Decowitch
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Summary
Ed is an engineer aboard the Revenge, an interplanetary research vessel on a multi-year mission to study Jupiter's moon Europa. An accident requires that Ed awaken from cryostasis over six months early, and finds his only companion to be Stede, the ship's onboard AI. They develop an unconventional friendship, but is it possible to have more?
This is classic mutual pining with a sci-fi twist, inspired by all of my favorite stories about the nature of personhood.
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“You–” Ed was struggling to parse what Stede was saying. “You’re playing your version of this song for me, right now? Like, in real time?”“Yes, Edward, that’s correct,” said Stede softly.
Ed’s brain momentarily seized up. He supposed it made sense that Stede was capable of learning a set of rules to do something like arrange and play a piece of music. There was something unnerving about this song, though. It felt, well–it felt organic . Reactive. Almost collaborative in a way. Ed was lost in the push and pull of it, until the last notes softly petered out.
“So, what did you think?” asked Stede. It sounded nervous again. Why the hell would someone program an anxiety response into a bot?
Series
- Part 1 of Starry Eyes and Counting Down to Zero
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,072
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 2,704
- Kudos:
- 2,648
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- 1,056
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- 50,528
Bookmarked by Decowitch
22 Aug 2026
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Professional thief Edward Teach is tired of hole in the wall apartments, shitty pub food, and skipping town every few months to keep the cops off their tail. He’s well past the age he meant to flee the country and retire, and all he needs is One Last Job to set him up for life. When he hears that some rich bastard outside of town has just the sort of treasure he’d trade his good knee for, Ed sets out in disguise to get the lay of the land.
What he gets instead is a case of mistaken identity. Yanked into Stede Bonnet’s multimillion dollar home and greeted with relief instead of fear, Ed suddenly finds himself entrusted with the care of the recently-separated Bonnet’s two children. And he’s not hating it. Not at all.
But there’s still a mysterious treasure to find. There’s still Izzy Hands, breathing down Edward’s neck about finding the money and moving on. And there’s still Stede Bonnet, with his easy smiles and soft, kind voice, and his silly talk of second chances.
The Bonnet house is enormous. It’s no wonder a kid who grew up in dingy squats and group homes would get little lost in it.
Series
- Part 1 of Thief of Hearts
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 93,733
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 636
- Kudos:
- 1,050
- Bookmarks:
- 292
- Hits:
- 20,029
Bookmarked by Decowitch
16 Aug 2026
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A modern AU in which Ed is a glassblower, because glassblowing is sexy. Ed/Stede medium burn, E rating applies from chapter 4 onwards.
Stede's life is boring, flat, made up of things he didn't choose for himself. He commissions some glass art from Ed as an anniversary gift for Mary, and Stede starts to learn what it is like to want things for himself.
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“Hey, it’s blond guy!”
“Uh,” Stede looks up to see leather and purple and strikingly tumbling hair. “Hi. Stede Bonnet. Blond guy?”
“Yeah man, I’ve seen you in the shop, I call you Blond Guy in my head. Good to have a proper name for you, Stede. I’m Ed.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 50,552
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 832
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- 2,030
- Bookmarks:
- 660
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- 31,794
Bookmarked by Decowitch
10 Aug 2026
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Ed and Izzy have always known each other. Ed was there for Izzy's first fistfight, Izzy was there for Ed's first heartbreak. It was after one of those, way into their third or fourth "f that guy" drink, that they made the pact: if both of them are still single by 40, they'll just marry each other.
Now they're 39, and Izzy is so relieved. He can finally stop hiding his lifelong love for Ed, and stop sabotaging each of his relationships.
Ed, on the other hand, is desperate. He knows he's a lost cause when it comes to relationships, but in a last bid to stop this 20 year old drunken madness, he tries to find a guy for his best friend.
The guy he finds is Stede Bonnet.
Things do not go as planned.Bookmarked by Decowitch
29 Jul 2026
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Summary
Honestly, fuck Jack. Ed could do so much better than fuckin' "Calico" Jack. Just because he'd been in a funk for a few years that didn't mean... Well, Ed knew he was attractive. He could be sexy. He could. And he could pull someone so completely opposite to Jack they might as well be from different planets.
Enter the gorgeous posh blond bloke at the end of the bar.
Oh, he would do nicely.
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Ed and Stede have the worst exes in the world, but with a little bit of fuckery and a fabricated relationship (that's maybe getting a bit too real), they can help each other get them off their backs.
But what happens when their attraction to each other grows, and yet they’ve only agreed to touch each other when other people are around?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 100,426
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 612
- Kudos:
- 1,151
- Bookmarks:
- 331
- Hits:
- 25,920
Bookmarked by Decowitch
13 Jul 2026