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"Will there be food? And people in fancy clothes? Music? Oh, there will be music, right?" Ava asked, more excited than she had ever been in her life.
To go to a festival had been a completely unreachable dream for Ava just a few days ago, but now, amidst the war reaching its culmination and Sister Frances and many of the other nuns and workers in the orphanage fleeing, leaving the children and those that were dependent on them behind, Ava was given an opportunity that she had never had before.
At first Ava had been frightened when she had heard that the war had come to their town, that their king – who Ava knew from the maids gossiping like she wasn't there as always, had started the war in the first place out of greed – was dead. That the enemies were taking over, the crown princess of Erassia, who had led the charge on their king, now claiming all the lands. Amidst all the chaos, Ava had not been able to do anything other than lie in her bed. Nobody had thought to take her with them when they fled, least of all Sister Frances.
There was a chair with wheels Ava could use to get out of bed, but Sister Frances had only ever allowed her to go in it when they needed to make up the bed fully new. And even that had barely ever happened. Now that everyone was in panic, Ava had fully expected to just be forgotten and maybe even killed by the enemy in her bed. Diego, the boy who shared a room with her, had been scared as well, but had refused to run away when Ava told him to. Only Yasmine, a nun who had joined the convent because she actually wanted to help others (which was quite rare) had stayed to defend Ava and the other children, trying to stop the soldiers from coming into the orphanage.
Yasmine had been the only one to ever treat Ava with any modicum of kindness and respect, while the other nuns had been too intimidated by Sister Frances or too cruel themselves to ever help her or the other children. But even Yasmine hadn't been able to stop the soldier that had marched into Ava's room. Still, Yasmine had been at the soldier's heels, her usually pristine blouse and skirt disheveled and her head covering gone. She had been wringing her hands and pleading, which had made Ava even more terrified. The soldier had been quite intimidating in her blood stained leather uniform. Ava had already thought she would simply slaughter everyone right there. But she hadn't even said anything, hadn't taken out her sword. She had only looked at Ava and Diego, who was clinging to her. Ava's hands had laid limp as always even when she wished with all she had that she could be clinging to Diego as well.
Then, after looking at them for a long moment, the soldier had turned on her heels and left, Yasmine only giving Ava and Diego a confused but relieved look and hastening after the soldier. For a long time, Ava and Diego had just stayed like that, not knowing what to do. Eventually, Yasmine had come back, telling them that the soldiers had allowed her to keep caring for the children and had even said they'd send others to help. Yasmine didn't seem very optimistic about it, but Ava didn't think anyone could be worse than Sister Frances.
In the end, they hadn't been. The women who had been sent to care for them together with Yasmine, Melanie and Sandra, had been younger than most of the nuns. They were complaining a lot less about having to clean after Ava, having to dress and bathe her. Instead, they actually talked to her, asking her whether it was alright to touch her and they laughed and talked not just to each other but engaging Ava in their conversations. Only Yasmine had ever treated Ava like she was actually someone worthy of talking to before, and she had been chastised by Sister Frances for it. If these women were part of the enemy, Ava found herself glad that their land had been invaded after they lost the war.
Obviously she wouldn't tell that to Yasmine, who was still there and still caring for Ava, but whose concern didn't lessen. She had been forbidden from wearing the clothes that signified her as a nun and from practising her faith. Ava felt bad for Yasmine since it was clearly something that was important for her, but if she was honest, Ava was a lot happier without having Sister Frances and the other nuns constantly pray over her and tell her how evil she was and how much god had forsaken her.
Really, as much as she knew that things were still bad out there for others in their land, for Ava, life had gotten better since the war had been lost and they had gotten invaded. Especially when after a few days of basically nothing happening, Ava's carers came in this morning really excited, giggling and laughing. It turned out a festival was happening to celebrate the war they had just won. Of course, Ava hadn't at all expected to be allowed to go, after all, she had never been allowed to partake in things like that. She had always been told it would be far too complicated to get her dressed and out of bed for anything.
Now though, apparently from what Sandra and Melanie said, brushing Ava's hair and taking extra care washing her, she was indeed not just allowed but required to go, the only one in the orphanage who was old enough to. Of course, Ava was incredibly excited about that, only wishing Diego could go as well, but he had been told he was too young and had been brought to another room while Ava was being prepared. Ava had promised to tell him everything later. To Ava's confusion, Yasmine was a lot less enthusiastic about going to the festival. Still, she smiled at Ava when she asked her questions. Sandra and Melanie laughed and told Ava that there would of course be food and music. And they were already putting her in the finest clothes, which made Ava swoon. She asked even more questions about what it would be like.
"You'll see for yourself very soon," Sandra said, amusement in her voice, her eyes shining as she finished dressing up Ava, having already washed her thoroughly and dried and brushed her hair. "We need to prepare ourselves too, but we will be back to help Yasmine with putting you into the chair. Then we will all go together to the festival."
Ava nodded enthusiastically, grinning more than she ever had in her life. Sandra and Melanie laughed lightly and left the room. The moment they were gone, Yasmine sat down next to Ava and leaned forward, her expression now one of abject concern. Ava was confused, not understanding why.
"Ava, this festival is not about you enjoying yourself. Every man and woman over eighteen is required to be there because the soldiers and nobles are going to pick among them for their entertainment," Yasmine said, quietly and hastily, the concern even more obvious in her voice. She was also wearing a fancy dress, her hair styled in a way that felt really weird for her and she was clearly not as excited about all of this as Ava.
Furrowing her brows and biting her lip, Ava tried to process what Yasmine had said. What did it even mean to be chosen? Why was Yasmine so concerned? Because she thought Ava would be seen as useless, the way Sister Frances had always seen her? That she would never be chosen? That she would be left behind and just sent away again without being able to enjoy the festival? Tears appeared in Ava's eyes, her excitement suddenly tasting bitter. She shook her head and looked down at her useless body.
"You don't have to be the one to take me. If you're afraid they won't choose you because of me. I'm sorry I'm such a burden," Ava said, quietly, tears making her voice tremble.
Ava was confused when Yasmine let out a strangled sound and put her hand close to Ava's cheek, quietly asking permission to touch her. Ava could only nod curtly, really needing the touch, sighing into it when Yasmine caressed her cheek. When she looked back up, there was a deep sorrow in Yasmine's eyes that she didn't understand.
"No, Ava, that is not why I am worried. Not at all. The soldiers, what they choose people for, it's… it's to keep them company. Intimate company. They won't care that you can't move. They will do depraved things with you, hurt you."
Ava found a dark laugh bubble up in herself.
"How would they hurt me, I can't even feel anything," Ava said, not able to keep the grief but also sarcasm out of her voice. Yasmine frowned and shook her head.
"That is not the only way to hurt someone. Ava, I wish I could protect you. Maybe I can try. Take you away from here. But I don't know where we would go, I don't know anyone who could hide us. I am so sorry, I failed you," Yasmine said, the despair in her voice tangible and confusing to Ava.
"Why would we leave? Everyone is nice to us. A lot nicer than Sister Frances and the other ever have been." Ava sighed and smiled at Yasmine, trying to reassure her. "I'm sure it will be alright. None of the soldiers have hurt us so far, right? They haven't hurt you, have they?"
Yasmine frowned even deeper and tilted her head in thought, pain in her eyes.
"They took my rosary. My cross. They forbade me from covering my head and said I was not allowed to pray openly. They're crass and brutal. The crown princess, it is said that she has appetites... I am certain they would not shy away from violence if it serves them," Yasmine said, still quietly, under her breath, as if she was afraid for someone to overhear and threaten the violence she was so afraid of right now.
Ava was torn between feeling sorry for Yasmine and the urge to immediately dismiss what she was saying. Not being allowed to pray or wear the attire of the nuns that hurt Ava her entire life was not something Ava saw as truly hurting anyone, on the contrary. But she knew the prayers and rules which had been used to beat her down and hurt her were what comforted Yasmine, what brought her hope. As difficult as it was for Ava to see it like that, as much as she agreed with the soldiers that she was a lot happier not having to see Yasmine in the clothes of those who had hurt her and hear her speak the words that had been used to keep her down, Ava knew Yasmine was hurt by this.
Still, she wanted to reassure Yasmine. For Ava, the prospect of being taken in by one of the impressive soldiers was nothing short of elating. And while she had heard vague things about what exactly those appetites Yasmine was so afraid of could mean, she was more curious and excited about them than afraid. Intimacy had always been something the nuns had condemned, though romance and even what men and women were doing behind closed doors had come up in the books Ava had read when Diego or someone else could be bothered to hold them for her.
It had left a deep desire in Ava to be touched, even if the only place where she could feel it was her head and her shoulders. But the thought of kissing someone, of being held and caressed had woken up a desire in Ava that had only burnt stronger and stronger the last few years. Now that she was of age and even beyond that at nineteen, she had often lied awake and wondered how it would feel to be taken by someone as wife. Either a man or a woman, which was something the nuns found scandalous. Maybe that was what Yasmine meant with appetites. That the crown princess desired women, something that was deemed unthinkable and a gross sin by Sister Frances.
Which was of course why it became even more enticing to Ava to imagine being held and kissed by another woman. If this was what the soldiers wanted from the people at the festival, if it was simply men looking to lie with men and women looking to lie with women, Ava did not think this made them violent or brutal at all. Though of course, she did not know whether that was actually true. Maybe the soldiers would indeed hurt Yasmine, hurt Ava herself.
But right now, she was inclined to go with how excited Sandra and Melanie had been, how happy to wash and dress up Ava to go to the festival. Since neither Sandra nor Melanie had even hurt Ava, on the contrary, Ava truly doubted that they would be this excited about it if the soldiers were planning on harming her and Yasmine. So she smiled at and shook her head, leaning into Yasmine's hand on her cheek.
"I understand they have rules and ways that are different than ours," Ava said, the 'ours' tasting like ash in her mouth, but she tried to keep her tone gentle. "But you heard Melanie and Sandra. I do not believe they would be this excited for the festival if it was all only for us to be hurt by the soldiers. I am certain they will treat us well. They have not physically hurt you, have they? Hit you or assaulted you?"
"No, but…" Yasmine trailed off, looking a little confused now. Ava smiled even more.
"See, maybe it won't be that bad. And look, they gave us pretty clothes and we are going to get food and get to listen to music and see all the things at the festival. It will be amazing I am certain!" Ava wasn't sure whether she was trying to convince herself or Yasmine. But it did draw out a small chuckle from Yasmine, even when she still looked quite worried.
They didn't talk about it anymore though, and soon after, Sandra and Melanie came back, both also now in very fancy dresses, their hair made up prettily. Together with Yasmine, they helped Ava into her chair. It was a practical contraption made of wood and metal, not built for comfort. But Ava did not mind. For the first time since she remembered, she was leaving the bed not just for a few minutes but to go outside. Her eyes darted around, taking everything in. Even just the hallway of the orphanage was magnificent to her. But then, they were outside and the sights and sounds were overwhelming.
Ava had no idea where to look first. Especially when they got to the festival grounds after a few minutes. She felt like her eyes were as big as saucers and her mouth hung open the entire time, the grin on her face feeling like it would etch itself there forever. There was so much to see. Colourful tents were put up in a big grassy field, with flags and streamers all around them. The tents were mostly open, so Ava could see that there were tables with wares that seemed to range from glass wares to spices she had never seen to clothes and candles.
It seemed like everything Ava had ever dreamt of and more. Many soldiers were walking around the field, but also equally as many civilians in nice clothes, all of them laughing and having fun. It seemed like nobody was sharing Yasmine's concerns. Even Yasmine herself was starting to laugh more and have fun herself, especially when they were invited to taste the food that was displayed in many stands. Yasmine helped both herself and Ava to sweets that were so sticky that Ava could barely open her mouth but that felt like heaven when they touched her tongue, followed by some quite spicy pastries and pickled onions that were revolting and at the same time the best thing Ava had ever eaten.
Sandra and Melanie left their side at some point when they realised that Yasmine was getting on with Ava on her own quite well. Ava laughed after them when they danced away to the rhythm of the musicians that played in the middle of the festival, where a big free space had been left as dance court. Ava was so engrossed in everything that she barely noticed when a group of soldiers that had been lingering close to them for quite some time came towards them, one of them coming close to Yasmine and grinning at her with shining eyes, putting a hand on her arm.
"Come, dance with us, me and Shannon will show you a good time," the soldier, a tall woman with dark black skin and black hair in braids said, a leering grin on her face when she looked Yasmine up and down. Yasmine's face fell and she stammered that she couldn't leave Ava alone, which only made the soldier laugh. "I'm sure your charge will be alright. My friends will look after her."
Ava furrowed her brows, feeling anger rise up in her at how the soldier's hand was still on Yasmine's arm, at how Yasmine looked very uncomfortable and terrified. The soldier's friends were mostly distracted by something in a nearby stall. Only two of them, a tall, fair skinned dark blonde woman, who Ava assumed was Shannon since she was also looking at Yasmine with interest, and a smaller woman who also had fair skin and curly black hair, paid any attention to Ava and Yasmine. The one with the curly hair smiled at Ava in a way that seemed kinder than the other two, but it didn't make Ava's anger lessen.
Not caring that the soldiers outnumbered her and Yasmine or that they probably could do whatever they wanted without anyone even batting an eye, Ava glared at the soldier that still had her hand on Yasmine's arm.
"Take your hand off of Yasmine. Can't you see she doesn't want to dance? You're hurting her!" Ava said, in as loud and snide a voice as she could muster. It felt like everyone's eyes were suddenly on her, not just the soldier's and her friends' but the onlookers' as well.
Though Ava was pretty sure that was mostly her imagination, as the festival was clearly continuing all around them. It just seemed like they were trapped in a bubble for a moment, nobody saying anything or even moving. Then the soldier's friends were coming closer and suddenly Ava felt intimidated. There were six of them, all wearing shiny leather armour with swords strapped to their belts and looking stronger than anyone Ava had ever seen before. Not to mention looking very confused and in the case of the first soldier, who still had her hand on Yasmine's arm, starting to look angry.
Yasmine was the one who broke the silence, letting out a nervous laugh, the abject fear in her eyes cutting through Ava. Holding her hands up, Yasmine shook her head.
"Sir, she didn't mean that, I am so sorry. Of course I will dance with you, please, don't punish my charge, she doesn't know what she's saying," Yasmine said, placatingly, her voice full of fear and pain. Ava bristled at both Yasmine's words and the behaviour of the soldier. She didn't want to make things worse, but she couldn't stop herself. Not after having been dismissed and cast aside her entire life.
"I know what I'm saying! I know it very well. Is this how you're celebrating your victory, by intimidating women to dance with you out of fear? How brave of you and how noble!" Ava put all the contempt she was feeling in her voice, not even certain where all of this came from. It was like all the pent up anger she had inside of her from years of having to helplessly endure Sister Frances' cruelty was coming out now.
Yasmine gasped wetly, giving Ava a desperate look. Once again, there was a long moment of silence in which Ava couldn't help but take in the swords strapped to the soldiers' belts, the way all of them looked like they had been in many battles and had always prevailed. Especially one of them, who kept in the background but looked like she was observing everything carefully and was ready to pounce at any moment. She seemed older than the others, a scar running through half of her face, a cane in her hand she leaned on heavily. The way she still looked like she would be able to kill Ava and Yasmine without any effort, just like all the other soldiers, made Ava swallow thickly, but she jutted out her chin and glared at all of the soldiers challengingly. If they wanted to punish her, so be it. At least then she would know where she stood.
The soldier who had her hand on Yasmine's arm stepped forward and was about to say something when another soldier interfered, one that Ava hadn't looked at much before. Now she did though and the beauty of the soldier took her breath away. She had black, straight hair that was held in a strict bun behind her head, light brown skin with freckles that dotted the area under her eyes. The way she held herself made something warm rise up in Ava's stomach that she had never felt before. The soldier held up a hand and Ava felt like her knees became weak, even when she had not felt anything below her shoulders for twelve years.
"Enough!" the soldier said, making Ava gasp with how stern but also beautiful her voice sounded. One glare from this soldier made the first soldier take her hand from Yasmine's arm as if she had been burnt, bowing her head down. It made Ava even more impressed with this soldier, who seemed like she was radiating authority without even trying. She looked at Ava now, the darkness of her eyes and the way they held only curiosity and compassion made Ava feel like she could drown in them. "What is your name?"
It took Ava a moment to register that she had been asked a question, so entranced was she with the soldier's eyes. But another strangled sound from Yasmine did make her realise that everyone was looking at her expectantly and she raised her head even further, trying as hard as she could to straighten her shoulders as much as she could move them.
"I'm Ava and this is Yasmine. And we are not here for your amusement, we are people and deserve to be treated with respect," Ava said, her voice wavering as she spat into the soldiers' faces what she had wanted to tell Sister Frances for years but never could.
To her surprise, one of the soldiers, the one she was pretty certain was called Shannon, started laughing softly.
"Good for you, kid. Looks like you chose the wrong girl to ask for a dance, Mary," Shannon said, amusement in her voice as well as something like awe that Ava didn't understand. The other soldier, Mary, rolled her eyes and huffed, looking at Yasmine a lot softer now too, with something like curiosity and not anger.
"Yeah, whatever. You'd have enjoyed it is all I'm saying. Let's go on then," Mary said, already about to walk away when the soldier who had asked Ava's name held her hand up again and everyone stopped immediately.
"Who do you serve?" the soldier asked, not unfriendly, but the question itself making more anger rise up in Ava and she glared at the soldier despite still feeling like she could drown in her eyes.
"We don't serve anyone. I live in St. Michael's orphanage, Yasmine is my caretaker. The only one you haven't scared away with your war and invasion that is." Ava knew she was saying too much, that she was not going to get away without getting punished, or Yasmine getting punished on her behalf if she kept this up. But she had too much pent up anger and resentment for people who disrespected others to just let it go, despite Yasmine now clinging to the handle of Ava's chair like it was a lifeline and looking like she would faint at any moment out of sheer terror.
The soldier looked at Ava for a long moment, nobody else saying anything. It felt like she was looking into Ava's very soul and the urge to look away became greater and greater, but Ava refused to give in. Finally, it was the soldier who looked away, turning to Shannon.
"Take them. Both of them. Nobody touches either of them without my permission, is that clear?"
"Yes, Princess," Mary and Shannon answered simultaneously.
The term made both Ava and Yasmine gasp in surprise. Ava felt like her eyes were going to fall out of her face as the soldier – the princess? – smiled at her softly and nodded.
"I am sure you will like life in the palace, Ava. I will see to it you and your friend are treated with the respect you deserve," the princess said, so softly that Ava felt like something came alive in her belly, a liquid fire that warmed her from the inside out.
"Yes, of… of course your highness," Ava stammered, not sure how to address a princess, never having seen one before. The princess laughed lightly and tilted her head.
"My name is Beatrice. You can call me that. Especially when we are alone," the princess, Beatrice, said, her voice caressing Ava's skin, as if she could truly feel it for the first time in twelve years. Ava nodded eagerly.
With that, Beatrice turned around, the other soldiers apart from Mary and Shannon following her. Shannon gestured to two other soldiers nearby to come. They did and after a short, quiet instruction from Shannon, they turned to Yasmine and Ava, one of them walking around to push Ava's wheelchair, the other gesturing at Yasmine.
"Follow me," the soldier said, curtly but not unfriendly, while Shannon and Mary went after the princess and the other soldiers.
Being driven away from the festival, Ava felt herself regret that she had had so little time there, barely enough to see everything. But then, she was going to the palace now! To live there! This was truly the best day in her life and even Yasmine looking still very frightened could not dampen her excitement at being able to live in a palace with a princess that made parts of Ava feel alive that she had thought had long since been dead and buried.
That alone made Ava have high hopes for the future.