Chapter Text
Drops of water beat down against the tiled ground. The hot against cold resulted in billows of steam.
The hot water burned against his skin causing it to turn bright red in irritation.
His knees pulled tightly to his chest as his arms wrapped around his legs keeping them close.
He couldn't bring himself to move from his position- even if his skin itched and his fingers began pruning.
He couldn't cry. He felt a multitude of emotions and yet noting at all. His head swirled as did the water as it fell through the holes in the drain.
He stared at the same spot against the wall, unsure if he'd been blinking or not.
His eyes fell shut. The exhaustion jabbed against his eyes like thumbs, pressing into his sockets.
"Reg? I think you should get out now..."
The voice floated through his head like fresh honey. It was sophisticated in a way that wasn't snobby- casual in a way that wasn't careless.
He could almost feel the ghost of touch against his shoulder.
'Five more minutes' he wanted to mutter, but when his eyes opened he knew he'd been alone.
Regulus's demons weren't demons at all. He was tormented by the people he'd failed.
Regulus didn't see horrific monsters like most- because he was the monster.
He wished he could sit in the shower forever. The water against his skin washing away all his problems.
Here he could pretend there was no war. He could pretend that people weren't dying. He could pretend that the world was still.
This was his fear speaking. The voice in the back of his head that told him that what he was about to do would kill him.
Regulus was never as sure about anything in his life as he was about that- he was walking aimlessly towards his death.
He didn't want to die, but he was ready to do so. To bring an end to the raging war.
He breathed out shakily, detaching his aching arms and pushed himself off from the tiled ground.
His limbs cracked as he stretched them. His hand grasped the nozzle twisting slightly as the water ceased.
He slid the glass door open walking out into the steam filled room. The condensation ran down the mirror like streams of tears.
Moisture hung in the air as single drips of water plopped to the ground almost rhythmically.
Regulus slipped the coffee colored towel off the metal holder before bringing it to his hair, ruffling it as its moisture soaked into the cotton.
He stopped in front of the mirror as he dragged the towel down from his head and wrapped it around his waist.
He swiped the fog from the mirror with the back of his hand allowing for a small chunk of mirror to clear.
He saw the dark bags under his eyes. The way his damp hair stuck unruly all over. His skin a paler shade then it'd once been- almost sickly.
He wasn't sure if it mattered anymore, most did not look good when staring into the face of death itself.
He turned heading the short distance towards the door, gripping its metal knob before pushing it open.
The chill air of his bedroom brushed against his skin sending shivers down his spin.
He removed the towel from his waist tossing it lazily onto his silk bedding.
He dug into the dark cedar dresser pulling out a clean outfit. His clothes consisted of deep Slytherin green and black, making his choices second to none.
He slipped the black shirt over his head blinding him momentarily as he tumbled clumsily back into the dresser.
He winced as a crash echoed through the space. The sound of glass shooting across the floor.
"Careful, Regulus. Try not to cut yourself."
This voice was higher. A slight rasp in the voice that stayed through the ages. The woman's voice was warm and mother-like.
If he tried hard enough he could hear the soft humming of his childhood.
He yanked his head through the hole allowing him to take in the scene.
He carefully crouched picking up the faced-down picture frame.
He stood up, hissing slightly as he pricked his finger against the leftover shard of glass. He shook the frame slightly, causing the last piece to join the rest.
A picture of Sirius and Regulus. Cake covered with icing smeared over both their faces- a picture Andromeda had taken for Regulus's eleventh birthday.
How times were so much simpler then. Before Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. Before Sirius ran away. Before the war.
Regulus sighed, his lip quivering slightly as he placed the coverless picture frame back on top of his dresser.
He moved around the glass mess before stepping into his pants. He headed towards his nightstand pulling the drawer open and removing a single gold locket.
He slipped it over his head grasping the locket in his fist. He racked his brain looking if there was anything he wanted to do before his mission.
His eyes traveled to the layer of parchment upon his desk. He released the locket as it resumed its place, dangling from his neck.
He stepped to his desk pulling an ink pot from the drawer before sitting front of the paper.
To those I've failed,
Regulus apparated as close as he could get without setting off Voldemort's ministry spies- the rest was a hike. Kreacher followed silently by Regulus's side.
If you're reading this I am dead. I have written this in the event that my plans have taken an expected turn for the worst.
The sun began to set as the sky transitioned from blue to pinks and purples, growing progressively darker as he chipped further into his journey.
I have a lot to say. Most of which I wished I would've said while I was alive.
Before you burn this, throw it away, bury it far in the back of your minds just- listen.
Regulus wiped the cold sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. Breathing in and out slowly.
He squinted as he traveled in the midst of darkness. The moon and stars lighting his way.
To my big brother, Sirius. I regret cowering away when you needed me. I regret letting you push me away. I regret not leaving with you that day. Every hateful comment, every glare, every insult- all of it I regret. You were my brother even if I wasn't yours.
Regulus plopped to the ground. His butt hitting the cold grass as he stared up at the sky for most likely the last time.
He shivered as the temperature dropped. Kreacher stood beside Regulus and watched as he stared up into the night sky.
To Andromeda. You were more of a mother to me than mine ever had been. I regret cutting all ties with you. I regret not trying harder to reach out. I wish everyday that you are happy and well. Thank you for everything.
"We have a bit of ways to go, Master Regulus." Kreacher announced.
Regulus eyes stayed glued upon a specific star. It shone brighter than any other around it.
"Just wanted to see my brother one last time." Regulus explained.
To Cissy. I owe you so much. When I was scared and alone you excepted me for who I was, even when I could not. I wish I told you how much it meant to me when you would braid my hair. I should've told you how much of a sister you had been and how much I loved you for it.
Regulus walked beside Kreacher as their heels dug into the sand beneath their feet.
Waves crashed against the rocks, leaving salt residue.
The pair was silent during their journey, heading closer and closer towards the cave as Sirius twinkled from behind them.
"Be careful, Regulus."
Regulus smiled. The voice was stern like his mother's, but possessed the love that hers had not.
The voice was like music. Poetic and soft. The way it carried itself showed grace.
To James. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not cherishing ever moment- every touch, every word. I regret not saying it back. Not telling you that I loved you when I did. I loved you with every bone in my body and will have continued until my final breath. I owe you everything. You were the reason I woke up in the mornings, the reason I smiled, the reason I was able to see a future for myself. Unfortunately, time was something we had very little of.
Regulus hesitated slightly as he looked down into the purple colored potion with a lurch in his stomach.
"You don't have to do this."
This voice was one Regulus dreamed about daily. The love apparent in every word.
His voice was strong without being forced. His words were simple yet full of emotion.
The voice of the strong-minded boy with glasses was like a melody he could never purge from his head.
"But I do." Regulus mumbled.
Among the things I regret there are things I do not.
My regrets do not shadow my choices. Those I must own up to.
Regulus cried in agony as he finished the last of the potion- allowing the horocrux to show itself.
Tear streamed down his face as he sobbed.
Kreacher yanked the locket from the pedestal before dropping the fake one in.
Regulus moved towards the water as he head screamed for him to do so.
I've made my choice, in hopes that this war will end fast and painlessly- in hopes of your survival and long happy lives.
Hands. Long fingers clasped upon his limbs.
"Master Regulus!" Kreacher shouted.
"Take it! Destroy it at all cost!" Regulus spat as his body was drug further in the water.
Kreacher hesitated not wanting to leave the boy.
"Go!" Regulus screamed before he completely submerged underneath the water.
He fought against the hands, thrashing around in the murky water as his head pounded against his skull threatening to explode.
His eyes grew heavy.
And then it was dark.
Until we meet again, you'll always know where to find me-
Amidst the springtime sky.
Love,
Regulus Arcturus Black