Work Text:
Your name is Equius Zahhak and the night is far too quiet.
You have a strictly enforced schedule to maximize nutritional input and output. Bed at the same time every night, driven to distant dreams of thundering hoofbeasts and royal orders by a glass of milk your lusus has warmed. Tonight, though, the coveted dairy sits uncomfortably in your stomach. You lay in the warm, sticky embrace of your recuperacoon, listening the ticking of your timepiece and the soft machine hum of your robots, all deadened by the sopor but still too loud to quiet your mind.
Perhaps its the interruption of your new ally. They went home some hours prior, but their visit had been a disruption to your day. A welcome one, yes, but....unsettling.
And, in some ways, disappointing.
You chastised yourself. You had no right to feel disappointed.
It was a hope introduced in a matter of seconds, the more weak you for believing in it so strongly.
You know this is how it must be.
With a huff, you brace your arms on the entry port and hoist yourself out of the cloying warmth. The chill of your respiteblock draws an involuntary shiver, or would, if you were in the habit of involuntary. You pull a towel from your well-supplied pile and swing your legs over the side, scrubbing the slime drips from your skin and dropping to the ground, which makes the floor rattle.
No need for lights. Or your glasses. You dress in the thin lines of sunshine that emanates from the gaps of your heavy curtains, settling for boxers and a tanktop. An absent hand cards through your hair as you leave the room.
You do your best to be quiet. Aurthour would undoubtedly want to know what’s wrong, but the disquiet in your chest is too fragile, too new, to speak out loud.
You set yourself in front of your computer, flicking idly between drafts of behavioral programming for your bots. You’ve been thinking about updating their AI, as the fight patterns are becoming predictable. There is no point if it becomes easy.
But you’re listless. Unfamiliar. Not good. Annoying.
Annoyance you at least understand.
You are about to give up for the evening when a notification pops up. Someone is messaging you: evidently your activity online had caused it to register as active. You nearly log off in a huff before you read the username carefully.
After that you can’t open fast enough.
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
AC: :33 < *ac stalks across the plains,seeking her newest purrey, when she notices a light coming the catvern in which her meowrail lives*
AC::33 < *purrplexed, she creeps inside and pounces upon the unsuspecting CT. “what are you doing up so late,” she questions, grinning fangily* (is that a word :??)
An uncontrollable grin stretches your face, despite the antics.
CT: D--> It is not and you will not use it in my presence again.
CT: D--> Hello. You are up late as well and should be in bed.
AC: :33 < *ac rolls her eyes and reminds him that cat’s don’t need as much sleep as big doofuses named equius do*
CT: D--> I am not a doofus. You are.
AC: :33 < u!!
CT: D--> You.
.....Your heart isn’t in it.
CT: D--> Enough. You will cease this.
CT: D--> And....tell me how you are.
AC: ?
AC: :33 < *ac is pawstively bewildered. Her whiskers twitch and she puts a soft kitty paw on his chest, asking her meowrail if everything is alright*
CT: D--> I am not talking about myself, I asked how you were.
AC: :33 < *ac says she is purrfectly fine, and squints suspiciouly. ct doesn’t ask how she is unless something is very wrong.*
You want to deny it again.
But you can only lie for so long to anyone. You can’t do it at all for her.
CT: D--> I am.....admittedly less than ideal.
CT: D--> Temporarily disadvantaged emotionally, in some manner, many might say.
AC: :33 < :00 *ac’s eyes grrrow wide.*
AC: :33< (ooc: do you need a feelings jam)
CT: D-->....
CT: D--> We will have a feelings jam.
AC: !!!!
AC: :33 < *ac stalks around the cave and gathers a purrfect pile of pillows and blankets. she gives equikitty an inviting smile, padding her paws on the soft pile*
CT: D--> We cannot do this in character.
AC: :33 < *ac reafures him it will only be for a little longer*
AC: :33 < *until he sits in the pile, she grins meowschieviously >:33*
You sigh, pushing some hair out of your face. What the heck, you’ll throw her a bone.
Er....a mouse. Cat toy. Catnip? No, definitely not that.
CT: D--> *CT resigns himself to this 100dicrous behavior and sits in the pile, despite the fact that doing this in roleplay is stupid and childish*
AC: :33 < *ur stupid and childish*
CT: D--> *No, that is you.*
AC: :33 < *you!*
CT: D--> *you*
AC: :33 < *you infinity and also its spelled ludiclaws so haha >:33*
AC: :33 < ok ok i’m done.
AC: :33 < whats up owo
CT: D--> I...met someone today
AC::33 < :OO and they didn’t run away as soon as they smelled you?
CT: D--> You will be quiet and acknowledge I do not smell bad.
AC: :33 < nope!
CT: D--> Some manner of unnatural beast. An alien, if Vantas is to be believed.
AC: :33 < oh....you talked to karkitty?
CT: D--> Nepeta
AC: :33 < nothing, nothing! go ahead
CT: D--> The creature e%pressed a desire for an alliance. Vantas vouched for their trustworthiness, and though I am of course not dependent upon a hemodeviant for his opinion of everything...it assuaged my concerns a bit.
AC: :33 < wait, an alien? u made furriends with an extrapurrestial? YOU :00
CT: D--> Obviously. They proved a good sort.Honorable, if frail
AC: :33 < everyone is frail next to you silly
AC: :33 < except for me, i could kick your ass in two shakes of a tail hehe >:33
...Your chest hurts .
Why wasn’t this working. You did this hoping to get this over with but all it was doing was making it worse. This itching sense in your ribs, like there was a string there being pulled taut.
CT: D--> You could not but the effort would interesting.
CT: D--> The alien....brought my attention to certain powers they had.
CT: D--> The ability to transportalize from place to place.
CT: D--> Naturally I commanded them to take me as a passenger.
CT: D--> I wanted to
Your hands freeze over the keyboard before you finish the sentence.
There it is. Dug up by the sharp edge of diamonds, by insistent claws that knead and big listening eyes.
AC: equius?
CT: I wanted to
Tears are stinging hot in the corner of your eyes. Broken teeth grind together as you try to swallow it back, but no amount of strength in the world is enough to hold this. Your fingers slam down on the keyboard, fracture lines appearing in the plastic casing
CT: I wanted to see you. I commanded....I asked them to take me to see you.
CT: It didn’t work.
CT: They were confused. This hadn’t happened to them before. Which means that it was my inadequacy that caused it
CT: I knew it couldn’t happen. I knew it was foolish to hope. Whatever it is that’s been keeping us apart clearly still has its thumb over our narratives, and I should accept that. Whatever it is knows better.
CT: But I wanted to see you. And...I want to see you now. So bad its making me angry. I’m awake because I want to break things but I’m too tired to break things and I hate that I have to break them instead of just getting my wish.
CT: And I wish that I deserved to see you.
CT: I wish I knew what it was I am lacking so I could fi% it and we could both stop hurting like this.
CT: Nepeta I-
Your eyes are blinded now by tears flowing freely down your cheeks. In the heat of the moment you press too harshly on the “I” key and it goes straight through the keyboard. You howl in anger, a long, loud bellow that you’re sure echoes all the way down to Serket’s hive. You rip the keyboard from desktop, snap in two, and hurl the parts at the wall for the sheer satisfaction of watching them splinter. Your chest heaves in labored breathing and sobs are slipping out of your mouth like they haven’t since you were a grub.
You want to be held. You want to hold. That’s what you’ve always wanted. You want someone who you don’t have to worry about hurting to crush into you and tell you that you are ok. If it is a lie you don’t care. A lie would be enough.
Or even an answer.
You’re about to give up and turn on a robot when you hear a low musical tone from your laptop.
arsenicCatnip wants to facechat with centaursTesticle
Your mouse is still attached. You dive to click on the accept call button, nearly chipping another tooth in the process.
Nepeta’s face fills your screen. Her hat is gone, as is her usual trenchcoat. She seems to be dressed for sleep, in an old tshirt and shorts, her hair sticking up on end and a well-battered pillow hugged tight to her chest. That’s not what draws your attention, though. Its her face, twisted by a scowl, with thick streams of olive streaking down her dirty cheeks. You’re left speechless.
Seeing her knocks the wind right out of you. Seeing her cry? Makes you forget speaking was ever an option.
Nepeta: now you listen to me Equius Zahhak
Nepeta: you fucking listen to me
Your mouth reflexively moves to chastise the language, but judging by her face she is not in the mood. She releases the pillow, apparently gripping the sides of her husktop, judging by the faint protesting sounds of plastic you hear from the speaker.
Nepeta: you’re not broken . you’re not lacking or whatever dogshit you tell yourself to explain the things you can’t control. and it is not your fault that we can’t s33 each other!
Nepeta: the only thing wrong with you is that you’re a big sweaty cr33py idiot who can’t stop telling himself that the purrst things in life are fate and there’s nothing anykitty can do about it
Nepeta: guess what
Nepeta: i’m gonna do something about it.
Nepeta: i’m gonna hunt that alien, and i’m gonna find them, cause i’m the best. huntress. in. the. multiverse , and i’m gonna make them take me to s33 you. and if their powers still don’t work then i’m gonna find the narrative guy and f33d his guts to Pounce de Leon.
Nepeta: and then i’m gonna give you a big hug after punching your stupid lights out for making me cry, because you’re my meowrail and i LOVE YOU.
You’re crying now. Properly. Your face twisting up in a horrifying manner as tears and snot and sweat drips down your face. In the morning you knew you would be horrified at the display you were making of yourself, but right now your head just sinks into your folded arms. From the screen you can hear the sound her own sobs, sniffling and plaintive whines. Pounce de Leon meows concernedly in the background.
You pound the desk. Lightly. Before straightening up to wipe harshly at his eyes.
Equius: Your language is uncouth and unbecoming even the lowest midblood and I love you too.
Nepeta tries to force a watery smile through sobs, her eyes getting squinty and red.
Equius: I love you, Nepeta Leijon.
Nepeta: of course you do.
Nepeta: uhm.... She chuckles faintly, swiping at her eyes and grimacing at the streaking of her thick eyeliner. No matter how often you insisted she all but refused to wash her face before bed. guess this is a lot more crying than our f33lings jams usually are.
Nepeta: are you feline better though
Equius: Much.
Equius: Normally I would launch into some species of monologue regarding my requirement for your absolute discretion about this conversation, but...
Equius: In this instance I will allow it to slide.
She snorts, sending more snot flying. With a groan, she hunts around for a tissue, evidently failing. Her eyes zero in on the pillow in her lap, and her pupils expand in a manner you recognize.
Equius: You will not-
She’s already picked up the pillow and rubbed her dripping face all over it, emerging with wild hair and even streakier make up. You glower resignedly at her, which only makes her grin wider.
Nepeta: too late hehe >:33
Equius: How are you even-....never mind.
Equius: It is late. You will put yourself to bed.
Nepeta: fiiine. but you’re gonna sleep too.
Nepeta: and befur you ask, no, that’s not a command, you gross-o
Equius: I will sleep.
Equius: Good day
Nepeta: love you you’re face is dumb bye-
Before you can respond she hangs up the call.
In the quiet of your computer room, you start to laugh. A warm, ecstatic rush that carries you all the way back to your recuperacoon and into kind dreams.
You replace the keyboard in the morning and wake up to an unopened message, sent moments after you went to bed.
AC: :33 <
It takes you a moment, but you eventually understand.
CT: -->
Days in the future, but not too many
Be the Reader===>
You find Equius in the grassy fields outside his house, doing kickflips and punches in the moonlight. You would almost think it was majestic, if he wasn’t surrounded an intimidating amount of broken trees. You call to get his attention, and he turns out the sound of your name. He gives you an awkward half smile and a stiff arm wave.
You tell him you’ve brought him a surprise. An eyebrow raises as he considers your empty hands.
Which causes him to not notice the glowing yellow eyes over his shoulder.
Equius: You wi-
T A C K L E S L I D E
Nepeta: :33 < hey doofus
Nepeta: :33 < guess what time it is >:33