Chapter Text
It had been precisely 3 days after Japan’s definite victory against the most formidable opponent in Hokuto club, renowned in the Go world as the current leading nation in the said sport—the Koreans. Of course, it went without saying that it hadn’t been exactly a smooth road for the 17 years old professionals Touya Akira, Shindou Hikaru and Yashiro Kiyoharu. Poor Yashiro had to endure a few weeks of pure torture as a result of the other two’s constant bickering. Sometimes he thought that one of them would lift a Goban and slam the other with it right across the face, but thank god that both of them loved Go far too much to start reducing such expensive and precious equipment into a weapon of cold-blooded murder.
Their differences aside, Touya and Shindou had continuously improved due to their strong rivalry. The matches between them had been back and forth for a while now, even the official ones and none letting the other getting the better of the other for even one second. It was intense, that was for sure, but it was also refreshing, to say the least. If it wasn’t for his passion for Go and desire to keep up with the first and second board, Yashiro probably would have packed and left.
“You sure gave Ko Yeong Ha a run for his money, Shindou! Way to go.” Waya grinned as he grabbed three equal length fries from the carton and shoved them into his mouth. “Do you remember two years ago when you forced your way into the first board and lost? Or last year when you totally bombed on the preliminary and ended up on the third board?”
“Don’t you dare talk to me about it.” Hikaru glared at the brunette with his mouth full of hamburger. Swallowing thickly, he continued, “It wasn’t my fault that I got food poisoning, alright? I should’ve sued that sushi store. I knew ramen was a better option.”
“Well, that hardly matters anymore.” Isumi chuckled, voice full of mirth as he took a sip of his soda. “What matters now is that Shindou won the first board fair and square without wriggling his way into it.”
“Mmhm,” The boy with the bleached bang agreed with his arms crossed and forehead scrunched together to form a frown. “You know what’d be cool though?” His expression quickly brightened up. “A Hokuto cup for the over 18s. 19-40 or something like that. Isumi-san would have a chance to play internationally too, wouldn’t that be awesome?”
The raven-haired male rested his chin on his palm, eyes gazing dreamily at the ceiling. “It sure would be great. I can only imagine the strengths of the Chinese and Koreans.”
“Yeah, that’s cool and all but think of the competition.” Waya cut sharply as he popped the lid of the large cup open to check if there was still any soda left. “19-40, or even 35, means that Isumi would have to play against Ashiwara 5-dan, Kurata 7-dan, Shirakawa 8-dan and Ogata Judan. You can’t tell me that’s not some bloody stiff competition.”
“What, are you doubting Isumi-san?” Shindou retaliated, softly slamming his fist on the table, mildly offended that Waya of all people would think that Isumi would lose.
“I’m not! I’m just saying that there are some crazy people Isumi gotta beat before he can even touch the third board.”
The man in topic merely stared at the two with an expression that said “I’m over here, you know?” but remained silent and let the two go at it with their screaming competition. Shindou really had a knack for baiting people into an argument.
After they both had enough and the other customers freaked out plenty, they threw themselves on the seat once more and Shindou’s expression brightened again. That only worried Isumi even further. One more crazy idea that would result in the same situation, he thought.
“Well, what’ about the over 40s Hokuto Cup? Imagine Touya-sensei and Kuwabara Honinbo playing. That would be a match to watch.”
This time, Waya’s eyes shone with excitement at that concept. “Maybe Zama Oza and Morishita-sensei as well. That would be absolutely amazing.” He crossed his arms, nodding in agreement. “Now, if only Sai would join, that would be even better.”
“But Sai would join the 19-40s!” Protested Shindou before he stammered, noticing that he said too much on the spur of the moment. “I mean… you don’t know how old Sai is and all. He might be under 40 for all you know.”
“Don’t bother, Shindou,” Waya scoffed after hearing the defensive statement. “It’s kinda public knowledge that you know Sai at this point. You’re just secretive because you don’t want anyone else to learn from him. How selfish.”
“Waya!” Isumi smacked the brunette’s shoulder before tilting his head towards Shindou, who clearly took it personally. “We don’t know his side of the story. You’ve said too much.” The older male reprimanded. To keep a secret as desired as that, the situation must be grave. Perhaps Sai couldn't physically walk in broad daylight due to some illness, or perhaps physical impairment. It just wasn’t fair to pressure Shindou into spilling the beans.
“You’re right, you’re right,” Waya muttered and looked at his friend. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just desperate for information. He disappeared right after such beautiful game against the Meijin, after all. But if you don’t want to talk about it, I shouldn’t pry.”
It didn’t go unnoticed by Isumi’s sharp eyes how Shindou gripped the fan he had been carrying around for years so tight his knuckles turned white. Perhaps something bigger happened. He could feel his eyes widening involuntarily. Could it be that Sai was dead? Isumi stole a glance at the boy who sat opposite of him, eyes cast to the fan and he could find no other possibilities.
Shindou sighed after a pregnant pause and looked at the two in front of him, smiling weakly. “Well, whatever. I need to go now. I have tutoring session in a couple of hours and I should get ready.” The boy grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder before he said his goodbye and left the fast food joint.
Seemingly troubled by what he had done, Waya groaned and leaned back. “I’ve done it.”
Isumi looked at the brunette and sighed. “I think it’s about time you let go of your Sai obsession. It’s really hurting Shindou.”
“But aren’t you curious, Isumi-san?!” The other male retorted with his voice raised and frustration clear. He turned his body so he could rest his elbow on the backrest of the bench. “Why isn’t he a pro? Why did he just suddenly appear on NetGo, how did Shindou know him and why did he disappear?”
“It’s not our place to intrude in Shindou’s private life.” The black-haired man stated firmly. They were friends, sure, but even among best of friends, there were bound to be things that would still be kept a secret, and this was one of them. “I think it’s better if you focus on your own Go.”
.
It had been officially 2 years since Sai disappeared from his life on the 5th of May. The pain and grief had mostly subsided but when he did think of it, it never really stopped constricting his chest in the most agonising way possible. Even after he thought he had moved on, deep down he was still blaming his own selfishness for not letting the genius play, perhaps that was the only way to prevent him from disappearing.
Sai had really made a legacy for himself. Even after 2 years of absence from NetGo, people still chase his shadows. Forums were still active, buzzing with people discussing his small collection of kifu, move by move, the most known being Sai vs Toya Koyo, of course. Not everyone had watched that match, but those who did most likely would not ever forget it. Video analysis was made on video hosting websites with hits in the tens of thousands, countless Go articles published and thousands of players, amateurs and professionals alike enamoured.
Shindou would never admit it, but he had secretly contributed to the kifu collection. He had submitted 3 of his games against Sai that he remembered on the top of his head, which led people to wonder how he laid his hands on it. Shindou merely said that they were from Sai’s earlier games in other NetGo servers. He loved how enchanted everyone was for a man whose identity shrouded in mystery, he felt a certain pride in knowing that he was the only one who had ever met and learned from Sai. What wouldn’t he give to have it all back.
Sometimes he still saw him in his dreams, the same Sai with the gentlest and most comforting smile as if telling him that what happened wasn’t his fault. He never once said a word, but Shindou was content to be able to see him and telling him everything about the matches he competed in and how far he had gotten.
“Sensei?” The 14 years old girl under his teaching queried when she noticed that Shindou had been staring at the Go board for the past 2 minutes, completely unmoving.
“Huh?” Snapped back to reality, Shindou cleared his throat and leaned away from the Go-ban while trying to find something to say. “Hmm, this hane is a bit rash. If you play here and here first, you’ll have a stronger wall to start attacking. Remember that sometimes you have to give up part of your territory in order to build a stronger one. It’s not always a loss.”
Concluding the hour-long lesson, Shindou sighed and walked towards the train station, still not being able to stop thinking of Sai. To an innocent passerby, it would seem like Shindou was doing a whole lot of reading from the way he kept flicking through pages of the book on his lap, but he wasn’t processing a single word on it. His mind wandered about what would happen if Sai was reborn as a whole man, alive. There would be an uproar in the Go world. He would, without doubt, join the pro test and pass with a perfect score, then go up the ladder completely undefeated until he steals all titles from under everyone’s noses. It would be quite the feat to choose which he would go by.
“I’m home.” The boy huffed and took off his shoes, putting them neatly on the rack before walking inside where his mother was watching a drama on the TV.
“Oh, Hikaru!” She got to her feet upon seeing her son back home after a week of absence. “I saw the result of your match. I’m so proud of you! How was your trip back?”
“Yeah, it was alright.” Shindou shrugged, taking the heavy backpack off and walked upstairs. “Oh right. My share of 6 million yen is gonna be in the bank tomorrow!” He raised his voice to ensure that his mother would hear him and wouldn’t come to the Go association the day after asking how he got that much money.
“6 millio—“ He faintly heard her voice fading away in shock. As of now, he already had a cumulative of over 30 million from winning his matches, commentary jobs as well as tutoring. Perhaps he should start thinking about moving out to somewhere closer to the Go association, or maybe get ready to purchase a sweet new car like Ogata’s once he got his driver’s license.
Deciding to unpack tomorrow, Shindou threw his backpack to the corner of the room before jumping onto the bed with a tired sigh and eyes lingering on the ceiling for a moment. When he fell asleep, he dreamt.
Shindou had an ear-to-ear grin. Judging by the way he seemed to float in the air with the smell of lavender diffused all around him like a newly sprayed perfume, something he had been waiting for was about to occur. All he could see was a mix of light pink and white. If he was right, Sai would appear any time now in one of his lucid dream episodes. It usually happens a few days after something massive had just happened, and he certainly couldn’t wait to tell the spirit all about the Hokuto Cup.
Still with a smile plastered on, he spun around to find the man he was expecting, and sure enough, there he was.
“Sai! Guess what?” Shindou grinned as he rested the back of his head on his two hands. “Japan won the Hokuto cup, and I was the first board! Remember that Ko Yeong Ha? I wiped the floor with him!” Laughed the boy cheerfully, cheeks slightly pinkish. “Well, it was only a half moku victory, but still. I was leading most of the game. That’d show him to not badmouth Torajiro.”
The spirit was quiet as per usual, nothing too frustrating anymore for Shindou. He was used to the silence and found it rather comforting nowadays. After all, it was clear that Sai was listening to every story, every rant, every word he said. The small smile remained on the spirit’s lips, signifying that he wanted Shindou to continue.
“Oh yeah, I got the first board by beating Touya by a good 1 and a half moku. Hell yeah! I also became a 2-dan not long ago. If only I didn’t forfeit all those matches, I probably could be a 3-dan by now.” Shindou crossed his arms, slightly annoyed at himself for not continuing with Go right after Sai disappeared. Obviously, he would like him to keep going instead of running away. “Well, Touya’s a 4-dan now. Isumi-san and Waya are going well too with their matches. Probably will get promotion next year.”
“Sometimes I wish there’s a Go-ban here so we can play as we talk.” Continued the boy with bleached bangs, chuckling softly. “I miss playing with you. Everyone on the NetGo misses you too, you know! Even now they’re still talking about you.”
Sai gazed at Shindou tenderly, eyes gentle and understanding, perhaps even a little melancholic if you know the spirit well like he did. Slowly, the silence started to squeeze the air out of his lung, eyes shimmering with droplets of tears as he choked out words.
“It’d be nice if you return…”
Shindou’s eyes dropped to his own feet as he clenched his hands tightly into fists and aggressively rubbed his eyes before taking a deep breath to face Sai once more, this time with a big smile.
“After all this time, I’m still hoping. How silly of me.” He muttered weakly, knowing full well that Sai’s disappearance was the catalyst of his increasing mental fortitude. It was painful to admit but, if Sai was still standing with him right now, he probably would remain a kid with a childlike passion for Go.
Shindou looked at the ray of light that spilled from beside him and he knew what it meant. It was time for Sai to leave. He had to wait for another few months before his next meeting with Sai, perhaps. It never ceased to disappoint him, but he understood that he had to keep going with his career.
This time, however, instead of the dream ending as is, Sai’s eyes continued to linger on Shindou and a shiver ran down his spine. It felt almost real, but he didn’t know how to interpret it. Could this be the last of their meeting? The smile Sai had looked the same as any other, but somehow it was electric and Shindou felt the goosebumps.
“Goodbye, Sai.” He muttered softly, not knowing what else to say.
He had expected to open his eyes and return to the real life where he would be sprawled on the bed with sunlight spilling into the room, perhaps an alarm clock going off reminding him of whatever it was that he needed to do that day. Perhaps a match? Just a friendly gathering? Or maybe just something as trivial as him forgetting to turn it off.
Instead, Sai stretched his hand towards the boy, palm facing him in a manner that almost pulled him into taking it. Shindou’s mind was blank as he returned the gesture and their fingers touched.
“Sai!” He yelled out only to see the whiteness of the ceiling in his bedroom, his right hand was up in the air. “Sai…” Sweat ran down his neck as he stared at his own hand, trying to remember how real it had felt.
After a moment of silence, Shindou looked to the side to see that it was already 10 AM. His entire body jerked up violently and his eyes wide open.
“Ahhh!” He cried out, charging out of the bedroom and stomping down the stairs loud enough to alarm his mother. “I’m gonna be late! See you later!” Shindou ran through the front door before she could say anything. He made it just in time for the train and for that he was grateful.
That day was his match against Ochi, their first match ever since the pro exam. It would be great to once again play him to see how far he had gotten. So far, his winning streak had remained, signifying his skill. Quickly taking off his shoes and left them strewn on the floor after reaching the destination, he ran into the match hall to see everyone had started and that the bespectacled boy waiting for him, expression no less than an annoyance.
“Please,” He huffed as soon as he assumed a seiza. As Ochi made his first move as black, Shindou used the moment to regain his breathing and focus. Taking the ogi fan from his pocket, he gripped it hard, eyes closed. When warmth began radiating from his being, he picked up the stone and started the game.
.
“Hey, Shindou.” Waya tapped the boy on the shoulder during their lunch break, and he sat next to him.
“Waya.” He regarded, fingers tracing the wooden desk lightly as he tried to plan his next form of attack against Ochi’s strong cluster. “Hmm…” He mulled while sipping on the boxed iced tea, index finger swirling around.
“Tough game?” The brunette speculated through the way his friend retained full focus even during break time. Behind him, Ochi was sitting in the other corner of the room, book open.
“I’m confident I’ll win, but it’ll be nice if I can figure out how to kill his upper left corner territory. I know there’s a way.” Shindou continued but sighing in the end after a futile attempt at grasping for the answer.
“Is Shindou here?” Isumi’s voice was audible in the hallway and he poked his head into the break room, catching sight of the boy he was looking for. “Someone’s looking for you.”
“Well, tell them not now. The match is resuming in 10 minutes.” Replied Shindou firmly, fingers still tapping the table. He didn’t want to lose focus by having guests at the moment. They can wait for a bit.
“She’s really desperate for you.” The black-haired male said at the cold response, clearly seeming a little uncomfortable as if he had been personally attacked. “Uhm, really desperate.”
“Why, you little!” Waya grinned at the prospect of Shindou’s girlfriend coming to cheer on him at the most crucial lunch break time.
“What?” He lifted his head. “A girl? Is it Akari? She should be at school right now.” Shindou pushed the chair back as he took a stand, slightly bothered that she would show up now of all time. Sure, he told her that he would return the book he borrowed from two months ago, but surely she could wait for a few more days?
Waya trailed behind Shindou, curious to see what kind of girl she would be. He had a shit eating grin on his face as he started thinking of ways to bother him with all sort of questions. If Shindou was interested in her, perhaps someone who’s good at Go? Or maybe he had other tastes?
Isumi exhaled loudly and followed suit. He didn’t really have any ulterior motive, unlike Waya. It was just the female on the ground floor seemed to be very panicked and agitated that he wanted to see if Shindou would be able to handle her properly. Even though he was a lot gentler nowadays, he still had his rough edges when dealing with females. It wasn’t as if he was particularly good either, but…
As they emerged from the elevator, Waya’s breath stopped. The girl wasn’t like he was expecting. Heck, she was a woman. Her figure was tall and slender even under the very simple pinkish red yukata, she boasted very long hair with dark purple colour and when she turned around with all the grace in the world, her lipstick was purple and eyelashes thick with fair complexion.
“Oi, Shindou—“ He stammered and turned his head to his friend just to see that blood had been drained from his face as if he just saw a ghost. His lips trembled, accompanied with eyes that seemed like they were about to pop out of their sockets. A droplet of sweat dropped from his forehead down to his chin as he shakily stepped forward.
“But, it’s—“ It should be impossible, he must be going insane. He clamped his eyes shut, even pinched his own arm, but the sight didn’t disappear and Shindou was convinced that he was having a lucid dream. “No. It can’t be.” He muttered to himself, Isumi and Waya merely stared at the boy, not know what to think of it.
“Hikaru!” The woman—no, man gasped.
“What are you doing here?” Shindou trembled, hands shivering as if he was naked amongst the snow.
“I don’t know what’s happening. When I opened my eyes, I—“
With a voice as loud as Waya and Isumi ever heard Shindou screamed, he charged forward, tears dripping from his eyes as he jumped into the stranger’s arms, who was as baffled as they were.
“SAI!”
“Eh?” Waya’s jaw threatened to drop onto the floor when he heard the familiar name escaping from Shindou’s lips. “S-Sai? SAI?!” He yelled out just as loudly, attracting everyone’s attention. Thousands of images of Sai appeared in his eyes, but that certainly wasn’t one of them. The man in front of him was about 30 years younger than he had previously imagined.
Soon, everyone in the hallway crowded the man accused of being Sai and gave him a quick inspection, gauging the validity of the statement. He was on his knees just as Shindou was. The poor boy’s tears overflowed and he sobbed uncontrollably, one hand slamming onto Sai’s chest weakly.
“Sai, Sai!” He repeated when he felt the so-very real hand patting him on the back. “I thought you—I thought you were gone forever!”
Isumi looked at the mess that Shindou was and assumed that his story was correct. Shindou must have thought that Sai died, hence why he stopped playing Go and why he had the fan. Perhaps it was a symbol of Sai. Perhaps Sai was the reason that he played Go. What he hadn’t expected was his apparent age. He must only be on his mid-20s, certainly far too young for plays as sophisticated as NetGo’s Sai’s.
“Is he really Sai?” Muttered the crowd as they looked at each other. “So young…”
Waya had some reason left in him as he didn’t try to immediately pressure Shindou into saying anything. Instead, he let the boy empty his tears until he was nothing more than a sobbing mess who looked up to face the man in front of him.
“Sai… you’re back…” He gasped. “How? I mean, you—“
“I don’t know how or why.” Sai whispered softly, almost mouthing the words, not wanting anyone else to hear him. “I panicked and I came here. I thought you’d be here and, uhm. Did I come at a bad time?”
“No! No. Not at all.” Shindou immediately answered, momentarily forgetting his match against Ochi that would be starting in a few more minutes. “Oh! Well, I have a match against Ochi.” He then added.
Sai nodded in understanding as he looked at how much attention they had on them. The crowd slowly began to dissipate as they picked up their phones, most likely to tell someone else about the sudden appearance of the internet legend Sai.
“Is it okay if I wait here until you’re finished?” He asked softly, looking at Waya and Isumi while knowing full well both of them recognised his name.
“I can stay with you.” Shindou insisted, eyes wide open to show how serious he was.
“No!” The man immediately objected and he crossed his arms. “You have to finish your match!” When he looked deep inside his student’s shaky and glistening eyes, he realised just what was worrying him. “I won’t go anywhere. I promise.” He said firmly. “When you’re done, I’ll be right here.”
“Well, you can at least wait near the match hall.” Waya cleared his throat while pointing at the elevator. “It’s much more comfortable there.”
“Yeah.” Isumi quickly added after glancing at the watch on his wrist. “Shindou, your match is resuming.”
So they made their way up, neither Isumi or Waya dared to ask a single question as they saw Shindou obviously was still shaken up, but relief written all over him.
“You can watch, Sai.” He grabbed the older male’s attention. “My match with Ochi, you can watch.”
“I don’t think anyone except pros and insei are allowed in the match hall.” The black haired male responded, obviously meaning well. He didn’t want anyone to get in trouble.
“It’s okay, Hikaru. I’ll just wait right here. Do your best!”
Shindou took a deep breath as he walked back into the room, hoping that the event that just transpired wouldn’t deter him from winning the game he knew he could succeed in. He closed his eyes tightly while trying to calm himself down. It took him 15 minutes to finally place a white stone on the board.
And when he won, sure enough, Sai was waiting for him.
[Inspiration pic, and probably what's gonna happen next chapter lol]
