Chapter Text
“Let’s go again, we’ve nearly nailed it.”
Jimin said this as he was already getting back into position. The new choreography they were learning wasn’t their most difficult, but it still required perfect timing and synchronisation. Yoongi groaned aloud, earning a few laughs from the other members. He was never a dancer, or someone gifted with excellent coordination. The worst aspect of this fact, though, was that it was common knowledge. He was no stranger to the teasing smirks and smothered laughs the others made when he attempted learning new choreography.
At least he wasn’t the only one that struggled with the art of movement. Namjoon and Seokjin still sympathised with him, knowing fully well themselves just how hard dancing was for anyone not gifted in that arena. The dancers often reminded them that they were far from ‘gifted’, that they simply did what they loved and poured that passion into their craft. Seokjin often liked to remind Yoongi and Namjoon when they were alone that this was utter bullshit, and as much as Yoongi loved the younger members, he knew they were constantly skirting around the topic. In Yoongi’s eyes, you either had it, or you didn’t.
The unofficial ‘non-dancers’ group shrank when Taehyung decided to fully demonstrate his skills in the arena. Namjoon liked to joke that Taeyhung had betrayed them by suddenly becoming a dance god in the course of a few months, and Taehyung in turn teased the three of them by saying that if he of all people could somehow entertain an audience with his moves, then any one of them could.
Seokjin pointed this out as bullshit, too.
“Everyone ready?” Jimin called out.
“I’m never fucking ready,” Yoongi replied with a blank expression.
He casually ignored Jimin’s feigned look of shock at the older swearing. Yoongi instead kept his stare fixed on his reflection in the mirror, seeing Namjoon’s wide grin from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t help the twitch of his lip at their leader’s reaction.
Jimin started the music regardless, Yoongi’s body going on autopilot as he tried his best to keep in time with the others. Dancing was hard enough as it was, without adding crippling exhaustion from a previous all-nighter on top.
He wasn’t meant to pull the all-nighter. It had just, happened.
His solution to restlessness was to do something productive with his time, so that’s exactly what he did. He set his recording equipment up and fiddled around with new layouts for a song he was hoping to finish before the end of the month, and before he knew it one hour turned into six. It wasn’t until Seokjin whined about the room being so bright at six in the morning that he realised he’d stayed up so late.
After that, Seokjin insisted that Yoongi try to get at least half an hour’s worth of rest, but the younger knew better. He wouldn’t be able to sleep since he’d been awake for so long. His eyes were dry, and his hands wavered when he held them above the keyboard. Looking back on the evening, Yoongi should have known better than to work so late, but it had been his only solution to his uneasiness at the time.
The method Yoongi usually used to distract himself had failed on this occasion, however. He could still feel a tingle of unsettlement from the previous night nestled in the pit of his stomach. He had hoped that by burying himself in his work, the feeling would dissipate entirely and leave him alone, but knowing his own luck it didn’t happen. Instead, he was left with dreary eyes and languish movements the following morning, alongside the same feeling of slight restlessness he’d tried to erase.
Ignoring it was the only way Yoongi knew how to deal with it. Too often for his liking the covert feeling sprung up on him, setting his consciousness on edge for days. He always felt like he was waiting for something drastic to happen. The sense kept him worrying and surprisingly tired, but typically the feeling was, to put it simply, frustrating. He wanted to get rid of it immediately whenever it surfaced, because he intimately knew the events that trailed afterwards.
Yoongi grumbled when the music started up again. He could think of millions of things he would rather do than practising the same choreography over and over again. He looked to his side to see Jeongguk drop to the ground in a move that made Yoongi question what part of the choreography they were up to.
Namjoon collided with him side on not five seconds later.
“Yoongi, you all good?” Hoseok asked as he halted his routine, genuine concern crossing his face for a moment. When Yoongi shot him a look the concern evaporated.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little lost with the choreo.”
Yoongi sent them all his best cheesy smile. They seemed to buy it, and Yoongi released a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. It wasn’t as if he was hiding anything from the others.
It was at this point Yoongi noticed Jeongguk was still lying on the floor.
“Kook? Hey, Kook,” Hoseok asked as he knelt down next to the younger. The others quickly caught on.
“Hey, hyung, can we take a break?” Jeongguk just about whispered, Yoongi straining his ears to hear the usually chipper maknae.
It was only when the youngest flipped himself onto his back that everyone fully noticed the bags under his eyes.
They were so dark they looked drawn on. His eyelids were practically dropping, and Yoongi had to contain his urge to ask if he’d actually slept at all in the past week. Sweat was dripping excessively down his skinny frame, more than Yoongi would have thought normal for a rehearsal. Jeongguk seemed blissfully oblivious to his worse-for-wear state, and Yoongi couldn’t make up his mind if this was a good or bad thing.
“Yeah, uh, let’s take five guys. We’ll go through it one last time later,” Namjoon commented, managing to slide a quick glance at Yoongi before collecting his water bottle. The implication was heavy on the rapper’s mind.
Yoongi didn’t wait any longer to approach Jeongguk. He was hastily wringing his hands over and over again, constantly looking around the small practise room. It was almost like he was attempting to avoid the other’s gazes of concern.
“Hey, you alright?”
It was the first question to pop in Yoongi’s mind. Jeongguk seemed to notice this, as a small smile appeared shortly afterwards.
“Yeah, hyung. I’m fine. A little tired, but nothing like you.”
Yoongi blinked while Jeongguk continued.
“I mean, you look like death itself. I’m sure I don’t look half as bad as you right now.”
“Forget I even asked about you,” he curtly replied, doing his best to keep a straight face.
“Love you too, hyung!” the maknae called out as Yoongi walked over to Namjoon.
“I think he’s completely fine, Joon. He’s still a smartass.”
Yoongi saw Namjoon surreptitiously peak a look at the youngest. He did it as if he was making an assessment on the other’s behaviours, and Yoongi had to hand it to him that he could do something so serious and look so casual when doing so. After a moment, the leader nodded.
“Yeah, I believe you. I’d be more concerned if he didn’t insult you.”
~
Yoongi was struggling to stay awake at dinner. The others dug into their meals, wasting no time in replenishing themselves after an exhausting day of rehearsals. Yoongi pointedly ignored the others and glared at his meal, willing his appetite to return to him. It was so unusual for him to lose it these days, what with the strenuous exercise he does and the hectic schedule he has. He’d almost be concerned if that stupid feeling of his wasn’t present.
It had gotten stronger as the day went on. It was no longer hiding in the depths of his body, in a place he could neglect for the duration of its stay. It was present in his toes, his fingertips, his fingernails even. It was everywhere, and it was consuming him.
Yoongi could vaguely recognise it as anxiety. The way it latched onto his thoughts and convinced him something was going to happen could lead him to no other explanation. It had to be anxiety.
But, growing up, his anxiety had only come out to play when something was stressing him out. He was lucky, in that sense. Some people got anxiety from absolutely nothing, and Yoongi’s heart went out to those poor people. He was grateful his anxiety only acted up when it had a reason to.
That left the question of what exactly he was anxious about.
“Earth to hyung? Hellooo?”
Yoongi shook his head viciously to bring himself out of his thoughts. He could see Taehyung waving his arms crazily while the others at the table held back laughter.
“Ah, he has returned to us! Tell me, hyung, how was the moon?”
“It was cool, thanks for asking.”
Hoseok’s cackle broke through the silence, leaving Yoongi’s badass persona as rubble. He snickered at the other’s amusement, with the rest of the table either suppressing giggles or doing their best to match Hoseok’s volume.
Yoongi at that moment spotted the bowl of Singapore noodles further down the table. He still wasn’t particularly hungry, but he knew he would most likely be starving by the time he was trying to fall asleep.
“Kook, can you pass me the noodles?”
Yoongi drank from his glass as he waited for the younger to respond. He saw Jeongguk lean over to pick the bowl up, but halfway through the action, he froze. Yoongi watched from his position as Jeongguk glanced down at his lap before ignoring the bowl altogether. The maknae was suddenly fascinated with his lap, and Yoongi knew the kid was probably just having another one of his moments, but he would really like to eat the noodles Jeongguk was going to pass him.
“Hey Jeongguk?”
His second calling of the younger’s name caught the attention of a few at the table. They looked to Jeongguk, who was still staring at his lap, and it wasn’t until Seokjin gently elbowed him that he reacted.
“S-Sorry, I g-got it hyung.”
He passed the noodles over without looking directly at Yoongi. The others went back to their various conversations, but Yoongi kept a wary eye on Jeongguk as he scooped food onto his plate. He lifted his chopsticks to his mouth and ate slowly, knowing he would be thankful for the food later that night. He looked down the table again to see his only hyung watching Jeongguk from the corner of his eye. Not that that surprised him; Seokjin truly acted almost motherly towards the other members.
Yoongi’s eyes met Seokjin’s briefly. The older wasn’t stupid, Yoongi knew. Seokjin knew that Yoongi had been worrying over the youngest. Their momentary eye contact indicated a conversation later that night, and Yoongi found himself almost grateful that he could at least bring up Jeongguk’s recent behaviour with someone. He wasn’t exactly one for direct confrontation.
As he shoved more noodles in his mouth, he noticed Jeongguk’s hands wringing. They’d known each other long enough to know that he only did that when he was nervous or excited, and Yoongi found it difficult to see anything Jeongguk could be excited about at dinner. So that only left him being nervous.
Yoongi progressed through his meal steadily as Jeongguk fiddled with the food left on his plate. He hadn’t finished his meal, and Seokjin had noticed this just as quickly as he did. He kept glancing at his lap, too, which made Yoongi think at first that he must have his phone or something down there. But Seokjin wouldn’t be examining the maknae the way he was if he was simply looking at his phone every two seconds. There was something else.
He saw Seokjin elbow the younger again, but for a different reason this time. He was whispering in the maknae’s ear, saying things he didn’t want the others to hear. By the wide-eyed expression on Jeongguk’s face, their conversation was exclusively personal.
He’d just about finished his noodles when Jeongguk excused himself rashly from the table, saying he needed to visit the bathroom. Seokjin’s eyebrow had skyrocketed, but he’d done nothing to stop the younger from leaving. It was only when Jeongguk didn’t return that Yoongi was assured of his initial suspicions.
Jeongguk was hiding something.
~
Pins and needles covered Yoongi as he sat down on his bed, Seokjin closing the door behind them. The older rummaged through drawers to find his pyjamas while Yoongi scrolled through his phone, hoping for his hyung to bring up the topic.
“Something’s up with Kookie,” Seokjin muttered, his back still to the younger.
Yoongi thanked Seokjin mentally for speaking first.
“Yeah, something’s definitely up. He’s not usually like this.”
Seokjin sighed to himself as he sat down on his own bed. There was a kind of resignation in his voice that was hiding something. Fear, possibly? Frustration? Yoongi wouldn’t put it past his hyung to mask his own emotions in order to look after others. “I’m just glad I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”
Yoongi put his phone down to view Seokjin. A look of concern he usually reserved was being displayed for Yoongi to see, and Seokjin never acts this visibly apprehensive unless it was something serious. His anxiety churned dangerously in his stomach.
“Look,” Seokjin continued, “we don’t know what’s going on, but I believe Kookie would tell us if it was really serious. We trust each other enough to talk about these kinds of things.”
The tone in Seokjin’s voice settled Yoongi slightly. It wasn’t much, but it was something. It was keeping him grounded in their conversation, absolutely, but he wasn’t sure if he could say it was keeping his anxiety grounded. He was beginning to think his anxiety was towards the Jeongguk situation, but this emotion had been boiling for days now. He would be lying to himself if he exempted his emotions because of Jeongguk’s behaviour.
Yoongi realised he hadn’t responded to Seokjin’s comment. He nodded at the older, crossing his legs on the bed and clasping his hands together on his lap. Seokjin’s lips pursed in thought.
“Now, I’m going to get to the second person I’ve been concerned about recently.”
There was another?
“You, Yoongi.”
Oh.
“Look, I know you regularly stay up late and work, because you mix and produce and do so much more behind the scenes for us, but its taking a toll on you.”
Yoongi fiddled with his fringe. “Toll?”
“Yoongi, you’ve slept two hours each night for the past week and pulled an all-nighter last night. You’ve barely eaten anything recently, and you’re constantly just, zoning out.”
Huh. Yoongi hadn’t noticed.
“So, whatever’s going on, you can talk to me about it. Or any one of the others. They’d all listen.”
Yoongi bit his lip.
“Even if it’s nothing.”
There was a knock at the door.
Seokjin sighed, and turned his gaze to the floor. Yoongi didn’t move from his position; he couldn’t. He was frozen. His arms were tingling and his legs felt like jelly and why was he constantly feeling this way as of late?
Another knock sent Seokjin walking over, and when he opened the door Yoongi strained to hear who it was. Their hushed whispers were just out of earshot, but Yoongi could tell from Seokjin’s body language who it was.
Jeongguk entered their dorm, and Yoongi paused.
He was sweating profusely. Beads of perspiration ran down his forehead, and moisture glistened along his arms and legs. He was wearing nothing but a tank top and shorts, a severely inappropriate combination for the chilly Autumn day. He was still wringing his hands, over and over again, but the thing that really caught Yoongi’s attention was the obvious tent in the younger’s baggy shorts.
Jeongguk spoke before Yoongi could decide what to say.
“I-I’m sorry, I just didn’t know who else to talk to. I’m sorry, I really am, I just-”
“Kookie, breath,” Seokjin spoke softly, sitting on Yoongi’s bed while the other remained standing.
The maknae took in a few breathes before continuing. “I, um, when you spoke to me earlier Jin-hyung, I was really considering just telling you then, and I don’t know why I didn’t, because now it’s worse and-”
“Jeongguk,” Yoongi said.
“Right, yeah. Breath.”
He rocked on the balls of his feet and breathed in and out, a habit he’d gotten into doing before he performed. Yoongi motioned for the youngest to sit down on the other bed.
“Kookie, what’s wrong?” Seokjin gently urged, Yoongi noticing his mother-like instincts seeping into the way he spoke.
“I-I, um, I don’t know what’s wrong, but… I just know something is, hyungs! I-I haven’t slept properly in days, a-and I’m always hot and I don’t feel like eating and I’m always tired a-and I’m constantly sweating and my stomach hurts all the time a-and…”
Jeongguk paused, his cheeks burning a bright red. He brought his knees up to his chin and hid his face, Yoongi thinking that if they were in any other situation he would’ve thought the action normal. But they weren’t and they needed Jeongguk to speak up.
“And… what?” Yoongi pressed, hoping Jeongguk would finish.
“And, and… something’s wrong with m-my dick.”
Jeongguk cradled his face with his hands, Yoongi recognising the younger’s embarrassment. At least he’d finished explaining everything.
“What’s wrong with it?” Seokjin asked, proving to be mature beyond his years.
The blank expression on the maknae’s face said it all. “I don’t know what’s wrong with it, it’s just, there’s, I don’t know! It’s swollen and it hurts, hyungs.”
Yoongi knew there were very limited options for them beyond this point. If Jeongguk really was in as much pain as he claimed to be in, then he may need to be admitted to a hospital. They just, couldn’t risk anything in situations like this. It was always better to be safe than sorry.
“Kookie, this is a very personal thing that I’m going to ask you to do, and you don’t have to agree with it. It’s completely your choice, okay? Do you understand?”
Jeongguk moved his hands away from his face, and looked at Seokjin with uneasy eyes. He nodded.
“Can I have a look?”
Yoongi sensed the hesitation and embarrassment from Jeongguk a mile away.
“You don’t have to show me, Kookie. Please remember that.”
It took several moments for the maknae to make a decision, but when he did he was confident. He nodded, standing up and hovering in front of his two hyungs.
“I’ll look away,” Yoongi commented, ignoring the look on Jeongguk’s face. When Yoongi saw it, he shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t have to see, and I trust Jin to make a call.”
There was another reason he didn’t want to see, but he would never voice it aloud. He was mortified his body was even reacting the way it was. The anxiety he’d felt build up over the past couple of days had somehow metamorphosed into arousal, of all the things in the world, and Yoongi was ashamed that he was feeling the way he was when Jeongguk was clearly in pain not even a metre away from him. He’d never hated his body more than in that moment.
He turned away from the scene and tried to keep his thoughts away from what was going on behind him. He heard the ruffle of clothes being moved and a motherly coo from Seokjin as he tried to see what was causing Jeongguk so much pain. At one point, Jeongguk gasped and held his breath, Yoongi joining the dots as to what Seokjin was doing. Around a minute later, Seokjin told him he could turn around.
There were tears in Jeongguk’s eyes.
“We need to get him to a hospital.”