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Thunder loves. That’s the first thing he knows.
Thunder is loved. That’s the second.
He knows those things before he understands them. He knows the faces above him the moment he opens his eyes. He’s happy. So happy. He loves them. They love him. Nothing else matters more, even when things are a little scary or painful because he’s small and he doesn’t understand much. He’s always so warm and so close to one of them, and that’s just how he wants it all to be.
Thunder grows, and he starts to both know and understand. He loves his family. He is loved by his family. They love him when they’re happy or they’re sad—especially when they’re sad. He loves them when he’s happy or sad—but he’s mostly happy. He doesn’t even have to cry when he falls over, because Dada or GenGen or Nana will be right there to pick him up. Then he gets to snuggle close for as long as he wants, so even if it hurts a little falling over it’s not bad at all.
Za is laughing when he tries to get Thunder to call GenGen ‘mama’ on the day he first learns how to make fun sounds like ‘Dada.’ Thunder frowns at him for it. That’s not mama. Thunder knows all of his family. He’s GenGen, and he’s Za, and she’s Nana. Nana is like Mama, but different. GenGen isn’t like mama at all, and Za is being very silly.
GenGen looks happy when he takes Thunder from Za and says, “Ha!”
There are lots of other people that Thunder loves and who love him. There’s Ah who is very soft and has lots of flowers, and Kunz who follows Za around, and Vin who doesn’t say a lot, and Cla who makes him feel better when he’s sick, and El who likes to toss him up in the air. There’s all the people who have houses nearby, and all the people in the Tower where GenGen and Za take him sometimes.
He’s getting better at running around without help when Nana brings a visitor. She has pretty black hair and red eyes, but not like Vin does. Thunder immediately drops the tomato he was holding for Dada and runs over. He loves her a lot—as much as Nana or Za or Ah.
“Tee!” he says, excited. “Tee!”
She looks surprised. Nana looks surprised too. “Hi, Thunder,” says Tee, picking him up just like he wants. He snuggles close to her, even happier than usual. “How did he know?”
“…well, we were talking about you a lot while you were on the way,” says Nana.
“Sometimes he just knows things,” says Dada. He sounds a little tiny bit sad. “He’s always been like that.”
Dada is right. Thunder always knows who he loves.
There’s someone special he loves, too, but Thunder only sees him when he’s asleep. He’s not a secret, but he is different from everyone else, and Thunder doesn’t know how to talk about him. Sometimes, when Thunder is dreaming, he’s in a big field of Ah’s flowers, the white and yellow ones that are very soft. It’s always sunny, and Thunder is always happy to be there, and there’s always a boy asleep in the flowers.
He’s as big as a grown-up, but he looks just like Thunder and he’s dressed just like Za. There’s a big, cool sword at his side, like Dada’s but different. He’s always surrounded by light that reminds Thunder of Ah. And he’s always smiling, even though he’s asleep and can’t wake up.
Thunder likes to pet his hair or pat his chest. “Good,” he promises the boy who both is and isn’t him and who he loves very much. “Love.”
Thunder loves. That’s the first thing he ever knew.
Thunder is loved. That’s the second.
And Thunder gets to know that every day for the rest of his life, all because of the boy asleep in the flowers.