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MJ unlocked the door to the apartment, storming inside before slamming it shut behind her. She tossed her keys aimlessly onto the kitchen counter and turned on the lights. With her fists clenched and a tear sliding down her cheek, she began to pace back and forth in the living room. “Asshole.” She said out loud.
Paul’s words from an hour ago rang in her head. “Did you have to do this shit tonight?”
She shook her head, sliding her coat off and tossing it onto the couch where she went to sit down in an attempt to calm herself down. She took a deep breath, unclenching her fists.
“There’s a reason my friends don’t like you much.”
She stood up in a fury, marching towards the fridge and opening it, staring at the beers that were sitting on the top shelf. Her hand reached toward one, but she hesitated. She thought back to the nights at MIT when the anxiety and all the pressure boiled over. When she would have one or two drinks to take the edge off, but some nights one or two would turn into three or four. When she would feel that sadness inside her that she couldn’t quite explain. That void within her that she felt all throughout college that she had no answers for. How she began to drink whenever she felt it. While it never got to the point where it became a serious issue, it did scare her. She began to take it easy, and by senior year she only ever drank casually.
She trusted Ned to make the right decisions, but she knew she had to reign him in a lot of the time. A lot of the guys that he met at college were heavy drinkers, and she knew how wild some of the parties could get. He assured her that he would never tip that line, and to his credit he stayed true to that, bar the occasional drunk evening. Even today, he enjoyed some brews but knew when to stop. This didn’t stop her from always reminding him about the dangers of too many energy drinks, though.
She continued to stare at the bottle before reaching her hand towards the water bottle beside it instead, closing the fridge and taking a big sip. “Fuck,” she said to herself as she put the water down on the kitchen table and leaned against the counter.
Paul had invited her to a party his friend had thrown to celebrate a promotion at work. In truth, she did not want to be there, but she knew she had already flaked too many events he had invited her to. It was quite evident that their relationship had hit a wall for a while now, but he refused to acknowledge it. As she looked around at the crowd at the party, she did not feel a single semblance of herself in that room - nor did she really ever with Paul. They had met sophomore year at MIT, got closer junior year, and started dating senior year. She would sometimes feel bad for thinking it, but she never did see a future with him, and was surprised they had even made it this long. He asked her out and she said yes because her friends had encouraged it, saying “it was what people their age did.” That she “needed to live a little.” Even more now than ever before, she vowed to always go with what her gut was telling her.
Paul had always tried to get her to be more extroverted, especially when he was around his friends. She thought it fascinating that someone could be so different in private versus in front of people he knew, and it’s part of the reason she so often declined to go out when these friends would be present. He was drinking, which only made it worse.
“MJ, come on. You don’t have to stand on your own little island, come join the conversation.”
She hated it when he would do this. While he was the first serious boyfriend she had ever had - or, that she could remember, at least - she knew that relationships were supposed to be about embracing who your person is rather than trying to mold them into what you wanted them to be. He made the effort at the beginning to embrace her enjoyment of the quiet parts of life, the trips to bookstores and to cute coffee shops. Now, he only tried getting her to embrace the loud parties that left half the attendees wasted.
“I’m fine, just a little tired is all.” She told him.
He looked towards the ground, laughing. “Here.” He reached for the cooler that was sitting on the ground, grabbing a drink and offering it to her. “So you can get some energy.”
She thought back to the talks she had with him at MIT, when she had put herself out there and told him about her worries when it came to her drinking. About that void, and how she didn’t know how to fill it. She wondered if he ever actually even cared.
“I’m fine.”
“Just one. Drink it, let loose, and enjoy the party.”
“I said, I’m fine.” She shot back sharply.
The others looked on, quiet. He looked at her with annoyance before placing the drink down and walking off to the side. “Mind joining me for a second?”
She crossed her arms and followed him into an empty room. “Yeah?”
“Do you have to do this shit tonight?” He asked, irritation in his voice. “I didn’t even care the last 50 times you didn’t want to do something, but just act like you give a shit for one hour.”
She tilted her head, feeling a sudden heat in her chest. “Really? You’re going to be mad at me because I didn’t want a drink to ‘let loose’? Did you just forget all of the things that I talked to you about when we were in school? How ‘letting loose’ so much fucking terrified me?” She realized she was raising her voice, yet it still annoyed her tremendously to see him shushing her.
“Is something bothering you? Has it, for like, a while now?” He snapped at her. “I know you’re phenomenal at withholding everything from me, but you’ve really elevated your game lately. Seriously, bravo.”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she stepped closer towards him. “You don’t even seem to know much about me or even bother to learn, so why would I waste the time?”
He snorted. “Believe me, if I was with someone more interesting I would.”
She felt her heart drop. “Fuck you.” She said, trying her best to hold back any emotion that was now bubbling up.
“I didn’t mean..”
“You clearly meant what you said. Why bother acting like you’ve thought any differently for months now?”
He stared at her in silence, then broke it. “Yeah, you probably wish you were with that weirdo from Queens instead right now, don’t you?”
Hearing him disparaging Peter only lit an even larger flame under her. She had realized for a while that he didn’t like that Peter had been hanging out with her and Ned as much as he had lately, and a part of her almost found a strange enjoyment in that. “Are you really that insecure that you can’t even allow me to have friends?”
“Friends, yeah,” he scoffed. “Like you were ever all that good with those.”
She began rubbing her own thumb with her index finger the way she did when she got really irritated. “You’re pathetic.” She said simply.
He looked at her in silence before laughing softly. “This is why my friends don’t even like you. You’re adamant about presenting as a bitch.”
The words pierced her soul like a sword. She looked at him, almost not believing what he had said. “We’re done.” She turned around and walked towards the door, stomping past his friends who looked on. He hurried after her. “Where are you going? Let’s just talk about this.” He said.
“Anywhere you’re not. Don’t bother calling me ever again.” She left and took the subway back home.
A couple of hours had now passed, well after midnight. She sat with a bowl of soup that she had made, the TV turned on even if she wasn’t watching or listening to anything, but rather staring through it. Tissues sat beside her from the tears that she had been wiping off of her cheeks. She knew she wasn’t upset that she wasn’t with that jerk anymore, but rather that she had allowed herself to be stuck in place with him for as long as she had.
She heard a sudden noise at the window, jumping up off the couch. “MJ, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Peter said. He was suited up in that familiar red and blue suit, having opened the window and stumbling inside. He hobbled as he walked.
“Peter,” MJ said as she hurried over, helping to steady him. “What happened? Are you alright?” His suit had slight tears all over it, and his limp was prevalent. She helped him onto the chair beside the couch.
“Ah, just another night of saving the day,” he said with a quiet laugh before coughing in some pain. “Was nearby, thought I’d see if Ned could help patch me up.”
“Ned’s not home right now,” MJ said. “He’s visiting family for the weekend.”
“Oh,” Peter said. It had always been Ned who was the makeshift doctor, cleaning up the small wounds whenever Peter would stop by. MJ would always look on, think about offering to help, but not wanting to make things weirder between them than it had to be. “Well, now I feel like a jerk. You know, it’s really not that bad, I can-” He tried getting up out of the chair before wincing. “Okay, I may be stuck here for a minute.”
“You’re not a jerk, stay there and rest. Here,” MJ said, reaching for his mask and sliding it off and placing it on the couch. His brown locks fell across his forehead, wet from sweat. They curled up in the way they did after a few hours of wearing the mask, something she had always found adorable. It had been almost a year since he had re-entered her and Ned’s lives, yet it was rare that it was ever just the two of them alone. Peter would either stop by whenever Ned was around or when she and Ned were both at the apartment, but almost never when it had been just her. She knew he did it purposefully, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable - but she wished he knew that it would’ve been okay with her. Lately, she had wanted some time just with him.
“Thanks,” Peter said as he took a deep breath. “I really hate to inconvenience you like this.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” she smiled. If only he had known that this was a distraction that she desperately needed tonight. “Where’s the pain?” She asked.
“Mostly…” He motioned with his hand across his chest and abdomen, grimacing again. “All.. that.”
“Let me go get a wet rag and clean up some of these small cuts and the sweat.” She got up and hurried over to the sink.
Peter looked at the couch beside him, seeing the tissues that had been lying on the cushions. “Have uh, allergies or something?” He called out to her.
“What?” She asked as she came back with the rag.
He pointed. “All the tissues on the couch.”
“Oh, uh… no, it’s nothing.” She knew that answer wouldn’t work with him.
“MJ,” he started as he sat up on the chair, grunting slightly. “I noticed the puffy eyes as soon as I saw you. Is everything okay?”
And people had always told her she was the observant one. “Y-yeah, really. All good.”
He knew she was holding something back. “MJ, if there’s anything you want to talk about, you know you can.”
There was that trait of his that she still couldn’t explain to herself - how he always made her feel so comfortable saying the things she never would otherwise. She sighed. “Paul and I broke up. A few hours ago.”
“O-oh..” He said, quickly adding, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was more me finally being done with his shit and breaking up with him.”
“Well, that’s good - I mean, uh - I’m glad you did what you thought was best.”
The corner of her lips curled ever so slightly. “Yeah. He just said some stuff that kind of hurt, but I’m fine now, really.”
“What did he say?” There was no hesitation or misspoken words this time. The look on his face was one she rarely saw from him.
She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter, it’s over with now.”
She saw the anger in Peter’s face, even though he was trying to restrain it. “You didn’t deserve it, whatever he said.” For a second it was as if he didn’t even feel any wear and tear. He had a habit of pushing through any pain when his emotions spiked, explaining to her that it was a result of his arachnid DNA and its mutation, which he had managed to balance. She wondered if part of it had come out now.
“Thanks, seriously. Now, let’s get you back to feeling like new.”
His face indicated he didn’t want to just let it go, but he did so for her, nodding. “I, uh.. really do appreciate this.”
She offered a smile. “Of course.” She saw those brown eyes peering up at her, the ones that stared at her in a way that no others ever truly had. She dropped her gaze. “We should get the top part of the suit off, to see how it all looks.”
“Yeah, let me just…” He leaned forward, MJ doing the same as she reached over to help pull the suit from the neck down. It slid off smoothly, his shoulders, chest, and finally abdomen now bare as the suit sat at his waist. Her eyes wandered across his skin, his muscles even more toned than she had remembered. Focus, MJ, she thought to herself. She observed his skin, noticing the small bruises that were visible from top to bottom, from the shoulders down to the ribcage and abs. There were at least a dozen, light purple in shade.
“Peter,” she said with a sigh.
“That bad, huh?” He asked.
“It could be worse,” she grinned.
He let out a laugh. “Yeah. I always used to tell you that you didn’t have to do this part, but it was you. You never do things in half-measures. You used to tell me that you found it fascinating to see how I healed, or something like that. I always thought it was just an excuse to use me for experiments or something.”
She laughed. It would always cease to amaze her how this boy who she had no recollection of just a year ago seemed to always know her better than anyone else. “That does sound like me.”
She sat down on the couch, turning towards him. She reached for the wet rag, placing it tenderly against his left shoulder and patting away at a small scratch that had drawn a bit of blood. She flipped the rag and ran it down to his left pec, slowly rubbing the sweat off of him. The two shared a gaze for a split second, and she felt her heart beat faster before shooting her eyes back to the rag in her hand. She glided it to the other pec before wiping down his other shoulder. “Now I’ll uh, just clean up the abdomen and ribcage area a bit, if that’s fine.” She looked at him for permission. He nodded in return.
She brought the rag down to his side, feeling how tender yet firm his muscles were. She wiped at one side, running the rag down his skin before bringing it to the other side and doing the same. She caught a quick glance at how his hands were tightly gripping the armrests as she moved the rag along his body. She carefully brought the rag to his abdomen, feeling the inhales and exhales of his breath as she cleaned the sweat off of his etched muscles. She got up to put the rag away, feeling a bit woozy suddenly. She heard him take a deep breath behind her. She returned after dropping the rag into the sink, sitting across from him again. “Where does it hurt most?” She asked. She really noticed the small wrinkles around his eyes up close, a price of the life he lived.
“All over,” he replied.
Her heart swelled. She hadn’t been able to come to terms with the feelings she had felt for him since she read the letter. She was truthful when she had said that she didn’t know him, and therefore couldn’t say she loved him. Yet she never doubted him when he said that he loved her and she had once loved him.
She brought her hand to his side, gently placing it against his skin. He felt warm, the cool winter air having been suppressed by his suit. The touch of his skin sent shivers through her body. He shifted in the chair slightly, but didn’t say a word.
“I hate seeing you like this.” She said in full honesty. “It hurts seeing you in pain.”
“I’m-”
She cut him off, already knowing he would apologize yet again. “You don’t have to be sorry. It only hurts because I… care about you a lot. And I’ll always be here to help, whenever you need it.”
A warm grin bloomed across his face, and his eyes said everything that she knew he wanted to.
She looked down at all of the bruises on his body, at least all of the visible ones. If she hadn’t seen it for herself, she would never guess this sweet boy was capable of the things he was. Lifting cars, swinging through the city, saving the day everywhere he went. He was just a guy her age who still played with Legos and made movie references she didn’t understand, yet she saw the burden he carried with him every time she was in a room with him.
She found those brown eyes again, bringing her hand to the small purple mark that was on his pectoral. Her mind had been telling her to do it, but she didn’t actually think she would. She leaned down slowly, breaking eye contact at the last second, and placed her lips tenderly against his skin where the bruise was. Peter closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and finding hers looking up at him again.
“MJ..’ he started.
She brought a hand up to his cheek, caressing it ever so tenderly. “For the pain,” she assured him. She waited for his reaction, and simply went back to it when he nodded. She felt a warm sensation inside of her, one she hadn't ever remembered feeling before. Butterflies filled her stomach, like a sudden electric current had gone through her. She leaned over to his other pec, tenderly placing her lips against another bruise. Peter let out a quiet groan, shuffling slightly in the chair.
It had been an entire year of getting to know someone who she felt like she had known all her life.
She kissed the bruise on one shoulder, rubbing at his bicep, feeling his skin against her hand. She leaned to the other shoulder, kissing another bruise and doing the same.
A year of stealing glances at the handsome dork from Queens whenever he had been over.
She leaned down, placing a kiss on the bruise underneath his left pec, and on another below that one.
A year of trying not to laugh at his stupid jokes, the same ones she wouldn’t have even registered had someone else said them.
She went to his ribcage, looking up at him. His hand reached for hers, and their fingers interlocked. She used her free hand to explore his side, and kissed one bruise before doing the same to the one right beside it.
A year sitting in her room alone, crying because she couldn’t remember anything about the experiences she had with this boy who she already cared so much about.
She moved to his abdomen, the ridges of his muscles inches from her face. He looked at her with pure admiration. She wasn’t sure if she had ever really seen him like this before, with his defenses completely down. No shield, physical or emotional. She placed a soft kiss on one bruise on his core before moving to the larger one above it. He let out a soft, unintelligible noise, which made her smile. She felt his thumb rubbing the back of her hand.
A year feeling that unexplainable void finally starting to be healed.
She leaned back up, staring at the small bruises that were visible on his face. “Peter,” she whispered.
He looked at her, and his eyes told the story again. She was his world. She wanted to tell him how pretty she thought he was even with a beat up face, but she knew they’d both just laugh, and she didn’t want this moment to be interrupted for anything. She leaned forward, placing one soft kiss on the bruise on his jaw, one on his cheek, and then found his lips.
A year of falling in love with Peter Parker all over again.
She leaned into him further before she felt him lean forward in return. He brought his free hand up to her cheek, caressing it as his other hand still held onto hers. Their kisses were filled with hunger. Breaks in between kisses lasted milliseconds before their lips met again. Her hand found his bare side, running up and down against his skin. His hand moved into her hair, which sat in a bun. They leaned back for a moment, and she felt his warm breath against her lips. She beamed at him. Before either could speak, they returned to each other’s lips once more, filled with desperation. He groaned inside of her mouth.
Her heart raced, and she could feel his own pulsing in the same manner as she brought her hand to his chest, resting it there. She felt lightheaded in a way that was almost intoxicating, running on pure adrenaline.
He reached his hand back further to undo her bun, her curly locks dropping down past her shoulders. He leaned back to admire her. “You are the most beautiful woman on this earth,” he said through a heavy breath.
She brought both hands to his face, caressing it as she looked him up and down in the way she had wanted to for so long. “I might not remember but.. I know that something inside me missed you - missed us - so much.” She felt her eyes well up, holding back sudden tears she hadn’t even expected.
Now he brought his hands to her face, cradling it like he wanted to ensure he would never lose her again. “I loved you then, and I love you now. Nothing will ever change that.”
Hearing him say it now meant something completely different to her than it had a year ago. Now, she could be honest once again.
“I love you, too.”
They beamed at one another, their foreheads meeting for a few moments. Their thumbs ran across each other’s cheeks before they leaned back again. She grabbed his hand, standing up from the couch. She stepped forward, climbed gently onto the chair and into his lap, cradling him. His breaths got heavier, looking up at her, speechless. “My beautiful spider.” She ran her fingers through his curls, admiring him. Their bodies were pressed together now, her dark sweater against his bare chest. She felt his hands grab onto her hips, steadying her. His grasp elicited a sudden and hard exhale from her lips. Her hands found his face again, gripping his jawline before she leaned down to tenderly press their lips together again. Leaning back, she twisted her neck ever so slightly, which he picked up on instantly. Peter leaned up and placed a soft kiss on her neck, and then another. His grasp tightened on her hips, and his kisses became more desperate, going from one spot to another with his lips. MJ moaned out softly, wrapping her fingers around strands of his hair. She opened her eyes to get a glance at him, the need in his actions making her grin.
“You’re perfect,” he groaned in between the kisses. “No one else ever deserved you.”
His sudden jealousy mixed with his anger from earlier jumped out, and it made her bite her lip before she let out a soft laugh through a heavy breath. “It’s only ever been you,” She said before turning her head back towards him and finding his lips. They both moved back a bit, smiling and looking at each other before she asked a question that had been on her mind, but she had never known how to ask. “Peter, did we ever…”
Anticipating where she was going with it, he took her hand into his own. “No, we didn’t.” He ran his thumb against her own.
“Good, I.. want the first time to be special. Eventually.” Her lips curled up without any strain. She wasn’t even worried in the slightest about possibly disappointing him by saying it.
He brought his hand up to her face to gently brush a strand of hair out of the way of her forehead. “I completely agree.” He beamed up at her.
She knew he would understand. It was Peter, after all.
“Do you.. maybe want to spend the night? Take a shower and then lay down.. maybe together?”
He nodded. “I think that sounds great, Em.”
Hearing this new nickname made her heart flutter. She climbed down with his assistance, reaching out to help him up after. She headed to the shower first, walking out a short time later in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. She found an old shirt of hers and a pair of sleeping pants from her drawer, laughing as she showed him the red and blue boxer shorts of hers that she had found just for him. She went and cleaned up the living room as he showered. She tossed away the tissues she had needed earlier, feeling like it was already a lifetime ago.
She went to her bedroom and tidied it up and got the bed ready. She headed back to the living room and turned on the TV again as she waited for him to finish. He walked out a short time later and she turned around and greeted him with a smile, turning off the TV and walking to him and wrapping her arms around him tight. “You smell much better now.”
He wrapped his arms around her, grinning. “Must be that coconut-scented body wash I used.”
“You’re welcome.” She laughed.
He chuckled as they made their way to her room, squeezing into her full-sized bed together. Neither minded having to be so close to the other. They laid beside one another talking about whatever popped into mind, free to do so in a way that they hadn’t been in a long time. Before they finally got some rest, one last conversation was had.
“Em, I.. really want to just say thank you, for.. all this tonight. I know it might sound selfish, but I was always hoping we would be able to be like this again someday. It really means the world to me.”
She shook her head. “Not selfish at all.” She brought her hand to his curls, still wet from his shower. “I wanted to thank you, actually. Tonight was.. pretty shitty before you fell through the window.” They both laughed. “I.. wanted this too, it just took me a while to realize it. There was a piece of me that felt like it had been missing for a long time, and I think it’s finally back in place now.”
He beamed at her, leaning over to kiss her softly. She returned it with a grin of her own.
She turned the lamp on the nightstand off, and turned back to the bed. He wrapped an arm around her and she laid her head on his chest, snuggling into him. “I love you, Em,” he said before leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Goodnight.”
“I love you, too. Goodnight.”
They dozed off, preparing for their next chapter and the adventures that would come with it.