
❤ 1.3M 9:15 AM - November 21, 2019
279.1K people are talking about this
Whatsapp chat with: Hot HABs 🏳️🌈
27 November 2019
Kip added Kyle
Received Message from:Kip
this is kyle, eric bennett's new toy boy
Received Message from:Kyle
hello everyone!
quick question
are all hockey players kinky?
Received Message from:Harris
it's like 3am??
but also, yes
and welcome to the HAB chat
Received Message from:Fabian
yes
and welcome! It's nice to have another retired HAB in here 💕
Received Message from:Kip
sample size of one but yes
Sent Message: congratulations kyle 😉
but no. not all
only the good ones
there are many boring players who are very bad at hockey
Received Message from:Kip
wait
are you admitting that Scott is a good hockey player?
Sent Message: he was not
was mediocre
then he starts fucking you and wins cup
pike is very boring
is montreals 14th best player. only has cup because of shane.
shane is very good player. second best player in league
i am best obviously
evidence. proof. irrefutable.
Received Message from:Kip
where the fuck did you learn the word irrefutable?
Sent Message: my Shane uses fancy words
Received Message from:Kyle
are you suggesting kinky sex is a performance enhancing drug?
Sent Message: performance enhancing?
like viagra?
never mind. I googled it.
yes. is performance enhancing drug.
and also fbi are coming to my house now i think. probably russian athletes should not google that.
jude on ice
@hollzyhollzy24
NYA and OTT leading the Eastern Conference?? If the gay agenda is playing fcking amazing hockey, I am going to petition for more NHL players to suck dck for team morale
❤ 5.2K 2:15 PM - December 5, 2019
canada goose
@begaydocrime57
The two gayest teams at the top of the stats??
🦭Selkies & Grizzlies🐻
#queersupremacy #pwhl
❤ 1.4K 3:21 PM - December 5, 2019
Whatsapp chat with: Hot HABs 🏳️🌈
Received Message from:Kip
[img: tweet screenshots]
maybe the real performance enhancing drug is just being a flaming homo 🔥
The locker room falls silent and everybody looks up as llya enters, a water bottle in each hand.
He pauses, waiting for someone to spit out whatever they've very obviously been discussing in his absence.
Bood, who has clearly been nominated as their spokesperson, steps forward. “Um. Can't Hollzy get his own water, Cap?”
Ilya raises a single eyebrow. “No.”
The team glance awkwardly at one another. Haas looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. The Three Musketeers are practically vibrating with excitement. Troy looks exasperated. Hazy is lurking in the background, watching it all unfold.
"Why?" LaPointe pipes up, after being nudged by Haasy.
"He forgot. Now I do. I do not forget." They have a game in less than two hours and this is what they want to talk about? Shane's waterbottle? He loves his team, but they are very, very strange.
Bood's eyes narrow suspiciously. “Name one time Hollzy forgot his own water bottle.”
“Los Angeles. Two fifty-three AM on 27th of June 2009. The JW Marriott hotel gym.”
The room falls abruptly, blissfully silent, and Ilya makes his way over to his stall without further interruption.
Until Shane walks in.
After a brief, baffled pause, he turns to llya. “What the fuck did you do to them, Ilya?”
Ilya's mouth falls open in disbelief. "Moy Iyubov! No! Why would you blame me? I have done nothing!"
Shane folds his arms across his muscled chest, barely concealed under a tight fitting base layer, and Ilya's resolve collapses like a house of cards.
“Okey. I maybe did something. But was not bad!”
Hayes chooses that exact moment to let out a strangled, "2009?!" And Shane's eyebrows furrow immediately.
Yay! Grumpy kitten Shane! And Ilya didn't even have to do anything wrong this time. He is truly blessed.
"Ilya, what the fuck did you do?"
“Nothing moy lyubov! I just said you forget water. One time. And now I get water for both of us always.”
The whole locker room watches as Shane visibly melts at this explanation.
Ilya grins. "Also, this is why I should be WAG."
Shane sighs, and it's exasperated but oh-so-fond, and Ilya thinks he might melt. Right here on the locker room floor.
"Baby, you need to let that go."
Yup. That's it. Ilya has melted. He is nothing but goop full of love for his Shanya.
"Ya tebya lyublyu, moy kotik."
Shane's cheeks flush and his nose scrunches as he smiles. "Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu, Ilyusha."
As they both turn to their stalls to get changed, the locker room explodes into whispers.
"What the fuck happened with a water bottle in 2009 to make Hollzy look at Roz like that?” Troy hisses, and Ilya bites back a grin.
Ilya always has 'heart eyes' for Shane, he knows. People generally find Shane stoic, less expressive, harder to read. But, sometimes, a water bottle is all it takes to crack him.
Whatsapp chat with: Cens Boys 🐎
11 December 2019
Received Message from:Hollzy
Roadie Reminder: Safe sex is very important so, please, if anyone needs condoms, lube, first aid supplies, or anything else, contact myself or Roz at any time. We will provide whatever you need without any awkward questions.
Sent Message: i will maybe ask awkward questions but also give great advice. is roulette which you get from me. good luck!
Received Message from:Bood
is this aimed at someone specific? bc most of us have partners at home.
Received Message from:Choui
Dillon and the rooks, I assume? They got wild in NYC
Received Message from:Bood
in that case, @Cap - definitely give them tips.
Sent Message: i have many supplies, but my tip is not available, sorry
Reactions: 🤢5😂3
Received Message from:Barrett
if this group chat gets requested as evidence, we’ll all have to join witness protection.
Received Message from:Hazy
i think that's only for victims
Received Message from:Barrett
i am a victim
of roz's oversharing
Received Message from:Hollzy
If nobody commits any crimes, there will be no requests for evidence, and we will have no problems.
Sent Message: yes. do not be like hollander. do not get investigated by canadian government.
Received Message from:Bood
hollander got investigated by the government?!
Received Message from:Young
is it just the canadian government? asking for a friend
also is it all crimes? or just the big ones?
Received Message from:Hazy
i swear i wasn't this wild as a rookie
Received Message from:Pointy
what crimes are you wanting to commit?
Received Message from:Young
i said for a friend!
Received Message from:Bergy
i dont know yet. i just feel like its important to have options, yknow?
Received Message from:Pointy
what kind of options involve jail time?
Received Message from:Bergy
i dont know, its just in case
Received Message from:Haasy
in case of what??
Received Message from:Bergy
guys! i dont know yet! im just asking!
Received Message from:Bood
can y'all wait until the offseason to commit whatever atrocities Bergy is planning?
Received Message from:Barrett
Guys! Please remember the golden rule: never type anything you don't want to have to defend yourself against in a court of law. Or a meeting with your comms director. - Harris🏳️🌈
Cap Roz has started an audio call
Received Message from:Barrett
That's not what I meant 🤦♀️ - Harris🏳️🌈
TMZ Sports News✔
@tmz.sport
Hockey and Hollywood Reunited! Shane Hollander, hockey All-Star and Rolex brand ambassador, rekindles his romance with Hollywood actress and model, Rose Landry, at Ottawa wine bar.
❤ 19.2M 10:31 PM - December 27, 2019
375K people are talking about this
Centaurs SAPs
@censaps.ottawa
replying to @tmz.sport
Ottowa SAPs Winter Wine Night 🍷
[img: large group of men and women, incl Harris, Shane, Sveta, and Rose at a wine bar]
❤ 132.7K 11:16 PM - December 27, 2019
75.9K people are talking about this
Selkie WAGs PWHL
@ottawagselkie
replying to @censaps.ottawa
Selkies and Centaurs SAPs ftw 🥂
[img: selfie by Yasmin Ali (Selie's LaFleur's fiancée) showing same large group of men and women at a wine bar]
❤ 57.9K 11:21 PM - December 27, 2019
17.3K people are talking about this
@montrealgirl35
replying to @censaps.ottawa
wait why tf is Shane at wag night??
❤ 5.1K 11:37 PM - December 27, 2019
uwu (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ
@noticemeshanpai
replying to @montrealgirl35
he's drew's wag
❤ 9.2K 11:58 PM - December 27, 2019
@leslumberjack
replying to @noticemeshanpai
drew literally came out as a lesbian earlier this year? she's def not dating shane hollander.
❤ 5.7K 12:03 AM - December 28, 2019
@bisexualmenace
replying to @leslumberjack
hey, uh, bisexual people exist!
❤ 72.6K 12:07 AM - December 28, 2019
Ilya Rozanov✔
@ilyarozanov81
replying to @bisexualmenace
🩷💜💙
❤ 95.9K 12:17 AM - December 28, 2019
@montrealgirl35
replying to @noticemeshanpai
rose landry is shane's wag. why else would she be there? #hollandry
❤ 9.4K 12:23 AM - December 28, 2019
hockey husbands
@hollroztruther
replying to @montrealgirl35
shane is ilya's hab #hollanov #hollroz
❤ 4.7K 12:31 AM - December 28, 2019
@montrealgirl35
replying to @hollroztruther
ilya's gf is literally right there?? you hollanov weirdos are delusional 🙄
❤ 7.5K 12:34 AM - December 28, 2019