Chapter Text
“Kris, don’t hesitate.”
❤️ Proceed
Kris took a step.
Was it of their own volition, or guided by the twisted thing inside their chest?
They could not answer.
How long ago had the boundary between resisting and becoming a willing accomplice been erased? And for what? Was it out of jealousy? Toward Susie, toward their friend? Out of yearning for love? Toward Noelle, whose loving gaze wasn't directed at them? Out of anger? To hurt her for leaving them alone long ago? Out of malice? To hurt her for having what they didn't? Out of spite, for being the first in the heart of no one?
It didn't matter.
Those feelings never deserved to be directed at either of them.
For it was Kris who had caused it all.
It was Kris who abandoned Noelle when she lost her sister. It was Kris who couldn't capture the gaze they longed for. It was Kris who couldn't settle for the love they deserved. And it was Kris's fault for being born this way.
Kris looked at Noelle's face, her eyes still not daring to meet theirs.
Another step, and the water already reached their hips.
Her body trembled, her lip quivering from the cold. Fur, drenched with water, clung to her legs. Her tail flinched as she took another step, the hem of her skirt submerged beneath the surface.
“Haha… it's… colder than I thought.”
❤️ Proceed
Kris took another step.
Their pants were drenched, clinging to their legs like a second skin.
Kris shivered.
Not from the cold...
From disgust.
The inadequacy of the way they had been born never failed to catch up with them.
Ever since birth, Kris had questioned why they were born this way.
Why they didn't have fur and horns like Asriel, like Mom, like Dad...
Why everybody looked at them like an outcast.
Why, no matter how close they grew to anyone or any group, they always felt there was an invisible distance between them.
Why, no matter how kindly everyone treated them outside home, they still felt like a stranger in their household, a guest.
Why their body was made of flesh and bone: a cage, a prison containing their soul within.
Oh, how beautiful monster bodies were...
How perfectly they reflected the souls within them, the pinnacle of one's own essence.
How true they were.
How wonderful it must have felt to truly belong within one's own body, to feel no detachment between flesh and soul, without looking at a moving arm and feeling as though it merely obeyed them.
Kris couldn't forget the blissful feeling of the Dark World, where their body had taken a form that truly felt like their own.
Nor the feeling of newfound detachment between the body of their own and the soul that no longer felt like it belonged to them.
And yet...
Who was there for Kris to blame?
For it was Kris themself who had agreed to host it in pursuit of a goal.
Noelle still refused to meet Kris's eyes, her gaze looking aside, avoiding their eyes hidden beneath the bangs.
Her brows were furrowed, her expression downcast, carrying what looked like hesitation, a fleeting second thought.
Kris opened their mouth.
It moved before they even knew what they were about to say.
“❤️Proceed”
Yet none of those words escaped.
None of the words they wanted to say.
The doubt on Noelle's face vanished, replaced by newfound resolve.
Her expression steadied, accompanied by a small, confident smile.
It seemed those words had given her the strength to finally meet Kris's gaze.
Noelle's eyes held a warmth that made Kris's heart ache.
For that look should never have been directed at them.
She should never have felt such gratitude for words that came from it.
Another step.
The water had already reached their chest.
“Kris, don't let go of my hands.”
Kris would not.
For despite all the guilt they carried, this was something Kris had always yearned for.
No matter how much they pretended to resist, deep down, indulging in the powerlessness swallowing them whole, Kris cherished the closeness it granted.
Maybe that was why they had never struggled hard enough.
Because if they truly gave in, Kris could finally receive something they didn't deserve without ever having to bear the guilt of choosing it for themselves.
Kris could never approach Noelle.
Not after abandoning her when Dess disappeared.
Not after hiding what happened afterward.
Kris knew they would only ruin the life she had left.
So they stayed away, hoping that whatever they were doing would one day make it all worthwhile.
Alas...
It was a bitter irony.
Their inaction had wounded her just as deeply as anything they had done in those first few days.
In truth, surrendering to their powerlessness brought Kris peace.
The certainty of what awaited them was strangely comforting.
It was too late.
Too late to think about the loving mother they would leave behind.
Too late to think about the father who would be left alone.
Too late to imagine what Asriel would see when he returned.
Too late for Susie...
Too late for Noelle's dad...
Too late for Ralsei...
Too late...
It was simply too late.
And in that too late, Kris found an exhilarating sense of freedom.
They finally understood how Spamton had felt.
If Heaven truly existed, Kris doubted they would ever reach it.
Maybe Noelle would.
Hopefully Noelle would.
But for them...
Whatever came next...
...would already be [Heaven].
“Just keep walking.”
❤️ Proceed
And so Kris did.
They took another step, the water reaching their chin. Noelle was still taller than Kris, so it would take a few more steps before it reached her, and yet Kris outstretched their arms, cupping Noelle’s face.
Kris saw fear flicker across her eyes the moment their hands moved. Her grip tightened to a frightening degree, as if afraid Kris would leave her alone.
Kris would not.
“Kris…” Noelle hissed through her teeth before sighing in relief, her nose twitching the moment their hand met her cheek. “Even in moments like this… you can’t stop scaring me.”
The tension seemed to leave her shoulders as she took another step back.
Kris followed.
They rose onto their tiptoes and took another step. Their own head barely remained above the water, yet they kept holding Noelle’s face high enough that it wouldn't meet the same fate.
It was useless.
In a matter of seconds, the gesture would mean nothing.
Yet Kris felt that if they stopped, they would truly give in. Whatever little resistance they had ever shown would lose all meaning the moment they abandoned her.
The water brushed against Noelle’s chin as Kris barely kept their mouth above the surface while supporting her face.
“Kris… keep saying.”
❤️Proceed
Another step.
The water rose above Kris’s head, and they could no longer see whether what they were doing made any difference.
“Kris… plea-”
❤️Proceed
Another step.
Kris felt the tips of their fingers slip beneath the water.
They weren't even sure Noelle could still hear them.
❤️Proceed
Another step.
It felt as though both of them had lost all semblance of footing.
With a muted splash, they fully submerged beneath the water.
Kris felt the grip on their hands tighten.
They saw Noelle sinking into complete darkness, her body descending deeper into the abyss hidden beneath the lake.
❤️Proceed…
Kris felt the arms around them pull them closer, dragging them deeper into the abyss alongside her.
They did not resist.
They let themselves be pulled down until the desperate grasp became an embrace.
Their arms wrapped around Noelle's back as they drifted through complete darkness and unbearable cold.
“Proceed…”
It contrasted sharply with the inferno burning inside Kris's chest. They couldn't tell whether it came from their lungs or the soul within.
Kris hoped it was the latter.
They hoped it felt the same guilt for everything they had done.
They hoped that the warmth in their chest, even at the cost of their own suffering, might somehow reach Noelle in their embrace.
Their chest burned...
Then something warm touched their lips.
Kris opened their eyes.
Noelle was looking directly at them.
Within those crimson reflections, Kris saw relief, exhilaration... and regret.
They let themselves linger in those final emotions as darkness slowly crept in from the edges of their vision-
until there was nothing left.
“Holy shit! Gaster is actually green?!”
Disoriented, Kris jolted awake, choking on the water in their lungs as they desperately coughed it out.
The shout sounded grating, like the times they had heard their own voice on video.
Kris opened their eyes to find the familiar face of the one they had been holding in their embrace.
“Kris?” Noelle spoke as they saw another figure floating in the lake beside them.
Huh…?