Chapter Text
They were barely a ten day out of Dol-Makjar when Julien ended up on his death bed.
At first, he'd been fine. A mild scuffle with some Tachonis's vassals. One got in a lucky shot with an arrow to his leg, but it was easy enough to tend. Pull the arrow out, wrap some discarded cloth around it, and he was back on his horse and ready to ride. He wanted to keep things business as usual. Though it seemed his traveling companions disagreed.
The worst was Thimble. She kept trying to cozy up to him. Ask how he was doing. Talking to him like they were friends. He hated it. With Thimble he'd always known where he stood. She hated him. She'd always hated him. He assumed she would continue to hate him until his dying day. Now she was sweet and considerate and it rankled something in Julien he couldn't put a name to. And Julien knew why she was behaving in such a way. Because of Thjazi fucking Fang.
His soul was still clinging to Julien like a limpet. He wished he knew how to get rid of it, but the most Thaisha told him before they parted ways was it was a curse. As far as she knew, the only way to remove the curse was death. So likely, Julien would be stuck with Fang forever. Thimble was delighted to hear it. A look of sorrow crossed the expressions of both Halandil and Azune, but neither commented. They only wished him a safe journey. Kattigan, that cur, simply laughed and clapped Julien on the back.
"Congratulations on finally gaining a better half!" He'd guffawed.
Julien elbowed him in the stomach and went to find his horse.
To his surprise, there was someone waiting for him. Wicander Halovar, and of course his pet demon, Tyranny.
"I wanted to say goodbye," he said softly. "And to be safe."
Tyranny was smirking in a way that Julien wasn't sure he liked as she said, "Yeah, totally. I mean, you will be so safe. Then you can come back and hang out with us for a while!"
"Of...course? I suppose," Julien replied. Why were they both acting so strangely?
Then Wicander said, "I'm sorry I punched you. I shouldn't have."
"Maybe I needed it," Julien replied, then gave him a teasing smile. "You sure did. But I am sorry, too. For what it is worth." And in truth, he meant it. He'd felt a little like a bully when he'd punched Wicander, even if it was necessary.
He perked up a bit. "You forgive me?"
"Sure." Julien didn't think there was much to forgive. It had been a weak hit, Julien barely felt it.
Then Wicander grinned, the filament in his cheeks glowed softly. "Thank you. Save travels, Sir Julien." And he and Tyranny left.
Julien mounted his horse, cloak over his hair, and rode out of Dol-Makjar on yet another mission to stop the Tachonis and have his revenge. Along the way, he would save his sister, and confirm to his mother that he was alive. All would be well.
The journey was mostly quiet. Julien followed Mara's directions to the letter, and a few times he would scout ahead. Just so he didn't have to feel Thimble's or Occtis Tachonis's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. Once or twice Occtis rode alongside, as though he wanted to say something. Then he would think better of it and fall back. Then he and Thimble would whisper together and Julien's ears would burn.
Once or twice, Vaelus would catch up. She was silent for the most part. But on the second day, she said, "They don't know how to bring it up, but they want to try to talk to Thjazi again. See if we can get a better idea of what the rest of the plan entails."
"Then it's unfortunate you destroyed the Stone of Nightsong," Julien muttered.
She sighed. "I don't know that Occtis has forgiven me yet. I admit I didn't think of what might happen to him in the moment. I wish I had. Perhaps he would not be so cross with me."
"Would it have changed anything?"
"No."
"Then why bother regretting your actions?" Julien kept his eyes on the road ahead.
"Because I hurt someone I consider a friend," she said, as though explaining a simple concept to a child.
"He was not hurt, he was barely inconvenienced. He's fine."
It was hard to tell with the veil on, but he thought Vaelus might be frowning. "Is that how you see it?" Even in her gentle tone he could hear judgement. He wasn't surprised. Outside of a select few, Sir Julien Davinos was not a well loved man.
Julien shrugged. "There's no use dwelling. Regret fixes nothing. Action is what is needed."
"Then I shall have to think of some actions to apologize to him."
"As you will." Not that Julien thought it would do any good. He'd gone through a phase like that. Trying to prove you were sorry was just as futile as saying the words.
She either didn't understand his tone or chose to ignore it. "There may be other ways to speak with Thjazi Fang."
"And when you come up with one, I shall consider if I want to subject myself to them."
Vaelus's eyes narrowed. "You should try to be kind. This isn't easy for any of us. But especially Thimble and Occtis"
"Oh? And it's so easy for me?" Julien asked, glaring back at her. "To have the soul of the man who was instrumental in the downfall of my house attached to me for the rest of my life? The person who brought shame to my liege lady? A soul that very well might try to kill me again at the soonest opportunity?" He didn't bother hiding his disgust. "How selfish of me, I'll be sure to be kind in the future."
He spurred his horse on until the rest of the party was out of sight.
The subject was not broached again.
Though that didn't mean no one talked to him. Or really, at him. Thimble would chatter for at least an hour each day, reminiscing about her life with Thjazi on the road. It didn't escape Julien's attention that she kept her eyes on his shadow as she talked. She was even nice to him, sort of.
"I guess if he was gonna get attached to anyone it's a good thing it's you," she said begrudgingly.
Julien raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"You're a pretty good fighter. Not as good as Thaz, but good enough you can take care of yourself."
His hands grasped the reins. "Perhaps if you'd seen me in a real battle and not the training yard of the Golden Orchard, you'd change your tune."
At that, Thimble scoffed. "I did see you fight in battle, remember? Thaz would have kicked your ass if he'd had a fair chance. But you decided to be all sneaky instead of fighting him man to man."
His jaw tightened. Julien wanted to snap at her. But from the way Thimble's eyes widened, he knew she realized her mistake. Julien decided the best thing to do was to leave. So he guided his horse into a gallop.
You're a piece of shit, Julien! You always were!
That was what Thimble really thought of him. He wouldn't be fooled. All she wanted was Thjazi Fang. Thimble didn't care about him. The only thing she was worried about was never seeing her precious "Thaz" again.
Thimble wasn't the only one encroaching on his personal space. Occtis would sit near him during meal times, occasionally talking about his arcane studies. Again, he would stare at the ground. Sometimes when he'd catch Julien staring, he would stutter to a stop, then fall silent. At one point, he murmured, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For… That." Occtis gestured at where Julien's shadow danced against a tree, the movement a trick of the flickering flames of the campfire. Or so he hoped. "I know it's probably not easy."
For a moment, Julien considered Occtis's words. If anyone knew what he was going through it was Occtis. But then Occtis's words in Obrimus Manor came back to him.
I am tired of pretending to give a shit about you.
His heart hardened. No. He was not going to confide in Occtis fucking Tachonis. He'd made his opinion of Julien perfectly clear. Maybe if Julien admitted— No, best not to go down that road. The words were said. Nothing was going to change them. Besides, he could see that Kattigan was watching them from across the campfire. He would probably slip over to Occtis's side as soon as Julien left. So why keep Occtis's suitor waiting?
"Then think of a way to get him out of my shadow and out of my life." Julien stood up and walked away from the fire.
By the fourth day, it was almost routine. Though Julien noticed that Occtis was spending more time with Kattigan even outside of camp. The old ranger for his part seemed to be glad of the distraction. Julien wasn't sure what they talked about, but he knew they weren't just talking. He'd woken in the night once or twice to sounds that Julien was intimately familiar with. Sounds he'd hoped to hear from Occtis himself. Julien couldn't help hating Kattigan. Who either didn't realize or didn't care.
Kattigan who could screw up as much as he liked, and everyone still loved him. Kattigan who apparently half the party was in love with in one way or another. He was like Thjazi in that way, and gods Julien wanted to punch them both in the mouth. Especially as Kattigan wanted to encroach on Julien's revenge. While Kattigan made his intentions to kill Primus Tachonis clear, that would be an honor he'd have to beat Julien to first. The man who killed his father would fall to Julien's blade. He would be sure of it.
Bolaire on the other hand was a bit of a surprise. Julien and Bolaire had spent time together in the past, much of it pleasurable. But since the revelation about Thjazi, Bolaire wouldn't let Julien within thirty feet of him. Finally he said, "I had no love for Thjazi in life, death hasn't changed that. I don't want his sorry excuse for a soul anywhere near me. No matter who it's attached to."
That stung, but Julien simply smirked and teased Bolaire about being afraid of a ghost. That's what he always did. He would smile and swagger. Don't let them see you bleed. Don't let them see you vulnerable. Be the cad, the rake, the disappointment. The man with no honor. That was what everyone expected. That's what Julien was. It's what he would always be. He'd never change.
Then the ambush happened.
It was a hard fight. Everyone was injured to some extent, even Thimble. Julien was mostly irritated, but they wiped out the assassins from House Seramai and called it a day. Though, Julien noticed as he sat on watch that night that his vision wasn't what it should be. A tad blurry, like his eyes weren't able to focus on any one thing.
"Are you alright?" Vaelus asked.
"I'm fine. A little too much time out in the sun, maybe."
"You should get some rest. I'll keep watch."
Julien was about to object, but then he saw Occtis and Thimble sitting together and whispering again. The sight made his stomach turn, and he wanted to throw a rock at them. Instead he got up and murmured, "Wake me at first light."
He went to bed that night and had several strange dreams. Things he'd seen in Obrimus Manor that he hadn't wanted to dwell on. Corpses and blood and old bones. Then a dry, hoarse voice said in his ear, "Got you!" And Julien was seized around the middle, unable to move.
Sir Julien Davinos did not wake at first light.
He did not wake at all the next day.
"Well well well, look who it is."
Julien cracked an eye open.
Thjazi Fang loomed over him.
"Gah!" Julien jumped to his feet and reached for his sword. His hand touched nothing. Where the hell were his weapons?
"Welcome to the in-between. I'd ask if you brought anything to drink, but you can't bring shit here," he said.
"What is this?"
Thjazi rolled his eyes. "You're dying, genius. If I had to guess, that arrow you got hit with yesterday was probably poisoned. You shoulda let Katt fix you up."
"Shut up," Julien hissed.
They were surrounded by darkness. Like the night but with no guiding stars. Though he could hear something. A faint but steady rhythm, that Julien quickly realized was his heart. For a moment, he despaired. Now he wouldn't be able to get the arcane focus to Alba. He'd never kill Primus Tachonis. And he'd have to break his promise to his mother.
His mother's face suddenly appeared before him, and their surroundings changed.
The parapets at Castle Torch at sunset, the last time he'd seen Lady Maya Davinos. Julien was outside himself, watching the conversation, and Thjazi fucking Fang was standing right next to him. She was talking about marriages and midwives, and that was what would save House Davinos. Her final words in that conversation were so loud Julien nearly covered his ears.
You are a selfish, spoiled brat. I'm just glad Alba won't have to see it.
Then the image faded, and everything was in darkness again.
Thjazi paused. "What the hell was that?"
"Fuck off."
"Was that Lady–"
"I said fuck off!" Julien hissed. "It's none of your business what my mother and I discussed."
Thjazi sighed and shook his head.
More disgust. Of course. Thjazi was the apple of Raimond Davinos's eye. Before the fall of the Golden Orchard, he probably was beloved by Maya Davinos, too. His heart clenched at that, but no, he was not going to give in. He would not show weakness, especially not in front of Thjazi fucking Fang. He needed to get out.
But there was nowhere to go. He'd get about twenty paces away from Thjazi, and suddenly he was walking toward him again.
"What the hell is going on?" Julien growled.
"I told you. You're dying. And we're both stuck here until you do."
Then, suddenly there was light.
The blue of a bright morning sky, and he could hear voices.
"C'mon, Davinos, wake the fuck up would you?"
Kattigan. Julien rolled his eyes.
"That's enough now, knock it off, that's creepy. Would you just get up? We've got a long way to go today and Mara'll have a fit if we're delayed. Get the fuck up."
Then there was a jostling sound, like someone was shaking something.
"...Vaelus!"
"Yes?"
"There's something wrong with Davinos."
The sound of fluttering insect wings. "Oh shit… Is he dead?"
A pause.
"No, he still has a pulse," Occtis said. "But he seems unresponsive to stimuli."
A very loud crack sounded, and Julien winced.
"Did you have to hit him so hard, Bolaire?" Thimble asked anxiously.
"Just checking. I thought you'd prefer it to me stabbing him."
"How long has he been like this? Does anyone know?" Vaelus asked.
"No clue. After the hissy fit he threw the other night I figured he needed a time out," said Kattigan. "Besides, I was occupied with other things."
"That's a funny way to refer to your boyfriend," Bolaire drawled.
"He's not my boyfriend," Occtis shot back.
"I knew you two were up to something!" Thimble squealed excitedly.
"Yes, yes, Occtis's love life is fascinating. Could we maybe get back to the task at hand? Seeing as Sir Julien is catatonic, we may wish to consider getting him some help," said Bolaire.
"Here, let me try."
That was Mara. She didn't talk to Julien much, but she was neutral toward him, and didn't try to get close just because of Thjazi. He appreciated that.
"Damn it."
"What?" Thimble asked, voice high with anxiety.
"His ankle, look. The skin has turned black and so have the veins around the wound."
There were several gasps, but Julien couldn't have said who they were from.
"What could have caused it?" Vaelus asked, her tone as mild as ever.
"Wraithheart poison," Mara said. "The arrow he took yesterday must have been coated in it."
Kattigan grunted, "The hell is it?"
"A poison made from a particular kind of undead that's rarely if ever corporeal," Occtis said. "It paralyzes the victim completely and eventually they die of starvation or dehydration."
"So… Julien's going to die?" Thimble asked. If Julien didn't know any better he might almost think she was worried about him.
"If we don't get him the antidote, yes."
"What is the antidote?" Bolaire was still businesslike. As though this were a transaction and not Julien's life in the balance.
"Uh, I'm not actually sure. It's either the essence of a siren's tears or a ritual involving a loved one. I don't have access to my family's library so I can't check."
"If he dies, what happens to Thaz?"
"There it is," Julien murmured. Of course that was her chief concern.
"I don't know," Mara replied. "We need to get him somewhere safe. I think there's a grove near here. Come on."
He heard more sounds. Someone was lifting Julien onto a horse. Some conversation but too far away for Julien to hear.
"Don't worry, they'll figure it out," Thjazi said, and clasped Julien's shoulder.
Julien pushed his hand away. "Don't fucking touch me."