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Alien diplomacy was a great bore. Not that terrestrial diplomacy was much better, judging by what Lance saw on television, or by some complaints he had caught at Garrisons hearing some professors speak and their boundless hatred for the nonsense of politicians in the face of the concrete possibility of making improvements.
He had never paid much attention to it before.
His only interest was to become a fighter pilot and go into space. All the political things behind it did not interest him.
He was privileged, in a way.
But now he was a paladin. The peace of the galaxy depended on him and the others. They had to deal with numerous alien races who had every reason not to trust these strange aliens who came to declare that they wanted to protect them from the empire, like missionaries who arrived after the conquistadors.
Some believed that they were in cahoots with the Galras. Distrust was the least these populations could have towards supposed saviors.
Distrust that in some cases translated into having one of the team members drugged with a strange potion because you were on an anti-Galra planet, just out of a decades-long domination and the priestly caste did not want to risk going back to how things were before.
If there really had to be exploitation, at least it was theirs, and not that of some strange alien!
"Shiro, this is... isn't there another way?" Lance whispered, as Priest Epinice gave Keith a silver goblet, and the red paladin snatched it from the man's hand without any education, irritation emanating from every pore.
"I wish there was," the black paladin reluctantly admitted, "I would also like to get out of here, but Allura says we need to strengthen the coalition, and they have a warrior caste that can empower it."
"So is it okay to drug Keith for a few more men?"
"So it's okay to drug someone if we don't want them to use their army against us out of spite," Shiro retorted, just as Keith gulped down the contents of the goblet as if he were drinking water and not some weird and possibly toxic stuff for all of them.
"Good? How long will it take to take effect?" the red paladin asked, slamming his foot nervously on the ground.
"The potion takes effect immediately," Priest Epinice declared, the shrimp face and those little black eyes will probably be the material of his nightmares for the next few months, "Let's not waste time. Red Paladin of Voltron. Are the rumors true? Are you a half-Galra?"
"Yes, I am," the boy replied, but it didn't mean much, he wasn't the type to want to hide such a thing anymore. A whole journey of self-discovery and yabba yabba doo.
"Were you born to conquer the Earth?"
"Shit if I know," another answer that didn't need a damn potion of truth, since Keith didn't know, had lived as a human all his life and hated his life there. Not to the point of wanting to destroy the Earth, though.
The priest moaned, the appendages in his mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to squeeze something – Lance hoped it wasn't their heads – then asked, "Do you want to hurt your team?"
"Why should I?"
"Because you're fighting against your species."
Keith didn't make any wrinkles. His expression remained carefully neutral, "I am human."
"You are partly human, as you yourself told us, paladin. Doesn't that create conflict for you?"
"I'm not Galra."
"You are half Galra," the priest reminded him, once again, "Is the call of blood nothing to you? Can you fight other Galra without any problems? Without feeling like a traitor? Do you ever think it's unfair? You don't think you want revenge... Maybe the blue paladin?"
Keith remained unmoved, "The blue paladin?"
"Yes, we have seen the videos, and it is clear that there is mistrust among you. Is this because he knows who you really are? Is he in danger? Would you like to hurt him?"
Lance's heart beat so fast that it could rival the drums of war. The answer intrigued him.
He didn't want to know it.
Because if one part of him hoped, another, more realistic, reminded him that if so many were annoyed by him, there was a damn good reason.
He wasn't stupid, he could see Allura's expression when he complimented her, he could see the annoyance Pidge talked to him or Hunk's tension as he tried to spend time together, but it was so hard.
We don't even start with Shiro, who seemed to know how to talk only to Pidge and Keith, and barely gave him the time of day.
He understood that there were priorities; he wasn't so immature. But it was hard not to feel unwanted.
" We are sort of friends now, and Lance is still annoying as hell, but I would fuck him if he asked."
An almost unreal silence fell in the room. Priest Epinice seemed almost as forbidden as they were, and the idea of drugging a paladin had been his.
The priest stammered, "Ah, I don't think... That's not what I asked!"
"Oh, this is getting funny," Pidge muttered, a maniacal twinkle in his eyes.
"Pidge, this isn't funny," Shiro hissed at her, but the green paladin retorted, "Keith without filters finally spilling the beans and ending our suffering? Of course it is!"
Before Shiro could scold her, Keith continued, " Lance is an ass, but a sexy ass. I just stare at him during training, and yes, he's one of the worst fighters, probably only Hunk is poorer, but I don't mind being paired with him during training so I have an excuse to pin him to the ground and see how he reacts."
"Dear Lord, no..." Shiro exhaled, while Pidge laughed like crazy.
The priest was even more uncomfortable, "Paladin, that's not my question, I wanted to know..."
"You asked me if I'm a threat to my teammates, especially Lance, because of those stupid videos..."
"They're not stupid, videos for the Coalition are a great way to..."
However, no one listened to Shiro, least of all Keith, who resumed speaking, "And this is my answer. No, I'm not a danger to the paladins, I'm not a danger to Lance."
"You want the blue paladin."
"Yes, so what? It’s not a big deal.”
"Not a big deal? Are you serious?" Lance blurted out, finally finding his voice again. Oh, he was upset. Believe him, that was the last thing he expected to hear from all that mess with the truth serum.
Keith found it sexy. Keith had been looking for excuses to touch him – yes, a little cringe, but hey, they were teenagers, they deserved to be cringe every now and then, didn't they? – and above all she had feelings for him.
Too bad, however, that he did not consider it a big deal.
Keith looked at him. Maybe it was the effect of drugs. Maybe it was just his thing. But the expression was perfectly neutral, an unreal calm.
So it hurt even more when he said, "Sure, why should it be? It's you."
Lance felt as if someone had forced his head under the water and then fished him out immediately after; in his ears he had a prolonged, painful white, static noise.
It was just the two of them at that moment. Everything else disappeared, swallowed up by that noise.
It's you, Keith had said.
Of course it's not a big deal, it's just you, not Shiro or the princess. Why should it be a big deal, you're so easy, I bet if I gave you five minutes of attention I'd have already seduced you.
It's you, Lance, it's obvious that it's easy.
"Lance..." Hunk tried to talk to him – the poor, sweet Hunk, who even though he had grown up from his childhood friendship with Lance, he knew him well, and read him better than anyone. And he knew – but Lance ignored him.
He felt especially mean at that moment.
"Oh, that's it," he said, a seemingly bored voice, as if it wasn't a big deal for him, and added, "So, what do you think of me?"
"Lance... it's not fair to Keith..."
Keith didn't have the same problems as Shiro, "You have a nice ass, and you know it. I've seen you in the shower enough times to know what to dream about at night, and you're unbearably hot. Really too much."
"Only this?" he hummed, with a hint of irritation.
Keith looked at him without understanding, "You're beautiful. What else is there?"
What else is there... Really?... WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
To Keith, Lance was just a beautiful body and nothing else. Apparently, it was enough to ignore his otherwise atrocious personality, which obviously the other paladin couldn't stand, since he hadn't had a nice thing to say to him about it.
He couldn't tell him that she considered him intelligent, capable, kind, a good driver or anything like that. He couldn't tell him because Lance wasn't.
He was just sexy and hot.
Fuck it. He hated this shit.
Maybe he was a little dramatic, but he didn't want to hear another damn thing.
Shiro didn't like diplomatic missions. The princess told him they were the easiest, and that she made sure they wouldn't run any risks.
The concept of risk seemed to be different between humans and Alteans. Shiro would have preferred to learn about the Amineinei's paranoia before going to their planet, to see Keith drink what was probably poison, and to make a fool of himself in front of the team and their allies.
What was worse, Keith was revealing things he would have preferred to keep to himself, without even realizing what he was saying, because apparently the potion had also removed his inhibitions, and Lance, perhaps out of pettiness or curiosity, wouldn't let it go.
Did he want material to mock Keith? Did he want to brag about being the one who had the volatile red paladin in his grasp? Was it a matter of ego or…
“I guess not,” Lance said, his voice toneless, but the flash of pain in his eyes couldn't hide it. “There's nothing else.”
Shiro looked at him, confused as to why he wasn't gloating over what Keith had just said. Then he remembered how it had gone the first time he'd confessed to Adam, and it dawned on him.
There wasn't any power trip going on, just a genuinely hurt teenager.
And Shiro had assumed the worst. He'd told Allura he wasn't the best one to lead the team. It was yet another lapse in judgment.
But he was the only adult there, and he couldn't allow this charade to continue.
"Is this enough for you, or do you want more?" Shiro asked the priest, who fixed his little black eyes on him, unclear what was going through his mind.
"This is enough," the priest reluctantly admitted. "The red paladin seems loyal to the cause. His motivations...are strong."
Shiro didn't miss the implication, nor did Lance, who snorted without any amusement.
"Your ass saved us, Lance..."
"Pidge," sometimes he wished Matt's sister could be more subtle, or understand social cues. It was a problem she and Matt shared. "This isn't the time for jokes."
"Why? I'm just getting started. Keith will be so embarrassed when he gets better."
"This isn't as funny as you think," Hunk commented. He looked at him.
The yellow paladin understood.
Keith wasn't the one who had been humiliated there.
Keith hated diplomatic missions. In most cases, he was looked upon with suspicion because he was half-Galra – and honestly, he understood the reactions, but there were a lot of Galra who disagreed with the Empire and were doing their best to rebel; didn't they deserve credit too? – at worst, he ended up being subjected to some trial to make sure that the paladins were trustworthy.
Allura had already warned them that it would happen, since after ten thousand years no one would trust them so easily. But did he always have to be the one to undergo these trials?
Why not Shiro, who was the leader? Or Allura? Or Lance?
(Although the thought of Lance being subjected to that same treatment was something Keith could not tolerate, and made him feel uncomfortable.)
At least, this time, despite the irritation at the trial and the general stupidity, Keith felt calm. The potion tasted neither bad nor tasted good, and it was easy to drink it all in one gulp.
The questions were stupid, and it was all an incredible waste of time; Keith would have responded even without all that useless ceremony, saving a potion that would surely have served for the many enemies that the clergy of the planet had made.
Everything was going well. So why did Shiro look at him like he was sad for him?
"Stop it," he said to the black paladin when the priest finally dismissed them and reunited with the others to discuss their next move. Hunk and the others had already left, leaving them alone. "It seems that you expect me to explode in front of you at any moment."
"I know you'll be very angry as soon as the effects of the potion are gone," the man sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Keith, I want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened. Making you say certain things when you weren't ready to say them was unfair and wrong."
Keith tilted his head slightly, not understanding, "I said what the priest wanted. Isn't that good?"
"No, because you also admitted things to Lance that I know you would never have said out loud."
The teenager blinked, confused. "Why? Lance is beautiful. I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell him."
"Is he just beautiful?"
Keith didn't understand his question. "What do you mean?"
"When you see Lance, don't you think of anything else? Nothing of his... merits?" It seemed that Shiro was in agony asking him, and absentmindedly Keith wondered if he should ask Priest Epinice for the potion formula, to help him relax a bit. All that tension was not good for him, and it was not difficult for him to imagine him one day with completely white hair.
"Why should I do that?" the red paladin asked, not understanding where his brother was going. He knew what kind of person Lance was. He saw it; he wasn't stupid.
And he knew what he felt every time he looked at him. He might get irritated about feeling so weak to someone else, but it didn't change that Lance wouldn't be the type to give him his time. Someone like him followed the attention of others like a moth followed the fire, always looking for something.
It wasn't constant, and Keith didn't intend to be something fleeting in his life.
"You should, because, underneath the façade, Lance is a person... complicated. He is far from home, with the only company of almost strangers; he is trying to understand his place with us ... And you told him that the only remarkable thing about him is that he is beautiful."
"He should like it. He always brags about his skincare routine."
Shiro clenched his jaw. "Compliments are nice, but maybe Lance would like a friend of his to consider him more than a pretty face..."
"But he is," Keith retorted, not understanding Shiro's point. Lance was beautiful; there was nothing wrong with admitting it. It hurt to look at him at times. It hurt because he knew he would never look at him the way Keith looked at him.
"Yes, I get it, but Keith, Lance doesn't just want to be considered a pretty face. He would like to be known. He would like someone who sees him, all sides of him, and who appreciates him for who he is..."
Something told Keith that this was an important conversation that he should pay attention to. Unfortunately, his body decided it was time to expel whatever the old shrimp had given him, and Keith threw up on him.
"Oh yes, don't worry. This is a normal reaction of the body to the intake of toxins. The red paladin will be sick for an entire cycle, but he will recover."
Priest Epinice seemed all too cheerful as he said this, and Lance saw how Shiro's nostrils were widening, all his patience running out the moment Keith threw up on him, "You gave him toxins and didn't you think to inform us?"
Quiznack, Shiro was furious. Even Pidge didn't make jokes, nor did Lance want to make them.
None of them wanted to deal with a pissed off Shiro.
The priest, on the other hand, did not seem to realize the danger, "Why should we? Our secrets are ours alone."
"You have endangered a member of my team!" the black paladin blurted out, but the priest immediately dismissed him, "What is one life compared to millions of others? No one wants to risk a return of the Galras, and the presence of a half-blood among the paladins is a cause for genuine concern."
"Keith didn't even know he was a half-Galra before he got into space!"
"That's what he told you. Who could guarantee us that it was the truth?" the priest's black eyes widened, "I advise you, black paladin, to clean yourself up. The others want to talk to you."
"I'm not going to leave Keith alone while..."
"I'm staying," Shiro and the priest turned to him. They seemed to have remembered him only at that moment. He swallowed, "I'll stay with Keith. You can go, Shiro."
Shiro looked at him, torn, "Lance, you don't have to do that. I know you're still upset about what Keith said before."
Upset? Upset couldn't even describe how Lance had felt. Heck, he'd rushed to Blue to isolate himself from the universe, put weird alien music on the ball, and hope Pidge dropped it. To her, it was just a funny thing to reproach Keith.
But Lance wasn't amused. Lance had felt under observation, pointed out, good only because he was pretty and nothing else.
He was the proof that the Blue Lion chose anyone; it wasn't that difficult to become a paladin.
In fact, maybe Blue could have chosen someone else while Lance was distracted, and then he wouldn't have had anything left.
He wanted to be angry with Keith. And he was, quiznack if he was. But Keith had been literally poisoned because of the trust issues of the priests, the easy scapegoat in case of failure of the mission.
He was angry with him, but Lance wasn't so cruel as to leave him alone in such a condition.
"I could do it..." Hunk tried timidly, but Lance interrupted him, "If you see him vomit, then you vomit too, and then we'll have two paladins to worry about. Pidge would make videos and then show them to him when it's all over."
"I'm not saying I wouldn't do it, but..."
"You would," Shiro shrugged, tired, "Lance, if you're sure..."
"I am," the Cuban cut short, not wanting to talk about any encouragement, "Now, go clean yourself, you stink."
Shiro thinned his lips into a thin line, thoughtful. He had the expression of those older brothers who wanted to make you feel better but didn't know how.
"Keith didn't mean there wasn't more to you. You're a good person, Lance, and a good paladin."
"We both know what Keith meant," Lance retorted angrily, "He couldn't literally lie, Shiro."
"Even so, Keith was never good with words. He will apologize, when he comes to his senses. “
He knew it. And he knew that they will all try to pretend that none of this ever happened, except Pidge, but a new crisis or a new project will be enough to divert her attention elsewhere.
Everything will return to its status quo, it didn't matter that Lance didn't have anyone's esteem and that he could be the first expendable piece of the paladins in case they had to make a sacrifice.
They needed soldiers, after all. Not pretty dudes on a leash.
"I know," he just said, and there must be something on his face that was making it clear what he really thought, as Shiro looked even more sorry –but for Keith, not for Lance.
Somehow, he doubted that he had ever been at the top of Shiro's concerns.
Keith felt like he was dying. His stomach was twisting into a ball, he felt like he was on fire.
His body was turning against him, and it was so hot. He was burning.
He would burn like his father, and no one would care, because it was him, they were in the middle of a war, and there were more important things to worry about...
"Hey, calm down, tiger," someone said, placing something cold on his forehead, "It sucks, you threw up on me three times, and your nose is bleeding, like, a lot. I don't know what those guys gave you, but it must be strong stuff. They'd be big on Earth, people are always looking for stuff to get high on..."
"Lance?"
"Yeah, it's me. Don't push yourself, Keith. You need to let your body rest."
"Keep...keep touching me..."
Please, keep touching me, I hate the heat, and you're so cold.
But he must have said something wrong, he couldn't feel Lance's hand on him anymore.
"You're lucky Pidge isn't here. She'd never stop teasing you."
That was it. Now Lance won't touch him anymore, and the fire will slowly kill him.
But Lance started touching him again, sighing, "What the hell has become my life? Why can't I have simple things? Is this the universe's way of telling me it hates me?"
"Why would the universe hate you?"
"I have a few ideas why," the paladin simply said.
"You...Lance, you're..."
You're very kind to me, even when I don't deserve it. It's unfair to be kind and pretty. I hate it.
The other, however, didn't let him finish. "Yeah, I already know. You don't need to repeat it...dude, you're going to be so out of your mind once you get back to normal...hope Pidge doesn't have anything against you, or she'll make you work her guard shifts instead of..."
Keith wasn't listening anymore. He let the voice and the touch lulle him into unconsciousness.
"So..."
"That was awkward."
"Yeah."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do you?"
"Not really."
"Me neither."
"So..."
"So...are we okay?"
"..."
"Yes, Keith. We are."