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House Group Chat <3
Jade: Hey guys. I just got back from my English class and uh. Is anyone gonna address the elephant in the room?
Jade: Why the fuck is there a copy of the Book of Mormon in the living room?
Dolph: hey wtf
Dolph: okay why is there one of those books? Aren’t they some kind of pandering propaganda bullshit for Christians who want to spice things up by making up more bullshit rules
Sarah: Technically yes, also that has nothing to do with me I’ve been using an EPub for my research… why the fuck would I let a Mormon in.
Dolph: wait. @bullfrog
Dolph: i know you’re kind and curious but stop inviting those idiots in, you did this last time with that other type of christian.
Jade: Yeah… I gotta agree with that. I mean if I wanted to talk about theology I’d just go directly up to them.
Bullfrog: Ah yes! My apologies everyone, I was curious and they did seem hungry… no one seems to be taking pity and at least helping them meet basic needs. Besides, anything they’d find objectionable was not in sight.
Dolph: you mean like sarah
Sarah: Excuse me?
Dolph: i mean all of us, but you’re probably what they hate most that and I don’t like you and just wanted to take the piss
Sarah: Thanks. You succeed in pissing me off every single day and likewise, you’re ridiculously easy to insult. Your horrific taste in men, fashion and drinks make it simple.
Dolph: okay daddy issues.
Sarah: You take that back, at least I know mine’s alive and well. At least he tried.
Dolph: yeah and I think I want to try him in bed
Sarah: You disgust me. No wonder our neighbours are homophobic.
Dolph: no it’s your haircut. fuckass bangs and pixie cut or whatever
Sarah: Look, I’ll fix it when I have the time. Don’t you have some date with a sugar daddy to pop off on?
Jade: Jesus Fucking Christ Guys. Anyway, thanks for the honesty Bullfrog! And honestly I like that you’re always trying to help people but at least give us a heads up before inviting what’s essentially cult workers in. I know it’s about the people and not the establishment but if they saw anything that blew their sheltered world view accidentally I’d feel horrible.
Jade: They deserve to know they’re in a cult but like… in a serious way, not by being confronted by caffeine or gay people or anyone who… falls out of what they expect. You need to break it harshly. Not in some stupid way.
Jade: Also where the hell are you two? Bullfrog and I are waiting for you and like… he made tea and everything.
Dolph: gym
Dolph: opposite treadmills, we’ve been making eye contact this whole time
Jade: Are you fucking with me.
Dolph: nah that’s her job
Sarah: We’ll be done soon. Does anyone have anything against me claiming the bath tonight?
Jade: Not at all!
Sarah: Thanks Jade. Anyone else?
Dolph: no problem I’m probably going after you
Dolph: don’t do anything gay though
Dolph: you don’t like hearing about the dudes I let bang me and I don’t like seeing evidence of my friends doing shit
Sarah: We’re friends? Oh so you do care about us, how sweet.
Dolph: yeah, there’s bullfrog and jade, they’re sweet and all and you piss me off to no end
Dolph: don’t stop it though if i’m not mad at something i don’t feel right.
Sarah: You’re a good friend too, Dolph. I like having you around, it keeps everything feeling much more alive. There’s never a dull moment with you.
Dolph: cool because i get that but i think I’d rather kill myself then call you one of my closest friends cuz how’d i fuck up that bad
Sarah: Wow. Y’know what, fuck you too.
Dolph: ugh I’m done wbu?
Sarah: Yeah I’m finished. I’ve been waiting for you for the past ten minutes.
Dolph: have you really because i swear i just head some kind of anime song leak out of your headphones
Dolph: like peppy anime shit
Dolph: not judging you but are you actually running or listening to music you feel cringe for
Sarah: Both. But also could you make that a private message next time?
Dolph: nah you put me on blast all the time, having payback is more funny
Sarah: Again, can you not? I have a reputation to uphold. I’m a prosecutor in training and an upstanding member of society. I’m not a product of nepotism or some form of nerd. Is it even nepotism if your father isn’t even in the profession and barely allowed you to chase your dream?
Dolph: you take law… that’s for nerds
Jade: You’re allowed to be a multi-faceted person! I like all of you anyway… even the parts that are probably red flags. Whatever, I’m always in green it balances out like pedmas or something.
Sarah: You’re all so kind in your own ways.
Dolph: i still want your dad
Sarah: Nevermind, you ruined it.
Bullfrog: You all type so fast! Anyway you two should come home soon, perhaps if there’s time we can play scrabble 👀
Dolph: oh god who taught bullfrog about emojis
Dolph: also no offense but you guys suck at scrabble. bullfrog keeps playing French words we don’t know and sarah keeps using long ass words that none of us know 💀
Jade: Okay and that’s what makes it interesting? I’ve always wanted to learn languages via scrabble and listen to Sarah explain what defenestration is <3
Dolph: ok but you’re gay she could read terms and conditions and you’d pop a girl boner about it
Jade: And that’s not a crime! Besides it makes it feel like we’re really a friend group!
Dolph: wow you’re so normal and then say something really fucking sad no wonder people feel so protective over you
Dolph: tbh this is why i always joke about sarah’s bullshit i know you it’s just not my place to say jack about your family
Jade: Noted! But also lay off her sometime alright? Sometimes she’s just not well and you being… well, you can be counterproductive.
Dolph: is that another long word she taught you
Dolph: nah i’m joking @sarah you good?
Sarah: Honestly, no and I’m not going to be opening up anytime soon. All you need to know is that I’m not doing well.
Sarah: Besides, we should all do a Non-English scrabble round for fun. Unless you don’t know any other languages, Dolph? Or does your brain only store profanities?
Dolph: I speak Hindu, jackass. oh and bullfrog been teaching everyone french so im picking up on it ig
Dolph: wait u know other languages…
Sarah: Yes, German and Mandarin fluently. I also have a rudimentary understanding of French.
Dolph: oh god don’t get rejected from an art school on us
Sarah: Bastard. I’m not a painter, I took theatre on the side. Besides, I’m useless with a paintbrush.
Jade: I have Tagalog and Mandarin down as well! I’m not… not that good at French.
Sarah: Really? I thought you were taking to it so well given how much you like to speak it.
Jade: Nope. Nope I’m actually shit at it and really you gotta dm me next time you do that shdjcjfdmdwkzk
Sarah: I said nothing.
Dolph: wtf lesbians in my phone and house
Bullfrog: Aha… whilst what you two have is wonderfully cute and I’m proud of the growth that both of you have made as people over your biggest fears and doubts into who you are collectively… I doubt we want to hear much of it. Jade just dropped her phone in shock.
Bullfrog: And here I thought she just typed like that. In any case, I did have a wonderful conversation with that boy earlier about his false ideologies. In a way it was sad but perhaps just having an idea to cling to can make it all seem much better.
Sarah: I suppose that’s true, and then if they remain sheltered they become pathetically attached to the idea of a god. Especially the Abrahamic ones. Hope should come from a more proactive place. Find your own power and seize it.
Dolph: hey this is nice and all but you gotta stop talking like that sarah people are gonna keep calling you deeply insecure about being a nepo baby and secretly a dictator.
Sarah: So? Let them talk, I’m completely unafraid of anything.
Bullfrog: You screamed at a seagull the other day.
Sarah: It was coming at me suddenly. Any way, we’re outside. And someone forgot his keys so if you could let us in, that’d be nice.
Bullfrog: No Problem :D