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Harris let himself drop beside Troy, breath halting and fast, chuckling joyfully while catching his breath. Troy looked at him, the way he was laughing, cheeks all flushed, eyes sparkling with nothing but pure delight and satisfaction. He reached out a hand, pushing away a few dump locks of Harris' hair. He was so beautiful that it was hard to believe that he was real.
“Fully satisfied honey?” Troy couldn't stop smiling, he did it more often since coming to Ottawa. Especially around Harris. His fingers wandered through Harris' hair, playing with them. Harris rolled over again, his leg draped over Troy, face nestled into the crook of his neck, kissing over his pulse.
“My soul left my body, buddy. I will answer when it's back.” Harris sighed, totally blissed out, drawing little cycles on Troy's chest. Beard rubbing over heated skin. Troy pulled him closer, wrapping his arm around his soft, perfect body. He gently kissed Harris forehead and just let himself be happy for a moment.
“I hope it went up.” Troy joked, grinning lightly. He could feel Harris chuckling more than he could hear it. His mouth muffled against his neck.
There were boxes on the walls, evening light drifting through the windows, making the dust glimmer, more and more trinkets from Harris found their new home in their shared house. He could hear Chiron roam around somewhere in the house. He listened to the faint music coming from a record player as he breathed in the faint scent of apples when he pushed his nose in Harris' hair.
He was not really sure if he deserved all that but he worked really hard to earn it. Days like this felt like a dream and he was really scared to wake up. To watch Harris fade away, slipping through his fingers. Troy's arm tightened around Harris like he was scared that he would just get pulled away from him.
The original plan for the day had been to unpack some of the stuff Troy's mom had sent him and even more stuff Harris had brought with him while moving in. They unpacked generous speaking two and a half boxes before they showed each other things that only ever resurfaced when someone was moving. An old poster of a theater play Harris had a role in, a bunch of trophies from Troy when he was younger, Troy wanted to throw them out but Harris insisted on keeping them, an unholy amount of fanart Harris had about books, tv shows, musicals, movies. They started a list because Harris wanted to show all of it to Troy. Closing his cultural gaps Harris had called it.
Then Troy had pulled one of his old guitars out of the box. It was still in a very good condition, even after sending it barely wrapped up through half of Canada. His fingers wandered over the pretentious stickers on its side. A slightly faded pin up girl looked back at him. Yeah they both knew that he never really liked her. Harris had joked about Troy being the perfect tumblr sad boy.
Troy had needed a little bit of time, sitting on the ground, carefully tuning it while Harris acted like he was still unpacking and not watching him with an intense lust in his eyes. He needed a moment to get a feeling for the instrument again, moving his fingers carefully in the positions he had learned a long time ago. After a few tries it felt more natural again. Not like he could play something difficult but enough to not feel like starting from zero again.
There were only two songs he was sure he could remember completely. The very cliche Wonderwall by Oasis and Save Tonight by Eagle-Eye-Cherry. There were two wolves inside of him, then he looked at Harris. He was the only person he wanted to impress anymore and he was pretty sure that he would be stoked about any song he would play and sing. No one else would hear him anyway.
He needed two tries to get it right, then his humming fitted the melody of the guitar. Harris had stopped pretending and slowly came closer again. It was like he was trying not to scare Troy away. Harris was biting his lower lip while trying to hold in his excitement, giving his best to stay calm and quiet.
Troy had closed his eyes, when the humming turned into actual words.
Go on and close the curtains
'Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me, and a bottle of wine
To hold you tonight
His voice was gentle, wrapping around the melody. The song reminded him of all the hiding he had done before. He remembered that he had learned that song when he had fallen in love with a boy for the first time. He was so sure that he could never have what he wanted, he had fantasied about secret love, miserable and stupid. He thought for so long that being miserable was the right thing to do and for a while with Adrian it almost felt romantic. Almost.
Well we know I'm going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
And let's delay our misery
He played on, here and there with little mistakes but that was alright, there was nothing to worry about, not in this house, not with Harris as his audience. Slowly he got a grip on the song again. His voice got stronger and his guitar play got cleaner. He looked at Harris as he entered the chorus.
Save tonight and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone
Harris was looking at him, eyes big, legs crossed his pretty face probed in both his hands. His eyes sparkling with pure bliss like this was his teenage dream come true. Oh god how he wished that they had met earlier, Harris would have swooped him right off his feet, he would not have been able to resist him. Even as an adult, not controlled by a protein shake of hormones, he was barely able to contain himself. He decided to ignore the other option of meeting Harris earlier, he was allowed to be delusional sometimes.
There's a log on the fire
And it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
To take me away
He could watch Harris take a deep breath before he said something along the lines of yeah me too baby. Troy's voice broke a little because he had to grin because of Harris. He played a few tunes wrong before getting a grip again. Harris looked like he would jump him any second, that made it really hard to concentrate. He accidentally skipped the next part because Harris was on all forth, moving closer, grinning from ear to ear before shutting Troy up with a kiss. The guitar landed on the carpet while Harris sat down in his lab.
They didn't even make it to the stairs. The fuzzy apple green carpet Harris had picked for their living room was soft and comfortable enough. They had moved into the bed for round two. Funny enough Harris had dragged the guitar along when they hurried up the stairs, kissing and joking around. For a brief moment they were close to getting down on each other again, in the middle of the staircase. They were all over each other on the steps until Harris had stopped him because the edges were pressing against his back in a rather painful way. Remembering this, Troy turned his head a little, fingers wandering over Harris' soft skin, searching for bruises along his back. As far as he could tell there were no darker spots on Harris light umber skin. Harris was not fragile by any means but getting hurt because of a make out session on the stairs was still something Troy wanted to avoid as best as possible.
Harris made a malcontent little noise, turning his head until his cheek was resting on Troy's shoulder and he could look up to him. Troy looked down at him with the slightest tug of amusement on his lips, one eyebrow raised. Harris sighed theatrically but he was grinning broadly.
“We should shower right?” Harris looked like he waited for Troy to deny it, to let them just stay in their sweaty little nest, unmoving until their bodies became one. They both knew that Troy would not do such a thing but Harris tried anyway. Troy kissed his forehead, as weird as it was, he loved that he tried to stay yukky and sticky with him.
“Yeah we really should.” He said gently. None of them moved, they stayed entangled like waiting long enough would make the world just move on without them. Time frozen only for them to stay like this forever.
“Kindness suggestion, I shower first, you can roll around in the bed a little more, tell all the details to Mr. Neck-Neck and when I am done I make the bed, you shower and then we meet in the kitchen for hydration and a after-sex-snack?” Troy looked down at Harris, watching his face lit up with delight.
“What snack?” Harris asked like it was even a question at this point. It started a while ago. They were at Monks, got home, barely made it to the couch before crashing into each other and then Harris had craved Poutine so that became their go to. Sharing a big bowl of the greasy treat. It was one of the things Troy was sure he didn't really like but boy oh boy was he wrong. After sex, shared with Harris, cuddled up on the couch or standing on the kitchen counter it was heaven on earth.
Troy answered only with a small wiggle of his eyebrows before adding. “I also think we have ice cream left.” Harris kissed him with a longing spark in his dark eyes and sighed happily in the kiss.
“I love you so much, buddy.” Then he made room for Troy to actually get up. Troy rolled his eyes.
“I love you too, honey.” For a short moment he had thought about starting the little joke they had copied from South Park of all things but decided to just let it be this time. It was a playful back and forth between them with no clear end to it until one of them was laughing so hard they had to stop or they started kissing.
Distantly Troy could hear Harris humming in the bedroom before getting in the shower. He cleaned up and walked himself through his skincare routine. Slowly but steady he saw a man he kind of liked when he looked in the mirror. He was not quite there yet but he could look himself in the eyes and feel something else then guilt or shame.
He was still naked when he walked into the bedroom again. Harris was laying on his back,, Mr. Neck-Neck probed in his chest, turning the head of the stuffed giraffe to face Troy.
“Yeah, that's him. Do you get what I mean?” Harris whispered to the plushy, making it nod. Troy laughed and shook his head.
“You're so weird sometimes you know that?” He walked up to the closet pulling out sweatpants and looking for new bed sheets. Harris laughed behind him, loud and happy before he got up. Stretching himself while walking in the direction of the bathroom, in the soft afternoon light his skin had a copper undertone. He could hear Harris sing Save Tonight while he took his shower, off-key and not really in the right rhythm of the song but with a joy that was infectious.
Troy changed the sheets of the bed before he walked down to the kitchen taking the fries out the freezer and preheating the oven. He let Chiron in the garden before getting back up again, sitting on the bed and waiting for Harris to come back to him.
He looked at Mr. Neck-Neck laying there and grinned. “Could you believe that he is also in love with me? That's insane right?” Neck-Neck stayed quiet while Troy grinned from ear to ear when Harris walked out of the bathroom in boxer shorts and one of Troy's shirts.
“I see, you're also sharing your secrets with him?”
“Since meeting him honey. We are conspiring against you.” Troy teased him. Harris sat down beside him, towel around his neck, smile wide and toothy. For a moment they just leaned against each other, feeling warm and soft together.
Troy went actually back to unpacking a few things while Harris had moved to the kitchen to prepare everything for their snack. Troy was wearing headphones listening to old songs he started to remember he had listened to when he was younger. Booping his head and noting down a few of them he wanted to learn or relearn on the guitar.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, trying a few things, the boxes, again, abounded. He was surprised how fast his fingers remembered what to do when he was not thinking too hard about it. He was not really playing a full song or something but it felt really good to just get used to it again.
He sucked on his bottom lip for a moment, thinking about the way Harris had looked at him when he had played for him, he felt a little tug in his lower body. Well if he was fast enough he could do something unhinged that Harris would love before the fries were covered in gravy.
He left the sweatpants behind, holding only the guitar, avoided mirrors like they would curse him and gently started playing again. Casually talking with Harris as he walked down the stairs.
“I think I'm slowly getting a grip again.” He could hear the slight shuffling around in the kitchen. He hummed along with the melody of the guitar. He was trying to concentrate not too hard just letting muscle memory take over. The guitar rested against his hip, the warm wood pressed against his skin and his fingers started to hurt a little from the unfamiliar motion. He was grinning to himself because this was one of the stupidest ideas he ever had but he felt weirdly hot right now. He could imagine Harris' reaction in detail, turning towards him, freezing for a second, taking it all in before melting into an unfiltered, hungry and adoring smile. He would walk up to him and the fries would have to be reheated.
“Yeah, it sounds like it buddy.” Harris called back from the kitchen. “You're getting better by the minute.”
Troy rounded the corner to the dining room, grinning to himself. Still playing, still looking down at the strings and his fingers. “I can show you something I’m really…” A loud crash made Troy look up, he was standing face to face with Shane Hollander carrying a salad bowl. Well he had carried the bowl and had dropped it after seeing Troy.
They stared at each other with big eyes, none of them speaking. Troy felt all the colour leaving his body at once. He could watch Shane changing colors. White, red and white again. He suddenly felt cold, this was a level of embarrassment that took away all the heat in his body. For a moment he was sure he had just died.
Harris and Ilya came running into the dining room, watching Troy and Shane frozen in place, salad all over the floor. He could hear the helpless yelp of Harris at the same time Ilya huffed something in Russian.
The room went absolutely silent afterwards.
Slowly a slice of cucumber slid off the broken piece of salad bowl Shane was holding in his hand. With a wet plop it landed on the wooden floor.
Shane was still starring.
Troy was still very, very naked.
Harris had his hands over his mouth, making a small strangled noise while Rozanov was speechless for the first time ever. Visibly trying to get a grip on language again.
“Mhh…maybe we should clean up the shards…” Harris said with a very pressed voice that was something between laughter and panic. “I… I think if someone gets hurt… this would be a bigger problem… than whatever… this is.” Harris was talking very, very carefully, waiting for words to become easy again and not get stuck in his throat. Troy was still holding Shane Hollander's gaze, breathing carefully like a too deep breath would shatter not only the salad bowl but reality as a whole.
“Whatever this is…?” Troy couldn't believe his ears. Harris calling the most embarrassing thing ever happened to, well surely anyone on earth, first of all a smaller issue than broken glass and second WHATEVER THIS IS was the understatement of the fucking century.
“You are aware that I am naked in front of my captain and his husband because I tried to seduce my boyfriend with a guitar….” Troy stated dry. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the slight tension in Harris' body while he fought tooth and nail not to laugh, nodding. “And you still called it whatever this is?” Troy's voice sounded toneless and uptight. His eyes started to sting because he and Shane hadn't blinked even once since they landed in this very uncomfortable stand off.
“Well… if you phrase it like this.” Harris lost his fight against a helpless chuckle.
“Oh so now it sounds bad?” He asked sarcastically, watching Shane's eyes getting watery from the staring.
“Ilya,” Shane said quietly, voice a little trembling. He was still looking at Troy's face with stubborn determination. It was not like they hadn't seen each other naked before, it was more a contextual thing and the guitar between them made it actually so much worse. “Ilya, could you hand me a towel?"
Ilya didn't move, he was still staring at everything. The machinery in his head was visibly still working between amusement, shock, English words, Russian words and the absurdity of the situation. Then without warning, Rozanov bursted into a breathless laugh. He tried really hard to bring out some words but they were all lost in his gasping fits of laughter.
Well not many people could say that they made Ilya Rozanov speechless. Troy took a deep breath, then he did the only thing he couldn't think of to get out of this.
“Well I am glad you two are having fun… Hollander, I am really really sorry. I will now call for an intermission and put on some pants.” He bowed like he was on stage, well he felt very on display so that was not even wrong in some way, turned around and just kept walking until he reached the stairs.
Ilyas and Harris' laughter buzzed through the house then he could even hear Shane helplessly joining them. More hysterical than the other two but it was the first time Troy heard him laugh that loud.
He let himself freak out in his bedroom before putting on clothes and walking back down. The embarrassment settled, the numb cold turned into a burning heat wandering through his body. Harris had texted him three separate apologies, one for forgetting that Shane and Ilya wanted to come over tonight, one for not telling him they were there and one for laughing. His therapist would have a blast next session. He liked him, he was also gay, he understood his struggle and he tended to have very authentic reactions about the things Troy told him.
When he came down again the salad was cleaned up and all of them were sitting around the table. Ilya was grinning so broadly that Troy only could brace himself for the mockery that would follow.
“I'm back and fully clothed.” Troy announced, making Harris and Ilya giggle again. Troy sat down. Taking a breath and avoiding eye contact with Hollander across from him, they clearly had enough of this for the evening. Maybe even forever. Harris squeezed his knee gently, smiling at him reassuringly.
“So Barrett, is this thing a regular performance? Can we get tickets for next time?” Rozanov teased with a crooked, broad grin. Troy rolled his eyes but Harris grinned back at Ilya with so much pride and joy that one could think he had won the Stanley cup.
“No.” Harris chimed in before Troy could tell Roz to fuck off. “This was a special private concert, you were just very lucky to witness it” Troy felt the heat creeping up in his cheeks. He looked at Harris but his boyfriend chose very wisely to ignore him.
“I see, very special private concert with very special private dress code, yes?” Ilya said with mocked seriousness, eyes full of devious joy and mockery. Harris was laughing wholeheartedly with Ilya while Shane and Troy looked at each other, rolling their eyes with pink cheeks.
A few days later, after training Ilya joined him in the shower. Taking the showerhead directly beside him, checking him out, grinning widely. Troy looked at him with raised eyebrows.
“What is it, Rozanov?”
“I see you're carrying air guitar this time, yes?” Ilya looked so fucking proud of this stupid joke.
“Oh fuck you Roz.” Troy said, flipping him off before walking out of the shower while Ilya mimicked playing an air guitar, including the tones, behind him.