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1
“You know I’m not stupid, right?”
Peter’s head jerked up from the paper he was doodling on, his eyes landing on the little girl sitting across the table from him.
He knew that Morgan wasn’t stupid, the only thing stupid being the question. The little girl had every inch of Tony’s genius wrapped up in her tiny frame and sometimes Peter was even jealous of that fact. Though he wasn’t sure if he was jealous of their shared DNA or the nearly five years the little girl got to spend with the man he considered a father that Peter hadn’t gotten to spend with him.
Peter felt like the stupid one for even being jealous of Tony’s biological daughter and he hated himself for thinking that he had the right to anything that she had- psychically or emotionally or concerning the passage of missed time. Mr. Stark hadn’t been his father after all, and he had no right to be jealous of his actual child. Peter hated that he wasn’t Tony’s actual child.
“I know you’re the reason Daddy left…” Morgan swung her feet back and forth as she spoke, her mouth set in an innocent grin and her tone soft and sweet. But her words hurt like knives and Peter blamed the scary combination of innocent expression and verbal violence on Pepper. “He loved you almost as much as he loved me and he only left because of you”
The grin was failing by then and Peter saw little tears well up in the corner of the child’s eyes. He wished that Pepper would return from the other room and hear what was happening and the hurtful words coming from the girl’s mouth. The guilty side of him was hoping that the woman would make her daughter stop talking before both Peter and Morgan were both crying.
But she didn’t return and Morgan continued her little speech. Peter wondered if she planned it out in her mind for when she knew her mother was out of the room, knowing that the older woman would not approve.
“You’re the reason my Daddy is gone and you think that he’s your Daddy too, but he’s only mine and he’s gone because of you.” Morgan snarled at him like a feral animal. “I want Daddy back and not you. If you were dead Daddy would finally be able to come back.” She huffed, sticking out her lip and pouting in a way that made Peter’s heart ache for Mr. Stark. She had his lips and his eyes and every time she stared at him, he felt like he was falling into a pit of depression so deep he could never return from it.
“I hate you!” The little girl screamed, kicking her legs out under the table so far that they connected with Peter’s bent knees.
Pain blossomed in his legs and he wanted to cry because not only did his leg hurt, but his emotions hurt too and he felt like he was drowning. But Morgan was crying and his mind was screaming at him to be the stronger one… the stronger of Tony’s children. Peter sunk his nails into his palm until little semicircle pools of blood flooded his pale skin; he was not Tony’s child and he had no right to think of himself as such.
“I hate you!” The girl screamed again, the pain of her kicking him only adding to the pain of the bloody nail marks in his palm.
“I hate myself too.” Peter whispered into the air, so quietly that he didn’t expect Morgan to hear him.
But she clearly did hear him, because she stopped kicking him and the girl was still in her seat staring at him.
“Good.” She whispered, using the sleeve of her bright pink sweater to wipe at the tears still leaking out of her eyes. “You deserve to hate yourself because you killed Daddy.”
Peter nodded his head, the only other movement being his nails digging into his palm. “I would do anything to bring him back, Morgan, and I understand why you’re upset. He’s not my dad and I killed him by being too weak and not there at the right time and I will never stop hating myself for it.”
Morgan was staring at him with such intensity, he swore he could see the ghost of Mr. Stark in her expression and in her sharp, dark brown eyes. But then her lips were curling up into a smile and she looked severe and cruel and Mr. Stark faded away from the little girl’s expression, because Tony would have never looked at Peter in that way. Tony would only look at him with love and adoration and maybe fond annoyance on some occasions.
“I hope you’re never happy again.” She whispered vehemently.
“Ya… me too.” Peter responded, before staring back down at his forgotten page of half drawn doodles. He wanted to leave, he was unsure of whether he meant the Stark household or his existence entirely, but he knew that he had to stay until Pepper returned. She had trusted him with Morgan and it wasn’t ok to leave a five year old by herself, even if you were a crybaby teenager on the verge of a mental breakdown. And even if that five year old was bullying and saying that you deserve no happiness and that your father never loved you.
He felt like he had no right to the breakdown, however. He should be there to support Tony’s actual child and not spend time crying or complaining or feeling jealous of a five year old little girl who had lost her Daddy.
In a strange sense, when he listened to Morgan telling him off it almost felt like it was Tony’s words and sentiments. Morgan was the next generation of Stark, the actual child, and it was Peter’s job to shut up and let the little girl have her emotions. It was selfish for him to think that he had anywhere near the amount of grief and pain Morgan must be feeling and she was right, it truly was his fault. Tony was dead because of him.
2
Peter felt like he was going into shock at the reading of Tony’s will. He hadn’t expected to be among the recipients of the man’s possessions, self hate holding his mind captive and convincing him that he wasn’t good enough for anything the man had left behind.
But there he was, sitting in a stuffy room with Rhodey, Pepper, Happy, Morgan and the biggest surprise of all- Steve Rogers. There were other names listed in the will, a boy named Harley had received a college trust fund and the rest of the Avengers had been given various possessions and a girl with blue skin and a surly attitude named Nebula had been gifted a board game collection from Tony’s childhood. But the six of them were the main people listed in the will and the others had mostly filtered out of the room or weren’t paying attention by the point that the large possessions and sums of money were being read.
Pepper, of course, had inherited the company and most assets from her husband as well as some of the Iron Man suits. Rhodey and Happy had been bequeathed large financial gifts and personal mementos from over the years of their friendship with Tony. An old sports car collection made tears come to Happy’s eyes; and when it was revealed that Rhodey now owned a very large portion of MIT and had a permanent fund for scholarships for young black scientists to go to their alma mater, Rhodey had to excuse himself from the room to get water before returning. On top of that, Steve had nearly fainted when it was revealed that he now owned the Avengers compound and all of the teams tech from over the past years.
However, no amount of crying or suprise could top the reaction to a clause at the very bottom of the will. It was written informally, with a transcription of the legal equivalent directly underneath and Peter wanted to cry as the words hung heavy in the silent room.
“I don’t know if the kid is even alive at this point, I sure hope he is because I did this all for him and his future. I know that I never got to tell you this in person, but I love you like a son, Pete. You mean the world to me and you better take good care of your little sister because you are just as much my kid as she is and the two of you need to survive childhood in order to take the world by storm when you’re adults.”
Peter felt Morgan glaring at him with a deadly expression at that sentence. She looked like she was going to kill him and he felt himself shrink into his seat and he stared down at his lap in anguish and sadness and a little bit of confusion.
“Because I love both of my kids equally, I am naming both Morgan Stark and Peter Parker as my main beneficiaries. At 18 years old I want both Morgan and Peter to inherent 25% of my wealth and I swear to god those children better be taught how to properly invest and get a good education. You hear me, Pepper.”
Peter could hear the woman wetly chuckle, before whispering. “Of course they will, love. Neither of our kids are going to blow their multi million dollar inheritance overnight.”
Peter’s ears were bright red at being referred to as one of their kids, but it also made him feel warm and happy and more whole than he had felt since Mr. Stark’s death. He liked the feeling of being Pepper’s kid even after Mr. Stark had passed and he wanted to feel close to the Stark family more than he wanted anything else in this entire world.
“In addition, Peter Parker is to inherit the remaining Iron Man suits. I have no expectations for you to be the next Iron Man or anything, but I’m sure Spidey could use an upgrade and you’re smart enough to figure that shit out.”
Peter was shocked at that sentence and he wanted to scream at Mr. Stark through the will, he was so goddamn confused. But he didn’t have time to voice his confusion, because that was it and then they were being dismissed from the room.
Pepper had to stay back a few minutes to figure logistics out and everything felt like it was crashing to the ground. When he had first exited the room, he had felt the various adult’s eyes on him- staring and prying and trying to figure out who the boy Tony cared enough about to call a son was and furthermore, who he trusted the Iron Man suits with.
It made Peter uncomfortable and he slowly made his way out onto the porch, sagging his body onto the small swing. He noted that it was a mistake to go outside, when a small body next to him reached over and pinched his arm- hard.
It stung like little pin pricks and at first he wanted to shake the girl off, but when she started talking he let her continue to pinch at his skinny arms because he couldn't find a reason to stop her. He deserve the pain and punishment, after all.
“He was lying about you being his son, he must have been.” Morgan’s tone was harsher than he would ever expect a five year old’s to be.
Peter sighed so deeply he felt it from his toes to his arm being pinched to the very top of the soft hairs on his head. It was easy to believe the words Tony had spelled out in his will. But when faced with a whining Morgan Stark pinching his arm and so obviously hating him, well that was harder. All he could hear in her voice was Tony and he felt his confidence and happiness of being called Tony and Pepper’s son being unraveled like he was the fraying end of a ribbon.
“He was probably trying to make you feel better about being the reason he’s dead and all.” Morgan huffed, tilting her head to the side with fake innocence. “And I don’t need you to be my stupid big brother or anything. I just need you to die so that Daddy can come back.”
Peter was pretty sure that the girl was confused. His death couldn’t exactly bring Mr. Stark back, right?
But the way she said it sounded intoxicating and images of him bleeding out on the floor of his bathroom and Mr. Stark’s ghostly form above him ran through his head on a loop. He imagined how much it would hurt and if he would be able to see Mr. Stark one more time before he was gone and if it would all be worth it in the end. He truly did believe that anything to bring Mr. Stark back was worth it, even if it meant sacrificing his own life for Tony’s.
Mr. Stark had asked him to take care of his little sister and wouldn’t it be taking care of her to try to bring her father back? Wouldn’t he be making the ultimate brotherly sacrifice if he were to die to bring Mr. Stark back? Would dying make him a good brother?
Morgan pinched his skin particularly hard, tearing the boy away from his rambling mind.
“I still hate you no matter if Daddy loves you or not.” She said teary eyed, before scrambling to add. “And he probably doesn’t even love you at all.”
Peter laid his hand over Morgan’s tiny one, guiding the girl to pinch his skin even harder. “I know, Morgan and I still hate myself too, so you have nothing to worry about.”
The five year old obliged by pinching again, but far harder than she had before. “Good. You don’t deserve love from me or Mommy or Daddy.”
Tears sprung to Peter’s eyes, but he didn’t try to fight her because Morgan was right. He didn’t deserve love from any of the Stark’s. He had done nothing but ruin their family.
3
“I was thinking about taking the kids up to MIT this weekend, show them around where Tones and I use to hang out in college. Maybe I’ll take them to get cheeseburgers from his favorite diner or take them to the record shop he was obsessed with when he was around Peter’s age.”
Peter’s entire body perked up when he heard Rhodey’s suggestion. He was also happy to simply be referred to as part of the ‘kids’ and he was grinning, that was until Morgan stared at him with a look of disapprovement on her tiny features. The eyes made it look like Tony was glaring at him and then Peter simply felt like shit.
“How does that sound, kiddos?” Rhodey asked, while passing a dish of steaming hot macaroni and cheese over the table to May.
It was the third Friday of the month and Pepper, Morgan, May, Happy, Rhodey and him were having their second monthly “Iron Family Dinner”. They were all busy getting back into the swing of life and trying to move on from their collective loss, but on the day of the funeral they had all agreed that it was important for them to eat dinner as a family at least twice a month. So there they were, everyone enjoying dinner as a family. Well that was except for Peter.
Peter was busy being kicked under the table by Morgan and being glared at by the little girl’s scornful looks. It was crazy to think that a child had the power to pour so much hate into her expressions and it made Peter feel anxious. Self hate bubbled to the surface of his skin and he picked at his scabbing wrists.
Morgan traced his fingers with her eyes, Tony’s eyes, and she full out smiled when she saw the boy picking at the cuts on his wrist until they bled once more. Since he had started the self harming habit of cutting himself last week, he had done everything in his power to keep the cuts as his dirty little secret. But something felt so right about Morgan glaring at them and he flashed his wrist outwards watching the little girl’s smile grow bigger as her eyes traced the extent of the cuts.
They inhabited most of the skin between his wrist and elbow, the cuts criss crossing and overlapping haphazardly. For a second, her eyes flashed with a deep set pain. She looked like she was going to cry and Peter wondered if this was the moment she understood that they had both lost their father and that Peter was hurting inside as much as she was.
But the expression shifted to an even larger cheshire grin and Peter wondered how someone so young could look so sadistically upon someone else’s pain. He knew that Morgan hated him and he didn’t exactly blame the little girl. He hated himself too, he didn’t cut himself for no reason, and he didn’t blame the girl who was experiencing so much pain and loss and grieve at such a young age.
“That sound’s fun, Uncle Rhodey!” The girl beamed. Her eyes stopped staring at Peter’s wrist and he found himself quickly hiding the scarred skin in the too long sleeve of his sweater. “But you’re not Peter’s uncle, only mine, so he probably wouldn’t like it like I would.”
She was staring at him again, this time with a smug, childish expression on her face; and Peter was hit with the fact that it was a five year old who was somehow hurting him so badly. Peter felt wet tears land on his leg and he wanted to get up and run away. He didn’t need another reminder that he wasn’t Tony’s actual child or Rhodey’s actual nephew or actually part of this family in any way.
Sensing the tension, Rhodey was quick to jump into the conversation. “Of course I’m Peter’s uncle, Morgan. He was Tony’s kid and any of Tony’s kids are my nieces and nephews- no exceptions!”
Peter’s smile was almost as large as Morgan’s pout at their uncle’s declaration. The little girl looked murderous and Peter had to physically swivel his body as to not be directly looking at the child glaring daggers at him.
He was nervous to respond to the man, unsure of what to say and not wanting to hurt his little sister further than she was already feeling hurt. “Alright… Uncle Rhodey,” He said the words tentatively, playing with the feelings of the syllables on his tongue and blushing as red as a tomato when Rhodey grinned at him. “If I’m not too much of a burden, I would love to come with you to MIT.”
Rhodey scoffed, “I wouldn't have offered to take you if it was a burden.” He frowned at the boy slightly. “And you sound too much like Tony when you refer to yourself as a burden… and not in a good way. Tony’s self hate was horrible and I hope he didn’t pass it on to his kid.” He scrunched up his nose, before continuing. “Anyways, please understand me when I say that you’re never a burden, kiddo. We are family and family loves and takes care of each other no matter what.”
Rhodey was smiling at him, sweet as honey, and Peter tentatively returned the expression with a lopsided grin. He was scared of Morgan’s reaction to him agreeing to go on the trip and he truly did want to respect his little sister’s feelings and needs.
But at the same time, Peter had needs too. And he needed to feel loved and connection to a family and he needed to do anything to stop himself from slicing his skin open with a razor blade to the point where he tested his theory of trading his life with Tony’s. He still wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t work, every day wanting to try it more and more, but maybe there was also the possibility of moving on from his dad’s death and enjoying spending time with the family he had left.
It was probably selfish of him to want to move on, he felt like it was even more selfish that he wasn’t properly listening to Morgan. But he still was Tony’s child, right? And Tony’s children both deserve happiness and should take care of each other, right? Peter and Morgan both deserved happiness and love and a family and if their Uncle Rhodey wanted to take them on a trip together, wasn’t that a good thing?
He wished that the little girl stopped viewing everything as a competition for their deceased father’s love. Tony had loved both of them equally, he had said so himself, and he couldn’t help but think that they would both heal faster with a little bit of sibling love and compassion from each other.
Maybe one of Morgan’s hugs would stop him from feeling the need to cut himself; and maybe one of Peter’s could stop the little girl from lashing out with hurtful words and physical abuse. For the most part he knew that that’s what they were, hurtful words and the actions of a scared kid lashing out. But if they were paired with some sort of love, Maybe he wouldn’t feel so trapped and down and depressed all the time.
His self hatred was fueled by his little sister and it was so undeniably and incredibly toxic. But he loved her, he really did love her. Despite the harsh words and the pinching and the kicking and the overall abuse from the child, Peter still loved her.
Just like Tony, Morgan had found the key to his heart and she had made herself at home there. But unlike Tony, who had pulled all the right heartstrings, she was pulling the wrong ones. She made him feel hatred so deep in his bones he would rather die than deal with it. She made him feel guilty and powerless and his love for her made him justify things that were hurting him beyond belief.
Somewhere in the time he had been thinking, Morgan had gotten up from her seat and she was now sitting on her Mother’s lap. Pepper was cuddling her close to her chest and Peter would have thought it was cute if the ulterior motive was not so clear in the little girls shining eyes.
Morgan could now see him again and the little girl was glaring at him, as if daring him to agree to the MIT trip and see what would happen between the two of them. But Peter couldn’t help himself from responding to Rhodey in the affirmative.
“I understand, no calling myself a burden.” He chuckled awkwardly, trying to make a joke but falling flat when he realized that none of the adults found his self deprecating humor funny. “Anyways, as long as May is ok with it, I would love to go.”
May quickly agreed to the plan, thinking that it was a great idea for her depressed nephew to get out of the house and spend time with his family. It still felt weird but so right at the same time for May and him to have more family than only each other.
The rest of the meal was spent with the adults planning the logistics of the trip while Morgan glared at him. Peter ignored it, however. He was hoping this weekend would be an amazing time for Morgan and him to bond and he had high hopes for the trip.
4
Peter processes that he had far too high hopes for the trip the second they had finished their tour of MIT and Rhodey had left him in charge for a few minutes while he went to hunt down lunch from a deli down the block. The man had explained to Peter in a hushed tone that the deli was a place he and Tony had often hung out after class and he wanted to go alone, if only to not let them see him cry. Peter had understood and quickly agreed to watch Morgan for twenty to thirty minutes it would take for the man to walk to the deli, order three sandwiches and return.
The two kids were sitting on the grass of the quad under the shade of a large tree. Peter was quietly reading a book, one about engineering that Mr. Stark had given him before the whole Thanos fiasco even started, as Morgan sulked in front of him. The little girl was bouncing up and down on her feet, playing with the ruffles of her purple and yellow floral sundress and look antsy.
Morgan plopped onto the ground next to Peter. She was sitting criss cross applesauce next to him and Peter thought that she was simply going to quietly enjoy the warm air around them. But he was naive and the girl yanked the book out of his hands mid page turn.
He wanted to react and scream at the little girl to give him his book back. The book was beyond important to him. It was a present from Mr. Stark, from his dad, and he wasn’t ready to give up any of his possessions that had belonged to Tony.
Peter gritted his teeth as he heard paper ripping next to him. “You’re too stupid to go to MIT like Daddy.” Morgan sneered at him. “He used to tell me that you were going to go here just like him and that maybe I would too.”
There was more ripping and Peter had to sit on his hands to keep himself from tearing the object out of the little girl’s small grasp. “But he’s my Daddy and not your Daddy and only real children go where their Daddy’s went.”
Peter’s hands were growing numb from sitting on them for too long and his face was soaked with tears.
“He was my Daddy too…” Peter’s words trailed off when he processed how juvenile and stupid he sounded. Morgan was Tony’s actual child and it wasn’t ok for him to claim that he was as well, even when Tony had said it himself in the will.
“No he isn’t!” Morgan shrieked at him, tearing the book into a million tiny pieces. Peter sobbed as watched the shreds of paper land in the dirt and he wanted to scream and cry and throw up all at the same time. “He’s only my Daddy! You don’t have a Daddy Peter, especially not my Daddy!”
Peter couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but he knew that Morgan was right. Peter didn’t have a Daddy and even if Mr. Stark felt like one, he was gone now. He was an orphan with no parents and nobody to love him and even his little sister hated him.
Peter dug his fingers into the cuts on his arm, screaming with pain so loudly that several students glanced their way. They looked concerned at first but when Peter bit his lip to stop himself from screaming, they quickly turned away.
Morgan’s hands curled in the dirt and torn paper, mixing them together. The tears falling like a waterfall from her eyes worked like glue and suddenly it was all one big muddy mess in her hands. The girl was staring at him and her eye’s, Tony’s eyes, were full of complexities.
“I just want you to die already so that Daddy can come back.” She whispered while mashing the substance in her hands. “I’m sorry about your book, I just wanted to make you mad so that you would leave me alone and die already and Daddy would come back again.”
Peter still wasn’t sure Morgan understood how death worked. The little girl clearly didn’t understand that his death would never bring Tony back, no matter how much either of them wanted it. And Peter really did want it. He loved his little sister and he hated himself and he would trade his life for Tony’s in an instant.
But that wasn’t how death worked and he was stuck here alive, without Tony and with a depressed younger sister who hated him. His little sister looked so much like his father but acted nothing like him, that sometimes he wished he could trade her in for his dad. He wanted Tony back so badly. He wanted the love and he wanted his dad and he wanted everything to be alright again.
When Rhodey saw the two of them, he dropped his bag of food. Three bottles of lemonade, three ham and cheese sandwiches and two sugar cookies thudded against the ground as the man sat between the two children of his best friend. He ran one hand over Morgan’s face, catching tears as they fell like shooting stars, and the other one wrapped carefully around Peter’s skinny wrist. The blood was bright red against Rhodey’s dark skin and it looked like oil paint smeared on his hand.
It was the first time anyone other than Morgan had seen the cuts and Peter was expecting some sort of huge reaction. But instead, Rhodey simply held his wrist before he started sobbing; which made Peter cry and Morgan cry harder and they were collectively a hot mess.
“I’m sorry that I left you two alone,” Rhodey choked out and guilt sat heavy in Peter’s stomach. “I shouldn’t have gone anywhere when you were both so clearly in pain. I’m such a bad uncle,” He glanced to the sky, as if Tony was watching them like a guardian angel. “I’m sorry I’m failing them Tones, I really am sorry.”
Peter had ran out of words and Morgan couldn’t stop crying, so neither tried to contradict their Uncle’s false self deprecating thoughts. They simply sat there in silence, the only sound being their crying, and Peter wondered how it had gotten to a point this bad.
5
Peter felt as if his feet were stuck to the ground. He tried to move them, but it felt as if there was superglue on the bottom of his suit and he was stuck.
He watched Tony hold his arm up with determination, the infinity stones glinting in the light. He pulled and pulled and pulled at his feet, trying to un lodge them from the ground as he saw the intensity in his dad’s eyes as the man flexed his.
“Please!” He screamed, “Please don’t leave me here alone, Dad! Please don’t do it1”
He was screaming so loud, but Tony clearly couldn’t hear him and his feet weren’t working and he was stuck. And then Mr. Stark was snapping and his entire world was tilting sideways as Mr. Stark, his dad, sacrificed himself and then faded away into nothingness.
Peter woke up with a start. His entire body felt like it had been electrocuted and tears ran down his face at an alarming rate. He blinked over and over again in an attempt to stop the tears, terrified of waking up Rhodey or the little girl in the bed next to him. He blinked once again, and then cursed silently. Through his cloudy vision, he could clearly see dark brown eyes staring back at him in the darkness.
His eyes were full of tears and it was late and he was confused and disoriented and for a second he could’ve sworn that they were Tony’s eyes. He was in distress and terrified from his dream and he just wanted comfort from his dad, so he reached forward and tried to hug the owner of the eyes.
But the small body in his larger one felt so different from Tony’s. It wasn’t a larger man, holding him close and protecting him from the entire world and that and then the body was hitting him and pushing him away and he was crying even harder because Tony wouldn’t push him away, only Morgan would.
“Get off me!” Morgan screamed, flailing her small body. Her legs swung out and connected with Peter’s and her arms pushed at his chest. The boy was already panicking to the point where he was finding it difficult to breath and when the hand hit his upper chest he sputtered. His entire body convulsed and shook like an autumn leaf falling from a tree and he couldn’t breathe.
Peter’s hands tried to close around Morgan again, his brain still confusing the girl for their father and wanting nothing more than comfort. She was so small that she didn’t have an easy out from Peter’s grasp and she wiggled, trying to escape him. In a moment of depravity, the girl sank her teeth into Peter’s forearm amongst the many cuts.
The boy screamed bloody murder and then the lights were flicking on and Rhodey was staring at the two children in the bed beside his like they both had two heads, before he was diving between them and yanking the child off of her brother. Her teeth were still deep in his skin and everything burned as Morgan was pulled away from him.
Rhodey collapsed on his own bed, the gears of his leg braces whirring from over exertion, and he held Morgan close to his chest as she writhed and screamed. “I want Daddy!” Over and over and over again, until Peter felt like he wanted to scream the words out as well. He was clearly trying to calm the young girl down by rubbing soothing circles into her back and using the other hand to sloppily attempt to video call Pepper.
The woman’s sweet voice filled the room within two minutes, anxiously asking why Rhodey had called her at two in the morning and pressing to see if something had gone wrong. Peter used that moment to his advantage. All the attention was on Morgan and not on the fuck up teenager crying on the other bed and he liked it that way.
Peter scrambled off of the bed and he went to hide in the corner. He had curled his entire small body in on itself into a tiny ball. He felt invisible in the corner and he held his arm close to his chest. The saltiness of the tears made the cuts and bite mark burn as they splashed against his skin, but Peter didn’t care. In fact, he welcomed the pain. He deserved it for making Morgan so upset and for killing her, their, father. He reminded himself that if it was up to Morgan and the part of his brain that hated him the most, he would be dead. Maybe Tony really would come back if he killed himself.
“The fuck did you just say?” Rhodey questioned with such a cool demeanor, it scared him. “Did you just say that Tony would be alive if you were dead.”
It was a question, but was phrased more as a statement and Peter realized that he must’ve spoken his anxieties aloud. The boy curled even further into himself as he heard Pepper demand what was happening over the phone, the woman literally threatening to take an Iron Man suit to Massachusttes if she wasn’t told what was happening immediately.
But Rhodey ignored her, rather pushing Peter even farther. “What did you just say, kid? I need to know what you said.”
“You heard me!” Peter screamed, “I’m the reason our Daddy is dead and everyone knows it!” The boy’s body shook as he scrambled off of the floor and ran into the bathroom. “Morgan’s right and if I can’t have my dad back, I at least want her to have him back…”
The door slammed shut before Rhodey could run forward from the bed and the boy quickly locked it, before bringing his fist back and punching the mirror. Glass shattered everywhere, shards sticking to his knuckles and blood sunk down them as fast as it took him to sink down to the floor.
His sobs filled the entirety of his small room and Peter grabbed a large shard of the glass. He wondered how long it would take for him to bleed out completely. There was a loud, continuous knocking at the door, but he ignored it in favor of staring at the way light reflected on the shards of glass and the constraining feel of pain and guilt in his chest and the overwhelming urge he had to see his father in the afterlife.
He slashed at his wrist, hissing in pain, but truly not caring. This was for Tony and for Morgan he reminded himself over and over and over again, as he watched the blood gurgle up and spill onto the floor of the bathroom.
A large crash echoed throughout the space and Peter flinched away from the scraps of wooden door caving in on him. The Iron Man suit was already retracting off of Pepper’s skin by the time Peter looked up and she lowered herself to sit next to Peter within a second of seeing the blood on his knuckles and wrist.
Morgan hovered in the doorway as her mother tore a large piece of her sleep shirt off and wrapped it tightly around Peter’s arm to stop the alarming flow of blood. He wanted to scream at the woman to leave him alone, however, because he welcomed the blood like an old friend and wanted nothing more than to fade away entirely.
“I don’t think you’re going to die or anything, but I’m worried that you might need stitches.” She muttered clinically, as if she could remove herself and her emotions from the situation entirely by speaking like a doctor instead of a mother.
Morgan was still staring at them as Pepper leaned forward and pulled Peter into a hug. And then, like a rubber band snapping, everything collapsed and Morgan was running forward. She pushed Peter away from her mother, sitting her tiny frame directly into her mother’s lap and screaming, “You can’t have my Mommy too! You already stole my Daddy and you should just die already so my Daddy can come back!” She took in one wavering breath before finishing with a loud “Die, Peter! You need to die so that Daddy can come back!”
Peter sniveled, whispering,“I’m trying to die so you can have Daddy back, I really am.” before trying to tear the piece of fabric off of his wrist. He wanted to bleed out and give this little girl her Daddy, their Daddy, back.
But before he could do anything destructive, Pepper was wrapping her hand around Peter’s own and pushing Morgan off her lap with a mixture of confusion and alarm and disgust. “Morgan Stark, what on earth did I just hear you say to your older brother?” She seethed at the little girl. “Did you just tell your brother to die?” She demanded, “Because I would have no idea what to say to my sweet little girl if she just told Peter to die and that he stole the parents that you share.”
Morgan looked simultaneously ashamed of herself and upset that her mom wasn’t understanding her and the pain that she was feeling so deeply. “He stole my Daddy, Mommy. He stole Daddy and he knows it and he acts like you and Daddy love him, but you can’t love him.” The girl was sobbing by that point, “If you love him, what about me? I’m supposed to be the only person you guys love. There’s not enough for both of us.”
Peter really did understand and validate the little girl and through the tears he tried to make Pepper understand as well. “She’s right, Pepper, I’m not your actual kid and I’m the reason Tony is dead,” He sobbed all wet and huge and concerning. “I know that she hurts me because she misses him, I miss him too and I love her so much. If it means that she’ll hit me or kick me or pinch me or tell me to die… it’s ok, because I deserve it. I really really deserve it, Pepper.”
Pepper’s jaw had dropped so far it looked like it was on the floor. “Did you just say that Morgan hurts you and tells you you deserve to die?” She whispered, as if the words alone were causing the intense sort of pain she had never felt before in her entire life, bar for losing Tony.
Peter was so far past caring by that point that he simply nodded his head. “I deserve it though…” He whispered, because he really did deserve it.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Pepper shifted to pull Peter into her lap like he was an overgrown toddler. He didn’t mind however and let himself be held like a small child. Morgan was sitting next to them on the floor and her eyes were so red rimmed they looked like strawberries. “I am so sorry we didn’t pick up on this sooner, has this been happening for long?”
Morgan surprised everyone in the room by starting to speak. “I thought that you and Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Happy thought I was stupid.” She whispered, “I thought that if I hated Peter and convinced him to leave that I could trade him for Daddy…” Her words tapered off and were quickly replaced with tears.
“I hated that my little sister hated me, but I know that I'm the reason dad is dead. I’m weak and if I was stronger, Tony would still be here.” Peter spoke softly, letting himself soak in the warm feeling of sitting on Pepper’s lap.
Pepper hugged Peter so hard he felt like his bones were being crushed. “I never want to hear you say anything like that again, sweetheart. Daddy was brave and he made his choice to save the world. He left two amazing, strong children behind that deserve love and affection from me and their uncles and each other.”
“You can’t trade Peter for Daddy, Morgan.” Pepper turned to look at her daughter, while still holding Peter in her lap. “That’s just not how death works, sweetheart. But regardless, Peter is your brother and you shouldn’t trade him for anything. He loves you more than anything and he is the only other person in the world who understand what losing Daddy feels like to you.”
Pepper pulled Morgan into her side. The girl was flush against him and her skin was warm against his. For the first time since they met, she wasn’t hurting him when they touched and he let himself enjoy the feeling of his little sister without the pain he usually associated with her touch.
Morgan brought her small hand up to Peter’s face and she wiped a tear away from his the bags under his eyes. “I’m sorry for saying that I hate you and hurting you and telling you to die, Petey.” She whispered and Peter’s entire face cracked into a soft smile at the nickname.
“It’s alright, Morgan.” He whispered between a few soft sobs. “I love you so much and I’ll never stop loving you.”
Pepper smiled, squeezing both of the children together. “I love both my kids.” She promised, “And I miss Daddy too, but at least we have each other.”
Peter smiled, ignoring the pulsing of his arm and focusing only on the feeling of Pepper’s heartbeat and the feeling of Morgan’s skin warm against him. Everything didn’t feel perfect right now, but despite the large slash on his arm, he didn’t feel like he was falling apart anymore. He had his family and he had hope that everything was going to turn out ok.
+1
Morgan leaned into her older brother’s chest as the two children watched Snow White on the large television in the Stark’s living room. Peter played with her soft, dark brown hair as the movie played and focused on the sound of Morgan’s heartbeat and the way she snuggled against him in a trusting manner.
“I really miss Daddy.” She softly whispered into the air.
Peter squeezed her tightly with the hand that wasn’t in the girls hair. “I miss him too.” He replied softly, not sure of how much he wanted to share with his baby sister.
Morgan was innocent and young and sometimes he feared that if he didn’t tell her stories of her father, that she would forget their Dad altogether. He had been a similar age when his biological parents passed away and he barely remembered them, would that be Morgan in ten years? It scared him to think about the reality that his sister's memories of their father would more likely than not completely fade away, until all she could remember was a smile or the feeling of warmth.
“He used to talk a lot about you, and when I was younger I used to think that he would forget about me if you ever came back.” She sniffled once and Peter pet her head soothingly. “I was scared that Spider-Man would come back and he wouldn’t care about plain old Morgan anymore.”
Peter sighed, “He loved both of us equally, I promise.” And for the first time he knew that it was true. He had spent far too long thinking that Tony’s love was reserved for Morgan only, but Pepper had spent the last few months trying to convince him otherwise. “I was simply there earlier to make sure he was an even better Dad for you.”
The boy smirked as a memory floated across his mind. “When I first started working with Dad as Spider-Man he had a protocol called the babysitter protocol. I hated it so much and I used to tease him about needing a real baby to take care of so that he would get off my case.” Peter smiled softly, “And then you came around and he really did have a baby to take care of, but I wasn’t there to pester him about the change of attitude.”
Morgan twisted in his lap to stare at Peter, sticking her tongue out at the boy playfully. “I’m not a baby!” She pouted at her brother.
“You’ll always be his baby, though.” Peter teased and Morgan smiled at him.
“I liked being Daddy’s baby.” She confided in her brother.
Peter smiled goofily at her. He would’ve loved seeing Morgan as a baby and this was one of those moments where he feels overwhelmed with the emotions of knowing that he was gone for five long years and he missed out on so much. He missed the wedding and Morgan’s birth and the first five years of being a big brother and the last five years of being Tony’s son while he was still alive. But he was here now and he was going to make the most of it.
“I wish Dad was alive to see us as siblings together.” He mused at the little girl in his lap. “He spent so much time loving both of us separately and I just wish that he could see us together now. Dad was such a good man and he didn’t deserve to not see his kids ever together.” Peter frowned, “It just makes me sad to think about.”
Morgan nodded her head and Peter felt the rustle against his chest. “It makes me sad too, Petey.” She ran her hand over Peter’s Avenger themed pajama pants. “I think Daddy would also be sad if he knew how I treated my big brother at first.”
She moved her hand to be over Peter’s healed wrist and the boy hissed with phantom pain. “You were such a good big brother to me and I was a bad little sister.”
Peter leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “You know how I cut myself when I was sad about Daddy?” He asked, only continuing when Morgan nodded her head that she understood. “Well you didn’t cut yourself like I did, you did something similar. You hurt somebody you cared about because you were scared and sad and overwhelmed and you’re a little kid, Morgan. It’s hard to understand emotions when we’re little and even though you knew that you were sad and upset and angry, you didn’t understand why and how to express those emotions and who you were actually upset with.”
Morgan ran soft patterns into Peter’s scarred wrist as the boy continued talking. “Some people, like me, hurt themselves when they’re scared and other people, like you, hurt others. You really hurt my feelings Morgan and I’m not going to pretend like you didn’t.” Morgan squirmed in his lap, but he sushed her softly. “But I understand that you didn’t mean to hurt me and you love me now and that’s all that matters.”
Morgan leaned up and planted a wet kiss on Peter’s cheek. “I love you 3000, Petey.”
Peter smiled at his little sister. “I love you 3000 too, Morgan.”
The girl giggled, “That’s as much as I love Daddy.”
Peter smiled, finally feeling content with his relationship with the little girl in his lap. “I am honored you love me as much as you love dad” He told her sincerely, because he truly was honored. “And I love you as much as I loved Dad too.”
Morgan kissed his cheek one more time. “Stark kids forever”
Peter giggled and agreed “Stark kids forever.”