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Unpleasant Arrangements by Chrononautical
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
20 Dec 2018
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Summary
The King Under the Mountain requires a consort. Bilbo is happy to help him find one. So. Very. Happy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,376
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 193
- Kudos:
- 5,688
- Bookmarks:
- 1,012
- Hits:
- 40,134
Bookmarked by inuvhan
12 Jan 2026
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Summary
Written in response to a prompt by thotinshield on Tumblr:
"my brain is filled with au where thorin is considered unattractive by dwarven standards, bilbo thinks hes handsome, and is pining after him, but thorin is in the classic situation of having to get married and dealing with lots of suitors and theres a bit in there about bilbo hearing some of the dwarrowdams gossiping about how thorin is "ugly" and bilbo being like WHAT"
Erebor needs a queen, and Thorin is set to marry a dwarrowdam to be his consort. No matter how much it breaks his heart, Bilbo takes it upon himself to ensure Thorin only receives the best and decides to scope out the candidates. Everything goes well, and he finds one that looks promising, until he uncovers a rather disturbing fact about the crop of potential consorts.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,345
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 98
- Kudos:
- 2,805
- Bookmarks:
- 602
- Hits:
- 16,694
Bookmarked by inuvhan
26 Oct 2025
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Nothing Gold Can Stay by perkynurples
Fandom The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
18 Feb 2018
- Words:
- 365,396
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 678
Bookmarked by inuvhan
26 Oct 2025
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Summary
Hobbits on average eat six, sometimes seven meals a day. Bilbo struggles with eating drastically less than this while on the journey to Erebor and at the same time does not wish to show his weakness.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,175
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 63
- Kudos:
- 4,319
- Bookmarks:
- 723
- Hits:
- 70,080
Bookmarked by inuvhan
26 Oct 2025
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Traveling Companions by billiethepoet
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
27 Apr 2017
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Summary
The journey is long and hard, so why shouldn't Bilbo take what Thorin is offering?
Oh, probably because he's hopelessly in love with a handsome king who's only interested in him for sex. But there's not much else to do when you're on your way to fight a dragon.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 31,155
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 339
- Kudos:
- 2,349
- Bookmarks:
- 502
- Hits:
- 31,282
Bookmarked by inuvhan
30 Jul 2025
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Much Ado About Muffin by Itsthemaze, morningtoortle
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types
15 Dec 2024
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Summary
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Collaboration
Prompt - Thorin reluctantly joins the PTA at Fili and Kili's elementary school on behalf of Dis. Bilbo is a PTA dad for Frodo, who is friends with one/both of the boys(Thorin meets uncle Bilbo at the PTA when he takes over for Dis, they have a rocky start until Thorin learns there’s more to Bilbo than he thought)
Art by morningnoodles on tumblr - https://www.tumblr.com/morningnoodles/769939293729849344/happy-thauc-heres-the-illustration-i-did-with and check chapter two for a collection of more artwork by them!
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,114
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 14
- Kudos:
- 253
- Bookmarks:
- 41
- Hits:
- 2,427
Bookmarked by inuvhan
23 Dec 2024
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Summary
" “Balin, wait!” Thorin called. “Have you noticed anything… strange about our burglar?”
The elder dwarf hummed in thought. “No, not really. After speaking to him about hobbit culture, I believe he is a perfectly average hobbit. Aside from his joining our quest. That’s rather scandalous in their culture, from what I understand. Why? Is there something amiss?”
Thorin couldn’t believe his most trusted advisor hadn’t noticed the things he had. Balin was one of the most observant people he knew! “Balin, he is promiscuous,” Thorin said severely. “I do not know how you haven’t noticed.” "
Or, where hobbits are a tactile folk and Thorin can't wrap his brain around it.
Bookmarked by inuvhan
19 Dec 2024
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Of Bunnies and Treasures by lisellelascelles for amethystviolist
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types
24 Nov 2024
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Summary
After abandoning the comfort of his smial for their mad quest, risking his life to save their sorry asses once and again, and now vouching for them in front of the Laketown people, these confusticating dwarves have the gall of calling him little bunny behind his back?!
It’s time for Bilbo to confront the dwarrow king about this. He’ll take the respect he deserves.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,362
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 359
- Bookmarks:
- 39
- Hits:
- 2,830
Bookmarked by inuvhan
28 Nov 2024
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An Unexpected Proposal by Eareniel
Fandoms: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit - All Media Types
12 Oct 2013
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Summary
As Bilbo sat smoking in his empty hobbit hole, he couldn’t help but wonder – when did his life become so boring? Or better yet – when did his old life stop being enough?
He suspected the answer to that question lay somewhere around the time when he had refused Thorin Oakenshield’s offer of marriage.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 100,322
- Chapters:
- 17/17
- Comments:
- 415
- Kudos:
- 5,799
- Bookmarks:
- 2,023
- Hits:
- 144,319
Bookmarked by inuvhan
09 Oct 2024
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Para Bellum by RyuuzaKochou
Fandoms: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit - All Media Types
29 Jan 2013
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Summary
Hobbits always survive; even where trained and experienced soldiers don't.
Has no one ever wondered about this?
Thorin and the Company learn that it takes more than luck to be small in a big world.
OR - Bilbo has unexpected skills and Thorin finds he likes them.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,886
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 15
- Comments:
- 383
- Kudos:
- 22,722
- Bookmarks:
- 5,217
- Hits:
- 227,742
Bookmarked by inuvhan
06 Oct 2024
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Summary
Bilbo uses his ring at the Battle of the Five Armies to protect Thorin and his nephews, but he gets severely injured in the process. Thorin/Bilbo, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Violence. Written for a prompt on the Hobbit Kink Meme.
Bookmarked by inuvhan
27 Sep 2024
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Summary
Bilbo loves riddles, Thorin hates games.
Bookmarked by inuvhan
27 Sep 2024
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Summary
Hobbits rub noses to greet each other - a fact the dwarves don't know until they arrive in Rivendell and Elrond greets a surprised Bilbo by rubbing their noses together. Some of the company find it quite amusing, but Thorin is less than pleased. Fluff! Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,424
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 115
- Kudos:
- 8,793
- Bookmarks:
- 1,264
- Hits:
- 100,538
Bookmarked by inuvhan
27 Sep 2024
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Quietus by shinigami714
Fandoms: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit - All Media Types
09 Mar 2013
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Summary
Hobbits have a defense mechanism that takes effect when they grow weak and cold. Bilbo recognizes as it begins to take hold of him during the journey to Erebor. For a prompt on the Hobbit Kink Meme.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,679
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 55
- Kudos:
- 4,923
- Bookmarks:
- 741
- Hits:
- 65,172
Bookmarked by inuvhan
27 Sep 2024
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a daggered heart by wonderbent
Fandoms: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit - All Media Types
07 Dec 2023
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Summary
Bilbo Baggins, three months after the Battle of Five Armies, is lost. He thought he would stay in Erebor and build a life here, with Thorin. He misses the comforts and familiarity of the Shire but not enough to go back. He wants to stay with the Company, his friends, but the last few weeks have made him begin to second guess if they even want him in Erebor or not. After nursing Thorin back to health, two months later and none of the Company can even look him in the eye. Especially a certain king he can't supress his feelings for. Maybe it is time for him to go home.
Mysterious gifts.
Strange behavior from all the dwarves.
One severely confused Hobbit.
Bookmarked by inuvhan
19 Sep 2024
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Summary
Bilbo liked Erebor, he really did. Even if everyone seemed convinced he was going to leave.
In which soil causes international incidents, Thorin is over-dramatic, and dwarves are rubbish at keeping secrets. Oh, and they build a garden. Eventually.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,550
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 440
- Kudos:
- 22,651
- Bookmarks:
- 5,406
- Hits:
- 224,367
Bookmarked by inuvhan
08 Sep 2024
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Summary
Forget-me-not: a small flower, with four petals, which are normally found in shades of blue with a pink or white centre. These are traditional flowers of intent in the Shire, used to express true love, and remembrance.
In which Bilbo plans to leave Erebor, and Thorin tries to understand why.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,876
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 126
- Kudos:
- 4,574
- Bookmarks:
- 1,152
- Hits:
- 55,337
Bookmarked by inuvhan
07 Sep 2024
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Summary
There's a certain point where you can no longer ask someone what their name is. Thorin isn't sure exactly when that point is, but he knows that it's probably some time before the person in question saves your life. On the far side of the Misty Mountains, Thorin realizes that he never quite caught the first part of Mr. Baggins' name, and he finds that it's astonishingly harder to learn than he would have thought. Fili, Kili, and Dwalin are no help whatsoever.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,756
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 17
- Comments:
- 726
- Kudos:
- 15,542
- Bookmarks:
- 4,333
- Hits:
- 118,069
Bookmarked by inuvhan
31 Aug 2024
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The "Dying" Hobbit by Resacon1990
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
10 Jun 2014
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Summary
"It's just a cold," Gandalf says the following morning when Bilbo wakes up feeling completely under the weather, "a few days rest in bed will do you good, dear fellow."
Or, the one where Bilbo has a cold and everyone thinks he's dying.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,855
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 8
- Comments:
- 274
- Kudos:
- 16,701
- Bookmarks:
- 3,521
- Hits:
- 174,483
Bookmarked by inuvhan
31 Aug 2024
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Summary
Newly divorced dog person Stede Bonnet and local business owner/hot biker and cat person Edward Teach meet in the waiting room of a vet's office.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,815
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 195
- Kudos:
- 3,596
- Bookmarks:
- 610
- Hits:
- 17,137
Bookmarked by inuvhan
20 Jan 2024