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Summary
During his brief stint as a prisoner of the Order, Draco Malfoy notices that Hermione doesn't look to be doing too well. He had always assumed that, given her brilliant mind and gentle nature, those on her side would ensure she is taken care of. Evidently not. Must he really do everything himself?
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OR: Dark Draco decides he'd rather like to keep the pretty Healer for himself, since it seems no one else can take proper care of her.
A story about love and power.
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It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
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Marriage, Murder, and Other Misfortunes by Spookyandcooky
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Feb 2026
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Summary
Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the wizarding world is what you might call “a godsdamned mess.” The population is dwindling, the economy is suffering, and Hermione Granger has decided to pursue an arranged marriage—but only so she can be nominated to the antiquated Wizengamot, of course. After all, the Wizengamot is ignoring the world’s problems, and Hermione is determined to fix them. Granted, she never expected to be matched with Draco sodding Malfoy—the newest DMLE consultant who wears his Azkaban tattoos as proudly as his childhood sneer. But admittedly, between the turbulence of her farcical relationship, corrupt politicians, and a serial killer on the loose, nothing in Hermione’s life is going according to plan. Maybe hate sex with her husband will help?
- Language:
- English
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- 249,286
- Chapters:
- 35/38
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- 1
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Bookmarked by AMargurite
23 Jul 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
So excited for this one to finish. Toxic Draco? Yes please!!!
