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It was almost funny. The more drugs Star took, the less of an effect they had.
Somewhere deep in her subconscious, she was aware that this was probably a sign of addiction. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. Star cared about very little these days, just survival. And she barely even cared about that anymore.
By the time she left Vegas, she had tried everything under the sun. Nothing made her feel anymore, which meant it was time to run until she found a new band-aid for the ever present buzz inside her chest. That ache she was willing to sacrifice everything to soothe, the one that had been present since her parents abandoned her at eleven.
The bus she sat on now was crowded and humid, the air stale with body odor. Star had her walkman blasting, some discount rock tape that still did little to drown out the screaming child behind her. At least the child had a doting mother, which, in Star’s opinion, meant he had nothing to scream about. The folds of her favorite purple skirt stuck to her leg sweat, and her braids weighed heavy on her back. Her first priority when she reached her destination would be a shower, if she could swing it.
Speaking of her destination, Star craned her neck to view the map a teenage boy in a Hawaiian shirt brandished a few rows ahead of her, trying to figure out where she was headed. Whenever she needed to travel fast, she would hide under the seat of a bus overnight, emerging from the back when she was safely on the road. This worked relatively well, the only drawbacks being she didn’t get to pick her destination, and the fact she often received weird looks from her fellow passengers.
The wrinkled map read Santa Carla at the top, drawn in big bubble letters. California. It’d been a while since she’d been back, although she had only ever been farther north. From what she had heard, at least Santa Carla had a good nightlife. She’d blend right in with the summer tourists.
A few hours later, the bus bumped over its last gravel path and parked at a rest stop, dropping its passengers about a mile from the boardwalk. Star tried to ignore the families reuniting around her, picking their loved ones up and loading their packed suitcases into cars. She hoisted her threadbare tote onto her shoulder and, silently cursing her heavy boots, started making her trek in the summer heat. A soft breeze blew through the air, but it did little to relieve the freshly eighteen year old from the sunshine beating down on her.
“Need a ride?” Star looked up to see an older gentleman with chunky glasses leaning out his car window. He looked unassuming enough, but Star had heard many hitchhiking horror stories. She decided quickly that she’d risk being murdered for a reprieve from the heat, and nodded as she crossed to open his passenger side door.
“Thanks.” Star leaned against the cool glass as her savior started the car up again. After the long bus ride, she craved some quiet, but the driver had other plans.
“New to Santa Carla huh? A girl your age, I’m going to guess you’re headed to the boardwalk.” Star gave the man a tired smile and another nod, trying to signify her need for quiet. “I’m Max.”
“Star. The boardwalk would be great.” She turned away from Max and he seemed to finally get the hint. The next few minutes passed in silence, more awkward than comfortable. Star was relieved to see the neon lights of the ferris wheel on the horizon, quickly thanking Max and departing. Dusk had set in, the remaining light casting a faint warm glow over the boardwalk. The scent of weed wafting through the air reminded Star that she was itching for a high.
She stopped in a tourist shop, dousing herself in the sample perfume and buying a cheap cord to tie her braids into a topknot. It would have to do, for the time being. Her priorities were set as she roamed farther down the boardwalk, scoping out the bars. EDM blared and neon flashed from the sketchy fronts, and she picked a dingy, small entrance to an underground club sandwiched between two glitzier ones. The bouncer seemed to be asleep standing up, and she slipped past him with ease.
Music greeted her, so loud it dulled all her other senses. Under the faint glow of neon stars painted on to the ceiling, she could faintly make out a rock band on the stage, but she turned her focus on bumming a joint off a man clearly too old to be in a majority underage bar. A few painful minutes of flirting and letting him feel her up earned her a cup of warm beer as well, which she took as her sign to shake him off. Effortlessly, she disappeared into the mosh pit that had formed on the dance floor, drinking desperately from her cup as she looked for someone in the crowd that might have something stronger.
A song and a half later, Star found herself knocked into someone, and both girls reached out the steady themselves on the other. Star found herself locking eyes with the most gorgeous girl she had ever seen. Her eyes were heavily coated in liner and pink eyeshadow, matching her pink corset dress. Her face was framed with long, bleach blonde hair, and her piercing blue eyes glowed in the neon lights of the bar. She immediately smiled at Star, the corners of her eyes giving the telltale signs of intoxication that Star could recognize anywhere.
“Wanna dance?” The girl slurred out, not waiting for an answer. Star found her hand in the girl’s and she was dragged dangerously close. Not that she was complaining. She tried to match the stranger’s energy, but she was like a firecracker, bouncing up and down with superhuman speed. At one point she practically grinded on Star, who struggled to keep her composure. Sure, Santa Carla seemed more open minded, but she had seen what happened to people like her, even in places more liberal than this. So she just shoved her feelings down deep and kept swaying to the music.
Eventually, there was a break in the music for the bands to change, and the lights flickered on, illuminating the girl’s face, red from exertion. More importantly, Star noticed the dilation of her pupils, a sign she had what Star came here looking for.
“You got a pick me up? I need some energy for the next round of dancing.” Star tried to sound nonchalant, but she could feel her body itching for something stronger than the joint she had earlier. It had been a couple days since her last real high, and the withdraw symptoms were killing her.
“Say no more!” The girl slurred, and once again dragged Star through the crowd with the hand Star only now realized she had been holding the entire time. Outside of the crowd, Star could smell the heavy vanilla scent of the girl’s perfume, as well as the strong scent of tequila on her. She stopped in front of a door by the stage, knocking three times in quick succession. A tall, lean surfer type dude appeared at the door, sweeping up the girl into a messy PDA session. Star looked away, pretending her jealousy was disgust. Which it kind of was.
“Babe, I need some of the good stuff here for my friend…Wait, what’s your name again?” The blonde leaned away from the shirtless man, who was sloppy kissing her neck.
“Star.” The introduction was met with a surprising squeal as the girl in pink jumped up and down, yet again taking Star’s hands.
“SHUT UP! I’m Nova, but my friends call me supernova! You know, like the stars!” Nova shrieked out, and Star found herself suppressing laughter at the energy, “This is so cool! I’ve never met another girl with a name like mine before!”
The cynicist in Star wanted to deny the similarity, but she wished she had a fraction of the girl’s energy, and also really needed a dealer around here, so she feigned the same level of excitement. It seemed to do the trick, as the begrudging boyfriend, whose name she came to learn was Cameron, lead her to a storage room in the back. The racks of equipment and crates of liquor were all pushed to the side, and in the center was a table where another girl and guy were doing lines.
“Who’s this cutie?” The girl, a brunette with a pixie cut and a taste for leather inquired, wiping her nose clean. The boy finished up a minute later, shooting Star a lopsided grin.
“Maria, Wyatt, meet Star!” Nova put her hands on Star’s shoulders, gently shaking the taller girl. “She’s gonna hang with us tonight!”
“You want in?” Wyatt gestured to the remaining two lines on the table. “Cam won’t mind you taking his, he thinks he’s too good for this stuff now.” With that last statement, he crossed to elbow the stoic-faced Cameron in the ribs.
Star, for some reason, hesitated. This was what she’d been craving for the past few days, and she had been in sketchier situations before. Before she could figure out what was stopping her, Nova hooked her elbow over Star’s.
“Cmon, we’ll do it together. Maria used to date the bouncer here, so she’s got some good dirt on him. He won’t say shit.” Nova snorted it like a pro, and the glisten in her eyes afterwards was enough to convince Star to do the same.
“Newbie knows her stuff!” Maria slung an arm around Star, and Nova did the same on the other side. “Cmon ladies, let’s go dance. The boys need some quality time.” Star happily followed, feeling the rush for the first time in a while. Whether that was the drug or the feeling of connection, she couldn’t quite pinpoint.
<3
Star awoke several hours later laying stomach down on the floor, face smushed into an old cushion. There was a dull throbbing at the back of her head, but she had lost the ability to feel hungover a year ago. However, she was dying of thirst, and rolled over only to slam into a familiar body. Maria, mouth open and snoring, dead to the world in the same leather jacket. On a nearby couch lay Wyatt, quieter but visibly asleep.
Attempting to be quiet, Star tiptoed into what she remembered was Nova’s kitchen, passing the multiple bottles of tequila the group had drank after the bar had closed. She tried not to linger too long on the bedroom door, which was open and gave Star a clear view of the hot blonde asleep on top of her boyfriend.
Star poured herself some water after a few minutes of searching for the glasses and stared at the picture on the fridge, one of a much younger, gap-toothed Nova. Child Nova was a brunette, the spitting image of her mother, who sat beside her and a blonde, beautiful dad. The definition of a picture perfect family. Nova had said she had the place to herself a lot because her parents traveled for work. The difference was, it sounded like her parents would always eventually come home. Star could never return.
A creak set Star on high alert and she whipped around to face Nova, looking equally as startled but probably still a little drunk. The most alarming part was that the blonde wore nothing but a lacy pink bra and thong. Star forced herself to look out the window, since she didn’t think she had it in her to look Nova in the eyes in her current state.
Nova stood next to Star, resting her elbows on the edge of the sink and dipping her head and hair into its basin. “Don’ tell Cam,” she mumbled into the steel, “He doesn’ like when I get like this. He thinks I have a,” She pauses to hiccup, but also ponders the right word, “problem.”
Definitely still drunk. Star sets her glass down and focuses on pulling back all of Nova’s hair, which is surprisingly smooth considering the amount of hairspray she must have used. “Well, he’s asleep. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He was probably right, but Star wasn’t in a position to judge right now. The fact the shorter girl felt the aftermath still was probably a point in her favor.
“Thanks.” Nova mumbled, before leaning forward and retching. After a few tries, she was able to expel her stomach contents. They stayed like that for a bit, until Nova was certain she had gotten it all up. She then slid down onto the floor, tears brimming in her eyes. “Sorry.‘M sorry. We jus’ met and you’re already cleanin’ up after me.”
Star froze up for a second. The emotional stuff wasn’t really her forte. But she joined Nova on the floor, rubbing circles on her back as the girl curled up into a ball and cried. “Don’t apologize.” Star finally managed to muster, her voice quiet and a tad uncertain, “I’m just glad you’re ok. And glad I met someone like you tonight.” She was even more taken aback when the crying girl flung herself at Star, hugging her tightly.
“You’re officially like, my new best friend,” Nova choked out, still slurring her words, “You better be staying all summer. You’re one of us now.”
Star felt her cheeks and her heart warm. She had only planned on being in Santa Carla for a week or two, but she supposed she could suck it up and stay a little longer. God, she folded quick. She had a weakness for blondes. “I’ll be here.”
“Good.” This seemed enough to reduce Nova’s sobs to some light tears and hiccuping. After a few minutes of silence, she wiped away the remnants of her breakdown and stood up. “I gotta get back to Cam before he wakes up. Night Star.” The blonde blew her a kiss, turning around before she could see the blush that grew on the other girl’s face. Star watched as the barely clothed Nova walked down the hall, noticing a bruise and some scratch marks adorning her bare back. She’d ask about them later, Star decided, as she headed down the other hall towards the front door.
<3
Star had never been one for attachment, but fate had decided she couldn’t just shake Nova and the gang out of her life. She started running into them everywhere–each bar she slipped into, underneath the pier smoking joints, even just walking along the boardwalk. Every chance encounter ended up with another night of blacking out, and by the end of the month, Star might have even called it friendship.
They were an odd group. Maria was loud and outspoken. She was comfortable with the reputation she had earned for sleeping around, and loudly pointed out her various exes every time they walked past the boardwalk’s working class. She seemed to have no fear, even when sober, which she rarely was. Wyatt was a tad eccentric, but smart as hell. He knew everyone and found a way to sneak them in to even the strictest bars, and always had a secret spot inside to cool down. Star didn’t like Cameron much. She had no idea what held his relationship with Nova together, since he had quit drugs a month prior. He seemed constantly irritated by everything, but loved putting his hands all over his girlfriend even while criticizing her actions.
And then there was Nova. Where to even begin? The girl lived in Star’s mind 24/7, making her feel dizzy and giddy even when she was sober. Which she surprisingly was more often now. Well, maybe not completely sober, but Nova made Star look like a saint with how much that girl consumed. Many nights Star ended up sitting next to her while she puked up her guts or stumbled home at the end of the night, since Cameron couldn’t seem to be bothered to help. Star couldn’t say she minded though. The quiet moments with Nova after the high wore off were some of her favorites, but it made it hard to control her desire for the blonde. Nova’s hands would often intertwine with hers, or one of the girls would touch the other’s face. Star would silently pray that the darkness of the night or bathrooms would cover up her obvious blush and lingering gaze. Nova was probably too drunk to notice anyways. If she did, she never said anything.
That was the scariest thing. Nova wasn’t just smoking hot, she was funny and confident. Her energy was infectious, and she made sure Star was included despite the rest of the group being friends for years. She always helped fix other girl’s makeup in the bar bathrooms, danced to every song (even if she didn’t know it), and was just so alive that she was irresistible to Star, who had been searching for that feeling since she started the drugs. It was easy to forget Nova was high at all. It seemed so real.
Star was doing her eyeliner in the dusty motel mirror. She hadn’t actually been paying for the room, the window was left open and no one seemed to be coming anytime soon. Still, as she slipped out, she made sure to hide her belongings in a tree behind the motel in case someone checked in. She had made plans to go to the amusement park on the boardwalk with her friends tonight, and hastily counted her dwindling cash to make sure she had what she needed. She’d probably have to get a job if she planned to make it to the end of the summer here.
The walk was a pleasant one, mostly a straight shot. The lights of the boardwalk glistened in the distance as Star trudged down the sidewalk, wearing her favorite lace up purple pants and a white corset top. She had wanted to pair it with her once nice jacket, but the air was still a bit too humid for layers. She gently hummed to herself as she searched for Nova. It wasn’t hard to spot the girl, legs straddling her boyfriend’s waist, dressed in her signature skimpy hot pink outfit. After a solid two minutes of making out, Nova seemed to notice the other girl, and jumped down to greet her.
“You look cute!!” Nova greeted Star with her usual tight hug, looking her up and down. Star observed her face was flushed, but she assumed that was the PDA she had just interrupted.
“Bad news” Nova jutted her bottom lip into a pout as she took her place by her boyfriend, “Maria and Wyatt totally bailed. Wanted to see some rock band down by the bluff.”
“They’re missing out,” Cam said, pulling out a bag with little squares, “Jack finally pulled through with the good shit for you ladies.”
Star had only had acid once before, and god it had sucked. The result of that trip had been her sleeping in a ditch in Chicago, narrowly avoiding the cops. She was trying to come up with an excuse to escape a bad trip while third wheeling when Nova pressed her fingers against Star’s lips, their faces inches apart.
“Open up!”
Star couldn’t resist the beautiful blue eyes staring into hers. She obliged, letting Star place the thin square on her tongue.
<3
Regret immediately sunk in as she trailed behind the couple, who were somehow more all over each other than usual despite Cameron’s sobriety. The whirling lights from the rides and shouts from those running the carnival games blended into each other, and Star caught herself stumbling sideways multiple times. It felt like everyone had their eyes on her. Everyone but Nova, the only one she wanted to look at her.
Star was barely aware of the activities of the night, although she remembered a blur of rollercoasters or bumper cars, the popping of balloons, and shrieks of joy from Nova. When her mind finally somewhat returned to her body, she was crammed into a ferris wheel car, sitting across from Nova and Cameron, although it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Nova was on his lap, her lips intertwined with his. Star watched with a combination of horror and intrigue as Cameron moved to kiss Nova’s neck, the blonde beginning to moan a bit. Cameron seemed to take this as an invitation to slip his hand under Nova’s skirt.
Both of them clearly had forgotten Star was there, and she knew she should say something before things progressed. But she found herself, slumped over on the ferris wheel bench, watching, jealousy blooming in her stomach as she watched Nova’s back arch and listened to the soft noises coming from her. Star wanted to be the one making her feel that way, the feeling hitting her suddenly and overwhelmingly. She had her fair of sexual partners, mostly men but, when she was extra lucky, a handful of girls. It had been a while, and her high brain couldn’t hide her desire as she watched the train wreck in front of her. Rather, just watching Nova, how gorgeous she looked even in such a vulnerable position. It took a few minutes before Star tore her gaze away and choked out some incomprehensible words. The pair finally noticed they weren’t alone, immediately flushing and giggling uncomfortably. The awkwardness happened to coordinate with the ride coming to an end, so Star exited the cart as quickly as she could, falling over and regaining her footing quickly as she ran from the scene.
<3
She knew she probably shouldn’t have, but Star got high by herself the next night. Something about the combination of events last night made her break her rule she’d been so good at abiding throughout the past year. Something had to help her tamp down the jealousy that had slowly begun to eat her alive.
In an even worse decision, she found herself wandering to the boardwalk. The cheap weed had done little to calm her mind, and she craved fresh air. She had no destination in mind, but her feet followed a familiar pattern, which she realized as she stopped in front of the bar she had met Nova at weeks before. Star quickly pivoted, dodging all the bars calling her name and heading for the beach.
She dug another joint out of her pocket, sitting in the sand in a shaded corner under the pier. It was nice and hidden from the beachgoers, but through the wood slats she could people watch as she smoked. Surfer boys trying to impress girls by shotgunning beers, half of those girls being impressed at the sad sight. The man who had driven her weeks ago chasing off a group of alternative guys she recognized as the band that played most of the local bars on weekends. Even the seagulls provided entertainment, and she would rather watch them than the too familiar couple walking down by the water, the lean girl in a hot pink bikini. Star stared respectfully, but didn’t plan to make her presence known.
Nova’s voice was louder and lower than usual, protesting. Cameron, slurring his words for the first time since Nova had met him, was begging in a tone that clearly said he wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was clear what Cam wanted, and he offered Nova more and more drugs like it would make her change her answer. Both voices were silenced by the distinct noise of a hand colliding with flesh.
Star had plenty of experiences with that sound. Whether it be her parents fighting after one too many drinks they couldn’t afford, the foster parents with more ‘traditional’ methods of discipline, or the bar brawls started over many a pretty woman, that sound never meant anything good. On autopilot, she found herself running towards the pair, forgetting why she tried to be discrete in the first place.
Cameron and Nova, pupils unsurprisingly dilated from some mind altering substance, stared in disbelief at the sight of Star separating them.
“Leave her alone asshole.” Star put a protective arm out, blocking Nova as she stared the taller man down. Normally, Star would be a lot more nervous, as he was double even her muscular frame. But whatever he had taken had him swaying, and his lack of coordination made her certain this would be a fair match.
“Whatever…” Cameron trailed off, but Star was sure what he was mumbling was a slur as he very slowly swung his hand again, this time at her. Star was more nimble in her current state than Nova, and easily dodged the slow, pathetic attempt at a slap. Sensing an opening, Star shoved the teenager, and, as she suspected, the force sent his already unbalanced form straight into the sand. Star wasted no time in grabbing Nova’s hand and pulling her away from the beach, into her boardwalk hiding spot. The two stood in silence for a minute, catching their breath until Star finally found her words.
“You can do so much better.” Star panted out.
“I know.” Nova’s voice was surprisingly clear.
Star opened her mouth to reply, but she was shocked into silence by Nova pulling her in and kissing her. And not just a quick peck either. Despite the circumstances, it was better than Star had ever imagined. Nova’s lip gloss tasted of cotton candy, and Star greedily bit at the blonde’s lower lip. Nova met this enthusiasm by sliding her tongue between Star’s lips, anchoring herself around the girl’s waist. When they finally broke apart, both girls smiled at each other, flushed red, hearts racing.
“Consider that a thank you.” Nova winked at Star.
A silent conversation passed between them, and they composed themselves as they began the walk towards Nova’s house.
<3
Thus began a routine between the two women. Star practically moved in with Nova, but slipped out before the sun rose every day. They only felt comfortable meeting at night, no matter how secure the location. So, they became nocturnal. They practically were already anyway.
At the end of one night, Star found herself pressed against Nova in bed, dressed in just an old t-shirt. The girls often sat in silence, but it comforted Star.
“I needed them.” Nova broke the silence in a flat tone, picking at her nails.
“Needed what for what…?” Star quipped, surprised by the sudden conversation.
“The drugs. And drinks. And all that jazz.” Nova sat up, pulling her knees tight to her bare chest. “I needed them to pretend I loved him. To let him fuck me. To blend in and pretend like men aren’t just disgusting."
Star sat with that a moment. She had just blindly assumed Nova was bisexual too. But now she did realize that, although she and Nova indulged occasionally, they both were more sober than their typical state since they had first met.
“Same here. Well, I needed them for different reasons.” Star felt her girlfriend’s eyes lock into hers, but she didn’t meet them. Throughout their relationship, she hadn’t shared much. Their friendship had mostly been Nova sharing and not asking, and their relationship hadn’t included much talking up until this point. Nova opened her mouth to say something, and seemed to think for a moment before opening it again.
“What happened to your parents?” Nova asked, pulling Star’s head to rest on her lap.
“No clue.” Star admitted, closing her eyes at the painful memory. “They just packed up and left two days after my eleventh birthday. I never saw them again.”
She remembered waiting for them to come back, the fear of being on her own somehow overwhelming the fear of sharing a house with them. By the fourty eight hour mark, she knew deep in her gut they weren’t coming back. She had heard the horrors of the foster system, and knew that wasn’t an option. So she started running. And hadn’t looked back since.
“Do you ever miss them?” Nova followed up, surprising Star. It wasn’t the reaction she usually got to telling people she was abandoned. Not that it happened often.
“Not really. They chose to leave me. It’s not like they died or anything.” It was what Star always told herself, and at the surface she had convinced herself it was true. But hesitation still lingered under the surface, and she tamped it down like always.
“I don’t miss my parents when they leave either.” Nova let out a hollow laugh. “I know they are like the dream parents, and I should, but I don’t. Life’s just so much better when I don’t have to live for their approval, you know?”
“Yeah I get it.” But Star didn’t get it. She wished she could relate to having parents who actually gave a shit about what their daughter was doing. But it was a feeling she had never known.
The girls settled into silence again, Nova playing with Star’s hair for a bit until pulling her into a long kiss.
“I’m starving.” Nova declared when the two finally broke apart, “Pancakes?”
<3
A few months in, the two girls had gotten so comfortable that they forgot the public hated them for who they were. It was like they existed inside their own SuperStar bubble, and nothing could penetrate it. Stolen kisses when they swore no one was looking, flirty touches, and constant hand holding were staples in their relationship, no matter where they were. It was bound to catch up to them someday. And that day apparently was today, while the girls walked down the boardwalk hand in hand.
“So the rumors are true.” Star and Nova turned to see Maria, her choppy hair much longer and her expression furious. Star’s blood instantly ran cold.
“What rumors?” Nova asked softly, and Star felt her hand drop from the tight grip that held it.
“I heard you slept with her. Jack saw you making out with that freak.” Maria’s face didn’t even bother to hide her apparent disgust. Star’s heart plunged to her stomach. When she had first met the group, she would have pegged Maria as the queer one, if any of them. Apparently her gaydar needed work, because the pixie-cut stereotype was looking at the girls like gum on the bottom of her shoe. “Cam was so good to you. But I guess you’re just the slut the bartenders always said you were.”
Star turned back to Nova, whose eyes were wide and panicked, only for a brief moment. Then her expression morphed to something more stoic and laid back.
“I was high off my ass Maria. You know me. Can’t tell my own reflection from yours when I’m tripping like that. Woke up and didn’t know how to get myself out of the mess I made.” Nova stepped away from a stunned Star towards her former friend, her voice dropping to a low whisper that Star could barely hear, “She definitely wanted it though. Hasn’t left me alone since, the…”
Star knew what was coming next and didn’t bother to stick around to hear it. She didn’t want Nova to see the betrayal in her eyes. She didn’t want to see a potential lack of betrayal in Nova’s. She had turned on Star without a minute's hesitation. Just like the rest. Star should have known she was no different. She was always on her own.
<3
After that day, Star went back to the numbness she hadn’t even realized had disappeared. Every so often, she’d see a flash of pink on the boardwalk, and immediately pumped herself so full of drugs she couldn’t think about the implications of the color. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t move on and back her bags again. Maybe a part of her was still holding on for one more night, where Nova would love her again, even if it came with the bitter sting of rejection in the morning. Even if it was over as fast as Nova had turned on her.
Star wasn’t aware how many nights she spent wandering, the sounds of the waves and the boardwalk blurring together. Many mornings she woke up still high and giddy. The disoriented haze followed her everywhere she went. Nothing felt real anymore, time was just an illusion. Until she woke up, clear minded at last, in a hospital bed, with a bored nurse sitting at her side adjusting an IV.
“Star, right?” She couldn’t look at her nurse, whose beach blonde bob just reminded Star of what sent her spiraling in the first place. She nodded hesitantly.
“Look, I’m gonna be blunt with you kid. I don’t do that sugarcoating shit.” The nurse, whose name tag red Grace, leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “I’ve seen too many cases like yours. Bullshit kids with addiction. It always catches up to you sooner or later. In your case, unfortunately, it’s looking like sooner.” She gestured to a screen on the adjacent wall, displaying medical imagery that Star couldn’t comprehend. Grace saw the blank look behind Star’s eyes and rolled her own.
“That’s a tumor kiddo. A pretty damn big one, too, right in your brain. No doubt helped along by those little habits of yours.” As blunt as her words were, Grace’s face and voice were tinged with a hint of sorrow. “Even if we operate right now, it’s too close to the brain for any guaranteed recovery. A year, tops, if you’re fortunate.”
Grace kept on talking, but Star tuned her out as tears began to form in her eyes. She had always known that her time was short. She had been dealt a shit hand from the get go. But there was something so jarring and brutal about being given a set deadline. It didn’t help how straight to the point Grace had been with it. Star was just another tragic boardwalk kid, like many before her. She certainly wouldn’t be the last.
“Kid? Didja hear me?” Star whipped her head around to face Grace again, her vision going static with the swift movement. A trait she had developed a while ago that made a lot more sense now. “I asked if you got any parents I can call?”
Star shook her head, and actual sadness seemed to cross Grace’s face. “Didn’t think so,” she remarked, crossing over to turn the brain scans off. “I’m assuming you can’t pay for this little visit, so I’m going to conveniently take my lunch break now. Exit is down the hall.” She didn’t glance back before she left. Star honestly thought it was for the better.
<3
Star found herself wandering aimlessly down the boardwalk once again, but this time everything seemed more dull and real. Whether that was finally being sober or having her reality shattered, she wasn’t sure. But the question bouncing around in her tumor ridden brain was: What now?
As she found an outcropping of rocks overlooking the sea, she assessed her options. She could run again. Keep herself high and moving so she wouldn’t have to ruminate on the end until it came. But somehow, she found herself craving to feel reality. Find a new connection to fill the void that just reopened. She wanted to do something with her remaining time, goddamn it, but she didn’t know what the hell to do. Or if she’d have the time to both figure out a purpose and fulfill it. Her soul was just hollow, empty without the drugs and drinks she’d relied on for so long. This realization she had been burying away for years hit her fast and hard. Star sank to her knees and let herself sob.
She sat there for hours, eyes pouring as the sun went down. The waves were violent and angry, crashing almost as hard as her mood. The drone of the ocean was so loud she didn’t hear the figure behind her approach until she heard a low, seductive baritone behind her.
“Care for a smoke?”
Her head whipped around to face the voice, belonging to a young, gorgeous man with platinum blonde hair and a crooked smile. There was something familiar in his eyes and the leather he wore, and Star smiled despite the tears still clinging to her cheeks.
“Cmon, it’ll make you feel better.”
“You’re the singer in that band, right? The one always playing the clubs?” She wiped her eyes and reached up, accepting the cigarette. Couldn’t hurt her now.
“A fan, eh? Love a girl with taste.” The blonde dropped on the rock, so close to Star their arms rubbed against each other. “I’m David.” He stuck out his hand for her, and she shook it delicately.
“I never said you guys were good.” Star responded playfully, wondering how this stranger had miraculously put her mind at ease with a few words and a cigarette. But she knew. She always had a weakness for blondes.
“Damn shame. We could be if we had a pretty girl to sing backup.” David winked.
“Well, I’m available, but I’m a short timer.” She dropped her hand from his and returned his cigarette. “Star.”
“We’ll see about that, Star.” David’s eyes sparkled, staring deep into her soul. Somehow, it wasn’t unnerving. Star fought back a smile as he led her towards the beach, where his bandmates were roughhousing.