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Ever since Fisk took office, keeping New York safe has become somewhat of a challenge. In the name of keeping the city safe, his Anti-Vigilante Task Force targets anyone they think might cause any sort of trouble, and in doing so they've only caused more problems for the people they supposedly protect. The polls say the city has never been safer, but anyone who's actually been on the streets can tell you that can't be further from the truth.
The city is buzzing with restless, anxious energy. You can't walk three blocks without seeing or hearing an altercation, no one trusts anybody, people call the AVTF on anyone they find slightly suspicious or unsettling—even their own neighbors—, and anyone who tried to make a difference before Fisk came back has either skipped town, gone into hiding, or been kidnapped by the AVTF.
So, when the New Avengers are announced, Peter Parker is somewhat relieved.
They are backed by the government, which means that the AVTF can't touch them, they are formed by people with years of experience and, yeah, maybe they have shady backgrounds, but that just means they can get into the criminals' minds much easier than the rest of them can.
So, when he sees them on the news after they defeat the city-consuming darkness they call the Void, Peter feels hope for the first time in months.
That hope doesn't last long.
The New Avengers only tackle carefully selected big scale missions—which, sure, it makes sense since they're Avengers, but the violence on the streets keeps rising while they sit in their big, cozy tower, and when they don't even bother to make an appearance when Daredevil—who, apparently, is his old lawyer? That explains a few things—declares open war on Fisk at the Supreme Court and dozens of civilians die at the Mayor's hands, he accepts the sad truth that they aren't there to keep the city safe.
That's why, when a few days after he survives his metamorphosis, he comes home to find the White Widow herself waiting for him to try and recruit him into the New Avengers, he says no.
She takes his rejection much better than Tony did all those years ago when he was just a kid who really did have homework, but just like Tony had kept insisting until he agreed, Yelena Belova tells him to think about it, and that she expects a different answer when they meet again.
If he avoids going anywhere near the New Avengers' Watchtower after Yelena's visit to lower the chances of running into her again, no one needs to know.
Things are quiet for a while afterwards. Now that MJ and Ned know everything and he's more man than spider again, his life is finally going back to his version of normal. The AVTF is gone, he's starting to figure out how to balance Spider-Man and Peter Parker again and, for the first time in four years, he looks forward to what the future may bring.
What that's going to be in the long term is still a mystery, but, as it turns out, in the short term it's a dog.
He's swinging home when he looks down and sees a dog walking in the middle of the not-so-empty street. Before a tragedy can occur, Peter swings down to the dog and pulls him to the sidewalk. The dog yelps in surprise when Peter yanks him up by his purple collar, but he thankfully doesn't try to rip Peter's face off.
"Hi buddy, sorry about that," Peter says in the calmest voice he can manage. He looks around, trying to find anyone who might claim the dog as theirs, but no one does. He offers a hand for the dog to sniff, and in response he looks at Peter, blinks his single eye, and puts his paw on Peter's hand, making him laugh. "You're a good boy, aren't you? Where'd you come from? You got a name?"
The dog tilts his head, revealing the metal name tag his fur was covering. Peter scratches the dog while he reads it. On one side there's a phone number, while the other reveals the dog's name is Lucky.
He pulls his phone out, masks his phone number, and dials the one on the name tag. It rings three times before Lucky's owner picks up.
"Hello?" says a woman's voice.
"Hi! This is Spider-Man, and I think—"
"Spider— What?"
"I think I found your dog, Lucky? Golden Retriever, one eye, purple collar?"
"Oh my God! I've been looking for him all over! Where is he? Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's okay, I found him crossing the street at"—he looks around to try and see any street signs—"5th and 29th, but he's fine. I can bring him home, if you want. Or you can come pick him up, whatever's best."
"Would you really? I'm at Park and 41st."
Aw, man, that's awfully close to the Watchtower. Lucky nuzzles his head on his free hand, telling him to suck it up and take him home. Or at least that's what Peter assumes he says. Well, if Yelena ambushes him, he can always try and distract her with Lucky…
"Yeah, for sure, that's just, what, a twenty minute walk? We can do that, can't we, Lucky?"
The dog sneezes in agreement.
"Thank you so much, you really are a lifesaver. I'll tell the doorman to send you up when you get here."
"It's no problem. Lucky will be home soon!" He hangs up the phone, puts it away on the suit's phone-designated pocket, and crouches down to give Lucky some more ear scratches. "Let's get you home, yeah?"
Making sure it doesn't stick to Lucky's fur, he makes a web-leash and ties it to the purple collar before setting course for Park and 41st. Despite Lucky stopping to smell every lamppost and corner they walk by, they keep a steady pace up until the Watchtower comes into view, when they decide to take a little detour and walk a few more blocs than necessary to stay clear of it.
The doorman is already waiting for them when they get there. He greets them with a smile, says Miss Bishop is expecting them, leads them to the elevator, and presses the penthouse button for them. As they go up, Peter searches his mind for a Miss Bishop. The name rings a bell, but his brain doesn't quite place it until they're greeted by a black haired woman dressed entirely in purple.
Right, Kate Bishop: New York socialite, the new Hawkeye, and the leader of some hero team out on the West Coast. He remembers hearing about her a few years ago, but they never crossed paths before she left New York.
"Hello, Spider-Man."
He gives a small wave. "Hawkeye."
Kate crouches, kisses Lucky's head, and turns around to walk into the house. "Please, come on in."
Before Peter can find a polite excuse to decline her offer, Lucky sets off running after his owner, pulling him along by the makeshift leash. With no choice but to follow, Peter stumbles forward into the penthouse, barely managing to kick the door shut behind him or notice the high security locks on it.
"Can I get you anything?" she asks as she walks further into the penthouse and into the kitchen. "Water? Soda? Something stronger?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you," Peter answers as he struggles to detach the web from Lucky's collar. "I don't drink and swing."
"Come on, you found my dog, least I can do is get you a drink."
"It's—It's fine, really. I should get going, anyway." With one last yank, the web finally separates from the collar. He balls it up and looks up to find Kate holding up a trashcan. He throws the web inside of it. "Thanks."
"No, thank you for finding Lucky." She nods towards the dog as he runs out of the kitchen. "We just moved back to New York, and I guess he wanted to go out and see if everything was still the same. He used to live on the streets, so he knows them well, but I worry all the same."
Ignoring his previous answer, Kate gives him a coke while she keeps talking, telling him all about her trip back from L.A. Not sure what to do with the can, Peter holds it awkwardly in his left hand. Giving it back now would be rude, but opening it and not finishing it before he leaves would be a waste of a perfectly good drink—and he can't open it and take it home because of the swinging, so. He holds it.
"You know, it's actually funny that you're the one who found him," Kate continues, which draws Peter's attention back to her. "You know the people I said I came back with? Well, they're my team—as in superhero team—and I think you would fit right in with us."
The pieces start clicking inside Peter's head, making him narrow his eyes in suspicion. He looks at Kate, then back to the front door Lucky theoretically escaped through, then back at Kate.
What are the chances that a dog that belongs to a superhero would run out of a heavily secured penthouse and somehow be let out by the nice doorman, just to be found and brought back home by Spider-Man, the one person Kate wanted to see?
"Hold on. Did you use Lucky as bait to lure me here to… recruit me?" Kate stares at him, mouth agape, which he takes as a yes. "That is so not cool, dude. Not cool at all."
"What? No! I would never use Lucky as bait!" Kate says too fast, too high pitched, clearly lying through her teeth. Peter turns on his heels and walks out of the kitchen as Kate curses, "Shit, shit, Kamala was so much better at this."
Peter stops at the front door, putting his hand on the doorknob. He waits for Kate to catch up to him before he says, "Look, I'll tell you the same thing I said to the White Widow. I already tried this whole Avengers thing—going to space, fighting big threats, having the weight of the world on your shoulders every single day—, and that's fine if it's your thing, but it's not mine. Not anymore. So you guys go and do all of that, and I'll stay here to protect the city while you protect the world."
"Wait, the White Widow? Yelena? You know Yelena?"
Peter blinks. That is what she got from what he said? "I mean, I wouldn't say I know her. It's more like she broke into my apartment while I was out, waited for me to come home, and tried to convince me to join the New Avengers over a very threatening dinner."
Kate frowns, muttering to herself, "She was— She also made you— Oh. No, it's fine, I just thought— No, of course not, she's a Black Widow, you knew it was just an intimidation tactic. Was it— Did she make you mac and cheese?"
Peter opens and closes his mouth a few times. Why does this feel like a trick question? "She— She bought tacos from the place down the street."
"Oh, okay, then maybe— No, no, you know it wasn't like that. It's been four years, she probably doesn't even remember you. Why would she, anyway. It's not like you shared a life changing experience or anything. It was just an assignment. Why wouldn't she—"
Peter waits a few seconds, but when he concludes that whatever spiral Kate's fallen into isn't going to end anytime soon, he turns the knob and leaves the penthouse as quietly as he can.
That was weird.
It's only when he gets home that he realizes he's still holding on to the coke Kate gave him. He opens it without thinking, and the swing-shaken drink explodes out of the can, covering everything around him and himself in a disgusting sticky mess that's gonna be a pain to clean up.
Aw, man.
A week later he's helping push a broken down car out of the way when his spider-senses go off. He's being watched.
He tries to steal a look around while he pushes the car. None of the pedestrians on the sidewalk seem suspicious, nor do any of the cars driving by. The sun reflects on the windows of the buildings nearby, so he can't really see if anyone's watching him from any of them.
"Okay, I think here's good," the car's driver says as they pull the hand brake. "Thank you so much, Spider-Man."
"Yeah, no problem!" He steps away from the car and turns around to— "Sheesh! How'd you do that?"
Yelena Belova, dressed in what looks like a tourist disguise—Yankees cap, purple sunglasses, an ugly 'I love New York' t-shirt, and loose ripped jeans—, greets him with a satisfied smirk just a foot away from him.
"I heard you turned down the Champions."
"The who?"
"The Cha— Kate Bishop's team."
"Oh, yeah." Peter scratches his head. "I did."
"Why?"
He frowns. "Same reason I turned you down. You guys can do whatever you want, but I'd rather stay here and fight for my people."
"But they—"
"Which, speaking of, I think I hear someone calling for me," he lies as he steps away from the blonde.
Yelena's eyes narrow behind her sunglasses. "What? I don't hear anything."
"Heightened hearing." This part, at least, is not a lie. His hearing isn't good enough to hear someone yelling for him five blocks away with all of this noise, but it is heightened. "Comes with the spider-senses. It's a whole thing."
Without waiting for her response, he swings away, hoping to put as much distance between himself and Yelena as living in the same city will possibly allow.
Is he reading too much into things, or did she look more disappointed when he confirmed that he didn't join Kate than she did when he rejected her own offer? And how'd she hear about that, anyway? Did Kate tell her? The archer's reaction to him mentioning Yelena the other night certainly implied that they know each other—after all, it wouldn't be the first time a Hawkeye and a Black Widow have a shared history. Maybe Clint introduced them to each other after—or maybe even before—the New Avengers formed in hopes his protegee and his best friend's sister would be the Hawk and Widow of the new generation. Peter smiles to himself. That would be a cool way to continue their legacy.
He's made it about ten blocks when the sudden sound of glass breaking draws his attention back down to the streets. He sees people running out of and away from a jewelry shop, and he immediately swings down to bust a robbery.
There's three guys in ski-masks taking as much jewelry as they can from every glass display they've managed to shatter, and they all turn to look at him when he drops in and asks, "Really, guys? In broad daylight?"
Guy number one proceeds to yell at guy number two to "Get him!" while guy number three picks up the pace and smashes yet another glass display. Number two pulls out a gun, which Peter quickly jams with some web before kicking him out of the way and tying his wrists and feet together with more web. In response, number one yells something Peter doesn't hear over all the noise and pulls out two guns. He fires three bullets, missing Peter every single time as he jumps out of the way with ease. With a quick maneuver, he hits number one with enough force to send him flying across the shop and uses some web to pin him to the wall. Before Peter can turn his attention to him, number three makes a run for it, and almost makes it out the door before an arrow lands between his feet and starts oozing a purple goo that hardens almost instantly, gluing his feet to the floor.
A few seconds later Hawkeye, in all of her purple glory, strolls into the shop. She takes off her very familiar looking purple sunglasses and puts them on the top of her head. "Hey, Spider-Man. That was the last one, right?"
"Yeah, that was three."
"Cool!" With a grin she goes to take the jewelry-filled bag from number three, who pulls it back from her. Kate stares at him, dead-eyed. "Seriously, dude? You're not— You're stuck. You're not taking them home." Number three holds her gaze in defiance until he hears sirens in the distance and, reluctantly, accepts his defeat. Kate takes the bag from him and throws it next to the cash register, right in front of number one, who's struggling with the spider-web that binds him to the wall. "So, how's it going?"
"Oh, fine, yeah. Good." As they walk out of the store to give the police some space to do their job, Kate gestures for him to walk with her, then rethinks it and stops after a few steps. "How about you?"
"We just stopped a robbery, so I'd say it's been a pretty good day so far. But I, uh…" She looks around, noticing all the people who have stopped at various points in the street to see what all the commotion is about. "Could we go somewhere quieter?"
"Sure," Peter's mouth says before his brain can say no.
Kate smiles, nods once, and shoots an arrow at a nearby rooftop. She pulls on the rope that somehow attached the arrow to the bow and flies up towards the rooftop. Peter follows after her, easily swinging up behind her. He lands a few feet away from Kate and stands awkwardly while she puts the arrow back in the quiver, snaps her bow shut, and attaches it to her belt.
"So," she starts, "I wanted to apologize for ambushing you like that the other day."
Oh.
Oh, he was not expecting that at all.
"Oh, no, it's fine—"
Kate shakes her head. "It's not. I should've just approached you like a normal person, and instead I used Lucky to charm you and get you alone like a creep."
"That… was a weird choice, yeah."
"It was, wasn't it?" Kate laughs. "So, are we good?"
She points her fist in his direction. Peter nods and fist-bumps her. "We're good. Thanks for the assist down there, by the way. We made a good team."
"Team? Does that mean you're taking me up on my offer?" The lenses on Peter's mask must widen as much as his eyes do, because Kate cracks up laughing again. "Kidding. I'm just kidding. But don't think I'm giving up this easily. You said it yourself, we're a good team, and I really do think you'd like it with us."
Peter sighs. He probably should've seen this coming. If Yelena didn't take his no for an answer, why should Kate? He's just gonna have to avoid their part of Manhattan. And maybe move back to Queens. They won't follow him all the way to Queens. Probably. Hopefully.
"Not more than you would with us," says Yelena, which, what the hell? When did she get here? How'd she catch up to them so fast? And how the hell does she keep getting past his spider-senses? That shouldn't be possible. Peter glances at Kate, who looks even more surprised than he is, and takes a few steps back when he sees Yelena's eyes are set on the archer.
Kate struggles to find her words, opening and closing her mouth a few times until what comes out is, "Are those my sunglasses?"
Yelena smiles, "Yes."
"How did you— I lost those in L.A."
"Did you? How weird," Yelena shrugs. "Isn't that weird, Peter?"
Now it's his turn to open and close his mouth as he tries to come up with an answer that will protect his identity. Yelena raises an eyebrow at him as if to say 'don't bother', and he throws his arms up.
"Why— She didn't know my name!"
"Yes, she did."
"I did," Kate confirms apologetically.
"Oh."
"Sorry. I kinda own the biggest security company in the country, so. Yeah. Pretty easy to find. Sorry."
"No, it's fine, I guess." He sighs and gestures between the two women. "You two know each other, then?"
"Know each other?" Kate asks, her tone an octave too high. "I don't think I would say we know each other. What does knowing someone even mean, anyway? Like, is sharing a long conversation over a pot of mac and cheese knowing someone? Is fighting and agreeing to go for drinks but never actually doing it knowing someone? I mean, we've shared two conversations, but I wouldn't say we know know each other, you know? Actually, I would say she definitely knows me more than I know her." She stops to catch her breath, and in response to Peter's confused stare and Yelena's amused one, she adds, "What with the background check and all."
Peter turns to Yelena. "Is this normal? Should I be concerned?"
Kate gestures towards the blonde and adds, "I didn't lose those when I moved, did I?"
Yelena laughs, shrugs, and starts backing away with a smile. "How should I know?"
Without turning to look, she drops off the side of the building. Peter runs to catch her while Kate stays frozen in place, but when he gets there Yelena's already gone.
He turns to Kate, who gestures vaguely and says, "She does that," because this is New York and people jumping off buildings with no apparent equipment to slow their fall is somehow part of the normal.
He's definitely moving back to Queens.
As both Kate and Yelena had threatened—err, promised—, they don't give up on trying to convince him to join their respective teams. But, for some reason he doesn't really understand—but probably is because it was Kate's first plan—they try to do so with animals.
He's on his way home from work when he sees Yelena coming towards him with a big dog. He considers making a run for it, but as soon as he notices the blonde's gaze is fixed on him he knows it would be useless.
"Peter Parker!" Yelena greets him in a cheerful tone that sends a shiver down his spine. "Weird meeting you here!"
"Yeah, so weird." Peter swallows and forces a smile. "How's it going?"
"Oh, good, very good. It's such a beautiful day, isn't it? I saw the sun and couldn't resist taking my Fanny out for a long walk."
"Your—"
"Fanny," Yelena repeats as she gestures towards the dog.
"Right, of course." Peter clears his throat and offers one hand for Fanny to smell, much like he'd done with Lucky not too long ago. "Hi, Fanny, I'm Peter."
The dog sniffs his hand for a few seconds before deciding he's trustworthy enough to lick once. Peter smiles and scratches her head.
"She likes you," Yelena says.
"She's very cute. And her fur is so soft."
"Soft and thick," Yelena says with a hint of mischief in her voice. She puts a hand on Fanny's back and buries it under her fur before pulling a guinea pig out of it. "Thick enough to hide him."
"What the—"
"Meet Cucumber. He also likes to go on walks, but he's too small to be on the street, so Fanny carries him around."
Cucumber blinks and squeaks in Yelena's hands, which Peter chooses to believe is his way of saying hello. Fanny nudges her head on Peter's hand to demand even more scratches, and he happily obliges.
For a moment he forgets why he wanted to run away when he saw them, but then Yelena has to go and remind him by saying, "You could see them everyday if you lived at the tower.
Peter retracts his hand, stopping the scratches. Fanny pokes his thigh with her snout to demand more.
"Look, they're very cute, but Kate already tried this, and it didn't work out for her either. I'm sorry, but my answer is still no."
Yelena's face drops, and Fanny goes from demanding attention to baring her teeth and growling at Peter. The blonde puts Cucumber back in his spot in Fanny's fur.
"Fine."
Without even glancing at him again, Yelena and Fanny walk past him and leave, leaving a very confused Peter standing on the sidewalk, uncertain of how he managed to make an enemy out of a dog in just one sentence.
A few days later, Peter's leaving the corner store closest to his place when Kate tries her luck again—or, uhm, accidentally bumps into him.
"Hey, Pete!" she waves and calls from across the street when she spots him. Keeping a strong hold of the pet-carrier in her hand, she looks both ways and masterfully avoids getting hit by a car as she runs across the street to meet him.
"Hi Kate." He gives her a little wave. "How's it going?"
"I'm good! Just taking Goose here to the vet."
She lifts the carrier up for him to see the orange cat inside it. The cat meows at him, so Peter waves at them in response.
"I didn't know you also had a cat."
"I don't. She's Carol's."
"Who's— Wait, Danvers? Captain Marvel has a cat?"
"Yeah, Goose!" Kate lifts the carrier again for emphasis. "Carol's in New Asgard, and Goose isn't welcome there since the incident, so she left her with us until she comes back."
"The incident?" Peter frowns. Just how much trouble can a cute little cat get into?
"You don't wanna know." Kate shakes her head slowly with a haunted look in her eyes before quickly going back to a smile. "Anyway, how are you? What are you up to?"
"I'm just getting some popcorn and drinks for movie night." Peter lifts the grocery bag in his hand much like Kate had done with the carrier. He's in charge of the snacks and drinks while Ned cooks one of his grandmother's dishes and MJ sets up the projector and sound system. They're finally watching the Alien movie that came out while MJ and Ned didn't know who he was—and the only one they haven't watched together yet. He nods towards Goose. "What's wrong with her? I didn't know there was a vet around here that opened this late."
"They do if you pay them enough," Kate says as if it was obvious. "We think she ate something she shouldn't again, so I'm just taking her in to see if they can make her vomit it. We still got some time, though. You wanna hold her?"
"I— well—"
"Come on, you're gonna love her," Kate says, already putting the carrier on the ground to pull Goose out. She takes the cat in her arms, turns her around, and offers her to Peter. "You're not allergic, are you? I probably should've asked that before pulling her out."
"I'm not." With no other choice, Peter accepts the cat with his free hand. "Hi there."
Goose smells him, meows, and snuggles up against him. Her purrs rumble across Peter's chest. He feels his lips forming into a smile. This is the cutest cat he's ever seen in his life. Whatever could she have done to be unwelcome in New Asgard? Maybe King Valkyrie is allergic to cats. That's probably it.
Peter's phone chimes in his pocket, reminding him he has a date with his two best friends.
"Oh, crap, I gotta go if I don't wanna be late, but it was so nice meeting you, Goose." He hands the cat back to Kate but, the second she takes Goose in her arms, the cat starts retching.
"Oh no." Kate puts the cat down on the sidewalk and steps back as the retching increases. "You should probably give her some space."
Peter's confused, but he does as told as the retching keeps getting harder and louder until Goose vomits… a laptop? A gray laptop covered in Captain Marvel stickers.
Captain Marvel's cat just vomited a whole laptop covered in Captain Marvel stickers.
"That's what you ate? Goose, you know Kamala needs that for class!" Goose meows in response. Kate sighs, "Well, at least we don't have to go to the vet now."
What the— Okay, so that's probably why the cat isn't allowed in New Asgard.
Peter's phone chimes again. Relief flows through his body. Saved by the bell.
"It was good to see you, but I"—he points behind him with his thumb—", yeah, bye."
He turns around and walks away in what he realizes is the opposite direction of his apartment. He'll just go around the block.
As he rounds the corner he hears Kate say, "Dude, you couldn't just wait until I'd pitched him the team again?"
MJ's already setting up in his apartment when he finally gets home. She glances at him from behind the TV and says, "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Nope, just a cat that eats laptops and is banned from New Asgard."
MJ stops, stares at him as she takes in his words, and nods like it makes sense.
"Can you help me check out the acoustics?"
Peter nods and all but runs to put the drinks in the fridge. "Yup, on it."
Somehow Goose isn't the weirdest animal he's introduced to as Yelena—or, at least, who he assumes to be Yelena—sends him a video of a pig doing tricks like a dog. It sits, rolls over, opens and closes doors, and brings a hunting knife to who he assumes is the Russian woman whose voice can be heard in the video.
'We could teach a spider, too' reads the caption on the video.
'My lease doesn't allow pets' he sends back before locking his phone and ignoring it for the rest of the day.
When he finally checks it at night, he finds an email from his landlord saying it would be fine if he got a pet as long as it was well trained.
He deletes the email and pretends he never saw it.
The animal bribes culminate not too long after, on a night he decides to order pizza while he fixes his fabricator, and it gets delivered by the one and only Kate Bishop.
"Hi!" She greets him when he opens the door. She's balancing his pizza on one hand and a box on the other. "I got your pizza!"
"You— what?"
"I was coming to see you when I ran into the delivery boy—Herman's nephew, we've known each other forever—and he let me bring it up when I said I was coming here anyway. Don't worry, I gave him a good tip."
He knows he'll regret asking before the words are even out of his mouth, but he does anyway. "And you were coming because…"
"I got you a present!" Still balancing the pizza on one hand, Kate moves the other forward to offer him the box. Peter accepts it and opens it slowly. Inside of it lies another box, this one made of transparent acrylic glass, that holds an ant colony inside of it.
Peter frowns. "You got me an ant farm?"
Kate nods, smile beaming. "Small bugs for the big bug!"
"What?"
"What?"
"Are these— Are these Ant-Man's?"
"No." He raises an eyebrow and Kate adds, "They're his daughter's."
Peter takes a deep breath, closes the box, gives it back to Kate, and takes his pizza from her.
"No."
"No?" Kate pouts.
"No. But thanks for the pizza."
He closes the door, locks it, and secures it with some web just to be safe.
Once it becomes clear no amount of cute animals will convince Peter to join either of their teams, Kate and Yelena take it up a notch and try using their teammates instead.
Peter thinks that should have probably been their first move—if he were to join a team, he'd be more likely to do so if he liked the other members—, but who is he to tell them how to do their jobs.
It's sort of funny, too, how they keep trying to recruit him without ever outright asking him. He remembers perfectly how Tony gave him virtually no other option but to say yes, but Kate and Yelena seem fine with his continued string of noes—in fact, they even seem to enjoy the challenge of figuring out just how much it will take to convince him to join either of their teams, and what they can do next to outdo the other one.
He meets Bob Reynolds on a Tuesday like any other.
He wakes up, goes to work, does some Spider-Manning during his breaks and then some more when he gets off, changes back into civilian clothes, and picks up some food—two very greasy burgers with fries to keep up his fast metabolism—on the way home to treat himself. It's not until he's crossing the street to get to his block that a man he's never seen before catches up to him and taps him on the shoulder.
"Hi, sorry, hi. Do you know how to get to Times Square from here? I got all turned around on the subway."
"Oh, sure, you just gotta—"
Something makes Peter stop mid sentence. It's not his spider-senses—this man is no more of a threat to him than anyone else wandering around at this hour is—, but it's a feeling similar enough to them to give him pause.
He examines the man. His slim composure, brown hair, awkward smile, the nervous fidgeting with the hem of his sweater, the lack of first-time-in-New-York-tourist kind of tells. He seems innocent enough, but no one has approached him—Peter, not Spider-Man—for directions in his life, and much less so in the middle of the night.
Peter narrows his eyes and, taking an educated guess, asks, "Did Yelena send you?"
"What? No! No, of course not. I'm just trying to get to Times Square. No. Who's this Yelena anyway?"
The man shakes his head a little too much to be convincing, so Peter waits. One second, two— The man's composure changes in the blink of an eye. His shoulders drop, the fidgeting stops, his nervous expression morphs into one of relief mixed with guilt.
"Okay, yeah, she did." He nods rapidly. "Oh, thank God you know. I was so sure I'd blow it up." He sighs, takes a few deep breaths, and gives him an awkward small wave. "I'm Bob, by the way."
"Hi, Bob." He's spent years protecting his secret identity just for Yelena to reveal it to everyone she knows. Awesome. "Look, I'm sure you're great, and I'm sorry she made you come all the way here for nothing, but I'm still not joining your team."
Bob nods and scratches his head. "That's fair. I'm— I'm sorry I bothered you."
"It's fine. Good night, Bob." Peter gives him a tight lipped smile and a short nod before walking the last few steps to his building's door. He puts the key in the lock, turns it and, because May raised him too well, turns back towards Bob, who's still standing where he left him, and calls, "Do you— Do you want to come up for a while? Make Yelena think you almost got me?"
Bob opens and closes his mouth a few times, looks around for a second, and then starts towards Peter and follows him inside and up the stairs. "Yes, thank you, that would be very nice, actually. She told me the fate of the team was on my hands? Which is crazy if you ask me, because I'm not even really part of the team, you know? But I couldn't just say no to her, could I?"
"You're not?" Peter asks as he pushes the apartment's door open. "Why'd she send you then?"
Bob shrugs. "I guess she thought I was her best shot."
Peter throws the bag of burgers on his desk and sits down before remembering his manners. It's been a while since he's had guests who aren't MJ or Ned over. He stands up again, almost running towards the fridge. "Do you want anything to drink? I have"—he opens the almost empty fridge—"water or soda. Oh, or coffee! I can make some coffee if you want."
"Water's fine, thank you."
With two bottles of water in hand, Peter makes his way back to Bob, who's standing awkwardly by the desk. He gives him the bottle of water, gestures for him to sit on the armchair by the desk, and sits on his chair.
"I also have two burgers, if you want one."
Bob sits and shakes his head as he looks around the apartment. "Oh, no, I'm fine. I ate earlier. Thanks, though."
Peter gestures towards the bag. "Do you mind if I…"
"No, no, of course."
Peter reaches for one of the burgers and for the fries, putting the latter on the corner closest to Bob. "Grab some, if you want. They're really good." He takes a bite off his burger. Bob doesn't reach for the fries. "So, what exactly was your plan? Ask me for directions and then… not take them?"
"I thought I'd start with small talk and then…" Bob takes a deep breath. "I don't know. I'm not good at small talk. I don't know why I thought it would work."
"To be fair, I think if Yelena hadn't been harassing me for weeks it probably would have." Or, at least, their initial conversation would have lasted longer than it did. "Did she want you to tell me how cool everyone in your team is so I'd want join?"
"Basically, yeah."
He finishes the first burger and reaches for the second. Noting the hesitation in Bob's answer, he asks, "But?"
Bob's eyes show the debate occurring in his mind, the fight between what he wants to say and what he thinks Yelena would think is the right answer. After a few seconds of deliberation, he decides to be honest.
"I mean, Ava is always fun to be around if you're not on the wrong end of her snark. John is, uh, not as much of a dick as he used to be, I guess. Bucky's fine, but he's always grumpy about something. And Alexei's… Yelena's dad." He drops his head in his hands and mutters, "Will you at least tell her I tried?"
Peter puts the burger down and waits until Bob looks at him again to show he means his words. "Yeah, man. I'll tell her."
It's only two days later, when he's waiting for MJ at Peter Pan Donut & Pastry Shop, that a blonde girl about his age sits across from him and clears her throat.
"What's wrong with my ants?"
Peter looks up from his phone, blinks, and frowns in confusion. "I'm sorry?"
"My ants. You didn't want them."
Because he's still not used to these ambushes being a normal part of his life, it takes his brain a few seconds to process the girl's words and connect the dots, but when it does he makes a mental note to really, really look into apartments in Queens.
"You're Ant-Man's daughter."
"Cassie Lang." She extends a hand over the table, which Peter shakes.
"The ants didn't work so Kate sent you? Ant… girl? Woman?"
"Stature, actually," Cassie corrects him. "For what it's worth, I told her not to give you ants. Not everyone gets their charm."
"At least they'd cause less trouble than the laptop-eating cat."
Cassie laughs. "You met Goose?"
"Yup." Peter nods slowly, then shakes his head to get rid of the flashes of Goose's retching. "She was part of Kate's second attempt to get me to join you."
"So I'm the fourth?"
"First human, though."
"What an honor," Cassie says sarcastically.
Because MJ will get here any second now and he doesn't want her to get dragged into any Spider-Man related business, he decides to cut to the chase.
"So, what's your pitch?"
Cassie shrugs. "I don't have one."
Peter frowns, crosses his arms over his chest, and leans back on his chair. "You don't?"
"Nope. I don't really care whether you join us or not. I mean, you're cool and all, but we're a pretty good team already, so if you don't wanna be there, we don't need you. No offense."
"None taken." Peter feels his body let go of some of the tension he didn't realize he'd been holding since Cassie sat across from him. He leans forward again. "Here's what I don't get, though. Kate comes and says the same thing, that it's okay if I wanna be on my own, but then she keeps trying and trying to get me to join you guys. Why?"
Cassie leans forward on the table and lowers her voice. "Between you and me, I don't even think she cares about you joining or not joining the team. I think she's just doing it because Ye—"
"Hello," interrupts the voice he's been waiting to hear all day.
He turns to see MJ standing a few feet away from him and feels himself relaxing and softening against his will—not that he wouldn't if he had the choice.
"Hi."
"Hi. Hello." Cassie's voice reminds Peter of her presence and whatever theory she was about the reveal, but when he looks back at her again she's already standing. "Sorry, I was just leaving. It was good meeting you, Peter. I'll see you around, I guess."
As Cassie goes out the door, MJ slides onto the now empty chair across from him. "Was that Ant-Man's daughter?"
Peter's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "How do you know that?"
MJ shrugs. "Spider-Man isn't the only superhero I keep up with."
Then, after a moment, she smiles, and Peter forgets about everything else.
It doesn't take Kate long to try again.
This time she finds him perched on a rooftop halfway through a patrol, and she doesn't come alone.
"Hi, Spidey!" She greets him as she climbs up the fire escape. "Busy day?"
"Not more than usual." So far he's stopped a couple pickpockets, had yet another argument with Frank after catching him beating someone too hard, and helped a young couple get their new thrifted sofa up their narrow stairs and into their apartment. "You?"
"Same." She smiles, takes off her sunglasses, and puts them on the top of her head. "We're just starting our patrol, actually."
"We?"
As if on cue, thunder cuts through the familiar noise of New York City. No, not thunder. The rumbling sound becomes louder and louder as an iron suit comes into view, flies down, and lands opposite to them.
The shock must be evident on Peter's mask, because Kate's smile grows even wider. "Spider-Man, meet Ironheart."
Ironheart retracts her helmet, revealing a face Peter remembers seeing only once before. "You can just call me Riri."
He hasn't thought about that day in years, but he still remembers it perfectly. Getting up before sunrise, the four hour drive with May, MJ and Ned to MIT for orientation day—they weren't even close to being students yet, but May insisted that if they acted like they belonged there no one would know, and so they went. They stayed at the back of the group, trying to draw as little attention to themselves as possible, but he distinctly remembers seeing Riri when they were given a tour of the tech labs.
She only lifted her head for a second, too absorbed in whatever she was working on—her iron suit, maybe—to pay any attention to the future students. Peter remembers admiring her focus, how she knew exactly what to reach for without needing to look or double check her work. He remembers thinking maybe they would get to work together if he got in.
It was just a few years ago, but the memories feel like they are from another lifetime, and they knock all the air out of his lungs. Just when he thought he'd made peace with the life he lost… He should know nothing's ever that easy by now.
"I, uh…" He stumbles back, only staying upright because of his enhanced agility. "I need to go. I'm sorry."
"What?" He's not sure what his lenses convey, but it's enough to make Kate reach for him. He bats her hand away.
"I'm sorry. I just— Sorry. It was nice meeting you. I'm sorry."
He jumps off the rooftop and swings. He swings and swings, and swings until he's home and he can rip his mask off and breathe.
Yelena's next attempt is… well, an unfortunate sequence of events might be the best way to put it. It certainly explains why her first choice was to send Bob on his own.
His spider-senses feel them before he sees them as Yelena, the Winter Soldier and U.S. Agent jump in to 'help him' against Tombstone. Except they don't really help, do they? Because they have never fought Tombstone, which means they aren't aware of the superhuman strength with which he throws U.S. Agent like a rag-doll, the bulletproof skin that stops every kind of bullet Yelena shoots at him, or the reflexes that are just as good, if not better, than Bucky's.
Peter does his best to work around their interference, but in the end Tombstone gets away, and Peter is left with three superheroes with bruised ribs and even more bruised egos.
Catching his breath, Peter gestures in their direction and asks, "You brought two this time?"
"We have American heroes," Yelena answers, pretending she's not just as winded as the rest of them. She wipes the sweat off her forehead and, when it becomes clear her words haven't caused any sort of reaction on Peter, she adds, "Kate Bishop doesn't."
Right, because them being American heroes will make him forget all about how they just got their asses kicked. At least when Kate jumped in to help she didn't let the bad guys get away… Not that he'd say that out loud. He's pretty sure Yelena would kill him if he did.
He draws his gaze away from Yelena and drags it towards the two men. First to U.S. Agent—John Walker, former Captain America—, who's struggling to put his bent shield back on his arm, and then to the Winter Soldier—former Congressman Bucky Barnes—, who he finds looking right back. The intensity in his eyes catches Peter off guard, and it sends a shiver down his spine.
"Didn't we fight in Germany?" asks Bucky.
John Walker looks up from his shield, brows furrowed in confusion. "Isn't he a little too young to be a Nazi?"
"What? Why would you think that?"
"…that he's young?"
"That he's a Nazi."
Walker looks between Peter and Bucky a few times, gestures between them, opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again to say, "You just said you fought him in Germany. In the— the war. Right?"
The two men fall into an argument over whether or not Spider-Man is a Nazi plucked from the Second World War while Peter wishes the Earth would swallow him whole. He did fight Bucky in Germany back when he was fifteen, and it ended with him getting thrown out the window by one of Sam Wilson's drones.
It's never nice to be reminded of the time you got your ass kicked in a German airport as a teenager, but seeing Yelena wearing his same embarrassed expression on her face does make him feel a little bit better.
As it becomes incredibly clear that Peter will not be swayed one way or the other with pets or teammates, Yelena and Kate switch tactics once again, this time trying to convince him to join them by all by themselves—only that whenever one of them shows up, so does the other, and the supposed recruitment attempts turns into what feels more like a competition Peter doesn't want to be a part of.
It doesn't matter where he goes or if he tries to hide, if he's not at work, locked at home, or with MJ and Ned, Kate and Yelena are there to make sure he doesn't get a single moment of peace.
If Kate shows up at his favorite cafeteria to buy his coffee for him, Yelena is right behind her with bagels to share.
If he decides it's time to actually buy groceries so his fridge looks a little less sad, he finds Kate buying pasta on aisle four and Yelena standing by the fresh produce on aisle six.
If he goes to the junkyard to try and find a specific piece to upgrade his fabricator, Yelena and Kate are suddenly also very interested in tech scraps even though one is an Avenger and the other a literal millionaire. Then they both offer to buy him as much tech as he needs, which results in him walking home with a box full of trinkets he doesn't need and has no use for.
If he's fighting one of his usual bad guys that just got out out of jail again, both Kate and Yelena show up to 'help' and make his job harder. Okay, that's not fair. They do make his job harder at first, but by the fourth fight they fall into a nice rhythm that almost makes him forget why he prefers being on his own.
See, it's not that he doesn't like being around them—he does think of them as friends in their own strange way—, it's that they… well, it's that it doesn't feel like they find him to see him anymore.
They do seem genuinely interested in his day and pay attention when he's talking, but they spend eighty-five percent of the time doing what he can only describe as their weird version of flirting. They argue, bicker, compete over whose team he'll choose without really involving him, allude to whatever happened on Christmas—at this point he's too scared to ask—, and stare at each other so hard it makes him feel like he's interrupting something.
Every once in a while one of them says something that crosses whatever invisible line they've decided is going too far and they leave him alone for a couple of days, but soon enough they show up again and make peace over who's brought Peter the best pizza.
Is it the friendship he thought he would eventually develop with other heroes? No, not at all. But then again, he has fun most of the time, and it's infinitely better than dealing with Frank's temper, so he can't complain.
That is until one day he comes home from work to find Kate, Yelena and MJ talking in the hallway.
He stops and does a double take, because he must be mistaken. It can't be them. He's told them that MJ and Ned know who he is, but he's also told them about wanting to keep his personal and Spider-Man lives separated so that he doesn't hurt his friends like that ever again. They know better than to—
Kate says something stupid, Yelena snorts, MJ's lips tilt upwards. Nope. It's them. It's them talking to MJ, breaking the one rule he's told them about.
"Oh, hey, Pete!" Kate greets him when she spots him, smiling like he's not using every ounce of self control he has not to kill her on the spot. "We were just waiting for you when MJ—"
"No," Peter interrupts her.
"No?" Yelena asks, sounding almost amused, as Kate frowns.
"Too far," he adds, then opens his door and gestures for the both of them to get inside. They hesitate but, when it becomes clear that Peter isn't in a joking mood, they step into the apartment. He turns to MJ. "I'm sorry for whatever they said."
Then he turns and closes the door behind him. He feels bad about leaving MJ outside with no explanation, but he won't stay mad for long if he talks to her, and he needs to be mad to get his words through Kate's and Yelena's thick skulls.
"What was—"
With a flick of his wrist he shoots a string of web to seal Kate's mouth shut.
"Ha!" Yelena laughs. "Always talking too mu—"
He does the same to the blonde, earning a muffled laugh from Kate.
"Sit."
Yelena raises an eyebrow in disbelief, needing no words to ask Peter who he thinks he is to order her around. Kate looks between him and the couch, hesitant to oblige if Yelena doesn't. He stares them down for what feels like an eternity until Kate caves and, after holding out for just a few more seconds, Yelena follows.
He stands in front of them with his hands on his hips and eyebrows raised until he realizes he looks like a parent about to say 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed'. He tries again, crossing his arms over his chest, but that feels unnatural, too. He drops his arms and opts for pacing instead.
"What the hell was that?" They try to answer with muffled sounds Peter ignores. "Look, I like you guys, so I can accept you revealing my identity to everyone you know or being a casualty of your weird, never ending foreplay disguised as attempts to recruit me, but this was too far." The intensity of their muffled protests increases as they try to rip the web off their mouths, so he shoots another string of web to tie their hands and support his point. "No. I talk, you listen."
Kate drops her shoulders and nods slowly while Yelena struggles against her web restraints for a few seconds before accepting her defeat with a killer glare. Once they settle, Peter continues.
"I explicitly told you I don't want to mix my personal life with Spider-Man any more than I have to. I told you that. I just got MJ back, and I don't want her getting hurt because of Spider-Man again. And you two— You went and willingly involved her in whatever this is. I don't know what you said to her, but I know her well enough to know she's gonna have questions. She'll want to know more. And that never ends well." He stops pacing, takes a long, deep breath, and makes sure to meet their eyes when he adds, "If you care about me half as much as you say you do, you will stay away from her. Please."
Without another word, he walks past them to the front door and opens it. Yelena's the first to stand. She looks at him like she wants to say something, making him wonder if she really would if her mouth wasn't sealed. He doesn't think so. Kate follows shortly after her, nodding once to let him know she's heard him.
"The web will dissolve in like an hour," he tells them once they're out the door. And then, because their sealed mouths and tied hands mean they can't argue or hit him, he adds, "And for God's sake, just figure it out already. It's been months. You really can't keep using me as an excuse to see each other."
He doesn't wait to see their shocked expressions or hear their muffled responses, slamming the door on their faces with a satisfied smile on his.
Three days later, when someone knocks on his door not even five minutes after he comes back from patrol, he doesn't need to look through the peephole to know who it is.
Still in his suit, he opens the door to a very apologetic-looking Kate and Yelena holding one pizza each. He steps to the side, letting them in, and follows them to the couch, where they sit on either side with the pizzas on their laps, forcing him to sit between them.
They sit in silence for one second, two, three, four—
"We hooked up," Kate blurts out. "Twice. It was great. You were right."
Yelena chokes on air. Peter grimaces and covers his ears, hoping that will make him un-hear Kate's words.
"He did not need to know that," Yelena says between coughs.
"I really didn't," Peter agrees.
Kate covers her red face with her hands. "I'm sorry, it just came out."
Hiding her blush much better than Kate, Yelena corrects, "She meant to say we're sorry. For MJ, and for using you to…"
"Thank you," Peter answers. "I'm glad you finally figured it out."
They nod, silently acknowledging his words. After a moment, Kate opens the pizza box on her lap and tentatively asks, "Apology pizza?"
Peter smiles and takes the box from her, putting it on his lap so that the three of them can easily reach it. They eat it in silence and forgiveness, settling into whatever this new version of their friendship will be. Which reminds him—
"I'm still not joining your teams."
"Okay, but why?"
"But we're so nice!"