Fevered Longing

As George Grady sat tapping his foot in the subway car on his way from Brooklyn to midtown, he wished that the uptown A would move a whole hell of a lot faster--turn into an express and skip a bunch of stops, please. The whole evening had been awful and strange and was undoubtedly about to get even stranger once he made his way from the 34th St. stop to Madison Square Garden.

The whole thing had started when Kip got home from campus, exhausted, feverish and irritable. George had made sure the kid took some Tylenol with a big glass of water and then sent him off to bed ridiculously early. Kip had been wearing himself out, spending his days on campus doing his own classes and research and taking care of his other grad student responsibilities and then his evenings busting his ass at one or the other of his jobs. George wished for the kind of money that would allow him to spare his son from some of that stress, but yeah not in this lifetime. Not in this economy, not in this capitalist hellscape.

A few hours after Kip had trudged up the stairs to bed, George went up himself. While he was getting himself ready for sleep, he heard a strange, loud thump from the direction of Kip's room.

"Kip?" He called out. "You fall out of bed or what? You okay?"

The oppressed, annoyed response that George expected never came, so George rinsed out his toothbrush and went to stand outside Kip's door. "Hey, Kip? You hear me?" No response. "Kid! Let me know you're okay in there!"

When there was still no response, George put his hand on the doorknob and turned it, feeling guilty for violating Kip's privacy. When they'd agreed that Kip would continue living at home, George had promised to respect Kip's space and not treat him like a child. But he was still George's kid, even if he was so big and so strong. When he heard a miserable moan from inside the room, George pushed the door open more quickly and found Kip on the floor in his t-shirt and boxers, shivering like he had just come in from a blizzard.

It didn't even look like Kip had fallen out of bed. From his position on the floor, George was certain Kip had gotten out of bed on purpose and then collapsed, and as George crouched on the floor next to Kip, he could feel the frighteningly high fever that must have made Kip pass out. Holy shit, George thought. Holy shit, this is not just a touch of the flu. Holy shit, I am never going to be able to haul this kid up and out of the house to urgent care or a hospital. Holy shit, I have to call for a goddamn ambulance.

George hurried back to his own room to get his phone as well as the clothes he had only removed moments earlier. He sat on the edge of Kip's bed as he called 911. At the operator's urging, he tried to get Kip to talk about what was going on, but all Kip would do was squint his eyes open and ask for somebody named Scott.

"Kip, it's just me, your old dad, here. I don't know who Scott is. Can you tell me?"

Kip made a sad noise and shook his head then winced. As George could already hear the siren approaching in the near distance, Kip started to shake harder, his whole body jerking in what the operator said was most likely a seizure. George was able to slip a pillow in under his head to protect it from slamming against the hard floor that had only a thin carpet over it and then, at the operator's urging, he got Kip turned onto his side before he raced downstairs to let the paramedics inside the house.

After that, everything went completely crazy for a while. The medics got Kip's now limp body downstairs and then carted him out to the ambulance strapped down and covered in blankets against the crisp fall night air. George grabbed both of their wallets and Kip's phone then bullied his way into riding in the back of the ambulance because he did not want his kid out of his sight after the horror of the seizure.

Later, in a treatment area in the emergency room, after they had put an IV in Kip and pumped him full of meds and fluids, Kip came around enough to open his heavy-lidded eyes and start asking for Scott again.

"Kid, I'm sorry, I don't know who Scott is. Can you tell me?"

"Mmmm boyfriend. Miss him, dad."

"Aw, kid. Is that the guy you were seeing last year? The one you said was too far in the closet to even meet your dad? You don't really want that guy here, do you?"

"I do. Miss him. Sorry. Love him." Kip sniffled and raised a shaky hand to rub at his eyes.

God damn it. George hadn't seen Kip cry since the day his teenage son had come out to him. Kip had approached George with his shoulders squared, chin tipped up, a flinty kind of fear in his eyes, and said, "Dad, I'm gay. Definitely gay."

When George said, "That's fine, kid. I love you. Thank you for telling me," Kip's stubborn face had collapsed into tears, and George had pulled him close until he had calmed down, leaning all of his weight into George's then-larger body. Now Kip was so much stronger--stronger than George had been even in his prime and much stronger than the wiry teen he'd been when he'd come out. George couldn't see much of himself in his son, but just knowing that his genetics went halfway to making the man Kip had grown into made George proud as hell.

And Kip had always been so healthy. Even as a kid, he hadn't come down with as many illnesses as his co-workers' kids had seemed to suffer from. But now, at nearly 30, he was sick enough to make up for all of those years of sturdy health. The doctor still wanted to do some kind of additional test, but she had explained that Kip most likely had caught meningitis on campus. They were flooding him with antibiotics and trying to get his fever down, and according to the doctor they seemed to have gotten him to the hospital early enough to hopefully avoid any of the worst possible consequences.

His fever was still stubbornly high, and Kip seemed to be deeply uncomfortable as he shifted against the scratchy hospital sheets. "Can you get Scott to come?"

"Well, I can call him if you want me to. Sure." George pulled Kip's phone out and used the kid's face to unlock it then found the contact for "Scott 💔" and placed a call. The number just rang and rang, and George imagined the asshole sitting in a house somewhere with his wife and kids probably, wondering why his ex-boyfriend was calling him after so many months. When there was no answer, George tried the call again, but still nobody answered. Fucking fuck. "I'm sorry, I couldn't get him, but I'll keep trying."

"Hmmm," Kip said, "game day maybe? Probably won't have his phone until later. Hmmm. Want Scott." Kip frowned with his eyes closed.

"Aw, kid. What kind of game day, huh?"

Kip slitted his eyes open and made bleary eye contact with George. "You can't tell anyone. Not anyone, dad."

"No, course not. What do you want to tell me?"

"Um, Scott plays hockey. He's, um--" Kip gestured for George to come closer, and then he whispered, "Scott Hunter."

"What? Of the fucking Admirals? What?"

Kip nodded, his chin wobbling with tears he seemed to exhausted to hold back. "Y-yeah. That's him, my Scott."

"Aw, okay. Yeah, I get the whole closet thing now, I think. Yeah, okay. Let me check their game schedule." George pulled that up on his phone and saw that the Admirals were playing a game in town that evening. The game was still going on at that point, up in midtown Manhattan. "Yeah, he's playing now. Apparently, they're giving Philly a real spanking tonight."

"Hmmm. I want Scott. Love him, and I should've--shoulda been more patient, given him more time."

"I'll call him some more later, once the game is over, see if I can get him here. Sorry it's just me for now, kid."

"Thanks, dad. Glad you're here. Sorry I'm sick, and this is a big pain."

"No, hey, you don't need to apologize for catching a nasty bug on campus. Just focus on getting better, okay?"

"Kay."

The doctor walked back in then, accompanied by a small crowd of other medical people. "Mr. Grady, we're going to do that lumbar puncture so we can confirm which kind of meningitis this is, and then we'll be getting Kip admitted to a room upstairs. Please step out to the waiting room, and somebody will call you once he's settled in a room."

"You want me to leave him?" George absolutely didn't want to leave his sick and vulnerable son alone to the tender mercies of strangers.

"Please. I'm sorry, but we do need to work, and you won't want to watch this."

"Dad?" Kip said, his voice shaky. "Dad? Get Scott please? Please? Want Scott."

"Yeah, kid, I'll try. And I'll be close by. Just let these people know if you want me back with you, okay?"

"Uh-huh. Oh, hey," Kip said as a nurse pulled back the sheets covering him and started to roll him onto his side.

"Mr. Grady. Waiting room now, please," the doctor said, her voice stern now.

"Yeah, okay. Okay. Take care of him, okay?"

"Yes, of course," the doctor said as she fiddled with tools, including a large needle, on a rolling tray stand.

George felt sick himself as he backed out of the room and then made his way to the waiting room. He wanted to be with Kip but what Kip wanted was his Scott. Scott fucking Hunter of all people! God damn. George realized that he did, at least, know where Scott Hunter was located right then. He was very clearly at Madison Square Garden playing hockey against Philly, but he was still not answering his phone. It was probably in the locker room somewhere, turned off or just ringing fruitlessly. If only George had a phone number for the coach or somebody who probably still had their phone on them, but he absolutely did not have that number.

And Kip wanted this man, wanted him so badly, badly enough to reluctantly out the man to George, which he hadn't even hinted at doing during their months of dating. God damn. George went to the front desk to explain that he was leaving the hospital but that he definitely wanted to get a call if anything changed with Kip, and then he beat feet to the nearest subway station.

About 45 minutes later, George was standing outside of the stadium. According to the news on his phone, the Admirals had won handily, and the crowd swarming out through the doors made it clear that the game was over. George tried calling Scott again, but there was still no answer. God damn. George made his way upstream through the crowd to get inside and got the attention of the first security guard he saw.

"Excuse me sir, I'm sorry. My name is George Grady. I'm trying to get in touch with Mr. Scott Hunter about a personal emergency. Could you possibly get a message to him for me? I know this is crazy, but a friend of his is in the hospital, pretty sick. Please, sir? I'm not asking you to let me in, just to get a message to him please."

The guard sighed heavily. "Yeah, okay. Grady, you said?"

"Yep. Thanks, man. Tell him it's about his friend Kip."

"Yeah. You can park it in a seat over there, if you want. I'll see what I can do."

"Will do. Thanks!"

George went and sat down in a padded vinyl chair and googled some information about meningitis. That was absolutely frightening, so he went back to looking at articles about tonight's hockey game instead. While he sat there, George received a phone call from a nurse at the hospital, who gave George Kip's new room number and said that Kip was currently stable. Enough time had gone by that George was starting to think he should just give up and go back to the hospital when he heard a voice in front of him. "Mr. Grady? Um?"

George looked up--way up--to see Scott Hunter's famously handsome mug looking down at him from above a tailored, gray game day suit. Standing up, George nodded. "That's me. George Grady. Kip's dad."

"Oh, shit." Hunter put a hand over his mouth and turned himself around in a slow circle. When he was facing George again, he asked, "What's going on?"

"He's pretty sick. Meningitis, they think. And he kept asking for you, wanted you there real bad."

"Aw, crap. Um, he told you? About--?"

"About the two of you, yes. No details though, and I swore not to tell a soul. I wouldn't do that, Mr. Hunter. But will you please come to Brooklyn with me to see him?I think that would help him feel a lot better."

"Yeah. Yeah, sure, I can do that. Which hospital?"

George told him. "It's about a 40 minute ride on the subway."

"I'm getting us a car," Hunter said as he poked at his phone. "The train would be a shitshow for me."

"Yeah, I guess so." Several minutes later, George walked out to the street with Scott Hunter, expecting to continue on to the subway station once Hunter was in his towncar, but then Hunter gestured for George to get in the car with him.

"Come on, Mr. Grady. We might as well ride there together, yeah?"

"Sure, thanks." George got in through the rear driver's side door and settled down next to Scott Hunter in the back seat of the car. The whole evening just kept getting weirder and weirder. "I'm sorry to have accosted you like this after you just played a game."

"No, it's okay. I'm glad you came to get me. I hate to think of Kip being sick and wanting me there. I should've--damn. Should've been braver."

"Yeah? I heard some should'ves from my son a little earlier. I'm getting the impression you two meant a lot to each other."

"He meant and still means a whole lot to me. I just wasn't ready to give up everything else for him, but I should have. I really fucked up. Uh, sorry, sir."

"No, hey, no need to apologize to me. I get that your relationship was probably complicated."

"Yeah. But I meant for the language. Sometimes I forget I'm not always in a locker room."

"Hah, well, I've been working with teenagers since the 80s, so I've heard the word before a time or two. Unless you're literally cursing my son out, I'm not concerned about your language."

"I wouldn't. Um, what happened with Kip?"

"He came home from campus early this evening, and he seemed to be coming down with something, went up to bed early. Then he collapsed or passed out whatever, probably from the crazy high fever. Then he actually had a seizure while I was waiting for the ambulance to get there."

"Oh, fuck."

"Yeah, it wasn't good, but he was doing better when I left him at the hospital, fever down a little at least. They kicked me out so they could do a test on him, and he just wanted you so much. I had to come and try to get through to you."

"Fuck." Scott hung his head and covered his face with his large hands. "Crap."

George could hear that the tall man next to him was breathing harder, faster, and he didn't love the idea of being trapped in traffic with a famous hockey player having a panic attack next to him. "Hey, Scott?" George put a hand on Scott's shoulder and turned toward the man as much as he could with the seatbelt on. "Can I call you Scott?" At the answering nod, George squeezed Scott's tense, meaty shoulder. "Scott, try to breath a little slower, please."

Scott shook his head, his face still covered by his hands. "Don' wanna lose him before I have another chance."

"Hey, no, hey, nobody's losing anybody here. Kip's pretty sick, but he's strong, and I got him help right away. He's going to be okay. Especially once he has you there with him."

Scott's shoulder went somewhat lax under George's hand, and Scott's next breath was slower, deeper. "Yeah? You think?"

"I know. I know it." George patted Scott's arm, and Scott dropped his hands to look at George with reddened eyes. Damn. Scott fucking Hunter actually cared about Kip Grady, for real. Life sure was weird sometimes. "And hey, sounds like you did a great job against Philly tonight, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess, thanks. I mean, for what it's worth. I want this to be our season. I want to get the cup finally, but more than that I want Kip to be okay and to be back in my life."

"Well, hey, that's something for you two to work on, yeah?"

"Yeah, I hope. I'm sorry, sir, that I wouldn't agree to come meet you while Kip and I were together."

"It's okay. I understand, I think, why it would be so difficult for you. Well, as much as an old, straight guy can understand, I guess. I get that it's more complicated when you're not just another anonymous guy in the city."

"Uh, yeah. It is. Thank you for being so kind."

"Hey, you seem to mean a lot to my kid, and he means everything to me, so you're probably going to mean a lot to me, too. Does your family know about Kip?"

"Don't really have one. A family, that is. My parents died a long time ago, so all I have are some more distant relatives. My real family is the team, and no they don't know about Kip. They don't know about me either, for that matter. That might have to change sometime soon though."

"Yeah? Well, you should go for it if it's the right time for you. And I'm so sorry about your folks."

"Thanks. Hmm. But you knew about Kip before? Being gay, I mean?"

"Oh, yeah. That kid came out to me when he was in high school. He was about ready to fight his old man over it, I think, but there was no need for that. I wasn't mad about it at all. I love him no matter what."

"Yeah? I'm glad. He's lucky."

"I'm the lucky one. You've met my kid, right?"

Scott nodded, giving George a small, watery smile. "He's pretty great, yeah. So he's actually in grad school now? You said he was on campus?"

"Yep. Got himself a full ride scholarship, and he's working his ass off to keep all those balls in the air. School and his jobs and commuting and everything."

"Hmmm. I could make it easier on him, if he'll let me."

"Well, that's nice of you, but good luck with that. He's a proud one, my Kip."

"Yeah. A less proud man would have tried harder with me, asked me more to come meet you and his friends, but Kip wasn't going to do anything even close to begging for what he wanted. I wish he had. I wish I weren't so scared to lose hockey that I lost him instead."

"I don't think you lost him, not really. He's there in the hospital waiting for you, and hopefully we'll be there pretty soon."

"Yes. Speaking of which--" Scott took out his phone and started frantically tapping at it. "Hey, Carlos?" Scott leaned forward to talk to the driver. "Can I get you to make a stop in about a block at a half?"

"Sure, Mr. Hunter. No problem. What's the address?"

Scott gave the driver an address nearby, and a couple of minutes later the car pulled up to the curb in front of a florist shop. Scott went inside and then returned to the car a few minutes later with an extravagantly huge arrangement in a ceramic vase.

"Wow," George said, catching the scent of the roses in the arrangement. "That's…large."

"He deserves it. I want him to know how I feel."

"Knowing him, words will work best for that, but I'm sure he'll appreciate the flowers, too."

"I hope so. God, I'm so torn between being sad that Kip is sick and also happy that he wanted to see me. Is that fucked up?"

"No, makes sense to me. I guess I'm torn, too, between being horribly shocked by my healthy kid suddenly being so sick and happily shocked that he's apparently in love with a big, famous hockey player."

"Eh, I guess I am kind of famous and definitely big, but I'm just a guy, really. A guy who got lucky enough to be able to follow his dreams. You don't need to treat me like I'm anything special."

"Well, Kip seems to think a whole lot of you, which makes you pretty special in my book."

"That's nice to hear, seriously, but if you can just treat me the same as if Kip had been dating some closet case stock broker or something, that would be good, I think. I don't really want to be Admirals captain Scott Hunter right now. I just want to be Scott Hunter who loves Kip. If that makes any sense."

"Yeah, sure does. And I'll do my best. I am a fan though, i have to say, so it might be a bit of a struggle for me."

"Well, thanks, I appreciate it. And thanks too for being a fan. You and Kip are always welcome to use my reserved tickets to see any game you want."

"Yeah? That would be amazing, thank you. As long as Kip wants to go, I'll be more than happy to go with."

"That would mean a lot to me, thank you."

The car pulled up in front of the hospital then, and George got out of the car and followed Scott and Scott's huge flower arrangement into the building. Up on the 8th floor, George let Scott lead the way to room 821, his long legs eating up the distance down the hallway. Scott walked into the room first, and George stepped in behind him, just in time to see Kip notice Scott and the flowers and to see Kip's eyes overflow with tears.

Scott turned around, eyes wild, and shoved the vase of flowers at George. As soon as George had a grip on the vase, Scott strode over to Kip's bed and wrapped Kip up in his arms

~~~

Scott could feel Kip's fever baking through his clothes everywhere that Kip was touching him, from Kip's head burrowing into his chest to Kip's arms wrapped around his back. He could feel Kip shaking too--not a seizure like George had described from earlier, just weak, feverish shivering that Scott ached to make go away. He pulled back then, far enough to get a look at Kip's handsome face, pale now except for the fever flush on his cheeks. Scott pushed Kip's sweaty hair back from his face then leaned in to press a long, lingering kiss to his forehead. "Oh, baby," he said then. "I'm sorry you're sick. I'm glad you wanted to see me, though. I'm here as long as you want me here."

"Hmmm, thanks," Kip said with the smallest possible hint of a smile. "Stay please?"

"Of course. Always."

"Mmmm. How'd you get here?"

"By car. You haven't forgotten about cars have you?" At Kip's wry look, Scott added, "Your dad came to get me. Scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry. Um." Kip leaned to the side to look around Scott. "Thanks, dad."

"No problem, kiddo. Your man brought you these." George hefted up the vase full of flowers, and Kip's smile broadened.

"Wow. Wow, Scott. Seriously, for me?"

"Of course for you. They're not a big deal."

"Big deal to me." Kip's smile turned into a slight frown.

"Hey," Scott said, taking Kip's hand in his."You're a big deal to me. The flowers are just a small way of trying to express that. I'm not the best with words, you know. Just a dumb jock."

"Yeah, not quite." Kip shook his head then winced hard, and Scott squeezed his hand.

"Shh. You want to close your eyes and rest for a while?"

"Yeah, I guess. Um, dad?"

"Yeah, Kip?" George stood on Kip's other side.

"You should go on home and get some sleep. I'm sure you have work tomorrow."

"I'm sure I'll be calling in to work tomorrow, and I don't want to leave you alone."

"He won't be alone," Scott said, hoping he'd guessed right about what Kip wanted,and the small smile from Kip told him he'd been right. "I promise, I won't leave until after you get back here tomorrow."

"Um, huh. Kip, is that what you want?"

"Yeah. Thanks, dad."

"Okay. Well, thank you Scott. Can I put my number in your phone so you can call if my kid needs me at any time?"

"Yeah, sure." Scott unlocked his phone and handed it over to George.

"Okay, done." George handed back the phone. "Please do call me if you think it would help for me to be back here. Middle of the night, whatever. Scott, will you do that?"

"Yes, sir. I swear. We'll be fine here while you go home and get some rest."

"Well, I guess I'll do that then. Kip, here's your phone if you want it." George put it down on the rolling table next to Kip's bed. "Feel better, kid. And remember to call the nurse if you feel bad, right?"

"Right," Kip said. "Good night, dad."

George left then, looking back over his shoulder before he was out of the room, and Scott envied Kip for the connection he had with his father.

"Wow," Kip said, "I still can't believe you're here. My dad came and got you, for real?"

"Yeah. It was after the game. I was in the locker room with the team, just out of the showers, hadn't turned my phone back on yet, and one of the Garden's security guards knocked and came in, all full of apologies. He told me that a Mr. Grady was asking for me, something about an emergency, and that it had to do with Kip. I swear, the whole room took a spin around me. I had to hold onto my stall until everything went steady enough for me to finish getting dressed so I could go out and find your dad and order a car to get us here. Holy shit. How'd you get so sick?"

"Guess I caught it on campus. I guess they're telling all the new first years to get vaccinated, but some of them skip it."

"Assholes."

"Yeah. Asshole parents mostly, I think. Back when I started undergrad, they weren't pushing it so much, and I wasn't going to the doctor much at that point since I'd gotten past the pediatrician stage."

"Right. Damn. So, how bad do you feel?"

"Eh, not as bad as it could be, for sure. I feel crappy from the fever, have a headache, kind of achy all over."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Do you want me to see if the nurse can give you anything else?"

"No, I've had plenty of drugs, for real. I just want to try to sleep, I think. Can you turn off the big light for me?"

"Sure, of course." Scott got up and turned off the light then returned to stand next to Kip.

"Hey, I'm sure you're tired. The recliner over there is probably not too bad, even if it's not big enough for you."

"I'll try it out after you fall asleep. And remember, if you wake up in the night and want me, just call out, and I'll wake up."

"Always want you," Kip said, so sweet.

"Same, baby. And I'll be here, so you just try to get some sleep so you can get better."

"Kay."

Scott stood holding Kip's hand and watching him closely enough that he saw when Kip's face relaxed into sleep, the pain lines around his eyes and mouth fading away. After another couple of minutes, he let go of Kip's hand and settled it under the covers before heading over to the recliner chair, which definitely didn't look like it was built with Scott in mind. He tried to get comfortable, but his shoulders were too wide, his legs too long, and his suit not exactly ideal for sleeping, even with the tie off and some buttons unbuttoned. He used the jacket as a sort of blanket with unspoken apologies to his tailor, who took great pride in his work, as he absolutely should.

Despite the discomfort, Scott really was tired from playing hard against Philly, and he did manage to drift off to sleep eventually. It was still night, the room still dim, when the wordless, keening sound woke him up--first stealing into his dreams and then waking him up in a panic when he realized that it had to be Kip, and that something had to be wrong. Scott vaulted up out of the recliner without even pushing down the footrest and made it to Kip's side to see that his face was screwed up in pain.

"Hey, baby, what's going on?" Scott put his hand on Kip's face and felt a kind of heat that he'd never felt coming from any human being before in his life. "Hey, that's one hell of a fever."

"Huh?" Kip's eyes opened slightly. "No, Scott, you shouldn't be here. Not safe for you. Dad?"

"It's okay. I'm just fine. You sent your dad home, but I'm staying here with you. You want the nurse?"

"N-no. Ugh, my head. Fuck."

Scott hit the button for the nurse anyway. "His fever is higher, and he's in pain," Scott said to the woman who answered over the intercom. "Kip, baby, I'm sorry you feel so bad."

"Shouldn't be here." Kip shook his head, looking so worried that Scott couldn't stand it. He had done this, made keeping Scott in the closet more important than Kip's well being. It wasn't okay.

"No, no, I totally should be here. I love you, okay?"

"Don't! Somebody could hear." Kip looked around like he expected there to be a gathered crowd, though they were alone in the room.

"I don't care right now. Don't worry, please. Please, baby."

"Ugh, fuck." Kip gasped strangely then started shaking hard, seizing Scott assumed, just as the nurse stepped into the room.

She looked at her watch then checked the monitor for Kip's vitals. "I'll be right back."

Scott didn't at all like the shuddery, uneven way that Kip was breathing, and the look on Kip's face communicated that Kip was aware in there somewhere and not having a nice time at all. And yet, Scott was glad for that bit of awareness in Kip's eyes because other than that he pretty much just looked like he was about to die, and that was not acceptable to Scott. He could not lose Kip before he even properly got Kip back in his life again. How could anybody expect Scott to ever be okay again after something like that?

"Hey, baby, hey. You're going to be okay. I know this sucks, but you're safe here in the hospital, and I'm right here with you. I love you. Can you hear that? I love you, so please be okay. Please?"

Kip just continued to shake and jerk on the bed, and Scott hovered, ready to grab Kip if he started to tip off the edge of the bed. The nurse returned then and injected something into Kip's IV and then a second something. A few more breaths went by with Kip seizing, and then Kip's movements started to slow down, his face finally relaxing, the agony in his expression fading.

"Yes, baby, that's good. You're doing so good. Just breathe, yeah, you're doing great. Oh, shit." Scott felt his own legs shaking, going weak under him, and he stumbled back to lean against the wall for a minute before he could manage to move sideways enough to drop to sit on the window seat.

"You okay over there, sir?" The nurse's words confused Scott for a moment before he realized she was talking to him. "Lean your head over your knees if you feel dizzy, all right?"

Scott didn't actually feel dizzy, but he also wasn't 100% sure he could reliably stand up at the moment. "I'm okay here. Thanks," he answered the nurse. Scott needed something. He needed to reach out to somebody who was outside of the hospital room, somebody solid. Once he had fumbled his phone out of his pocket, he navigated with trembling fingers to place a call to Coach Murdock.

"Hey, Scott. What's going on?"

"Uh, hi, Coach. Do you think you could have time to meet with me sometime in the next few days? To talk about something kind of personal that could impact the team?"

"Scotty, what's wrong? What's going on right now?"

"Nothing, really, right now. I'm okay, I swear. A, uh, friend of mine is not so great, but I'm fine."

"Uh-huh. I don't suppose this has anything to do with the older guy who sent a security guard to look for you in the locker room last night?"

Fuck, Scott thought. Of course coach would have heard about that. It was an odd enough occurrence, certainly. Damn it. "Yeah, pretty much."

"You knock up some man's daughter or what, Scott?"

"Uh, definitely or what in that scenario. Nothing like that. Oh my god."

"Good, okay. You sure you're safe right now? I can get to you in the city if you need me."

"No, but thank you. I appreciate you being such a supportive coach, but I really just wanted to touch base for a moment. I'm fine now."

"Yeah, whatever you say. I'll text you about meeting up. I just want to check my calendar and my wife's calender, haha."

"Great. Thanks." They had the next two days off, so it would make sense if Coach and his wife had plans, but Kip was hoping to talk to the man sooner than later.

By the time Scott finished the call and put away his phone, the nurse had left the room, so Scott stood slowly and deliberately and went back over to Kip's side. He was terribly pale and still shaking slightly, but nothing like during the actual seizure. He was hooked up to oxygen now, and Scott hoped it was helping him feel better after the struggling, choking way he'd been breathing minutes ago. And wow, Scott realized, he really needed to reach out to George Grady. Scott took a few steps away from the bed and dialed that contact.

"H'llo? Wassup?"

"Mr. Grady? Hi, this is Scott Hunter. Kip is okay. I promise he's okay, but he had a seizure, and I thought I should let you know."

"Uh, fuck yeah, you should let me know. How long was it?"

"I don't know exactly, but the nurse was tracking the time. I think a couple minutes or less. It was scary, but he's resting now."

"Yeah, he had one at home, too. Definitely goddamn scary. What time is it? 4 am. Aw, fuck."

"I'm sorry to have woken you up."

"No, I would've been super pissed at you if you hadn't. Okay? I'm going to get myself going, call into work, and then I'll get to the hospital. So, not too long. Call me again if something else happens, you got that?"

"I got it. See you soon, but take your time."

"Right, right. Thanks, Scott."

That, Scott thought, could have gone worse. Possibly better but definitely worse. He walked back over to the bed and took Kip's shaky hand in his. There was no way he was getting more sleep, not when something awful like another seizure could possibly happen. Not when he'd been sleeping when Kip went into the last one, which felt like a failure to Scott. One-handed, Scott sent a text to his two closest friends on the team, Benny and Vaughny.

Scott: Hey guys, any chance both of you could meet me for late breakfast at the usual place today? Maybe 11 am?

He didn't expect to hear back from them anytime soon, but at least he'd started the process of reaching out to them. He needed to feel like he'd done something, given how utterly powerless he was to actually help Kip at the moment. A few hours later, after Scott had given in to exhaustion and gravity and dragged a chair over to sit next to the bed, a doctor came to visit Kip. She introduced herself to Scott but wouldn't share any information or observations since Scott wasn't on file as a contact person for Kip, which Scott guessed was fair enough even if it was a pain in his ass at the moment. Kip didn't wake up while she was checking on him, and Scott hoped that wasn't a bad sign. He also hoped that George would be willing to share information with Scott once it was passed along to him from the doctor. Surely the doctor would call Kip's father to give him an update? Since Kip was in no shape to participate in his own care?

Scott cursed himself more than anything or anyone else because this could have been different. If Scott had been willing to nut up and crack open his closet door the way Kip had wanted, they could be serious boyfriends now. Maybe even engaged? And Scott would be allowed to get information about the man he loved. He did still love Kip deeply, even if they hadn't seen each other in months. He hadn't even considered dating or trying to sleep with any other guys, no matter how lonely he had felt in the wake of Kip leaving him. Scott felt like a basketcase. He knew he was a basketcase, and he just hoped that Kip would be willing to get back together with such a basketcase of a man once Kip was feeling better.

By the time George arrived, double-fisting cups of coffee and offering one to Scott, there were replies in his text thread with Vaughny and Benny.

Scott: Hey guys, any chance both of you could meet me for late breakfast at the usual place today? Maybe 11 am?
Benny: Sure, I can do that. Everything okay, Cap?
Vaughny: Yeah, I could destroy some waffles for real. What's up?
Scott: I'm okay. Thanks guys! We'll talk over food, yeah?
Vaughny: 💯
Benny: 👍

The usual place was a diner near midtown that had excellent breakfast food that was absolutely not on any of their nutrition plans and yet completely worth the carbs and calories, which were easy enough to work off in a practice or training session. Scott figured he might as well enjoy those meals now while he still had the energy needs of a professional athlete. After retirement, he'd probably have to rein it in to keep from getting too soft too quickly, but then again maybe stuffed French toast would always be worth a long, hard run as long as his knees held out.

George explained that the doctor had called him after her morning rounds, and the most important thing he had taken away from the discussion was that it would be a fairly bad thing if Kip continued to have seizures at this point. According to the doctor, seizures early in the course of bacterial meningitis were expected and didn't mean that much, but when they happened later into treatment that would make negative repercussions of the infection much more likely. Nobody wanted that, especially not for Kip with his bright, wonderful brain and academic ambitions. George said that they were treating Kip with heavy duty antibiotics and fever-reducers along with anti-seizure drugs, and Scott sincerely hoped that all of it worked together to get him well and keep him safe. Also, according to the doctor, Kip was likely to be in the hospital for about a week total, even if there were no terrible complications, so they would all need to get used to being there.

Scott and George discussed a schedule of sorts. That day, since George had called in to work, he would stay at the hospital all day, and then Scott would return in the evening and stay overnight again. The next day, George would go in to work to keep his boss happy, and Scott would spend the day with Kip since he didn't have any team obligations for the day, and then George would stay the night. After that, they would regroup to plan the next few days, and Scott hoped that by that point Kip would be aware enough to give input about whether he actually wanted Scott around at all. Sure, he had asked for Scott early on, but how much of that was genuine and how much of that was his fevered brain reaching out for anything to make it feel better? Scott didn't mind doing anything he could to help Kip feel better, but he definitely wanted it to be more genuine and deeper than that on Kip's side.

"Damn," George said, sitting slumped in the cursed recliner chair with his head in his hands. "His mother ought to be here."

Scott had been wondering what was up with that, but it had felt wrong to ask without an opening. Now, though, he had an opening. "Where--um? Is she?"

"Fucking New Mexico. She left me--well, us both, I guess--the month that Kip went back for his second year of undergrad. I mean, I'm glad she waited until he was grown, but it still sucked a lot. She was heading into the change of life, you know, and she was just ready for something different. Really different, I guess. She had set everything up with a local lawyer before she left, so I got served with papers, and the whole thing got hashed out without her even coming back to the city. I'm not aware of her coming back at all in the last ten years. I would tell her about this here, but she blocked me a long time ago, and I don't feel right about sneaking through on Kip's phone."

"I'm sorry," Scott said."That sounds really hard."

"Yeah, well, I'd take dealing with my wife leaving me all over again instead of Kip being so sick, but I guess that's not a choice I get to make. I appreciate you taking the time to be here, though. It would be harder on my own."

"Of course. Kip means so much to me. I get that it's weird since we haven't been together for months, but I really hope that we'll be able to try again once Kip is out of the hospital."

"I hope so, too. You seem like a good guy, and I guess I understand why Kip was suddenly so invested in hockey after so many years of barely tolerating having it on the TV in his vicinity."

"Heh, yeah, I can believe that. So, you two don't have other family locally?"

"Eh, my parents are still living. They're in their 80s, so I don't want to ask them to make the trek here from their retirement high-rise and spend time here in an uncomfortable hospital room. I have a brother, but he didn't take it too well when Kip came out, so that was it for me and my brother. And Kip's cousins weren't any better than their dad, unfortunately. Kip's mother's family has always been out in California, and they were never close, so it's pretty much just the two of us, though my folks do join us for holidays and stuff."

"Got it. That's nice that Kip got to know at least some of his grandparents. I never had that."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Well, if you and Kip get back together, just know that you'll have the Grady family as your family, too."

"Aw, wow, that's very kind of you, sir. I'm glad that Kip has your support, after coming out and all."

"Well, of course. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, he's my kid. I don't give a good goddamn who he wants to sleep with or whatever as long they're all consenting adults, and they treat him well. You seem to fit both of those requirements."

"Yeah, definitely consenting, and I do my best as far as treating him well. He needs me to be more open about being gay, and I'm working on it. Swear to god. I hope it doesn't bother you that I'm a little older."

"Ah, well, you're not older than me. What are you, about 40?"

"About that, yeah. Old as hell in hockey years."

"Sure, but just getting going in regular man years. You two can have lots of good years together if that's what Kip wants."

"I hope so. I really do." Scott's chest ached with the force of that hoping combined with hoping that Kip would be okay. "Okay, if you're good here, I'm going to head out. I'll be back around six this evening so you can go get dinner. Please call or text me if something happens, and I should get back here?"

"Sure thing. Kip and I will be okay here. Thanks again for caring."

"You don't need to thank me for that. I mean, I can't help it, not at all. See you later."

Scott had three hours before he was scheduled to meet up with the guys in midtown, so he headed home first to get cleaned up and changed out of the game day suit that had been bothering the hell out of him for so many hours. A pair of soft, worn jeans a a hoodie sounded really goddamn good.

By 10:45, Scott was settled into a booth with both a bloody Mary and a cup of coffee in front of him,waiting for his closest friends to get there. They arrived at the same time, and Scott stood to hug them both before they piled into the side of the booth across from Scott.

"So," Vaughy said with his hands flat on the table, "what the hell is going on? You look like you went on a bender or something last night, and that's not you, man."

"Yeah, did you get any sleep at all?" Benny asked.

"A little, yeah, but it wasn't too good. I was at a hospital in Brooklyn, actually."

"What? What's wrong?" Benny asked.

"What happened?" Vaughny said at the same time.

"I wasn't there for me. I'm okay, I promise. It's a friend of mine; he's pretty sick. His dad was the guy who came looking for me at the Garden."

"You know what the rumor was?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, Coach told me. But nah, nothing like that."

Vaughny chuckled. "I didn't think so. Not you, Scott."

"No, but that sort of ties into what I wanted to talk to you guys about."

"Yeah? What's up? Hit me with whatever. I'm here for you," Benny said.

"That means a lot to me. Thank you. So, I'm going to tell you something, and I'm asking you to keep it to yourselves for right now. I'm going to tell coach, too, really soon. But it might be a while before I go beyond that."

"Sure," Vaughny said, "no problem."

"So, well, the thing is that I'm gay. Always have been."

Benny just nodded, but Vaughny looked shocked. "What, seriously?"

"Seriously. Captain Cocksucker right here," Scott said, pitching his voice low and quiet.

"Hey, no, please don't talk about our captain that way. Sorry, I was just surprised, man. I'm here for you, no matter what."

"Eh, it's just the truth. But thank you. That means a lot."

"So," Benny asked, "the friend who's in the hospital--are you two together?"

Scott sighed heavily. "No. We were, but he broke things off when I wouldn't relax enough about privacy to even meet his dad or his friends. I can't really blame him, I guess. That was months ago, but I still care about him, and he was asking for me, according to his dad."

"Wow, yeah, that would be tough to have a relationship with somebody who needs to hide you that bad, but I get it, the way the media keeps its eye on you." Benny looked so compassionate about it that Scott wanted to hug him again.

"Right. But now I have to decide what's really most important to me. And I think it's probably Kip who's the most important thing now."

"Kip? That's your, uh, friend?" Vaughny asked.

"Yeah. It's short for Christopher, but he totally goes by Kip."

Vaughny tilted his head back and forth "Weird,but fair enough. Okay. Tell us about him?"

"Well, he's a little younger, late 20s. I met him when he was working at a smoothie shop, but now he's back in school. He got a full ride to grad school, so yeah, he's super smart, studying art history."

"Oh, wow." Benny nodded. "Pretty different than hockey."

"Yeah, for sure, but he's super fit, too. Smaller than us, but a lot of muscle definition. He's not a total bookworm, definitely has some gym rat in there too."

"Hmm, good for you, man. So what's got him in the hospital now?"

"Meningitis. They think he caught it on campus. It's pretty dangerous, so they're treating it aggressively, and he's all the way out of it."

"Damn," Benny said, frowning. "A kid I was in college with came down with that, and he never actually made it back to school. I'm sure it'll go way better for your Kip though."

"Fuck, I hope so. He got treatment pretty quickly, so that should help, but I'm still worried."

"Of course, yeah. What can I do to help?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, I'm down for whatever. SIgn me up," Vaughny added.

"I don't think there's anything you guys need to do, but I guess if I text you or something, at least you'll know what's going on. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support and understanding."

"Duh." Vaughny shook his head. "You should know you're not friends with a couple of neanderthal homophobes."

"Yeah, I was pretty sure you wouldn't be that. Still, it's tough to trust anybody after coming up in hockey knowing I was gay, and hearing all the usual bullshit in the rooms."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, man. You deserved better."

"We all do," Benny agreed. "But the Admirals room isn't like that, is it?"

"No. I might tell all the guys eventually, but I'm not there yet. I hope you can respect that."

"Dude, of course. I'm not going to run around spreading your business. But if you want to make that announcement, I will knock some fucking heads if some morons don't respect you for it." Vaughny held a fist up, looking ready to go.

"Thank you. I hope it doesn't come to that. I'm going to take my time, though. This right here, telling you guys and planning to tell Coach, is fucking huge for me. I never thought I'd tell anybody until after retirement, but I'm going to lose Kip again if I try to wait that long."

"Nah, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your man. That's more important at this point. Not like you're a rookie or something."

"Definitely," Benny nodded. "Thank you for including me on this. I'm even more impressed with you now, cap."

"So, what are you doing the rest of the day today? You look wrecked?"

"Thanks, Vaughny, that's nice to hear. But yeah, I'm going to head home and get some sleep before I go back to the hospital this evening to stay the night again."

"Damn. Which hospital is it?"

"Presbyterian in Brooklyn."

"Okay. Listen, you need anything while you're there, please reach out, yeah?"

"Sure, I will. Thanks, Benny. You're both really good friends, and I appreciate it a lot." Scott looked down at his empty plate versus his friends' half-full plates. Scott had always been a fast eater; he couldn't help it. "Actually guys, do you mind if I head home to sleep? I'll pay the tab on my way out."

"Don't worry about the tab, but sure go get some rest. We'll sit here and kibbitz about you after you leave." Vaughny grinned.

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Scott stood up, and his friends stood as well to give him tight hugs before he went over to the cash register to settle up. When he looked back on his way out, Scott saw that Benny had moved over to the side of the booth that Scott had vacated. With a small wave, he left the diner and decided to walk towards downtown for a while instead of calling for a car right away. The fall day was pleasant, and his body was so kinked up from the night sitting in a too-small chair that the movement felt good.

~~~

George tried to wake Kip up after the hospital breakfast was delivered, but Kip’s only response to having his name called and his shoulder gently squeezed was a negative grumble. When George tried to tempt him awake with the scent of the oatmeal, the reaction he got reminded him of baby Kip’s response to mashed peas. Other than that, Kip slept on, though even the minimal reactions made George feel a little better, that his son was still in there and not deeply unconscious.

In the late morning, he decided it was time to let his parents know about Kip being in the hospital. They both had cell phones now, finally, but his mother had the same number as their old landline house phone, the one George had memorized when he had been getting ready to start Kindergarten about 100 years ago. He didn’t even pull up her contact, just dialed the familiar number.

“Georgie?”

“Yeah, ma, when are you ever going to stop calling me that like I’m still a little boy?”

“Around when you stop thinking of Kip as your little boy, I expect.”

George groaned. “Yeah, you got me there. Speaking of Kip…”

“What’s wrong with that boy? I know something’s wrong.”

“Yeah, it is. He’s pretty sick. Laid up in the hospital. In Presbyterian.”

“Oh hell, it’s not—well, what’s he got?”

“Meningitis. Caught it on that campus, I guess. He’s got a real high fever, pretty much out of it, but they think he’ll probably be okay. He’ll be in here about a week minimum.”

“Oh boy. He’s strong, that one. I bet he’ll be fine. He better be.”

“Yes, ma, that’s what I think, too.”

“Well, I guess your pop and I better get over there so you’re not all on your own.”

“You don’t need to do that, actually. I’m not the only one staying with Kip.”

“Oh, yeah? You find yourself a lady friend finally?”

“No, ma.” George sighed. “But Kip was seeing a guy pretty seriously. They split up a while ago, but Kip asked for him, and he’s sticking around. He’s a good guy.”

“Ooooh, well. Good for our Kip! We'll still have to get there to show our faces. I’ll let you know when we’re coming. Until then, just remember to take care of yourself, too. Don’t want you ending up in a bed there next.”

“No, ma. Of course I’ll take care of myself. It’s easier with Scott helping.”

“Hmm, is this Scott handsome?”

“Not that I’m any judge, but I suspect so, yes.”

“Well, good. I’ll be thinking of Kip. Thank you for letting me know.”

George hung up, relieved to have done his duty but frustrated that his mother kept acting like finding a girlfriend should be a priority. He just wasn’t that interested, but she wouldn’t accept that truth. She’d probably be thrilled if he found some 30 year-old to have more kids with, but that sounded awful to George.

If there were to be any more kids in the family, they would have to come from Kip with the assistance of modern medicine. That would be just fine. Meanwhile, George’s brother was already a grandfather, thanks to that girl of his.

The only kid George really cared about was the grown man sleeping off his fever in the hospital bed. Kip just had to be okay, even if getting there took him a while. George and, he suspected, Scott would be there to help him as much as necessary.

Getting woken up in the wee hours by a call from Scott had scared the everloving bejesus out of George, and he was seriously hoping to avoid that happening again. He wasn’t sure he could take it.

~~~

Scott arrived back in Kip’s room feeling a lot better than when he’d left. He’d slept in his own bed and eaten dinner at his place, so he was as prepared as possible for an uncomfortable and stressful night.

“Hi, George, how’s he doing?”

“He’s holding his own, fever down a little, but still not awake yet.”

“Okay, well, that’s pretty good, I guess. Thank you. I’m good here, so you should head home and get some rest.”

“You had dinner?”

“Yeah, at home.”

“Okay, well, I appreciate your help a lot. I do have to go to work tomorrow, but I’ll come here first thing in the morning to check on him.”

“Okay, I’ll be fine here. I wish the doctor would talk to me, but I guess Kip would have to be able to approve that.”

“Yeah. I’ll see if I can help that at all.”

“Great, thanks.” Scott gave Kip’s dad a brief hug and then watched as he trudged out of the room, looking exhausted, before going over to the bed to greet Kip.

“Hi, baby. Can you hear me? How are you feeling in there today?” He squeezed Kip’s warm hand and wished for an answering squeeze, which didn’t come. “I’ll be here with you all night. I wish you would wake up so I could tell you some really exciting news, but it can wait until you’re ready to talk to me. Everything is okay. All good. I promise.”

“I know you might not be getting this right now, but I just have to tell you that this morning I came out to my two closest friends on the team. It was so scary, but they were great, so it was amazing! I walked all the way home from midtown like I was on a cloud. Amazing! I’m going to tell my coach, too. Nobody else just yet, but I need you to know that if you’ll give me another chance you won’t have to be a total secret. My friends want to meet you as soon as you’re up for it. Amazing! And obviously I’ve met your dad, and he’s great. I just want to see your eyes again and see you smile at me. Any chance you can do that?”

Scott was watching Kip’s face so closely that he saw his eyelids ever so slightly tremble, though they didn’t quite achieve escape velocity to open. “Hey, you, I saw that. You’re in there listening, aren’t you? Can you squeeze my hand?” And then it happened—a light squeeze from Kip’s hand. “Hi, baby. Thank you. You did great. In case you don’t know what’s going on right now, you got pretty sick, so you’re in the hospital. But you’re safe, and I bet you’re going to be fine. I’ll be here with you for the next long while, so there’s no rush if you want to wake up and say hi. If there’s anything you’re worried about, just don’t. Your dad or I will take care of anything that needs it. Everything is okay. We’re only worried about you because you’ve been mostly sleeping for a long time now. But it’s nothing you’ve done wrong. Nobody is mad at you, baby.”

Kip squeezed Scott’s hand again.

“That’s it. Thank you. Do you want to talk? We could do the whole one squeeze for yes, two for no thing?”

Two squeezes.

“Got it. Okay. Just rest until you feel ready to wake up. I’ll be here. Even if you can’t feel my hand, I’ll be close by. Oh, let me just tell you one other thing. Uh, I still love you. I never stopped. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I want you to know. So, now you know, I hope.”

One squeeze.

“Thank you baby. Now I’ll shut up and let you rest.”

One squeeze. Scott squeezed back but didn’t say anything else. A while later, when Scott’s legs were getting tired of standing, and there had been no further signs of waking from Kip, Scott gave in and sat down. When his phone buzzed with a text, he looked and saw it came from Benny.

Benny: You at home or the hospital?
Scott: Hospital. I’ll be here all night at least and probably a lot of tomorrow
Vaughn: Fuck, that sucks. Both of us want to come by and check on you. How about tomorrow morning? We’ll bring breakfast sandwiches and coffee?
Scott: That would be great if you want to do that. We’re at Presbyterian in Brooklyn, room 821.
Benny: See you tomorrow.

Scott smiled as he put his phone back in his pocket. He had known that his friends were good guys, but it was really nice to feel that in action and directed toward himself. He stood and checked to see that Kip was still sleeping peacefully then walked around the room a little and did some stretches and bodyweight squats to keep his body from getting completely stiff and sore.

When he was starting to drop off to sleep even in the hard, plastic chair, Scott turned down the lights in the room, told Kip good night, and did his best to get comfortable in the recliner. If he could just deduct six inches from both his shoulder width and his height, he thought it would feel a lot better. As it was, he knew he’d wake up feeling like hell, but it was worth it to be there for Kip. Worth it to maybe become part of Kip’s family.

“S-scott? Um. Scott? Hi?”

His name, spoken slowly and somewhat haltingly, was much nicer to wake up to than the sounds Kip had made during his seizure the previous morning. Scott slowly surfaced, rolled his tense shoulders, then stood and went over to the bed, where he saw Kip blinking at him with some degree of clarity in his pretty, dark eyes. “Hi there, baby. Good morning,” Scott said, knowing he was grinning like a fool.

“Morning,” Kip said. “You okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I’m just fine. I’m not the one who had a potentially life-threatening brain infection. Speaking of which, how are you feeling?”

“Brain? Is something wrong with my brain?” Kip sounded like he was starting to panic, so Scott put a hand on his chest and rubbed lightly.

“I think you’re doing a lot better now, but you were pretty sick for a couple of days. High fever.”

“Huh. I feel like I worked out really damn hard.” Kip shifted on the bed, looking uncomfortable.

“That’s probably from the seizures, baby. I’m going to call the nurse so maybe they can get you something to help.”

“Wait. Was my dad here? Is he okay?”

“He was here a lot, but he went home to sleep. He’s fine other than worried about you.”

“Oh. But I’m fine.”

“I’m glad you feel that way now, but you weren’t fine for a while, okay?”

“Hmm, can you call him for me?”

“It’s the middle of the night right now.”

“Yeah, but he would want me to call anyway. I’m sure of it.”

“Okay, yeah.” Scott called George from his phone but then handed it to Kip as soon as it started ringing.

“Hi dad.” Kip gave a small smile that quickly turned into a frown. “I’m okay. I’m awake, well, obviously. I swear! You want to talk to Scott instead of me?”

Kip exhaled through his nose and sent Scott an annoyed look then tapped at the phone to change the voice call to FaceTime. Scott moved around to get himself a little bit inside the frame. “Good morning,” Scott said to George.

“Yeah, much better than yesterday, huh?”

“Definitely. But yeah, he woke up and wanted to call you right away.”

“Well, I’m glad. Thanks, kid. I’m sure glad to hear your voice.”

“Sorry, dad. But, um, no offense, Scott, but what is Scott doing here?”

“You asked for him.”

“I—I did?”

“Yeah. You were real sick, and I guess you were scared or whatever, and you asked for Scott. So I got him for you.”

“Wow. Well, thanks, both of you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Kid. Just try to rest to make sure you don’t get worse again, huh?”

“Okay, yeah, I’m pretty tired.”

“All right then. I’ll be there in an hour or two for a quick visit before work. Love you, Kip.”

George ended the call, and Kip handed the phone back to Scott. “Wow, this is pretty crazy. How did my dad even get you here?”

“Yeah, I can only imagine it’s all really confusing for you. Sorry about that. Anyway, your dad tried to call me on your phone, but I was in a game so I didn’t have my phone on. I guess he realized I was in a game, and he showed up right after and got a security guard to come grab me from the locker room.”

“Wait, what? My dad did that? And you actually came?”

“He did. And of course I did. You won’t believe the rumor your dad inspired though.”

“I guess it wasn’t about him being the father of your homosexual ex-lover?”

“Ah, no. More like they thought he was the father of a girl I got pregnant. Ew.”

Kip started laughing—loud, helpless laughter, until he stopped, frowning, and put a hand on his side. “Damn, I’m too sore to laugh like that.”

“Sorry, baby.”

“None of what you said explains why you came here, why you’re still here, or why you’re calling me baby.”

“The answer to that is simple. I still love you, never stopped. But if it bothers you for me to be here, I can leave once your dad gets here. I promised him I would stay, but I don’t want to force my presence on you. Ever.”

“No,no, please. I’m really glad you’re here, actually. Really glad. Because I am pretty freaked out, and you feel like a very safe person for me.”

“That’s nice to hear. Thank you. Now, I really should call the nurse.” Scott reached over Kip to hit the nurse call button. “Kip woke up but he’s in some pain,” he said to the intercom.

“Okay. But, um, what happened yesterday morning?”

“You woke up at about 4 am having a seizure. A pretty scary one. So I called your dad and scared the hell out of him in turn.”

“Wow. I don’t remember that at all.”

“I’m glad about that. It didn’t seem like you were having a good time.”

“Oh. Weird.”

The nurse walked in then, smiling at Kip. “Mr. Grady! Good to see you awake and aware!”

“Yeah, good to be awake and aware, I guess. Thanks! You can call me Kip though.”

“Before anything else, now that you’re awake, Kip, can you confirm if you’d like to continue to have this gentleman here?” She gestured at Scott.

“Yes, please. I’d like for him to stay.”

“Great! Now, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty sore all over. Like I worked out way too much, you know? And I feel generally kind of blah, like I have a little fever maybe.”

“Okay, mind if I check your vitals?”

“No, that’s fine.”

Scott watched as the nurse took his vitals, and he did still have a fever but nothing shocking. From the nurse’s reactions, everything else seemed at least vaguely okay. “How would you feel about some Tylenol?”

“Sure, better than nothing. Thanks.”

After the nurse left the room, Kip looked at Scott and gestured for him to come closer. “I feel like I remember you saying something about coming out? Was that a fever dream or what?”

“No. I wasn’t sure if you’d remember hearing me, but I did come out to my two closest friends on the team, and I’m going to talk to my coach about it soon. Beyond those three people, I have no timeline, but it was a big deal for me.”

“Well yeah! Damn! Good for you. Seriously. Did it go okay?”

“It went great. Really great. My friends want to meet you. They’re actually coming here sometime this morning mostly to check on me but I’d like to introduce you to them if that’s okay with you. If not, no big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me!” Kip insisted. “I’m super excited about meeting your friends even if I’m sure I look like shit.”

“Eh, they’re straight so they won’t give a shit, and I still think you’re terribly handsome if that means anything.”

“Are you kidding me? It means everything. For what it’s worth, I still love you, too. I’ve been beating myself up for months over letting you go so easily.”

“That’s worth everything to me. But I couldn’t be what you needed, so it made sense for you to be done with me. That’s why I’m taking big steps now, to show you that if you give me a second chance things will be different.”

“Oh, you lovely, brave man. I would’ve been able to live with you just meeting my dad, no hockey people involvement at all.”

“Yeah? Well, I like your dad a lot, so I’m glad we got to meet though I wish it hadn’t been because of you being sick. I’m going to ask a question that’s intrusive and probably insensitive, but I feel like I should ask.”

“Uh, okay.”

“Do you wish your mom were here, too.”

“Ugh. I mean, no. I’m not dying or anything, right? And I’m not a little kid. I’m fine with you and my dad. Great, actually. Why? What were you going to do? Fly to Albuquerque and kidnap her with a private plane?”

“If I had to, I guess. I was thinking more like calling her and offering to get her a plane ticket. Commercial, thanks.”

“That’s a lot more reasonable, yeah, but also completely unnecessary. I appreciate you asking though. I do. I’m sure my dad would rather eat shit than ask that. Not that I really blame him too much.”

Scott shrugged, trying to think of what to say next, but then the doctor walked into the room. “Mr. Grady! It’s so great to see you awake. I’m Dr. Susan Johnson. I’m an infectious disease specialist and your main doctor while you’re here.”

“Nice to meet you. You can call me Kip, please.”

“Okay, Kip. Now, is this Scott who’s with you?”

“Yeah?”

“Your father called my office and asked for Scott to be allowed to get information about your health. Now that you’re with us, that matter is up to you.”

“Oh? Yes. Yes, that’s fine. Please share with Scott as long as I know first, okay? If I’m capable of knowing, of course.”

“Certainly. Now, I want to start off with going over what’s happened since you arrived here. You were brought in by an ambulance Monday evening after your father reported that you collapsed at home and then had a seizure. Do you have any history of seizures?”

“No, not at all. I’ve had a couple of injuries over the years but nothing more complicated than that.”

“What kind of injuries?”

“Oh, like a dislocated shoulder and a broken ankle. Mainly from hurting myself at the gym or running outside.”

“Okay, nothing we need to be concerned about now. Thank you. After you arrived at the ER, you were given a lumbar puncture, which helped diagnose you with bacterial meningitis, so we put you on a high dose of powerful antibiotics along with fever reducers and supportive fluids. Yesterday morning, you experienced a second seizure, and you’re now on anti-epileptic medication.”

“Wait, does that mean I have epilepsy now?”

“If and only if you continue to have seizure activity after this you could be diagnosed with epilepsy, but as of right now no. The seizures were a symptom of the meningitis infection. Given your previous good health, I didn’t believe you to be in any likely danger of dying from the meningitis, but I’ve been concerned about the possibility of permanent after-effects.”

“Um. Like what?” Kip sounded scared, so Scott couldn’t resist taking his hand to remind him he wasn’t going to be alone no matter what. Kip squeezed Scott’s hand back.
"Two of the biggest concerns are losing sight or hearing, or limb loss in particularly severe cases and you clearly seem to have escaped all of that. So, congratulations. The other possible issues are mostly more subtle--difficulty concentrating or other cognitive difficulties, behavioral or emotional changes, and as we've discussed epilepsy."

"Wow, I don't--I don't want any of that. I'm a graduate student. I can't have cognitive difficulties or behavioral or emotional problems. Fuck. Sorry."

"No need to apologize. I understand that it's a lot."

"It sounds almost like a concussion," Scott said, thinking it sounded very familiar.

"Well, yes, in ways. A concussion is considered a traumatic brain injury, while meningitis is an acquired brain injury. Do you have experience with concussions?"

"I'm a hockey player."

"Ah. Well, Kip, now that you're awake I'll be referring you to a neurologist who will provide most of your care going forward, since you seem to be past the worst part of the infection.You can expect to remain here in the hospital for another few days or so."

"Oh man, I feel like I would be fine at home."

"I'm sorry, I cannot responsibly discharge you this soon. Unless you choose to leave against medical advice, which I do not recommend, I'm afraid you're stuck with us a little longer. But now that you're awake you can place an order for what meals you prefer, and you can have somebody stay the night here with you."

"In that chair?" Kip pointed at the recliner.

"Yes."

"Would you please look at this man and then look at that chair? Do they go together?"

"Ouch, no. I'm sorry, I don't have anything better to offer for that."

"It's fine," Scott said. "I don't mind."

"Right," Kip grumbled.

"Okay, well, I hope to be able to get a neurologist to come visit you today so they can get started with testing to see where you are right now and what assistance, if any, you may need. Do either of you have any questions for me?"

"Is there anything I can or should be doing to help?" Scott asked.

"I think you're doing it. At this point, the best thing that friends and family can offer is emotional support. We've got lots of staff here to handle physical needs. Kip, any questions?"

"Can I get something other than Tylenol for the soreness that's from the seizures I guess? I'm not asking for heavy stuff; even just some Advil would be way better, I think.

"Sure, I can prescribe something in the same class as Advil for short-term use. We can start that after breakfast today. Please do try to eat your meals if you can. Your body needs the strength to recover."

"Does he have any food restrictions or can I bring food in for Kip?"

"No particular restrictions unless you had them before getting ill, Kip. Otherwise, I recommend trying to focus on good nutrition: vitamins, omega-3 fats, antioxidants. I'm sure you know about nutrition as an athlete."

"Yeah, I can do that. No problem."

"You don't have to," Kip said.

The doctor smiled. "You've been through a lot, Kip. You may as well rest, focus on recovery, and let this guy help you out if he's offering. I will be keeping track of your progress, but if we don't speak again I want to wish you all the best. The fact that you came into this as a strong, healthy man really helped you come through this as well as you have. I've certainly seen much worse. Just continue to take care of yourself, and I think you can have a good recovery. If you have any questions for me later, just let your nurse know. Have a good day, gentlemen!"

The doctor left, and Kip just sat there looking stiff and scared. "Hey," Scott said, "even if you have some negative effects down the road, that's not exactly a death sentence. There are all kinds of therapies to try."

"Yeah, uh, and they take money as well as time away from work and school."

"If you let me help you, I will make sure that you get whatever it is you need to be at your best."

"I don't want charity."

"I'm not offering charity. You're not some random person to me; you're the man I love. You might have noticed that I don't really have casual relationships. I've gone literally multiple years in a row without dating or sleeping with anyone, by choice. I can deal with being alone. I cannot deal with having people flit in and out of my life. It's hard enough when guys join the team and then get traded after I form a connection with them. With somebody I let into my heart and into my body? No, that's not for me. My best friends are guys I've been on the team with for several years. I see them most days, work with them, travel with them, suffer and celebrate with them. I have gone to bat for both of them, doing what needed to be done to keep them from being traded away. I didn't do that for the good of the team, even though they're great players. I did it for myself, selfishly, because they mean a lot to me, and I want them to be in my life the way they are now.

"I'm not offering you help because I think you can't get by without it. I'm very sure that you could. I'm offering you help because I want us to be together for real long-term, and the better life is for you, the better it will be for me. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does. Thank you. Sorry for being a bitch about it. I want us to be together for real, too. I mean, right now, I think we are. A guy who's been here for me and for my dad the way you have? That's my boyfriend. Right?"

Scott's chest ached with happiness from hearing that word. "Yes, baby. Your boyfriend. Thank you."

Kip smiled sweetly, and Scott cupped a hand around the back of Kip's neck and bent down to kiss him. "Mmmmm wait," Kip said as he turned his head away. "Sorry, my mouth tastes super gross. Do you know if I have any toiletries here? I'd for real love to brush my teeth." He groped around and hit the button for the nurse. "Can I get out of this bed for a minute, please?" He said to the intercom.

When the nurse came in, Kip smiled at her. "Hi, I'm so sory to bother you, but I'd really like to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. Any way I can borrow a toothbrush?"

"Sure. In fact, you can have one to keep. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, Kip looked fairly steady on his feet, especially for a guy who'd been in bed for days and still had a fever. Scott's phone buzzed with a text.

Benny: We're at the hospital. Is now an okay time to come up?
Scott: Sure. Thank you.

When Kip was back in the bed and hooked up to the IV again, Scott helped get the blankets situated over him. "Hey, um, my friends are here. I can meet then out in the hallway if you don't want to see them today. No stress."

"No, it's okay. I tried to fix my hair a little, and I don't think I look too awful for being in the hospital and all."

"You don't look awful at all."

"Yeah, you're not a reliable narrator when it comes to that subject, I think. But thank you. I would love to meet your friends. And I think, um--" Kip tilted his head back, gave Scott a small smile and raised his eyebrows. Oh.

Scott tried the kiss again, and this time Kip's lips opened to him, and the only sound from Kip was a happy little moan. Scott leaned over him, resting more of his weight against the bed as they continued to kiss until Scott heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Benny standing there looking sheepish.

"Hey, uh, guess you weren't messing with us, Scott."

"Nope. I wouldn't do that."

Vaughny came in from behind Benny then. "Hey, Cap! Wow, sorry if we interrupted something."

"No worries, man. I see you came bearing gifts."

"Yeah, man." Vaughy held up the paper cup of coffee and the fast food bag.

"And something for your guy, too," Benny said, fully entering the room with a balloon arrangement in hand.

"Oh, wow," Kip said. "That's so nice!"

"Hey," Benny said,"You're not going to find a hockey player who hasn't been laid up at some point. Everybody knows how dismal these rooms are. I see Scott got you some serious flowers, but balloons are always nice, I think. By the way," Benny held his hand out to Kip."Hi, I'm Eric."

Kip shook Benny's hand. "Hi! I'm Kip. It's so nice to meet you. You're an amazing goalie. Not that I'm any hockey expert, but as a casual fan that's my opinion."

"Hey, thanks! So, you're a grad student, right? What are you studying?"

"Yeah. Uh, art history."

"Wow, that's very cool. I studied English back in college, but I love art, especially photography."

"Yeah? That's great. Where did you go to college?"

"This is a little weird for a hockey player, but Harvard. Graduated a long ass time ago."

"Damn! Good for you."

"Yeah, I'm hoping it'll be useful for me once I retire from the game. Which is going to be damn soon."

"Well, if you're interested in transitioning into doing any graduate work, let me know, and I would be happy to help with the process."

"Huh. I hadn't considered that. But thanks, Kip. How are you feeling, anyway?"

"A lot better, I think. I guess I don't remember the worst of being sick. I remember coming home from campus and wanting to fall asleep on the subway, and then I was here feeling vaguely sick and wrung-out. And Scott was here, which is amazing. Scott is amazing."

"Yeah, he is!" Vaughny said, stepping closer to the side of the bed. "Hi, by the way. I'm Carter."

"Kip. Hi." Kip shook hands with Carter, smiling. Vaughny's smiles were so infectious that it was difficult to not return them most of the time. "Nice to met you, Carter. Thanks for taking care of Scott."

Vaughny shrugged. "Hey, he's our captain. And my friend. That's how we do."

"That's great. I've never been a team sports guy, so I guess I just don't know how it works."

"Hello? Kip?"

Scott looked up to see George walking into the room, looking around at the unexpected crowd in the room and then clearly clocking who exactly was in the room with them. "Whoa. Wow. Hi."

"Hi," Scott said. "George, I'd like you to meet my friends, Eric Bennett and Carter Vaughn. Guys, this is George Grady, Kip's dad."

Both of them waved at George, who still looked shocked.

Vaughny was still busy with Kip. "Well, you look like you could've been an athlete. I mean, that's pretty impressive if you got a build like yours without a coach riding your ass. Wait. Wait, is that homophobic? Crap, guys, I swear I didn't mean it that way."

"It's okay, seriously." Kip laughed. "Don't worry so much. I don't think either of us is so easily offended as that, and I'm well aware that you're not an undergrad for me to lecture." Kip's voice trailed off a little as he spoke.

"You okay there?" Carter asked. Suddenly worried, Scott looked over and saw Kip nod his head, though his eyes were closed, his face somewhat lax.

"What?" Scott asked, and put his hand on Kip's forearm. "Hey, baby, can you open your eyes for me?"

Kip's eyes opened slowly, with what looked like a lot of effort. "Mmmokay, swear. Just tired, sorry."

"It's okay. Sorry, you just kind of freaked me out the last couple days. It's okay to rest if that's what you need to do." Scott rubbed his hand up and down Kip's arm a couple of times before pulling away.

"Hey, Vaughny, we better scram," Benny said. "Scott, will we see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Not sure about the whole practice yet, but I have a meeting scheduled with coach, so I'll definitely show for that."

"Yeah? If you feel like you want backup with you in that meeting, just let me know," Eric said.

"Nah, I think it'll be just fine. But thank you. That means a lot. All of this right here means a lot, you guys. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, cool. Bye, Cap. Nice to meet you, Kip and Mr. Grady." Vaughny waved, and Kip lifted his hand for a tiny wave, though his eyes were still closed.

"Well," George said, "I sure wasn't expecting that this morning."

"They wanted to meet Kip and also check on me and bring me breakfast."

"That was nice of them. I know it's asking a lot, but would you be able to be here for a while today? I understand you have practice tomorrow, so I'll be working it out today to get tomorrow off, and I'll come here after work today and stay the night."

"Guys?" Kip said. "Hello? Dad? Scott?"

Scott turned to see Kip sitting up straighter, his eyes open again. "Yeah, baby?"

"You two do know that I'm actually a grown man, right? That I would be just fine and dandy here in a building full of medical professionals even if neither of you were here? I mean, I do appreciate you guys taking the time to be here with me, but it's not necessary."

Scott couldn't resist letting out a heavy sigh and putting his hands on his hips. "I'm staying unless you literally kick me out, and if you do that it's really gonna hurt my feelings, you know?"

"Maybe it hurts my feelings to be treated like an idiot child. I know my brain might turn out to be defective now, but you don't have to act like that's the case when we don't even know yet."
"Kip, hey, I don't think you're an idiot or defective or any of that. I just--I've been really worried, and I feel better knowing that somebody who personally cares about you is here with you to keep an eye out for problems. I imagine Scott feels similarly."

"Yeah, I do. Very much so. The last word I would ever think to use for you is defective. You're perfect, as far as I'm concerned."

Kip scoffed. "Yeah, tell that to my acquired brain injury."

"Wait, what is this?" George asked, sounding alarmed.

"Sorry, dad, just something the doctor said this morning. I guess that's the medical term for when an illness hurts your brain as opposed to an injury. Supposedly, a neurologist should come see me today, and we can start figuring out how many brain cells got killed by the fever. Though at least I can still see and hear, and I have all my original limbs."

"Thank goodness for that!" George looked stunned.

"Uh, yeah. So, I'll be fine here, dad. I hope you have an easy day at work."

"Thanks. I can go by the house after work if there's anything you need from there. Just send me a text if you do?"

"Okay. Thanks, dad."

"No problem. You rest, and I'll see you later. Scott, thanks a lot."

"Not a problem at all." Scott wanted to say "my pleasure," but he worried that might sound creepy to his boyfriend's dad. After George had left, Scott leaned against the side of the bed and looked at Kip, just enjoying being close to him after so long apart.

"What?" Kip asked.

"Just feeling like a man who was in the desert and now has water to drink."

"Yeah? I get that. It's so good to have you here with me. Sorry if I'm an asshole sometimes."

"No, you're good. It's okay if you're a little bit cranky when you don't feel well. That's just human, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess. Not everybody feels that way, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Eh, well, I've never gotten sick much, so I guess I'm just not practiced at handling it gracefully. I got a bad cold or something when I was in undergrad, and the guy I was seeing then got really like hurt feelings over me not being properly grateful for his ministrations or whatever. It was the beginning of the end for us, though of course neither of us knew that at the time. If he wanted a boyfriend who would be sweet and happy about being taken care of a little, I wasn't the right guy for him."

"Yeah, I guess. Lucky for me though because I think you are the right guy for me. I don't care if you're a little but moody while you're sick. I just want you to get well again."

"Hmm, I feel like I need a little extra encouragement for my immune system. Once I'm better and out of the hospital, can I fuck you again sometime?"

That hit Scott right in the gut in the best possible way. "Oh, yes. Yes, please. My bed misses you. It wants to be your bed, just like I want to be your boyfriend."

"Mmmm, yeah? It's a pretty nice bed. A lot better than this thing." Kip looked at the hospital bed disdainfully.

"Uh-huh. When you're ready to go back to work and classes at the university, I would love it if you stayed with me to give yourself a shorter commute and to give us more time together."

"Wow, that's incredibly tempting. I don't want to rush into it, though. And I also don't want to completely abandon my dad right now. If I do come to stay with you during the week, I think I'll spend my weekends in Brooklyn. Would that be okay with you?"

"Of course. I like your dad, but more than that I just want you to do what's right for you."

"And for us."

"Yes, us." Scott felt a thrill at that word. It felt like it had been an extremely long time since Scott had been reliably part of an "us" in his personal life.

"You know you have a devastatingly handsome smile?" Kip asked, and Scott could feel the hot blush that bloomed across his face. "To go with your completely impeccable body?"

"Have you seen yourself?" Scott asked. "And did you hear Vaughny? I think straight boy is hot for you."

Kip laughed until he had to wipe his eyes, and then couldn't seem to open them again. "Heeey, can you make the bed flatter for me?"

"Sure thing. Get some rest, baby." Scott pulled the blankets up higher, and Kip snuggled into them. Scott really couldn't wait to get Kip home to his big, comfortable bed with its warm, plush blankets.

Later, Scott was asked to step out while the neurologist spent some time with Kip, so he took a walk around the outside of the hospital then picked up a sandwich for himself for lunch and a coffee for Kip, who had been complaining about the lack of caffeine in his life, before going back upstairs. The doctor was still there when Scott got back to Kip's room. "Oh, sorry," he said, "Should I go for another walk?"

"No, it's fine. We're just talking," the doctor said.

"Is everything okay?"

"You can tell him whatever," Kip said to the doctor. "He's my boyfriend."

"Sure, great," the man said. He held a hand out to shake with Scott. "Hi, I'm Dr. Nguyen, and I'm the neurologist who'll be working with Kip while he's here in the hospital. I looked at his scans and don't see any major signs of injury, and from the tests we've done today I'm not seeing signs of gross deficits. We'll be working together more though because more subtle issues could still turn up."

"The other doctor said it could be somewhat like after a concussion."

"Yes, that's true. Are you familiar with concussions?"

"I'm a hockey player."

"Oh, I see. So, you might understand that sometimes it's necessary to be patient with yourself after an injury to the brain?"

"Right."

"Good, so you should be in a good position to help Kip learn that patience and also to help keep an eye out for emotional issues such as depression. Okay, Kip, do you have any other questions for me today?"

"When can I go home?"

"Right now, that's mostly on your infectious diseases doctor. I suspect she's going to want to see your temperature completely normal for a couple of days among other things, and you're not there yet. Once you're discharged, you will need to follow up with me or another neurologist to continue to monitor your recovery, but we'll get you all set up with that."

"Okay, thanks. I just really cannot have any cognitive difficulties."

"I get that. I do. The good thing for you is that because you are an intelligent person you're actually in a better position to cope with any challenges. I think you'll be back in your program soon and doing just fine there. If you need any accommodations, I can help you with that. Try not to worry too much at this point, please. Okay, for now, you should focus on resting so you can recover and get home as soon as possible. If you notice any issues, just make a note of them so we can discuss them the next time I'm here. It was great to meet both of you. Kip, I'll see you tomorrow."

Dr. Nguyen left the room,and Kip picked up the cup of coffee, closing his eyes as he drank deeply. "Mmm, thanks," he said with a small smile after he put the cup down. "Wow, I can't believe have a freaking neurologist now. What the hell?"

"Yeah, I get that, but I'm glad you're getting the care you need."

Kip shook his head. "I'm glad I signed up for insurance. Damn. I just really cannot have my brain be messed up now. It's all I really have going for me."

Scott couldn't quite hold back a snort at that. "Yeah, not even close, baby. Not even close."

"Well, it's the best thing I have going for me."

"Kip, I'm not going to argue about which of your qualities is best, but the idea that you don't have anything else going on other than your intellect is patently ridiculous. You are a strong, fit man who could easily be qualified for a physical job. You are devastatingly handsome. You are kind and loving and brave."

"Brave? Not hardly. I'm pretty freaked out right now."

"Yeah, well, that totally makes sense. It's not like you have any experience being in this kind of situation, huh?"

"No, not at all. I don't think I ever had an illness more complicated than strep throat before this. My throat hurt pretty bad, but the antibiotics knocked it out, and I was right back to normal. Missed a day or two of school, went to the pediatrician, that's it. Now it's like I'm in the hospital, and I have a fucking neurologist, and I might not be the same, and I just don't know how to deal with that."

Scott let his head hang forward for a moment then nodded. "I can kind of get that." He stood right next to Kip's bed and put an arm around his shoulders, leaning his weight in a little. "I know it's not the same thing, but the first injury I had that wasn't a situation of just patching it up and pushing through--when the talk was all about surgery and rehabbing it and hoping it would be strong enough on the other side of all that. It was hard, not knowing if I'd be able to play again. And some of it, even putting aside playing professional sports, can impact a guy's mobility for just regular life, and nobody wants that."

"No. And yeah, I get that. I can see how it would be really hard.I'm glad you apparently came through that injury okay."

"Yeah, that one and a few after it. I hope I can find the right time to step away on my own before my feet really get swept out from under me hard enough that I can't get back up."

"Ugh." Kip shuddered and leaned into Scott's bulk. "No, please. No, thank you. None of that."

"Yeah, so what I'm going to recommend that you do while you try to figure out what exactly is going on with you and how you're going to deal with it, is turn to your team. So me, your dad, Maria, Elena, your other friends who I do want to meet one of these days."

Kip smiled particularly sweetly at that and then looked down at his lap. "That would be amazing. I know this would be a super big step for you, and I understand if you can't, but I would so love for you to come to the Kingfisher some time. It won't be anything wild, I promise, just regular people hanging out in bar. Maybe invite Eric if you want another friend along."

"Benny? Why him?"

"Oh, I don't know." Kip grinned playfully. "If that man is strictly heterosexual, I would be shocked. Shocked and startled and a little bit disappointed. You never got that feeling from him?"

"Never, but I think I pretty much shut down my gaydar when I was a teen panicking over how to be gay in hockey. I did my best to slam the door shut on that whole part of myself. Not that it worked, but I guess when I was supposed to be developing my gaydar I was developing my slapshot instead and trying to ignore the noise from behind the closet door."

Kip sighed. "That had to be really stifling. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. If I had come out and focused on college, I could be working some nice, safe office job upstate somewhere, but I wouldn't have this amazing life. And most importantly we would've never met.

Kip looked up at Scott with his dark, pretty eyes, and Scott couldn't resist leaning in for a kiss that started slow and soft but turned into something hungry and breathless. It was their first kiss in months, and Scott wasn't ready to let it end until he heard a throat cleared behind him. "Um, uh--" He turned around a saw a nurse leaning on the door jamb with a small smile on her face. "Hi, sorry," Scott said.

"No, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm here with morning meds. How are you feeling, Kip?"

"Uh, pretty well, I guess. I'd like to go home, but apparently I'm stuck here a little longer."

"It's great you've got your man with you then. Good for you. For real."

"Right?" Kip grinned, and Scott could watch that all day long.

~~~

When Kip was finally released, stiff and annoyed from several days in the hospital bed and clutching a thick, stapled packet of discharge instructions, Scott met him at the hospital exit with a car that took both of them to the house where George was waiting for them. Kip was expecting to get a hug from his dad once he walked back into the house, but he wasn't at all expecting his grandparents to be there, both standing behind George and smiling. Kip tried to make a point of going to visit them at least once a month, usually on a Sunday when he wasn't working, but they were normally only at the house for major holidays.

"Hey, it;s not Christmas yet, is it?" Kip asked, sincerely hoping he hadn't missed that much time."

"No, and it's a good thing. I still have plenty of shopping to do," Grandma said, shaking her head.

"We just wanted to come see our boy," Grandpop said as he sat down on the couch. "Is that all right?"

"Of course! Thank you. It's great to see you both."

"Well, it's good to see you up and about. You scared your dad, you know?"

Kip knew his grandmother wasn't trying to make him feel guilty, but he did. He was almost 30; his dad shouldn't have to worry about him anymore. Kip just nodded slowly.

"Anyway, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Scott." Kip put his hand low on Scott's broad back and was glad to have him present at his side.

"Well, Scott," Grandma said, looking up and then up further to see Scott's handsome face, which she smiled at. "It's lovely to meet you."

"Yes, you as well ma'am," Scott said, all awkward politeness as he took Grandma's small, frail hand in his large, strong one.

Kip left Scott to visit with his family while he disappeared upstairs to take a decent shower finally to get rid of the feeling and smell of the hospital. Everyone there had been very kind to him, but it just felt so deeply wrong to need to be taken care of that way, to have people paying attention to him like that, to have anything physically wrong that was more serious than a cold or a sprained wrist. It was Friday, and he had two and a half days to relax until he needed to show up on campus for a meeting to discuss his plan for getting back on track. He'd been in communication with the dean and with his faculty advisor, and they had wished him well, but Kip still felt like he was in trouble, like his academic career was about to fizzle out when it was only barely started.

When Kip was showered and shaved and dressed in a clean set of sweats, he went back downstairs and felt Scott's gaze on him from the moment he reached the foot of the stairs. Kip found out that a huge order of Chinese food was on the way for everybody for dinner, courtesy of Scott, and that all of his own favorite dishes had been included. Kip wasn't normally focused on being the world's healthiest eater, other than making a point of getting plenty of protein, but he hadn't had a vegetable in days other than soggy green beans, so a plate of beef and broccoli sounded pretty great.

Siting at the dinner table with his dad, his grandparents and Scott felt deeply surreal, as if all of these people weren't intended to exist in the same space, and the fact that they were was breaking some kind of unspoken rule of physics. It was wonderful, though, being able to look up from his food and smile at all of these people he loved, all at once. He thought that if his mom had been there too that would have fully broken his ability to accept the moment as reality. He hadn't seen his parents in the same room since he was 18 years old, almost 19. In the ten years that had passed since then, he'd seen his mom all of four times, all of them requiring Kip to get on a plane cross-country. If he'd waken to find his mother in his hospital room, Kip would've assumed he was dying, for sure.

Mom and her wife Susie had a booming real estate business in Santa Fe, and they were both working hard towards a planned early retirement, at which point they would probably end up spending most of the year on Olivia cruises or something based on how they had spent the very few breaks that Kip was aware of them taking from work. That his mom might be queer wasn't something kip had even remotely considered when he'd come out to his parents, but her coming out had definitely contributed to the breakdown of compulsory heterosexuality's grasp on Kip's mind. He was glad for her happiness but regretted that it came at the price of his father's loneliness. In any case, he thought it would be fun to take Scott with him the next time he visited New Mexico and finally have his own partner rather than being the third wheel as always.

At the end of the evening, when Scott walked out to the street and got into a car, something very small inside of Kip felt abandoned, which was patently ridiculous given that Scott had asked Kip to come stay with him and clearly wanted to make that happen soon.

Riding the train into Manhattan to go to campus on Monday felt very normal and strange all at the same time, as it was difficult for Kip to believe that it had really been almost two weeks since his last day on campus, that he'd ridden home that day with a serious infection brewing in his nervous system. He knew that there were disability service he could access on campus if he needed them, but he definitely didn't want to need them. He wasn't sure if he could actually deal with that, and he didn't want to find out.

At the end of the day, instead of getting on the downtown train headed back to Brooklyn, Kip walked to Scott's building and leaned against the outside wall as he texted Scott.

Kip: Hi! You home?
Scott: Yes, short practice today. You need me?
Kip: Always, baby. I'm out front of your building. You want to order dinner in?
Scott: Definitely. You okay?
Kip: Yeah it was a good day. Will you tell them to let me in?
Scott: Give me five

Kip didn't know why that phone call would take five minutes, but he figured he could be patient. It was a pleasant enough late afternoon to stand outside for a while, so he just leaned his weight into the wall and breathed. He had Scott. He was healthy again. Life was fine.

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Fevered Longing

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