Work Text:
through the large windows of the house beamed the rays of the sun, painting the bedroom in colorful shades of yellow, orange, and red. the vines hanging along the walls were swaying due to the light breeze, which circulated around the bedroom. with the door to the bedroom entirely opened, the cat sleeping in the living room yawned lightly as it rose, padding onto the other room and jumping onto the bed, getting comfortable once more. in the kitchen, there were empty glass bottles lining the counter, labels with neat writing placed by each bottle.
the forest was steadily awakening outside, birds chirping happily and foxes running around. the trees were dancing in the wind, and the skies hid away in favor of letting the sun shine. on the porch of your home sat a few different bowls as always, full of fruits, vegetables, and water for the animals of the forest, supplying them with whatever they needed. as someone who’d resided in this forest for years, the animals had grown fond of you, knowing you’d always leave something for them to indulge in.
inside the lonesome house located deep within the mysterious and dense forest, a certain knight began to awaken ever so lightly from his deep slumber, yawning widely and quietly. last night had been yet another sparring session between himself and the woman currently curled up in his arms, her head resting on his chest as his one arm was wrapped firmly around her waist. the other hand fell to land on her head, fingers softly stroking her head. your face was illuminated by the bright rays, highlighting the soft glow of your skin, making lohen slide his hand down to stroke his thumb over your cheekbone. for every day that he got to wake up next to you, feeling your breath softly blowing against his chest and seeing your lashes touch your cheeks as you slept, he wondered how he’d actually gotten here.
how did a failed ambush lead him here? lying in a bed with a woman as brilliant as you, beautiful and bright, strong and stunning, clever and creative. someone who embraced his very nature, never once passing judgment on his desire to fight or love for strength, but instead indulged in that. someone whose very life had clearly been riddled with dilemmas and problems, having been shunned from society, yet who was equally willing to break free from these traumas all for him. your willingness to trust a stranger, following them back into a city that had failed you, willing to subject yourself to judgment, hatred, and potential alienation once more, all for his sake. your starry hands were pressed against his stomach, sending a welcomed pang of coldness through his skin, and he couldn’t help but let his eyes lock onto the shimmery surface of your otherworldly hands.
the same hands that continuously earned you distrustful looks and snarls of anger lay on him with the softness of a pillow, relaxed and gentle. the same hands that had nursed him back to health, sewn his skin back together, and brushed over his face with such devotion.
“why are you staring at me?” your raspy voice broke lohen from his trance, blinking a few more times as you tilted your head up to gaze at him. your hands had slid up to rest on his chest, chin resting on top as your sleepy eyes gazed into his crimson ones, your nose scrunched up at the sun hitting your face. “lohen?”
“just admiring how delicious you look this morning, bun.”
you rolled your eyes at his words, ignoring the cocky grin sliding into his face as you turned to rest your face on your hands, now staring out of the window. his hand slid back down to rest against the side of your face, fingers stroking across your soft skin and thumb sliding down to rest against your lower lip, as his eyes fell shut again. your warmth was comforting against his skin, as was the soft drumming of your fingers against his skin. salem took the silent hint and jumped further up the bed, plopping down behind your head but on top of lohen’s chest and resting her head against yours, breathing peacefully.
“you say the same thing every morning.”
“my mother taught me to always speak the truth.”
an exasperated sigh coming from you made lohen grin once more, fingers grasping onto your chin to tilt your face back towards him, pleased by the soft smile resting on your lips. your eyes were still halfway closed, sleep lingering in the corners, but you looked so untroubled in this moment, untouched by trauma and pain. your legs tangled even further with his, pushing yourself further up the bed to rest your forehead against his, noses touching, and breaths mingling.
“you also say that every morning.”
and with that, you pushed yourself up from the bed, narrowly managing to avoid his hands attempting to pull you back down again. standing on the wooden floor now, your eyes fell shut once more as you stretched your limbs, ignorant of your shirt riding up and exposing your skin to lohen’s greedy eyes. his hands were reaching out for you, eager to get his fingers trailing patterns on your skin, but as always, he was no match for your speediness as you backed away with a yawn. instead you began your trek to the bathroom, letting your fingers curl into your shirt as you pulled it over your head and dumped it by the bathroom door, having not anticipated what that would do to the man ogling you with eager eyes.
and as weak as the man lohen was, he quickly nudged salem off his chest, making sure the cat landed safely and comfortably onto the bed before rushing after you into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
your life had oddly changed ever since that fateful morning when you were ambushed by lohen. sure, you two still sparred in your front yard at all hours of the day, having steadily grown to indulge in full-fledged fights to improve lohen’s abilities and keep yours alive. but beyond that, the relationship blooming between you two was stronger than ever before, even if nobody around you truly understood the inner workings of it. just like this morning, lohen spent almost every single night wrapped up in your comfortable sheets, holding you in his arms. what had started off as one simple night spent in your home due to his injury became routine for you two, now accustomed to spending almost every night together.
when lohen’s body had healed sufficiently after the gruesome encounter he’d had with the abyssal monsters, the medics at the knights of favonius gave the official approval for him to be discharged. where he would be staying was no contest for anyone, for everyone eventually realized that he’d always find his way back to you and your home. excuses such as ‘extra care’ and ‘monitoring’ had been thrown around, but anyone present was well aware that the two of you merely did not wish to be apart whatsoever. on the contrary, varka had also hoped that you being the one to monitor lohen during his recovery would mean that he didn’t have to fear lohen sneaking out to fight monsters, despite not being entirely recovered. he’d come to realize that lohen feared absolutely no one besides you, even if he did always have a certain glint of exhilaration in his crimson eyes whenever you leveled him with a glare or cut his sentence off halfway through.
you were not as socially unaware as one may assume, however. sure, you didn’t exactly know customs such as courting or how one may behave in certain social situations, but you were adept in identifying whenever someone had ulterior motives or secondary intentions. the words spoken by varka multiple times during your stay by lohen’s side, continuously prompting you to visit the city more and assuring you that you were welcome, may have been a genuine show of goodwill from his side as the grandmaster. yet that wasn’t all there was to it, and you knew that. at its core and at its most important extent, varka was indirectly trying to create a situation in which he also had you, an uncontrollable yet powerful outlier, in his sights and within his span of power.
never did you doubt his well-intended words and genuine smiles, but you also were not gullible enough to believe that the grandmaster and acting grandmaster of mondstadt would merely welcome you back into their city without taking any sort of precaution. nor would they merely accept you back into society and have you be around their people, the ones they had sworn to protect, solely due to your connection with lohen. they may have felt that you did deserve to integrate back into a regular social system and be able to interact with others, not just lohen, yet you understood that they were circumstantially also striving to transform you into a known variable rather than an unknown and, potentially, precarious one.
standing by the counter in your warm kitchen, the breeze drifted through the open door of your home, bringing in a freshness and the peaceful scent of the morning dew. held in your hands was a mug of tea, your eyes focusing on the small clusters of rabbits jumping around in your front yard as you took another sip. salem was already chasing away a fox, which had come a bit too close, in order to allow the rabbits the peace they deserved in your yard. flowers were swaying in the breeze, and so were your herbs, all ready to be delicately plucked and used for potions, foods, and your homemade personal products.
a pair of arms slid around your waist, a firm chest pressing against your back as you let yourself lean back into lohen’s front. his head peeked around your side, eyes drifting out to glance at whatever had captured your attention, letting his fingers drum random rhythms into your torso. without even looking back at him, you could feel that he was freshly dressed in his uniform, most likely about to head out for the day. his wet hair was already starting to dry, yet it caused your skin to prickle as he leaned in to place a small kiss on your cheek before rescinding his grip on you. instead, one hand remained on your waist as he grabbed his usual mug and began preparing a warm cup of coffee, like he did every morning.
lohen, more or less, resided with you here in the forest. he had steadily come to prefer spending his evenings, nights, and free time here with you. his own apartment was left almost entirely abandoned in the city of mondstadt, most of his clothing having been moved from there to here. all around your home were now signs of lohen and his presence, small daggers, trinkets, and papers lining your home. similarly, what had started off as one drawer had eventually led to nearly all of lohen’s wardrobe becoming part of your bedroom, which was, likewise, also steadily becoming his bedroom. on days with longer shifts or additional work, he would opt to stay at his own apartment, not wishing to wake you up by barging in at all hours of the night, but otherwise he spent most of his time here. something he also had to endure hearing, as varka had taken to calling him loverboy, perpetually teasing him about his undefined relationship with you.
“you’re headed into the city?” lohen questioned curiously once he noticed the empty potion bottles on the table, taking a sip from his coffee.
you placed your empty cup in the sink and wiped down the table. “i’m not sure. i have to finish the potions first, and then i will have to decide whether i’ll have enough time to make it. perhaps i will go tomorrow.”
lohen nodded, rapidly drinking the rest of his coffee before he reached for the small sponge, washing all the dishes in your sink. from the past few months of having lohen spend almost every night at your place, spending every morning moving in quiet harmony, you’d come to realize that lohen, in the early mornings, wasn’t anywhere near as exuberant or mischievous as usual; rather, he was quite mellowed out, preferring to wake up slowly and start his day quietly. it was definitely a vast difference for you to see him so relaxed, simply offering you small smiles and even fewer words, but frankly, you didn’t mind. lohen being able to open up about something so minute yet important to how he went about his life was important to you.
“i…” lohen shook his head to himself, leaning back against the counter as you tilted your head in confusion. his crimson eyes found yours, and there was a glint of vulnerability swimming within, his lips pulled into a thin line. “i want to introduce you to adorno.”
internally, your heart had damn near halted in its rhythm, and a sudden rock had appeared in your stomach at his words. you knew who adorno was, or rather, who he’d been. after lohen began recovering from his injuries, he’d find himself opening up ever so slightly one last night beneath the stars, telling you about adorno’s role in his life, how his momentary disappearance was due to the punishment he was facing because of his questionable actions, and working through his own feelings. you didn’t say much that night, for you could tell lohen didn’t need verbal support or some sort of emotional speech, but rather, he seemingly yearned to merely voice his feelings out into the open and not keep them bottled up inside.
“it would be my honor,” you admitted with a small smile, moving forward to let your hands land on lohen’s shoulders, glancing up at his surprised expression.
the past many months had not just worked wonders for lohen, but also for yourself. whereas lohen chose to become more honest with you, never ceasing to speak his mind or divulge the matters of his heart, he also found himself finally having an anchor in life, something to return to. yes, he still enjoyed fighting and continuously pursued his quest in becoming stronger, but he now held a will to live—he had someone to return home to and someone to hold in his arms. he desired to be stronger, but your approval and your safety became a factor in his quest; he knew you could fend for yourself, but he wanted to be able to protect you, too. he wanted to be able to save you as well, just as you’d saved him.
his lasting companionship had also evolved your own personality and how you perceived not only the world around you but also how you essentially engaged with other people. there was no doubt that lohen was a unique man, communicative in a way others weren’t, ignorant of personal boundaries, and always seeking a challenge. he liked to tease you as much as he could in any way possible, always pushed you out of your comfort zone, yet never failed to stop and make sure you were okay—he never once pushed you too far or ventured into dangerous territory. but it was exactly that which had prompted your growth in social interactions once more, silently observing how he communicated with you as opposed to how he’d communicated with others when you were in the city taking care of him. it was his touch on your waist whenever someone had spoken to you that allowed you to do your very best, knowing that the man standing behind you held nothing but support and pride for you.
every now and then, the blonde traveler from before would come knocking on your door, brandishing that same beautiful smile she’d worn when you managed to clean lohen up enough to get him out of the danger zone. whilst you did struggle to communicate with her companion, finding the fairy’s presence quite overwhelming at times, the traveler herself sometimes came across just as socially distant as yourself. she wouldn’t speak much, her tone wouldn't fluctuate like others’, and she didn’t talk for hours on end, but conversation with her was always pleasant and effortless.
lohen grinned down at you, suddenly throwing his arms around your waist as he lifted you into the air, relishing in the startled expression on your face. your grip on his shoulders tightened, even if you knew he’d never drop you. it was a major step for him to ask you to come visit the man whose presence had entirely altered lohen’s life, and for you, it was the biggest honor of all. you didn’t require meaningless titles or abundant gestures of care when lohen was by your side, inviting you into every crevice of his very being.
“meet me at the fountain later,” lohen whispered once he’d put you down again, letting his head sink to your shoulder and his breath flow over your ear. “we can go from there when the sun’s down.”
you were still not sure how to truly behave around lohen, but that no longer scared you, nor did you care to reign in whatever you felt for him. a smiling nod was what he got in return, your hands sliding up the length of his muscular back and tangling into his hair. touch had never been something you lacked, for it was never something you’d been given. the abyss was vile, always weaponizing something so special as human connection. however, with lohen, you never felt weird letting your hands run over him. his own touch, cold yet burning, brought a sense of comfort to you, and as you began experimenting steadily by letting your own hands venture across his skin and over the span of his body, you’d hope he felt the same way about you.
“and wear that black dress, the one with the lace in the back.”
“lohen, can you please behave?”
“what?! i am behaved!”
you pushed back with a disappointed shake of the head, ignoring his predatory grin directed at you as you stepped away. “you cannot ask me to visit someone as prestigious as adorno, then turn and ask me to wear your favorite dress.”
“hm, you’re no fun, bun.”
“and you’re late for work, lohen. please leave before i am once again summoned to grandmaster varka’s office.”
lohen laughed loudly at that, thinking back to just yesterday when you’d been summoned by the grandmaster all because lohen had poisoned yet another knight. varka had come to realize that lohen did not hold any fear for anyone but you, continuously using that against him. the sheer tenderness in lohen’s eyes whenever you were near, the desire to please you but also push you out of your comfort zone, made him unwilling to genuinely displease you. so whenever varka summoned you with concerns about lohen, he did it knowing that lohen’s fierce adoration for you would overrule his desire to annoy varka. and if anyone asked varka, seeing you walk out of the office in mild disapproval and irritation with lohen chasing after you like a scorned puppy was a sight like none other.
“see you later, baby.“ he picked up his daggers from the counter and slid them back into his belt, wrapping an arm around your waist to press a light peck to your cheek before rushing out the door, not forgetting to give salem a cuddle on the way out. you could hear his loud voice roaring a final farewell at you, and you couldn’t help but stand in the doorway, gracing him with a flushed smile as he ran backward, keeping those magnetic eyes on you as he saluted happily before turning around and sprinting off. “don’t miss me too much now!”
he was going to be late for work.
“what a headache,” you murmured to yourself, but the smile on your lips said otherwise even when you closed the door and glanced around to see his forgotten spear standing in the corner of your living room—varka was going to lose his mind. but that wasn’t your problem, so instead you began planning out your day, jotting down all the things you were meant to do for the day.
the semi-finished potion blends in your kitchen were merely waiting for the last few ingredients before they could be poured into glass bottles and sealed. whilst your initial plan had not been to visit the city today, you’d merely decided that you may as well finish these potions and bring them with you when going to meet lohen. the people of mondstadt still did not know you were the one making these potions, besides the grandmaster, the acting grandmaster, and the company captains, and you were determined to keep it that way. for you knew that if the knights came to realize that their potions were made by you, then they’d never come to use them ever again.
lohen’s care for you did not translate into acceptance by all, a fact you were well aware of. whenever you did enter the city, people still stared at you as if you were the bane of all evil, the one who’d bring ruin to their city. despite rumors flooding the streets about you having been one to defend mondstadt in its time of need, people were not so predisposed to changing their minds in no time. your hand still reminded them of their worst enemy, and your heterochromia still struck fear in the hearts of the people, even if you held no ill will towards anyone. for that reason alone, you limited your visits to the city, despite having reoccurring desires to walk through your childhood city with no fear or without feeling like an outsider.
walking outside and through your garden, a pleased laugh escaped you as you were thrust back into the grass by the various animals rushing at you, eager to shower you in love. and maybe you didn’t need everyone to accept you; maybe you didn’t need to feel kind smiles and warm greetings directed at you by a city of strangers when the ones with nothing but reverence and adoration embraced you with all this devotion.
✦
it was yet another warm morning, the sun hiding behind a small cloud but nevertheless spreading its warmth down upon your side of the forest. standing in your kitchen and humming a small tune to yourself, the last of your new serum was poured into a bowl to cool down. it was that day of the month when you’d spend hours remaking all the products you used for your personal care, seeing as you weren’t able to venture into the city to merely purchase them. your family’s long history in creating potions had inevitably also made your bloodline increasingly adept at creating products for your own usage, making you as independent as possible.
“well, i certainly wasn’t expecting this.” alice’s teasing voice reached your ears, leading to you spinning around just to see alice’s head poking in through your open door.
below her, another head poked its way inside, wide eyes staring around at your furnished living room before landing on you. “mom, she’s so pretty!”
“i told you, didn’t i, my dear klee? and mom would never lie to her darling.” alice lovingly ran her hand across her daughter’s head, amused at your puzzled stare directed at the two of them. taking a step inside, she held out a hand and allowed klee to enter your home as well, assuming the open door also meant an open invitation. the bowls and jars lining your counter were nothing new, but even alice could see the newfound glow on your face, the previously empty circles underneath your eyes wholly gone. “and this, klee, is the witch i told you about.”
the little girl came running at you, jumping around in happiness and taking the time to take in everything she could see in your living room before she came to a sudden halt in front of you, beaming up at your perplexed face. “hi, klee is klee! mom told me sooo much about you, miss witch.”
how were you supposed to act around her? your eyes were glued to the small girl beaming up at you, but your heart was beating faster than before, hands nervously tapping the sides of your legs in confusion. you couldn’t remember the last time you’d been around someone as young as her, someone as exuberant and lively as her. but somewhere in the back of your mind, a distant memory came to mind.
so you chose to delicately crouch down, wrapping your arms around your knees and meeting klee at her own height, not wanting to seem intimidating to her. “uhm, hello klee. i’m very honored that your mother has spoken so highly of me.”
“your voice is so nice!” klee gushed with excited eyes, clapping cheerily at you. “mom said miss witch makes all the potions in the city. the ones that make the knights big and strong. klee also wants to try a potion. can she? can i?” she spun around, running to alice whose arms were already wide open to receive her daughter.
your eyebrows knitted together at her words, trying to work out how much she actually knew, but also how she perceived the world. not once had she glanced down at your hands or even seemed terrified of your heterochromia, but instead seemed to notice more normal attributes such as your appearance and your voice. of course, you would expect that someone such as alice would have a daughter as brave as herself, lively and headstrong, but your lack of knowledge regarding children was apparent. your brain was working overtime to observe how alice was lovingly talking to her daughter, letting her daughter jump in place out of wild excitement as she stared at her with pure and unadulterated infatuation.
it reminded you of how your own mother used to gaze at you.
“if miss witch has any potions that would be good for my darling daughter, then i don’t see why not!”
you snapped out of your own thoughts, peering up to see both klee and alice staring at you with a matching set of excited expressions. inwardly going over your inventory of potions, you tried to remember if you had any that would be alright for a child to use. “i think i may have a potion that boosts your jumping abilities for a bit,” you murmured in a whispered tone, mentally wracking your own brain. “and one that will boost elemental energy recovery.”
“mom, mom! if i have that second one, can i play with more fish then?”
“yes! that’s a brilliant idea, klee.”
your head tilted to the side in utter confusion, watching mother and daughter excitedly brainstorm ideas for what klee could do after drinking your potion. their mannerisms were so similar, and at some point, you did begin to wonder exactly how the young girl would be playing with the fish and why she’d need elemental energy for that. but you chose not to question them, instead standing back up and slipping back into your kitchen, sealing a few glass bottles, and placing them gently in your basket.
“anyways, i’ve actually come here for a different reason.” alice caught your attention again, directing you to turn around and face the woman again, who was now likewise standing at full height as she held her daughter’s hand. “i’ve had the most magnificent morning playing with my darling daughter, but alas, the border of teyvat requires my attention, and i must go. i would like for you to bring my klee back to the city and also deliver this letter to varka.”
the bewilderment on your face must’ve been much clearer than you thought, for both alice and klee laughed heartily at you. raising a hand, you pointed back at yourself. “i’m sorry, do you wish for me to escort your daughter back into the city?”
“yes!” alice clapped happily—a move that klee mimicked eagerly, earning a pat on the head. “you’ll be able to get her back safely and also deliver this super important letter to varka.”
“klee thinks miss witch will be perfect for taking klee back home!” the young girl came running back to you, staring up at you with a sweet display of curiosity as she swayed on her feet, both hands clasped behind her back. “mom said you’re super strong!”
and that was how you found yourself walking back towards mondstadt city with klee, her hand clasped in yours as she eagerly chatted the whole way back. every now and then, she would ask you questions and listen intensely as you answered quietly, never divulging too much but not wanting to ignore her either. all of her questions were so light, merely asking your opinion on the trees you saw on the way or asking you about your experience making potions. her questions never came back to your past or came to question your appearance, something you’d become so accustomed to. you’d crack a smile whenever she’d go off on a tangent about the adventures she’d embarked on with her little witch squad or whenever she told you stories about her life as the spark knight.
“miss, can i ask you something?”
you glanced down at klee who was trotting by your side with a jump in her step, her hand curled around your fingers. “of course, klee.”
“my mom said i couldn’t ask about your hands, but klee’s really curious!” she stopped in her tracks, motioning for you to crouch down, which you did. your heart was pounding in your heart, fearful now that she’d asked that one thing you wished she wouldn’t. her smaller hands grabbed onto your hands and held them out, keeping them hovering between the both of you. “can you also make klee’s hands look so pretty? klee wants stars too!”
“…what?”
“i can see the stars,” she exclaimed joyfully, pointing down at your abyssal hands, enthralled by their oscillating surface. “they’re sooo pretty, miss. can you make my hands like that, too? and your eye! can you make my eye have a dodoco in it?”
the wind blew past the two of you, inducing the flowers and plants around to dance freely. klee’s eyes were firmly holding eye contact with yours, her smaller fingers wrapped tightly around yours. there was no fear, no judgment, and no hesitation. the smile that adorned her face was brighter than the sun, warmer than its rays, and carried more emotional weight than you could ever begin to imagine; to her, this was merely a question asked out of curiosity and desire for something beautiful; for you, this was a lifeline thrown at you. they often said that children were the purest of heart, unaffected and scatheless from the harsh realities of life. for a child to so openly embrace you and your most feared feature, for her to ask you for something similar solely because to her, these very features were something captivating, something desirable.
even you hadn’t realized that small tears had built up in your eyes until you felt a tug on your hands, klee wanting you to snap out of your own mind and direct your attention to her. sniffling every so slightly, your lips subconsciously pulled into a small smile, taking even klee by surprise as she’d yet to see you smile so sincerely.
“unfortunately, i cannot make your hands appear as my own, nor can i change your eyes. i don’t think miss alice would be too happy with me, either. i can, however, make a potion that would make your hands shimmer beneath the sunlight if that is something you’re interested in,” you proposed softly, letting your thumbs run across the back of her hands soothingly.
klee seemed to be in deep thought, pursing her lips as she tapped her foot on the ground; she really was alice’s daughter, you thought to yourself. their mannerisms were so similar. “okay! klee wants that, miss witch! can we do that? can we? can we?!”
“i promise you i’ll try my very best to create such a potion for you, klee,” you giggled at her eagerness, pushing yourself to your full height and brushing off your dress before extending your hand to klee again, feeling her fingers wrap around yours. the two of you continued your trek back into the city with the animals running around you, often stopping to playfully nudge at klee, and klee filling the air with all sorts of stories her mother had told her.
alas, this light atmosphere of childish wonder and otherworldly stories would not last much longer. whilst klee failed to notice, too embroiled in energetically explaining to you how she’d once blown up the whole lake, your eyes immediately caught notice of the guards’ hardened eyes watching you. the gates of the city were open as always, with two guards standing outside, and despite having been offered to not stop you from entering the city, they still did not shy away from leveling you with hateful glares and snarling lips. the very second you moved a mere step into the city, several operations came to a halt, people not even hiding their gaping at your figure.
the bustling city was always kept alive by the various people running around, from the lady selling flowers to the area, where one could commission weapons or such. the adventures’ guild stood at the entrance, and along that path, there were various different stores and bars scattered. walking up the path, you resolved to keep your eyes lowered to the ground in an attempt to avoid anyone’s eyes and to merely retreat back into your own sense of self, hoping to get through this area as soon as possible. on those rare occasions you did come to the city, you’d usually make sure to have your cloak covering your entire body and take one of the lesser-used paths, or you’d try to enter in the later when fewer people would be roaming the streets. however, it was an early morning, and the city was lively as ever today.
your eyes dropped to peer at klee, only to see the little girl glancing around in utter confusion, most likely attempting to figure out why the spirited and vibrant atmosphere of her home had suddenly become chilly and unwelcoming. all along the path, people were glaring daggers into you, not bothering to hide their disgust for you. not a single person dared to speak, however. the sun was beaming down on the city in its glory, but not a shred of warmth was to be seen anywhere. you could tell klee was beginning to piece it together, presumably noticing the amount of glares directed at your intertwined hands. people were downright disgusted to see you in their home, which they didn’t particularly bother to hide.
“miss witch, can we hurry up? klee doesn’t like this.” her small voice seemed surprisingly fragile, so riddled with emotion and laced with sadness.
whatever words you would’ve wished to say just wouldn’t leave your throat, a thick clump stuck somewhere between. instead, you merely nodded and gave her hand a small squeeze, picking up the pace significantly as you left behind those outraged and scrutinizing glares. they were still burning into your back, searing into your very soul, as you could feel your mind retreating back into that same pocket of darkness and emptiness.
you never should’ve come here. you don’t belong here.
this was not your home. that one bout of joy you’d felt from klee’s words faded back into that pit of nothingness, hiding somewhere deep inside of you, firmly locked behind a layer of despair. you were a stranger to those people, a danger. it didn’t matter that this very city and its people had failed you and your village; it didn’t matter that nobody remembered the slaughter of your people; it didn’t matter that the abyss had been bold enough to viciously murder a group of people, kidnapping children for the sake of creating weapons of destruction and madness. because as long as they stayed safe, they were content. and you couldn’t fault them for them.
the unknown was terrifying.
but as you walked past the glaring guards at the headquarters of the knights of favonius, as you dragged yourself through the lobby and ignored the firm looks of disgust directed at you, there was that sense of numbness spreading through your veins again. your hands were buzzing, spreading a little seed of sorrow throughout your body, resonating with the feelings growing in your heart. klee could feel the grip on her hand had loosened ever so gradually, and so as she glanced at you, her eyes found your expression had fallen back to that stoic expression, the one with empty eyes and a hollow heart.
“come in!”
your hand gently pushed open the door to varka’s office, and you calmly approached the large desk as varka peered up from his stack of papers, finding two unlikely people standing before him. the woman sitting beside him also glanced up but found that her attention wouldn’t focus on the little girl when the person standing next to her seemed so lifeless. just last night, varka and jean were headed back from the headquarters when they heard a familiar loud laugh echoing throughout the night. peeking around the corner, they were unsurprised to see lohen running around beneath the statue of barbatos, laughing maniacally. they were, however, beyond stunned to see your figure appearing right behind him, chasing him down with a small smile adorning your face. both of you were no longer dressed in your usual attire but in something a bit more formal, more private.
“adorno wouldn’t be happy to see you chasing me around like this, bunny!”
“if everything you have told me about him is true, then i think he’d be very pleased to see someone attempting to correct your deranged behavior.”
“huh?” lohen had paused right in his tracks, catching you off guard, but it seemed that’s exactly what he meant to do. you hadn’t realized that the man had stopped until a beat too late, but before you could even begin to halt in your step, lohen rushed towards you and draped his arms around your waist. a disorienting hiss escaped you, catching both jean and varka off guard, as your arms entangled around lohen’s neck. “oh, he would love you, sweets. but not more than me.”
you rolled your eyes at lohen’s habit of singing the last of his sentence, allowing him to bury his head into your neck and hair like a puppy seeking comfort. dragging your hands up the span of his neck, your long, sharp nails scratched the skin where his hair met his neck, eliciting a small purr of comfort from the young man. varka was absolutely flabbergasted, to say the least. not only because lohen was acting more like a lovesick puppy than usual, but also given that in the few months he had seen you around, he had never seen such a serene smile on your face, such passion flushing into your cheeks at lohen’s words. it seemed you had no intention of saying it back, but perhaps you didn’t need to. the fire burning in lohen’s eyes when he leaned back, staring down at you with an expression full of love, cupping your face in his hands, told both varka and jean enough.
whatever was between the two of you, it was something that just worked.
nevertheless, the woman standing before them now was not the same as the one from last night, or even the same they’d encountered a few weeks ago in the forest. riddled with tenderness, eyes full of liveliness, and hands as delicate as silk, that was the woman they’d seen. the woman standing before them with her hands hidden beneath the long sleeves of her dress, eyes cast downwards towards the floor, and with a body language expressing discomfort and detachment, wasn’t the same one. and as both adults exchanged an expression of confusion, they were further confused by klee’s hands equally hidden beneath your dress as if you both were holding hands, a saddened expression on klee’s face as well; something they weren’t accustomed to seeing.
“i apologize for disturbing you, grandmaster, acting grandmaster. alice asked me to escort little klee back to the city, but also to deliver this letter to you.” you gently let go of klee’s hands, missing her little unspoken protest in letting you go, as you carefully placed your basket on the corner of their table, not wanting to mess with their papers. “there are also a new batch of potions in here. i was able to make the potion you requested, grandmaster. it performed well for lohen, but unfortunately i do not know how it might affect any of the other knights. however, there should not be any likelihood of permanent impairment.”
varka’s eyes wandered past your withdrawn figure and centered in on klee, whose eyes were watching you intensely. there was such a deep feeling of hurt floating across her face, one that varka had never seen before; not when she was put in solitary confinement, not when dodoco was confiscated, and not even when her parents weren’t able to make it back that one time they’d promised they’d be back. despite being a serial bomber of fish, the little girl was far more emotionally intelligent than one would assume—something all the surrounding adults were well aware of. she often picked up on the emotions of those around her faster than others, itching to make everything better. but varka kept his eyes on her, simply observing how her eyes wouldn’t move from you, small tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, and her hands dug into the fabric of her own dress in frustration. he had to assume that whatever had happened was severe enough for you to retract back into yourself and for klee to take it to heart.
“again, pardon my intrusion. i will be on my way now. klee, i will do my utmost to create the promised potion for you.” your tone remained hollow and impassive, never even catching their eyes, before pivoting on your heels and dashing out, not sparing anyone a further glance.
the second the door slammed behind you, klee rushed towards varka, just about allowing the man to push back his chair and lean down, catching the young girl in his arms. settling her back down on his one leg, both jean and varka tried their very best to understand the words that left her, but alas. the words were spoken through a river of tears, and only once they’d managed to calm the girl down were they able to discern her words. the hostility in the city upon your arrival, the muttered profanities directed at you, and the animosities lingering in the air behind you. of course, they both were well aware that your presence in the city would always sow discord. however, they would have hoped that people would have become less outwardly judgmental considering you had gone out of your way to protect these very people, without any obligation.
back outside the headquarters, the guards barely noticed the figure speeding past them. running past the various people, leaving everyone stumped about what had just passed them, your legs carried you out through the side gate of the city and toward the forest, itching to get away from here as soon as possible.
after all, you didn’t belong here.
✦
salem was running around outside with some other animals, who often came by your residence at night. the rabbits were jumping around happily, salem chasing them for fun, as the foxes played with some squirrels, knowing better than to deliberately launch an attack at any of the smaller animals. a few wolves were howling merrily, most likely streaking through the dark forest with glee, overjoyed to be left in peace and able to stretch their legs.
despite that, most of the animals would occasionally peer over at the warm house, now carrying a feeling of loneliness like never before. the lights were on and the door was open, yet inside, they knew that your form was lying quietly on your bed. within your chest was a hollow space, one ripped open once the abyss and its emptiness had merged with your very being. anyone lacking knowledge regarding the abyss would never know that even at its most powerful, it would always manifest as one’s own thoughts and creation. outwardly, the abyss would always be tempting, cold but alluring. but at its core, it could be anything you’d want it to be, albeit with that same coldness always present.
that same little pocket of comfort was where your mind had taken you. your eyes may have been shut and your form buried beneath your warm sheets, but inside your mind, you were floating in that vast space of nothing. the space was darker than words could even begin to describe, its surface littered with all sorts of floating stars that shone brighter than anything you’d ever seen before. in that space, your body was weightless; it was untied. there was nothing tethering you to a place that regularly didn’t even feel like your own, to a place whose people disdained you, and a world that held secrets beyond human understanding.
your form was crumpled up on the inhuman and icy ground, the bumps within its stone worm burying into your legs. yet, your mind was floating in and out of consciousness, pain thumping through every thought in your head and every nerve in your body. you could see them. your hands. your rotten, twisted, detached hands lying a few meters away, their form pervertedly gnarled and grotesque.
“poor little surface princess and her hands!” the abyss herald cackled with excitement as he stomped on your severed hands and forearms, clearly relishing in the sheer amount of blood leaking from your extremities. “don’t cry so much now. your hands were destroyed from all that futile struggle, anyway. but now? now you finally get to embrace the power of the abyss! its power, its strength, its versatility! it’s all here, waiting for you, witch.”
your gaze swept down to your hands floating at your sides, blending in with the surrounding space. the fingers wiggled, they balled into fists, they created potions, and they saved lives. but these very hands, formed from the power of the abyss and materialized out of a desperate need, out of force that then became a necessity and a dependence, were in their nature created from something evil—something that aimed to usurp and destroy. but was that truly the reality? had these very hands not been your lifeline? had they not been the very hands, which picked up a weapon of a desire to live and learned to fight, eventually earning your way out of that wretched place? were they not the very same hands that had created potions for masses to use, aiding in battles and extending their lives? was your eye, tainted by an abyssal energy, not the same one granting you vision? had it not separated you from the others and continuously given you an advantage, sensing things others couldn’t and granting you mastery over your abilities like none other?
were you really to blame for accepting part of that wretched power when it had essentially been against your will? were you incorrect to retain these limbs of a starry surface and an eye resembling the very mirror people refused to peer into when their disappearance would leave you wounded and potentially dead? nobody could realistically try to even understand what you had been through and why you bit the forbidden apple, but had no one ever wondered whether your acceptance of that curse was out of a thirst for power or whether it was forced upon you?
your hands had been covering your eye in a desperate attempt to avoid the dagger, yet the blade had seamlessly slid right through your already-mangled hands, the tip buried deep in your eye. the abyss monsters chuckled; they howled in joy, and they relished. falling to her knees was the same girl that had been resisting for so long, screams ripping from her throat as blood slid down her face, the very sight delightful to them. your eyeball was deflated, you could tell, but your brain simply couldn’t fathom it, fingers vigorously reaching to wipe the blood away. screams were a custom within this horrid place, always echoing like some sort of malicious background music, but the screams ripping from that room on that very day would be heard for years on end.
you had barely survived. in fact, sometimes you genuinely wondered if you had actually survived or whether your soul had perished in that place. perhaps you were merely a walking corpse, pretending to be living and breathing, when in actuality you’d already been banished from this world.
yet as your own mind tried to isolate itself from its own existence, a certain sense of self remained. for somewhere in the back of your head, a certain crimson pair of eyes kept making an appearance. even in your own psyche, those calculating eyes captured your every move, gazing at you with so much emotion in them. because somewhere along the line, you had met someone whose contempt for you wasn’t fueled by attributes that they’d already formed prejudice about. it was indisputable that he, in all likelihood, also had many questions about your past, but to him, it didn’t matter. not for reasons like others, where common prejudice formed a pattern of discrimination, or where it was easier to remain distant from the unknown.
lohen had taken the time to get to know you.
whereas everyone assumed you must be some sort of evil and malicious witch hiding away in the forest, lohen had merely seen a person with immense strength. whereas everyone else shied away from your hands, condemning them and believing them to be an indicator of your loyalty to the abyss order, lohen saw them as something fascinating. the same hands that held a weapon against him, threw him to the ground, and hurt him in an attempt to grow his skill were the same ones healing his wounds and tugging him close, running a hand through his hair or down his spine, caressing the mole beneath his eye, or tracing across the scars littered across his back.
outside your home, the animals had been playing in peace until a crowd of footsteps began moving through the forest. they were light, almost inaudible, but the habits of moving in groups had alerted the birds. the same ones who often flew past your home, rested in the trees surrounding your home, and feasted on the food you’d leave for them in the trees. those same birds came soaring over your home, flying in circles above the grounds, filling the air with loud and squeaky calls of danger.
they had already seen what was coming your way.
salem just about managed to run into your home, the other animals scattering to survey the area. this wasn’t just your home, but theirs as well, and if the birds had fled from wherever the danger was, flying back to alert you about the danger… well, then whatever was coming this way would not be something aiming to hurt only the animals, but also the woman living here. but salem barely made it, for just as the black cat jumped into your bed, a group of people broke through the line of trees.
“kill the witch!”, “burn her down”, “rid mondstadt of all evil!”
the space was as vast as ever. your eyes were gradually starting to unfocus even in your own head, rendering you unable to even process anything beyond this peace coursing through you. perhaps you didn’t have to push yourself to seem normal, you thought. perhaps it was okay for you to just be you, to stay out of people’s way, and do your utmost to mind your own business. you didn’t really need to go into mondstadt city, did you? realistically, you could just ask lohen to drop off any potions you had been commissioned for. a pang of hurt shot through your body once lohen’s figure appeared in your mind, for was it really okay for him to be associated with you? wouldn’t the people he was meant to protect lose faith in him if they were to learn that he was involved with the same woman, whose very presence invoked fear and anger?
a scratch on your arm jolted you from that peaceful space, the sheer pain of claws digging into your arm eliciting a gasp to spill from your mouth. blood was already trickling down your arm once your mind readjusted to reality, making you hazily blink down to see salem slumped on your bed. her screams were loud, her paws hitting at you continuously, an inconceivable amount of distress rolling off her small body. your hands immediately scooped her into your arms, trying to hold her close, but alas. it was as if she didn’t want comfort, instead struggling to get out of your arms.
there was a smell building in the air, and as your sight returned to its normal state, the warmth building in your room finally made sense. smoke was piling in from your windows, and flames were spreading across your roof. your heart didn’t even get to drop, nor did the ice settle into your veins, for your body was already working faster than your own mind. your legs and arms hoisted you off the bed, rushing to rip open the door and stumble back at the flames in your living room.
you couldn’t breathe. the smoke was flooding the room, constricting your lungs and causing a burn to build in your eyes. your every limb was quivering, attempting to fight the urge to breathe in all this smoke. your knees were buckling beneath you, begging to cave in, but you knew this wasn’t the time. if not yourself, you had to make sure salem was okay. that all the other animals were okay, even if it meant the worst for yourself. salem’s small form was once again swept into your arms as you ran through the home, narrowly dodging the building flames and ignoring the hateful cheer outside your home. making it out the door, your feet came to a sudden halt. panting heavily, you turned around, unable to even feel the scorch of the fire building into your back. for standing outside your home were citizens of mondstadt, torches of fire in their hands, and hateful cheers chanted at you.
“she’s alive! run before she curses us!”
and truly, in that moment, you ached to crush them. the sight of those slimy eyes on you, their wicked laughs and loathsome words directed at you, was kindling a fire within your heart. because they knew as well as you did that if a fight ensued, they stood no chance against you. but that wasn’t you, nor was it what your heart sincerely wanted. you never wanted to kill another human being again, to have that particular kind of blood on your hands or your consciousness ever again.
wasn’t it enough that you’d been forced to slaughter your own friends? wasn’t it enough that the blood on your hands had sunken so deep into your very soul that you’d never be able to erase its very guilt from your soul?
they ran. all of them. forgotten torches, echoing words, and burning hatred, all left behind.
your legs were bucking beneath you, but that wasn’t the only thing on your mind. the fire had long since made its mark on your back, and as your trembling legs gave out beneath you, sending your burnt body flying down the stairs, somehow managing to shield salem, you wondered if this was how you’d meet your end. burnt to a crisp all alone in the very forest, where you’d watched your parents die all those years alone. the fire was spreading rapidly, engulfing your home in its radiant glow. but your unblinking eyes still couldn’t look away, even as more and more hits struck your body, begging you to get up.
the burning on your body had commenced before you’d even returned to consciousness, having made its marks on your arms and face. it never dawned on you before, the sheer pain of weaving through a room engulfed in fire, its flames licking every inch of your skin. so now you lie here, on the grass, your eyes stuck watching your safe space burning to a crisp. sensing, somewhere far away, that your own skin was searing and sizzling, and your own muscles were sweltering. your hands were desperately reaching out for your home, hopeless tears streaming down your scalding face as you struggled to stay awake. left to die a gruesome death on your own, as you had always been.
perhaps it was destiny. perhaps it was the universe correcting its wrongs. whatever it was, your mind simply couldn’t process it. for with flakes of your skin burnt off your back and spreading fighting catching onto your fallen body, your mind was already reverting to that space.
perhaps your soul would lastly meet its end, as you should’ve all those years ago.
✦
“so is everyone clear on tomorrow, then?” varka questioned into the vast room, illuminated by the yellow lights hanging above the table alongside the many candles scattered across the room.
lohen was casually lounging over at the couch, kaeya next to him, and eula plopped down close by. with a mission like this, a plan to scout the city and its borders for abyssal energy, it was vital to have all the different companies briefed properly. even the master of the winery, diluc, was present at the meeting, as he refused to have knights roaming around on his property. a few of the other captains were also present, alongside mika and amber. frankly, the vice captain just wished for this meeting to finish as soon as possible so he could get right back to you.
the thought of sitting here was annoying. notably, when he knew that instead, he could be lying in bed with you, cuddled into your warmth with your hands running through his hair and your legs coiling around his torso. he could tell you about his day and hear your dulcet voice scold him with so much fondness, maybe hear a small giggle from you, and see your eyes light up with amusement.
ever since lohen had encountered that mysterious horde of abyssal monsters headed towards the city, everyone had been extra alert. there had been no massive attacks headed towards the city, besides the one you’d foiled when lohen was healing from his wounds. since then, it’d only been the typical little waves of monsters headed for the city or attacking people out in the wild—something bothersome and strange, but not something that would cause mass hysteria. however, the grandmaster and acting grandmaster held their titles for a reason, having long suspected that something was about to go awry. whether or not it was today or in a few weeks, they didn’t know, but that was precisely the purpose behind this meeting: to establish routes for the different companies to scout, what to look out for, what to collect from the various locations, and what to do in case of an emergency.
mondstadt had faced its fair share of difficulties and disasters—it was only appropriate that they set countermeasures in place if disaster came to strike once more.
the nods and murmured words all throughout the room seemed to be enough of an answer, varka giving a nod of acceptance as he delegated further. lohen could feel himself zoning out as the details regarding what materials to collect were discussed loudly, his head falling backwards to rest against the sofa in annoyance. in a perfect world, he’d be snuggling into your warm body right about now, relishing in the way you always subtly tangled your legs with his.
“does anyone else hear that?” kaeya interrupted whatever conversation was happening, sounding unfamiliarly serious as he leaned forward in confusion. the conversation dropped instantly, everyone now focusing their attention over to the blue-eyed captain whose eyebrows were furrowed. “it sounds like scratching. i’m not sure.”
by now, lohen’s patience was seriously beginning to run thin. how many more times were these people going to delay this goddamn meeting? his journey back to your place would take him a while, unless he somehow stole one of kaeya’s horses, and he really did not want to spend tonight all alone in his own bed without you by his side. he also was actively beginning to question the professionalism of the other knights, because having a meeting at this hour was downright ridiculous to him. but as lohen’s head slumped and his teeth gritted together in irritation, fingers drumming along the sofa, he missed all that was happening around him.
kaeya’s interruption made varka curious enough to head towards the door, especially when his own ears caught a whispered cry. the others evidently noticed the sound as well, everyone besides lohen whose mind had already ventured back to sparring with you tomorrow morning, and were equally eager to know what that sound may be. but just as varka opened the door, taking a small step back, a small flash of black zoomed through the room, invoking several gasps and confusion-laden whispers.
the sudden drop of something heavy on lohen’s lap drove him out of his mind, profanities already sitting ready on his tongue for whoever was daring to interrupt him. he knew it was probably varka trying to bring him back to the conversation or maybe even kaeya, who had a certain penchant to piss lohen off. but just as lohen’s crimson eyes snapped open, his hand reaching down to throw whatever had landed on his lap off, he heard the small murmurs around him. his brain moved faster than his hands for once, rendering him unable to cause any harm to the trembling cat on his lap. cries of despair and anguish were spilling from her tiny form, nails scratching at him as if she was distraught beyond words, but also frantically needed to get his attention.
every nerve in lohen’s body, every thought in his head, and every single breath he inhaled felt foreign, as did the gesture of his own hand reaching down to pet salem. his eyes were staring down at the familiar cat with pure confusion painted on his face, but the pensiveness growing in his heart was unlike any he’d ever felt. everyone else was staring at him as well, he could tell. yet their stares were full of a different sort of confusion, most likely growing more so annoyed by the interruptions extending their workdays even further.
but lohen knew better.
for salem would never find her way here on her own without reason. she was the sort of cat who’d refuse to leave your side even for a little bit, no matter what. despite sleeping in the living room most of the nights, she somehow always made her way into your bedroom and onto your bed. her small paws always paddled after you, whether it was whilst you were doing chores around your home, taking a walk through the forest, or simply relaxing around your own place. she was spiritually connected with you, something lohen noticed very early on. eventually salem did also grow fond of him, beginning these same patterns with him, but to a lesser degree. whenever he was injured, salem would plop down beside him or on, doing her utmost to provide some sense of comfort.
“lohen?” varka exchanged a quick glance with the others, perplexed by the younger man’s reaction. with a hand running over the distressed cat, it was as if his body was moving on its own. the sheer size of his eyes, however, was something varka had only seen a few select times. “lohen, who’s the cat?”
lohen’s eyes scanned the small cat, feeling a pit form in his stomach as he observed how utterly terrified the small animal seemed. her quest to gain his attention had led her to start nipping at fingers, desperate for him to piece together whatever was happening, rather than zone out. and when it clicked in his mind, he just knew.
you were in trouble.
salem would never be able to find her way here otherwise, nor would you ever let her go. if salem had somehow managed to run all the way from home to here, shaking and trembling, behaving unlike herself as she whined and yowled, then something wasn’t right. lohen’s mind continuously ignored everyone around him, even as the others now began exchanging concerning expressions about how blank lohen’s face had become. there were patches of fur missing from salem’s body, seemingly burned off, and he could see the amount of black stuff clinging to her paws. several of the cat’s claws were broken, dried blood clinging to her paws, as she kept trying to bite his hand.
you’d never let salem go.
salem would never leave you.
lohen’s body accelerated before his mind could even process everything. he didn’t know anything besides the fact that he had to get back. his blood was pumping faster than ever before, and his breaths were coming out choppy, but none of that mattered to him. nor did the yells of confusion and concerns being thrown after him, as lohen coddled salem in his arms and sprinted out of the office, rushing out of the headquarters. he could hear footsteps following him, notably varka’s boots colliding with the floor, but lohen had always been faster than most, something that was coming in handy by now. for as his body escaped the headquarters and his mind had always drifted back to you, he instinctively ran to the stalls behind the building and loosened the reins to a horse, jumping on and taking off before anyone could stop him.
he had one objective only, and that was to find you.
the ride through the lands of mondstadt felt like a fever dream to lohen, who was directing the horse to speed towards your home whilst holding onto a whining and crying salem. whatever had happened to you, it was bad enough to render salem devastated, and the feeling coursing through lohen’s veins was unlike any other. nothing felt real to him, the night sky blurring past him, as his hands kept tightening around the reins. his eyes were dropping in and out of focus, as if his mind was struggling to not retreat into his own space and fabricate false hopes about your safety. the sound of blood pumping was rushing through his ears, and for a second, lohen could feel his entire body trembling.
his own past was one he struggled with often, with his mind wandering back to the darkest period of his life. he would never be able to open up about how being kidnapped affected him in its entirety and how it continued to haunt him. but you didn’t demand explanations or reasons when his body would stiffen and his eyes would become hazy. you didn’t need explanations when he pushed himself behind his own body’s limitations, when he kept going even when his body was begging him to just stop. you never expected him to suddenly tell you everything, nor did you ever make him feel indebted to you. instead, you were just there.
you sparred with him for as long as he needed you to, whether it was an hour or five. you patched him up, and even when you gave him that expression, he knew you were merely not content with his willingness to allow himself to be injured in pursuit of strength; yet you never once tried to make him quit. because you understood that this meant everything to him. that it wasn’t just a hobby he’d picked up for fun, or because he was power-hungry, and thus strived for more power. no, you understood that this was his response to trauma he’d faced early on in his life. you didn’t try to dictate his lifestyle or preach about better methods because you knew that to change his trauma response and his chosen method of dealing with his past would be to deny him the freedom to be himself.
there was something ablaze in the distance, lohen could see as his eyes came back into focus. he knew he was close now, almost at your home—his safe haven. there was a strong scent of smoke in the air, black smoke still billowing through the windy night. lohen had a bad feeling brewing in his stomach, angry grunts escaping his overworked body, as he forced the horse to run faster. he had to get to you as soon as possible. there were following voices behind him, calling out his name or merely calling out orders. varka had taken the initiative to follow him, he assumed, as he narrowly directed his horse through the dense forest. but that wasn’t surprising to lohen, for varka was the type of man who’d never let his knights suffer on their own.
and varka knew how much you meant to lohen.
as the trees’ lining cleared and lohen broke through the timberline, which surrounded your area of the forest, everything within his sight became bleary in his mind—it was as if his brain simply could not process the scene before him, yet his body kept moving forward. the horse halted in its movements, and lohen jumped off, but his eyes never once moved from the scene before him, even as salem’s cries reached his ears once more.
everything was burning. your home, its beautiful garden, the trees. all of it, in flames, high in the sky and brighter beneath the somber horizon. lohen’s eyes were snapping from item to item, place to place, and he could physically feel his chest beginning to constrict, for he could not find you. his eyes were picking up on one too many aspects, but you weren’t one of them. and even when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder in a silent show of support, even when his peripheral vision observed more of his colleagues coming to examine the scene with hushed gasps and poorly-veiled astonishment, lohen’s mind was screaming at him.
he needed to find you. he had to find you. he wanted to find you. he knew you wanted him to find you. he just wanted to see you.
“look there!” albedo's voice broke through the tense silence forming as everyone tried to find any sign of life anywhere, pointing towards a line of trees to the left of your home.
the trees in that little area were not burning, nor did they seem affected by the surrounding happenings. rather, as lohen’s crimson eyes narrowed and his legs moved forward on their own, it seemed as if there was something forming a silent barrier between that area and everything else. everyone else took tentative steps behind lohen, and while they were usually not the type of people to conduct themselves so quietly, one could assume varka had given them enough hints about what was actually happening.
they all knew you and lohen were a pair of your own, something so unique that one could never put a proper label on you, yet so pleased with merely being within each other’s reach.
“fuck!” lohen’s breath got caught in his chest, his legs launching into a full-blown sprint when he inevitably registered what he was staring at. the barrier was thin, but anyone could see the slightly darker bubble formed around the crowd hiding behind the trees. small stars floated around on the surface of the bubble, and as lohen’s body reached the bubble, his knees gave out from beneath him. the air around him was thinning rapidly, a crushing sensation in his chest spreading to the entirety of his body, as his eyes fell into the most horrific and heart-wrenching he’d ever seen.
lying behind the trees was your body, face turned away from him, but unmistakably, it was you. the dress worn by you had burned in certain areas, leaving parts of your skin exposed and displaying the severe burns etched into the otherwise delicate skin. parts of your hair were burned off, but merely shortened, as if the fire had never had the chance to spread to your head. some of your muscles were entirely visible to the naked eye, causing nausea to rise in everyone and anyone whose eyes caught sight of your burned and battered body.
but what truly made everyone turn away for a moment were your arms. the usually vibrant and beautiful arms seemed almost transparent, as if their existence was waning as your body weakened. within that bubble was every animal you’d ever cared for and shown goodwill for, scattered around your body and covering you with trembling statues. they were absolutely terrified but their instinct had still been to offer you protection. to make sure that nothing more happened to you. varka noticed that there were drag marks from the home to where your body was currently sprawled, and as he noticed animals watching them all with hostile eyes, he had to assume that those very animals had dragged you from the fire and to safety.
lohen’s hand reached out towards the bubble, no longer able to register anything else around him. the muttering and conversations behind him faded into a vast space of nothing, as did all the worried glances being thrown between himself and you. that bubble around you, the one that resembled your hand, was one you must’ve erected merely to protect the animals rather than yourself. for lohen knew you; he knew that you’d never award yourself such a protection, but you’d go out of your way to keep the animals near your home safe.
everyone else’s safety always mattered more than your own to you.
despite several murmurs from behind him, words of warning and caution, lohen did whatever felt right to him. his hand phased right through the barrier, and nobody could’ve missed the way all the animals bared their teeth at him, seemingly afraid he’d be another person to harm you. but as they registered the man before them, salem ran through the barrier as well to leap into lohen’s arm. they all rhythmically moved away, revealing your form to him. lohen’s heart was beating louder than ever before, the sound of his blood pumping echoing through his ears. he was certain his hands were trembling violently, and in any other situation, he would be downright embarrassed to be showing so much emotion in public; to be shaking so nervously, to have his breathing so heavy and rapid, to be so damn terrified.
but your presence within his life and before him right now mattered more to him than anything or anyone else, now and forever.
“bunny?” lohen’s hands didn’t hesitate to wrap around your arms, flipping your body ever so gently to have your head land motionless in his lap. there were burns all over your face, blood dried on your lips, and long stretches of dried tears lingering on your face. lohen’s one hand desperately tried to find a pulse, letting out a loud sigh of relief when he found a faint pulse beating in your chest. “baby, can you hear me?” his hand was shakingly tapping your cheeks with force, hoping to have you open your beautiful eyes and blink up at him.
the animals were all screeching in fear, distressed at your lack of strength and your lifeless body. lohen’s own mind was conflicted, screaming at him. he didn’t know what to say, what to do, how to behave, or what to even think. his crimson eyes didn’t know where to focus, panicked at the amount of wounds and burns on your body. your skin was hanging off your limbs, your muscles were exposed, some burned and others so damaged that your bones were almost showing, and your hands… lohen didn’t even know what to do, his hands sliding down to grab at yours, only to find that his fingers were slipping right through.
“lohen?! lohen?” varka was banging his hands against the barrier, eyes widened at the sight of your near-dead body in lohen’s hands. it seemed, however, that the young man’s mind was somehow not processing that you needed medical attention immediately, that you needed to be tended to immediately. instead, they all watched in absolute horror as lohen’s hands kept tracing across your skin gently, his lips muttering gentle and loving pleas for you to awaken. “lohen, you need to bring her out!”
as if his own mind and heart were unable to accept how poor of a state you’d been left in.
your one eye fluttered open ever so slightly, initially staring up at the dark sky before blurring over to find lohen’s blood-tainted eyes staring down at you. his lips were moving, muttering something, but your ears simply couldn’t process it. everything felt numb, as if you weren’t even real anymore. but his touch, the feelings of his touch tracing over your hair with so much love, his tear-filled eyes blinking rapidly down at you, were the only fact you were sure of. as your other eye blinked open, it was as if its very sight snapped lohen out of his stupor of shock. the others couldn’t see why exactly lohen’s back stiffened so harshly, why his lips halted in their reverent blabbering. but the sight of your eye, its usual vividness, similarly faltered into a state of translucency, delivering a final message to lohen’s brain.
“i-i’m sorry.” your voice was nothing more than a whisper, yet it was the loudest sound as everyone and everything came to a halt. amber’s knees gave out from under her, unable to understand what was happening to her. the other knights were either staring in astonishment, anger coursing through their veins, or blinking up at the sky with tears brimming in their eyes, all wondering the same: why would someone do this to you? “l-l’hen,” your spoken words were unraveling as if your mouth wasn’t functioning the way you wanted it to, your vocal cords giving up on you. “i’m s-s-sorry.”
lohen’s arms scooped you right into his chest, pressing yours against his as your head landed in the crook of his neck. his hand was devoutly caressing your burnt hair, the other holding you firmly against his chest as he pressed kisses into your scalp, shaking his head. “don’t say that, bunny. don’t ever say that to me, please. please, baby, please. i-i, no, don’t say that!” his voice was frantic, picking up volume erratically as he kept shaking his head. “no, i said no! bun, stay with me, please. please, please, please!”
the barrier around your maimed form broke as the animals began pounding against its starry surface. in your mind, your command to protect the animals must’ve registered that they wanted to be let free and thus dropped the barrier. but in actuality, those same animals were desperate to get you the help you needed in this moment. salem’s clawing at lohen’s legs must’ve acted as some sort of divine intervention, for as the barrier broke, lohen’s arms secured you against his chest as he stood to his full height. even with his legs trembling beneath him and with silent tears streaming down his face, he kept your face hidden in his neck as he rushed to his horse.
jean shared an expression with varka, both in silent agreement about what to do. kaeya was given a mere glance from the two leaders before he jumped back onto his horse, zipping through the forest and back towards the city to gather the medics to make sure that you would be afforded the full extent of the medical care that you would need. amber was helped onto a horse by eula, who also gave a final nod to the two leaders before heading back into the city. after all, someone needed to organize the search for the culprits of this crime. albedo, however, stayed behind, and so did diluc, all sharing solemn expressions. someone needed to help lead lohen back to the city, but more so, albedo knew better than anyone else what to do in case your abyssal powers flared up. for diluc… well, regardless of stature or position, he did not believe an innocent person deserved this, and thus, he’d made it his personal mission to lend his aid.
lohen didn’t let anyone else near you, somehow managing to climb onto his horse with you held in his arms. words of encouragement and panic kept spilling from his lips, even when he set back off on the horse. varka and jean rode on each side, never speaking a word, but personally escorting the heartbroken man holding his most beloved lover back to the city. diluc rode in front to prevent anyone from interfering, while albedo rode in back to prevent anyone from sneaking up on them.
yet lohen’s attention remained on you and the silent breaths hitting his neck, assuring him that you were still with him. his heart was beating rapidly, almost as if it was doing its very best to beat for both of you. his brain had gone numb, only a slight buzzing present within his mind with one purpose: make sure you survive.
for the people who had done this would pay for their transgressions once you were safe and sound.
✦
the room in which they kept you was always so cold, laced with a lingering sense of doom and death. the bricks were uneven, both the ones forming the walls and the ones supporting one as the floor. your room was barren, holding nothing more than your crumpled form as you hid away in the corner. your legs were pulled all the way up to your chest, head hiding in between as a dull ache spread throughout your body.
this couldn't be your reality.
your head was full of an ache so deep, its vibrancy and potency shaking the very core of your existence. your hands were wrapped around your legs, nails digging into your knees with such force, despite your hands having been long since injured and rendered almost unusable.
lohen’s form never moved from your bed, ever. once you were back in mondstadt, your form was immediately rushed into a separate room with all the medics, barbara taking lead and promising to do her utmost to save you. lohen was inconsolable, pacing outside the room with his eyes glazed over, not responding to any sort of conversation, blockage in his way, or even noticing varka’s hand trying to grab a hold of him. the people of mondstadt had seen the rush into the city, but upon learning what was happening, some had taken to protesting outside the headquarters.
to ensure that lohen didn’t merely embark on a murder spree, taking down every single person in cold blood with a smirk of revenge painted on his face, jean and lisa stayed behind to watch lohen, whilst the others ran down. kaeya, eula, albedo, and even diluc stood behind varka in front of the large entrance to the headquarters, hands folded behind them and eyes examining every single individual present. varka may have been attempting to calm down the crowd, but the remaining four were doing something entirely different; they were singling out anyone who may have been complicit in this crime.
after all, they had to find the culprits before lohen did. for if lohen did not find the actual culprits, there would be no saying what he’d do to any and all whose tongues uttered any venom towards you. but even if lohen did find the culprits, they were all well aware that he did not possess that same convention of not harming people—in fact, he would be sharpening all of his tools, ready to get his vengeance on anyone whose eyes had ever even glared at you.
when he’d left you that very morning, you’d seemed happy, rolling your eyes lovingly at him as you waved at him. your morning started slow with lohen refusing to get out of bed, insisting that the two of you merely sleep a little longer. on any other day, you would’ve refused, reminded him that he had duties, and insisted that he get up. but on this particular morning, to his surprise, you’d merely given him a small nod and cuddled back into his chest. even when making him a cup of coffee, your smile was like no other, sparking a gentle warmth in lohen’s chest as he enjoyed watching you move around with ease.
“if i was a worm, would you still love me?” lohen questioned abruptly, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest. his crimson eyes were stuck on your face, trailing down to appreciate the earthy dress you were wearing before returning to your face.
your eyebrows had furrowed together in confusion, halting your movement as you peered at lohen. “why would you be a worm?”
“it’s a hypothetical question, bunny. i’m curious.”
“uhm…” your head tilted to the side as you genuinely pondered the question, making lohen grin in amusement. you were so serious about everything, never once awarding any of his stupid questions with anything less than your full attention. lohen’s blood pumped louder as he watched you lean back, crossing your arms over your chest as well, eyes still staring up at the ceiling as you tried to come up with an answer. “i think that if you somehow became a worm, some feelings i hold for you would change, but not all. i would still do my utmost to care for you, making sure your worm self was fed, cared for, and able to live safely. but i would no longer have that urge to seek you out; i would presumably not feel that same way about you, but only in a physical sense. i think my affections for you would not falter, but they’d merely adapt to the situation and become more so benevolent rather than affectionate.”
and truly, lohen was speechless. you seemed perplexed at his reaction, his crimson eyes widening significantly at your answer, jaw dropping as he was left breathless. your own eyes widened, perhaps wondering if you’d given the wrong answer and upset him. throughout the many months, lohen knew that you were actively making a change to be more socially conscientious and aware of how your words may affect others; in this situation, he figured that you were most likely wondering if you’d hurt his feelings, delivering an answer that did not match what he wanted to hear. but you weren’t a liar, so as he took in the radiance of your eyes, he could tell your brain was working itself into an impasse.
a small gasp of surprise escaped you when a pair of arms clasped your body, pulling you into lohen’s body as he caged you against his chest. his face was pressing into your neck, those sharp canines grazing against your skin, as he peppered your skin with delicate kisses. you could feel his grin against your skin, but your own arms still hung limp by your sides, bewildered and clearly disoriented.
your answer was absolutely perfect and so utterly and unequivocally you.
they thought that he was too caught up in his own head and grief to notice. they assumed that his pacing outside your room for hours on end, spanning days of no sleep and lack of food, was merely his way of coping with your current situation. and to some extent, they would be correct. however, they should’ve also known better than to assume that lohen wouldn’t begin to piece it all together, especially thinking that he wouldn’t notice their little whispered conversations. continuously scattering into corners, exchanging small amounts of information, and showing names written on papers, they just presumed that lohen’s hazy eyes and silent voice were an indication of a chaotic and distressed mind.
yet when a horde of dead bodies was found outside the city gates one morning, lined up perfectly with extensive burn wounds, missing limbs, and heaps of dried blood beneath them, there was no doubt who’d been at play. the others became complacent in their monitoring of lohen, coming to assume somewhere along the lines that he would merely stay put outside your room if they weren’t there to monitor him.
but lohen had been listening, he had been observing, and he had been planning. every name spoken by any of his comrades, any information exchanged, and any involvement mentioned—all of it had been overheard by lohen whose mind stored that information away with intent to act on it. varka and jean left first, with everyone else subsequently also leaving after, either overtaken by sleep or leaving to plan how to apprehend the culprits.
that left lohen all on his own in a situation where all he could do was sit around and wait for news. the medics had locked all doors and windows, making sure to not let anyone else in, as they worked tirelessly. jean had been inside to deliver food and drinks for the medics, but beyond that, the room had been off-limits to anyone else. lohen wanted to do nothing more than see your beautiful face, but beyond that, he also wanted revenge. he wanted you to awaken from his atrocious nightmare and no longer be threatened by these people, ones willing to burn down your home and your body merely for their own satisfaction.
capturing every single culprit wasn’t exactly difficult, seeing as they were gathered just beyond the city gates, hiding away in fear of being seen or discovered. from what lohen had gathered before he struck, they’d seen the captains and grandmasters rushing back with your limp body and come to understand that you were not as alone as they’d assumed—they couldn’t merely leave you for dead and go unpunished. but as lohen emerged from behind, grinning maliciously to himself with only the lingering memories of your broken eyes gazing up at him with so much pain swirling around, there was no hesitation in throwing the potions at the crowd, rendering them unconscious within seconds, all with the intent of inflicting horrors beyond any upon each and every single one of the culprits present.
all the dead bodies were recovered and buried by the captains, ensuring that no citizen of mondstadt or regular knight would see the gruesome display of revenge, causing more sorrow or division amongst the city. when varka and jean returned to the headquarters, captains in tow, none were particularly surprised to find lohen sitting outside your room, sharpening his dagger. questioning him did absolutely nothing for a man whose vivid smile of blood and hatred never once faltered. but somewhere along the lines, nobody genuinely condemned the man.
not a single person unrelated to this incident had been harmed by his blade. only people whose involvement had been confirmed by his fellow knights and who’d admitted to guilt during a rather intense questioning had been left with wounds mirroring yours and with their lives taken. there were grounds for punishment, and by all means, there should have been real consequences for lohen and his crusade. he should not be able to get away with murdering ten people, scattering their bodies across the grass to be seen and shamed. yet not a single person could shake the expression of horror on lohen’s face upon locating your body, seeing his fingers tracing your wounded body so gently, as if he simply could not conceive your pain and its severity.
after seeing lohen, the grandmaster called everyone in for an unofficial meeting about this incident. kaeya was the first person to simply turn around and walk away; albedo was the second. eula let out a sigh, rubbing her temples in annoyance, but followed the other two captains. diluc had no say in this, no longer part of the knight regiment, and so whatever opinions he may have had, he chose to keep to himself and merely make his exit. only jean and varka remained behind, staring down at lohen with disapproving stares and crossed arms, while the man now pretended to sleep peacefully in a chair outside your room.
the abyssal energy was beginning to course through your veins, its viscosity and taste defiling your mouth as you gagged continuously. your body was slumped to the floor of your cell, black vomit trickling from the corner of your mouth, while your eyes tried to blink sluggishly at the figure sitting in the corner on a chair. years had passed since they’d brought you here, and sometimes you heard screams resounding throughout the area you were in, resembling the voices of those people you once knew. perhaps it was a trick to mess with your mind, or maybe it was truly your former neighbors being exposed to similar horrors.
you would never really know, for in this place, everyone and everything held an agenda. there was a continuous and unrelenting attempt to disintegrate and corrupt the minds of those stuck here. everyone was a liar; everyone was beholding their own motives and purposes, and nobody was to be trusted. you’d been fighting for years. ever since they brought you here, yammering on in long droves about how it was vital that you became acquainted with combat, whilst simultaneously being forced to learn how to incorporate abyssal energy into your natural abilities of witchcraft. if you were not being forced, with a knife pressed to your spine and hordes of monsters ready to maim you, to read books and rolls with ancient wisdom and knowledge about abyssal energy, its usage, and its ability to corrupt and alter anything and everything, you were being forced to fight.
when you first became a captive of this place and were forced to pick up a sword every day, fighting for your life and your own survival, it wasn’t because you wanted to. frankly, at that point after the horrors you’d seen at such a tender age, all you wanted was to merely surrender to the world and cease to exist. however, your parents would never let that happen, and the thought of surrendering to an abomination like this would never sit well with you. so day in and day out, you picked up that sword and fought back. you were beaten to the ground every day, left to bleed, and expected to lick your own wounds, but you never gave up.
day after day, month after month, year after year.
your abilities grew exponentially, but their emergence also dulled the life, which had once been so pertinent to your understanding of the world. you spent all day slaughtering monsters brutally, then being beaten to the ground yourself by a stronger enemy. insults were hurled your way every day, but even you knew that they were ultimately hollow. for nobody else had survived this hell besides you, whose body had long since become accustomed to the oppressive power of the abyss. the smallest amount infiltrating your mind, body, and soul every day became significant enough for you to summon its power, imbuing your rather dull and old sword with baleful and iniquitous power. day after all, you brutally took down monsters of the abyss with nothing more than a blank sheen over your eyes and a silent hand.
until the day the master of this mission grew infuriated with your ability to wield the abyss’ strength without allowing it to corrupt you, to eat away all your humanity, and force you into its submission. that was the day he gave the order: let the abyss corrode any sense of life left in her.
and thus your hands were taken from you, and your once sparkling eyes, once full of curiosity and life, were stripped of their radiance and magnificence, replaced with a void mirror.
✦
you weren't dead.
that was the first thing the healers and medics made sure to communicate one morning, days after the brutal attack on your home. the very potions created by your own hands were instrumental in saving your life, working in tandem with the procedures the medics were performing and the healing magic being bestowed upon you. lohen had never felt so relieved in his life, feeling his eyes flutter closed and a deep sigh flowing through his body, silently letting go of that mountain of anxiety and fear that had been welling up within his body and mind. the others weren't around from the early morning due to their own responsibilities, leaving lohen on his own to receive this news.
"we cannot explain what's happening with her hands, however," barbara explained to the vice-captain as she finally let him into the room, which he'd practically been stationed at ever since he brought you here. "they're still not recovering."
but lohen's brain was not taking in anything said by the deaconess whatsoever, for his entire being was consumed by your figure lying on the bed ahead of him. the blonde healer sighed to herself once she realized that the man standing next to her wasn't listening to a single word she'd said, but as she glanced up at him, she found that her annoyance faded to a smile instead. his crimson eyes were glassy in a manner she'd never seen before, brimming with unshed tears. his one hand had come to cover his trembling chin, and the other was fisted into his trousers, but his shoulders were slumped. the vice-captain was not known to show many emotions, especially regarding other people, but it was clear as daylight that he'd never cared for anyone like he did you. so barbara did what anyone else would do and made a quiet exit, ensuring the boy got all the privacy he needed.
after all, the last time he saw you was when you were on the verge of never returning to his life again.
lohen's feet carried him forward, his grip on his own face tightening significantly, the pain assuring the knight that he wasn't actually dreaming anymore. you were alive. you were right there in front of him, even if your skin was colorless and nearly lifeless underneath the lights of the room. your hair was spread out across the pillow supporting your head, the strands now inconsistent due to the hair that'd burned off, but with no visible burn marks lining your scalp. your eyes were closed, and perhaps in another world, lohen would be pleading with you to just show him those deep and lustrous eyes, but his mind couldn't shake what he'd seen that night. the sight of your hands and eyes being translucent… the others had tried to convince lohen that perhaps they'd begun to lose their vivacity due to the extent of your injuries, but the knight had other theories—because he knew for a fact that your control of the abyssal powers in your body was not so fickle.
your skin had been wiped clean by the people taking care of you, removing all traces of blood, tears, and soot on your face and skin. instead you were pale, your skin dulled out and your lips dried, which made lohen shake his head in bitter amusement; you'd never allow your face to be dry or your lips to be anything less than butter smooth and glossy from your favorite homemade balm. he'd taken a seat on the mattress, pulling your entire arm into his lap as he did his best to not let his thoughts venture back to his own bad memories. he knew that you were the strongest woman he knew, one whose existence had brought life and elation back to his life, but some part of him couldn't help but fear that this was your final breaking point.
he was afraid that you were done fighting.
your breathing was steady, and unbeknownst to even himself, lohen's breathing had instinctively begun to match yours. the lights were turned off by the man whose eyes were relishing in the sight of you, now laying on his side by your side with his head resting in the palm as his crimson eyes greedily wandered across your unconscious body. the torn and bloodied dress you'd been wearing had been replaced by a simple colorless one, lohen's hand pulling the thin sheet further up your body once he noticed the small goosebumps caused by the icy breeze. the natural shimmer in your skin may have faded ever so slightly due to your current condition, but to lohen, you were simply as radiant as ever. his hand glided over your shoulder, grazing across your neck and steadily folding around your cheek, fingers curling around your jaw as his thumb caressed the skin beneath your eye.
even when unconscious and recovering from such extensive injuries, you were just so beautiful in his eyes.
and when varka would enter the room later, having been briefed by barbara, he wouldn't be able to hold back the smile forming on his exhausted face. for laying on the bed was your healing body, calm and still, pale and tired, but with a certain vice-captain wrapped around you with all the love in the world. a leg thrown over yours, an arm curled protectively over your waist, and his head resting on the center of your chest, lohen was finally resting properly for the first time since the ambush on your home. and who could forget the small black cat curled up on your stomach, lohen's other hand resting gently atop her fur.