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He watched carefully as Cygni was moving around the kitchen. Taking notes of the stiff movements. The way he was trembling ever so slightly. Yet he was still talking in a cheerful tone. Despite his eye being wider than normal. Scanning the room back and forth.
It had been a little over forty-eight hours since the portal dropped them back in the daycare. That Cygni got the star out of that pathetic Eclipse's chest and brought them home safe.
They had gotten back home from repairs after they had let everyone know they were okay and alive. Only to fall back asleep on the couch once more. But their rest hadn't been long. He himself had stayed in idle mode again. Cygni had been…tossing and turning against him. He was unsure if he rested at all.
When Sleep didn't come, Cyngi had retreated to the kitchen. Insisting on making something, to just be doing something.
But watching him…it felt more and more like he should stop him. Take over or ask Earth or Sun to bring them some food later. It's not like it was a secret where they lived anymore anyway.
He shook the uncomfortable thought away. Focusing back on Cygni, who was taking something out of the fridge. Remembering his friend's words about how if felt like the memories he had unlocked would take him under if he let it.
It was almost like he could see them creeping up on him. He was sure Cygni had pushed it back as much as he could so they could do their basic repairs. How stiff he was now was such a contrast with how happy he had been a few hours ago. Maybe it was the adrenaline or the feeling of a repaired body. Back in clothes that made him feel like himself, that had helped him.
But Now. He was acting more like how he had done in those first few months of knowing him. Afraid he would be hurt or punished.
The sound of shattering glass broke through his train of thought, and he quickly jumped up to see what was wrong. He ignored the twitch of pain in his lower back as he did so.
One of their drinking glasses lay shattered at Cygni's feet, hand still in the air from where he'd been holding it.
"Sorry, sorry. My fault. I can clean this up. Don't worry about it"
Cygni rambled quickly as his Frantic eye was scanning the counters for something to clean with.
"Are you hurt?"
He asked worryingly, but Cygni shook his head, still rooted in place
"N-no don't think so"
"Don't think so?"
"Just…gotta get a-"
He reached over the broken glass and grabbed his flailing hands, and that stopped his friend in his tracks. Carefully and slowly, he led him away from the mess to sit in a chair away from all the shards.
"We clean it together…first, let's make sure you are indeed not injured, okay?"
He got a small nod in turn. In his panic, Cygni had opened his eye over his missing optic, exposing the inner workings of his face. The other was still darting around the room, like he was waiting for something to come in.
He gently lifted the hand he was holding to his face, turning them over gently and expecting both sides; luckily they were fine. Before slowly checking the rest of him.
As they had been staying in Cygni had forgone his shoes; at first glance he didn't see any glass on his trouser legs, nor on his bare feet. He carefully knelt down to inspect better, gently encouraging the other to lift one leg by wrapping the temporary glamrock arm around his calf.
Cygni let out a chirp, and he quickly looked back up. Cygni's eye had stopped scanning around the room and was now intensely focusing on him.
"Just making sure you haven't stepped in any glass, okay?"
Cygni stayed still for a moment before nodding once more. As he looked back down, he thought he heard the quick clicks of the glow function turning on and off, but he shook the thought away, focusing on his task.
Quickly scanning down his friend's leg, there were a couple of tiny glass shards in the folds of his pants near the bottom, and he carefully picked those out. Then, checking his feet, lifting them gently and did a quick check. making sure there was nothing stuck in between the two segments that counted as his friends 'toes'
He then carefully lowered his leg back to the ground, and did the same to the other leg. There was just a tiny piece of glass on top of his foot, but that was it.
"Just a few tiny pieces, we should probably get your…."
His words trailed off as he looked up again. There was definitely the faintest of glows shining through Cygni's faceplate. He was suddenly very aware of the position he was in and hastily stood up.
"Your shoes, yes, I'll go get them along with a broom and dustpan, …right…just…stay here, don't want you stepping into that glass accidentally"
He hoped his face wasn't glowing, though it felt like it was. he quickly dropped the few pieces of glass he had found on his friend into the trash as he walked past it on his way to the hallway. Where he finally let his fans let out a large gust of wind
It felt like the pumps in his chest were running on high speed. From just a look? He had way better control of himself normally. He shook his head; he had more important things to do, and made his way to the utility closet.
He almost stopped mid-stride as he realised where he was looking. Sun and Earth had done their best to clean it up. But there, close to the door, while the dark stain of the oil he had leaked was gone. There was still the hole the spear that had launched in and through his shoulder had made. For a moment it felt like he could hear a portal close to him again. And he quickly scanned the hallway. But it was empty.
He clenched his fist tightly as he quickened his pace towards the closet, decidedly not looking toward the front entrance. Where Cygni had stood before stepping through the portal. Away from him, into the clutches of his abuser. To save him, because he hadn't been able to protect them like he had promised.
He opened the door with such force that the hinges made a protesting squeak. Luckily, the broom was right in front of him, but he misjudged the strength of the glamrock arm, and he yanked the broom toward himself with a bit more force than intended. He stumbled against the side of the door, and several buckets and cans fell from the top shelf with several loud bangs.
He started swearing only to stop when he heard something thumping down the hall, sounding like it was coming right at him. He quickly turned, ready to fight the intruder. He would be ready this time, only to freeze when he realised it was Cygni. Eye scared and afraid,
Before he could ask what was going on. His friend had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away, into the nearest room, which turned out to be Cygni's own bedroom, slamming the door shut, and locking it with the key and the bolt lock he installed so very long ago.
"Cygni what hap- oof"
He stumbled back before his arms quickly wrapped around Cygni, who had slammed himself against his chest. He could feel a hand gripping onto his skyhook for dear life, and he took a few steps further back away from the door and whatever danger lay beyond it.
"Are you okay? He didn't get you right!?! Did he try and get you from behind?… I dunno if we can hold him off for long, but this is better than nothing, right? I know he can make portals, but you always said the bedrooms had the best defences in the whole bunker. Do we need to make a break for your lab for weapons, or can you access the computer from here-"
Cygni's words were coming out in a rush, so fast and barely comprehensible. Face turning away from his chest to stare at the door, looking for something unseen.
But as the words came to his own panicked mind, he realised what happened. Cygni had mistaken the loud bang of the fallen bucket for an attack. His panicked state from before amplified to an eleven.
"Cygni…there was no attack"
His friend shook his head.
"I-I heard…I saw…you…"
Panicked tears were forming in the golden bot's eyes, and he wanted to lean in and kiss them away. Shaking away the intrusive thought. Now was not the time. Not when the hands that were gripping him were doing so full of fear.
He made his good hand softly cup the other's cheek.
"I know what you heard…but that was me, there is nothing there now…listen with me okay. it's silent except for us"
Cygni's doubtful expression turned to the door, and they both stared at it in silence. The panicked blast from the others' fans slowly, very slowly calmed, the longer the bunker beyond stayed silent. Only to be replaced by a quiet trembling, and then silent tears.
"Fuck…fuck yeah…that was so stupid. I am sorry, Fuck Eclipse. I …"
Cygni's arm let go of him to wipe at his face, seemingly frustrated by his own tears. For a moment he was at a loss on what to do. The rush of what just happened catching up to him.
"It's…it's okay…come...sit down with me for a moment"
There was a bit of hesitating when he tried to lead him to the bed, before relenting, and his best friend sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Frustrated tears still running down his face and he sat beside him, hesitating only for a second before wrapping his arm around him and pulling him against himself.
That seemed to make the rest of the tension leave Cygni's body, an arm coming around him in turn.
"There…a little better?"
Cygni just shrugged, and he pressed up further against his shoulder, hiding away.
"It were stupid buckets"
The words were uttered bitterly, and he gave a hopefully comforting squeeze in response
"You have been away from him less than three days, Dusty. Give yourself some grace"
"It feels like I am letting him win by jumping up at every single sound"
"Stardust…"
He wanted to say it was one bucket, but he cut himself off. He was already feeling like shit, and a comment like that was likely to make it worse.
"I think….you'll let him win by not feeling anything at all. He always demanded perfection, didn't he….punished you for the slightest thing, I- " His voice briefly choked with static "I don't imagine that changed much since last time. So let yourself be messy and feel everything he would force you to hide away"
Cygni's trembling increased. He felt the hold on him tighten even further.
"Y-you are right, but-" there was a soft click as if the other's voice box refreshed and the next words were barely a whisper
"I am scared….there is so much Eclipse,"
He couldn't imagine what it was like. To have 400 years of unlocked terrible memories pressed at the back of your mind. Fighting to be seen again. On top of the current panic.
Cygni's face turned further into his shoulder. And he felt the oil that was dripping from his eyes. He hesitated for barely a second before tugging and gently encouraging the golden bot's movement. So that now he was straddling him. Legs on either side, fronts pressed together. And he wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug as he let the other hide his crying face into his shoulder completely.
Cygni's arms were hugging just as tightly, feeling the hands clutch and pet against his back. Finally he found some words
"No matter how much it is. I'll be here for you. To help you through it all…you aren't alone anymore. "
There was a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh.
"I don't think I can hold the memories back anymore"
Was a desperate and scared little whisper. It broke him to hear it. It reminded him of how it sounded when he came to after his spine had nearly broken in half.
He settled his good hand on the back of Cygni's neck. Gently rubbing it, hoping it was bringing a bit of comfort.
"I'll try and help you ease through everything, okay?"
His voice felt thick; he was holding back his own tears. There was an uncomfortable feeling deep in his stomach. Knowing he was gonna see Cygni so scared and afraid, with nothing able to do to stop what had already happened.
Another choked sound escaped the trembling bot. So he tries desperately to think of something. Anything that would help. If only to ease the memories
His eyes darted around the room for anything to help him think of something. Gaze going over Cygni's books, little finished projects that he had made and were proudly displayed on shelves. A picture of them taken by Earth at her birthday party. Another of Sun and Cygni on the ice rink.
Before landing on a small decorated box. It was rarely opened. But in it were Cygni's bells and ribbons of his original outfit. That linked him to his past life, never able to throw them away. Because even though they painfully reminded his friend of that awful lord. It had been for the longest time his closest connection he had to his Moon
His Moon.
His mind reeled as something Cygni had spat at lord Eclipse in his anger came back to the forefront of his mind. It wouldn't be much, but it would be enough to help ease into the more painful stuff. He hoped so anyway
He turned his head. Making sure he was speaking close enough to the others' audio receptors to be heard. Before all the feelings that would overwhelm him shut him out.
"Your Moon. You…have memories of him now, right? Before that monster came and ruined everything. Twenty years of good memories, right?"
The other was shaking so badly now. He could hear the metal of different plates sliding together in the normally silent bot.
"I know they will hurt with the knowledge that was taken away. But they were good, right? Some happy ones. You don't want to let him win. Let the good memories be the first you remember"
There was a broken-off laugh sound, followed by a soft sob.
The trembling didn't cease. Nor did the tears hitting his shoulder. He just held tight. Then, to his surprise. Cygni started to speak.
"O-our full names…where Moonshine and Sunshine. But…but I usually only called him that when he annoyed me. But he tended to do it when he needed to be sincere. I remember disliking anyone calling me by full name"
There was another hurt laugh.
"We…managed to cut ourselves somewhat loose from fazzbear a few years in. Getting a house was such a joy. We went on a shopping spree, and we bought each other these really stupid ugly little statues to put in each other's room as a gift. And we just kept doing it for like Christmas and such. I had a shelf full of them"
He could hear the faint joy Cygni had recalling the memories. Even through the tears and stutters. His own chest tightened. He wasn't used to his friend talking this reverently about anyone. A soft longing.
He glanced up at a shelf; on it were a few statues. Cygni got them because he found them neat. Now he wonders if even unknowingly. There has been More to it
More small stories were whispered to him. About a time Cygni stole his Moon's hat, another of finding his moon drunk after a party with Monty where they had scribbled all over each other with Sharpie. About how they took care of the kids together.
But also some painful things. How scared he was on meeting him. How Moonshine, under the influence of the Killcode, cut their living space apart again and again.
How it had stopped once they were separated. Both thinking it had been a virus that had come because they had been stuck together.
His chest squeezed painfully. Stomping hard on the jealous feeling rising inside of him. He didn't like it. Cygni didn't deserve that. He was allowed to miss and love his Moon.
"He murdered him in front of me"
The words cut like ice through him.
"He cornered us. He had the star and chased us for a while. My legs had been broken. I couldn't run anymore. He grabbed moon by the throat and.-,"
Cygni's voice broke into loud, uncontrollable sobs. He felt Claws skirting against his back
"…And…he exploded him….the last thing moon did was look at me….he had been so scared. I never seen it. But not for himself…for me. He knew he was gonna die and was still scared for me. "
The claws were digging into his back plating.
"His parts were everywhere, but I couldn't grab a single one before lord grabbed me and we were teleported away. "
He could hear the absolute devastation in his voice. That he hadn't been able to save even the tiniest bit to just remember him by. As macabre as keeping a piece of his moon's body would have been.
"He immediately tied me down and started torturing me. I fought him. I remember the anger. That I wouldn't give up. That I couldn't do that. That I had to keep fighting. But it went on for so long…so long"
He gripped Cygni tighter. Gently running A hand through his rays as he kept on talking. To Hopefully sooth A little.
"I dunno when I gave up. It could have been days, months? Years. But I did. I had tried to fight. Tried to escape and find help. I just lost all hope of a rescue. For a while he was pleased. He even left me alone for a while…Then I think he got bored…Its When he started tampering with my memories. So I would be scared of him again at first, but later he just messed with them for seemingly fun"
Cygni fell quiet again. The only sound in the room was the squeaking of the metal on metal where Cygni's head was buried in his shoulder. He tried to think of something to say. Anything at all. But all the words he thought of seemed hollow and wrong.
But Cygni wasn't done, not even by a long shot. His best friend slowly and carefully started explaining several ways he's been tortured by Lord Eclipse, some in gruesome detail. Some very vaguely.
Broken and whispered, barely able to say them. Followed by some stories that were spat out angrily. Hopping back and forth through the hundreds of years of memories.
At some point the tears had dried up, and Cygni's body only made a sound of air as he tried to keep crying.
Then there were periods where he was silent. Just shivering and holding onto him for dear life. The hold on his skyhook was near-painful, but he'd bear it for him. This was nothing compared to what his friend went through.
He could only sit there and cry with him. Of every description of his partner being torn apart. Manipulated. Broken and used in ways he could even begin to fathom.
It went on for hours and hours. Story after story. At some point he had plugged both of them in, as he got the notification of being on low battery, so he assumed Cygni was as well. They sat there so long that they had become fully charged again as Cygni kept going..
And he let Cygni know he listened, never letting him go as he was held and whispered affirmations that it was indeed so very fucked up. It was all he could do for him, and it made him so very powerless.
It had been nearly twenty-four hours of crying and talking when Cygni pulled back to look him in the eye.
"But then you came along, and you saved me from all of that. "
A shaky smile appeared on Cygni's face as a hand came up to gently cradle his faceplate.
"You made me feel safe for the first time in ages. Taught me to be myself again. You were patient and kind with me. "
He wanted to say how he hadn't been great at it. Especially in the beginning. That he had made plenty of mistakes. But that didn't seem like the words his friend needed to hear right now.
"I just did…what seemed like the right thing. "
Cygni's thumb strokes right beneath his eye.
" And that might have been all the difference. It's such a short time in comparison to it all. But it's honestly some of the best I have lived"
Suddenly Cygni's smile fell away, and if he had any tears left to shed. He was sure they would be overflowing. As with a choked-up whisper, he said.
"And I almost killed you"
Cygni's claws were digging into his casing again.
"If Moonshine and I hadn't made that failsafe? If it hadn't worked at all… or if you hadn't said the right words or I had picked different words. I wouldn't have remembered you…and then…. then I would have done as he asked. I would have killed you"
He cupped Cygni's face gently
"But you didn't….you didn't "
"But I would have! "
Cygni pulled away. Looking more distressed than the recalling of the memories had done
"I would have killed you! How can you trust me after that? How can I tru-"
He quickly pulled Cygni back against him, hugging him tight. Cygni's face landed against his chest, and he pressed his own face on top of his
"Because I know you were tricked. I would be mad at that son of a bitch Lord. Not at you. I will never be upset at you for trying to keep yourself alive. For surviving him. I got to learn who you were even though that asshole tried to take away everything that you were. And even then. Even when not remembering me. You still tried to make me leave. To send me away. You only complied with your lord when there was no other option left for you. Of course you did. I'd be more worried about you if you hadn't done that at all! "
They both stayed quiet after that as he held Cygni desperate against himself. He felt Cygni's claws still at his back. After a few minutes he whispered
"I know it's gonna take time for you to believe it, but I forgive you. I am not mad about it. And I'll remind you of that every day if I have to, okay. "
There was a nod against his chest, but the shaking didn't stop.
"Cygni?"
He wondered if there were more memories. Still flooding and overwhelming him. A hand was on his lower back. Right where the scarring was, and he had a feeling he knew what memories were now invading his friend's mind.
"It must have been bad…"
He whispered, and Cygni didn't need more than that.
"You were nearly torn in half! I had to hold you together with my hands. There was oil everywhere. And you were sparking and glitching. Calling for me! You were dying and still trying to save me!"
"I…I'm so-"
The apology died on his lips. It felt like it wouldn't help all that much.
"You saved me..."
He whispered instead.
"You bested that fucking bastard and saved me. "
He felt a weak hit against his back
"Never do that to me again"
He rubbed his face against Cygni's rays
"I'll do my best"
He wasn't gonna promise we would never. He was gonna try his hardest to save him; he always would no matter how hurt he got. He had the feeling Cygni would do the same.
Cygni let out a weak-sounding laugh as he lifted his head slightly.
He looked rough. Golden cheeks stained almost black from the tears he had cried. The white scarring even more visible against the dark. The busted eye open that he could see inside of his head. Rays pulled in, body trembling.
He looked scared. He wanted to kiss it better. To kiss the tears away. He shook his head to clear the intrusive thought away once again.
Wait…wait no he…he could do that now.
They were….dating now
Right….
In all the heat of the moment, he had totally forgotten that Cygni had confessed. They had kissed. But Cygni had started all of those.
Their was part of him…that wanted to ask. That didn't want to pressure him. But….but he knew he needed the comfort.
He pushed past his own fear and cupped Cygni's cheek. Gently and carefully tilting his head to better face him.
He moved closer slowly. He saw his….boyfriend…eye widen as his own heart started pounding.
Cygni's pupil went from his eye to his mouth and back. He stopped when they were centimetres apart. Asking the question without words. Giving him time to pull away.
Then, as nothing happened for a long moment, he took it as his cue that it was okay and he placed his mouth against Cygni's. Metal teeth against metal teeth.
He felt the trembling intake of fans…and then the slow unspooling of how locked up Cygni had become. Relaxing bit by bit. As they sat there.
He pressed a bit harder. It was nothing like the tentative brushes of their mouth had been with his teeth broken. Or that one big kiss Cygni had given against the cylinder.
Not even like the little pecks that he had gotten from Cygni throughout the day when no one had been watching, filled with joy and excitement.
No, this felt like how a proper kiss should be.
He kept it gentle, pouring all his love into it as best he could. Before pulling away.
Only for Cygni to follow and chase his mouth to kiss him again. This time there was a hand on his cheek as well. Guiding like his own. Both of them pressing their kiss a little firmer. Enjoying the soft warmth
Everytime one of them pulled back, the other closed the distance again. The kisses lasted longer and longer. The stiffness in Cygni disappeared as they gently tried to find what they liked.
Every new kiss pushed him further and further back until finally he hit his back against the mattress. He stared up at his boyfriend as they pulled apart a final time, blushing so beautifully
Gently rubbing his thumb over his boyfriend's cheek, he said as tenderly as he could.
"I love you".
Cygni's eyes widened again, and trembling above him with a face both happy but still a little painted with everything that had happened.
"I love you too"
Whatever fear he had building up inside him melted away like the snow. For a moment he just stared up, enjoying where he was.
When he caught the tremor in his lover's frame and the way his eyes veered to the door for just a second. Only noticeable because of how close they were. With the gentlest of tugs, he pulled his boyfriend against himself. Moving so they were at least on the middle of the bed.
"I think…we both could do with a bit of rest "
As if on cue, Cygni yawned, clearly exhausted by everything. Eyes still going to the door, and whispered with a tired sort of fear
"Is it silly that I still expected him to be just outside our door?"
"No", he answered right away, and felt the sigh of relief Cygni let out as his boyfriend wrapped his arms tightly around him once more. The following words were even softer.
"I just kinda wanna hide down here for a few days. Not see anyone. Because…I feel that is not the last breakdown I am gonna have about all of this"
He shares the sentiment. He knew they probably shouldn't do it for long. But…he did crave just being with him down here, where it was safe.
"…Three days…okay. No longer than three days. And then we ask Sun and Solar to check on us. Also, they can make sure the others leave us alone for that long. "
The arms squeezed him tighter, and he held back as hard as he dared.
"You mean that?"
He nodded, and he felt a kiss placed against his shoulder that caused him to blush
"Thank you"
He pressed a kiss against Cygni's Rays and enjoyed the soft glow he got from that action it was followed by another yawn
"Rest now…Ill be here when you wake up. I wont let go "
There was a nod, then a hand moved up a bit, tired and clumsy. Tugging at his ray to bring his face down. And he received another kiss. Tired and a little off centre. But lovely all the same. That he returned as lovingly as he could
"Okay…love you Eclipse"
"Love you", he whispered back. Cygni snuggled against him. As he checked if their cables were still plugged in. Before laying back against the pillows and holding onto his boyfriend.
Eyes on the door. He would make sure no one would come in. No one would take him away. Even as Cygni fell asleep. He drifted into an idle mode and kept watch of the door.