Chapter Text
Here we go again, I kind of want to be more than friends - Animal by Neon Trees -
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Bakugou Katsuki was the dumbest fucking person on the planet.
Not school wise. No, in that regard, he was one of the smartest. Kirishima had to be tutored by him to uphold a B average, and he appreciated it! He appreciated Bakugou’s lessons.
But he was so fucking stupid.
“You know,” Sero said lazily. “If it were anyone else, I would have told you to give up by now. ‘Look Kiri, I just don't think he’s that into you’.”
The rest of them—Kirishima, Kaminari, Ashido, and Jirou—gave him flat looks, and he grinned.
“I said if he were anyone else. But he’s Bakugou, and he’s just astronomically oblivious.”
The issue was this. Kirishima was madly in love with his best friend. His best friend was also madly in love with him, only he didn't seem to know it. Either he didn't know it, or he didn't think Kirishima liked him, and refused to make a move. Usually, that would be pretty normal. Not confessing to someone who you don't think likes you back isn't an especially rare event. Lack of an event, actually. The problem was, Kirishima had been so excruciatingly obvious about his feelings that frankly, it was astounding Bakugou still hadn't picked up on it. They had been on at least four dates, just this year.
And yet.
“Alright, what number are we on?” Jirou asked, struggling to sit up from where she was draped across Ashido’s bean bag chair. On the floor next to her, Kirishima consulted his notebook and groaned.
“Seven. Any ideas?”
They were all quiet for a couple seconds, thinking. Glancing at the clock, Kirishima was pleased to see that they had another fifteen minutes before Bakugou came back from the gym and would wonder why they were all hanging out without him. How Bakugou could stand to workout in this kind of weather was beyond all of them, the rest of 3-A included. The sudden heat wave had most of them melting across couches and sitting in front of the vents as they pumped cold air into the dorm building. For their current brainstorming session, Ashido had stolen Uraraka’s fan so that the five of them didn't overheat in the close-quarters.
Suddenly, Ashido snapped her fingers and leaned forward, ignoring Sero’s indignant huff from where he sat on the ground next to her bed as she rested her forearm on his head. “I’ve got it,” she said proudly. “Cuddle with him!”
“Mina!” Kirishima crowed. “I love you, you're a goddamn genius.” He hunched over the notebook, quickly scribbling it in next to number seven.
How to get pineapple to realize i'm in love with him
1. Tell him how much he means to me
2. Call him a pet name
3. Hold his hand
4. Take him out to a fancy restaurant
5. Give him flowers
6. Tell Midoriya and his parents
7. Cuddle with him
Number six had been heavily debated, but Kaminari insisted that both parties could slip hints to Bakugou about both his own and Kirishima’s feelings, and no one could refute that. By their third year, Bakugou and Midoriya’s relationship was one of brothers, more than anything. Their friend group had tried their hardest, but if anyone could help Bakugou figure out his feelings other than them, it was their green-haired friend.
“Guys, I still think four is useless,” Sero said, his head lolling back against the bed. Kirishima watched the sheen of sweat on his forehead dance as clouds passed over the sun. “That’s the date one, right? You've been on a lot already.”
"Not that he knows that," Jirou snorted.
“And not to a fancy restaurant,” Ashido pressed, bopping Sero lightly on the head and flashing Kirishima a thumbs up. “That’s totally a couples thing. Camie told me that one time, she had tried getting him to go with her to Kare Raisu Kafé after a patrol together, but he had insisted on going to an soba drive through instead and yelled at her for suggesting something romantic.”
“Okay, then that’s the restaurant we’ll go to,” Kirishima announced. He had never been there, but he used to pass by it on his way to school way back in first year, before the dorms were built. Despite Kirishima being bothered by the fact that it was a dinner place and had the word ‘cafe’ in the name, it certainly looked fancy, at least from the outside. If he took Bakugou there it would have to be a special occasion. Really special. “There’s no way he won't get that if he himself said it was romantic.” He crossed out “fancy restaurant” on the list and replaced it with Kare Raisu Kafé, nodding to himself after it was written.
“For eight, we should ask Aoyama to say something to him,” Kaminari gasped, grinning to himself as he sat upright from where he was laying with his limbs splayed on on the rug. “Like how he told ‘Raka she liked Midoriya and Mina that she liked Utsushimi!”
“Hey!” Ashido protested. “I figured that out all by myself!”
“Yeah, you only needed all of us, Aoyama, Bakugou, Uraraka, and Todoroki to hype you up enough to actually do something about it,” Sero snickered. “That’s like, half the class.” He grinned as he avoided her half-hearted punch, shrugging nonchalantly when she mock-glared at him.
“Bakugou would kill him,” Jirou said, lip quirking. Kirishima caught her gaze and returned her smirk, certain that they were both visualizing the sight of an embarrassed Bakugou spluttering to Aoyama how much he did not like Kirishima.
“No way! Well, probably,” Kaminari admitted. “But he’d totally think about it afterwards. And we all know Aoyama wouldn't mind sacrificing himself for the sake of true love.”
“I have no doubt that Aoyama would help, but I kind of want him to figure it out on his own, you know? It wouldn't be as fun for someone to just tell him,” Kirishima said.
“Ah shit,” Kaminari sighed. “You're right.”
“Call him babe or baby,” Jirou suggested. “And for number two, a sweeter pet name like honey or sweetheart or something.”
“Are you saying what I think you're saying?” Ashido smirked. “Kiri, Jirou thinks you should say babe or baby in a flirty way. All sexy and stuff, with that Flynn Rider smolder.”
“Oh my god,” Sero and Kaminari said in unison.
“Oh my god,” Kirishima agreed.
“I think he might actually die,” Kaminari laughed.
“I actually really like that idea,” Kirishima said, tapping his chin. “Yeah. I'll add that for eight.” Kirishima would be the first to admit that he had a slight obsession with making Bakugou flustered. He nodded to himself at the amended list, his mind already whirring with scenarios. He added ‘cute’ to the end of step two, just so he didn't forget. It was looking pretty comprehensive so far, if he did say so himself.
“Wait wait wait,” Sero said, holding a hand up. “Move that to nine. For eight you should kiss him on the cheek.”
“Genius,” Ashido and Jirou said in unison, grinning at him and each other. Kirishima nodded and moved it down, scrawling “kiss him on the cheek” for number eight.
“Wait, cheek or forehead?” Kaminari asked. “Forehead kisses are so sweet.” To emphasize his point, he leaned over and grabbed Jirou’s face between his hands, squishing her cheeks lightly as he pecked her forehead. She rolled her eyes and shoved him away, but none of them missed the endearing blush on her cheeks. The five of them looked at each other, contemplating, before Kirishima shrugged and added in “or forehead”.
“Whichever fits the situation,” he explained, turning it around to show them. Each of their eyes were drawn to the last number, the foreboding number ten, bolded and underlined to indicate its importance. Kaminari snatched both the notepad and pencil from Kirishima’s hand and hurriedly scribbled something down. Despite craning his neck, Kirishima couldn't see what was being written, until Kaminari proudly held it up to show the rest of them.
“Makeout with him until he spontaneously combusts,” he declared as Kirishima’s eyes swept over the sentence.
“It wouldn't be spontaneous if he combusted while making out with Ei,” Ashido pointed out. Kaminari rolled his eyes dramatically and crossed out the word, showcasing the revised version with a wide grin.
“That works,” Sero said approvingly. “If the first nine steps aren't enough, that most certainly will be.”
“I’ll probably get murdered,” Kirishima said, resigned. “But if that’s what it takes to get it through his thick head.”
“At this point, I'm convinced that his brains are mostly made up of spiky hair,” Jirou snorted. Kirishima touched the tips of his own spiky hair defensively.
“It’s where he stores his rage,” Sero added wisely.
“And his love for math,” Ashido giggled.
“No wonder he’s so fucking dense about this stuff,” Kaminari cackled. “Who likes math? He uses his brain for like, the least important thing in the world. Obviously, getting laid is so much more—”
“Kami!” Kirishima interrupted, covering his flaming face with his hands while his friends howled with laughter. “That is not the goal!”
“Not yet at least,” Sero snorted.
“Don't worry, Kiri!” Ashido insisted, smacking both boys over the head while sending him a reassuring smile. “Baby steps, you know? It’s taking this much just to confess to him.”
“Doesn't it take two people to makeout?” Jirou said suddenly. They looked at her in confusion, gaze shifting back to Kirishima when she gestured loosely to the notepad. “Step ten. He probably won't jump right into it, you know?”
“Change it to kiss,” Sero advised.
How to get pineapple to realize i'm in love with him
1. Tell him how much he means to me
2. Call him a pet name (cute!!)
3. Hold his hand
4. Take him out to a fancy restaurant Kare Raisu Kafé
5. Give him flowers
6. Tell Midoriya and his parents
7. Cuddle with him
8. Kiss him on the cheek or forehead
9. Pet name pt. 2 (flirty!!)
10. Kiss him until he spontaneously combusts
Finally, the list was done. Hopefully, it wouldn't take all ten steps for Bakugou to realize, but if it did, Kirishima was more than happy to go all the way.
“I hope that you'll be keeping the compliments up throughout,” Sero said. “Even though they're not technically part of the list.”
“Obviously. Who do you take me for?”
“Desperate.”
“You're right.”
“Should there be like, a timeline?” Ashido asked, cocking her head to the side. “For how often you should do the steps?”
“Nah,” Kirishima replied, giving it another once-over. Some steps—like telling Midoriya and his parents—would go fast. He could probably fit in the flowers or cuddles on that same day, but others, like numbers four, eight, and nine were a little strong, so they might need to be spaced out a little. “I'm thinking I'll just go with the flow, you know? It might take a whole week before steps but I don't want to rush anything.”
His friends nodded at his words. “Well,” Jirou said, stretching. “Get your man, man.”
“Mortal Kombat, anyone?” Kaminari offered. They all made noises of agreement except for Kirishima, who was planning on starting the list today when he went to hangout with Bakugou after he got back from the gym.
“If anything happens, I'll tell you guys ASAP,” he promised. He heaved himself up to his feet, yanking Kaminari up as he went when his friend lazily waved an arm in the air, and dusted himself off. The five of them filed out of Ashido’s room, making a quick stop at Uraraka’s to return the fan before making their way to the elevator. Kirishima waved as his friends stepped out onto floor three before continuing on his way down to the ground floor.
Just as he was about to step outside into the heat and find Bakugou, the blond in question flung the front door open, letting in a gust of hot air. He was sweating actual droplets, so Kirishima backpedaled a few steps and pinched his nose pointedly.
“Shut the fuck up,” Bakugou growled, stomping past him. “It’s so fucking hot outside, holy fuck.”
“You reek,” Kirishima commented, dancing out of the way with a laugh when Bakugou swiped a sparking palm at him, practically gnashing his teeth together. He wasn't lying, really. When Bakugou wasn't exerting himself, you could just barely smell a hint of burnt caramel, thanks to the nitroglycerin in his sweat, but since it wasn't fully nitroglycerin, too much sweat just smelled gross. “Go shower, I'll make you something.”
Bakugou always liked to have a healthy snack after his workouts, but this time, it might actually be dangerous for him to step into the kitchen with his explosive sweat. A small fire could explode the whole building. He grunted in thanks as Kirishima split off from their path to head into the kitchen, and by the time he glanced up, Bakugou was gone.
Kirishima smiled. This was going to be fun.