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Five minutes into the documentary, Noel starts hyperventilating. Watching it in the confines of a studio was already one of the hardest things he's done in his life, but this… This is at another fucking level of madness. It's all too much. A bead of sweat rolls down his neck and under the T-shirt at the thought that everyone will see his mask of cool indifference slip — on the screen and here in this room. My oh my, Noel Gallagher has gone soft. Noel Gallagher isn't this stone-faced rock star genius we thought he was. Noel Gallagher is just a man.
"You all right?"
A soft, slightly hoarse voice in his ear. His little brother. Always so attuned to his mood. Always knowing what's happening without words.
"Not really," Noel whispers with a nervous laugh.
He doesn't know what he feels anymore. Other people's eyes on them make him want to dissipate into the air. But then there's Liam. His presence is a warm, solid weight against his side. When the lights went off, Liam lifted an armrest between them and pulled him in — into his body heat, his heady scent, and Noel doesn't ever want to move. All he needs is to melt into him and stay like this forever.
A gentle touch of lips on his temple, a light brush of a nose against his forehead.
"It's gonna be just fine, our kid," Liam says in a soothing tone. "You're gonna be all right."
"Yeah," Noel exhales, pressing even closer to him and resting his head on Liam's shoulder, all eyes on them be damned.
*
Halfway through the film, Noel can't hold back tears anymore. It hadn't felt quite this overwhelming when it happened in real life. It was a process, a painful but rewarding journey back to himself. And now it all is compressed into 122 minutes and goes through him like a bullet through the heart. God, he feels melodramatic. He chuckles wetly at the thought and glances at Liam.
The kid seems at ease, but Noel knows better. He sees all the emotions boiling inside him in the deepening creases at the corners of his eyes, in his heavy, shaky inhales, in the white knuckles of his fingers.
Noel takes Liam's hand slowly, covering it with both palms.
"Hey, kid," he mouths against the damp skin of his neck. "Relax a bit, yeah? Come on, man."
Liam looks back at him and gives him a small smile. In this moment, Noel wonders whether the break-up could've been avoided if he'd reassured Liam more, if he'd supported him more instead of mocking his insecurities.
Liam unclenches his fist and laces his fingers with Noel's.
"A bit heavy, this," he confesses with a shy nod, and Noel wishes they were alone. The urge to kiss him right here is too strong to handle.
He indulges himself, pressing his lips to Liam's collarbone and squeezing his knee briefly.
"Just a little bit more, our kid," he says with a sniff. "We're almost there."
*
As the film nears its close, Noel reluctantly straightens up and lets go of Liam's hand. Contrary to his expectations, these two hours have flown by faster than a cannonball (ha-ha), and suddenly, the credits are about to roll. So he goes through the motions, checking off the list mentally. Smooth out the wrinkles on his shirt — done. Fix his hair — done. Wipe away the tears, compose his face into something more or less neutral — all done. Right.
Just as he takes a long, steadying breath, he senses a shift beside him. With a sigh, Liam puts his sunglasses back on and lowers the armrest between them. Although these are logical things to do, they leave a sour taste in Noel's mouth. It feels like taking a step in the wrong direction, like moving back to square one. He can't have that, not today.
"Hey kid," he says in Liam's ear, invading his space once again. "Fancy coming to my room tonight?"
Liam turns back to him swiftly, a corner of his lips lifting in a playful smirk.
"A private afterparty, eh?" he quips, and Noel laughs like it's the funniest joke he's ever heard.
"If you want," he replies with a brief head tilt.
Liam holds his gaze, magnetic even behind his glasses. He licks his lips and smiles at him, sweet and open and happy. The way he used to smile at Noel at five, fifteen, and twenty.
"Deal."
*
Noel has barely had time to take a shower and throw a bathrobe on before there's a knock on his door.
"Looking cute, Noely G," Liam comments, walking inside with a bottle of red.
"What happened to the 'my body is a temple' mantra?" Noel asks with fake shock, taking the bottle from him and heading for the small kitchenette to find a pair of glasses.
"Nothing. But we're in Italy. I'm allowed one little sin, innit?"
"Really?" Noel says, rising on his tiptoes to fetch the glasses from the top shelf.
When there is no reply, he turns around — only to find Liam much closer to him than he anticipated.
"Looking really good, our kid," Liam breathes out and shifts until they're pressed together, the counter edge digging into Noel's lower back.
They're finally alone. He puts the glasses onto the counter and studies Liam's face in the dim golden light. The kid is pretty. How can he be this pretty at almost 54? He traces his fingertips along his brows and cheekbones, his jawline and throat. He knows this path by heart, and yet every time it feels a bit different.
"Eager, are we?" Noel chuckles, sliding his palms over Liam's shoulders, the expensive fabric of his suit jacket smooth under them.
"Couldn't wait," Liam grins bashfully, leaning into Noel's touch. "Had to promise Debbie I wouldn't be long, though. She's worried I'll get too little sleep."
"Oh, you princess. Don't waste time then," Noel urges, choosing to ignore the small pang of irritation at the mention of someone almost as important to Liam as he is.
The kiss starts mellow — chaste pecks, quick nips on a bottom lip. Still, even something so small sends Noel's blood rushing south. He's been dreaming about it all day, feeling giddy at the thought that everyone sees how they look at each other with clear desire and adoration. He wanted to flaunt his kid to make everyone jealous, and they were — they were jealous all right. With these memories playing in the back of his mind, Noel spreads his legs and draws Liam even closer until he towers over him — his big little brother who makes Noel feel small in the best way possible.
A weak whimper escapes him when Liam probes his mouth open and deepens the kiss with dizzying fervor. Under the sure strokes of his tongue, Noel's insides turn into a hot mess, greedy for every one of Liam's touches. Time stops, and the room disintegrates. The only thing that matters is the points where their bodies meld together, the soft flesh of Noel's chest and stomach yielding to Liam's hard, toned torso. To this day, Noel can't understand how he'd lived without it for so many years. No wonder he eventually became only a shadow of himself.
Pausing to breathe, Liam rests his forehead against Noel's and beams at him, his full lips obscenely red and glistening.
"So far so good, our kid?" he says huskily, staring into Noel's eyes with the joy of a kid who's just got his first Christmas present.
"Yeah," Noel exhales, unable to think of a joke or retort to say. "You're so good, Liam."
Liam's breath visibly hitches at the sound of his name, his eyes growing almost black in an instant.
"Love it when you say my name," he rasps, sliding his hands under the folds of Noel's bathrobe and slipping it off his shoulders.
"Say it again," he demands softly and nibbles at the side of his neck.
"Are you trying to give me a love bite?" Noel giggles and tilts his head to the side to give him more room.
"Say my name, Noel," Liam demands once more, sucking on the same spot, then licking over it before sucking again.
"I'll have to wear a turtleneck in London, Liam," Noel chuckles and gets an appreciative "hmm" in return.
Satisfied with the result, the kid bends lower to capture one of Noel's nipples, sucking on it greedily and palming his other pec with expertise that goes back years. Liam knows his body like Noel knew his very first guitar — every curve, every string, every little dent. Noel moans at the sensation, the wetness of Liam's mouth lush and silky against his skin. He threads his fingers into Liam's hair and massages his scalp before nudging him down slightly to where he's already hard and leaking — which doesn't happen very often these days.
"Come on, Liam," he pleads, not caring in the slightest how pathetic he might sound.
Liam grips the counter edge for support and gets down on his knees slowly, but still, somehow, with a bit of grace.
"Eager, are we?" he quips with a grin and unties the bathrobe. It falls to the floor, leaving Noel completely naked before him.
Noel looks down. His body is so old, but he feels so young under Liam's fiery gaze. His brother rakes his eyes over him, then glides his hands over his calves and kneecaps, presses his thumbs into the insides of his thighs and the soft dips of his groin.
"Jesus, our kid," Liam groans and lowers himself to circle his tongue over the head of Noel's cock.
His face takes on a blissful expression as if pleasuring Noel is his number one priority. Well, judging by the course of their lives, it isn't far from the truth. Isn't far at all. Everything would have been so much easier if Noel had just let him sometimes instead of trying to escape.
Now he doesn't want to run away. Never ever.
"Still got it, kid," Noel moans shakily, thrusting his hips forward slightly into the welcoming warmth.
Liam sucks on him harder, his head bobbing up and down in a hypnotic loop. His hair's got more grey in it now; the silver strands catch golden light, creating an almost halo effect. Or maybe it's just Noel going crazy. Whatever. His brother looks downright angelic. His personal angel who Noel didn't always deserve. He tugs at Liam's hair to get his attention.
"Hey, look at me, yeah?" he urges.
When Liam does, Noel's heart stutters, and then a feeling blooms inside. Liam's eyes are the same — the blue windows to his soul framed by long lashes. Nothing could change them — neither the years of neglect, nor the prospect of never getting his only dream back. Liam still loves him. Liam never stopped loving him. This is enough to draw him to the edge.
"I'm gonna come," he manages to say before the release hits. He feels his body contracting wildly and his head emptying of any thought. Then everything freezes, like the last chord of a song that lingers in the air before the crowd erupts in cheers.
Spent and dazed, Noel slides down to the floor and closes his eyes. Liam's hand comes to caress his face, the fingers moving over his skin in almost feather-light brushes.
"You big softie," Noel teases with a smile, catching Liam's wrist and planting a kiss on his palm.
"Nothing to be ashamed of if you ask me," he retorts, thumbing along Noel's top lip.
Just as Noel pulls the tip of his thumb into his mouth and starts sucking on it languidly, the ringtone yanks them both back from their dreamlike state.
"Shit," Liam curses. "It's mine."
Noel groans. He's a fucking Cinderella, isn't he? They've had the best day ever, but his prince still has to be taken away from him.
"It was Debbie," Liam sighs when he comes back. "Guru says my time's up."
"And how will you explain this?" Noel huffs, pointing at a massive bulge tenting Liam's trousers.
Liam looks at it, too, and winces.
"Dunno. I'll think of something. Don't worry about me, our kid."
As he makes for the door, Noel scrambles off the floor and follows his brother with some difficulty.
"Wait," he calls. "Not so fast, yeah?"
"You know I'd like to stay," Liam starts, but Noel doesn't let him finish.
He wraps his arms around him and draws him close, pressing into him until every inch of his skin is in contact with the fabric of Liam's suit.
"I'll make it up to you in London," Noel promises, rubbing his scent into the suit, leaving an invisible claim on his kid.
Of course, Liam sees through him immediately.
"Don't ruin my suit, yeah? I need it for Monday," he chides playfully and whimpers when Noel slides a thigh between his legs and rubs it pointedly against his erection.
"Stop it," he whines and pulls away.
Taking a long breath, Liam opens the door and pauses to kiss him one last time.
His lips taste faintly of Noel.
"Chew some gum on your way," Noel offers as an afterthought and gets a thumb up as a reply.
When Liam disappears from view, Noel steps back into the dimness of his suite. From his window, he sees the dark water expanse reflecting millions of golden sparks. The road here was indeed winding. But it's not over. In fact, it's only beginning.
And the next stop: London.