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Adrian had taken to watching Grace sleep often these days. Rocky was busy and couldn't always be there. It crushed him to leave Grace unattended, even if that wasn't really true. There were so many doctors and scientists moving about that someone was always watching. It wasn't the same though. Not to Rocky.
So Adrian watched.
As the treatment developed to keep an alien lifeform- to keep Grace- alive, he steadily improved, but it wasn't consistent. He had good days and bad days. This was one of the bad ones.
His core muscles heaved and sweat beaded along his wafer thin carapace. Disgusting wet sounds filled the room as his body rejected today's attempt at a new nutrient blend into a waste receptacle. It was viscerally awful. There was something almost violent about the action.
Eridians, well, they did not do this. Their bodies did not reject food once it had been injested. Humans, it seemed, were easily affected by poisons and decaying food. They also breathed through their mouths and obstructions could be lethal. So, to free airways and eject bad food, creatures on Earth had developed a "gag reflex."
All these things Grace had patiently explained, much to Adrian's shock and horror. Even now, they could not resist a shudder of revulsion as he continued to strain. They wanted to run, to escape from the sounds, but Grace could not escape and Rocky would not have run. So, trembling with disgust, they stayed.
Eventually, it was over. Grace slumped against a wall, long limbs slack at his sides. His vents worked overtime to recover from the exertion. Adrian longed for a weak human memory to be able to purge this moment.
Eventually, Grace lifted a claw and wiped at his mouth with the back of it. "Sorry."
His voice was rough, low, and full of grit, like sand had mingled with his vocal apparatus. In other words, he sounded bad, even to Adrian's untrained ears.
They reached out tentatively and tapped the barrier, partially to get his attention and partially to let him know they were still there. "You are... feeling better after that?"
Grace let out a big huff of air. "No. Not really."
Then he reached for his instrument, the one Rocky made him so he could speak Eridian languages. While Adrian was learning Human, they had not had the time to learn more than simple words and phrases. At this point, Grace was better at their language than they were at his.
"Took more energy than I had," Grace played. "Muscles hurt. Throat hurts. Stomach hurts. Tired, tired, tired."
That was... more honest than he usually was. Adrian noticed he tended to downplay his suffering. It was possible he too had noticed Rocky's desperation over his health and was trying, feebly, to prevent pain. Then again, Rocky wasn't here. Maybe that was the reason for the honesty.
"What can I do for you now?" Adrian asked.
"For me?" Grace huffed. "Not much more than the miracle you already give."
Oh. He jokes. Adrian let out a small chuckle in response. The joke wasn't very funny but they wanted him yo know they had heard. "Grace. Be serious."
"Am serious," he played. His long, dexterous talon-like claws thumped against the instrument in a way that showed his frustration more than he could have done through a correctly played tone. "Adrian gives more that I ever thought to get. Erid gives more. Did not expect."
"Grace?" Adrian asked softly. "What do you mean?"
He draws air into his vents and holds it before releasing the air in a large burst. "Plan was get Rocky home. Could not die until then. Rocky watched whole crew die. Was alone long long long time. Could not happen again."
"Yes," Adrian cooed. It was a futile attempt to soothe what could not be soothed, but they tried anyway. "You got him home to me. Thank you."
"Had to. Could not live with anything else," Grace says. "Would hate myself if not try to save him. Still, I thought..."
He trailed off for a moment resting the side of his head against the xenonite and just breathing. The unfinished thought was worrying.
"Grace," Adrian asked softly, "What did you mean by, 'Could not die until then?' Do you-"
It was a difficult question but it must be asked. "Do you want to die?"
His head snaped up suddenly at that. His words were spoken out loud in his own language. "No, no, no! Not that!"
He switched back to the instrument. "Not in that way, anyway. I have wanted pain to end. Did not really want to die. Just tired tired tired."
Ah. Adrian understood that well enough. There had been times, when Rocky was gone that the grief consumed them. It was not a true longing for an end, just an end of suffering. "I understand. Then what did you mean?"
Grace hesitated before playing, "Thought Rocky was just being... Not know word. To only look at positives and not negatives."
"Naive," Adrian offered. Then, "Optimistic if the meaning is aware of bad but choosing to look at good."
"Yes to both," Grace played. "Did not believe Erid could actually help me. Thought I would die. I just had to get him home before then. Had to."
"You thought saving him would kill you?" Adrian asked. They thought they might already know the answer to their next question but they had to ask anyway. "Why did you do it?"
Grace released a slightly vocalized breath of air. Aloud, in his own voice he said, "You know why."
"Yes," Adrian said after a moment. "I understand. Rocky is both of ours now. You can put down your burden. You don't have to carry it in secret alone anymore."
Rivulets of moisture beaded and fell from Grace's light sensing organs. Tears, he had explained. They expressed big emotions. Too many chemicals had built up in the body and needed to be expunged for a more stable mental state.
"Grace, what is the big emotion?" Adrian asked softly. He did not always want to say.
Grace made a whistling, pulling sound with his airborn particle sensing organ. He played on his instrument, "Tired, relieved, happy, scared. Too many big emotions."
"I am here Grace," Adrian assured. He may have been singular on Erid but he would never be alone.
He smiled and whispered, "I know."