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Ava walked through the grey corridors of the base. It was difficult to push down the fear that was so prominent inside of her still. Part of her wanted to go back to the room that had been assigned to her and the others. To curl up next to Yasmine and Jillian and to try to sleep. Lilith of course was not sleeping, keeping watch over all of them. That was one of the reasons why Ava had left the room to find something to distract her. Despite knowing that Lilith did not blame her for what happened, and neither did Jillian or Yasmine, Ava still didn't feel like sitting in the room and being glared at by Lilith just because that was her resting facial expression.
So she had told Lilith she was going to try to find something to drink, even when there was a bathroom next to the room and she could have gotten some water. She could tell that Lilith knew she needed some space, mostly because she hadn't said anything, just nodded curtly. In a way, Ava would have preferred for Lilith to stop her, to start an argument. Yell at her, even. But Ava knew that Lilith would never risk waking Yasmine and Jillian up. Not after the exhausting day all of them had had.
Sighing Ava told herself that she would talk to Lilith. That she would mend the fences she had so carelessly trampled down, already over the last few years but then decisively over the last few days. Ava knew what she had done had been wrong or at least very ill-advised, but she had been so trapped in her fear and grief that she couldn't see another way out. Now though, after forgetting and then remembering everything suddenly, Ava was going to try to be brave.
To live her life with everything that entailed, all the horrors she remembered and all the fear that was still always with her. Though with that last one, it helped to know that Kasara was gone, that nobody would or even could arrest them and bring them back. None of them had believed General Superion at first but they had been shown pictures, even video reels of Kasara being nothing but a pile of ruins and ashes. All Ava had felt when looking at it had been relief.
For ten years, she had lived her life in terror every single day, thinking that maybe this was the day where they would be discovered and brought back. Now that there was no planet to be brought back to, no war to be forced to fight in, Ava had no idea what exactly she felt. Relief, yes, sure, but also a certain confusion. As if her entire body and mind did not know what to feel now that it didn't have to feel terror anymore. But yes, she was trying to be brave. To figure out who exactly she was and what she wanted to do.
Completely unexpectedly, that was what the ACI, the Alien Control and Identification agency, was trying to help them all with. For ten years, Ava and the others had been running from them, but now, there was no more running. They had been brought to this base for their DNA to be tested, to make sure that they were who they said they were. They had been assured the testing would be non-invasive and it had been. And Mary had assured Ava that they would only have to stay for the night and that they would then be free to live their lives as they wanted to live them afterwards. That they even would get help from the ACI to do so. Jillian, Yasmine and even Lilith clearly trusted General Superion and her team, all of them already making plans to go back to the life they had built for themselves in the last ten years.
Except, Ava didn't really have a life to go back to. While Jillian had thrown herself into her work as a medical doctor and therapist, Yasmine had helped her as her assistant and also had buried herself in studies, always having loved learning as much as she could. Lilith had opened a martial arts training studio, putting her knowledge to work by helping others to fight. Ava on the other hand had only drifted for the last ten years. She had done a lot of odd jobs, waitressing, retail, even driving jobs, but she had never truly settled anywhere.
Ava knew she had only herself to blame for that. Or rather, her inability to shake the horrors she had seen and truly move on. Horrors Jillian, Yasmine and Lilith had also seen, but coped with in different ways. Jillian had assured Ava that she wasn't somehow inherently broken or wrong for not being able to truly live the new life they had been granted. For not being able to forget that they were hunted, that one wrong step could mean being sent back to the horrors.
It had gotten so bad that Ava had thought maybe it would be better to end it all. That was when she had begged Jillian to give her medication so she could forget. And then, that medication had led to Ava making that wrong step anyways. It had led to Ava blowing up all of their lives. Except, it was better this way, right? Now that they knew for a fact that Kasara was gone and nobody could ever force them to go back there, they could truly start their lives. In a way, while Ava still felt incredibly guilty for contacting the ACI when she had lost her memories, she also felt like a weight had been taken off of her shoulders.
Ava could tell that it was the same for Yasmine, Jillian and Lilith, that they were even thankful for Ava despite all the troubles she had caused. Now, they could go back to their lives without fear, with the blessings and help of the ACI, instead of being afraid of them all the time. That thought brought Ava back to thinking about how she had no idea what she wanted her life to be. The one thing she knew was that she wanted to try to truly live it. Without the fear of being discovered, she felt like suddenly the entire world was open to her.
Yes, she would always grapple with her memories, but now that she didn't have to worry about being arrested any moment and send back to a war she was forced to fight, suddenly a lot more possibilities opened up. Maybe she could go to university. Study, learn things. Ava wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to learn, but in a way, that was the appeal too. To start with something broad and then choose something more specific later, when she had figured out more.
Ava realised that her feet had carried her towards the mess hall they had been shown and she decided to get herself something to eat and drink. Mary and the others had told them they had free reign on the base. There was an agent stationed in front of their door, but Mary had assured Ava that she was there to answer their questions and help them if they needed it, not to guard them. Now that their tests had come back and the ACI was certain they were indeed from Kasara, the process of granting them asylum had begun.
General Superion had assured them that it would only take a few days during which they didn't even have to stay on the base and that they would be given anything and everything they needed to go back to the lives they wanted to live. So far, in the last few hours, that had been proven right, as they had been given food, accommodations (they could have gotten several rooms, but asked to stay together in one) and even access to books and other entertainment.
Mary had been the one Ava leaned on the most. Since Mary was also an alien, Ava trusted her more than the others when it came to keeping their word and granting them asylum. But Ava also had to admit, even when she had only known them for a few hours, she was starting to get fond of the other members of General Superion's team as well. Especially Beatrice, who Ava found very intriguing. Well, very beautiful mostly, but yeah.
Ava chuckled to herself, only for it to turn into a gasp as she walked into the mess hall and nearly froze when she saw the object of her thoughts sitting at one of the tables, reading a book. Part of Ava wanted to immediately bail and just leave again, maybe go back to her room and try to sleep after all. But another part was also drawn to Beatrice and wanted to take this opportunity to talk to her. To maybe find out more about her.
Deciding again that she could be brave, Ava took a deep breath and walked towards Beatrice. The mess hall was nearly empty, which was not surprising since it was now about two in the night. Everyone who was not doing guard duty was asleep. And there were surprisingly few guards in the base, all of which were wholly uninterested in Ava. Which was good, since her heart still started beating faster just seeing a guard. Now though, her heart was beating fast for a whole other reason than fear, when Beatrice looked up from her book and a surprised smile spread on her face.
"Ava, did you need something? Is something wrong with your room?" Beatrice asked, her expression worried now. Ava laughed a little and waved with her hand.
"No, it's all fine, I just couldn't sleep. I thought maybe I could get something to drink or to eat, to, you know, distract myself," Ava said, feeling a little silly now. But Beatrice's smile returned, even softer now, and she nodded.
"Of course. Like the general said, the mess hall is always open, you are welcome to get yourself food and drink whenever." Beatrice furrowed her brows a little, as if she was contemplating what to say next but then she pointed to the mug in front of her. "Maybe you want to join me for a nice cup of tea? I find it helps when you can't sleep."
Ava found herself smiling a lot more genuinely now, the warmth with which Beatrice looked at her making her feel like she truly wanted to help. That she understood somehow, even when she was part of the group Ava had thought were the enemy for the last ten years.
"I would love some tea, yes." Ava nodded and looked around, wondering where she could get some tea. Beatrice got up immediately and gestured to one of the dispensers standing around.
"Here, I will show you how to do it." Beatrice led Ava to the dispenser and showed her how to put a teabag in the mug and then fill it with hot water. Ava chose herbal tea, since that was what Beatrice recommended. When they went back to the table Beatrice looked contemplative, confused even. Ava tilted her head, wondering what it was about. To her surprise, the dread she would have felt before, thinking she had done something wrong was gone. Instead, she was curious what it was Beatrice was thinking about.
"Is everything alright? You look like you're trying to solve a difficult puzzle," Ava asked, grinning a little, suddenly feeling light and daring.
Ava knew she had always loved to laugh and joke as a kid, but with being drafted into the war and being injured horribly, only to be told she'd be patched up and send back and then spending ten years in hiding, always worrying, that part of herself had not come out for a long time. Weirdly enough, she remembered making puns and jokes during the brief period in the last few days when she had taken the medication and didn't remember anything of her past. Maybe that was indeed part of her real self. Hope rose up in Ava that she could get that part back. Especially when Beatrice laughed lightly and shook her head.
"Yes, I am alright. I was just wondering about your confusion about the tea. You've been here on Earth for ten years and have never made tea for yourself?" Beatrice asked, curiosity in her voice as well as gentle amusement. Ava furrowed her brows, taken aback by the question, which she had not expected. Clearly, Beatrice misunderstood Ava's confusion, shaking her head now, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was genuinely curious, but you don't need to tell me, of course."
Ava couldn't help but laugh a little. The fondness she already felt for Beatrice reached a new height. Shaking her head, Ava smiled at Beatrice in a way she hoped was reassuring.
"No, it's alright, I'm not offended you asked the question or anything. I just… I don't really know to be honest. I just never found tea appealing so I never drank it. I mostly just stuck to water or sometimes soda. Oh, or a hot chocolate from time to time. With cream." Ava laughed again, thinking about the times when she indulged in such delicacies.
When she had been a child, her family had been poor and food and drink had been scarce. Hot chocolate had been unthinkable. Once she had gotten here to Earth, she had allowed herself a lot more indulgences, but something had always held her back. Maybe the fear of being found out if she did too much, which in hindsight was absurd. It wasn't like people would think she was an alien because she drank tea or hot chocolate. Chuckling to herself about where her thoughts were going, Ava took a sip of the tea and immediately furrowed her brows in disgust and barely managed to not immediately spit it out again. Beatrice laughed.
"Not to your tastes?" Beatrice asked, genuine amusement playing in her voice. Ava shook her head vehemently. Laughing again, Beatrice gestured towards the other dispensers. "I'm pretty sure you could get a hot chocolate as well. Would you like to try that?"
Nodding enthusiastically, Ava followed Beatrice once again towards the dispensers. Getting the hot chocolate was just as easy as the tea, though there was sadly no whipped cream. Still, when they got back to the table, Ava tried the hot chocolate and nodded, sighing contentedly.
"This is a lot better." Ava smiled to herself happily, the sweet taste and warmth of the hot chocolate making her feel a lot calmer, warming her up from the inside out. Looking up at Beatrice, who had an unreadable look on her face, Ava felt a pang of embarrassment for showing her reaction so openly. What if Beatrice was judging her for not liking tea when she was so obviously enjoying it? "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult tea. I'm sure it can be very tasty."
Beatrice laughed softly and shook her head.
"Ava, you don't have to like tea just because I do." Beatrice tilted her head and furrowed her brows, leaning a little closer to Ava. "You are free now, to try out everything you want and to do anything you want." Beatrice looked a little taken aback by what she had just said and chuckled. "Well, within reason that is."
Laughing at that, Ava felt her heart already become a lot lighter again, especially when she looked into Beatrice's shining eyes. Ava felt a mischievous smirk form on her lips, feeling light and carefree in a way she hadn't been for many many years.
"Oh but reason is so overrated, don't you think?" Ava asked, trying hard to push down the concern of being too familiar, too cheeky that wanted to rise up in her and cling to the lightness she had just felt. Beatrice's bright smile made it easier, as did the way she nodded.
"It is sometimes, yes."
Beatrice's tone was light, making it obvious that she was joking. It made Ava's heart beat faster, to have found someone she could joke with, someone she had thought was an enemy just a few days ago. Taking another sip of her hot chocolate and sighing happily, Ava felt contentedness rise up in her. This was something she hadn't felt in very many years, maybe never and she clung to it with both hands.
Maybe things would turn out alright.