certifiedcrocodile



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ilya Rozanov is in love, closeted, catastrophically lonely, and apparently incapable of referring to Shane Hollander in present tense.

    The Centaurs come to a- given the circumstances- reasonable conclusion.

    Or:
    Five times the Centaurs thought Ilya Rozanov was mourning his dead wife, and the one time they discovered his wife was actually Shane Hollander.
    Shane, for the record, is alive and really confused.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,278
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    8
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    1,784
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    12 Oct 2026

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  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya needs to date a guy and get dumped in less than a week. Luckily Shane Hollander has impossibly high standards and a track record of quick turnarounds.

    Shane needs to prove he can date a guy for a whole ten days. Luckily Ilya Rozanov has a reputation for being a no-maintenance boyfriend who will be easy to put up with for a couple weeks.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,306
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    131
    Kudos:
    1,064
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    147
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    8,734

    07 Oct 2026

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    Bookmarker's Notes

    the alphabetical by color fic

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Heat spread across Ilya's face. His mouth fell open slightly. He let out a short, stuttered laugh of disbelief. This couldn't- he was straight, he wasn't-

    “Finally got you at your own game.” Shane's smirk widened to a smile, his hand clapping down on Ilya's shoulder to squeeze it slightly. For once in his life, Ilya was unable to find his voice.

    “Damn.” Shane laughed, jostling him a bit. “If I had known this was all it took to get you to shut the fuck up, I would have started flirting back years ago.”

    ----

    When old college friends Ilya and Shane show up to their mutual best friend's wedding, they are ready to fulfill their duties as bridesmen. Even after years of not seeing each other, they fall right back into their usual banter.

    Ilya loves to flirt with Shane. Shane loves to tell him to fuck off. It's a running bit. Nothing more than a joke between two friends; because Shane is gay and Ilya is straight and it doesn't actually mean anything…until Shane finally decides to flirt back, and Ilya's world suddenly tilts on its axis.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    59,193
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    5,711
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    05 Sep 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    When Rose Landry’s texts are leaked, Shane is outed not only as gay, but as an enthusiastic and talented bottom and deepthroater. He panics over being the literal embodiment of every locker room slur but gets advice for dealing with his next team practice:

    It’s time to get cocky. It’s time to own it.

    Or: Ilya grapples with top privilege and Shane gets to embrace bottom pride in the locker room.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,249
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    353
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    12,974
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    1,944
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    77,586

    25 Sep 2026

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    Bookmarker's Notes

    The secondhand embarrassment will actually kill you but it’s so funny I have to rec

  5. Public Bookmark 75

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    Shane offers his hand again, and this time it makes Ilya smile, maybe a bit too fondly, considering that he barely knows Shane. “It was nice to meet you, Rozanov.”

    Ilya accepts his handshake again, before leaning in, mouth inches away from the shell of Shane’s ear. “Call me Ilya. It was very nice to meet you as well, Shane. Will be seeing you soon, da?” He pulls away, smirking when he sees how Shane’s eyes appear a bit glazed over as he nods.

    This will be too easy.

    Shane Hollander has two months to make someone lose all interest in him.

    Ilya Rozanov has two months to make someone fall in love with him.

    They meet.

    or: Shane is trying to get dumped. Ilya is trying to get a boyfriend. Somehow, they pick each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,144
    Chapters:
    4/7
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    165
    Bookmarks:
    75
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    5,542

    19 Sep 2026

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