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TO: Fantasy Football Team Owners, Catelyn Stark
FROM: Stannis Baratheon, Commissioner
RE: Draft Weekend.
DATE: August 24, 2014
Dear Owners and Catelyn,
Initially, I think we should all express our gratitude to Catelyn and Ned Stark for hosting the Draft this year. We appreciate you opening your home to us. Catelyn has asked that everyone staying at the Stark’s confirm with her this week.
Secondly, I will be preparing the numbers for the random draft order draw once we have all arrived at Winterfell so as to ensure no irregularity in the proceedings.
Thirdly, anyone who will not be attending the Draft, please let me know so I can choose your number and you can be set up to draft online.
Fourthly, please review the Draft rules. For the first three rounds, each team will have ninety seconds in which to make their pick. For the remaining fifteen rounds, each team will have one hundred-fifty seconds in which to make their pick. Failure to make a timely pick will result in the loss of that pick.
Finally, I ask that we keep the Draft sane and orderly this year. No one wants a repeat of some of the prior Drafts.
I look forward to seeing you soon.
Sincerely,
Stannis Baratheon
The Iron Throne League Commissioner
--
LadyRose: You are so dating.
WarriorMaiden: We are not.
LadyRose: You brought him to game night.
WarriorMaiden: Tyrion and Jaime came to game night together.
LadyRose: Uh huh. And which of them put his arm around you every chance he got?
WarriorMaiden: Jaime is just touchy feely.
LadyRose: Uh huh. He didn’t touch me once.
WarriorMaiden: If we were dating, he’d have kissed me. He hasn’t. We aren’t.
LadyRose: He will.
WarriorMaiden: Whatever.
LadyRose: What would you do if he kissed you?
WarriorMaiden: He won’t, so I don’t need to worry about it.
[KissedByFire has joined the conversation.]
LadyRose: Kiss you, run his hand up your side. Cup your breast.
KissedByFire: Uh? Did I interrupt something?
WarriorMaiden: Marg needs to get laid.
KissedByFire: So she’s cybersexxing you?
LadyRose: I’m trying to get Brienne laid.
KissedByFire: I thought you were sleeping with Jaime.
WarriorMaiden: Why does everyone think that?
LadyRose: Because it’s just a matter of time.
WarriorMaiden: We are just friends.
KissedByFire: Sure, Brie.
LadyRose: She brought him to game night.
WarriorMaiden: Then Marg brought Tyrion to game night.
KissedByFire: Oh, did you get a peek? How is the little man?
LadyRose: I don’t know.
WarriorMaiden: Yet.
KissedByFire: You two can marry the Lannister boys and become real sisters.
--
UKnowUWantMe: its not fair
BeardedStag: No, it’s not.
UKnowUWantMe: brie and jaime kicked r asses at taboo, tyrion won at trivia and no1 woudl agree 2 truth or dare or dirty clue
BeardedStag: I supported your suggestions.
UKnowUWantMe: i need 2 know what jaime uses on his hair
BeardedStag: We’ll find out.
UKnowUWantMe: do u think it’s getting better?
BeardedStag: Yes, I love your hair.
UKnowUWantMe: ur just saying that
BeardedStag: We are all staying at Ned and Catelyn’s for the draft, we can find out what Jaime uses then.
KnowUWantMe: they have childrn
BeardedStag: Children aren’t the worst things in the world.
UKnowUWantMe: well, no, eventually, but i dont want 2 stay w them
BeardedStag: Me neither, really.
UKnowUWantMe: book a room 4 us
BeardedStag: Hotel sex?
UKnowUWantMe: :)
--
URallAssholes: did u kiss her?
Kingslayer: Not yet. She never gives me any signals that she wants me to.
URallAssholes: it’s tall chick, what r u expecting?
Kingslayer: I don’t know. A sign. I think I’m still in the friendzone.
URallAssholes: did u book a room 4 winterfell?
Kingslayer: Had Peck do it. One room. King-sized bed.
URallAssholes: u fukin tall people and ur king size
Kingslayer: How do I convince her to stay with me though?
URallAssholes: b sure 2 get in at like 2am, so she’s 2 tired 2 argue
Kingslayer: This better work.
URallAssholes: trust me
--
SharkReek: hes great
PinkISPretty: He’s kind of short and throws barware.
SharkReek: but hes like this great mobster
PinkISPretty: On a soap opera.
PinkISPretty: About a hospital.
SharkReek: but he’s like totally cool and chicks dig him
PinkISPretty: I don’t dig him.
SharkReek: but he’s sonny freaking corinthos
PinkISPretty: What does he smuggle anyway? Porn? Gummy Bears?
SharkReek: that guy who was his hit man though
PinkISPretty: Jason?
SharkReek: cool black tshirts?
PinkISPretty: Yes. He’s on Young and the Restless now.
SharkReek: victor still on there?
PinkISPretty: yes
SharkReek: vic newman is great
PinkISPretty: so tell me this celebration penalty thing?
SharkReek: if u score, u can get a penalty for excessive celebration
PinkISPretty: shouldn’t u celebrate if u score points?
SharkReek: THANK YOU! go tell that 2 the ginger hammer
PinkISPretty: who?
SharkReek: roger goodell, nfl commish and all around douchebag
PinkISPretty: like stannis?
SharkReek: not exactly
--
Kingslayer: Hey
WarriorMaiden: Hey?
Kingslayer: I booked us a hotel for draft weekend.
WarriorMaiden: I thought you were staying with Catelyn?
Kingslayer: I figured we would get in late, so if we stay in a hotel, it will be easier.
WarriorMaiden: You got me a room too?
Kingslayer: Sure..
WarriorMaiden: Thank you. I’ll pay you back.
Kingslayer: Really, Brienne. There is no need.
WarriorMaiden: Jaime. I can’t let you pay for me. And I’ll pay my share of the gas up there.
Kingslayer: No.
WarriorMaiden: Yes.
Kingslayer: Not going to happen.
WarriorMaiden: You can’t stop me.
[SharkReek has joined the conversation.]
SharkReek: Titties, titties, everywhere,
Those nipples I would pluck;
Titties, titties, everywhere,
Oh, how I long to suck!
Kingslayer: Please, wench. I could take you out.
WarriorMaiden: You could not.
WarriorMaiden: Wait. Was that the Rime of the Ancient Mariner?
SharkReek: mebbe
Kingslayer: Did someone buy you a poetry book?
SharkReek: im not stupid u know
WarriorMaiden: You just play an idiot on TV?
SharkReek: cant wait to kick ur asses, dillweeds
[SharkReek has left the conversation.]
WarriorMaiden: I’m going to pay my share.
Kingslayer: Your share is zero.
WarriorMaiden: Are you going to fight me over this?
Kingslayer: I’m strong enough.
WarriorMaiden: To do what?
Kingslayer: Throw you down...pin you to the ground…
WarriorMaiden: You want to wrestle over it?
Kingslayer: ...Yes?
--
LadyRose: You arranged what?
URallAssholes: jaime adn brienne will ride up 2 winterfell alone and stay in 1 hotel room
LadyRose: Does, uh, Catelyn know?
URallAssholes: dunno, brie can tell her we got a hotel
LadyRose: How are you getting up there if you aren’t riding with them?
URallAssholes: u want 2 drive me?
LadyRose: Are you inviting me to the sacred male bonding ritual of the League draft?
URallAssholes: sure, we can share a room
LadyRose: In your dreams.
URallAssholes: in ur fantasies
--
SexontheSand: I’m going with Oberyn to the draft.
KissedByFire: I’m going with Jon to the draft. Gilly is coming with Sam.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Dad wants me to go with Theon.
LadyRose: I’m going with Tyrion.
KissedByFire: Indeed?
LadyRose: Just as friends.
IronIslandsBattleBabe; Uh huh.
KissedByFire: Jon wants to have hotel sex.
SexontheSand: Oberyn loves hotel sex. Does Tyrion want it as well?
LadyRose: I am not having hotel sex with Tyrion.
KissedByFire: Uh uh uh.
--
UKnowUWantMe: u both do it
WarriorMaiden: No we don’t.
BeardedStag: u do
UKnowUWantMe: u 2 have it as some sex signal?
[UKnowUWantMe invited Kingslayer to join the conversation.]
[Kingslayer has joined the conversation.]
WarriorMaiden: Jaime and I do not have secret sex signals.
Kingslayer: Uhm? What?
UKnowUWantMe: we saw ur secret sex signals w brie
BeardedStag: You were too obvious.
WarriorMaiden: Ignore them.
UKnowUWantMe: ren started keeping count
Kingslayer: What are you talking about?
BeardedStag: You bite your lip. Brienne bites her lip. Brienne runs her hand through her hair. You run your hand through your hair. Your secret sex signals.
UKnowUWantMe: couples take on each other’s habits
WarriorMaiden: Jaime and I are not a couple. We are just friends.
Kingslayer: We do spend a lot of time together. And I noticed you biting your lip.
BeardedStag: See? You’re rubbing off on each other.
UKnowUWantMe: hey jaime, what conditioner do u use?
WarriorMaiden: We aren’t rubbing off on each other.
BeardedStag: Yet.
--
CommissionerByRight: The music video is somewhat amusing, but it does little to actually teach grammar or spelling skills, especially as how there are no spaces between many of the words which appear on the screen.
KellyCsBear: But it’s amusing.
CommissionerByRight: “Weird” Al Yankovic has made a minor success out of being marginally amusing. That does not make his Word Crimes parody particularly innovative.
KellyCsBear: Dany likes it.
CommissionerByRight: That commends it little.
--
WarriorMaiden: Catelyn, Jaime, Tyrion and I are going to be staying in a hotel for Draft weekend instead of at your place.
RedHeadedMother: What??
WarriorMaiden: Jaime says we will probably get in really late and he’s booked us for a hotel so you don’t have to stay up or worry about finding a place for us to sleep.
WarriorMaiden: It was really kind of thoughtful of him.
RedHeadedMother: But, I had sleeping arrangements...I’d had such a plan…
WarriorMaiden: This will make your life easier. I know it’s a lot to have everyone in.
RedHeadedMother: Yes, well...yes.
WarriorMaiden: I think Ren and Loras are getting a hotel too.
RedHeadedMother: I see.
--
Kingslayer: You can bring snacks.
WarriorMaiden: And pay for gas.
Kingslayer: No, just snacks.
WarriorMaiden: Are we going to fight about the snacks too?
Kingslayer: Funions.
WarriorMaiden: I love Funions.
Kingslayer: Little Debbie cakes.
WarriorMaiden: The white ones with the chocolate stripe.
[iluvgilly has joined the conversation.]
Kingslayer: YES. See, I am rubbing off on you.
iluvgilly: sry i always interript ur cyber sex, ill come back later
[iluvgilly has left the conversation.]
WarriorMaiden: *facepalm*