Work Text:
It's close to midnight as Shiro wanders through the terminal. He's exhausted and sore from his awkward sleeping position on the flight, but he doesn't have much further to go until he reaches where his brother is waiting to drive him home so he walks fast despite how tired he feels. The airport is somewhat crowded considering how late it is, with people flying in from all over to be home for the holidays just like him. But the weaving families and businessmen can't hide the familiar face he sees as he approaches the exit.
The sight of Keith makes Shiro's heart sink into his gut. Ryou hadn't mentioned he'd be bringing their step-brother along to pick him up, so he hadn't prepared to see him yet. He thought he'd have until tomorrow morning at least.
Keith's eyes land on him suddenly and Shiro nearly stumbles from shock of it. He manages to keep from tripping but his legs feel unsteady and weak the rest of the way, unable to fight past his exhaustion now that he's overcome with nerves. He gives Keith a small wave of his hand and a smile once he reaches him, hoping whatever unease he shows can be passed off as jetlag.
"Hey," Shiro greets, not sure what else to say.
"Hey, Shiro," Keith replies, staring at him too sharply, expectant.
"I thought, um... I thought Ryou was coming to pick me up."
"Ryou's here. He drove."
"Oh, okay." They fall silent and stare at each other. The heavy awkwardness stings, but Keith is too unforgiving to make an attempt at small talk and Shiro is a coward, so he quickly adds, "I'm pretty tired after all this flying, I'm ready to get home. You lead the way."
Keith's eyes drop down in disappointment, as if he was ready for Shiro to bring up their last conversation right here in the middle of the airport crowd, but he nods and turns without another word.
They make their way out to the passenger pick-up area and Shiro is a mix of relieved and annoyed to see his brother sitting in their mom's familiar old sedan. Ryou's face lights up as he spots them, hopping out of the driver's seat to run over and give Shiro a tight hug.
"Heyyy, Takashi," Ryou grins, slapping Shiro twice on the arm as he pulls back.
"Nice to see you, too," Shiro says. He catches a glimpse of Keith over Ryou's shoulder, already slipping into the backseat of the car like he doesn't want to be seen with them. It bothers Shiro, but it also gives him an opportunity now that he won't be overheard to ask his brother, "Why the hell is he here?"
His twin looks taken aback, then frowns. "He said he wanted to come, I thought that meant you two were good now. "
"That's news to me," Shiro mutters, glancing at the backseat window. Keith is ignoring them to focus on his phone, looking bored.
"But it's... good news, right? Look, let's just get you home for now and you two can figure out your deal tomorrow."
Ryou gives him a smile and another hard smack on the arm in an attempt to be encouraging. Shiro's only luggage is a backpack so he shoves it down between his feet as he settles into the passenger seat and Ryou starts the car. The radio comes on with it and Shiro is grateful that the car is filled with holiday music instead of heavy silence.
***
Shiro is sixteen when his mother remarries and he meets his new step-brother. He already has a brother, so he thinks he knows what to expect, but Keith is nothing like Ryou and it's less like getting a new sibling and more like a roommate. One who ignores and barely speaks to them when they're in the same vicinity, which isn't very often. The only time he even pretends to show any interest in Shiro is when he uses his motorcycle, the one indulgence his mother allows. He wants to be a good step-brother or at least try, so one day when he catches Keith staring, Shiro invites him to ride together if he wants.
"I don't have a license yet," Keith says. Shiro notes that it's probably the longest sentence he's said to either him or his twin in the time since their family started living together.
"I didn't say I'd let you drive it," Shiro says, smiling a little. "Just ride with me sometime."
Keith stares at him, eyes narrowed as he's not sure how genuine the offer is, which surprises Shiro. He's not sure what he's done to earn such distrust, but Keith shrugs after a few more moments and says, "Okay."
He grabs the spare helmet without prompting and Shiro hadn't expected him to want a ride right that second but he's not going to turn him away.
"Where are we gonna go?" Keith asks, fumbling to tighten the straps. Shiro steps closer and gestures at it, offering to fix it for him, and Keith drops his hands to let him. He's finding Keith more and more fascinating by the moment, how someone so prickly can switch so easily into being completely at ease.
"I was just going to drive you around the neighborhood, but if you want to go somewhere specific, we can grab lunch?"
"Sure," Keith says when Shiro steps back, his helmet properly secured. Shiro watches Keith's eyes drop back to the bike, wide and bright with interest, and he wonders why Keith is so excited about getting away from the house.
"Do you not like living here?" he blurts, wincing once he's said it. But Keith doesn't look upset by the question. Instead he just looks confused.
"It's... fine. Why?"
"You just..." Shiro flounders, pointing at the bike, "seem so eager to get out of here."
For the first time, Shiro sees Keith look somewhat embarrassed. "I've always wanted a bike. I'm not eager to leave or anything, I just want my license but I have to wait for my birthday, and mom says I have to keep my school attendance up or she won't sign me up for driving lessons."
Shiro stares at him, then has to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. "Attendance problems, wanting a bike, that jacket you always wear, the attitude... Did you have a crush on James Dean, too?"
Keith jerks hard and his face starts to redden, but as he opens his mouth to maybe deny it, he pauses. Then, with sudden understanding, he stares wide-eyed at Shiro.
"C'mon," Shiro says, still chuckling. He gives Keith's helmet a soft pat before he slides onto the seat of his bike. "Let's go get some lunch."
Over burgers and fries, Keith answers every question Shiro asks and it's a wonder he ever found him prickly at all. He's open and honest, just very blunt about it. When he asks why Keith has been avoiding him and his brother, he discovers Keith was just nervous about mixing them up and ended up staying out of their way to keep from embarrassing himself. Shiro gives him the simple tip to watch for their hands—they're both ambidextrous but Shiro favors his right while Ryou always uses his left.
"Why does he do that?" Keith asks. He takes a long drink from his soda and keeps his eyes on Shiro's hands with an intensity that makes Shiro's skin feel abnormally warm.
"I don't know," Shiro says after a few seconds, needing to shake himself back to the present for some reason. "I think he just does it to be contrary."
"And what about you?"
Those eyes snap back to his face and the heat on his skin burns inward, making his whole body hot. "I-I don't know, either," Shiro stutters and gives a small shrug. "I just stick with what I'm used to, I guess."
"Afraid of changing things up?"
Shiro laughs to avoid answering. "Maybe I'm just lazy."
After a few more questions and answers, Shiro drives them back home, but the warmth of Keith's hands sear against his stomach in a way they didn't before and Shiro doesn't quite know why.
***
Driving home from the airport takes less than an hour, but none of them say much. Shiro even nods off for a while, and when he wakes up, he hears Ryou and Keith talking quietly above the current song and keeps his eyes shut as he listens.
"Well what did you expect? You ambushed him."
"I don't know," Keith says angrily, trying and failing to keep his volume to a whisper. "I thought by now— Whatever. I knew you'd take his side."
Ryou sighs, and even with his eyes closed, Shiro knows the exact face his brother is making. A mix between patient and regretful that he's involved himself at all. When it comes to dealing with Keith and Shiro's problems, he's made it a lot. "I'm not taking his side. The only 'side' I'm on is the 'you two are being idiots' side."
Keith is quiet for a long time. "If he hates seeing me so much why'd he even come home this time?"
"You know that's not what it is," Ryou says quickly.
"How the hell am I supposed to know that?" Keith asks, voice bitter. It makes Shiro's gut squeeze with guilt and he wishes Ryou would explain for him, but the car comes to a stop and the engine shuts down as they reach the garage and he knows it's not Ryou's job to talk this mess out in his place. Shiro listens to the backseat door open and slam shut as Keith storms into the house but doesn't open his eyes, still pretending he's asleep.
A few seconds later Ryou shakes him roughly and Shiro squawks in surprise, glaring over at his brother.
"I'm awake, jeez."
"How much of that did you catch?"
Shiro knows there's no point in trying to lie. "Just the last minute or two. So he talks to you now that I'm no good, huh?"
Ryou rolls his eyes and gets out of the car instead of answering. Shiro grabs his bag and follows, but Ryou stops before opening the door into the house.
"Keith had his turn, so now it's yours: you're an idiot. He's never treated us as interchangeable and you know it, so don't start pitying yourself about not being his confidant anymore as if you didn't blow us all off for over a year."
Shiro bites down on the rebuttal he wants to make and follows Ryou quietly into the house. His mom and step-mom are asleep and Shiro knows they'll give him a proper greeting in the morning so he doesn't feel bad making a beeline for his bedroom after Ryou wishes him good night. Since packing for college had begun before he decided he wouldn't be coming back home for any of his things, Shiro had taken only some clothes and his important things like laptop and phone, so most of his stuff is still there when he walks in. He's too tired to reminisce with any of it though and collapses on the bed, falling asleep almost the moment he hits it.
But with his body clock still unadjusted to the new time zone, along with all the napping he did, Shiro finds himself wide awake only a few hours later. He rolls over again and again, trying to get back asleep, but finds himself unable to do it as minutes tick by. Hunger pains start to hit him, his stomach empty except for a few tiny airline snacks, so he decides to give up on sleep for now and quietly tiptoes out of his room to head towards the kitchen.
He hasn't been home in what feels like ages, but moving around the kitchen is as easy as if he'd never left at all. Shiro grabs a bowl from the familiar cupboards and pours himself the same brand of cereal his mom's been buying for twenty years, leaning against the counter as he inhales it. The sky is still pitch black outside and Shiro wonders if he'll be able to nap again before sunrise. He doesn't turn on the TV to keep from making too much noise and waking anybody else up, but that leaves him with nothing to keep him occupied while he eats.
So, immediately, his thoughts turn to Keith.
They've shared less than thirty words after over a year of being apart and already he feels unsatisfied and desperate for more despite how long he managed to keep himself away before this. He's missed Keith. Even with the awkward air between them and the anger Keith feels that Shiro knows he deserves, Shiro feels at home after seeing him again. He's missed his family, too, but Keith has always felt different than family. That's been the whole problem.
But for all that he's relieved to see Keith again, he's still a coward.
His thoughts are interrupted by the soft sound of a door opening down the hall, followed by footsteps. His whole body tenses and sure enough, it's Keith who steps into the kitchen, pausing to give him a blank look before continuing past him without a word. Shiro watches him go, eyebrows furrowing when he realizes Keith is fully dressed with the pair of motorcycle gloves Shiro had given him in his hands.
Shiro listens to the door to the garage open and shut and stays frozen in place until he hears the engine of Keith's bike spark to life. He abandons his bowl of cereal and rushes to the garage to chase after him.
"Keith!" he hisses, struggling to not raise his voice too loud and wake the rest of the house but still be heard over the rumble of Keith's bike.
Already pulling his helmet on, Keith doesn't look at him as his muffled voice asks, "What?"
"Is it even five in the morning yet? Where are you going?"
Keith does look at him then and Shiro takes a step back without thinking. Instead of answering, Keith drops his eyes to something behind Shiro and Shiro follows his gaze to find a spare helmet sitting against the wall.
Shiro knows immediately where he's inviting him to go, but he shakes his head. "I can't go with you. I haven't even said hi to our parents yet. They know I came back last night, but if they wake up and I'm not here..."
"Fine," Keith says, trying for casual, but Shiro knows him too well not to hear the anger there.
"You don't have to leave," Shiro says, looking down at his bare feet. The cold cement floor is freezing but he can't let Keith go thinking that he can't be at home because Shiro is there. "I'll take them out for breakfast or something, I'll stay out of your way and—"
"Shiro, I'm not leaving because you're here," Keith interrupts. Shiro brings his eyes back up and sees Keith looking at him strangely, like he's not quite sure who Shiro is in that moment. He knows he should've expected that kind of distance after so much time apart, but it stings in a way he's not prepared for. Keith blows out a breath and turns his focus to pulling his gloves on. "It's because of everyone else being here. I don't want to deal with making small talk and pretending there's nothing else you need to say to me just because you're scared of what our parents think."
"Keith, that's not—"
"What? Not fair?" Keith interrupts again, and this time he doesn't bother hiding his anger. "I can't imagine how that feels."
He revs the engine and flips down his the visor of his helmet as he hits the remote to open the garage door. Shiro steps back and says nothing.
"You know where I'll be," Keith shouts as he hits the gas and drives away. Shiro is left staring out into the dark morning, shivering hard. Even after he finally snaps back to himself and closes the garage door and heads back inside where it's warm, he finds he can't stop shaking.
***
Shiro is seventeen when Keith stops calling him by his first name. It's a small change, and one he normally wouldn't notice since he's used to being called Shiro by most everyone anyway. But they've spent so much time together getting closer that it feels weird when Keith suddenly stops one day.
"Did you get in a fight?" Ryou asks, poking at his neck from behind him. They're sitting around under the large table umbrellas by the food stands to keep out of the sun for a while. Their moms are still riding out on a paddle boat between various children and teenagers swimming around while Keith is just kind of drifting, looking bored. Shiro swats at his brother to make him stop, already feeling the sting of a light sunburn and not appreciating getting it agitated. But Ryou's noticed the change too and Shiro's relieved he's not alone in finding it strange.
"I don't... think so," Shiro says and tries to think of something that could've happened recently, but they've never really fought before.
"You two moon over each other so bad, I didn't think it was possible," Ryou says with a snort. Shiro looks away from where Keith has taken a seat on the dock to kick his feet in the water to give his twin a hard glare. Ryou smiles back at him while he takes a big bite of his ice cream, unfazed. "Don't look at me like that, everyone knows it. Mom teases you about it all the time, too. 'Little ducklings, imprinting at first bike ride.'"
"Whatever," Shiro grumbles, getting up to head back down to the water. He normally has no trouble ignoring Ryou's teasing but he feels a wave of not-quite guilt pass through his gut, making him grimace, but when he reaches the dock and Keith looks up at him and his whole face brightens, Shiro can't fight the way he has to smile back.
Keith slaps Shiro with a piece of seaweed he'd grabbed from the water as Shiro sits down to join him and Shiro makes a face before bumping their sides together.
"Hey," he starts, suddenly feeling nervous. Keith looks at him the same as he always does, his face openly showing his interest. Shiro looks down at the water and the distorted reflection of their feet in the ripples. "Did I make you mad about something?"
"No," Keith answers easily. "Why?"
"You've been calling me Shiro today. Instead of Takashi."
Keith is slower to respond this time, and instead of explaining why, he asks, "Does it bug you?"
Shiro frowns and kicks at the lake lazily, because it does, but he's not sure why. "It's not weird to call me that, lots of people do," Shiro says instead of answering.
"Like your friends," Keith says, and Shiro finally looks back up. Keith is watching him, as if waiting for confirmation of something. Shiro nods because it's true, all his friends call him that, and he's surprised by the look of satisfaction on Keith's face before he slips off the dock and into the water. "And we're friends," he adds, running a hand through his wet hair, "so I figured I would, too."
"Okay," Shiro says, because he can't really argue with that and he doesn't want to make it a big deal. Realizing they've never had any big fights before has him nervous about accidentally starting one. "As long as you aren't mad at me."
"Nope. If I was mad I'd just do this," Keith says as he grabs a hold of Shiro's ankle and tugs with all his might, pulling him into the cold water right on top of him. Shiro sputters and laughs as he splashes at Keith in retaliation before Keith swims away, leading him on a lengthy chase around the lake.
He adjusts to Keith calling him Shiro pretty quickly over the rest of the summer since he's so used to hearing it elsewhere, but he can't dislodge the disappointment he feels in his gut whenever Keith does it for a long while after.
***
"I need a favor."
Ryou's eyes narrow up at him, already knowing exactly what Shiro wants. After their long reunion this morning, their moms have surprised him with the news that they've invited over a bunch of family friends for an evening holiday party that'll also celebrate his return, but Shiro knows he can't stay.
"That trick hasn't worked on mom since we were ten. And I'm not the one who's been gone for a year, what am I supposed to tell everybody when they ask me what I've been doing?"
"I've told you enough about it! I emailed you like every week!"
"Takashi, c'mon," Ryou sighs, rubbing his temples, but Shiro can already see him starting to give. "Can't you do this thing with Keith tomorrow? Or any other day when the house won't be filled with forty people all wanting catch up with you?"
"I don't know that he'll wait for me anymore."
Ryou snorts. "I sure as hell wouldn't."
"Yeah, me either," Shiro says with a soft laugh, trying to cover the very real fear that Keith will have run out of patience. Not that Shiro deserves it after running away so blatantly and for so long.
"I'm pretty sure he'll wait as long as it takes," Ryou says, looking at him seriously for a moment. But it quickly drops away back into feigned indignance as he rolls his eyes theatrically, "But I know you can't, so I guess I'll do it. But you owe me. Like, forever. And mom's gonna kill me for it when she notices, and then she'll kill you when you get back, so prepare yourself. I will still cash in on this debt in the afterlife."
Shiro laughs and grabs his twin for a tight hug. "Thank you. Enjoy the party, 'Takashi.'"
"Ugh. Hasn't even been a day and already you two are disappearing together like always," Ryou mutters while shaking his head. Shiro laughs, but the complaint gives him some comfort. Maybe things haven't changed too much after all.
The place Keith is waiting for him is the same old, abandoned shack they'd found together years ago. It's miles out of town so the drive takes a while, and with it being winter, the sun is already starting to set by the time Shiro pulls up to it despite it still being the afternoon. There's no garage or driveway, and the 'road' to get up to the shack can barely be considered one, so Shiro parks as soon as he gets close, anxious to get inside and find Keith.
He jogs to the door, regretting not grabbing more than a light jacket with how cold it'll get and a lack of heat or electricity out here, and knocks. Then he frowns at the door knob and opens it without waiting for it to be answered, but Keith isn't inside. Shiro steps in anyway, letting the door close behind him, and looks around since it's been a while.
Unlike his bedroom back at the house that had been left untouched, the inside of the shack is drastically different. Together, Keith and Shiro had cleaned it up and made it a decent space to hang out in the more they used it, occasionally bringing by new things to keep occupied, but now it looks fully lived-in rather than visited. Somehow Keith has gotten electricity to work around here, and Shiro's not sure how since he didn't see a generator, but there's a strip of outlets along the wall and a laptop sitting on the cot they had snuck out of the house and brought here one night. Next to the cot is an electric heater, and some books on the floor that Shiro remembers reading here before.
The walls are covered in photos compared to before when they were all bare, and Shiro realizes upon stepping closer that some of them are of him and Keith, but most are of the desert around the shack. Weird patterns in the rocks and gorgeous sunsets, shadows that make suggestive shapes and a few snapshots of birds. It makes Shiro smile, knowing Keith's kept up his weird hobbies without him.
The door opens and Shiro turns around to see Keith stumbling in. He goes still when he sees Shiro and only closes the door after a long silence when Shiro finally says, "It's kinda chilly."
"You came," Keith says, and Shiro's disappointed by how surprised Keith sounds about it.
"Yeah. You— um. How'd you... get the electricity?" Shiro asks, wanting to kick himself.
"It's a long story but I got access to some solar panels. You can't tell anybody."
"Ah," Shiro says, trying to hide his smile. "You're stealing it."
"Just a little bit. Anyway," Keith says, walking away from the door. He moves past Shiro and heads straight for the heater to turn it on. "I didn't expect you to show up today."
The smile falls off his face and Shiro looks away, focusing on one of the photos he recognizes. The back of Ryou's head is in the foreground but Keith and Shiro are both posing with popsicles in hand on a hot summer day. His mom had taken it, and later that day she'd taken another one of Keith asleep against Shiro's side while he watched tv. He'd taken a copy of that photo with him when he left home, though he hadn't been brave enough to look at it.
"How long were you planning to stay out here?" It's not quite the question he means. "Even with that heater, it can't be too great staying in this shack all night."
"As long as it took," Keith says. After a moment Shiro feels Keith's fist knock against his elbow gently and he turns his eyes back to look at him. The open relief in his face, like he really didn't expect Shiro to come at all, makes Shiro's chest squeeze.
His body moves without thought, slowly stepping forward with his arms spread open, until Keith is pressed close against his chest. He feels Keith's hands slide up his back, returning the hug, and it makes him shiver.
"It's good to have you back."
Shiro squeezes his arms tight just a bit longer before letting go. "It's good to be back," he says honestly. He looks down at Keith sadly for a moment before admitting, "I didn't think you'd be happy to see me, though. That's... kind of why I stayed away so long."
"I thought that was because you decided to hate me."
"No, Keith, I could never do that," Shiro says, wanting to grab hold of him again. He settles for just a hand on Keith's shoulder, but his fingers squeeze over his jacket hard. "I never hated you or felt angry at you... I'm sorry I let you think I did."
Keith glances at Shiro's hand on his shoulder and shrugs. "I don't know if I forgive you yet. You just shut me out and ran." Shiro flinches and starts to pull away, but Keith grabs his wrist to keep him there. "But I never hated you, either. I thought you coming home meant you finally figured out what you wanted. Or did you just think you wouldn't have to deal with me because I'd stay away now that I'm in college, too?"
"I came because I wanted to see you," Shiro says quickly, not wanting any more confusion between them. "I wasn't sure you'd be happy about it or if you'd be ready to listen yet, but... I have an answer for you. "
"I've been ready to hear it since the beginning."
That makes Shiro's eyebrows raise a little. "You sound... confident. What if it's an answer you don't want?"
Keith shrugs and folds his arms across his chest, letting Shiro's hand go to fall back to his side. "I think I know you well enough to be confident." Shiro laughs at that, a warmth blooming in his chest that he hasn't felt once in the year and a half he's been away.
***
Shiro is eighteen when he falls in love with Keith. Or really, that's when he stops being able to deny it to himself. He nearly kisses Keith one afternoon at home when he flops down on the couch next to him and leans against his side, the atmosphere between them feeling so natural that Shiro moves without thinking. It's a sudden, painful moment where he feels like he's been dropped from a great height into icy water and left to scramble back to the surface for air when he realizes what he's about to do. The hard lurch he makes to stop himself from going through with it doesn't go unnoticed.
"Shiro?" Keith asks, eyebrows knotting together in confusion.
The hand he'd been lifting to touch Keith's face is hovering in the air beside them and the moment Keith's eyes glance over to look at it, Shiro squeezes it into a fist and pulls it back to his chest in a rush.
"You had— I thought— In your hair," Shiro stammers. He's never been any good at lying and Keith is looking at him strangely, not sure why Shiro is trying to do it now. Abruptly, he stands and leaves the room. He feels dizzy with the hard shock of how badly he still wants to kiss Keith even after he's gotten his senses back. He's torn between wanting to go back and try to brush it off like nothing's wrong and running for the garage to grab whatever keys are closest and flee until he can think straight.
He doesn't make his decision quick enough before Keith is there in the hallway with him, tugging him by the sleeve into his own bedroom. The lights are off and the room is cool despite the heat of the day as Keith kicks the door shut gently while pulling Shiro in for a kiss.
Despite years worth of time spent alone together and all the opportunities, this is the first time they've come together like this. Keith's tongue is soft against his own, tasting of blueberry popsicle. Shiro's hands squeeze around Keith's arms, wanting to pull him closer, before he hears his step-mom call their names, asking to help with some groceries. He shoves Keith away with his hold on him and they stand there blinking at each other in the dim light.
"You feel it, too," Keith whispers, sounding hopeful.
But Shiro shakes his head. He wants to say no, no, you're wrong but the lie won't come. "Keith, this— we— We can't. We can't," he says instead, but it takes long, painful seconds before he can will his fingers to ease and pull away from Keith's skin.
He leaves the room and moves like a machine, jerky and automatic as he helps his step-mother bring bags of food from the car to the kitchen. Keith appears only after they've finished hauling everything in and gets a light teasing from his mother about summer vacation meaning a break from school, not from chores. Shiro risks taking one quick look at him and sees Keith watching him sadly before he turns and runs, finally making his decision and grabbing the keys for his bike.
The last few weeks of summer go by and Shiro spends very little of them at home, crashing at friends' houses. Some of them ask why he's suddenly showing up again when he's usually gone all summer with his step-brother, and Shiro withers a little more each time he has to answer. The last he sees Keith is the night before he leaves for college. Keith comes to his room and Shiro lets him in, the sadness and pity he'd shown before replaced with anger that gets stronger with every moment that Shiro fails to look him in the eyes.
"Why are you so determined to pretend like I'm your little brother now?" Keith demands.
"Keith," Shiro sighs, trying to keep his voice down, "You are my—"
"No I'm not!" Keith interrupts and Shiro's heart starts to hammer. "You were going to kiss me—you did kiss me—and I wanted you to. So what are you running away from?"
It's the wrong question to ask, because Shiro doesn't know. There are too many things, too many reasons to not let this happen, but they're not enough to paralyze him with fear like this. It's something bigger that he can't name, and so he says nothing and Keith storms over to shove at his chest.
"What are you so damn afraid of?"
He's saved from answering by a knock on the door. Ryou's finished loading his things in the car and asks him when he wants to leave the next day. Shiro takes the chance to escape the conversation and promises Keith they'll talk about this later.
But he leaves the next morning for his first semester at college with only a short goodbye to Keith, ignoring the knowing looks his twin keeps shooting him the whole trip. He doesn't come home for any holidays, telling his parents he wants to focus on studying and adjusting to life on campus and when summer break hits, he's offered a spot on a program overseas with one of his professors. He takes it immediately, still not ready to go back. But while he's abroad, he writes a message to Keith almost every day, always getting stuck when he tries to type an answer to that last question before erasing the whole thing.
***
"Shiro?" Keith prompts when Shiro stays quiet for too long.
Shiro sucks in a breath and holds out his hand between them. Keith takes it easily and lets Shiro lead them over to the cot to sit down. Keith pulls his feet up onto the cot and holds Shiro's hand in his lap, leaning against Shiro's side the same way he's always done. The heat between them warms Shiro much faster than the space heater in the corner and he feels his palm start to sweat a bit, but Keith won't let him take it back.
"Do you remember when you stopped calling me by my first name?" Keith nods beside him, but Shiro has his eyes trained on their hands so he doesn't see what face Keith is making at him. "It scared me. I didn't think about it like this at the time, but it was like you were pulling away from me."
"Shit. That's not what I meant," Keith says quietly, sounding frustrated with himself.
"No, I know." Shiro takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. "But I loved you. I wouldn't admit it then, but I did, and from the beginning I tried but I was bad at pretending to be a brother, and then when you weren't going to pretend to be one either it was like a countdown to losing you. To what, I don't know. To our parents finding out or you changing your mind or whatever. Maybe it's because my dad split on us out of the blue but I always thought you can't divorce your siblings, so if I kept being your brother, then I couldn't lose you to anything."
Keith is quiet for a while, and the silence sucks all the warmth out of the air and Shiro struggles to keep from shivering. But he keeps watching their hands where Keith's thumb strokes down the side of his palm over and over again, and he hasn't let go yet. He lets that thought keep him calm as he waits for Keith to speak.
"But then you left." His voice only shakes a little, but it's startling enough to hear that Shiro turns his head to get a good look at Keith's face. He's not in tears, but he looks just as dejected as he had been after their short kiss. Shiro's gut flips unpleasantly at the memory, and at hurting Keith again now. He presses his side closer to Keith's and squeezes his fingers where they're tangled with Keith's in his lap.
"I told myself that leaving before things really changed meant they would have to stay the same, but I was just being a coward. And then I stayed away because I didn't know what we were going to be when I came back, and I still don't, actually."
That brings Keith's eyes up slowly until he's staring at Shiro, wide-eyed with sharp interest.
"I think it's only fair if it's up to you, what you want us to be," Shiro says, glancing down at Keith's lips as they part, "but first, I want you to know I'm in love w—"
He doesn't get to finish before Keith kisses him, uncoordinated and rushed and smashing into his mouth a bit too hard, but Shiro's whole body feels light and giddy with it. Their fingers untangle so they can each grab a hold of the other, Shiro's hand finding Keith's cheek while Keith's grabs a hold of Shiro's shirt, as if ready to hold him back from running away again. But Shiro doesn't want to be anywhere else. He's happy to stay in this cramped old shack with just a space heater and Keith to keep him warm all night, as many nights as Keith wants.
"That is what I've been ready to hear," Keith says, out of breath when he pulls away.
"You didn't even let me finish," Shiro says, a bit incredulous. He'd been waiting all this time to finally gather the nerves to say it, and he got interrupted.
"Then say it again," Keith challenges.
"I love you," he says, and it seems strange now that it had ever been difficult to admit it before.
Keith's face starts to turn pink and he drops his forehead to Shiro's shoulder to hide it. "Waiting until spring break to see you after this is going to suck."
Shiro bursts out laughing and gets his arm punched affectionately for it.
"I think we'll make it."
***
Shiro is nineteen, soon to be twenty, and he knows there are quite a few things that he and Keith still have to address. But Shiro's not interested in running from them anymore, and whatever changes he's too afraid to face, he knows Keith will be there with enough courage to make sure they both get through them.