Chapter Text
She woke up to pink. It gouged into her eyeballs like Hello Kitty had taken a butcher's knife to her face and puked rainbow sparkles on her just to rub it in. She was already developing a migraine, as cute as all the pink was.
The problem wasn't inherently that the room she woke up to was pink. The problem was that this wasn't her room. This wasn't her bedroom piled high with moving boxes and plants barely clinging to life. This was somewhere else, somewhere she'd never been, and she briefly entertained the idea that she was in hell.
Darya nixed that idea once she swung herself off the baby pink bed. She wasn't in pain, there was no stiffness, no fatigue and, sure she had a migraine brewing, but if this was hell? Hail Satan.
She took a deep breath, relishing feeling energized in a way she hadn't since early middle school. Feeling... strong.
She examined her surroundings, swallowing down panic. There was nothing of note besides the extraordinary amount of pink. Otherwise, a bed was lined against the wall on one side of the room with a closet at the base. Across from the bed was a vanity and a collection of dressers. Right by the door at the front of the room was a tiny bathroom with its door open wide enough to see part of a shower and toilet. The wall across from the front door and beside the head of the bed had sliding patio doors leading onto a small balcony. Disregarding the pink, it was a well designed room.
Her heart beat a metal drum in her chest, a noise which rung in her ears. She'd never been here before, and worst of all, her body wasn't moving right. Where her tits should have trapped her bedhead and the entire course of her inner thighs should have clung to each other, she felt only neat hair down her back and shoulders, none clinging to her neck. Her chest was light, and only a small bit of her thighs rubbed together.
There was a mirror in the vanity, and probably one in the bathroom too, but her need to know won out as she wandered to the vanity mirror.
Well, whaddya know, she was pink too. Oh, and she also looked eerily similar to Sakura Haruno. You know, med-nin extraordinaire; a decidedly not real, not practical, not possible person to see in the mirror.
Maybe this was hell.
Darya tried not to freak out too much. I don't seem kidnapped, she thought from the ground she’d collapsed to in… well, shock, probably. The patio window radiated eye-piercing morning light, but she strained her eyes against the brightness anyway. A bustling city lay outside her doors, black blurs flickering from one rooftop to the next. Trees interspersed with the tops of apartment buildings. Above it all, four familiar faces peered down at the town.
“Fuck,” she muttered to herself. She flexed her fingers and gazed at the sudden paleness of her hands. Pink hair fluttered in her peripheral vision. She flopped onto her back. Dragging her newly tiny hands down her face, she thought to herself that maybe being a contract killer to a military dictatorship wouldn’t be so bad if she kept feeling so damned good for once.
“Motherfucker,” she cursed, already formulating her next moves, “at least I won’t have to deal with a climate extinction event?”
No, that seemed too petty a reason to be a shinobi. She supposed, the main reason she wasn’t running away immediately at the sight of a fictional world outside her door was on account of that same military dictatorship she was so opposed to. Her brain raced with plans, cataloguing the show she knew into bite-sized pieces, scrapping each plan she made quicker than the next. Logically, she couldn’t freak out, couldn’t run away, couldn’t let anyone know, had to blend in, train, get good enough to leave or at least, have some sort of influence.
Goddamnit, she thought, tears in her eyes, I know I wanted to be a part of a fictional world when I was 16, god or shinigami or something, but I’m not 16 anymore. I have people who love me - finally. Why now?
She rubbed at her watery eyes, breath shallow with devastation.
“Our wedding was next month, y’know,” she sniffled, powerlessness weighing down her ribcage and shortening her breath, “You bastard. I hope this is a really bad dream.”
Only silence answered her and, deep down in her gut, she was certain it wasn’t.
Resilience, thy middle name was laughter. After her mild breakdown, in which Sakura’s parents had knocked on her door, concernedly reminding her of the time, Darya Sakura had broken down in somewhat mad cackles mixed with tears. She'd kept herself as quiet as possible to avoid suspicion but it seemed that Sakura’s parents were used to her being loud and didn’t return. She felt… better. In a terrible way, she’d dealt with worse before. She was tired of being resilient, of course, a lifelong curse that seemed to follow her into this new life — or, whatever this was.
She took stock of herself, noted Sakura’s long hair and cringed at the amount of work she was in for just to survive. She found a Konoha headband and, praise whoever ran this particular ring of hell, a calendar. A calendar with a meticulously organized and detailed schedule as well as the date. And, circled for today, meeting her new team.
Joy.
She dressed in Sakura’s standard Genin clothes which took up the majority of her closet space. They were sturdier than she expected and clearly made with ninja in mind, despite her personal thoughts on the practicality of bilaterally side-slitted dresses. Altogether, she didn’t mind the aesthetic OG Sakura had cultivated. She did mind the idea of wearing her hair down, so she threw it in a high ponytail and made her way out the door.
As far as she remembered, she wouldn’t have to show off any ninja skills today — as long as she was right about where she was in the timeline. Sakura’s abysmal physical strength in comparison to other ninja would give Darya a leg up on blending in and, the massive amount of books in Sakura’s room would be a key feature of her next few nights at least. She’d decided to take a few minutes trying to find a map considering she had no idea where the academy was. This being a military dictatorship, she had been unsurprised to find nothing of the sort.
So, off she went, to find a building she could barely remember in a city she’d never been in. Oh, the pleasures of being an able-bodied 12-year-old killer in training.
Darya, now Sakura, could only try her best.
For waking up in a fictional world with no remnants of her past life, even her physical form, she made it to the Academy building remarkably close to on time. She wasn’t the last one to make it in, at least, no, that dubious honor went to Naruto. Yes, Iruka-Sensei eyed her strangely, and yes it seemed she was a few minutes late, but he had yet to begun assigning teams, so she counted it as a win in her books. She avoided the brooding form of Sasuke and the smug smile of the blonde girl beside him. She kept her eyes forward and focused toward the back row, where she slid in beside a nobody #1 and a nobody #2. Or, at least she hoped they weren’t a part of the story. As much as she was proud of herself for how she was handling the whole ‘being dropped into a fictional universe’ thing, she was happy to procrastinate the plot as long as possible.
Iruka-Sensei? Not so much.
Blah blah, team assignments, blah blah blah, outrage and happiness and Team 7 was the same as usual. As Sakura, she tried to portray some outward excitement of being on the same team as Sasuke, but acting straight wasn’t really her forte. She managed a fist pump.
Her brain was already whirling with plans on how to nip that obsession in the bud without seeming too sudden. She supposed coming out as a lesbian was proof enough, but that would likely seem a sudden shift. Eh, well, if there was any time to make a sudden shift, it was during a major life transition. She was good at improv, anyway.
Naruto invited her to lunch, which Sakura declined despite her heartstrings pulling. She needed to get somewhat of a lay of the land, so she decided to go for a run. Her body was certainly not in the best of shape, but compared to her old one, running was like child’s play. Sure, it burned and hurt, but she was set on seeing as much as she could of the ‘village’ she’d found herself in. She’d body-snatched someone who’d supposedly lived her whole life here. Not knowing where things were was the quickest way to out her as not-Sakura.
She’d first run from the academy back to her new parent’s home, just to make sure she knew the route. Then, she’d jogged along the perimeter of the village, where she was able to note some of the broader districts in the village. She was only able to make it halfway around the village before her wrist watch beeped at her to make her way back to the Academy. Now, with a more complete picture of the village, she was able to head Southwest and cut across the center of the Leaf’s circular design back to the Academy.
While Sakura was certainly more out of shape than a ninja should probably be, Darya was used to pain. The pain of an able-bodied, relatively fit person going on a 45 minute run was nothing in comparison to going to the grocery store with chronic pain. Though, she did hate the sticky feeling of sweat running down her back and the burn of iron in her lungs and spit. On the other hand, running endorphins made her feel more than a bit wonderful. Tomato, Tomahto.
When she made her way back into their classroom, the same spot she’d claimed that morning was available. She rubbed the sweat out of her face and settled in for a long wait. At least she had five minutes to herself to process the fuckery she’d found herself in. By the time her legs had started cramping during her run, she’d long given up hope that this place was a byproduct of some weird fever dream. As impossible as it was, it seemed she was here, for better or worse.
Ha, she’d always joked she had particularly bad luck, but this was pushing even her limits. This was worse than when her college backpacking trip turned into an active war zone where they'd had to smuggle themselves across international borders. Well, maybe not as bad as that one just yet, but she would bet money it would be.
Resilience, thy name was now Sakura. Buckle up, bitches. She was prone to fits of rage and the ability to bullshit border patrol. The Leaf wouldn’t know what to do with her. All the better, if she did say so herself.
Processing was harder than she thought it would be. Sure, Naruto was loud in the show, but in real life, that loudness swiftly translated into unbearable.
Waiting patiently for Kakashi be damned, her forehead had long since made a home on her desk where she covered her ears to block out the incessant voice of her once favorite character. Oh, Naruto, you beloved little demon-child. After the 16th attempt to ask her on a date, she said fuck it, and used those improv skills to the best of her ability.
“I’M A LESBIAN!” Sakura shouted, before placing her hands over her mouth and deliberately making frantic eye contact with Sasuke, who’d turned his head in a remarkable impression of an owl.
“WHAAA-?” Naruto screeched, arms pinwheeling out to balance himself on the chair he was perched on. He steadied himself, “What’s a Lesbean?”
Sakura swallowed her laughter.
“Les-bi-an. It means I like girls, Naruto.”
“Buh — but - but, you like Sasuke?!” He said, eyes wide and heartbreakingly hopeful as he looked to Sasuke for support. Sasuke himself was squinting at her suspiciously.
“Well, I,” here she swallowed, shoulders falling with put-upon defeat as she glanced dejectedly toward the floor, “I think I thought I did, but mostly, I just was sad Ino didn’t like me. Sasuke was the only way we talked after…and I wanted to like him, too, I think, since liking boys was normal and liking Ino, well, my parents…”
Sasuke’s eyes widened with realization, as if it truly all made sense, even though Sakura was pulling this out of her ass like a magician with a rainbow handkerchief. Abracadabra, now you’re gay!
“So,” Sasuke started, voice almost as moody as his eyes, “you like Ino?”
Sakura nodded in confirmation, an embarrassed blush rising to her cheeks that she was thankful would be misinterpreted. In reality, admitting to liking a 12-year-old made her skin crawl.
“I didn’t know I would be on the same team as you, but when I was placed, I knew I couldn’t keep lying to you. After all, we’re a team now and we can’t keep secrets from each other if we want to get stronger!”
Cheesy speeches worked in this world, right? Ah, who was she kidding, she just loved a cheesy speech. Naruto was her favorite character when she was a kid, don’t forget. Speaking of, Naruto gave a crooked smile at her words, but clutched at his belly with a frown.
“Yeah, believe it!” He said, with the conviction of cooked spaghetti.
“Hn,” Sasuke replied, eyes examining her one last time for deception, before turning back to face the front of the classroom. His shoulders seemed more relaxed than before. Small victories.
Now to convince her Jounin Sensei, who’d been killing people since before this body was even born. Hurrah.
Kakashi seemed just as disappointedly committed to avoiding teaching them as his show’s counterpart. She was trying to remember that these were most probably real people and not character constructs made physical. But they were making it really hard.
For one, Naruto was a mosquito made human-form. Sasuke brooded so hard he made Victorian mourners look downright exuberant. Kakashi, worst of all, had the affectation of a blank piece of paper. If these people were real, she needed to expand her mind to the sheer stupidity of her team.
Or, more like, brace herself for their inevitable stupidity.
After inviting them to the roof, he went through the same hullabaloo she remembered from her yearly Naruto read-through. He promptly failed her first test for him. Not that she had been thinking it was a test necessarily, but when her supposed sensei gave her absolutely nothing to work with — well, she believed in the value of human connection, thank you very much Mr. 'I kill people before breakfast.'
Naruto gave his good old Hokage speech, and Sasuke… the less said about him the better.
“Okay, and lastly, the girl,” Kakashi said, and Sakura bristled at being dismissed as ‘the girl.’ Fuck you Kakashi. He truly was going to have one less ‘bell’ tomorrow if she had anything to say about it.
“My name is Haruno Sakura. I like reading, and I dislike household chores. My dream for the future is…” she thought for a second, what would fit her as Darya and as Sakura, “to always be strong enough to survive.”
“Okay,” Kakashi said, the same response he’d given all of them so far. Quite lackluster, if she did say so herself, “Now that introductions are over with, tomorrow we’ll start our duties as shinobi.”
Naruto began to vibrate like he was the energizer bunny, “Duties! Duties! What kinds of duties?!”
“First, we are going to do something with just the four of us — “
“What is it? What is it?” Naruto interrupted, rocking back and forth with all the energy of the sun.
“Survival training,” Kakashi answered, unnecessarily dramatic.
“Survival training?” Naruto parroted.
“This isn’t like normal survival training — this time, I’m your opponent,” he finished, before beginning to laugh ominously. It was mostly creepy how he laughed while clearly feeling no humor himself.
“What is it? What’s so funny?” Naruto shouted.
“Oh, it’s just that, when I tell you this you guys are going to totally freak out.”
“Freak out?” Naruto asked. Sakura snorted, and folded her arms, unimpressed.
“Of the 27 graduates, only 9 will be chosen to become genin. The rest will be sent back to the academy. This training is a very difficult exam with a failure rate of over 66%!”
Silence reigned on the roof, as Kakashi made fun of their reactions with the blank eyes of a man who had fully dissociated from reality by the time he'd reached puberty.
“Well,” Sakura interjected, not ready to allow Kakashi the last laugh, “Considering we have two of the top scoring people on our team, it would only stand to reason we have a higher chance than most to be in the one-third category of winners.”
Kakashi squinted his visible eye at her, a spark of interest stirring in the otherwise emotionless grey. Naruto shouted agreement while Sasuke radiated… something.
“Sure,” he allowed, “if you don’t count the dead last deadbeat also on your team.”
His eye crinkled into a smile as Sakura’s blood turned to hot oil. Naruto himself began yelling in protest. Sakura tried to keep what measly composure she had left and not eviscerate the man in front of her verbally. Oh boiling rage, if only you could be cool and collected for once.
“I disagree,” Sakura said, sickly sweet and clearly simmering underneath the surface. She hated that he noticed, “you seem like our biggest problem to me.”
She ignored Naruto’s profession of undying support. That boy was too easy to win over.
Kakashi’s eye closed and he tilted his head to the side, “Maa, you wound me Sakura. I’m just trying to make sure you’re prepared.”
He handed them a sheet of paper.
“The details are on this paper, and don’t be late tomorrow. Bring all your tools and skip breakfast tomorrow, otherwise you’ll throw up.”
With that, he shunshined away and left them in an awkward silence on the roof — no goodbye or nice to meet you or anything. Man, he was a shit teacher. She felt for him and all, but damn. She might use her newfound brat status to kick him in the shins until he cared or something.
“That was something,” she said to no one in particular.
“Hn,” Sasuke… said? Getting to his feet and grumpily making his way toward the staircase down.
“You’re telling me!” Naruto yelled, “Whaddya mean if we fail we go back to the academy?! What was the point of graduating?!”
“We just have to not fail, I guess,” Sakura said with a shrug.
“I guess!” He said, still far too loud as he came into step beside her, “Hey Sakura-chan, wanna go get ramen with me?”
“Thanks, but I can’t. I’m going to go home and prepare, but get a good nights sleep and eat lots of food so you’re prepared. I wouldn’t listen to his no breakfast rule. That’s not what Iruka-Sensei taught us,” Sakura said, hazarding a guess.
“Ne, really?” Naruto followed up, “you’re really smart so I guess it must be true. You’re right! We’re going to beat him so hard, he’ll have to promote us! Then, I’ll be one step closer to Hokage!”
“Exactly,” Sakura said, swallowing a grimace as she began to veer away, “I go this way, see you tomorrow!”
“See you tomorrow, Sakura-chan! Good luck with being a lesbian now!” this last part he said with his hands around his mouth as if he needed any help being louder.
She dragged her hands down her face in exasperation.
“Sure, Naruto. Sure.”
Getting home that night was a chore and a half — mostly because she had to have dinner with her new 'parents'. She found her way easy enough, despite the new surroundings. Thankfully, Sakura’s house seemed close to the Academy. Not that she really got to use that distance to her advantage much, considering that she was done with the Academy for good now. At least, depending on how tomorrow went. Considering how a demonstration of teamwork was all they needed to continue on as Genin, she thought they’d be fine. She'd briefly entertained the idea of sabotaging the team, but she didn’t know how long she was going to be here. As much as her presence would make ripple effects she wouldn’t know how to contend with, Kaguya and her bullshit wasn’t one of them. Team 7 needed to exist if only as a way to make Naruto stronger. It was too much of a risk for it not to — even for her own safety, much less millions of others.
So instead, she buckled down and began reading. Thank the lord Sakura was as much of a note-fiend as Darya was. There was a lot to cover.
As much as she wanted to show up later than Kakashi had told them to, she knew that would be far too suspicious. Even if she pretended she’d gathered data on Kakashi, it just didn’t fit in Sakura’s character to come in late so soon. Of course, while she logically knew that, her sore muscles protested when her alarm rang. She’d stayed up far too late the night before while trying to make sure she understood at least enough of the basics to not immediately come across as an imposter. This was especially important considering the first test she was facing in this world was physical. As much as she’d wanted to train and see if she was even capable of throwing a kunai, it was far more important to get the basic knowledge down. Sakura felt she was allowed a little grace if her physical skills were subpar. It would fit her body's character far more than say, not knowing the basic Shinobi rules she'd read last night. Or, not knowing the academy three, which she successfully completed on her first try each time when she practiced them.
God bless this body’s immense chakra control. Even untrained in Shinobi arts, she could feel the way the chakra immediately molded like clay in her hands. Considering basic jutsus like this required only rough shapes to be formed in her hara, it was like child’s play. She was thankful she had one advantage, considering just doing the academy three depleted her chakra far faster than she felt was reasonable.
Maturity be damned, if Darya got her hands on OG Sakura, she would throttle the girl for her pathetically thin form. It was time to use her access to an able-body to make herself as physically strong as possible!
“CHA!”
Sakura paused. Ah, she had said that aloud, hadn’t she? Muscle memory was a hell of a thing. Hopefully it translated to knives.
Speaking of, she'd gone through Sakura's supplies and found them to comply perfectly with the academy standard. She would have to change that soon. No way was she going into this new world without some sort of sealing scroll full of bullshit for any of the terrible shenanigans their team fell into.
She dressed in Sakura's standard clothes, the only variation being that she'd outfitted herself with a ponytail again. She really needed to learn how to braid. Thankfully, she had plenty of time to figure out what to do with her new, super cool hair. Hey, she might not have been that big of a pink fan, but it really suited Sakura and having naturally colored pink hair was not something she'd be giving up any time soon.
As she made her way to the training ground, she thanked Kakashi for marking their destination with a red dot on a compass meant to represent the incredibly circular Leaf Village design. Making a compass out of the Leaf Village's topography seemed like a smart way to disseminate location information easily without giving away specific locale details.
Their training ground was set in a corner of the village that seemed to be filled with at least the majority of the other grounds. As she got closer, the trees got more and more dense. She made her way over bridge after bridge. Clear water trickled below, swimming with koi. The early morning light glittered off of fog and Sakura had to say, a world pre cars was pretty dang nice. Then again, she'd always been down for a nice walk, before...
It didn't matter anymore. She could walk now. She was barely sore from her run the day before. Despite Kakashi's orders, she'd eaten a full breakfast of miso soup and grilled fish. She was alive and this world was beautiful, even despite all the death. As she made her way to the 7th training ground, taking her closer to the Hokage mountain, the trees became larger and larger. Some were nearly as tall as redwoods and whispered an ancient sort of stillness to the air.
Sakura was the first to arrive. It wasn't so surprising, considering she'd woken up with plenty of time to spare in case she got lost. Thankfully, the route was relatively easy when relying on cardinal directions alone. Thanks mom, she guessed always knowing cardinal directions would come in handy someday, even if the earth she was using them on was completely different. (Don’t get her started on the physics of that.)
Sakura had brought a book from her room titled 'Chakra: Meditation, Manipulation, and Modulation.' It seemed surprisingly advanced considering her status as a baby Genin from a civilian family, but maybe that was just the fandom bias talking. She hoped acquiring knowledge remained relatively accessible. As for how the book went, there were no breakdowns of any specific jutsu, but rather how to meditate with chakra to grow your yin chakra reserves and increase control, a thorough description of handsigns and corresponding chakra shape, as well as how to mold chakra in unconventional ways such as distress signals. So far, it was useful even if there weren't specific techniques she would gain. She supposed knowing how to do the Leaf-sticking exercise accurately would be helpful though.
When Sasuke arrived, she greeted him casually before returning to her reading. He seemed to appreciate the silence. Naruto came next, clanking like a bag of rusted pots. Despite his grumpiness at the early hour, Sakura could hardly describe him as less energetic. He did not know the meaning of 'shut up.' Eventually, she'd climbed into a tree to read in continued peace and quiet.
It wasn't until almost 11 am that Kakashi arrived. Sakura had finished her book and decided to nap at around 9:45am. Naruto had... entertained himself and Sasuke... let's just say her team was a piece of work.
"Good morning," Kakashi said, all fake cheer and emotional distance.
"You're late!!" Naruto screeched, temporarily donning the look of an outraged cat.
Kakashi gamely avoided acknowledging anyone as he continued his introduction.
"I've set this alarm to go off at noon. I have two bells," he said, dangling them casually in his right hand, "your challenge is to steal them from me before the timer sounds. Those who fail, receive no lunch. Instead, I'll tie them to a trunk and eat their lunch in front of them."
He was more serious than he came across on screen, staring at each of them intently as he laid out the rules.
"All you need is to get one bell, but there's not enough to go around. Whoever gets tied to that stump, gets sent back to the academy in disgrace. Attack me with lethal force. You may use any weapons at your disposal."
"You'll die!" Naruto laughed, hands behind his head.
"Only idiots declare themselves strong without proof," Kakashi said, droll and dispassionate in a way she was beginning to hate, "ignoring that, we'll get started on my signal."
Naruto charged at Kakashi, kunai drawn. Quicker than Sakura could even see, Kakashi redirected Naruto's hand so that his arm twisted, kunai held at the base of his head. Kakashi's other hand gripped Naruto's hair disturbingly gently for the speed he'd just moved.
Sakura gaped. It was one thing to have slept on it – affirmed to herself that she was now here, that she would become stronger, quicker, more than she'd ever thought possible. It was another to see a Jounin in action doing things that were physically impossible in her old universe with ease.
"I didn't say go," Kakashi said, not even winded, "but at least you struck with lethal intent."
Sakura supposed that could've counted as a compliment. He laughed his same creepy, drawling laugh.
"Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to like you three. Now, on the count of three, 1... 2... 3 - go!"
The three of them scattered. Just as Sakura settled in her interim hiding spot, Naruto made his debut in the clearing. While watching Kakashi fight would be interesting, she decided to use his distraction to begin making her way to Sasuke — or, at least, the general direction he'd jumped toward.
She decided that her tracking skills were probably not up to snuff enough to be successful, so she might as well try using his chakra as a beacon. Correction, she was trying to see if she had any capacity toward sensing like the Sakura of Boruto. She hadn't had a chance to try to feel her surroundings out with chakra yet and this seemed the perfect opportunity.
Her hands easily fell into a ram sign as she focused on the new energy in her body. Then, she tried to expand that. Breathing deeply, she listened to the rustle of leaves, felt the wind on her sweat-slicked skin, and there, somewhere in between her gut and her brain and something else, sat an energy. It coated the bug on the branch beside her in a warm blanket of color. Made the clearing beside the tree line an epicenter of heat, what with Naruto and Kakashi going at it. And, about 15 meters East, another swatch of heat. Nothing was specific, not really. The feeling was more like if you took a heat map and blurred it past the point of visual recognition. The only locational clues became ‘nearer’ and ‘further.’
That was good enough for her. Even though she’d already accepted this new body was physically superior to the other and that now she could do basically magic, it was still shocking to see just how much she could do — especially when she'd just executed something that was out of reach for many of the fellow superhumans around her. She wondered if it was because she was more sensitive to chakra as someone who'd lived a whole life without it. Adult Sakura's sensory abilities seemed to be due to chakra control. This felt... easier than the skill that style of sensing would require. She wasn't complaining, though; on a team full of tanks, she'd take any leg up she could.
She carefully made her way toward Sasuke. She found him, in a tree branch, closer to Kakashi and Naruto by the second. She sprinted faster than she’d probably ever been able to before. Right as she reached him, she grabbed his wrist, stopping him mid-draw at his weapons pouch. He ripped his hands away as he flipped backwards and skidded along the tree branch away from her. Thankfully, he stopped and glared at her before attacking.
“Sorry,” she whispered, holding her hands up in surrender, “that wouldn’t work, though, and it would just give away your location. We need to work together.”
Sasuke scoffed, “Yeah right, you just want my help. I can do this alone”
Sakura shrugged, “You would be helpful. So would Naruto. So would I, in my own way. I think he’s bluffing, is my main point. Graduating two from each team would never add up to 9, and Konoha typically uses 3-man squads. Teamwork is what we’re known for, so why is he pitting us against each other?”
Sasuke just stared at her, chewing on her words thoughtfully.
“So, what do you propose?” He asked, not yet ready to concede.
“Well,” Sakura said, lips quirking wryly, “whaddya say we free Naruto, use those clones of his to our advantage, and have ourselves an Uchiha-style barbecue.”
Sasuke’s eyes widened — whether at her audacity or her lackluster ‘plan’ — but he nodded almost immediately. A small smile pulled at his lips.
“I get the first bell,” he said, swiftly back to business.
“Obviously,” Sakura said, “But I’m confident I analyzed this situation correctly.”
Sasuke nodded. Sakura’s brain must have had quite the reputation if she was able to provide minimal defense for her idea and Sasuke was able to take it at her word. She wouldn’t complain. Maybe it was just that she was a lesbian now and not being attracted to him made her more trustworthy. Which, honestly had to be a little helpful, all things considered
After showing each other the contents of their weapons pouches and sharing their jutsu capabilities, as well as briefly planning out a first-strike plan, they set out.
While Sasuke began to engage Kakashi, she snuck toward Naruto’s trapped position.
“Hey, Naruto,” she whispered at him from the tree branch he hung from.
“Shh,” she hissed when he started freaking out over her sudden appearance, “I have a mission for you.”
Even upside down, he seemed to perk up.
“Whatisit?” He ‘whispered’ back excitedly. It was more like a mumbled shout.
“When I cut you down, I need you to make as many clones as you can and use them to restrain Kakashi-Sensei. Don’t use your real body, Sasuke’s probably going to send a fireball at him and I don’t want you to get in the cross fire. While he’s restrained, there should be a brief moment before Sasuke’s fireball hits where he’ll complete a substitution jutsu. That brief moment is when you need to grab the bells and toss them to Sasuke.”
Naruto nodded, though his brows were more furrowed than she’d have liked, “but Sakura-chan, there’s still only two.”
She shrugged, “You and Sasuke can have them, you’ll be doing more of the combat anyway. Now, are you ready?”
“I’m not passing without you!” he shouted.
“We can figure that out later, you just need to get the bells for now. Can you do that?” she was talking quicker now, wary of their time limit and Sasuke’s ongoing battle with a jounin.
“Believe it!” Naruto replied, hand curling into a fist.
She cut the rope and he fell, flipping before he met the ground in a low squat. Except, he immediately was pulled upside down again in another trap. Oops, she’d forgotten about that.
“Not again!” He shouted, but before he even had time to stop bouncing from the trap’s completion, Sakura sliced him down once more. Sasuke was struggling to hold his own against Kakashi and she needed to make sure he wasn’t put out of commission before their plan could even take shape.
She jumped down from the tree and approached the fight at a wide berth. Naruto had already begun making a horde of himself, but they hadn’t yet reached Kakashi. Kakashi himself had just finished encapsulating Sasuke in earth. Sakura ran toward him and, thankfully, right before she reached their location, Naruto engaged Kakashi, saving Sakura that hassle.
She began to scrabble at the ground surrounding Sasuke’s head with a kunai. Considering neither her nor Sasuke knew any earth jutsu, it seemed like the best solution. He helped by wriggling himself upward and eventually freeing his hands enough to help claw at the earth. The puffs of Naruto's clones disappearing behind them was a taunting reminder of their time limit. But after one last scoop of hard packed dirt, finally, Sasuke was free.
Right as he finished wriggling himself from the hole, with damned-near cinematic timing, 30 Narutos chorused as one; “SASUKE, NOW!”
Sasuke skidded into position, his hands flashing as he signed his fireball jutsu. He inhaled comically loudly, before exhaling bright, red-hot flames at Kakashi’s trapped form. Shouts exploded at the point of impact. Smoke from the fire and the expelled clones erupted from the pile of bodies. An alarm rung. Two bells soared across the air into Sasuke’s outstretched arm.
“Did it work?” Sakura asked as the fog slowly dissipated, revealing a charred log. The air shifted behind her nearly imperceptible.
“No,” Kakashi said from directly behind her head. Before Sakura even had a chance to turn herself to face him, his hand had swung down upon her neck and she crumpled to the ground.
She woke up sore and nauseous. Her vision didn’t seem quite right, either. It was blurry, but mostly confusing. After a few seconds of blinking, she realized that it was because she was upside down. Ah, so she was the dummy this time around. She didn’t remember Naruto being tied up upside down — this felt targeted! Ah, well maybe she just wasn’t remembering it right.
“Good morning, sleepyhead!” A cheery voice said. Kakashi’s face filled her vision, one eye crinkled with false cheer.
“Did we get the bells?” Sakura asked, still somewhat groggy.
"Just after noon," Kakashi answered, tilting his head to the side, "so, no! What were you hoping to accomplish with just two bells, anyway?”
“Huh? Whaddya mean?” Naruto asked.
“Well, if you all three worked to get the bells, but only two of you can pass, who were you planning to send back to the academy?”
“Me,” Sakura answered without hesitation, “I didn’t contribute to the combat as much as Naruto or Sasuke, they deserve it more.”
“WHA- no, Sakura-chan! I won’t let you go back to the academy alone! If you’re going back, so am I!” Naruto yelled, raising one hand in an impassioned fist.
“Hn,” Sasuke said, face turning toward the ground. He seemed pained, but still admitted, “I do not need this team to complete my goal… so if this was mine, I suppose I would want Sakura and Naruto to pass in my place.”
“Hm,” Kakashi said, slouching into a squat, “When you’re on a mission, your lives will always be on the line. It won’t be as low-stakes as it was today. Making a play as an individual is bad for the team and exposes your comrades to unnecessary danger. You might as well kill them yourself.”
The air had gone stale, like the force of Kakashi’s memories had become physical, filling the space around them with the smell of rain dampened soil and blood. He lumbered to his feet and wandered over to the memorial stone as if he was introducing them to an old friend.
“Look at this marker… all the names carved in the stone. Heroes of our village. Ninja.”
“That’s it! I just made up my mind!” Naruto interjected, immune to social cues, “There’s where I want my name to go! I’m not gonna throw my life away, I’ll be a hero — like them!”
Kakashi cleared his throat from that awkward interjection.
“But the ones listed there aren’t just any heroes.”
“What kind of heroes are they? Come on, come on!”
“The dead kind. They died in the line of duty.”
Naruto’s face fell. Sasuke’s eyes flickered across her and Naruto before settling back on Kakashi.
“This is a memorial. It includes the names of my best friends. And, if I teach you well enough, it should stay clear of all your names. For those who fail to follow the rules are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than that! That’s why you three… “
“PASS!” He turned and leaned over them with a one-eyed smile.
“HUH?” Naruto yelled, “But I thought you said only two people will pass.”
“A true shinobi seeks to look underneath the underneath — find hidden meanings within hidden meanings. This task was designed to cause dissension in your ranks. The situation was set up to reveal which of you would set aside your individual interests and work together for the good of the team. Sakura saw through the hidden meaning, but not just that — Naruto and Sasuke, you placed your trust in her. So, from today on out, you are all part of Team 7. Your duties will commence tomorrow at the mission desk.”
Sakura grinned, but the blood rushing to her head made her glad this conversation was finally over.
“So, you can cut me down now, right?”
Sasuke actually jumped to that task himself with a ‘hn’ and only seeming vaguely displeased. Progress.
“Now that that’s out of the way, we can enjoy lunch,” Kakashi said, not even bothering to explain why he so rudely tied Sakura to a tree stump upside down despite passing anyway. Manners were not his forte.
He passed around the bento boxes as they sat in a circle by the stumps. Sakura downed nearly half her water bottle before starting in on the food. Each of their boxes were different. Naruto’s had stir fried noodles with pork, spring onions, and pickled bamboo. Sasuke’s had the same pork and spring onions, but with tomatoes and white rice instead. Sakura’s looked like Sasuke’s but with pickled pale purple orbs instead of tomatoes. If she were to hazard a guess, Kakashi had gone snooping for their favorite foods before he’d made these bentos. She was honestly surprised at the effort. She was tempted to tease him, but was far more focused on getting the food into her mouth at the moment. Too bad Sakura had no idea what her favorite food seemed to be, but she popped one in her mouth anyway.
She was expecting it to be sour, but even the smell of it didn’t prepare her for its fermented funk. It was the most delicious thing she’d ever consumed. She didn’t know if that opinion came from Sakura’s tastebuds or not, but either way, she enjoyed the pickled… somethings with gusto.
“Do you like the food?” Kakashi asked, his bento box empty without them realizing he’d even started eating. Naruto pointed and shouted at Kakashi but everyone had already begun to filter out his constant shouting.
Sasuke’s ears burned red, already done with his tomatoes as he swiveled his head with a ‘tch.’
“It’s delicious Kakashi-Sensei, thank you,” Sakura replied with a smile. Modeling manners might get them to spread to the group through osmosis, right?
“Aa, my pleasure, Sakura,” Kakashi said, patting her on the head patronizingly. She looked up at him with a scowl that seemed to please him more.
“You stalked us to get our favorite foods, didn’t you?” She accused, unwilling to let him get the last win in.
“You wound me,” he replied, “I would never.”
“Just like you’d never be late,” she grumbled.
“Exactly.”
“Slacker.”
“Upstart.”
“Lazy-ass.”
“Ma, don’t you think that’s a little impolite?” Kakashi asked.
“Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be a ninja?” Sakura replied, enjoying the little barbs. Who knew how fun it would be to be a dick to one of her favorite characters? Oh, being a small child again sucked in so many ways, but this? She was living the dream as her brattiest self. She considered canon Sakura to be deceptively bratty as well, so she could think of it as part of her getting into character.
“Now that’s just cruel. Elder abuse is a serious crime,” Kakashi said. Naruto’s head had begun to bounce back and forth between the two like he was watching a tennis match. Sasuke’s eyes tracked them, though he otherwise remained still.
“So you agree that you’re old then?”
“I never said that…”
On and on they went, nagging at each other even when they began walking their little group to each member’s home. If Kakashi didn’t actually teach them, she was confident she could annoy him until he broke down. With Naruto on her side, they would be unstoppable.