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The mug felt almost hot in his hands, as he sat on the floor. Xisuma's starter base wasn't all that warm, so it was a nice thing to hold onto.
The only nice thing.
He was there for a reason; to check up on the admin, and make sure he was okay. Of course he wasn't okay. Who would be, after a year of being controlled with magic? Certainly not the weak Voidwalker.
Ksenya pushed those thoughts away. Xisuma wasn't that weak, he was just caught off-guard. It was enough to force him into blind obedience.
Ksenya kept his gaze down on the mug he held, instead of looking at Xisuma. Even the thought was almost too much.
"Why would you even do that?" Came a quiet question from across the room. They both wanted to keep their distance.
"Greed, I guess. I wanted to be strong, and the way to be strong is to be rich, so-"
"So you needed a stupid puppet to do the work for you?" Xisuma hissed.
Ksenya winced at the thought. "Please don't say it like that."
"But that's what it was, wasn't it? You wanted to be strong, but you knew you couldn't do it yourself. You're a monster."
"I know," Ksenya sighed, "You don't need to tell me."
Xisuma didn't reply. He only glared at the other man.
"Look, I'm sorry. I think."
Ksenya put the mug away. Did he feel sorry? He certainly wanted to. He thought about how he'd feel if he was in Xisuma's place, and it wasn't nice.
After all, he knew how it is to be Xisuma's puppet. But not for power, just for entertainment.
Nonetheless, the memory was one of his worst. Why would he put someone else through that pain? He was promised obedience and he got that, but he never thought about the suffering of a puppet.
He didn't feel sorry, he decided. He wanted to, but that's not the same.
He watched as Xisuma stood up and made an uncertain step towards him. Uncertain because of Ksenya's fear, or his own fear, the clone didn't know. But there was the familiar awkwardness in that, the silent debate whether he should really walk closer. He let Xisuma decide on his own.
Soon, Xisuma sat down again, this time much closer. The distance between them wasn't much, but it was enough - enough to be respectful of their personal space.
"Do you really feel sorry?"
Ksenya shook his head. "I want to."
Did he even want to? Xisuma deserved it.
"Okay, I want to, but-"
"There is always a 'but'." His counterpart muttered.
"Don't interrupt me. I want to, but.. it's like I don't want to want it."
Admitting that felt much better than he thought.
"I don't want your forgiveness either."
"Of course you don't."
Ksenya finally looked up at Xisuma, not quite meeting his eyes. "I'm glad you already know that."
"I'll be honest; I don't really care about what you say. I don't care if you feel guilty or not, or if you want forgiveness."
"You don't want to forgive me as well, right?"
Xisuma only stood up, and headed to the doorway.
"I asked something."
The Voidwalker paused in the doorway and looked back at Ksenya.
"I want to. But it's like I don't want to want it." He replied in a mocking tone.
And he left Evil Xisuma alone.