Chapter Text
You wake up on a hard floor with someone towering over you, they have grey skin, yellow sclera and they have horns in a sharp orange to warm yellow gradient. They help you up and introduce themselves, you learn that she is a girl. Her name is Feferi Peixes and she is a highblood, well, not only a highblood but the TOP of the caste system. This world wields a caste system that seems extremely flawed to you. Fuchsia is at the top and it goes down to candy Mutant Red being at the bottom, it's scary. Feferi tries to comfort you though, saying that everything will be okay.
FEFERI: So, )(ow did you get )(ere in the first place, glubbie?
CYNT: I.. don't know! I don't remember anything, Feferi.
CYNT: And I want to go back home, please.. Can you help me?
FEFERI: O)(, don't cry! You )(aven't even told me yoar name, )(ow aboat we start wit)( t)(at?
CYNT: I'm sorry.. I'm just so upset and scared right now.
CYNT: My name is Cynt, what is yours?..
FEFERI: I've already told you my name, glubbie! My name is Feferi Peixes, you silly retard!
You back away almost instantly the moment Feferi calls you a retard, tears still prickle your eyes as you back into her wall near her desk, accidentally knocking down what seems to be a fish bowl. The fish look weird..
CYNT: Feferi, what the hell..
FEFERI: O)( no! Look w)(at you've done, glubbie!!
You watch as Feferi sets down her double-sided trident into the ground and you interpret her walking closer as her coming towards you, so you quickly move away to your right. Feferi doesn't pause but she keeps her attention on her odd fishes and walks towards a bigger fish tank, setting them free into the water filled with a few other fish. Feferi smiles and then throws the broken, circular fish tank into a nearby bin, grabbing her trident and giving you a brightful look from where you're standing in the right corner.
FEFERI: W)(y are you over t)(ere, glubbie?
CYNT: I just thought you would.. ugh, it doesn't matter.
CYNT: I'm sorry about your fish tank, Feferi but you can't be calling me bad words, okay? It's not nice.
FEFERI: Don't be silly, Cynfin! I can call you w)(atever I want and besides, you did knock over my cuttlefis)( tank.
FEFERI: I can already tell you need to be culled, glubbie! Now, )(ow aboat you come over )(ere?
FEFERI: I won't )(urt you!
You don't move towards Feferi, you trust her already but you aren't comfortable walking towards someone who just called you a bad word. And she's coming towards you instead, taking ahold of your right hand. You feel odd so you switch hands, moving to Feferi's left and taking hold of her right hand with your left hand. Feferi notes that you're left-handed in her head but you don't know that as she walks you over towards what looks like a kitchen, it looks weird. Feferi lets go of your hand, setting her trident near you. You see Feferi walking over to her cabinets and picking out a small box with some picture on the cover, you don't pay it any attention. But wait, what is that?..
CYNT: Why are there fish floating in the air?
FEFERI: Now let's sea )(ere.. Arr you able to eat cuttlefis)( goupon, glubbie?
CYNT: Aren't those cuttlefish your pet fish, Feferi?
FEFERI: Wow, I didn't expect you to figure t)(at out already.
CYNT: Why would you feed me fish food!?
CYNT: I'm not a fish, you idiot!
FEFERI: Calm down, please! You're going to wake up t)(e sleeping moufis)(es, you little retard.
That really sets you off, you growl and pick up Feferi's trident with a bit of struggle but end up pointing it at the highblood. Screw this stupid caste stuff, who cares if she's some god here?
CYNT: Enough of this.. bullshit!!!
CYNT: You're not going to treat me like some stupid little retarded person, you hear me?
CYNT: I am my own person capable of sentience, life and consciousness! And I've had enough of your belittling, Feferi!
CYNT: Or shall I call you Feferetard instead, huh???
FEFERI: *Gasp!*
Even with her own trident being pointed at her, Feferi doesn't seem concerned about that. Infact, she gasps with shock and runs towards you, fighting you with her trident. You feel tears about to spill and you let go of the trident violently, Feferi tosses it far away from the two of you and then gives a sympathetic look that doesn't feel sympathetic at all. She walks towards you and pulls you into a tight hug as you cry over her shoulder, she pats your back.
FEFERI: O)(, t)(ere, t)(ere.. It's all okay.
FEFERI: Let it out, my sweet glubbie. It's all going to be okay, t)(ere's no need to cry!
FEFERI: I understand you're upset about me calling you a retard, but t)(e t)(ing is.. you are one!
You let go of Feferi, only to be met with a loving smile on her face.
CYNT: What?...
FEFERI: You are a retard, Cynfin and t)(at's completely okay!
FEFERI: You're clearly not fit to navigate t)(is big, scary world on your own.
FEFERI: We'll get you set into a nice loving Oliveblood )(ive w)(o will take care of you nicely!
CYNT: ...
Yes, you can already feel the dread settling in.
Feferi sits you down at the kitchen table, pushing you in before you can do it herself and busies herself in her cabinets. You can hear a weird sticky and mushy sound coming from where she is, you feel anger bubbling in again. It's frustration, the noise makes you feel fuzzy, warm and shockingly.. it's as if someone is licking you or touching you. She's mashing something up and it's hitting something deep inside you, even though you want to say something so badly.. you hold yourself back, not wanting to cause a scene like moments before.
Feferi brings you a small plate of something orange and you can clearly tell it's something mashed up into a paste, you look up at Feferi with an expectancy of someone basically saying ‘where is my spoon?’ Feferi smiles at you again, you exhale a bit louder than usual, you do that when annoyed and are trying to suppress it.
CYNT: Um.. Where is my fork?
FEFERI: Do you mean a spoon, glubbie? Because it's rig)(t )(ere!
CYNT: Okay, well.. Can I have a spoon then?
FEFERI: No, I will feed you t)(e cuttlefis)( goupon myself, glubbie.
FEFERI: Wit)( t)(at act of violence and anger, I can't )(ave you getting angry at me for no reason and trying to )(urt me or yourself, okay?
FEFERI: T)(is is cuttlefis)( goupon mas)(ed up, I know you got upset earlier and )(ad a meltdown but it's a-okay! I will be t)(e one feeding you instead, alrig)(t?
CYNT: No, Feferi! I'm sorry about threatening you with your trident but I'm not a baby, so I won't let you feed me like a big baby.
CYNT: Also, I'm not eating this.
FEFERI: )(mm, let me t)(ink.. Glubbie, you )(ave to let me feed you t)(is!
FEFERI: If you don't eat t)(is, t)(en w)(at else will you eat? I know you retards )(ave sensitive stomac)(s and )(ave trouble eating big troll foods due to sensory issues and your w)(ining, so I made it safe to eat.
FEFERI: Now, open up!
CYNT: No!
FEFERI: Aww.. don't be upset, glubbie! It's all okay!
FEFERI: If you eat t)(is, t)(en maybe I can try and see if I can get you a small treat.
CYNT: Can't I just eat the treat instead of this then?
FEFERI: But is t)(at rig)(t to not eat the food I made for you, glubbie?
CYNT: I know you put effort into it but I think I'd get really sick eating this.. we don't have this type of stuff where I'm from.
FEFERI: Do you mean ‘was?
CYNT: I'm not eating this! I want something else, Feferi!
FEFERI: W)(ale, I suppose I s)(ould cater to your needs as your temporary culler.
FEFERI: S)(ore, let's get you eating t)(is little c)(ocie treat, my dear Cynfant!
Feferi gave you a small transparent bag filled with chocolate bar pieces or a "chocie treat" as she called it, while she gave you a simple tour of her hive. You did your best to ignore her extremely upsetting comments about how you can't touch sharp things like corners, her trident and anything that could let you "wander off" in her words. Whatever that means? Feferi also began asking you questions that you considered personal and invasive to people that weren't Autistic but you didn't really mind them, it just added more to the growing pit of annoyance and sadness Feferi had started.
And then she also began asking things about Autism, it was an odd topic to talk about. You never really thought about the fact that you were Autistic alot, when you found out you cried for three weeks when you were alone. It was better to cry alone than to talk to people about it, you even got books on it and read up about Autism online. You told her most of it, still trusting her but that trust was disappearing little by little until it no longer existed. You were just telling her so she could leave you alone, she didn't.
Feferi just saw it as more proof you need this so-called culling.
She hasn't explained what culling to you was in much detail but you had already filled in the details inside your head, it was basically extreme caretaking. Feferi had put it in nice words but with the way she had been treating you, it didn't feel nice at all. Feferi had seemingly noticed your quietness and then tried cheering you up with stories of Humans, Trolls and Cherubs alike she had helped temporarily culling. And then she showed you to her room and her fancy recuperacoon that you absolutely were for no circumstances were allowed to enter, you didn't really mind but you were curious.
You tried explaining Autism one more time to her but she just dismissed you.
FEFERI: T)(at sounds like a lot of big confusing words for someone like you!
CYNT: It's not too confusing..
CYNT: Well, I'm interested in it but I wouldn't say it's confusing me–
FEFERI: Anywaves, let's swim over to yoar room for t)(e nig)(t, okay?
As it hit evening, Feferi had led you into a narrow enough hallway that introduced fear into you. The corridor was lit up by a nightlight in the middle of the wall, it was a white wave that emitted an extremely low blue light. Feferi opened the door and the room was jawdropping, it was a room full of muted fuchsias and was empty. You stood there in the doorway and then took a step inside when Feferi nudged you to step in the room, she smiled at you and then went into the corner of the room. You hadn't noticed the small straps she had in the corner.
CYNT: F-Feferi, what's going on?
FEFERI: O)(, don't worry, glubbie! T)(ese are just a few binds t)(at will keep you safe for t)(e nig)(t, don't worry.
FEFERI: Now, )(old still!
CYNT: W-Wait!..
To say you struggled would be simplifying it, you had thrashed against Feferi. You couldn't let her contain you like you were mentally ill and insane!
CYNT: Get off me!
FEFERI: O)(, don't )(it me.. Ouc)(!!
CYNT: Stop, stop!..
FEFERI: Gos)(, w)(at a big struggle!
FEFERI: I'm glad everyt)(ing worked out in t)(e end. Didn't it, glubbie?
CYNT: Fuck you, Feferi! Get me out of here or I'll really show you crazy!
FEFERI: Suc)( bad language, t)(at's a )(uge no no! W)(ere did I keep the gag around )(ere?..
FEFERI: I found it, I didn't need to look very far now. Okay, let me just put t)(is on you..
FEFERI: T)(ere we go, now you're all nice and quiet for me! Please don't use bad words, my dear Cynfant.
You let out a growl that most likely sounded animalistic but Feferi only patted your head and sat you flat on the padded ground, she gave you a small kiss on the head and announced to you that she would be contacting an Oliveblood before she left you alone in the padded room. You started trembling, you were scared of the dark and there were no nightlights in here. Maybe if you hadn't struggled then Feferi wouldn't have gagged you? You cried silently in the dark room, your brain conjuring up scary beings that made you close your eyes only for a scary picture to conjure in your mind room.
You cried, wishing you were nicer to Feferi. Maybe she will come and help you? You knew she was busy, faintly hearing her voice outside talking to some random Oliveblood whose house you would be sent to tomorrow. The dark padded room was soundproofed from the outside to avoid any noise overwhelming any temporary culled being Feferi was holding.
Your muffled cries did not reach Feferi.