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Jeremy pulled his small sedan up the sandy path to finally stop before a small seaside cottage. It was far too isolated for his taste, seated on a long stretch of empty sandy beach. Tall browning grass began where the beach ended, covering rolling hills as far as the horizon.
The narrow sandy road leading here terminated at the cottage. Jeremy had driven down it for over an hour, and now he stood next to his car taking in the sight.
A stiff breeze was cool but not unpleasant as it whispered its way through the waist high grass. The late afternoon sky was mostly overcast occasionally allowing the odd sunbeam to break through and make the ocean waves shimmer.
The cottage itself was a small two-story structure with white wooden siding sun-baked and paint peeling. From the number of shingles missing, it was clear the place had survived its fair share of stormy weather.
Jeremy stepped up onto the small porch and looked at the flaking red paint on the door. Pulling the set of keys out of his pocket, he simply stared at them. This all still felt like a dream… or a set up for a horrible nightmare. None of it felt real: some dead relative he couldn’t remember ever meeting somehow had him in their will, and suddenly he finds himself as the owner of twenty acres in buttfuck nowhere.
What the fuck was he supposed to do with this place? Did it even have electricity? Running water? It sure as hell wouldn’t have Wi-Fi.
He’d already considered the idea of selling the land, but had been quick to learn that it wasn’t worth much. Apparently, there was some ancient legislation protecting the land from development, and this cottage was the only building on it.
Maybe he could rent it out to people.
Of course, that would require some repairs… paint, shingles, and god knows what the inside looks like.
Taking a deep breath, he fit the key in the lock pushed on the door.
It was stuck.
Sun and rain had warped the frame, and Jeremy had to throw his shoulder into a shove. With the sound of scraping wood the door finally gave and revealed the dusty interior of the building.
Inside it was just as simple as the exterior, if slightly less worn and a bit dustier. It was mostly white and light blue in décor, with plenty of seashells on the window sills and tables. Checking the wall for a light switch, Jeremy wasn’t all too surprised to find none. His electrical theory had been correct. Thankfully the windows were plentiful and large, so once he got the protective storm shutters off, it would be quite bright.
A small fireplace sat in one wall, with a large plush armchair before it. That would be his only light for the night, and he hoped that the chimney was clear, or he would be smoking himself like a sausage. By the largest window facing the ocean was a rocking chair, and behind it was a small wooden stove and simple kitchen.
He had never been happier to have brought protein bars and water on a trip. Hopefully his stop at the last McDonald’s would tie him over for some time, but he had maybe a day or two of supplies before he had to head back to the nearest town.
Jeremy spotted the small staircase to the second floor, and figured he may as well take a peek. Each step creaked under his weight until he finally emerged into a small bedroom. Like everything else about the place, it was simple, quaint, and filled with knick-knacks the ocean had brought. Shells, glass, bottles, unique pieces of drift wood, made the room almost cluttered.
Running a smoothed piece of sea glass between his fingers, he approached the bed. He pulled the covers down and gave the blanket a sniff.
Musty, but it looked clear of pests.
He tossed the glass onto a blue dresser with a clack, and headed back down. This place would definitely need work if he wanted any chance of having a use for it. Unfortunately, he hadn’t brought any tools, but figured the least he could do is pull down the storm shutters and get some light inside.
Without a hammer to remove the nails the work was tough. Jeremy was soon huffing and covered in sweat.
Wiping perspiration from his forehead, he eyed the two windows on the second floor. A few moments of searching later and he found an old wooden ladder behind the outhouse.
He wasn’t a fan of heights. Ironic for an ex-gymnast, but it wasn’t as if it was his decision to have a phobia. Every time the ladder creaked or shifted on its sandy perch, he’d freeze and grip tight. His heart was frantic, and he did everything in his power not to look down as he released the ladder and reached up towards the wooden shutter.
Getting a secure hold, he yanked.
It came free far too easily.
The additional weight and lack of resistance shifted his balance back. A dreadful moment of realisation hit Jeremy just before the weightlessness turned his stomach and forced a shout from him.
He was falling.
There was only the sand of the beach beneath him.
This was going to hurt.
~*~
A male voice shouting from a distance cut through his foggy mind.
“Is he dead?”
Jeremy wanted to tell them to shut up, all he wanted was to sleep. How could he do that with some idiot shouting?
Another male voice, right next to him, shouted back to the first, “Nah, he’s breathing!”
Jeremy groaned and forced his eyes to open. To his surprise, a large man was at his side, leaned over him, but looking away towards the water. He had light brown hair brushed back, and close cut beard.
The first voice shouted out, coloured with panic, “Ryan! I think he’s awake!”
The large man’s head snapped back to look at Jeremy in horror. His eyes were a piercing blue, and when his lips parted they revealed massive and sharp conical teeth.
Jeremy opened his mouth to ask what was going on, only to have the man fling a handful of sand into his face. Blinded and sputtering, Jeremy rolled over and did his best to restore his sight.
“What the fuck, man?!” He shouted and rubbed his eyes.
“Ryan! Hurry up, Ryan!” A third voice screamed with a slight British accent.
The voice of the man that had been next to Jeremy responded with angry sarcasm, “You hurry up!” it was clear the man, Ryan, Jeremy concluded, was working to distance himself.
Teary eyed, Jeremy managed to get to his feet and spot his assailant.
Ryan was dragging himself down the beach and towards the water. Dragging himself, because his lower half was–
Jeremy worked to clear his vision further; what he was seeing couldn’t possibly be right.
The man was part fish, no, whale… killer whale? With a black dorsal fin, massive tail, and white underbelly.
Jeremy couldn’t believe it. He was stunned. Without thinking he ran after him, “Wait! Wait up!”
Ryan did his best to hurry his pace, and managed to reach the shallows when a sudden weight landed on his back. A hand grabbed his dorsal fin, and an arm wrapped itself around a shoulder. The water was still too shallow for him to swim, and his heavy body worked against him as he attempted to thrash and dislodge Jeremy.
Jeremy’s mouth filled with seawater, but he was determined, “What are you?!”
“Let go!” Ryan snarled at him and bared his terrifying teeth. He managed to roll himself over so that Jeremy was fully submerged.
Jeremy barely had time to yelp before he went under and Ryan’s heavy orca body crushed his right arm and leg. He had no choice but to let go and attempt to get himself above water while Ryan took the opportunity to get into deeper water.
Surfacing, Jeremy kicked off his remaining shoe and launched himself towards Ryan’s dark form beneath the waves.
Normally the shallows were a boon; warm gentle waters with a soft sandy seat, but now Ryan was cursing as his tail kicked the bottom, hindering his escape. He was creating a murky mess, and could only hope that would slow the human.
Jeremy wasn’t deterred. He swam after the large black fin breaking the surface. He couldn’t believe what was happening; a mermaid – man – merman! He was chasing a merman! This had to be a hoax, or a hallucination!
Another fin broke the surface a few feet out and began to race towards them, cutting through the waves with surprising speed. The fin was grey, and its owner appeared to be having far less trouble in the shallows.
The fin slowed as it neared, and a human head popped up out of the water. Ruddy curls covered his head, freckles speckled his skin, and brown eyes narrowed as the stared Jeremy down.
“Fuck off, shitface!” The ruddy haired man bellowed. His mouth was filled with several rows of serrated triangular teeth, and there were gill slits on either side of his neck.
“Are you guys real?!” Jeremy spat a bit dumbly. He was out of breath and still in disbelief of his eyes. Just how hard had he hit his head?
The man’s sharp teeth drew Jeremy’s gaze as he threw back his head and laughed at him, “Real? Are you a fucking moron?! Real?!”
Jeremy furrowed his brow, it wasn’t that stupid a question. He opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a squeak as a heavy, solid, blow hit his chest and compressed his ribcage, sending him upward out of the water.
He struggled to suck in breath as he saw the water a good ten feet below him.
The ruddy haired merman watched Jeremy fly with mild awe as a black and white tail lazily sunk down where the human had been.
Jeremy managed to spot three more male faces breach the surface with expressions varying from livid to horrified, before crashing back down into the ocean. The water painfully slapped his face.
Completely dazed, he wasn’t sure how deep he was, or which way was up, until his fingers brushed sand. He did his best to orient himself, but still found it difficult. A toe hit a rock, a hip some sand, but when he kicked with the hope of pushing himself upwards, he only got water.
This was vertigo, wasn’t it? Complete and utter loss of directional comprehension.
He felt panic rise, and began to kick wildly, as his lungs burned, and eyes stung.
Still, he was lucid enough to hear and understand voices. Voices that spoke clearly and ungarbled by water.
“Ryan! What the fuck?!” Someone screamed.
“He was attacking me, Geoff! It was self defense!” Ryan shouted back.
“He’s fucking drowning now!” The first voice, Geoff, yelled back with a crack.
A third voice more calmly joined the argument, “I say we let him.” It belonged to the ruddy haired merman.
“Michael, we can’t.” A fourth voice chided the third.
Geoff agreed, “Jack’s right. We let the fuck die and suddenly the beach will be filled with ‘em. Drag him back Ryan.”
“Me?! Why not Gavin?! Do you know how hard it is to drag this on a beach?” Ryan complained.
“Oi,” It was the brit, “Don’t bring me into this bloody mess; for once I had nothing to do with it!” Gavin whined.
“Nothing to do with it?!” Ryan turned on him, “You’re the one who wanted us to check on him in the first place!”
Michael interrupted, “Uh guys, how long can humans hold their breath again? ‘Cause he looks like he’s going belly up.”
~*~
Jeremy awoke coughing and vomiting up seawater. He was on his side in the sand. Everything burned; his throat, chest, nasal passages, and eyes. Every cough wracked his lungs and all he could taste was salt. His lower body felt uncomfortably wet.
He opened bloodshot eyes and saw a thin brown haired man smiling down at him with a mouth full of canine teeth.
“How are you? Ryan almost bloody killed you, he did.” He spoke with a British accent and Jeremy was able to peg him as Gavin.
“I wasn’t trying to kill him.”
Jeremy turned to see Ryan sitting in a foot of water with his face as cross as his arms. His massive tail gently toyed with the water.
That explained the wet, Jeremy was still half submerged, but his upper body and head were beyond the reach of the surf.
“For not trying, you sure came close to it.” Another man with red hair and bushy beard scoffed. His teeth were strange, small, triangular, and tightly packed. His lower body turned into a light brown shark tail.
“Fuck you, Jack.” Ryan spat at him, “He assaulted me!” he jabbed a finger towards Jeremy.
A fourth voice, “Gonna go with Ryan – it was self defence.” Jeremy spotted the owner, he had short messy black hair and beard. His skin was covered in an orange, brown, and white mottled daub pattern. Spotting the long flesh covered spikes protruding from his arms and spine, Jeremy immediately likened him to a lionfish.
“Shoulda just bit him.” A final fifth man suggested. It was Michael, teeth still sharp, and his lower body that of a large grey shark.
Jeremy felt like he was all dried up, and his voice was almost a croak, “Thanks for not biting me.”
Gavin chuckled, “So?”
Jeremy pushed himself up to be seated. Seeing Gavin’s lower body he saw that is was that of a seal. Really no weirder than the two sharks, orca, and lionfish still watching him, “So?” he repeated the question not knowing what was being asked.
“Why’re you here? Who are you?” Gavin quickly asked.
“Who am I?!” Jeremy laughed and it became a series of coughs, “Who the fuck are you guys, and why are you here?”
“It’s our beach, dumbass.” Geoff told him, “Why the fuck are you on it?”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but this beach is mine.” Jeremy replied, “Or at least it has been for the last week or so. I got the deed in a will. I was expecting squatters or campers, but not fucking mermaids!”
Anger broke out among the group.
“Mermaids?!”
“Squatters?! It’s our water!”
“The fuck you on, Leggy?!”
“I’ll make you a maid…”
Jack put his hands up to calm them, “Hold on, guys. I think we’ve got a misunderstanding.”
“Hell yeah we have a misunderstanding.” Michael scowled, “He thinks we’re mermaids.”
“Sorry, Mermen.” Jeremy apologised quickly, “I’m still having trouble with this.”
“Merfolk.” Ryan corrected him, “Just say Merfolk.”
“But I’m not Mer!” Gavin complained.
“Fine, Merfolk and one Selkie.” Michael rolled his eyes, “Not tedious to say every time, at all.”
“I’m just human.” Jeremy stated.
“No shit.” Ryan remarked.
“A name would be nice.” Jack nodded to Jeremy.
“Jeremy.” Jeremy obliged.
Jack smiled, “I’m Jack, a nurse shark mer. That’s Geoff, a lionfish mer. Michael, a bull shark mer. Ryan, our orca mer, and next to you is Gavin, the selkie.” He introduced them all.
Jeremy forced a chuckle, “Well that explains the whole dental situation going on.”
“So when are you leaving?” Geoff cut to the chase, “We don’t like humans on our turf. You’re loud and prone to drowning. We like our water corpse free.”
Jeremy blinked, “Wow ok, that’s rude. I know how to swim, thank you very much. I just don’t handle being punted out of the water like twenty feet very well.”
“It wasn’t that high.” Ryan argued.
“Whatever! I was being the exact opposite of loud all knocked unconscious and when I come to, you throw sand in my face!” Jeremy retorted.
“We thought you mighta died, and didn’t want you stinking up the place.” Michael explained, “And we know you humans like to call all your friends when you spot merfolk. This place would be swarmed in no time!”
“But then you had to go and jump me, and now we don’t know what to do with you.” Ryan scowled.
Michael shrugged, “Still say you shoulda bit him.” He muttered.
“I just came to check the property out!” Jeremy told them, he felt like he was being put on trial, “Figured the place could use some TLC, and maybe… rent… it… out? To people?”
All of them bared their teeth reflexively at that.
“Nope. Not happening.” Geoff shook his head, “I won’t allow it. And if you insist on it, then I will personally drag you out to the deepest darkest pit I can find.”
“Lodge him under a big heavy stone.” Michael nodded with a mischievous smile.
“Make some crabs real happy.” Ryan smirked.
“Whoa, please – I won’t, I promise I won’t rent the place out.” Jeremy put up his hands in surrender, “Please.”
Geoff’s brow furrowed as he inspected Jeremy for any sign of deceit. Finding none, he sighed, “Fine. I believe you. You’re free to live in that cottage, but I make the rules alright?!”
“Oh I wasn’t – I don’t want to live here.” Jeremy informed them, “If I can’t rent it out, then I might visit it every so often, but with no electricity or Wi-Fi, I won’t ever be staying long.”
“You could bring your wife!” Gavin suggested excitedly, “If she’s nice, o’course.”
“No, I said Wi-Fi, not wife, but I do have – you know what nevermind. I thought you said you guys don’t like humans bringing people?” Jeremy was confused
“I’m not gonna force you to leave your wife.” Geoff explained, “We’re not monsters.”
“Debatable, but thanks?” Jeremy half smiled.
“What do you mean debatable?!” Ryan finally uncrossed his arms.
Jack sighed, “Ryan, drop it.”
“It’s a legitimate question!” Ryan argued.
“Oooh he’s in a mood!” Gavin taunted.
Ryan snorted, crossing his arms again, but falling silent.
“Sorry for jumping you.” Jeremy felt the need to apologise.
Ryan gave him a bit of a glare, but his expression softened.
There was an awkward silence as they all looked at each other, unsure what to do next.
Jeremy cleared his throat and licked his chapped lips, “I uh, need some water. I feel like a piece of jerky.” He gestured to the cottage and got to his feet, “I’d invite you to come in, but I don’t think it would be comfortable… For you. Not me, I’d be fine with you, but you wouldn–” He cut his own ramble off.
“I’ll come!” Gavin bounced up on two human legs, his previously seal lower body now human.
Jeremy’s eyes widened and he quickly put up his hands to block Gavin’s nudity, “Ahhh, dude!”
“Wot?” Gavin was amused by his reaction, “I can have legs too!” He hopped from one foot to the other.
Jeremy laughed. Of Course, he hadn’t thought of it, but now it was difficult to ignore. They were all nude… All the time, “I’m gonna get both of us towels.”