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The instructions were simple. Not easy to follow, but simple.
Once finished on set for the day Sun was to return to Jay’s, prepare himself for Jay, and wait. He’d done it all, down to the very last detail. And now, he waits.
He’s not sure how long he’s been kneeling by the door. Long enough for his legs to have fallen asleep. Long enough to consider tugging the blindfold off his eyes hundreds of times.
But something – that something deep in his core keeps him knelt there. Even through the pain and the boredom. It isn’t just that he wants to obey Jay. He wants Jay to be pleased with what he finds when he walks through that door – whenever that will be.
He flexes his hands again, rolling his shoulders as much as he can. The soft cuffs don’t hurt and he’s reasonably sure he could get them off himself if he needed to, but they’re very limiting. As Jay intended, he’s sure. Struggling with them wasn’t the hardest part though.
Inserting a plug for the first time after stretching himself open; that was a challenge. Though, part of him was glad Jay wasn’t here for it. He can only imagine the heat on his face showed, and he’d fumbled with the bottle of lube and plug more than once.
His face heats again now thinking of it. He’d wanted to give up then – but he pushed through. For Jay.
Waiting was easy enough in comparison.
Some time later, the door finally opens. There’s a beat of silence as Jay, presumably, stands in the doorway and looks at him. The door clicks closed. Jay’s feet cross closer. Then, there’s a longer press of silence.
Sun resists the urge to squirm. Still saying nothing, Jay moves further into the room. Slowly, the other man circles Sun. Sun’s lips press together then, as he wills himself to stay silent and still. He’s done things much, much harder than this – even if he has to remind himself of that fact.
“Did you follow my instructions?” Jay finally asks. His tone could be disinterested, but Sun thinks it misses the mark he was aiming for. Hopes, maybe.
He dips his chin in response, cheeks heating again as he admits, “Yes.”
Jay stops in front of him again, closer this time. “You didn’t have to dress again,” he points out.
Sun’s teeth sink into his bottom lip, resisting the urge to apologize now. He could say something about Jay being more specific next time, if that was what he wanted, but he chooses silence instead.
“Did I keep you waiting too long?” Jay asks then, teasing now.
Resisting the strange urge to smile, Sun shakes his head quickly.
Finally, finally, Jay touches him. His hand lands softly in Sun’s hair, fingertips threading through before pulling.
As he’s slowly getting used to, Sun follows where he leads. He finds his cheek pressed safely to Jay’s thigh for a smattering of seconds before Jay tugs his head back.
The blindfold frustrates him again. Perhaps the most it has so far. He finds himself wishing he could see Jay’s expression. He didn’t realize until now how much he depended on Jay to ground him.
But that could be the point of this. Knowing Jay, he’d planned every detail for a reason.
Jay’s thumb grazes his bottom lip before pressing down. It sends a sharp pulse of arousal through Sun’s body. But Jay doesn’t push his thumb inside. He tightens his hand in Sun’s hair, holding him in place and keeping his thumb stubbornly still against Sun’s lip.
Sun lets his mouth fall open, wishing fiercely again that he could see Jay.
“Do you want something?” Jay’s voice is low, teasing again.
Sun did. He always did, where Jay was concerned. But he didn’t know how to put the want into words. Carefully, he lets the tip of his tongue press against Jay’s thumb. For a second, he tastes the salt of Jay’s skin – then his thumb disappears. Sun tries and fails to chase, getting a burning scalp for his trouble.
“Do you want something?” Jay asks again, giving Sun’s head a little shake in the ensuing silence.
I want to suck you, Sun thinks. I want you in my mouth – in my throat. I want you to use me. The same way you want to use me.
But his face burns. His lips remain stubbornly still. Part of him wonders if it will ever get easier.
Jay’s grip on his hair eases, then falls away totally. “Should I leave you here until you’re ready?”
Sun presses harder against his thigh, tempted to bite but far too terrified Jay really will leave.
It’s the fact that Jay knows what he wants. Jay wants the same damn thing. There’s only one reason to have someone kneeling by the door for him when he gets home. And that means there’s no point in torturing Sun like this. In making him say the words out loud. The same words that won’t come out.
Jay steps back, sighing from too far above him and Sun wavers dangerously before managing to throw his shoulders back and resettle on his knees.
Despite his best efforts a small whine slips out. His face flames even hotter and he bites down on his bottom lip hard enough for pain to spark.
A beat of burning, embarrassed quiet. Then - “Ask for what you want,” Jay’s firmer – more commanding.
Sun swallows. Jay doesn’t threaten idly, he knows. There’s a chance if he doesn’t force the words out somehow Jay will leave him here the rest of the night.
What will he do then? Wait for Jay to go to sleep before removing all of the bindings himself and sleeping on the couch? Slink back to his place with his tail between his legs?
He doesn’t want that but more than that – he doesn’t think he’d be able to do it.
Not now that he knows what it’s like waking up in Jay’s bed. Getting kisses dropped on random parts of his body with the heat of Jay behind or over him.
He opens his mouth, drags his tongue across his lips, and forces out a quick breath. “I-I want,” the words are quiet, tremulous, and the sentence dies there. He squeezes his eyes shut, hands curled into fists at the small of his back. “I want to use my mouth. On you.”
Jay returns to him. His thigh a warm, safe support once more. His hand dips into Sun’s hair, threading through the strands gently. “Is that all?”
Something like a laugh passes through Sun’s lips. “For now.”
An approving hum comes from above him. “And what’s your plan?”
Sun stills against Jay’s thigh, only then realizing he’d slowly been rubbing his cheek against it. Blindfolded with his hands behind his back there’s not a lot he can do here. Slowly, he pushes onto his knees and stretches his body up. Carefully, he edges closer to his target. Up over the bulge that’s making his mouth water up to – his nose bumps into cool metal.
Disappointment rushes through him and he sags back down, feeling his lips twist in a pout. He could maybe handle a clasp and a zipper with enough determination – but a belt buckle?
But Jay had put thought into this. So...there was every chance this was a test. A way to make Sun keep asking for what he wanted.
Sun takes a deep breath and straightens his shoulders. He lets himself stall one more second before he opens his mouth again. “Can you help me?” The words spill out in a clumsy lump but they’re out.
Jay strokes through his hair a few more times before, “You don’t want me to keep it in anymore?”
“No,” Sun tells him. He probably should be more annoyed with the way Jay’s toying with him, but his mouth is still watering and all he can think about is Jay’s dick. “Take it out.” He only hesitates a moment before adding, “Please.”
“Please?” Jay echoes.
“Yes,” Sun whines, “please.”
Jay’s hand slips away and Sun thinks about biting him again – but then there’s the sound of a belt opening and relief hits him so intensely he feels dizzy with it. He leans back into Jay, pressing kisses to his thigh and then his hands.
Jay pushes him back with a few fingertips to his forehead and Sun thinks about accepting that until he hears a zipper rasp down. He leans in again, getting a somewhat gentle slap on the cheek to warn him off.
Wary of pushing Jay too far, Sun straightens again. He opens and releases his hands several times, willing his heart to slow down as he does. The closer he gets to what he wants the more his stomach twists in a sudden surge of anxiousness.
He’s still not used to this. It’s been years – The last time he was used to doing this – But he can’t think about that now. Not here. Not with Jay.
Jay’s hand finds its way to the top of his head again, slipping to the back and pulling him forward. As if he could sense Sun drifting away. Maybe he could.
“Open,” he says, still guiding Sun forward.
Sun’s jaw snaps open without thought. Saliva floods the back of his tongue and he doesn’t think he’s ever wanted a dick in his mouth this much.
The head of Jay’s dick presses over his lips and into his mouth, covered in cool latex. Sun moans, hit with immediate relief and disappointment. Still, he closes his lips and sucks, willing Jay deeper even as his eyes start burning in that telltale way.
Jay’s hand fists in the hair at the back of his head, pulling him back off. Again, Sun doesn’t think. He strains forward and sticks his tongue out. He must look ridiculous but a part of him thrills at the thought. He’ll look ridiculous for Jay. He thinks maybe he’d do anything –
“Beautiful.” The single word, breathed quietly, sends an unmistakable thrill through him. He shoves his body forward again.
After a moment of strain, Jay relents. His hand loosens and his dick returns to Sun’s mouth. He presses deeper than before, nearing Sun’s throat as he groans quietly. He eases back before Sun can gag. The hand in Sun’s hair moves to stroke along his jaw.
“More?”
Fuck yes. “More,” Sun agrees. Then, for good measure, “Please.”
For the first time in his life, he thinks begging is easy.
Jay presses in again, slow but overwhelming. The head of his dick slides back to Sun’s throat and then further.
For a second, Sun thinks it will be fine. Then, his throat constricts and he jerks back as he gags. Drool escapes his lips as he pulls off.
He doesn’t have more than a second to dip his chin in embarrassment before Jay is guiding him up and pressing back in.
Overwhelmed in the best way, Sun does the best he can to suck until his throat closes again.
This time, Jay doesn’t let him escape. He grips the back of Sun’s neck, pulling him further forward.
Sun gags twice more in rapid succession, tears spilling down his cheeks as he tries and fails to relax his throat. For some dizzying seconds, Jay holds him there seemingly ignoring his struggle. Finally, his grip eases and Sun pulls off, panting as more drool escapes.
“More?”
Sun nods before swallowing reflexively. He’s not sure how much he can take but he still wants to try.
Jay squeezes the back of his neck before pushing in again. Sun works to open his jaw and relax, balanced precariously between Jay’s dick and his hand.
Sun loses himself to it. There are flutters of awareness between the smear of fluids on his face and the number of times Jay has to pull back because he’s gagging again. But there’s something about the struggle. Something about how bad he wants it.
When Jay’s dick finally slides into his throat and keeps going, Sun thinks his eyes will roll into the back of his head with the sheer pleasure of it. He gags but keeps breathing through his nose, refusing to move.
Above him, Jay swears. His hand squeezes Sun’s throat carefully and in that moment Sun feels held. He feels pinned with both of Jay’s hands on his neck and his dick filling his throat. Something deep in him releases and in a slow, drifting way he realizes the blindfold is soaked in his tears.
There’s something about the way that Jay fucks him. Almost like he’s carving a place for himself to live inside of Sun. It feels all encompassing for moments that stretch before they slip away.
Achingly slow, Jay draws out of his mouth totally. He pants above Sun, giving his throat another squeeze. “More?”
Distantly, Sun wonders what more there could be. Then, he nods.
Nothing happens for a few seconds. Jay’s hand slips off his throat but his other stays on the back of his neck, still keeping Sun somewhat grounded even as he feels like he could float into the air above them.
Then, with no warning – the plug in him starts humming. With very little concern for him at all, it starts vibrating harder. The sound that escapes Sun’s lips is maybe the closest he’s ever come to wailing.
Jay waits for a few seconds, maybe just watching the pained pleasure roll through Sun’s body in waves. Seemingly satisfied with whatever he sees, he pushes Sun back down on his dick.
Time goes sideways on him. His mind goes fuzzy in a terrifying but exhilarating way. Sun wonders if he’s even doing a good job at this point, if he can even make Jay come like this. But Jay doesn’t seem to mind. He’s still guiding Sun where he wants him, groaning nearly each time he thrusts back inside.
The plug inside him changes intensity again. Short, sharp vibrations rock through him. His gasp is choked off but his body moves instinctively. He shifts his weight and pushes the base of the plug against his heel, grinding against it the best he can.
Jay yanks his hair, pulling him back up and drawing a whine out of him. “None of that,” Jay pants. He brushes his fingers across Sun’s, no doubt swollen, lips before cruelly adding, “Sit up properly.”
“But-” Sun tries, immediately muffled by Jay’s dick.
“What was that?” Jay asks, laughing shallowly. He doesn’t give Sun a chance to answer, fucking his mouth in short thrusts as both hands tighten on the back of his head.
Quickly overwhelmed, Sun gives up trying to speak. His hips circle against nothing in a desperate search for friction. He wonders if he can come like this, half terrified of the prospect. He feels close to slipping away again – a way he’s only ever felt with Jay.
Jay buries himself in Sun’s throat again, the shock of it enough to pull Sun back from whatever edge he’d been riding. A long low groan from Jay above him and Sun hates the condom between them, he hates it. After a few seconds during which Sun desperately fights the urge to gag, Jay pulls out.
Sun can hardly think. He’s so hard it hurts and the buzzing from the plug is a few seconds from driving him insane. When Jay hauls him up, he goes limply – though his hips are still shifting as if they can make something happen themselves.
Jay drops down onto something, bringing Sun with him. He rearranges Sun quickly, settling him on his thigh. “Go ahead,” he tells Sun. One hand skates up under his shirt, groping his chest while he other slips down the front of his jeans. He grips Sun loosely – still seemingly waiting for something. Pointedly, he lifts his thigh and drops it again.
As much as Sun wants to sag bonelessly against Jay, that’s not what Jay wants. Sun shifts his weight, moaning as the plug presses more directly against his prostate. He has to think for several seconds to get his feet planted on the floor.
It should be easy – maybe it would have been when this all started, but it takes real effort to ride Jay’s thigh. Broken noises keep escaping him as he ricochets between pleasure and the pain of overstimulation.
Jay apparently takes pity on him, gripping tighter and stroking Sun’s dick. His mouth finds the side of Sun’s neck and he sucks hard. His teeth scrape the damp skin before moving up and closing over his ear.
Sense memory takes over. Flickers of that night replay behind his closed eyelids as he cries out again. Jay yanking him into that darkened room – kissing him against the door. Tugging him into his lap and bullying his way into Sun’s borrowed suit. Pleasure pulls his entire body taut and Sun sobs with the sharp relief of orgasm. He’s helpless to it, lost in the tide of it, gasping for air for long moments as his muscles slowly release.
Gently, Jay’s hand eases out of his pants. The plug turns off, earning another soft cry from Sun. He can feel wetness all down his face – onto his neck. He’s still gasping quietly to try and catch his breath. The cuffs on his wrists loosen and fall away. Next, Jay removes the blindfold.
Sun doesn’t dare open his eyes, half scared of the light and half scared to look at Jay. Instead, he keeps them closed as he clumsily turns in Jay’s lap and curls into his chest. He grips Jay’s shirt tight and lets himself cry.
.:.
He comes back in the tub, warm and curled against Jay’s chest again. Jay is drawing gentle circles on his arm and as Sun shifts, Jay presses a kiss to the side of his head.
“Too much?”
Exhausted and maybe unable to form words, Sun nods against him. He struggles to raise his arms, wrapping them around Jay’s neck and squeezing. Talking might be out of the question right now but he doesn’t want the other man to worry.
It was too much – but Sun thinks maybe he likes too much. If he likes crying during sex and he likes pain during sex, that seems like a natural enough conclusion.
“Are you hungry?” Jay asks next.
Sun thinks for a moment before shaking his head.
“Do you want to get out?”
Another shake of his head.
Jay seems to accept this, resuming his slow circles on Sun’s skin.
.:.
It’s only later, after they’ve eaten and climbed into bed together that Sun feels like he can talk about it. Like maybe he needs to talk about it.
“I didn’t like not seeing you,” he tells the darkened room.
Jay stretches to turn the lamp back on, turning onto his side and regarding Sun with a slight frown. “I didn’t like it either,” he admits.
“And I don’t want a condom next time,” Sun plows ahead, staring at the ceiling again. “I wanted to taste you.”
Jay tugs him closer, slipping a leg between his and curling around him. “Okay,” he says.
Somewhere between suspicious and surprised, Sun darts a look at him and then away again. “Just like that?”
“That’s what I want too.” Jay squeezes him as he says it, pressing another kiss to Sun’s head.
“You don’t...anyone else?” Sun fumbles out the words, face heating again.
“No.”
“And you know I don’t,” Sun surmises.
Jay nods his agreement, looking quite pleased with the situation.
“Are those your only complaints?” he asks after another moment, watching Sun intently.
“Maybe,” Sun stalls, embarrassment creeping up again.
“Use your words.”
When Sun doesn’t answer quickly enough, Jay dips to bite his shoulder. The pressure of his teeth slowly increases until Sun jerks away.
“Yes,” he admits. “Everything else was…”
“Acceptable?”
“Acceptable,” Sun agrees, relieved.
“I’ll strive to continue being acceptable then,” Jay promises.
Part of Sun wants to shove Jay off of him, a knee jerk reaction that he thinks might stick around for a while. In the same moment, he catches himself smiling at the man tangled around him.
Jay gathers him even closer, kissing him slow and sweet for long drugging moments. After a few minutes, he draws back to point out, “You’re crying again.”
So he was.