Work Text:
“Shinonome, your work leaves much to be desired. Your technique is sloppy, and your work is confusing, to say the least. It doesn’t know what it wants to represent. Even an amateur with no education would not fail like this.”
Each word pierced her heart like a dagger. She wanted to cry so badly, to shout how unfair this was. She tried her best, but as always, her best amounted to nothing. Listening to the rest of the lecture was unbearable, but it was still necessary, because without it, the prospects for improvement were almost zero. Though this didn’t make it any more painful.
Ena stood there, trying to listen to the feedback, trying to learn what she could’ve done better, but how could someone even start improving when every single detail was wrong?
After that agonizing experience, the girl made her way home. She greeted her mom and Akito before making her way into her room, where she immediately plopped down on her bed and started crying.
The girl wept and cursed this world.
After all, how could it make someone like her unable to live without art?
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair…
She was trying so hard to bear this pain. To not let it get to her every time her world was torn down by those words. She tried to shield her heart from this cruelty by making it immune to the constant criticism. But how can someone keep on going like this forever?
If she had what it takes to become an artist worthy of admiration, those things wouldn’t be a problem. The heart would be a fortress, impenetrable to all outside dangers. The resolve, a steel wall, unbendable no matter what was thrown at it. And the fingers would be those of a wizard, capable of creating the most beautiful and meaningful artworks to move the hearts of others.
Ena wasn’t like that. Her heart was made of paper, the slightest stab could make a hole in it. Her resolve was made from cardboard, it would come crashing down from any pressure, and it had done so in the past. And her fingers were those of an ogre, too brutish to create anything. She wasn’t like other artists, and she could never be. All because of that one accursed word.
Talent.
It separated the common people from actual masters. And she did not belong to the latter.
The tears kept falling.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair that she was simply born unlucky. That she had to fight for everything, as if her life was on the line, when it came naturally to others. Just why did this world curse her so much?
She really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Luckily, she still had some time until the Nightcord meeting, and no one had dared to bother her right now. She continued crying in silence.
She hoped someone would notice her pain, but she dismissed that thought as silly. After all, she tried playing the tough girl who was unfazed by anything her art journey would throw at her. It would be silly to expect anyone to care about her now, wouldn’t it?
Still, she somehow made the people around her believe in her. She had friends who truly supported her and who truly had faith that she would become a successful artist. She wasn’t sure why they thought so, but they did.
Something stirred inside the girl and compelled her to get out of her bed and stop crying like an idiot about her issues. For this mess, the only person to blame was herself after all.
Ena sat up straight on her bed and rubbed her tears off. This wasn’t a time to cry after all. She then went straight to her desk and got her drawing tablet. And she started drawing.
She kept going for a long time. She had to.
Time was of no concern to her, Ena kept drawing.
The pain in her wrists was of no concern to her, Ena kept drawing.
The noises at her door were of no concern to her, Ena kept drawing.
Drawing, drawing and drawing some more. Practicing all the things she should’ve mastered by now. It was just her art and her, and she would not be disturbed in this moment. Her dedication to drawing would not waver again, and she would absolutely make sure of that.
She had enough time to pity herself today. Another failure like that would not be the end of the journey, or that would mean betraying herself. That despair back then that overcame her, she would not allow it to haunt her again.
How funny that was, just mere moments ago, she left like her world was ending again.
Time passed, though the girl paid no mind to it. It was as if nothing existed in that moment except her and the task at hand. Was this what being an admirable artist meant? Dedicating all of yourself to the world of art. Letting it fill your soul, your mind. Letting it shape your identity.
The lines she had drawn were becoming full images. Her work had bare fruits. But it was not enough, she still had to make up for her lack of talent. To truly stand out among all others, this was not enough work, after all, they probably practiced just as hard as her, right? This was not enough, she needed to try even harder.
Her hand moved even more, trying to achieve something, though there was no specific inspiration behind her current drawings. That didn’t matter, however, as they were just meant to improve her technique.
Even more time passed. Though it lost meaning for Ena, who still had been hard at work. The pain was slowly becoming unbearable, but it was not enough for the girl to stop working. Not even the thirst and the hunger were enough to stop her. Surely that would be enough, right? All those small sacrifices, that was all she needed to do, right?
And then the girl realized.
She missed the Nightcord meeting.
A wave of panic washed over her, doubly so when she remembered that she had promised to finish a few sketches by now. She even planned to do that today, but forgot about it.
She scrambled to join the call immediately, with no time to prepare herself, and no time to eat or drink anything.
Immediately after arriving at the meeting, Ena called out.
“I’m sorry for being late!” She greeted quickly.
Expectedly, the first one to answer her was Mizuki.
“Oi, Ena! Where were you?” Her friend asked.
“I lost track of time, okay?” Ena replied. She truly had no excuse for herself at that moment, but she still hoped that none of her friends would question it more. Making them worry about her was not necessary.
“Ah, it’s good that you’re here now,” greeted Kanade.
“Hi, Ena,” Mafuyu welcomed her too.
“Yes, hello, I’m sorry again for being late!’ Ena responded to her friends. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything ready for today.”
“Ah, It’s okay, Ena,” Kanade reassured her. The girl always knew she could count on her for that, Kanade was an honest to god angel.
“Are you okay? Did something happen?” Asked the worried voice of Mizuki.
This was not what she wanted. She didn’t need to worry them at all. Everyone had their own problems, and making others worry about her would be selfish. She had to shoot this worry down immediately.
“Really, it’s okay! I just lost track of time.” It was truly her hope that this explanation was enough.
“Doing what?” Inquired Mafuyu.
Ah, of course Mafuyu would not leave it at that.
“I was just drawing for my art classes, okay?” Some irritation was visible in her voice.
And it appears that because of that, all of them realised there was more to her story than she let on.
“Ena, you can talk to us if anything is bothering you,” assured Kanade.
Curse their perceptiveness, Ena thought to herself.
“Huh? I’m doing alright, you don’t have to worry about me!” It was an attempt to convince the rest of Niigo just as much as herself.
“Are you?” asked Mafuyu.
Why did her friends have to be like that? Worrying more about her than about themselves. Their problems were so much more serious than hers, and yet they were still like that. It was incredible, in the worst sense.
“Yes! Really! She responded, louder than she intended.
“Okay, we won’t force you, Ena. Just know that we are here,” Kanade was always so gentle. Ena hated that it was wasted on her.
“I’ll get back to drawing now. I’ll make up for the delay soon.” Her voice lost its energy, the thirst was getting to her pretty badly now.
Without waiting for the responses of her friends, she got up and went to grab a bottle of water. The feeling of her dry throat getting the hydration it needed was pure bliss. And then, just like she had said before, she went on to do the drawings for Niigo she had promised to do. It was not a big deal, she could handle it.
In truth, she wanted nothing more than to rest now. Her wrist began to hurt too much for comfort now, and exhaustion was catching up to her. But no matter, a promise was a promise after all.
The hands began moving again, but her mind was unfocused, and so the lines were sloppy. It soon became an incoherent mess that lacked any sort of meaning. The girl groaned, then began drawing again. This shouldn’t have been so difficult, she thought, and yet here she was, struggling with even the most basic things.
Redraw again, make a mess, start over. That was a cycle she had gotten herself into right now. Nothing her hands produced was satisfactory enough, and it left her with no other choice but to try again, and again, and again, and again.
The pain was getting stronger, and Ena could almost no longer draw, but if a little pain was the price of success, then it was no price at all. She finally had some sketches that matched her vision, if she were to stop now, she could lose that. Just a few more finishing touches and she would be done.
And with the last few strokes, her work was finished, for now at least.
Then, the pain became unbearable. It was as if her wrist was on fire, raging uncontrollably.
That’s when she knew, whether she liked it or not, no more drawing would be happening today. All that was left was to relay her progress, and quickly retire in hopes a good sleep would make it hurt less.
The unmute button was clicked right before her voice sounded in the call.
“I think I’m done for today. I’ll send the sketches now and log off later,” Ena announced.
It appeared that her groupmates were waiting to see the results of her hard work as they simply responded with noncommittal hmm’s.
The artist quickly uploaded her drawings for everyone to see and awaited their reactions. Though the wait was not long, as Mafuyu quickly voiced her opinion.
“It’s good.” And Ena breathed with relief. It meant her hard work paid off, and that her efforts were worth it.
“Those are beautiful, Ena. Those would fit with the song perfectly,” Praised Kanade.
Those words were like music to her ears.
But there was one person who was yet to voice her opinion. Ena thought that she would be the first to say anything, so her silence had surprised her. If only she would agree with Mafuyu and Kanade, then everything she had done would be worth it.
“Ah, those are really good, Ena,” Mizuki responded finally. There was a certain shakiness to her voice that made Ena think she had more to say, but didn’t for some reason. Though she was too tired to push it further and left it at that.
“Well, I’m going to sleep now, goodnight everyone!” Ena declared before she hit the leave call button.
Finally, she could rest now.
After some time, doing her routine and then plopping down on her bed, she realized just how much her wrist was hurting. The pain didn’t lessen at all since she had finished her drawings for today, and she reached a point where even using her phone would be unbearable. She really hoped tomorrow would make it better.
Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, her phone rang. She quickly reached for it to see the caller and was surprised to see the name Mizuki on it.
Just what did that girl want at such an hour? It better not have been another stupid prank of hers.
Reluctantly, she answered the call.
“Hello?” Ena said.
“Uh, hi, Ena,” Mizuki’s voice was hesitant, as if she wasn’t sure what to say. “Can we talk?”
She added.
“What is it?” Ena asked.
“Meet me in the Sekai?” Mizuki asked.
“Ugh, fine.” She was getting really annoyed now, getting denied her well-earned respite was not something she enjoyed.
Ena hung up the call and went to play the file. She found herself in the familiar vast greyness, and not far from her was Mizuki.
“Ena, hey,” The girl called out to her.
“So, what do you need?” That came off much more aggressive than Ena intended, but she really wasn’t in the mood for this.
“Are you okay?” Mizuki said it in such a soft voice, one that Ena hadn’t heard in a long while.
“Huh?” She really hoped this wasn’t about today.
“I know something is wrong, so please talk to me,” Explained Mizuki. This was something that Ena had dreaded.
“Of course I am. Why are you asking?” Keeping up appearances was never her strong side, especially not compared to the girl she was talking with right now. Still, she tried to hide her pain.
“Ena, everyone can see you are not.” The girl flashed a serious expression. It wasn’t going to be easy now, Ena thought.
“What do you mean? I was just a little tired today, but I still did what I promised.” Really, why were they all so concerned with her? But especially Mizuki, just why did she go that far, to invite her to Sekai just to talk to her?
“Really? Then why are you clutching your wrist like this right now?” That question pierced through Ena like a knife through butter. Dammit, of course she noticed, Ena had thought.
Just before Ena could open her mouth and try to explain herself, Mizuki followed up with another question: “Just how much did you overwork yourself today?”
“It’s nothing…” Was all that Ena could mutter.
“It’s not nothing! You’ve been so out of it recently, but today… It was like you were a wreck, I’m sure Mafuyu and Kanade noticed it too.” Why did Mizuki care so much about her? Didn’t she realize that her problems were so much worse? This was nothing compared to what Mizuki was going through every single day.
“Mizuki! I’m fine, really! I just had a rougher day, but that’s all!” Ena’s voice suddenly got emotional, the energy she had spent today coming right back into her.
“Please, Ena. Can you even work tomorrow? You can’t keep going like this!” Mizuki matched her energy, her voice almost shouting.
“Yes, I can! I need to! I can’t keep slacking as I did before!” She really hoped that her friend would understand that, she really did.
“Slacking? Ena, you’re working so much you don’t have time for anything else! Did you know how much I texted you today? You never replied, so how can I not be worried?” If this were in any other place, they would’ve attracted an audience already with how loud both of them were.
“I really was just too focused on my work, okay?” That was a flimsy excuse, but she couldn’t think of anything better.
“And that’s not healthy! You’ll destroy your wrist if you continue like that, don’t even try to hide it now. I can see just how much pain you’re in.” Mizuki was adamant, it was rare to see her so resolved like this.
“It will be gone soon.” That’s what Ena hoped
“No, it won’t, because you will work just as hard as today, and it won’t heal.” Deep down, the artist girl knew that what her friend was saying had a lot of truth in it, but she just couldn’t bear to accept it.
“Of course I will work just as hard! If I don’t, I’m going to fall behind even more.” Ena shouted. She was throwing out her thoughts at this point, in hopes that even one of them would make Mizuki understand.
“Ena, that can’t come at the cost of your health!” Mizuki countered.
“But what other choice do I have? Unless I work hard enough, I won’t achieve ANYTHING. Do you know just how much more I need to try to just keep up? DO YOU KNOW?” She was screaming at that point, immediately after Ena realized what she had done. Screaming at Mizuki was not what she ever wanted to do. She immediately deflated, but upon looking at the girl next to her, it appeared that her screaming didn’t get to her. She was lucky, Ena realized, that her words didn’t hurt her.
“Ena, please, listen to me! I understand what you’re going through, but this cannot continue. Please, take care of yourself too.” The artist hated this, she didn’t want to make Mizuki and Niigo so focused on her like this. She enjoyed attention, that was true, but not like this.
“Why do you care so much? I can handle this, just let me do this on my own.” Her voice was almost devoid of any energy, she couldn’t quite muster up any more after her screams earlier. “What? Isn’t it obvious why I care? It’s because I lo- I think you’re one of my most important friends. Why would I not care?” Mizuki always slipped up, though Ena did not care what her friend was about to say.
“I- Just, please, let me do this.” Tears were starting to build up in her eyes.
“It’s okay, Ena. You don’t have to be strong like this all the time.” Mizuki assured.
And then, Ena began crying. She hated this so much. It wasn’t fair that she had to work so much harder, it wasn’t fair that she was so talentless. Tears flowed down her cheeks, but were immediately wiped away by Mizuki’s hand.
The pink-haired girl then grabbed her cheeks and raised her face.
“Ena. Listen to me. You are the most incredible person I’ve known. You’re so dedicated to your work, but if you keep going like this, you’ll just burn out. Your wrist is screaming for help already, you can’t keep doing this.”
Ena kept crying.
But she was held so tightly by Mizuki, as if she was the most precious thing in the world. And in that moment, she felt appreciated, she felt that someone cared for her.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad having people to worry about you.
Because for a moment, Ena felt that everything would be alright.