1 - 20 of 50 Works by PurplePatchwork
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“I was thinking, well, it’s not unusual for people to bring their partners along; in fact, most people do, and it’s been a while since I- not that I haven’t been seeing anyone! But the last time was, er. Not what I wanted to talk about. No, what I wanted to ask, if perhaps, you might be persuaded to, er, if you have time that is, perhaps to join me-”
AKA the Narrator invites Stanley back to his childhood home in England to celebrate Christmas. Chaos ensues.
Series
- Part 13 of Love in audio
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Kevin is feeling restless, and he has no idea why.
Connor does have an idea, and decides to help.
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When Kevin Price started university, there were three things he was absolutely certain about:
1. He'd get his degree in Economics and get a well-paying job in Sales, so he could buy a nice big house and settle down.
2. After university he'd find himself a wife to go live in said house and start a family with.
3. Kevin knows his place in the world.After getting roped into a Shakespeare play by his best friend and two overly enthusiastic theater kids, there are three things that Kevin is not certain about in the slightest:
1. Is becoming a Salesman just because his dad always told him he's good at telling people what they want to hear really the only way forward?
2. Why is he so sure he'd suddenly become interested in girls when he never was before?
3. Kevin knows jack-shit about fuck-all. He's a boy playing a girl playing a boy, who is starting to have feelings for another boy, and who might be a little more comfortable with the whole "gender is performance" thing than he ever thought possible. -
tell me how to love like that by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
14 Dec 2025
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There are a lot of things Kevin's never done before. Holding hands, kissing, more than kissing. General relationship stuff.
Connor seems dead-set on rectifying that.
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weathering the storm by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
09 Dec 2025
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They’re all but standing shoulder-to-shoulder as they contemplate the bed, no room to run.
“It’s, um…” Connor smacks his lips. “It’s maybe just a little…”
“It’s a shoebox,” Kevin deadpans.
Or: Kevin's just trying to make it home, and return to a semblance of normalcy. Too bad the universe gives him Connor McKinley instead.
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Rock-a-bye Stanley, lying in bed
When the game turns on, we will be met
When the bed breaks, our Stanley will fall
And down will come Stanley, Parable and all!‘Why are you singing about the bed breaking? That’s not very reassuring.’
“I was simply adapting the lyrics of the song to become more prevalent to your situation, Stanley. It is to be expected that my efforts would go unappreciated. Hmpf.”
Or: another day, another attempt at intimacy. This time, Stanley wishes they take a nap together.
Series
- Part 2 of Lessons in Intimacy
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This is the story of a man named the Narrator.
The Narrator was succesful at his job and perfectly content to go about life alone.
And then one day, something very peculiar happened.
Something that would forever change the Narrator.
The Narrator met a man named Stanley.
Series
- Part 12 of Love in audio
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Kiss me under the... aloe vera? by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
23 Nov 2025
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“Whose idea was it to hang up mistletoe?” Kevin asks, squinting up at the small bundle of greenery hanging in the doorway.
“Technically it’s aloe vera, not mistletoe.”
“Okay,” Kevin agrees, “whose idea was it to hang up aloe vera and have it function as mistletoe?”
They're celebrating Christmas, and there's aloe vera strung up all around the mission hut. Kevin thinks it's the perfect opportunity to try and steal a kiss from a certain district leader. The other elders think it's the perfect opportunity to try and steal a kiss from Kevin.
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meet me in the closet by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
17 Nov 2025
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Kevin didn't mean to kiss Elder McKinley. It happened completely by accident. But now that he has, he thinks he'd like to do it again.
Or: the infamous lean-in, now turned lean-into, with spicy results.
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Connor is smiling. “Kevin Price, I have decided we are going to be good friends.”
Kevin smiles back. “Oh if you decided then I guess it’s just gonna have to be that way.”
Connor laughs, before swirling his chair around and returning to his journal.
Yes, good friends. And nothing more than that.
Connor's new roommate is exactly his type, and a fellow ex-Mormon to boot! Too bad he's straight. Connor has promised himself never to fall for another straight guy.
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played right into your hands by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
07 Nov 2025
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“Masturbation is a sin, Elder Price!”
“I’m just saying, maybe it’s not as bad as we’ve always been led to believe.”
Connor has no idea what kind of conversation he just walked in on. And he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to know either.
Connor decides to try his hand (heh) at this whole "masturbation thing" after waking up with unrelenting morning wood. Things get a little more awkward when Elder Price walks in on him. But sometimes, all you need is a helping hand (or a helpful mouth).
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Oh do you see me now? by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
31 Oct 2025
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Kevin pauses before awkwardly placing his hands on Connor’s arms. It’s obvious he’s never done this before.
Connor rolls his eyes before bringing Kevin’s arms up around his shoulders instead. He puts his own hands delicately on Kevin’s waist, trying not to think about the implication, trying not to think about the way Kevin sharply inhales when he does so.
“If we’re going to slow dance, might as well do it right,” Connor says primly, not wanting to give away how nervous he feels about this.
“Yeah sure,” Kevin says, and his voice wobbles dangerously around the edges.
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He hears a sound coming from above and looks up. Something has fallen from the little dot of light, and is hurtling towards him at alarming speed. Stanley is about to jump out of the way when a figure lands face-down beside him. There’s a loud and resounding thunk, but no crack, so he must not have broken any bones?
The figure pushes itself to hands and knees, and only then does Stanley feel a spark of recognition.
A familiar shirt, short brown hair, a light shadow along his jawline. Brown eyes open and lock with his own, and Stanley is unsurprised to be staring back at none other than himself.
In which the Narrator tells Stanley about the script he's writing, and Stanley has a weird dream wherein he meets himself at the bottom of a Mostly Infinite Hole.
Series
- Part 11 of Love in audio
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oh my gosh they were roommates by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
29 Oct 2025
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It’s Arnold who suggested it, of course.
You see, after… that which shall not be named, they technically don’t have to follow the rules anymore. Being semi-excommunicated, it isn’t really clear if they still get to call themselves Mormon once they go back home okaaaay time to stop thinking about that; the point remains: they’re free to make up a new way of living. But after nineteen years of having those rules hardwired into your skull, it’s not easy to break with habit.
There’s a list in Arnold’s near-illegible chicken scratch. Connor can barely make out what it says at the very top: Companion swapsies, with a little star drawn next to it.
They’re basically going to try and break as many rules as possible in the upcoming week.
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‘You don’t have a body?’
“Nope,” the Narrator affirms, letting the P pop. “If you were expecting an actual kiss, I’ll have to sorely disappoint you.”
Stanley puts his hand to his chin and his eyes glaze over a little, like he’s thinking. The Narrator could just listen in if he so desired, if Stanley’s not actively blocking him out, but he’s a little curious to see what Stanley will come up with on his own. Not that he has high expectations. Stanley’s ideas usually border on the absurd or insane.
Stanley taps his finger to his chin.
‘I’ve got some ideas I’d like to try.’
The Narrator lets out another long-suffering sigh. Which is well-earned, since he’s done nothing but suffer since the day they started this little game of theirs.
“By all means, do your best to surprise me.”
Stanley grins. Challenge accepted.
Or: Stanley wants to kiss the Narrator. Seeing as the Narrator isn't human, and thus doesn't have a body, they have to rely on more unconventional means.
Series
- Part 1 of Lessons in Intimacy
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“Er. Yes.” The Narrator makes another weird face, half embarrassed and half annoyed. “You see, I sort of perhaps in a manner of speaking might have slightly broken a leg. A little bit.”
When Stanley told the Narrator to break a leg, he didn’t mean it literally!
Series
- Part 10 of Love in audio
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do Mormon boys dream of pink glitter vests by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
04 Oct 2025
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“When I was in fifth grade, I had a friend Steve Blade,” Connor sings, doing a pirouette before leaping over to Kevin.
The other Elders are providing backing vocals, and they all have their hands clasped together as if in prayer. Kevin startles a little when Connor walks right up to him, completely ignoring the concept of personal space. Kevin leans back as Connor leans in and winks.
Oh. Oh wow. That’s a little, um.
Or: Kevin dreams he's in a musical. He wakes up in more ways than one.
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these hips don't lie by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
28 Sep 2025
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Connor’s patience is wearing thin. “Well, why don’t you sing a song then? Alone. In your room. Not here. Or better yet, take your perky little ass and go think up a dance routine or something!”
Kevin’s suspiciously quiet. Connor sneaks a side-long glance, only to find the guy craning his neck to study his own butt. He’s got an almost contemplative look in his eyes, tip of his tongue peeking out.
What.
“...Everything alright, Elder?” Connor asks, and he tries desperately to sound casual.
“It is kinda perky, isn’t it?” Kevin muses, and it takes all Connor’s effort not to put his head down on the table and start screaming.
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The Inherent Romanticism of Murdering Your (Former) Employer by PurplePatchwork
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
27 Sep 2025
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Jon never expected he’d one day have to mourn his own death. He doesn’t even get to go to his own funeral. Life is full of funny little surprises like that.
In which Jon and Martin end up stuck in the Magnus Institute as ghosts, the tunnels beneath the Archives are haunted, Elias gets thwarted by a spider, and murder is plotted over tea and stolen glances.
Rated M just to be safe, no smut but depictions of injury and violence. Will add tags where necessary as the story progresses!
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Atsumu is trying his very best to ignore the flashing screen of his phone. He’s already set it to silent so he doesn’t have to listen to the insistent buzzing, like a tiny little nagging voice constantly snapping its fingers in front of his face and demanding his attention.
He already read the message several minutes earlier, the one that simply said “pick up, coward.”
His phone finally stops flashing like a Christmas tree on steroids, and Atsumu slumps down on the table in relief. That relief is short-lived when Osamu barges into the kitchen, frowning at his own phone.
“Why the hell is Sakusa Kiyoomi asking me to kick your ass for him? What did you do this time?”