Chapter Text
The article goes live on a Wednesday.
@SamwellSwallows: Hot off the press! We talked to our own SMH’s about their old captain Jack Zimmermann and his coming out journey. One player said being gay has nothing to do with how someone plays hockey. Want to know who it is and how he came to that conclusion? Article up on our digital site here: https://bit.ly/2RlR6if
“Soooo,” Chowder says, waving his phone in front of Dex’s face. “You read this yet?”
Dex frowns. “No.” He doesn’t make it a habit to read The Swallow, especially if it’s about the team. It just gets him angry, and Nursey says half the reason Dex is angry all the time is because he goes looking for reasons to be.
“Can I… read it to you?” he asks.
Dex glances back to his computer, adding a line of code with a shrug. “Sure.”
Chowder clears his throat. He starts to read the article. Dex, caught up in his coding, is hardly listening. He remembers when the “reporters” showed up at the rink and he remembers snapping at them before skating away, but it wasn’t anything super important. It had been a long and brutal practice, the Waffles fumbling more than anyone had been prepared for, and Dex was tired. He was tired and angry and he barely remembered talking to the Swallow at all.
Chowder snaps his fingers and Dex turns back to his friend. “Chowder,” Dex groans. “I was there. I know what I’ve said. I’ve got to finish this,” he says.
“You sure?”
“Pretty sure.”
“I'm not sure you’re sure, Dex.”
Dex huffs. “Fine. Keep going.”
Chowder reads on and Dex closes his laptop screen just a touch so he can pay more attention to his friend. Dex had seen the tweet but he just assumed it was about Bitty, since Bitty’s story seemed to be part of Jack’s story as well, and that’s what the article was about.
But.
“This is the important part,” Chowder says, and he’s being pretty serious so Dex gives him the attention that he’d originally asked for because Chowder’s rarely serious like this. “‘When speaking with one William Poindexter, current d-man of Samwell’s men’s hockey team, we were surprised with his lack of interest in the subject of Jack Zimmermann’s live kiss.’”
“Because they should leave Jack alone,” Dex comments.
“‘It’s a big deal for kids who look up to him,’ Poindexter said, ‘and important when thinking about homophobia in hockey. And we’re all happy for him and [Eric Bittle]. But I don’t see why Jack being bisexual has anything to do with how he plays.’”
“Because it doesn’t,” Dex mutters, feeling angry again.
“‘And when asked further on the comment, Poindexter said,’” Chowder pauses, looking kind of nervous, “and this is a quote, Dex.”
Dex searches his mind, trying to remember that afternoon. It wasn’t even a minute long. It couldn’t be that important. “What did I say?” he asks.
“‘If liking men made you a bad hockey player, I wouldn’t be on the team.’”
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Slowly, Chowder looks back to him. Dex blinks. “I didn’t say that,” he manages.
“You are quite literally quoted,” Chowder says.
This is not how Dex wanted to do this.
Dex shakes his head, feeling the color drain from his face. “Chowder, I…” he trails off, looking up at his friend. Did he say that? Was he joking around? Maybe he’d been joking around. But since when does Dex joke around? Was he fucking out of his mind? “It’s not--”
“Dex,” Chowder half-whispers, sounding half-desperate. Because not even Chowder knows. No one on this goddamn team knows. “We can have them take it down.”
Dex’s stomach rolls. “Chowder,” he starts again. “I’m not…”
Chowder crosses the room to him, placing his hand on Dex’s shoulder and squeezing once. “Okay,” he says. “I’m on your side always. And we can get them to take this down! I just thought that you’d want to know because the rest of the paragraph really derails from there and, well.”
Dex jerks his head into a nod, disoriented. Did he really say that? What was he thinking!
“I mean I am,” he says, because it’s Chowder and he can’t fucking lie to Chowder, even if Dex can’t put words to it yet. “But I’m not--”
Chowder squeezes his shoulder again. “What do you need me to do?”
Dex’s hands are shaking. He’s normally so good in moments like this. Things click together and unwind more easily when there’s pressure. But there’s a block here and he can’t think. How many people read The Swallow? He’s never mentioned that paper to his mom, right? It’s not even a paper, it's a fucking gossip blog, that’s all. And how often does she Google search his name, anyway? He never did tell her how to put an alert on new articles, not that The Swallow is going to come up as news. And--
“I’m going to have them take it down,” Chowder says.
He leaves Dex alone, his program flashing in front of him, his fingers unable to move.
Dex was not prepared to come out.
His family doesn’t know. None of his friends. Hell, he’s hardly even fucking admitted it to himself. Samwell wasn’t just a good school that offered him a good scholarship, Samwell was a chance for him to be himself.
Not before he was ready. Not because The Swallow published a quote of his for the entire fucking campus to read.
Eventually.
What the fuck is he supposed to do now?
Long story short: the article stays up.
Because The Swallow is the fucking worst.
It’s not… noticeably a big deal. He searches his name on Twitter and finds a few guys from Samwell tweeting about Dex being gay a dream come true, but no one really says anything to his face. Bitty tries to check in on him without checking in on him. Chowder always asks if he wants to talk. Even Shitty texts to see how he’s doing. Nursey… says nothing, but that’s probably better for everyone.
But it’s the only thing that Dex can think about. Are his teammates whispering about him and speculating? Probably. Do they think it’s rude to just ask, or are they afraid he’s really gay? Bitty’s gay, and everyone loves Bitty. So maybe they just hate him?
Dex is spiraling. He’s always fucking spiraling.
So he intentionally comes out to the team.
By the time he does it, a full week after The Swallow article, it’s fucking awful, because it’s not how he wants to do it at all and most of them already know. The rumors have been circulating for days and the looks from other athletes are starting to follow him wherever he goes and just--God, this sucks. This fucking sucks so fucking much.
He stands in the locker room with his hands by his side, his face unsure if it wants to burn red or flush white, and stutters out a speech that’s hardly prepared.
“Uh,” he scans the boys, looking for disgust in their eyes, but doesn’t find any. “So. Apparently I outed myself to The Swallow.” The locker room fills with nervous chuckles, but falls silent when Dex adds, “Who then outed me to everyone else.” He takes a deep breath. “And it wasn’t how I wanted this to happen, but.” He clears his throat and looks toward the ceiling. “Yeah, I’m gay. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys but my family is going to--” he chokes out a laugh, thinking about it. “Freak. They’re going to fucking freak, so.”
“Dex!” Bitty hops up, placing his hand on Dex’s forearm. “Thank you for telling us,” he says. “If you ever need anything we’re all here to support you.”
“Always!” Chowder agrees with a grin, and when Chowder’s on board so is everyone else, so the room fills with quiet but supportive mumbles. “Dex, we love you man!”
“Yeah. Thanks, guys. I don’t--” he drags his hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I don’t want this to be a thing. I’m sorry.”
“No, no,” Bitty gushes. “Never be sorry!”
He starts going on about the importance of community in team sports and the power of friendship and acceptance and it’s all really inspiring and true, but Dex’s ears are burning and he absolutely never wants to talk about this again. He settles down in his cubbie and Chowder beams at him from across the way and Dex sighs, feeling more tired than he has in a long time.
It’s just.
As much as Dex wants to be loud and proud and walk the streets during Pride and hold hands with a guy in public he’s honestly really fucking terrified.
Chowder gives him a hug once they’re dismissed and the coaches ask if Dex needs any other support as they’re happy to figure out some counseling situation but Dex insists he’ll be okay.
The second he’s on the ice, things starts to settle within him. Dex always feels more put together on the ice. Hockey is the one thing that he’s always done on his own, the one thing that he’s had the most control over. He paid for his own equipment and he put in the time for training and he goes to the gym and he’s good at what he does. No one can tell him that he isn’t. Dex has worked so fucking hard to get to where he is and the stress of his day doesn’t get to follow him here.
Until it does.
Nursey skates over to him after a few drills.
“So this gay thing,” Nursey starts, which immediately sets Dex’s blood boiling. He’s immediately angry. “You could’ve told me, dude.”
“That’s the point, Nurse,” he grits out. “I didn’t tell anyone.”
Nursey’s face is annoyingly neutral. “But you could’ve told me.” If not even Chowder got the inside scoop on Dex’s sexuality, what the hell makes Nursey think he should have the right? “I’m your roommate,” he elaborates. “You’re my d-man partner. I’m queer as fuck, Dex. I’m just saying--” he shakes his head a little. “I didn't want to like--corner you in the room but if you felt like you couldn’t trust me then I’m sorry.”
Dex swallows, because that’s not what he was expecting. “What.”
“Coming out is hard,” Nursey says, shrugging. “My parents are chill so it wasn’t a big deal. But it’s easier when you’ve got people.” He gestures to the ice where their team is working on some drills. “We’re your people.” He takes a deep breath, amending himself. “I’ve got your back.”
“Nursey--”
“And if our shit these past couple of years made you feel like I didn’t then I’m sorry.” Dex doesn’t know how to respond. He feels the tension in his shoulders ease as he studies the look on Nursey’s face--genuinely regretful. “For someone who prides himself on being pretty chill I tend to make a lot of assumptions about people,” he says, still looking at Dex. “I made some about you. I’m sorry.”
Today has been overwhelming enough, but multiple apologies from Nursey that Dex definitely doesn’t deserve? Cherry on top of the shake.
“It’s fine,” he says. “It wasn’t you.”
Nursey shrugs. “It couldn’t have helped,” he says. “Hey, if you need help finding a winter screw date, then I know some guys with nice hands who--” Dex rolls his eyes and skates away at the sound of Nursey’s laughter. “I’m joking!” he calls. “Mostly!”
But in their room that night, back in the Haus, the words from the rink come back to him. Nursey’s in his bed with his headphones in, eyebrows furrowed as he underlines something in the paperback he’s been reading, and Dex can’t stop looking at him. It’s true that they’ve struggled to get along, and even now there are some things that they just bicker about because they can, but Dex trusts Nursey. He trusts all the guys on the team.
“Nursey,” he says, and without looking up Nursey tugs out one headphone to listen while he continues working. “What kind of assumptions did you make about me?”
Nursey, still not looking at him, smirks. “Might be better if we just let that one go, Poindexter.”
He can assume. Dex came to Samwell with maybe not the best opinions, and while he’s still unlearning problematic behavior he knows what people see in him. Besides, attempting to be seen as straight when you’re pretty deep in the closet can lead to some not great comments.
“It was never because of you,” Dex says. “Or the team.”
Nursey tugs out his other earphone and turns to him. “Just your family, then?” he asks softly, and Dex can’t bring himself to respond because it almost sounds like Nursey’s pitying him, and if Dex goes down that rabbit hole this whole conversation is going to explode. “Are you going to tell them?”
Dex takes a deep breath, prepares himself to answer, and doesn’t say anything.
"Do you want to?" Nursey wonders.
“It’s just--not that simple,” he says. “You know how I used to be.”
Nursey tips his head to the side. “Used to be?”
“Don’t make me throw something at you.”
“Okay, okay,” Nursey surrenders, still grinning. “Of course I remember.”
“So that’s my entire fucking town,” Dex tells him. “But worse. So much worse.”
“So your town sucks,” Nursey concludes. “But you came from your family, you know? Do you think they’re more on your side, or?”
Dex is quiet long enough that even Nursey sits up completely in bed. Dex really doesn’t know.
“Could go either way,” he finally says. He’s heard the comments and seen the looks but his family is pretty full of love. They fight over rent checks and groceries and phone bills but they would do anything for each other, always. Normally. “I really don’t know.”
Nursey nods solemnly.
“Well,” he says. “You’ve got people. Bitty’s working on being loud and proud too, with his parents. And like I said, with me. But there are some other guys on the team too, who… yeah. Just.” Nursey offers a smile. “You need people for this. You don’t have to do it alone.”
“Hashtag it gets better,” Dex mutters.
“It does,” Nursey insists. “I’m trying to be serious here, Dex.”
“Thank you,” he rushes, all in a breath, dropping his gaze toward the ground. It’s nice to talk about this like it’s a normal thing. Dex knows this is going to be hard and Nursey’s right--he’s got a lot of people who support him. “You can go back to work now.”
Nursey, thankfully, tips his head and plugs his headphones in without question.
The more time passes from the release of the article, the less of a big deal it feels like.
Until the kegster.
Nursey and Chowder planned their first Haus party and it’s going pretty well, but Dex is hardly ever in a party mood these days. Still he forces himself to mingle and the music isn’t nearly as bad as it could be.
Dex is two drinks in when someone slides into the spot beside him on the couch. Half expecting it to be Chowder as Chowder is one of the only people who ever engages with him during a kegster, he turns with a grin, which fades when he spots Gordon Perez from the Samwell baseball team sitting beside him with a soft smile. Dex swallows.
“Perez,” he greets.
“Poindexter,” Perez returns. He’s beautiful. It’s unfair that so many men at this stupid school are so fucking beautiful. It’s hard enough being on the hockey team with so many of them, even worse when the fucking baseball team shows up. “I read about you in The Swallow the other week,” he says.
Dex’s stomach drops. Every day that passes without a mention of that article, Dex starts thinking he’s free. And then shit like this happens.
He turns, scanning for a familiar face. Maybe Nursey was right, maybe he really does need people. Especially if the baseball team thinks they can come to their fucking Haus and start shit. Dex isn’t necessarily itching for a fight but he’ll swing if he has to.
“Hope you didn’t lose any brain cells,” Dex mutters before taking a sip of his beer. “The Swallow’s full of it.”
“So you’re not gay?” he asks. Perez ducks his head. “Because that’d be a total fucking bummer.” Something in Dex’s chest sparks into a flame. He turns back to Perez, blushing, and oh. He’s not looking for a fight. “I saw your shot last game,” he carries on, turning back to face Dex, not letting the silence linger. “Fucking awesome, Will.”
“I--I, oh--well, that’s, haha,” Dex stumbles over his words, knowing that his face is probably a darker shade of red than his hair. The baseball player arches an amused eyebrow, grinning now. He’s flirting with him. He’s not picking a fight, Gordon Perez is just fucking flirting with him. “Wow. I mean--thanks. Thank you. Were you--were you there? Or--?”
“Nah, just caught the highlights.”
“Cool, cool. Yeah.” Dex takes another drink before deciding to just knock the whole thing back. “Thanks.”
“Totally. You and Nurse are one fucking team, man.”
Dex is not prepared for this. He can’t handle flirting in general but for the entirety of his life it’s pretty much always been girls. And he was never interested in girls. They were mostly distractions, or an ego-boost. It never actually led anywhere.
This could lead somewhere? The thought of that makes Dex’s stomach roll.
He’s not ready.
“Yeah, Nursey’s. Yeah.” He coughs to clear his throat. “I’m out,” he says, holding up his beer bottle. “So I’m gonna--”
Perez nods, a slow grin finding his face. “Come back after?” he wonders. “Maybe you and I could get out of here.”
“Maybe,” Dex manages.
He tries to be composed as he stands but honestly, Dex just kind of runs away.
To be fair, he does go to the kitchen to get another drink, but it’s mostly an excuse to breathe.
Gordon Perez is attractive. Sure. And they’re friendly. Most of the athletes know each other due to various mandatory social events, and the fact that they all live in this row of houses. But they’re not friends. And get out of here? That could mean so many things. What’s he looking for? Sex? To talk? That’s too vague.
Not that Dex is really opposed to sex, or talking, but it’s got to be the right person. He’s managed a few kisses with a few guys over the years, and maybe an orgasm or two, but he was closeted then. And so were the other guys. And Dex knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going anywhere.
And he knows, logically, that just because he’s sort-of Out now doesn’t mean anything. He could just hook up with people if he really wanted to. It doesn’t have to be something real.
But being sort-of Out is a lot to work through, and he wants to work through it before acting on it. And really, Dex isn’t much of a blowjob and run kind of guy. He always thought that once he was Really Out (and not sort-of Out) that he’d be able to do that. Real solid commitment.
But he’s in-between stages and trying to process and even flirting is making him anxious in ways he is incredibly unprepared for.
He considers opening another beer but finds a bottle of Fireball stashed in the freezer and takes a shot alone instead.
“Dex, hey!” he hears, and turns to find Bitty approaching him with a grin and a dude by his side. Dex’s throat is burning but he manages a smile. “There you are! This is Dex,” Bitty says to the guy. “Dex, this is Patrick. He’s the guy I told you about. From that club?”
Patrick’s the president of the QSU.
“Right,” Dex exhales. “Yeah.” He looks to his friend. “Bitty I’m not really…”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Patrick says as Bitty trails off. “Eric gave me a rundown of your situation.”
“I hope that’s okay,” Bitty rushes. “I mean, I know we talked about it, but--”
“No, that’s fine,” Dex says, waving his hand and trying to embody as much of Nursey’s chill as he can. The whole of Samwell probably knows the story by now. “Really.”
“Cool,” Patrick says with a smile, and he’s fucking attractive too, which is bullshit. Tall and lean with a mop of messy black hair and a cheek dimple on his left. “Wanna chat for a sec? I know it’s got to be hard with everything going on, and--”
“It--yeah, listen,” Dex cuts him off. He doesn’t want to be rude. He really, really doesn’t. But he can’t do this tonight. “I’m really sorry. I’m not feeling great tonight,” he says. “Bitty can get you my number, maybe?”
“I’d love to!” Bitty says. “And I’ll bring you along to one of the meetings if you wanna come?”
“Maybe,” Dex says again. “Thanks Bitty. Sorry, Patrick.”
Patrick nods, understanding. “I get it. It’s a lot. I just want you to know how many people are behind you, Will.”
“Thanks,” he forces out.
Dex takes the stairs two at a time to get to his room, desperate to be alone.
Nursey is already there.
He’s got his phone held up to his ear and is speaking in loud Spanish and he tips his head at Dex as he enters. “Ah, I gotta go, Mama,” he says. Nursey chuckles and Dex closes his eyes, letting the sound of it wash over him. “Si, claro. Mm-kay. Love you too.”
Dex’s eyes are still closed. “How’s your mom?” he asks.
“She’s good.” Dex hits his head backwards. “How’s the kegster?”
“I can’t do this,” Dex answers. He keeps his eyes closed because he can’t look at Nursey as he says this. “I can’t do the flirting and the clubs and the--” he cuts himself off so he can take a deep breath. “I’m just not there yet. I wasn’t ready to come out, Nursey.”
He hears Nursey exhale. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Dex chokes out. He just breathes for a second, feeling his tongue loosen from the alcohol. Thank you, Fireball. “Fucking--Gordon Perez wanted to get out of here?” he asks.
Nursey laughs, but just once. “I’d let him fuck me into the mattress,” he says.
Dex’s eyes burst open. “Nursey,” he scolds, and Nursey laughs again.
“Sorry not sorry. What else?”
“Bitty brought the QSU president,” he murmurs.
“Patrick’s chill,” Nursey says.
“And that’s great,” Dex says. “But it doesn’t matter how hot Perez is or how--” he cringes, “--chill Patrick is. I’m not ready for it.”
Nursey nods slowly. “Okay, yeah. I get that.” Dex feels some of the tension leave him as he exhales. “What can I do?” Nursey finally asks, voice soft and void of chirping.
“Can you make it stop?” Dex asks.
Nursey blinks a few times, thinking, but Dex knows the answer he’s going to give. “Probably not,” he says.
Dex closes his eyes again. “Even just part of it…” he mutters, mostly to himself. If he can remove one aspect of Gay Stress from his life, it would be great. “If I could just turn off one thing, Nurse,” Dex carries on. He feels desperate for air, like he can’t fucking breathe. “Just one thing.”
“Okay,” he says. “Pick one.”
“Perez,” Dex answers instantly. His eyes open. “The flirting.” He needs to get his wits about him before he starts thinking about making out with a dude in earnest. “How do you make it stop?”
“What, people flirting with you?” Nursey asks, and at once Dex realizes how fucking stupid that sounds. Nursey’s Nursey. People will flirt with him literally no matter what. He’s fucking beautiful. But then he says, “You make yourself unavailable.”
Dex is surprised for a real answer. “How?”
“Tell them no,” Nursey says. Dex thunks his head backwards against the door, because that doesn’t feel like enough. “Take yourself off the market.”
“What, like get a boyfriend?” Dex asks. He laughs. He actually, honest to God laughs. “Nursey, come fucking on.”
“Do you not want one?” he asks. “Are you not looking to date? Bruh, I don’t know your head.”
“I just want to breathe,” Dex tells him, feeling like he’s about to erupt. “I don’t want to date anyone, I don’t want anyone trying to date me. I don’t want the awkwardness of trying to figure out the hidden meaning behind every conversation. I don’t want people trying to second guess if I’m flirting with them because I’m definitely not. I just--”
“So date me,” Nursey says, cutting him off with a shrug.
Dex’s jaw drops. “What.”
Nursey grins, clearly thinking this is funny, which it is not.
“Date me,” he says again. “Not for real. But I’m not looking for anything right now and it is exhausting to have to explain to all of these beautiful people who want to date me why I don’t want to date them. Takes pressure off me, takes pressure off you.”
“I--what?” Nursey only said half of that shit to piss him off but he’s too confused to take a jab at him. “What are you saying?”
“We’ll tell people we’re dating,” Nursey says. “The team’ll know it’s not real. But word’ll spread. People’ll lay off. Give you your space.”
Dex forces himself to swallow. “Sorry. You want me. To… fake date you?”
Nursey’s still grinning. “No. I don’t want you to fake date me. I am merely offering it as a potential solution to this problem you seem to be having.”
Dex… considers it.
“That’s stupid,” he says.
Nursey tips his head to the side, looking amused. “Uh-huh.”
But the thing is, Dex and Nursey already spend an absurd amount of time together.
They’re roommates so they know one another’s schedules, meaning they meet up for lunch on campus at least twice a week, and they’ve got hockey so they’re always walking to practice together, and if they’re not at the Haus enjoying the team or the weather, they’re tucked under some trees near the library or in the library itself getting work done.
If they start a rumor that they’re dating, people might actually believe it.
“That means people would think that you’re dating me,” Dex says, because it’s not really a one way street in these situations.
Nursey nods again. “Yeah, true.” Dex pauses, as if to say, are you realllly sure you want that? “Jesus, Poindexter, you really don’t give yourself enough credit, do you?” Before Dex has time to unpack that, Nursey’s speaking again. “Do you want me to be your fake boyfriend or not?”
“What’re the rules?” Dex blurts, instead of saying no, like any other rational human being.
Nursey laughs. “Of course you need rules,” he says, almost sounding fond. “So we’re doing this? I really don’t mind.”
Dex needs to do this. He needs the breathing room. More than anything, he needs to be in control of something going on in his life.
“Yeah,” Dex says, nodding. “Let’s do this.”
@SamwellSwallows: OUCH! When we make mistakes, boy do we make them! Public apology and statement here: https://bit.ly/2RJMOjB
Dex reads The Swallow’s apology to him more than once, but it doesn’t matter, because the damage has already been done. They sound genuine, because coming-out is a bitch and a half and most of the people who write for The Swallow are queer themselves and know how important and special it is, but still.
They leave the original article up.
Assholes.
Unknown
Hey Will! This is Patrick.
Eric gave me your number.
“Fuck,” Dex says, a touch too loud for the library.
Nursey, sitting across from him, smirks. “Yes, dear?” he asks. Dex slides his phone across the table to him. “You expect me to know how to use a fucking android, dude?”
“Just read the goddamn screen,” Dex mutters.
Nursey squints down at the phone before lighting up. “Aw, man! I love Patrick. Why the fuck?” The phone buzzes before Dex can grab it back. “Oh, that’s why.”
Patrick
I know things with you have been hectic lately.
I saw The Swallow’s apology, if you can even call it that.
But I want you to know you have a lot of support. Would you want to grab coffee sometime and talk?
“Don’t text him back,” Dex says. Nursey is texting him back. “I thought you didn’t know how to use a fucking android,” Dex growls, leaning across the table to try and grab his phone, but Nursey scoots back and out of reach. “Nurse!”
“Chill,” he says, sending the message. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Shut up, Aladdin.”
Nursey beams. “I’ll be Aladdin for Halloween if you go as Peter Pan.”
He slides the phone back across the table to Dex, who huffs. “You’ll be Aladdin anyway.”
“That’s such a fucking good costume, dude.”
Will
Hey Patrick thanks for reaching out. Unsure if you’re asking for coffee for date reasons or friend reasons. If it’s date - I actually have a boyfriend. If it’s friend - I’m free Tuesday afternoon.
Dex looks up at Nursey before saying, “This is a pretty good text. Even though I don’t want coffee with Patrick at all.”
“People,” Nursey reminds him. It’s good to have people. Dex exhales slowly. “We can go to QSU meetings if you want,” Nursey carries on. “I’ve gone a few times.”
Patrick
Oh!
Haha
Just as friends
I see how that reads though
Congrats on the boyfriend
“Gimme your phone,” Nursey says, reaching out across the table for it.
“No.”
“Gimme!”
Dex slides it back. “I don’t want to go to QSU yet.”
“Okay,” Nursey says, typing. “But if you do.”
Will
Derek Nurse is a pain in the ass but he’s my pain in the ass
“This is so clearly a sex joke,” Dex groans when he finally gets his phone back. Nursey goes back to work, looking smug.
Patrick
Derek sure is something that’s true
I’ll check my schedule and text you about Tuesday?
Will
Sounds good
“How have you mastered texting like me?” Dex asks, browsing the messages again once the conversation with Patrick is over.
“Because you text like a 30 year old math teacher,” Nursey answers easily. “Abbreviations exist, Dexy.”
“Tbh,” Dex says, “I hate you.”
Nursey laughs. “Look at me, already rubbing off on you.”
“Enough sex jokes.”
“You’ve got such a dirty mind, babe.”
“Babe?” Chowder asks, approaching the library table that they’ve claimed. Farmer’s probably grabbing them coffee and will be here soon. Nursey leans back, resting his hands behind his head with a grin. “Did you two finally kiss and make up?” he teases, settling down beside Dex.
“Just flirting with my boyfriend,” Nursey answers casually.
Chowder’s mouth falls open. “Boyfriend?” he echoes. He turns to look at Dex. “Very funny.” But neither of them comment, and Nursey looks a little smug. Chowder stands at once, barely having sat down at all. “Are you two--you two aren’t dating are you? That’s a joke. You’re--what’s happening?”
“You’re doing great, C,” Nursey says with a smile. “Now shout something about me and Dex dating so the whole library hears.”
“You and Dex are dating?!”
People’s heads turn. Someone literally stands from their own table to see who it is that Chowder’s talking about.
Nursey grins. “Perfect. Now sit down.”
Chowder looks helplessly at Dex. “Sit down,” Dex echoes with a sigh. And then, softer, “We’re not actually dating.” Chowder settles down, eyes still wide and mouth still gaping. “We’re just pretending?”
The shock on Chowder’s face morphed into confusion. “Explain.”
By the time they finished explaining, Farmer shows up, and they have to explain what’s going on all over again. She slurps loudly from her frappuccino and smiles as Nursey finishes up the story a second time.
“This isn’t gonna backfire at all,” she says.
“Please don’t give me the added stress of worrying about that,” Dex mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Nursey reaches across the table like he’s reaching for Dex. “It’ll be fine,” he promises. Dex crosses his arms over his chest. “When have I ever led you astray?” he asks.
“That one time we got super stoned when we were already drunk from the kegster,” Chowder supplies immediately, “and you told Dex that the spins weren’t normal and we ended up in a 24/7 Walgreens trying to by nausea medicine.”
Dex’s face burns. “Why did you have that example on tap?” he mutters.
“I think about that night all the goddamn time,” Chowder answers.
“Still really wish you would delete the evidence.”
“You sprawled out on your back in aisle 5 begging God to release you from your flesh prison is going to be imprinted in my brain for forever,” Chowder says.
Nursey laughs and Dex shoots him a look. “Sorry babe,” Nursey says. “That shit was too funny. But--really, this’ll be fine.”
“Mm-hm,” Farmer agrees. “Totally.” Chowder frowns at his girlfriend and she shrugs, a smile on her face. “It’ll be fine!” she agrees dramatically. “Will,” Farmer turns to him. “I’m sorry The Swallow sucks ass.”
He ducks his head, letting himself exhale. “Yeah me too. Thanks.”
“No, but for real,” Chowder finally agrees. “It’s an insane idea but Nursey’s not gonna let anything bad happen to you. None of us are.” Farmer nods in agreement, and when Dex looks back to Nursey he’s smiling. “When ya gonna make the big announcement?” he asks.
Dex and Nursey tell (a few people on) the team after their Friday night game.
They decided that it was better if not all of the team knew, not because they don’t trust them but because some of them are more prone to gossip than others, and the more people who believe it the better. So long as the people who matter most to them know they’re not being lied to.
Besides, they’re all riding this win so they’re more likely to just go with it.
When they announce it, Ollie and Wicks exchange a look like they can’t believe it and Bitty’s eyebrows shoot right up his forehead.
“And this is…” Bitty wonders, “because Dex doesn’t want people flirting with him?”
“The logic is not soundproof,” Dex admits tiredly.
“You’re adults,” Bitty rushes, holding up his hands as if to show he’s not going to challenge them.
“We need you all to help spread the word,” Nursey carries on. “Specifically, at the kegster tonight.”
“People are gonna be devastated you’re already off the market,” Wicks says.
“Like for real,” Ollie agrees. “But we got you.”
“For real.”
Bitty says something about how he’s sure it won’t even come up but agrees to be supportive. Shitty and Jack show up a few minutes later and chaos erupts. Shitty hurries upstairs to help Lardo make some tub juice and Jack is whisked away by Bitty and they open the doors to whoever’s on their way.
Dex makes his usual rounds (albeit a bit faster than usual) before finding Nursey still in the kitchen, perched with two plastic cups. He offers it up and Dex nods, thanking him with a smile. He must’ve got them from upstairs while Dex was socializing.
“Perez is here,” Nursey says, passing Dex his cup. Dex groans and closes his eyes. “What do you want me to do? I can challenge him to a sing-off for your hand, and--”
“No, stop,” Dex mutters, opening his eyes to find Nursey smirking. “Just don’t leave me alone.”
“Easy,” Nursey hums. He reaches out with his free hand to lace their fingers together. He pulls Dex a step closer and Dex lets himself be pulled but turns, taking a big swig of his drink as he does so. “My hands are gonna be all over you,” Nursey murmurs while Dex is still drinking and he nearly chokes. “You wanted the Derek Nurse boyfriend experience,” Nursey reminds him warmly.
Dex lowers his drink. “Fine.”
“It wasn’t an option, baby.” Nursey’s voice is warm and he’s still smiling. It makes Dex’s stomach roll. “Tell me if it’s too much,” he adds.
Dex nods and stubbornly tries to keep the red from his face. He’s going to need a lot of alcohol tonight, he thinks.
When Holster and Ransom show up they’ve got a keg so there’s not much time to greet them and loop them into the fake dating thing. They say quick hellos before dispersing into the crowd.
It’s a pretty standard party at first. Even though Dex knows he should go easy seeing as he’s on perpetual Nursey Patrol with this fake dating thing (one of Ollie and Wicky’s conditions), he finishes his first cup of tub juice in record time. Nursey nurses his own.
“We have to make an announcement,” he says.
Dex wishes he hadn’t downed his cup so fast because now he’s itching for it. “Like. An announcement?” Dex asks. “What’s that mean?”
“People see me like this,” Nursey says, leaning close, “they’ll just think I’m drunk.”
“Aren’t you?”
Nursey smirks. “Poindexter, please don’t insult me.” He rearranges himself in front of Dex. “You want people to know you’re mine, right?”
Dex’s ears are burning. “Is this how you talk to all the people you date or are you being dramatic?”
“I’m setting the scene,” Nursey says. He keeps his voice soft, his mouth close to Dex’s. “Relax a little, Dex. We’re at a party in the Haus. No one here’s gonna fuck with you.” Dex’s eyes drift shut. He can feel the music shaking the building, he can feel Nursey in his space. “We don’t have to do this,” Nursey reminds him.
“We already told Bitty,” Dex mutters. “Now we have to follow through.” Nursey laughs and pulls back, giving Dex enough courage to open his eyes again. “I need another drink,” Dex tells him. “I’ll be back.”
“I’ll set a plan.”
“God help us.”
Nursey’s laughter follows Dex as he races up the stairs with his plastic cup to get more tub juice. When he gets back downstairs, Nursey’s formed a small crowd around him and fills Dex in immediately. Everyone’s been recruited to start a casual conversation with someone relevant and draw them in. And then the couple announcement will be made.
“Seems dramatic,” Dex muses.
“Did you expect anything less?” Farmer asks.
Holster and Ransom are chatting up two volleyball players who might know April and March and behind them are the Swallow staff members that Chowder and Farmer slowly coaxed this way by aggressively making out a in their peripheral. Shitty struck up a conversation with a few newer captains because he wanted to make sure Bitty wasn’t being fucked over and slowly started easing this way to add to the nearby listeners.
“The more important people who overhear that we’re together,” Nursey reasons, “the faster it’ll spread.”
“Seems doubtful,” Dex responds.
“If you change your mind,” Nursey starts singing, which throws Dex so off that he almost spills some of his tub juice. “I’m the first in line.”
Holster stops mid conversation and turns to Nursey with a grin, “Honey I’m still free!”
“Take a chance on me!” Nursey sings back.
Together they sing, “If you need me, let me know, gonna be around! If you’ve got no place to go if you’re feeling down!” Nursey and Holster high-five the second they’re done, Holster grinning like a big doof with Ransom shaking his head fondly behind him.
“Dude!” Holster laughs. “Yes!”
“Parties need more singing,” Nursey returns. "Told you I'd get a sing-off. Idea,” he says, turning to Dex. “Karaoke kegster.”
“So many people would come to that,” Ransom adds, joining the conversation. “You could get so many people to do duets. Ollie and Wicky,” he says.
“Or Jack and Bitty,” Holster agrees.
“Or our new favorite couple,” Chowder blurts. Holster and Ransom exchange a look before Chowder shouts, “Nursey and Dex!”
Everyone nearby stops what they’re doing and turns. Nursey is moving with ease in Dex’s direction, like he doesn’t even have to think about it. He drapes his arm over Dex’s shoulder and tugs him close while waving to everyone with the other arm.
“It’s still new,” Nursey says. Then, because he must know a Swallow “reporter” is nearby, adds, “We’re trying to keep it quiet.”
“Huh,” Ransom says. “Like, you two are dating?”
“Us two are dating,” Nursey says.
“Legitimately?” Holster presses.
“Weird for me too,” Chowder says.
“Legitimately,” Dex finally comments.
Ransom nods. “Nice.”
“How’d it happen?” Holster asks.
“Oh--please,” Dex stutters out. He hasn’t been able to tell them yet but Holster and Ransom are both beaming at him. “Not now?”
“Sure, dude,” Holster says. “No biggie. We’ve got all night.”
“And a fucking group text that you have clearly been neglecting,” Ransom adds.
“And like, a million more ABBA songs to be sung.”
Nursey and Holster high-five another time while Dex knocks back most of his second cup of tub juice. He feels like he’s in high school again, the way he watches people just outside their bubble whisper to one another while looking in his direction. He tenses a little and Nursey redirections his attention back to him, one of his eyebrows slowly creeping up his forehead.
“Nothing,” Dex murmurs.
Nursey leans up and presses a soft kiss to Dex’s temple. It’s stupidly familiar and soft in ways that Dex isn't prepared for. He did say he'd be all over him to night, but Dex had pictured it looking different.
Not five minutes later, Farmer tells Dex to check Twitter.
@SamwellSwallows: Still trying to figure out who the gayest team at Samwell is? Confirmed from their latest hockey #kegster -- Nurse and Poindexter are a Thing! Massive points for #SMH. #nurseydex anyone?
“That was fast,” Dex mutters. He shoves his phone back into his pocket with a sigh and finishes his drink.
Nursey rests his hand on Dex’s lower back, firm and gentle all at once. “You still feeling okay about this?”
“Yeah. Just need more alcohol.”
“Finish that first,” Nursey says, gesturing to the cup in his hand. “I’ll be right back.”
Nursey leaves him with Farmer and Chowder, dragging Holster and Ransom along with him. The crowd pushes in and sends them farther down the hallway from where they started. At some point Farmer gets distracted by the volleyball girls that had been talking to Holster and Ransom, and eventually Chowder gets distracted by Farmer, and before he knows it Dex is alone.
It doesn’t last long.
Gordon Perez swoops in like he’d been waiting.
“Poindexter,” he greets.
“Perez,” Dex returns.
“Come here often?”
“I live here, dude.”
Perez laughs. “Right. So I saw the Swallow.”
“I feel like we’ve had this conversation?” Dex wonders.
“No, their tweet from tonight.” He shakes his head a little. “No wonder you ran off on me,” Perez says with a grin as he leans against the wall like he wants to drag this conversation out. Dex has no desire for this to happen. “You had Nurse waiting for you.”
Dex drops his head and lifts his cup for a drink. “Sorry.”
“Nah, hey, I get it.” Still, his smile is lazy. “But that might not work out. I mean it’s Nurse, we’re talking about.”
Dex’s eyes grow dark. “And?”
“I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to keep your options open,” Perez says with a shrug. “He acts like he’s all chill but Derek’s a fucking mess and he’ll screw anything that walks. Just be careful.”
“Fuck you,” Dex snaps, immediate.
Perez’s smile slips. “I’m just warning--”
“No, fuck you,” Dex says again. “You don’t know Nursey. And you don’t know me, if you think that I’m just going to sit here and let you shit talk my fucking boyfriend.” He stands up a little straighter, shaking his head. “Get the fuck away from me.”
Perez leans off the wall. “Calm down, Poindexter.”
“Please don’t make me swing in my own Haus,” Dex growls, clenching his cup so hard in his fist that it crackles. He knows that Perez has barely even said anything but honestly how fucking dare him. “Because honestly I'm starting to want to.”
“I didn’t even say--!”
“Whoa, whoa,” Nursey returns, easing himself between the two of them at once. He angles his body’s in Dex’s direction and blocks his view of Perez. “What’s going on?” he asks and there’s real concern in his voice.
“I was just telling him to go,” Dex grits out.
“Seems your presence isn’t wanted, Perez,” Nursey says loudly, though his attention is still on Dex. “So fuck off already.” Perez mutters something distasteful before marching away in the opposite direction. Nursey swiftly takes his place, leaning against the wall. “I got held up by Lardo,” Nursey offers. “The fuck did I miss?”
“He was talking shit,” Dex mutters. He lifts his drink and finishes it off before finding a nearby trash bin to toss it into. It’s almost overflowing so it nearly bounces out, but Dex knows they’re going to have a hell of a time cleaning tomorrow anyway so whatever. “About you,” he finally clarifies.
“It’s because I’m a roadblock and he wants your dick.”
“No it’s because he is a dick,” Dex corrects.
Nursey laughs warmly. “Aw, babe.”
“Nurse, I’m serious,” Dex tries, and something on Nursey’s face actually eases back. “He’s an asshole.” Nursey’s eyes grow dark, almost sad, and he nods. “I know who you are,” Dex says. He wants to ease that look right off of his face, and the tub juice is loosening his tongue. “And maybe you’re a mess sometimes but you’re loyal and you’re good and you care about people.”
“I care about you,” Nursey returns quietly.
For some reason that makes him forget about Perez completely.
“I care about you too,” Dex whispers.
Nursey smiles again, taking a step closer. “Well cool, seeing as I’m your boyfriend and all.” His easy buzz topples into tipsy and Dex’s eyes dart down to Nursey’s lips. “Forget Perez,” Nursey murmurs.
“Who?”
Nursey grins. “Can I kiss you?”
Dex’s ears burn. “Why?”
“Cuz I’m your boyfriend, Dexy,” Nursey murmurs, half-joking half-not, leaning in a step closer. “We’re at this party. Boyfriends make out at parties.” Dex’s eyes are still lingering on Nursey’s mouth, his wet lips parted just a few inches away. “Let me kiss you,” Nursey murmurs, like he’s still asking for permission, like he wants to kiss Dex and he wants to do it well. Like he wants it to mean something.
Dex knows his face is burning but he can’t be sure at what. Mostly he wants to blame it on the alcohol but he knows his tolerance is actually pretty high. This whole fake-dating thing is complicated. Is Nursey flirting with him or just being a good friend? Maybe both? Maybe he’s just offering because he thinks that’s what Dex expects out of this?
“You don’t have to,” Dex finally says.
Something warm flashes on Nursey’s face. “You think too much, Poindexter.” His arm slides around Dex’s waist and he leans in, close enough that their noses brush. “Yes or no?”
“Yes,” Dex answers.
Nursey’s lips find his at once. It’s nothing like Dex expects it to be. He’s kissed guys before so he’s prepared for all of that, but of course Nursey’s different. He doesn’t expect the soft touch of Nursey’s hand cradling his cheek. He isn’t expecting Nursey’s mouth to be so wet. He doesn’t know how he couldn’t have anticipated the calm that settles inside of him, the way the music fades around them, the feeling of Nursey pressed against him being all that matters in that moment.
When Nursey’s mouth curves into a smile, Dex can feel it, and he sighs. Nursey nips at Dex’s bottom lip then, melting into the kiss as though his sigh was him opening up for deeper kisses. He slides his arm around Nursey’s waist and tugs and Nursey groans, hitching his hips forward. The calm that rested inside of Dex is replaced with something urgent. It shifts until it’s in his fingertips, slipping beneath Nursey’s shirt and sliding up against his back.
“Will,” Nursey gasps, and Dex loses himself in the sound of it. “He’s really gone now,” he rasps, burying his face into Dex’s neck.
Something inside of Dex stutters. “What?”
“Perez,” he murmurs, pressing lazy kisses to Dex’s skin. But something about it feels wrong now and Dex’s hands fall to his sides. “He was still--”
“No, I know. I know.” He feels his body pull taut and he lifts his hands, firm against Nursey’s hips as they nudge him backwards. “Thanks, Nurse. We’re good.”
Nursey pulls back, eyes dark as they flicker to Dex’s lips. “...Yeah?” he wonders.
Of course this wasn’t a moment.
Nursey’s just doing this to be polite. There aren’t any feelings here, at least not from Nursey. Fake-dating Dex means he can’t hook up with anyone else, so of course he has to get it when he can.
“Yeah,” Dex lies.
What other option does he have? He can’t fucking have feelings for Nursey.
Nursey seems sated by this, his smile growing slow and lazy. “How many guys have you kissed?” Nursey asks.
“Three,” Dex answers. Shakes his head. “Four. You’re four.”
“Dex, you monster,” Nursey chirps. “Three before me? Here at Samwell? When?”
Dex tries to shove Nursey’s chest but Nursey stays planted where he is, gazing into Dex’s eyes like he’s actually his boyfriend, like they’re just teasing around with one another. And Dex is maybe a little buzzed, so he rolls with it, because it can’t possibly hurt any more than it already does. His hands linger on Nursey’s chest.
“Two here, one at home.”
“Three here,” Nursey corrects smugly.
Dex’s eyes linger on Nursey’s mouth. “Three here,” he echoes. And then Nursey’s leaning in again, like this is some sort of normal thing that they do, making out against the kitchen wall, and Dex doesn’t want to push him away.
So he doesn’t.
He opens his mouth for Nursey’s and groans as the feeling of Nursey’s tongue brushing against his own. “How do I stack up?” Nursey murmurs.
“Is this a game for you?”
Still, Dex clutches Nursey’s shirt to pull him back in, which apparently enough of an answer for Nursey’s question because he’s grinning into the next kiss, winding his arms around Dex as though he means it. For so long Dex only had arguments with Nursey, and that was hardly a friendship. Even now that they’re closer, roommates even, doesn’t mean they always get along. So to feel Nursey smile like this against his mouth, to know that Dex is part of that? It’s hot. It’s really hot.
“We gotta stop,” Dex chokes out, releasing his hold on Nursey’s shirt. He can’t get a hard-on right now. He absolutely cannot get a hard-on while drunkenly making out with Derek Nurse. Nursey nods but manages a few more kisses, softer, before taking an intentional step backwards. “Above and beyond the call of duty,” Dex says, looking somewhere near Nursey’s shoulders, because looking Nursey in the eye right now is definitely not an option. “Way above and beyond, Nurse.”
“Chill,” Nursey hums.
“And you ruined it.” He pulls back, eyes narrowing. “Did you even get me a drink?”
“I told you I got distracted!”
“I literally hate you.”
Nursey throws his head back in a laugh while Dex sneaks past him, desperately needing more alcohol. After snagging a bottle of Fireball from the counter to take swigs from, he steps outside onto the back porch, seeking solace. Instead, all of the alcohol he’s had thus far hits him like a brick in the face. The world sways and he stumbles, reaching out for something to steady him.
He and Nursey just made out.
And it was really good.
Dex drags his hands over his face and lets himself think about Nursey’s mouth for 30 seconds. He’s got 7 seconds left when the door to the back porch opens again and Holster and Ransom stumble out, wound up in each other. They grin when they spot Dex, they only really got to say hi for a second earlier, but Dex is thinking about Nursey and d-men and Holster and Ransom and he is such a fucking idiot that he isn’t thinking at all.
“Nursey smiles when he kisses,” Dex blurts. Ransom tugs the door shut and arches an eyebrow, waiting for Dex to continue. It takes him a second because he takes another swig of Fireball, wincing as it goes down. “Like--the fuck am I supposed to do with that information?”
“Did you not already know that?” Ransom wonders.
“You could make out some more?” Holster offers. Dex lifts his hand up to his face and swallows his groan as Holster adds, “We saw you two in the kitchen.”
“It’s not like that,” Dex mutters. Holster guffaws in confusion. “It’s not!”
Ransom grins, shrugging a little. “It’s alright, Dex. I mean, it surprised us. But.” He leans into Holster’s side, his arm sliding around his waist with all easy intimacy. “Happens.”
Dex glances between him and Holster, still leaning on one another, using each other to stand up, and lets out a soft breath.
But Nursey and Dex, they’re not Ransom and Holster. Whether they’re actually fucking in love with each other or just fucking, Dex can’t be sure, but at least Ransom and Holster have a solid baseline of friendship in their relationship. He doesn’t know the details and quite frankly doesn’t need to, but they’re serious about each other.
Nursey and Dex… aren’t.
“We’ve had a few drinks,” Dex tries to explain, because it’s important to him that Ransom and Holster know that it doesn’t always just happen. “And he’s just--” God, it sounds so cringey to actually tell them, “--pretending to be my boyfriend--”
Ransom’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh!”
“Haha.” Holster says, “We did that once too.”
“--because I outed myself before I was ready--”
“Damn, Dex,” Ransom whistles, though Dex is sure he knows the story.
“--and apparently the thought of interacting with a guy who actually might be interested in me makes me dizzy with anxiety--”
Holster sighs, “Brutal.”
“--so Nursey offered to be the, well, Chowder called it a Crypt Keeper because neither of us are getting laid during this arrangement--”
“A problem easily solved,” Ransom says.
“--and now we’re here and one thing led to another and--”
“You made out in Bitty’s kitchen,” Holster finishes. “Nice work.” Dex sighs. He’s so fucking tired. And drunk. He should really not be talking this much. He startles at the feeling of Holster’s hand on his shoulder. “That’s a lot to unpack, bro. You wanna do it, or you wanna smoke? Maybe both?”
Dex considers the blunt that Holster’s holding. He’s not a big smoker.
“No,” he settles with. He feels like an embarrassment, to say these things to these two people who he looks up to and respects. Their love for one another, no matter what kind of love it is, has always been something Dex wanted. “I want none of those things. I’ll let Nursey know you’re out here though.”
“Chill,” Holster says, like he knows it’s going to annoy Dex, and smirks when Dex narrows his eyes at him. “If you wanna make out some more though we won’t interrupt.”
Ransom laughs and nudges Holster who elbows him back with a grin.
“Sorry we didn’t tell you right away,” Dex adds, looking down.
“Feelings are hard, bro,” Ransom says. “No biggie.”
Dex wanders back inside after another swig of Fireball and makes a few laps. His brain is definitely fuzzy at this point and he can’t stop thinking about Nursey’s mouth against his own, Nursey’s hands easing up under his shirt. He isn’t sure how much time passes before he finds Nursey again, tucked in the hallway in easy conversation with Shitty and Lardo. Dex’s heart stumbles a little.
Nursey really is beautiful.
The smile on his face is more genuine than anything Dex has seen in a while. He’s always like this with Shitty, a softer version of himself. The two of them went to Andover and there’s something in that where they hold pieces of one another, an understanding of a past version of themselves. It loosens Nursey’s shoulders, draws out his laughs.
Dex shakes his head. Too much alcohol. The Fireball is starting to make things spin.
“Nurse,” he calls, and Nursey turns at once. When his eyes find Dex they change, warming like the sun on a spring morning, and Dex loses all sense of himself. The smile that follows is sweeter than any April bloom. “Uh--”
“C’mere,” Nursey calls, reaching out for him. He ends up by Nursey’s side, mirroring the way Lardo’s tucked into Shitty’s. “Where’d you run off to?” Nursey asks.
“Holtz and Rans had me outside,” Dex says, remembering the whole reason he’d been looking for Nursey in the first place. “They’re smoking, if you wanna join.”
“Dicks,” Lardo says, looking toward the door. “And they didn’t invite us?”
“Aw, you two go,” Nursey says.
“We live with those bastards,” Shitty says, gesturing widely. “It’s fine, we’ll--” Lardo nudges him sharply, making a face, and jerks her head toward Dex like he’s supposed to understand something. Shitty hums, nods, and smiles at them. “We’ll go,” he says. “Larissa,” he offers dramatically, extending his hand, and she rolls her eyes fondly before accepting it.
They stroll away together, Lardo winking over her shoulder, and Nursey turns then to lean backwards against the wall. He puts a lot of space between them but still he feels close. Dex is starting to think that he drank more than he realized. Shitty’s tub juice is stronger than he remembers.
“You okay?” Nursey asks softly.
Dex shakes his head. He’s thinking in poems, something’s way off. “Think I had too much,” he murmurs.
Nursey nods at once. “We’ll get you to bed.”
Dex nods too, but he’s a little confused. The party’s still got a good hour or so left, Dex is sure, but he knows bed is probably a good option.
“Are you on Dex Patrol?” he asks, and Nursey laughs. “Never needed patrol before,” he muses, mostly to himself. “Who am I becoming?”
“I’m a poor example,” Nursey suggests. “C’mon.” He reaches for Dex, sliding his arm around his back, and guides him from the kitchen. “I only had a little,” he explains. “Stopped once I saw you snag the Fireball.”
“I barely had any of that,” Dex lies.
“Sure.” They make their way slowly up the stairs, one at a time. “Saw Perez take off with some of his baseball bros.”
“Ugh.” He’d forgotten all about Perez. “Good fucking riddance.”
They’re quiet for a few steps. “What’d he say about me?” Nursey asks.
It takes a few moments for Dex’s brain to work its way there. “Something about how I should keep my options open because you can’t be trusted.” Dex wrinkles his nose like even the words taste foul. “Fucking idiot.”
“Well you should keep your options open,” Nursey reminds him quietly, “seeing as we’re not actually dating.” The words feel heavy and Dex lingers at the top of the staircase, taking in what Nursey’s said. He knows it’s true. But after everything that happened tonight it’s a thought that doesn’t sit well with him. “You don’t have to be upset on my behalf, dude.”
“Too late,” Dex says, finally trudging on forward to their room. “He called you a slut and I’m not having it.”
Nursey laughs as he pushes open their door. “He called me a slut?” Nursey echoes.
Dex huffs. “It was implied.” He drags his hands over his face and stumbles forward. “You don’t have to stay,” he says, starting to kick off his shoes.
Nursey snags his hand before he can get too far, tugging him backwards just a touch. “Will,” he murmurs. “We’re okay?”
Dex blinks, confused. “We’re okay,” he answers right away, because of course they’re okay, and he doesn’t want Nursey to think anything else for even a second. The alcohol has made him fuzzy and to hear Will on Nursey’s lips so often tonight makes Dex’s thoughts stumble. “Derek,” he says.
Nursey’s smile blossoms. “Yeah?”
Dex isn’t sure what he wants to say. “Thanks,” is all that comes out. “For…”
Nursey dips his head, looking toward the ground with a smile. “Night, Dex.”
“Try not to wake up the entire nation when you come in, yeah?”
Nursey chuckles. “No promises.”
“Klutz.”
“Mmm.” Nursey tugs Dex back toward him and winds his arms around him in easy familiarity. It’s not that the kissing wasn’t great, but this is better somehow. Dex drops nuzzles his face close to Nursey’s neck and breathes him in. “You’re gonna be okay,” Nursey whispers, slowly dragging his hand up Dex’s back. “I know that this isn't how you wanted it.”
Dex squeezes his eyes shut. Honestly, he hadn’t even been spiraling about his coming out tonight. But now in the quiet of their room, with Nursey holding him close, it rushes back. It’s always teetering just on the edge.
“I’m glad it’s you,” he forces out, voice small. “You always make things feel… safe.”
“You are safe,” Nursey tells him.
“I know,” Dex murmurs. He doesn't sound like himself when he says, “You’ve got me.”
Nursey’s voice is even softer when he echoes, “I’ve got you.”
Dex knows in the morning this moment will feel distant, foggy, and he wants to linger in it now. It’s difficult to admit the alcohol lowers his walls but he feels open now, like he has to say something.
“If you ever need out,” Dex says, “just tell me and it’s over.”
Nursey seems to be lingering too. His breath is warm by Dex’s ear. “Sure, dude.”
“Like, if someone does come along,” he carries on, unsure when they started whispering, “that you wanna be with. You know?”
“Uh-huh. No, sure, yeah.” Finally Nursey pulls back and when he does so, he’s smiling. Dex knows Nursey is soft. Like, he’s seen it with other teammates. But for him to be soft like this with him is different. "Same goes for you."
“I need to sleep,” Dex murmurs quickly.
“Take my bunk if you need it,” Nursey tells him, fleeing to the door like maybe he realized something damning too.
He’s gone in an instant and the room is quiet. Dex considers it. Having Nursey’s bed will save him if he ends up laying down and having to puke. But Dex’s rational side wins out for maybe the first time all goddamn night and after shucking off his jeans he climbs up to his bed anyway.
He’s asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.