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Carter went to college and Ox found a rare weekend to go visit him. Kelly and Joe wanted to go, but they had homework and Elizabeth had put her foot down.
Carter was okay with that, they’d have plenty of fun without them.
He showed Ox the dorm room he had gotten all to himself along with some of the friends he had made, but Ox didn’t seem to be taking much of it in and just seemed to be happy being with Carter again, he felt the same.
It had been weeks since they last saw each other and admittedly Carter was feeling lonely even if he was far from being alone, he was quite popular here making friends and catching longing eyes wherever he went and yet, even the nights he had a girl over or the days he spent hanging out with his buddies, Carter wasn’t ever truly happy, sure he thought that some things were cool or he would laugh when hearing a good joke, but he was never happy, always yearning for connection he could never find with anyone other than his pack, the pack who he was so fucking far away from, the pack he would come up with excuses to message just so he could imagine their voices when reading their texts, always texts and nearly never calls because if he was to hear their voices, but not their hearts, not the flicking of pages coming from Kelly’s latest boring book, his mother’s paintbrush gliding against a canvas, Joe’s controller buttons while he played yet another unfinished run of Skyrim, Mark’s hands tightly gripping his stone wolf whenever he felt blueblueblue, his father’s hands brushing against tree bark when they were all together in the clearing, and the way Ox would flick his fingers during Sunday dinner. If he was to hear only one without the other it would drive him crazy, but Ox was here now! And Carter didn’t need to feel alone anymore because it was Ox and he was great and funny and smelled like home because that was what he was to Carter, that’s what all of them were to him and that just made him so happy to rest his head on Ox’s legs as they laid on his dorm room floor until the sun went down.
Carter needed to do something with this energy, he felt more alive than he had for a while now and he wasn’t going to waste this feeling, he was going to make sure that Ox had one of the best fucking night’s of his life so that maybe he’d want to come to visit more often because maybe Carter didn’t think he was worth enough to make the journey over more than every once in a while, maybe he felt like he had to bring something to the table so that someone who actually gave a shit about him would sit down and stay rather than leaving in the morning and never speak to him again outside of class projects or the occasional party. So what did Carter decide to do with this energy? He took Ox to the club.
The music was loud, like really fucking loud and Ox was clearly getting a bit distressed and come to think about it, a club probably wasn’t the best place to bring the almost definitely autistic man especially on a weekend, but it had been such a long time since Jessie and Ox had been together, but he didn’t seem to be moving on, no girlfriends or hook ups, it had been about a month since he came out as Bisexual to his mother and the pack, but even then he hadn’t been with any guys either, if Ox had without telling him then Carter definitely would have heard about Joe’s tantrum by now. Maybe he wasn’t thinking straight, but Carter thought that maybe if Ox met someone here then perhaps, he’d feel more confident in himself after getting some experience under his belt... and someone else down there too.
Glancing at Ox stood in the corner Carter decided to help ease his nerves... by fetching them both a shot of tequila sunrise,
“Here.” Carter said, as he handed the glass to the man and clinked them together before downing it, savouring the fruity burn in his throat to which Ox did the same a second later with a bit more of a grimace, but he drank it without complaint... and without asking what was actually in the drink, hopefully Ox won’t make a habit out of that.
After a bit of time in the corner speaking with Carter, Ox seemed to wind down a bit, granted he still looked tense and this corner action wasn’t exactly what Carter had planned, but it was a step in the right direction. Now he just had to get Ox looking in the right direction and they’d be getting somewhere, Carter surveyed the dance floor until his gaze landed on something quite intriguing. A set of pretty green eyes, a wicked smile with a hint of teeth and a mesh crop top that exposed much of his pale skin to the world, Carter licked his lips... because they were dry, no other reason.
Carter said, “Look over there.”
“Hmm?” Ox hummed as he looked around eventually finding who Carter was referring to.
“He’s quite pretty, isn’t he?”
Ox hesitated for a second, “Yeah, I guess. Why do you ask-”
“HEY.” Carter yelled as he began walking over to the guy ignoring Ox’s embarrassed grumbles.
After a moment the man turned to him and Carter said, “Hey, how’re you doing?”
The pale guy looked him up and down before saying, “Sorry, I’m flattered, but you’re not my type.”
“That’s not- wait what? How am I not you’re- whatever, I didn’t come over to ask you out bro.”
“Oh, my bad,” the guy said, “Then why are you here? No offense.”
“Only some taken. Anyway my friend over there thinks you’re quite beautiful, but he’s a bit shy.”
“Really now? Who’s this friend of yours?”
Carter pointed over at Ox who was now covering his eyes with his free hand as if it somehow made him invisible.
Carter specified, “The big guy.”
“Oh, like big or... big?”
Carter thought it over for a second before answering, “Yes.”
The man smirked before saying, “Well I think I’ll go say hi.”
“Yeah, go for it man.”
“By the way, I think it’s really sweet that you hyped up your friend after getting rejected.”
“Wha- I wasn’t going to ask you out, I’m straight!”
The guy snickered before saying, “Sure sweetheart.”
And he walked away from Carter to greet the still flushed Ox.
“Fucking twink.” Carter muttered under his breath as he watched the two talk from afar.
A moment later the green eyed twink was leading Ox by the hand toward the dance floor while Ox continued to wear that adorable fucking grin of his that made Carter’s chest feel warm or maybe it was just the heat of hundreds of sweaty ass drunk people huddled together in a club. Carter kept his distance, but watched intently as Ox’s hands found their way to the twink’s hips as they pressed against Ox’s and-
“Hey handsome.”
Carter turned to find a lady with a blonde ponytail and two drinks in hand, Carter said, “Hey, how’re you doing?”
“I’m good, very good thanks. How about you? What’s someone as good looking as you doing on your own?”
“Eh, just being a wingman for a friend of mine.” Carter nodded over to Ox and his new ‘friend’. Carter had to suppress the growl rising in his throat as he watched them, he felt a pang of something bitter watching the two of them together, seeing Ox’s hands fall lower and-
“Oh my god, that’s so sweet of you. I have so many gay friends so I think that’s really cool.”
Carter raised a brow, “Okay?”
The two stared at each other for a moment before panic sparked in him, “I’m not gay!”
The woman giggled, “If I thought you were then I wouldn’t have come over, let alone with drinks.”
She held out the glass of amber liquid to Carter and he took it, “Oh, thank you then.”
“Come on, let’s have a seat.” Carter hesitated, his gaze fixed on the tongue grazing Ox’s neck. “He’ll be fine Hun, they’re just having some fun. We could do the same?”
A moment passed before Carter nodded and followed the lady to some nearby seats while still making sure to keep Ox within his field of vision, he sat at the end of the seat and the lady scooted a little closer until their shoulders were brushing.
She asked, “So, what’s your name?”
“Carter, what about you?”
“Mandy.”
Of course it is.
“It’s lovely to meet you, Mandy.”
“You too. So tell me Carter, what brings you and your friend here?”
Carter thought it over for a second, “What else brings someone to a club, fun I guess and to get my friend laid.”
Mandy chuckled, “And not yourself?”
Carter cleared his throat, “It wasn’t on my mind until...”
“Now?” Mandy leaned closer, placing her hand on his leg.
“Yeah.” Carter debated taking a sip of this stranger's drink, but decided fuck it because if there was something in there then his wolf would nullify it anyway.
He nearly choked mid sip when he felt warm lips brush against his ear when Mandy whispered, “We could go somewhere more private if you want?”
“Uh, sure?” Carter mumbled as her lips found their way to his neck planting kisses against it.
Fuck, why wasn’t this doing anything for him? At literally any other point in time Carter would be brushing his fingers through her hair and rocking his hips against her body, but for last month maybe a bit longer things have been so fucking weird. Carter had been no stranger to sex with random hotties however anytime he’s gotten far with someone recently he’s never been able to... get it up, even jerking off has been a pain in the fucking ass, except for when... no, fuck! Stop fucking thinking about that, it was just a kiss, a stupid fucking meaningless kiss, a joke if anything so why was it constantly on his mind? When he was talking to his bros about the cute girls sat across the bar, when he was alone in his room at night, one hand slipping under his boxers while the other held up his phone playing a video of some fake ass porn of some blonde bimbo getting her mouth filled and yet... it was just them, it was just them that day in Carter’s car when Ox told Carter that he hadn’t kissed a guy yet so Carter “popped his gay cherry” by locking his lips with Ox’s for a moment and pulling away, it was funny... it was hot. Before he knew it, the phone was lying flat on his bare chest while his right hand stroked his cock up and down finally finding a spine-tingling rhythm as he pressed the back of his left hand to his mouth while Carter imagined what it would’ve been like if he didn’t pull away, if he had slipped his tongue across those rough lips and a second later into Ox’s mouth, would Ox battle Carter for control? Or would he let Carter take the lead? What would he taste like? Maybe it would be sweet as candy like Joe says Ox smells like, or maybe it would be bitter and salty like cheap beer and days of working in the hot sun at Gordo’s garage. Fuck this wasn’t enough, he needed more, Carter picked his phone back up clicking off the porn video and heading to his gallery, Carter swiped until he found his summer photos, the photos of him and Ox, shirtless and hot and sweaty with their arms around each other with bright smiles and now Carter’s boxers were on the floor and he was pumping his dick while eye-fucking Ox’s sweat slick chest, then his strong arms, then his tasty hips and his fucking scrumptious collarbone that would look so much better with his bite mark on it, the skin there looked so much softer than the rest of his body, a reminder of the gentle giant that laid within the exterior of that hardened man, would Ox let Carter touch him? Feel him? Fuck him? What would he feel like around Carter’s member? Would it be similar to a woman or completely different? Would he like it more than a woman? Would Ox like him more too? Would-
“Fuck.” Carter grunted, his phone falling onto the bed.
Slick with pre, his foreskin covering and uncovering his member as the back of Carter’s head pressed heavily into his pillow and Carter surprised himself as groans, moans even, left his mouth as his brain swam in ecstasy and delusion, usually Carter was quiet in the bedroom excluding his heavy breathing, but now, with Ox everything felt so- fuck it, fuck his neighbours, and fuck the bitch ass RA who’ll probably be at his door tomorrow, Carter let every noise and whimper pour out of his mouth as his bed rocked and finally his jaw clamped shut on Ox’s beautiful fucking neck, teeth digging deep with the intention of marking, Carter’s body spasmed and something thick and warm splattered onto his stomach all the way up to his chin, leaving him with lidded eyes and ringing ears as he slowly came down from his high eventually opening his eyes and opening his jaw that was clamped painfully tight onto his forearm which pulsed with pain, when his teeth- fangs withdrew with some resistance, blood began trickling down his arm and onto his chest mixing with his white cum.
“Shit...” Carter whined as clarity began to settle over him, “SHIT!”
It sunk in what he had just done, and who he had just done it to, his breathing grew heavier as Carter rolled onto his side pulling his pillow over his head.
“I’m not gay, I’m not, this is just- it’s just a one time thing, I’m just tired and not thinking right.”
That’s what he had said the last time.
“I’m not fucking gay, I’m straight, I like tits and ass-“
Like Ox’s?
“I like women! I’m not fucking... I’m not.”
Tears began swelling in his eyes while his arm pulsed with pain almost in sync with his pounding heart, his throat was dry as he croaked out, “I’m... not.”
Carter folded a leg over his lap trying to hide his stubborn boner as Mandy withdrew from his neck and reaching over to the table to take another sip from her drink.
She snickered to herself as her gaze went lower, “There he is.”
Carter tried to stifle his uncomfortableness and smiled at her before moving his gaze over to the dance floor where Ox- huh? Carter looked around amongst the crowd not finding any trace of Ox or the guy he was with.
“Shit.” Carter mumbled, standing up and beginning to walk away.
“Wait, where are you going?” Mandy asked.
“I’m just gonna find my friend real quick.”
“Okay.”
Carter stepped into the crowd trying to focus his smell and hearing to find Ox, but the entire fucking place smelt like shitty booze and unbelievably horny people, he couldn’t hear a fucking thing over this music that sent waves through his chest and made him wince each time he tried to focus on Ox’s voice. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! Not again, please moon not again, Carter’s search became more erratic as he actively shoved past multiple people ignoring their yells until some prick tried to square up to which Carter flashed his orange eyes and saying, “I’ll tear your spinal cord through your throat, and lick it clean of the viscera if you don’t get the FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!” Which got the guy to back down really quickly leaving Carter to continue his search.
“No. No. No. No. NO!” Carter’s breathing grew erratic and his chest began to painfully ache, it was Joe all over again. He left him alone for a minute... maybe a bit longer, but surely, he couldn’t have gotten that far... right? FUCK, CARTER FUCK, HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HIM AND YOU JUST FUCKING ABANDONED HIM, JUST LIKE JOE, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
Carter swayed out of the crowd and to a nearby wall which he pressed his trembling hands against in a pathetic attempt to steady himself over the waves of acidic nausea and his racing heart, he couldn’t tell if he was wolfing out or having a goddamn heart attack. Christ his chest hurt, Carter lowered himself to the floor pressing his back against the wall and closed his eyes covering them with his hands as hauntingly familiar voices echoed through the sound of blood pumping in his ears, he heard it all again, his dad yelling, Elizabeth crying her eyes out, Kelly and Mark outside yelling Joe’s name hoping that he wasn’t really gone and just deep in the forest. Why was he so fucking selfish? Why was he such a fucking lowlife? Trading his own fucking brother for some lame friends and beating his shit raw to his best friend? He was nothing. Less than nothing. He was sick. A fucking parasite to everyone who made the mistake of trusting him. Maybe it should’ve been him. Joe was just a little boy. A kid who just wanted to play with his piece of shit brother. Carter was a prick. If anyone deserved to be in Joe’s position with Richard, it was Carter. He- Carter winced at the painful pin prickles sparking across his scalp as something reached out to him, something worried and loving, something that said brothersonfriendpack and you’renotalone and I’mhere and cometomefriend. Carter grabbed onto the pack bonds letting their waves of concern and care wash over him as he reached for Ox’s bond, he was okay! Ox was okay, a bit blue, but calm and waiting for Carter to come find him. Now reassured Carter focused his attention on his breathing just like the college counsellor had taught him, he needed to calm down, Ox was fine, he was just... what was the word Maxine used? Catastrophizing again, Ox was an adult who could take care of himself. Carter couldn’t have possibly known that Richard was going to take Joe, everyone trusted that bastard Collins, no one expected it... Carter just had to keep telling himself that and maybe one day he would truly believe it, truly forgive himself... hopefully, this guilt has been killing him for so long.
Once his heartbeat had eased and he could finally breath properly, Carter opened his eyes which took a moment to adjust to the flashing club lights, but once they did he realised that he was curled up in a ball on the floor with a few torn tufts of his hair in his clenched fists and a lingering pain spread across his scalp.
“Fucking hell, this shit again.” Carter grumbled as he got to his feet trying to ignore the overwhelming sense of embarrassment that enveloped him, at least no one seemed to be paying enough attention to see... or no one cared enough to get involved.
Whatever the case, Carter had to find Ox and get the fuck out of this shithole. Think Carter, think! Ox was with that guy on the dance floor before going somewhere else together, Ox wouldn’t have left without letting Carter know so they had to be in the club somewhere and if Carter’s wingman skills had done the trick which, of course they did, then Ox probably went somewhere more private to blow that twink’s back out, the thought alone made Carter’s stomach scrunch up into knots, but he tried to ignore it. It was in that moment a thought occurred to him, the toilet room, all those dingy filthy stalls, the most likely place a guy would receive a blowie... not that Carter would know. It took him a few minutes, but eventually he made it through the crowd and he came face to face with Ox leaning against the wall near to the toilet room door, his arms were crossed and he felt blue.
Walking up to him, Carter said, “You good?”
Ox responded, “I’m okay.
Didn’t sound like it.
“What about you? You look-”
“Like shit?”
“...yeah.”
Carter snickered, “I’ve been better.”
“You get into a fight or something?”
“No, just... stressed I guess.” Carter knew Ox would be the last person to judge him for something like this, but the thought of admitting how he had been lately, the panic attacks, the insomnia, even eating consistently had become difficult, everything had become so exhausting and he was too embarrassed to speak about it.
Carter said, “Seriously though, you don’t seem alright.”
Ox sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it right now, I just want to go if that’s alright with you?”
Concern panged in Carter’s chest as he asked, “Was it consensual?”
“Jesus Carter, just drop it.”
“Okay, sorry.” Carter said hesitantly.
Side by side, they both left the sweltering club getting into Carter’s car and driving back to his dorm. The drive was unbearably quiet and each of Carter’s attempts to start a conversation were met with lacklustre answers causing his mind to go on auto drive trying to figure out what had happened while Ox was out of his sight, how long had they even been separated anyway? Where did that fuckass twink even go? What did he do to Ox!? Anger was rapidly building inside Carter and he was struggling to keep his claws from popping out and damaging the steering wheel, Ox on the other hand seemed to be somewhere else entirely as he rested his head on his hand staring straight ahead. Fuck. So much for having fun, way to go Carter! You couldn’t get it up for a hot girl, had another panic attack and probably got your best friend molested... Gordo was so going to fucking kill him, and that’s if Maggie didn’t rock his shit first.
They parked close to the dorms and headed inside, Carter’s room was on the third floor so the walk up consisted of Ox zoning out and Carter growing increasingly more frustrated with himself for not being able to come up with anything to say that could ease the deep blue swirling around Ox’s bond. Upon entering Carter’s room, Ox immediately threw himself onto the bed face planting into one of the pillows and remained that way for a few moments showing no intention of stopping so Carter was a little worried... very worried.
Carter said, “Seriously, Ox. What happened? What did that little prick do? I swear I’ll beat his scrawny little ass.”
Voice slightly muffled, Ox said, “Please don’t. He didn’t do anything.”
“Then what happened? Ox, you don’t look okay and I need to know what happened, I need to know how I can help!”
Ox turned onto his back to meet Carter’s gaze, “Carter just drop it! I told you it’s not important.”
“If it’s got you feeling like this then clearly it is!”
Ox grabbed a pillow from the bed and covered his face with it no longer responding to Carter’s attempts to discuss whatever was troubling him, so Carter stomped over and tore the pillow from Ox’s grasp throwing it onto the floor.
“Ox it’s important because you’re important, whatever happened is my fault, because I left you on your own like a selfish prick!”
“Carter.” Ox murmured.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you on your own. I should’ve just-”
“Carter!”
Carter froze when Ox yelled and sat up locking eyes with him, he was still frozen when Ox patted the space next to him on the bed prompting Carter to sit, Carter hesitantly did.
Ox said, “Nothing happened Carter.”
“But-”
Ox’s hand grabbed Carter’s shoulder making Carter pause, his grip wasn’t harsh or painful, just careful, grounding even.
“When you left, me and Eric,” Carter took note of the name for... future reference, “We danced for a bit and talked, and talking turned to touching and... he led me to a stall and got onto his knees.”
It felt like Carter had a pill in his throat when he said, “And he sucked you off?”
“No,” an inexplicable sense of relief flooded over Carter, “He wanted to, I also wanted him to, but... I told him that I couldn’t.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s dumb.”
“I doubt that.”
“Still, you sure you want to know?”
“Yes!” Carter winced at how eagerly he answered, “I mean yes, I want to know what’s bothering you, why you wouldn’t accept some free head from an okay looking twink.”
Ox laughed dryly, “Well I’m sure you already know that I'm not a virgin.”
“It was kind of hard not to notice Jessie's smell on... you.”
“Oh god, could the whole pack smell it.”
Carter nodded causing Ox to cover his face with a groan.
“Of course,” Ox sighed, a warm blush settled across his cheeks.
“Despite how adorable you look while blushing, I don’t understand what that has to do with this.”
“Right, sorry.”
“Don’t be, take as long as you need.”
“Thanks. So obviously I’m not a virgin when it comes to girls, but guys are... a different story.”
“Other than me popping your gay kiss cherry.”
Ox smirked, “If I didn’t know any better I would have thought you were trying to pop another kind of cherry.”
Carter’s lips curved up slyly as the thought sent a shiver down his spine, “Well I do like cherries.”
The two of them laughed, Ox clearly took it as a joke, some banter, not at all a confession of the pleasure Carter yearned to taste despite the fact his mind kept telling him to stop because he was straight, that these feelings of his were simply admiration taken too far rather than the other possibility, the other truth Carter refused to believe even now.
Ox said, “I don’t expect you to fully understand this, but please just let me speak.”
“Okay, I’m all ears.”
“I’ve never had sex with a guy, I’ve thought about it and I’ve... researched it.”
“And now you want to?”
“I would like to have that at some point, sex, with a man.”
“That does tend to come with being a Bisexual.”
Ox rolled his eyes, “I would like to... at some point.”
He was clearly dancing around what he really wanted to say, something Ox found embarrassing.
“But?”
“When Eric took me to that stall and started to unbuckle my belt I felt excited, but I also felt... scared.”
“Scared?”
“Yeah, worried that it wouldn’t be good I guess? Or that I would regret it, regret letting my first time with a guy be with some stranger in a fucking nightclub, that my first time would mean nothing to him and everything to me. When Jessie took my virginity I wouldn’t say I regret it, but look at us now! We don’t talk, we don’t see each other or text, and she’s moved on completely seeing all kinds of guys and girls, well mostly girls, but still! She doesn’t so much as think about that anymore, don’t get me wrong I know I wasn’t a good boyfriend-”
Carter cut in trying to be reassuring, “Don’t say that, you weren’t that bad.”
“Carter I was shit, even when we were together in person I was never there mentally, I would ignore her texts whenever Joe wanted to talk about a new game of his or when he was being clingy, I prioritised a ten-year old over her at every turn and she knew I wasn’t going to change. I wasn’t fair to her.”
“Okay that’s... that’s not, fuck,” Carter was stumped, he wanted nothing more than to reassure Ox and tell him he did his best, to tell him that she was the problem, but Carter knew it wasn’t true, Ox wasn’t a wolf, but he knew when he was being lied to, after all he had spent most of his life surrounded by liars and even now Carter was lying to him by pretending to just be his best friend, to pretend that he wasn’t having such wrong fucking feelings and fantasies about him, Carter felt so fucking disgusting.
Ox continued, “I just want my first time with a guy to actually be good, to be special and like all of that fairy-tale bullshit. I want it to be with someone I know! I need it to mean something so badly.”
“Ox,” Carter started.
“I’m so sick of the hook up culture!”
“Ox,” Carter repeated.
“I’m so tired of not belonging to someone, and not having someone belong to me!”
“Ox,” Carter moved closer.
“It has to be-”
It was wrong not to ask, it was wrong to feel this way, it was wrong of Carter to lean over and press his lips to Ox’s. It felt wrong, but when it happened everything was peppermint and pine needles, suddenly they were back in Carter’s car, a moment he had been replaying in his mind again and again ever since, except this time... the wind was howling outside, it’s cold sting failing to reach him as they continued to kiss, a hand caressing his cheek, gentle and unsure. Soon the roaring wind eased blowing away the traces of something as sweet as candy, something that could’ve been that Carter didn’t understand, whatever it was didn’t matter anymore. His tongue grazed Ox’s lips sending a shiver down his spine, Carter felt more alive than he had in a long time, maybe even more than he ever had cause this time was different, he was changing or rather finding something that had always been there, something that Ox had dug up for him in the worst and best of ways.
This timeless moment they found themselves in came to an end a few minutes later when Carter’s brain took back the reigns from his dick and pulled away just enough so he could still feel Ox’s warm breath against his lips, Ox looked... conflicted, and their bond radiated so much green it felt so easy to forget about the blue even if only for a moment.
Carter said, “I’m sorry.”
Ox furrowed his brows, “For what?”
“You were venting and I just-”
“Carter.”
He hesitated, “Yeah?”
Ox smiled, “You’re still a bad kisser.”
The two of them burst out laughing as the tension faded away, the awkward tension to specific, the sexual tension was very much still there.
Carter said, “I’ll have you know there’s many people who like my kissing!”
“And how many of them are guys?”
“Does it matter? A mouth is a mouth.”
“Let’s find out.”
Ox leaned in locking lips with Carter this time taking control and slipping his moist tongue into Carter’s mouth where Carter met Ox with his own, the two let out small groans in between the desperate gasps of air as Carter laid down onto his back resting his head on his pillow and soon he felt Ox’s weight press onto him creating pleasurable friction as they both grinded into each other, their denim jeans rubbing in all the right ways while Carter’s hands slowly slipped under Ox’s shirt, testing the waters at first before grazing his thumb across Ox’s nipple earning him a gasp that made Carter’s frustrated cock pulse in it’s tight prison, seconds later Ox parted from the kiss with a wet sound causing a string of saliva to dangle between their lips until Ox lifted his shirt up and over his head and discarding it onto the floor while Carter watched in anticipation, his eyes taking in every inch of Ox’s tawny skin and defined muscle eventually making their way down Ox’s happy trail stopping at his jeans which looked much more tighter now that their was something stiff trying to push it’s way out.
“Fuck.” Carter breathed.
Ox grinned an almost toothy smile, “See something you like straight boy?”
Carter rolled his eyes, “I don’t suppose it’s too late to say no homo?”
Ox leaned closer so that his hairy stomach was against Carter’s, his body suddenly feeling even warmer, “Aww, but the homo is what makes it fun.”
Carter wanted to deny it, but when Ox’s lips met his neck and his body began to shiver and moans of a much more sultry tone than Carter was used to began leaving his mouth, it became a lot harder to disagree with this handsome autistic stud.
The kisses, the nibbles, the playful licks trailed down from just below his chin to Carter’s jugular making him whine such a sweet sound and a satisfied noise rumbled in Ox's throat and chest enough for Carter to feel the vibrations in his own and question who the real wolf here was.
Christ it was hot. God it was gay. Fuck was it... selfish. This was his little brother’s crush, Kelly’s best friend, Maggie’s son, Gordo’s tether, Carter’s best friend, hell Ox was practically his brother in a sense. This was so fucking wrong and selfish and unfair and, and, and-
As Ox made it to Carter’s collarbone, he pressed his hand against Ox’s chest half heartedly pushing the man away until they were face-to-face once again, this time Ox had concern written all over his face and their bond reflected as much.
Ox said, “Carter, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
Carter stayed silent trying to escape his guilt by looking anywhere other than Ox’s face and his beautiful dark brown eyes.
Ox continued, “All you have to do is say you’ve changed your mind and we can stop, things will probably be a bit awkward for a while, but we’ll get over it and we can continue to just be friends, to be pack.”
Friends wasn’t something Carter could see him and Ox being anymore, he tried, by the moon he tried to ignore this, he tried so hard to pretend his cum soaked fingers and grinding teeth were just a one-off thing, to act like he didn’t check out other guys on campus or in the gym-locker room, to swear he would never look at it again while deleting his latest Google search, to muffle his nightly sobs into his pillow each time his urges got the better of him. Carter couldn’t fucking do this anymore, it was killing him every single painful day to lie to his classmates, to his friends, to his family, to himself. Carter didn’t know why he refused to accept something so frivolous about himself, why he so desperately wanted to tear out this part of himself with his claws and scream at himself for being this way, for being born, for being so fucking selfish, for being Carter, for being... alive.
Ox’s hand moved to Carter’s cheek and his thumb brushed away the tears leaking from his eyes and letting it rest there once Carter was finally looking at him again.
Ox said, “But if you tell me yes, tell me you want this, then we can do this. We can walk side-by-side while we learn new things about ourselves, about each other. I want you to finally feel good about yourself Carter, with or without the sex. You have options Carter, I know you don’t want to believe that, but you do and you deserve to let yourself have them. To let yourself be happy.”
The dam began to crumble as Carter finally said the words he should have said a very, very long time ago, “I-I think... I think I might be Bi.”
“You think?” Ox asked.
“N-no.”
“No?”
“I-I am, I know I a-am.” Carter’s voice croaked and as his regrets came flowing out, so did the tears and shakes that racked his body, and in seconds he was pulled against Ox’s warm chest as the man gently cooed soft reassurances into Carter’s ear at each grief-stricken wail and stuttering breath that left Carter’s broken body while he ugly cried into the safety of Ox’s collarbone.
“I’m s-s-sorry.” Carter’s diaphragm spasmed with every letter leaving him suffocating with each word.
Ox rubbed Carter’s shuddering back with soothing strokes and asked, “For what?”
“For be-being... I-I don’t kn-know.”
A moment of silent understanding passed over Ox and he said, “Don’t you dare be sorry for being you.”
If Carter wasn’t busy convulsing he probably would’ve found Ox’s hallmark movie quote funny.
“If you were any different then I wouldn’t fucking know you. At times you can be so bloody annoying and smug, but I wouldn’t have you any other God damn way. You are so fucking loved Carter, not because of blood or association, but because you are Carter fucking Bennett. A fiercely loyal dickhead with more sex jokes up your sleeve than a Thai prostitute, and a raging boner for neurodivergent hunks.”
A shaky snicker left Carter as he nodded his head with a sniffle.
“Carter Bennett, you have a way with numbers that would leave a mathematician frothing at the mouth and me so utterly confused. Carter Bennett, you have fur as grey as charcoal, and it makes you look like the aftermath of a cleansing fire that’s ready to become something newer, greater, stronger. Carter Bennett, you are an amazing, thoughtful brother who despite your own belief is worthy of his family’s love. Carter Bennett, you carry so many regrets because of how fucking much you care about the those close to you, and that is so endearing of you, but you can’t keep going on like this. It’s time for you to start looking forward and away from the past, you were a kid, a kid who had no conceivable way of knowing better, of knowing what was going to happen. Joe didn’t deserve what happened, none of you did, and you certainly don’t deserve to keep carrying this guilt with you.”
Carter froze, “You... you know?”
Ox sighed, “Joe.”
“Oh.”
“He doesn’t blame you Carter.”
Carter winced, “Ox.”
“He forgives you.”
“Ox.” He whimpered.
“Carter,” His name sounded like honey on Ox’s lips, “I love you, Carter. Because you are mine and I am yours.”
Their bond thrummed with OxCarterFriendBrotherLoveMate again and again until their senses were completely enveloped by peppermint and pine needles all wrapped up in the burning sting of cold air.
Carter’s body eased into Ox’s as his sobbing fit progressively faded into nothing more than red eyes and the occasional hiccup, and once he felt stable enough Carter pulled ever so slightly away so he could carefully press his lips against Ox’s once more, this time it lacked the pent up passion and the animalistic gasping, instead it was something much sweeter, much softer, it was a promise to move forward together, and the hope that when tomorrow’s sun arose they would still be beside one another ready to make this work, no matter what may have once pushed their determination to waiver.
Slowly, the two of them broke the kiss and set their sights on one another.
With his new found hope, Carter said, “I’m still not quite sure what to call this or where it’ll go, but I trust you and care about you more than anyone else to make something of this.”
Ox nodded, “I feel the same.”
“Still, I don’t think I’m ready for...”
Ox smiled and rubbed Carter’s shoulder, “I know, and that’s completely fine. We’ll go at our own pace and figure this out together.”
Exhaustion has been by Carter’s side for most of his college term, sleep had continued to get harder and harder with his tortured thoughts and panic attacks. Carter was struggling to keep himself awake, Ox noticed quite quickly and asked, “Can I hold you? You can say no.”
Carter looked at Ox with a weary, but content grin, “I’d like that.”
Stripping to their boxers, Carter and Ox slid under the cerulean covers finding a comfortable position on their side with their legs and arms entangled like the wires of a pair of Apple earpods. It took a bit longer than they hoped to truly relax while being so close, but after a while Carter heard Ox’s peaceful heartbeats synchronise with his own serving as his newly appointed favourite type of white noise which tenderly guided him out of consciousness and into a dream of a human boy dashing in between trees and hopping over rocks while his wolves playfully nipped at his heels and sang songs of LoveBrotherSonFriendMate.
When the morning arose, Carter was awoken by a gentle hand on his arm slowly shaking him awake, after letting out a groan and groggily rubbing his eyes, Carter shifted so he could look over his shoulder and was met with a surreal sight of Ox, his Ox laid on his side with one arm still under Carter’s neck and definitely numb by now while his other arm was now resting on Carter’s hip again. Ox’s messy dark auburn hair and his toned, hairy body reminded Carter how lucky he felt that Ox liked him back, Christ he sounded like a desperate middle schooler, instead he was a desperate college student which was totally a big improvement.
“Good-” Carter started.
Ox closed the already small gap between them to plant a slow, but loving kiss on Carter’s lips, one that he eagerly returned with his hand caressing Ox’s cheek until they both parted.
“Good morning.” Carter chuckled.
“Morning,” Ox smiled sweetly as Carter turned over and shuffled closer so he could be wrapped in Ox’s arms again.
The two of them stayed like that for a while just existing in the moment and imagining the silliest and sweetest of dreams, but of course as the sun continued to rise outside and others in the dorm were waking up or making their way downstairs, it had to come to an end.
Ox shyly cleared his throat before saying, “I wanted to let you sleep, but it’s about time we got ready.”
“Oh right,” Carter murmured, Ox would be going home in a few hours so he could make it before his Monday shift at Gordo’s, and Carter... would be alone again. Sure they can text and stuff, but it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be early mornings in each other’s arms, it wouldn’t be days of showing Ox around the town while avoiding the clubs this time around, it wouldn’t be nights of passionate kisses and licks that would eventually become warm reassurances, they wouldn’t...
Ox slowly climbed out of the bed and stretched his arms out with an audible click before picking up his discarded jeans and rummaging through the pockets until he pulled out that lame little flip phone that still somehow worked after all this time. Carter moved to the edge of the bed and sat up to watch the valley of Ox’s back which had found itself in a cycle of tensing and relaxing while Ox typed away at something on his phone.
Carter couldn’t take the uncertainty any longer and said, “So, about us...”
Ox looked over his shoulder at Carter waiting for him to continue, “Yeah?”
Taking a deep breath, Carter continued, “I’m not sure what to call this, what’s going on between us.”
“It doesn’t have to have a label if you don’t want it to.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve never been a fan of labels. Too restrictive, so many people act like things can’t just exist as something different, something still growing and changing.”
“I think I’ve been caring a bit too much about that, about what to call myself.”
“You like girls and guys.”
Not a question, not an accusation, just an acknowledgement. It felt pretty damn good to be acknowledged.
“I like you.” Carter said.
“I like you too.”
“I just want to be wanted.”
“I just want to mean something to someone.”
“I want you.”
“I want you too.”
Ox’s phone hand lowered as he stepped closer until Carter had to crane his neck up to meet his powerful eyes.
Carter said, “I don’t want to feel guilty for existing.”
“I don’t want to be left behind again.”
“You smell like peppermint.”
A smirk crept onto Ox’s face, “Sickly sweet?”
“Nah, just sweet.”
Ox’s free hand steadily found it’s way to Carter’s cheek.
“What do I smell like?” Carter asked.
“Like hot garbage.”
Carter snickered, “You’re such a charmer.”
“I can think of a few people who’d disagree.”
“I’m not them.”
“No you’re not. You’re Carter.”
“And you’re Ox.”
“What are we?”
“Something.”
Ox grinned, “It’s pretty awesome to be something.”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
Ox leaned closer and Carter met him halfway with a kiss, and it felt like his wolf was howling a song of love to no one and nowhere in particular, just singing for himself and the world because he had finally found something that truly made him feel good, something that helped him to forgive himself even if only a little. Because he wasn’t truly singing to no one anymore, he was singing to the one he could call his and the one who would call him theirs.
They parted from the kiss with nothing other than eyes for each other, it felt like fireworks were going off in Carter’s chest in the most exciting and nerve-wracking of ways.
Ox said, “You know what you really smell like?”
Carter grinned, “What?”
“Like someone who should go freshen up so we can get some McDonald hash browns.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be packing your stuff up?”
“Only if I weren’t staying for the rest of the weekend.”
Carter’s eyes widened in surprise, “Don’t you have work Monday?”
“Gordo can take it out the mountain of PTO I’ve got saved up.”
“Rico’s gonna have a bitch fit.”
“Tough shit.”
Carter giggled at the absurdity of it all, “So you’re seriously staying?”
“Only if you want me too.”
“Always.”
“Well then, I call first dibs on the shower.”
“Of course my prince, I’ll prepare the carriage for our departure to get you hash browns.”
Ox rolled his eyes as he headed into the bathroom, “Or...”
“Or?”
“There’s room for two.”
“Tempting.”
“But no?”
“Another time.”
“Fair enough, the offer’s open if you change your mind.”
“I’ll think about it.”
As much as he wanted to see Ox’s back against the humid tiled wall, Carter didn’t want to rush this for once, sooner or later it was going to happen and by fuck was it going to be hot, but for now they should just enjoy what they had and slowly test the waters at their own pace. Christ he sounded like a church mom who was about to preach about sex after marriage... would Ox want to get married at some point? What will he think when he learns about the mate stuff? Shit, could he even give Ox his stone? What if Joe sees it and- FUCK, what about Joe? Joe can’t find out, he might actually fucking murder Carter, dad would probably be disappointed and Gordo would leave nothing, but charred remains. Maybe if Ox knew about Joe’s obsession before getting into this then maybe they could’ve coordinated some sort of lie or maybe just come outright and told them, but Ox didn’t know and if Carter told him then he’d be betraying Joe’s trust, then again if he didn’t tell Ox was he betraying his partner's trust? Fuck why did this have to be so complicated-
“Carter!” Ox called from the bathroom over the sound of the shower.
“Y-yeah?”
“Can I use your shampoo?”
“Go for it.”
“Thanks.”
A part of Carter took pleasure in the idea of Ox smelling even more like him and it was becoming noticeably harder for Carter to not run off into the woods to kill a deer or something to bring back to Ox... shit this was hitting him hard, maybe buying Ox a gift or something to eat would satisfy the wolf long enough for Ox to head back home? Question is what would he buy?
Picking up his nearly dead phone, Carter noticed a few missed calls and text messages from the pack, he decided to check Kelly’s messages first.
Yesterday
Kelly: Are you alright?
Kelly: I can feel your panic through the bonds.
Kelly: Carter, seriously what’s wrong?
Kelly: Mom and Joe are worried too, please answer.
Kelly: Is Ox still with you?
Kelly: Carter, speak to me.
Fucking hell, one of the negatives of having the bonds was everyone back home kept freaking out each time he had one of his episodes, everyone except dad of course, probably too focused on Joe to care, like always.
Today
Carter: I’m fine, just lost track of Ox for a min at the club and got myself worked up over nothing.
Kelly: ...
Kelly: It happened again didn’t it?
Carter: It’s fine.
Kelly: Carter.
Carter: What?
Kelly: It’s not going to happen again.
Carter: You don’t know that.
Kelly: You heard what dad said, Richard isn’t an Alpha anymore and he hasn’t been seen since.
Carter: He’s still fucking out there waiting, waiting for us to mess up again, waiting to take someone else from us.
Carter: I’m not letting him take anyone else Kelly!
Carter: Not again.
Kelly: When’s your next appointment with Maxine?
Carter: Why?
Kelly: You should speak to her about this, about last night’s panic attack.
Kelly: Are the coping strategies still working?
Carter: They are and I will!
Kelly: Okay.
Carter: We good?
Kelly: Yeah.
Kelly: I just want to make sure you’re doing okay.
Carter: I know.
Carter: Can we just not talk about this right now?
Kelly: Sure.
Kelly: How’s Ox?
Carter: He’s doing good.
Carter: Really good.
Kelly: I’m glad, he was excited to see you again.
Carter: Oh I could tell.
Kelly: What did you guys get up to last night?
Kelly: Other than the club, it doesn’t really seem like his sort of thing.
Kelly: Too overstimulating.
Carter: Yeah, he wasn’t a massive fan.
Carter: We went back to the dorm after a while and just talked.
Kelly: Although he did seem to be enjoying himself at a certain point...
Carter: Kelly.
Kelly: Did he get lucky?
Kelly: Ew I sound like you.
Carter: Wow thanks.
Kelly: You’re welcome.
Kelly: So...
Carter: ...
Kelly: >:3
Carter: Nearly.
Kelly: Wow.
Kelly: Guy or girl?
Kelly: Or non binary!
Carter: Which one?
Carter: Nevermind, same answer.
Kelly: Wait.
Kelly: Wait, wait, wait, wait!!!
Carter: Waiting.
Kelly: There was two people!?
Carter: Yep, both guys too.
Carter: One was pretty bitchy.
Carter: The other one was very handsome tho.
Kelly: Interesting compliment from the straight guy.
Carter: I’m rolling my eyes rn.
Kelly: Just saying.
Carter: So what?
Carter: Some guys are handsome.
Kelly: I guess.
Carter: And some girls are pretty.
Kelly: Okay.
Carter: ...
Kelly: Is there something you want to tell me?
Carter: ...
Carter: I gotta go, I’m taking Ox to McDonald’s.
Kelly: Hash browns?
Carter: Hash browns.
Kelly: He loves his safety foods.
Carter: His what?
Kelly: Don’t worry about it.
Kelly: Tell Ox I said hi.
Carter: I will.
Carter: ...
Carter: Love you bro.
Kelly: I love you too, Carter.
Carter: Tell mom I love her, Joe too.
Kelly: And dad?
Carter: ...
Carter: Bye, Kel.
The bathroom door opened letting a bit of steam into the room as Ox stepped out- oh shit...
A very wet Ox in nothing other than a towel said, “Shower’s free.”
Almost struggling to pick his jaw off of the floor, Carter said, “Okay now you’re just teasing me!”
Ox chuckled as he walked over to his discarded clothes and began picking them up.
“I forgot to bring them into the bathroom with me. Seeing your gay panic is just a bonus.”
“You’re cruel.”
“Yes I'm such a big meanie, now get showered and ready.”
“Alright.”
Getting up from the bed, Carter grabbed a fresh set of clothes and headed into the bathroom casting a final glance at Ox, his Ox. It felt odd to be so nervous yet eager about something, about someone. But that was good, it meant that this meant something to him, something much more than just sex and a six week relationship, Christ this isn’t going to be fun to explain to the pack, to Joe, he’d rather it be later than sooner, but realistically they were going to find out eventually.
“Fuck.” Carter sighed as he stepped into the shower.
The hot water was a relief to his muscles and he spent a good few minutes to just basking in the white noise and excitement of finally having a partner, a real romantic partner! Carter felt so dumb now in hindsight, no shit he liked men, his entire pack liked men with the exception of Kelly, speak about preaching to the fucking choir.
... He was going to have an interesting conversation with his counsellor on Tuesday.