Chapter Text
The wind howled, cold and unforgiving as it pounded against his face, making him let out yet another shiver.
It was only a couple of days before Christmas, and everyone was huddled inside, spending time with friends and family, smiling and laughing as they celebrated the holidays.
But not Tim.
Never Tim.
He watched, absentmindedly, as snowflakes gently drifted down, covering the city in a blanket of white wonderland.
Really, it was a shame that Tim would be staining it red with his blood that night, ruining the picture perfect scene.
Atop the building he had specifically chosen, up high and out of sight, another pang of loneliness stabbed his chest like a knife, and he grimaced.
Because Tim was going to fall, fall down to his death and die, all alone like usual and that was how he wanted it, after all, why should he burden the others with his existence?
Scooting closer to the edge, he let out a weary sigh, tired blue eyes peering out underneath his black waves, little bits of snow sticking to the hair.
Tim was going to die alone, and that was a fate set in stone.
When he had researched about what the best way to commit suicide was, many platfroms and users talked about how they had left a note behind for their loved ones, apologizing for everything before they died.
Hesitating, torn between just getting it over with and actually being selfish for once, Tim paused, thinking over it.
It wouldn't hurt… right?
Maybe- just maybe- they do care, and when they see my body they'd cry?
Mourn?
Grieve?
Sob silently at night, missing the brother they had lost too soon?
Oh, who was he kidding.
He let out a scoff, immediately feeling abashed at the thought, at the idea that he was that desperate for comfort.
God, he was such an embarrassment, wasn't he?
But.
But.
This was his last day, his last night before he died, leaving behind the ones Tim loved even though he knew his feelings weren't reciprocated in any way.
And- and Tim admits that it would be nice to hear his brothers’ voices one last time.
With shaking hands, not only from the cold, he gently pulled out his phone, careful not to let it slip out of his trembling fingers as he did so.
Now, who to call?
Definitely not Jason, that's for sure. It would be foolish, besides, the crime lord would probably be happier with him gone, cruelly laughing at his misery and hanging up, breaking his already broken heart with the harshness.
Damian?
Well, Damian would mock him, saying ‘tt, of course useless Drake would want to kill himself, the greedy coward, he'd be better of dead.’
Not Bruce, no, the man never picked up his phone anyways, most likely ignoring his call in favor of something else. Even if he did, he'd most likely be disappointed, and Tim doesn't think that he could die peacefully knowing that he'd disappointed Batman, so that was off the list.
If he called Alfred, then Tim was scared that the butler might- might convince him not to die, even put him on suicide watch, making him forever curse the spur of the moment decision.
Steph wouldn't understand, she'd argue and try to stop him and he didn't want to get in a fight before he jumped, or hear her cry.
So that also removed Cass, because the girl would instantly know something was wrong, and demand answers, the same fear that she would make him agree to stop from Alfred more the reason.
That leaves Dick.
With a shaky sigh, Tim entered the number, nerves sky-high as he tensely waited.
It rang once, twice-
“Timmy!” The cheerful voice of his older brother filled the air, and he relaxed instantly, a small, fond smile filling his face. “How are you, baby bird?”
Why had he thought that this was a bad idea again?
“Hey, Dick," He softly said, staring off into the distance. "Look, I just wanted to say-”
“Ah, sorry Timmy! Is there any chance you could call back later? I'm taking Damian ice skating, and we're, like, about to leave.”
Oh, that was why.
Tim froze, mouth hanging open with a cut off confession resting on his tongue, brain screeching to a halt. “Wh-what?”
Over the phone, he could hear the impatience clear when Dick spoke tightly with a slight teasing tone. “I just said I was busy, remember Tim? Look, I really need to go, talk to you later?”
He jerked forward, panic flooding him. "But I-!” It was too late.
Dick had hung up.
“-love you,” Tim finished, the words coming out in a whisper, shoulders sagging as he slumped forward, staring at the blank phone in his lap and fighting back the white hot tears that sprung to his eyes. “Goodbye, Big Bird.”
The device slipped from his hands, plummeting downwards and quickly disappearing from his vision as it fell.
Everything seemed detached, like he was looking out of his head through a foggy mirror, not quite in his body but still attached enough that he was still there.
That went terribly.
Tim let out a shuddering breath, tilting his head at the sky as the world slowly moved around him, not caring at any small inconvenience.
Because that's what he was, wasn't he?
Just a small inconvenience, never perfect and always messing up, the effects from his actions affecting everyone around him.
And by God, was Tim tired.
Everyday fatigue hung over him like a heavy shroud, both his mind and soul exhausted, and no matter how much he slept, he was never quite able to feel truly rested.
What a shame.
Maybe in his next life, he could be loved?
If that was even possible?
Ever so slowly, Tim tilted forward, eyes gently slipping shut.
He'd delayed the inevitable for too long, but now, finally, he could give up, freeing his family from one more heavy weight that they would have to carry.
At least he did something good in his meaningless life.
As his torso dipped lower and lower, Tim released the tight grip he'd had on the edge of the roof, and his body slipped without any resistance, falling down, down, and down.
The tears he'd desperately tried so hard to hold back fell with him, sliding out of his shut eyes as he plummeted to the street below.
And then Tim knew no more.
_________________________________
Dick let out a sigh as he hung up, regret already boiling up inside him as he shoved his phone in his pocket.
As much as hated to hang up on his brothers, he had worked hard to convince Damian to spend time with him.
It's fine, I'll just call him back later.
But still, Dick felt a creeping sense of dread, like he had just made a grave mistake, for reasons he couldn't quite understand.
With a shake of his head, dispelling the uneasy feeling, he walked out to meet his youngest brother with a smile on his face. “Alright baby bat, let's go!”
_________________________________
Finally, finally, it was Christmas Eve, the one day where the entire family would gather to spend time together, eating a huge dinner and hanging out.
Dick yawned as he made his way down the steps four at a time, a bounce whenever he moved.
“Good morning!" He announced, barging into their main eating room, earning a tired glance from Bruce and an annoyed glare from Damian. “Happy Christmas Eve!”
He grabbed some bacon and eggs before taking his seat at the table, enthusiastically digging into the delicious meal.
A comfortable silence hung over the room, as in that moment it was just a family eating breakfast, without a care in the world.
Ringggggg!
Dick startled at the unexpected noise, eyes darting around as he looked for the source, only for his gaze to lock onto Bruce staring at his phone with furrowed brows.
Both him and Damain watched intensely as their father picked up the phone, bringing it against his ear.
“Yes?”
From Dick’s current spot, he couldn't hear what the person on the other side had said, but he did see how Bruce’s face paled suddenly, as he gripped the device tighter, knuckles whitening. “What?”
The man sounded strangled, fear shining in his eyes as he sat stock still, barely moving, listening to whatever the person was telling him.
Dick leaned forward, suddenly interested in what was said to make his dad react as he did.
Suddenly, Bruce stood up, clenching his fists as he leapt over the table, making a mad dash to their living room, Dick and Damian hot on his heels.
With a kind of desperate movement, the man lunged towards the TV remote that was laying innocently on the coffee table, frantically switching to the news channel.
“-the death of one Timothy Drake-Wayne, the current CEO of Wayne Enterprises, who, in a shocking turn of events, was found dead only an hour earlier.”
The room seemed to freeze.
Bruce collapsed to his knees, horror written on his face, and Dick stumbled forward, blood roaring in his ears.
No, no, no- this couldn't be happening.
“The police ruled the cause of death to be suicide, as security camera footage shows that last night, the seventeen year old teenager was shown falling from a nearby building around nine PM, and died on impact as he hit the concerete ground.”
Oh gods, please, no, not again-
Dick trembled, tears sliding down his face quietly as his mind scrambled to put together the pieces.
Last night- last night he had gotten a call from Tim, and he'd ignored how his brother, his precious, baby brother who wasn't even an adult yet, had sounded slightly off, and he-
A wave of nausea rose up at him, and Dick scrambled madly to the nearest trash can before expelling all the food he had eaten in the last 24 hours into it.
Oh god, he'd hung up.
He'd hung on his little baby bird, who was calling to say goodbye, and he'd just dismissed it.
This was all his fault, and now, once again, another person who he loved so, so much died by falling, falling down and hitting the floor, only this time it had all been his fault.