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“So we’re just going to pretend this isn’t happening?”
“Shut up, Jerry. They’re in love," Beth says, her words slurring from how visibly drunk she is. The woman's on her fifth glass of wine this morning. Jerry doesn't give up, hoping to knock some sense in his wife. “Beth, this is your son. The same one you held as a little baby all those years ago. The same one that came from your ova-”
“Oof someone’s a homophobe,” Summer drawls, not even bothering to look up from her phone.
“I'm not a homophobe, Summer. Trust me, I will be very supportive if Morty chose to kiss other boys, but he’s kissing Rick! Rick! Your grandpa Rick!? And by the sound of it, they’re doing more than just kissing!!!”
“What do you think we can do about it then? Any suggestions on how to take down a god?” Beth says bitterly.
“I-I don't know… At least try being a good mother? At least try acting like you even care that this is wrong?”
“Oh here we go-“ Beth rolls her eyes. "Of course Jerry you've figured it out somehow to make all of this my fault-"
They go silent when the very obvious sinful creaking upstairs cease for a while followed by the sound of feet running down the stairs. Beth coughs nervously while Jerry looks down his glass of milk like it was the most interesting thing in the universe. The non-incestuous members of the Smith family resume their positions in the dining table, pretending they were actually eating and not arguing about who gets to fuck who.
“Fine day we’re having JeRRrry,” Rick burps amiably, obviously taunting him.
Jerry blanches. Mother of God. They don’t even have the decency to stroll downstairs not half naked.
“Holy shit, I’m so thirsty," Morty announces.
“So those aunts and uncles I poured in your mouth weren’t enough?”
“Rick!”
They all struggle not to roll their eyes when Morty calls his name like he’s actually scandalized. Rick chugs the orange juice (straight from the box, Jerry observes) and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "Just fucking with you, Morty," he replies, throwing a smug smile in Jerry's direction, "I tend to do a lot of that, don't I? Heh."
“So dad… about you and Morty-” Beth starts, too drunk to hold her tongue.
“What about me and your son, sweetie?”
“I just- I just want to make sure that you-”
“That I'm not hurting him? Beth, I'm not hurting him. In fact, he's the one asking for another round-"
“IJUSTWANTTOKNOWIFYOU’REUSINGPROTECTION!”
Jerry doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing Rick choke on his orange juice because he's too busy choking on his coffee too.
"I’m not going to give your golden boy space aids, Beth!”
“But still-”
“And if I did, which I probably wouldn’t," Rick says matter-of-factly like they're supposed to be relieved as parents that he's not giving Morty any diseases. Like that's the fact they're worried about. "I’m smart enough to actually heal it.”
“I’m just wondering why you just couldn’t. I mean, it’s a small thing compared to...” compared to the fact i’m letting you fuck my son, Jerry finishes Beth's sentence for her in his mind.
Rick puts a hand on his hip. “Do you really want me to spell it out for you?"
They all look at him in horror. Even Summer puts her phone down for a minute.
"Do you want me to describe in full vivid detail how tight your son's ass is? How I can never pull out because those muscles grip my cock so hard like a goddamn black hole? How Morty, fucking Morty, begs me so sweetly that I cum inside of him?"
"...No."
"I thought so, sweetie."
From the corner of his eye, Jerry notices that Morty blushes like a virgin with Rick's odes about his tight ass, and he looks back at his cereal, wondering where he went wrong in raising his son.
"Nice talk," Rick says, "would love to do this again but unfortunately I have more important things to do."
They all visibly deflate when Rick spins on his back to leave. Morty awkwardly follows him, still stuttering apologies to his parents' direction.
Morty scratches the back of his head. "Aw jeez I guess I gotta uh-"
Rick's voice calls from the stairs, "First one to the top gets to top!"
And Jerry... Jerry finally passes out.