Chapter Text
It felt heavy in her hands. Lyse turned it over and over, passed it between one hand and the other, let it warm itself against her skin, ran her fingers along its gaps and ridges. It glittered in the light, shining a brilliant gold across her face. She’d been holding it for bells now. Frozen. In Ala Mhigan culture, presenting a key like this to the person you loved meant only one thing. No going back now. I’ve already made the arrangements. Tomorrow night. I have to ask.
She just wished she could shake the terrible dread that came with that thought.
Lyse tried to remember the last time she’d felt so nervous. Perhaps when Arashi went off to Ultima Thule, to fight and die and live again at the edge of everything. Or perhaps before even that, seeing her off at the edge of Mor Dhona as Arashi left to save their friends’ souls in another world. Or before even then, up on the watchtower, taking off her mask and revealing everything.
Or… Or in the hotel. Emerging from the bathroom in that ridiculous outfit. Telling Arashi Washi, pro-racer and winner of the Limsa leg of the Grand Prix, that she liked her, a whole lifetime later. Yes, definitely that last one. Gods!
The knock on the door to her room came as a surprise, but not nearly as much of one as it would have been several moons ago. With Arashi and now Yotsuyu sharing a bed with her, and Fray – Kasumi – stating her intentions to join them as soon as permitted, Lyse’s life had become a good deal more boisterous of late. Not that she minded. Arashi would always be welcome in Lyse’s heart, and Yotsuyu’s soft-spoken, razor-sharp tongue had its own charms, as Lyse was quickly discovering. Still, Yotsuyu and Kasumi had vanished off into their own room some time ago, and Arashi was enjoying her newfound freedom from her hospital bed by touring the city. The knock came again, louder this time. With curiosity overwhelming her background of dread, Lyse answered the door.
“Ugh, finally! Did you forget?” Alisaie didn’t wait for an answer before forcing her way through the door. “We have plans, remember? One last girls’ night before you finally pop the question? Gods, of course you have. You haven’t changed a bit.”
“I’ve tried not to,” Lyse replied with a laugh, shutting the door behind her friend. “Sorry, just got a little distracted with… Well. You know.”
“Oh, I know.” Alisaie’s smile was crooked as she twirled around, eyes on the gleaming object poking out of Lyse’s palm. “I can’t believe you’re doing this so early! You really must be sure she’s the one.”
“She’s been the one for longer than I can remember,” Lyse murmured, unaware of her soft little smile. “Come on, Ali. You know that already. How many times have I told you?”
“Enough times for me to get thoroughly sick of it,” the elezen responded with a slightly-too-tight smile. “Only you could fall in love with the hero of our star in one life, then go and do it again in the next. Thank the gods she’s not out there with a sword bigger than she is this time, right?”
“Right!” Even if it made some things so much simpler. Scarier, but simpler. “It’s just… Maybe you were right. Maybe I should give this some more time before I… Ugh, no, you are right. I’m going way too fast here! I mean, we’ve barely been dating for a few moons, and even if we did love each other in another life, we-”
Alisaie rolled her eyes with the practised ease of someone who had heard this same doubt time and time again. “Lyse.” The elezen’s hands caught Lyse’s in her own, pulling them upwards. “Look at me, Lyse.” Slowly, so slowly, Lyse forced herself to look up at her friend’s hard stare. “You’re doing it again. Giving yourself reasons to back out when you’re afraid to take the next step.”
“I can’t help it!” Lyse hated the whine in her voice even as she continued. “Nothing I do has ever been good enough! I’m not a genius like my sister or a statesman like my father or a world-class chef like my mother! I’m just me, stuck in their shadows and forced to remember a life where I had everything except them! I’m glad you can’t remember anything about who you used to be, Ali! It would destroy you! Gods know it’s destroying me.”
Alisaie said nothing. She simply pulled Lyse into a tight, unyielding hug. Lyse tried to resist, tried to push her way free, but eventually she simply allowed herself to slump against her best friend.
“I hate that she doesn’t remember me. I hated it right from the start. The most important person in all the world and I was just a stranger. It’s not fair! Why does Kasumi get to be remembered and I don’t? Why does Yotsuyu? I… I just…”
“Does it matter?” Alisaie’s voice was more gentle than Lyse could ever recall. “Because you’re right. She didn’t remember you. But she fell in love with you all the same. Again. Because it’s you, and because you’ve got one thing none of your family could hope to match. You’re the most bloody-minded, determined, stupidly stubborn woman I’ve ever met. And you got her to fall for you when all you wanted to do was let her go and live her life without you.”
Lyse sniffed, squeezing her hand tight around the key in her hand. Alisaie, much though Lyse hated to admit it, had a point. “What if she says no?”
Alisaie’s laughter filled the room. “Lyse, we both know you’re not stupid. Stop pretending you are.”
“But-”
“Of course she’ll say yes. Because you’re going to wine her and dine her and make her understand that no matter what Yotsuyu may have to say, you got there first. She loves you. She’ll always love you.” And then, much more quietly, “Just wish she loved me too…”
“Ali…”
“Don’t. I’ve come to terms with it. I’m her friend and that’s all I’ll ever be. It’s fine. As long as you two can be happy, that’s good enough.” Alisaie finally let Lyse go, giving her a shaky smile and stubbornly brushing away the beginnings of a tear. “Now, come on! I’ve got a place booked at the karaoke bar in barely a bell, and I do not trust Ul’dah’s public transit to get us there on time!”
Lyse paused just long enough to put the key back in its little box before letting Alisaie drag her out of the room and the hotel and all of her doubts. Under the curtain of stars and lamplight, Lyse let herself live.