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(We don't own any characters etc etc)
Steve sighed as the recruitment display lit up, his head barely reaching the mannequin’s chin. He frowned at the sight but before he could process his disappointment more, his shoulder was harshly shoved, startling him.
"Come on," a familiar voice said, and he turned to find Bucky standing behind him, his dress uniform suiting him better than the mannequins Steve had been looking at. "You're kind of missing the point of a double date. We're taking the girls dancing."
"You go ahead," Steve told him. "I'll catch up with you," Steve said, looking around.
Bucky sighed. "You're really going to do this again?"
Steve shrugged and raised his eyebrows. "Well, it's a fair, I'll try my luck."
"As who, Steve from Ohio? They'll catch you," Bucky warned him. "Worse, they'll actually take you."
"Look, I know you don't think I can do this," Steve started to argue.
"This isn't a back alley, Steve. It's a war!" Bucky interrupted.
"I know it's a war, you don't have to tell me," Steve said.
"Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs."
"What am I going to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?" Steve snapped, trying to keep his voice down.
"Yes!" Bucky agreed. "Why not?"
"I'm not going to sit in a factory, Bucky," Steve said "Bucky, come on. There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me."
"Right," Bucky said, sarcastically. "Because you got nothing to prove."
The two friends looked at each other in silence for a long moment, the expo milling about around them, unaware of the dispute.
"Are we going dancing?" Bucky's date called out, from some distance away.
Steve sighed and turned away from Bucky, looking further into the recruitment station at the expo. Bucky had only told him he was being shipped out hours ago, and had brought along two women for their last night out together.
"Yes, we are," Bucky told them, before turning back to Steve.
The friends studied each other again, before Bucky shook his head.
“Don’t do it,” Bucky finally said. “Don’t keep doing it, this.”
“What?”
“Stop it all,” Bucky told him. “Stop trying to be someone you’re not. Steve from Jersey, from Ohio. Steve the soldier. You don’t have to be a soldier to be a good guy, you know that?”
“I need to help where I can, how I can,” Steve reminded him. “You always said you liked that about me, that I took a punch and kept on going.”
“Stop taking punches!” Bucky snapped. “I won’t be here to have your back after tonight. I can’t keep doing it, and I don’t want to be overseas worried you’re getting your ass kicked out here over every little thing you’re trying to fight for.” Bucky paused. “It’s too much, Steve. I can’t watch out for you, and I won’t keep supporting you trying to enlist. You’re not military material, just accept it and find some other way to help, I keep telling you that.”
“And I keep telling you, it’s more than me.”
“You’re so...so stuck in your head, I can’t take it!” Bucky said, trying to not raise his voice and draw attention. “You’re so focused on yourself, and so focused on getting in. Proving something about yourself, and don’t tell me you’re not,” he said, when Steve opened his mouth to argue. “You know what? Go on,” Bucky said, gesturing around the recruitment station. “Go on, Steve from Florida, or whoever you are tonight. Good luck. I hope Uncle Sam finally takes you, because I’m done with you, with this, with us.”
“Bucky,” Steve sighed. “Come on --”
“No,” Bucky said. “I’m not going to keep looking the other way about all this, help you march to more ridicule and disappointment. What do you think will happen if you actually get in? I’ve been through boot camp, Steve, remember? It’s hard for anyone, and it will be harder for you.”
“Why?” Steve snapped. “Because I’m not like you and the other guys? Because I’m smaller, weaker, is that it?”
“It’s just hard,” Bucky told him. “Just don’t do it.”
“Or what?” Steve said. “You’re shipping out tomorrow, and then what?”
“Right, I’m shipping out,” Bucky said, nodding. “So I guess it doesn’t matter, right? I won’t be here to help dust you off when the next person tries to knock your head off in a fight, and I won’t be here if you do or don’t get in the army. So do what you want, because I won’t be here. And you know what? I’m glad about it. Because it’s gotten to be real tiring to be your friend lately. All you think about, talk about, is the army and getting in.”
“It’s important,” Steve countered.
“Sure, fine, whatever,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “You do this again, and we’re done.”
“Bucky, you don’t mean that,” Steve sighed. “Don’t be like this.”
“I’m being honest! Choose, our friendship or the army. And choose now.”
Steve sighed at the ultimatum and looked around. “You didn’t have to choose,” he weakly argued.
“I also didn’t try to break the law,” Bucky reminded him. “I would never put you in a position like this, but you have.”
“Ah come on,” Steve sighed, looking anywhere but at his friend. “You don’t mean that.”
Bucky remained silent, and Steve looked at him.
“Right, Bucky?” Steve pressed.
“It’s my last night here, Steve. Make your choice. This again, or keeping us alive.”
Steve paused. “Just one more try, Bucky. One more, I gotta just try here or I’ll regret it. Something’s telling me --”
“Something’s always telling you what to do,” Bucky interrupted. “And you know where it always leads you? To getting your butt handed back to you, and I show up to stop it or pick up the pieces. So, fine. Do it your way. But forget about me, okay? Just leave it all in the past after tonight. I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say I hope I don’t see you over there.”
And with that, Bucky turned and walked away.
“Bucky!” Steve called out. “Come on, you don’t mean that. Bucky! Bucky?”
But his friend continued to walk, and a bounce returned to Bucky’s step as he neared the giggling girls, holding out his arms for them.
Steve paused, watching them walk away, before turning back to face the recruitment station.
“It’s now or never,” he said to himself, nodding. “Here we go…”
______
Basic training was, as expected, hard. More than hard, especially for a guy like Steve.
He was getting through it by sheer willpower, determination, and grit, not to mention not wanting to disappoint Erskine, Phillips, and Carter.
And Bucky. Above all else, there was Bucky.
Or so Steve thought. He had written a letter to Bucky to inform him he had been accepted after all that night, but hadn’t heard back. Though, Steve figured it was probably taking its time to get overseas and to his friend.
So, Steve spent free time shining his boots, making his bed just so, and writing letters to Bucky.
Most ended up in the trash, as Steve wasn’t too sure of what to say.
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Are you happy I’m in the army with you?”
“Did you think they made uniforms in my size?”
“Do you remember when…”
That last one was a favorite of Steve, who had a habit of thinking about all the good times with Bucky as he fell asleep each night.
Trips they had taken, jobs they had worked together, movies they had watched.
Days upon days at the beach...Steve would often think about their time at Coney Island, a hot spot for anyone who was anyone in and around New York.
He and Bucky would head there early in the day, walk around, swim, lounge on the sand in the sun, then eat too many hotdogs for lunch, hit up some rides, and just bum around the rest of the day into the evening. Heck, they went year round, bundling up in their heaviest coats in the winter just to have time at the beach then.
Steve’s thoughts often drifted to one night in particular, at the start of spring. Bucky was due to head out to boot camp two days later, but they wouldn’t have much of the day before it to hang out. So off to Coney Island they had gone, for one last hurrah.
Following their usual pattern, they lounged on the beach as the sun set, bellies full of Nathan’s hot dogs, as they had decided to go wild and have it twice in one day.
“You worried?” Steve asked, as they sat side by side on the beach.
“About what?”
“Boot camp, training. The unknown.”
Bucky turned to him with a grin. “I love the unknown, you know that.”
“Yeah,” Steve agreed, laughing. “But this is a big deal, you know?”
Bucky sniffed. “Yeah, I know. It’s what I have to do, though, what a lot of us have to. What I want to do. So, it’s worth it.”
“Lucky you,” Steve sighed. “I don’t think I’ll get that choice.”
“We don’t know that,” Bucky gently reminded him. “The world’s a crazy place these days.” He paused and grinned. “Will you be okay without me?”
Steve laughed. “Am I that pathetic?”
“Nah, but I know you get into trouble. Don’t do anything stupid until I get back," Bucky told him.
"How can I?" Steve replied. "You're taking all the stupid with you."
Bucky laughed, a sound Steve knew he would miss dearly, and nudged him. "You're a punk."
"Jerk," Steve said, automatically, returning their usual banter.
“Yeah, well, this jerk’s going to miss you,” Bucky admitted, turning to his right to face Steve. “You know that, right?”
Steve swallowed heavily. “I’m going to miss you too, Bucky.”
Something felt different about that day, Steve would later reflect on. Sure, it was their last day together for how long, but the air was different between them, full of electricity the likes Steve had never known.
No, he would realize. He had known it, dreamed about it, yearned for it.
For Bucky.
The thing was, Steve had realized for some time that he was attracted to his best friend, but wasn’t sure Bucky felt the same. Why would he, when how many dames would throw themselves at him? Surely he could, would do better than Steve.
And yet...when Bucky looked at him, smiled at him, spent time like that with him…
Suddenly, time had slowed down, and Steve swore he could hear the sound of his own heart beating over the crashing of the waves and the cry of seagulls overhead.
“No,” Bucky said, softly, reaching to grab Steve’s hand. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Yeah,” Steve ever so eloquently breathed, and watched as Bucky slowly but surely leaned in, towards him, angling his face.
Steve mimicked him and their lips met, feelings crashing over them as the waves crashed onto the beach, knowing it was the way it was supposed to be.
It was the off season for the shore, so few if any people were out so late, and as the sky darkened they continued to sit there, trading kisses, secrets, stories.
The only secrets, funnily enough, were of how they had felt about each other and for so long.
In his more challenging nights at his own basic training, Steve would think about that night, as he had so many times before.
They had eventually parted ways that day as Bucky needed to do things before heading off, and exchanged letters when they could in the almost nine months Bucky was away, plus the extra time he spent on base before returning to the city again.
Steve, tossing and turning on his standard army bed, began to regret the time and energy he put into trying to enlist, realizing now that he made it a priority when Bucky had returned home.
A priority, instead of spending time with his friend, seeing what they could become. Especially when it was a matter of when, not if, Bucky would ship out. Though, Bucky had been busy for the few months as well, and the world was at war; overall, many things were always feeling a bit hectic.
Still, they had both thought they might have more notice before Bucky would be overseas than they received, and Steve could kick himself for wasting it.
He tried to communicate that in letters to Bucky, and while sure, some mail might not make it to Europe, Steve figured at least a few of his would.
He received only one letter back, one side of a short piece of paper filled. Bucky had, after describing a bit about life in the army overseas, had applauded Steve for “getting what you wanted” and encouraged him to stay true to who he was.
And, lastly, suggested they not write anymore, that it was too hard for Bucky to get letters out.
Steve read between the lines and saw it for what it was - it was too hard for Bucky to read his letters or write his own.
It was too hard, because Steve had made it too hard.
He sighed as he looked in the mirror the night before his procedure, Erskine having just left.
“You wanted this,” Steve told his frail self. “You put this above all else. Yes, you did it for you, and for Bucky. But this is to help others. It has to work out, it has to be worth it. Remember that.”
And with that, he tried to get some sleep, swearing he could smell Nathan’s hot dogs and feel cool sand between his toes once more.
____________
It didn’t matter that Bucky didn’t write anymore, that Steve had also chosen to stop sending letters; Steve still thought of his now former best friend all the time.
Even the day of the procedure reminded Steve of their time together. Especially the day of the procedure...
“I know this neighborhood,” he said as he and Carter were driven there. “I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot.”
“Did you have something against running away?” she asked.
Steve shook his head. “If you start running, you’ll never stop. I used to tell Bucky that all the time, but he still sometimes thought I was just doing it for fun, to prove something.” Steve paused. “He always thought I was out to prove something…”
His mind wandered to his friend as they continued to drive through their old haunts, and it all became a blur of emotions. Starting the procedure, the physical pain during it, the pain of their country being betrayed and Dr Erskine’s death. Starting to embrace his new body, as he took off after the assassin.
Looking at himself in the mirror that night, trying to unwind from the day, Steve didn’t recognize himself. Gone was weak little Stevie Rogers, and here was...who was he?
“I’m still me,” Steve told himself, trying to believe it. “I’m here, inside. And I’m going to do what I enlisted in the army, in this project, to do.”
However, he tried to tell himself this same mantra when, weeks later, he was Captain America and making moving pictures, touring the country, hyping up civilians to buy war bonds and fight Hitler.
A smile here, a punch to a fake Nazi there, kiss that baby, shake that hand, and he was starting to buy into it all, embrace his new role.
“You’re doing great,” everyone said. “People are happy, bonds are through the roof, and you’re a symbol of peace, strength, of the true American spirit!”
And Steve believed them, he really did.
Until he got to Italy.
For while he thought he was a true soldier at home helping his country, the sullen faces of soldiers in the field were a stark reminder that he was not one of them. He was not laying down his life for the war like they were, like Steve had told Bucky he would how many months ago.
Bucky….
Steve searched the crowd as their jeers began, wondering if, against all odds, his friend (former friend, his mind reminded him) was there. But there was no Bucky this time to save him from having things thrown at him and booed off the stage.
“Somethings don’t change, I guess,” Steve sighed to himself.
And the rain fell later, Steve sat alone as began to draw himself - the dancing star spangled monkey - as he continued his self-pity party.
He was glad for at least one familiar face of Agent Carter.
“That was quite a performance,” she said, as she folded her jacket over her arm.
“Yeah, uh... I had to improvise a little bit. The crowds I'm used to are usually more…” he trailed off, unsure of what else to say.
“I understand you're America's new hope,” she commented, having not seen him for some time.
“Bond sales take a ten percent bump in every state I visit,” Steve sighed, bitterly.
“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?” she countered.
Steve frowned. “At least he's got me doing this. Phillips would have had me stuck in the lab.”
“And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey?” she challenged. “You were meant for more than this, you know.”
Steve sighed again, at a loss for words. It felt like the same discussion he had had with Bucky at their last fight. Then, talking about his little red wagon. Now, being America’s dancing monkey.
“You know,” he began. “For the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines. Serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I'm wearing tights.”
They were interrupted by Phillips calling out for Carter, and Steve followed, listening to them discuss a HYDRA base.
Something snapped in Steve. Maybe it was fury at being in tights and not in a regular uniform. Maybe it was anger at Bucky and their last fight. Maybe anger at himself, for not fighting for himself and what he wanted more, but he snapped, insisting he go and try to help Bucky’s squad, to help Bucky.
“You heard the Colonel, your friend is most likely dead,” Carter reminded him.
“You don't know that,” Steve sighed, as he began to sort through gear.
“Even so, he's devising a strategy to take --”
Steve paused and looked at her. “By the time he's done that, it could be too late! You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?”
“Every word,” she said, and Steve nodded at her sincerity.
“Then you gotta let me go”.
“I can do more than that,” she assured him, and before long they were in Howard Stark’s plane, reviewing what Steve would do, how to let them know to circle back.
Truthfully, Steve didn’t know what he was doing, but he felt in his heart that Bucky was alive, and that meant others were alive there too.
And if nothing else, Steve had to try to rescue them, to bring them back to base.
He was just glad he wasn’t wearing tights to do it.
____
Running around the outside grounds of the base, he tried to keep a low profile, using his army training to sneak around and look for the best possible entry.
Up and over a tank to a rooftop, he snuck inside, willing away fears as the enormity of the inner workings of the base began to instill self doubt in himself.
“Too late to go back,” he told himself, as he passed a lab table with what looked like the serum that made him this version of himself on it.
Slipping some into a pocket, he soon found himself on a catwalk above cages, of all things, holding allied prisoners, and soon secured keys to give to them.
“Who are you supposed to be?” one asked, looking up at him.
“I’m Captain America,” Steve said, slightly out of breath, continuing to look around as he jumped down and opened cage after cage.
Still, no Bucky, though he wouldn't give up. Not yet.
“Is there anybody else?” Steve kept asking. “I’m looking for a Sergeant James Barnes.”
“There’s an isolation ward in the back of the factory, but no one’s ever come back from it,” someone told him.
“Right,” Steve said, giving the group directions of where to go to meet up before he headed out to look for Bucky there, fearful of what he might find.
Down older, dirtier hallways, Steve wandered, looking for Bucky, noting the area was a vast difference from the cleaner, shinier rest of the factory.
A small man stared at him down one long, darkened hallway before running away. Steve ran after him but paused at an open doorway spilling light into the hallway, unsure of what had just occurred.
He passed through the doorway and there, against all odds, was Bucky! Strapped to a metal table, muttering random words, letters, and numbers, but still!
“Bucky! My god!” Steve called out, as he began to free him from his bonds.
Bucky turned his head to look at him, dazed. “Is that --”
“It’s me, it’s Steve,” Steve said, his heart soaring. All memories of bad blood between them were gone, he only wanted his friend back now that he had him again!
“Steve,” Bucky said, smiling softly, as Steve helped him to stand.
“I thought you were dead,” Steve said as he cupped his friend’s face, looking him over to check for injury.
“I thought you were smaller,” Bucky replied, but before Steve could respond, a large explosion rocked the facility.
Steve led the way back from where he had come, Bucky stumbling beside him, asking questions about the new Steve.
“Is it permanent?”
“So far,” Steve told him. “Let’s get out of here and we can talk more later.”
But their original way out was blocked, so up, up they went, before finding themselves face to face with Zola.
Somewhere, Steve’s brain registered that for once, it was him fighting the “big guy” and Bucky backing him up, but he soon shook that away.
They had to get out, to survive, that was all Steve was focused on. And when Zola had left, and Bucky had barely, just barely made it across to some semblance of safety, they were left with another divide between them.
If they could find each other after ending their friendship, after Steve changing, after Bucky being taken to isolation, Steve wouldn’t let his friend go again.
“I’m not leaving without you!” Bucky yelled at him, and Steve felt happier than he had been for some time.
Bending back the rail, he prepared himself, trusting himself to find Bucky, and took a leap of faith, literally.
“What are you, again?” Bucky asked, surprised to find them face to face again.
“Captain America,” Steve said, grabbing his hand and pulling him away.
They made it out, joining up with the soldiers who had survived fighting for their freedom, and when Steve realized his transponder wouldn’t work, the group set off on foot to return to base.
Bucky was at his side the entire time, though the group largely all walked in silence.
Occasionally, Steve would look over, and their eyes would meet before one or both looked away.
As dawn fell over the forest and the adrenaline from the night began to leave him, Steve’s mind wandered to Bucky.
He was safe and sound, or at least appeared to be so. And was with him, Steve had found him, rescued him! But, his mind flashed back to the night of the expo, to Bucky’s letter during basic training. Steve knew he’d be a fool to think that was all water under the bridge now, but he also knew he’d be a bigger fool if he didn’t fight to rekindle their friendship after everything that had just happened.
The group eventually made it back to base, to the surprise of everyone there, and celebrated with food, water, coffee, and medical care.
Steve debriefed Carter and Phillips before heading to the medical tents to look for Bucky, though he was told his friend was being assessed and to come back later.
Trying to be patient, Steve waited until he was cleared, but then Bucky was asleep, or appeared to be.
Try as he might, Steve couldn’t quite get alone time with Bucky while they were in Italy to discuss anything personal, though he was still grateful to have him alive and together again.
Finally, as a number of the troops were in a bar in London, the opportunity presented itself.
The SSR were looking to take out HYDRA bases, and Steve had advocated for him to get a team himself, including to be able to choose them, and he looked no further than some of the men he had rescued from the first base. And Bucky, he knew he had to have Bucky.
“Let me get this straight, we barely got out of it alive, and you want us to go back?” the group asked, as they sat around a table in a dark pub.
“Pretty much,” Steve admitted, and to both his surprise and gratitude, they agreed.
Well, all but Bucky, who stood and left as soon as Steve had presented the idea.
Agreeing to get the next round of drinks, Steve escaped to the bar, wandering around its dark counter to look for Bucky.
Bucky shook his head as he took a drink. “They’re all idiots.”
“Well, how about you?” Steve asked, as he sat to Bucky’s left. “Are you ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”
Steve meant it as just a formality, and was trying to be humorous in the situation to appease the tension that lingered between them. He had wondered for some time if Bucky had kept him at arm's length, ensuring they never had time to talk outside of group settings, but right now the other man couldn’t escape him.
And yet, his answer stung.
“Hell no,” Bucky said.
“What?”
“What?” Bucky asked. “I said no.”
“Bucky,” Steve sighed. “You know what HYDRA can do, what they did to you. If I hadn’t gotten you out --”
“Is that what this is all about?” Bucky snapped. “You rescued me, sure. I’m glad, believe me. But don’t sit here thinking I owe you for it, that I have to join your group and risk my life on reckless missions.”
“They’re not reckless,” Steve replied. “We’re working with a new division, with strong intel and weapons and --”
“This isn’t a game, Steve, you know that. Sure, you traded your show uniform for some real duds, good for you. And you did one mission. One. Some of us have been in the trenches for months.”
“So what will you do? Leave the army? You’re still enlisted,” Steve shot back. “Join us and do something big, Bucky. With me, like we used to.”
“Like we used to?” Bucky sighed as he drank. “We’re not who we used to be, what we used to be. Shit, look at us, we’re not anything like we were,” he said, gesturing to Steve.
Steve looked at them, and had to admit, his friend had a point. No longer was Bucky looking out for little Steve. Even their appearances in that moment were vastly different. Steve was clean cut, hair perfect in his immaculate dress uniform. And Bucky was in a field uniform, hair tussled in a way that had no business being as attractive as it was, as he was.
Thoughts of Bucky in that way stirred something in Steve.
“We can still go back to it,” Steve pleaded. “Back to us, what we were. You and me, Bucky, I want us to get there. I’ve...I’ve missed you. Even through all this, you were always on my mind.” He paused. “It has to be you, Bucky, it’s gotta be you.”
They sat in silence for a long moment, alone in the midst of a busy pub.
“You and me,” Bucky repeated. “We ended back before I shipped out. I told you then, you’ve made your choices, and we weren’t one of them. I’m not leaving the army, but I’m not joining your group. I won’t watch you try to continue to prove anything, try to get yourself killed chasing some dreams of honor and valour.”
“You think that’s why I went into the base? For that? It was for you, Bucky, because something told me you were there, alive. How else do you think I actually found you?”
“And I appreciate it. Thank you, oh Captain,” Bucky sarcastically said. “But a true soldier doesn’t throw something like that back in a person’s face. You don’t remind a guy of how you helped him, that you rescued him.” Bucky looked at him and frowned. “You’ve still got a lot to learn, Steve.”
Steve sighed. “So that’s your answer?”
“I’m not joining,” Bucky repeated. “Goodbye, Steve,” he said, turning his attention back to his drink and signalling the bartender for a refill.
Steve watched him in silence for a moment before standing and leaving.
As he was headed back to his group’s table, Carter, in full dress uniform, stopped him.
“I see your top squad is prepping for duty,” she said, smiling softly at the now raucous group, singing and cheering their new jobs.
“They are,” Steve said, sighing. “All but one.”
She looked around him at Bucky. “No luck?”
Steve shook his head. “Our friendship died back in New York, I was just hoping I could revive it. I guess he’ll go back to the front lines in a few days, once he’s been fully medically cleared. Could you….could you keep an eye on him, his division, while I’m gone?” Steve asked.
Carter nodded and smiled. “Of course,” she said, and Steve gave her a soft smile as he headed back to the table.
Carter watched him go before turning and looking at Bucky, moving to take the seat abandoned by Steve.
“Don’t waste your time,” Bucky said, without looking at her. “If Steve asked you to talk me into joining his little group, just don’t.”
“On the contrary, Sergeant Barnes,” she said, and Bucky turned to look at her. She signalled for two drinks of whatever he was having. “I have a different job proposition for you.”
___________
The war continued, unfortunately, and Steve entered a new phase of work with the Howling Commandos by his side.
He had asked Carter to keep him updated about Bucky. Nothing specific, he didn’t want to know details, didn’t want to worry about him. Again.
“Just let me know if anything happens to him,” Steve had requested. “That’s all.”
Carter agreed, and time passed.
Captain America and the Howling Commandos began to make names for themselves, in the way Steve had always wanted to. Not for his performances on stage, but in the field, in the army-army, as he thought of it.
No longer dancing, now dodging bullets, tanks, taking out HYDRA bases and getting the SSR information to help turn the tides.
Yet his brain still deceived him, and he couldn’t help but feel the sting of rejection at Bucky’s decision to not be part of this, with him. At nights he would think of how Bucky would have wanted to approach the bunker or outpost they had claimed, or the interrogation tactic he would have offered.
And when Steve and the Commandos were on top of a snowy hill one day, waiting for the HYDRA train, his thoughts strayed to wild rides at Coney Island with his friend. They felt like a lifetime ago, and maybe they were, Steve ruefully thought. Their friendship, and whatever else they could have been was long gone.
But the Commandos were his new friends, his new family, and Gabe Jones was as good a partner on the train that day as Bucky could have been.
And when Carter and Phillips praised the team’s successful raid on the train, Steve allowed himself to accept it, and not wistfully think of a certain dark haired someone.
Zola was captured, the train used for the Allies, and the Tesseract now housed in an SSR lab to be studied. Finally.
That proved to be a defining moment, but not the end. Zola sung like the caged bird he had now become, and the team returned to the snowy Alps to attack Schmidt’s fortress.
Steve knew that it was not just his team there, that other teams from the SSR were working in conjunction with each other.
For the SSR had grown in wartime, as many departments around the world did. Teams would hear snippets of information here and there, field gossip, almost. This team captured that bunker. Some other team freed a camp. That team had begun hunting HYDRA and Nazis around the world, as enemy soldiers began to flee Europe seeking safety they did not deserve.
Still, it was a good thing so many converged on the fortress as it was unsurprisingly quite fortified, but the allies took it in less time than they expected.
Technology from Howard Stark and a well-placed spy undermined Red Skull’s escape attempt, and the plane he had hoped to fly away in did not even so much as take off.
The last push, it turned out, was focused on the last known HYDRA base, in Austria.
Carter joined Steve and the Howling Commandos in the field for it, and General Reinhardt and an Obelisk became property of the SSR, thank you very much.
The war soon ended, and soldiers around the world were given time off, at least for those who were not returning home and out of the military just yet.
For Steve, it was never a question of leaving the military. He had fought too long and hard to get in, and combined with his new abilities, he couldn’t imagine doing anything but continuing to fight for peace and justice.
After all, history had taught the world that only some semblance of peace existed outside of outright wars. And the Tesseract proved that there was a whole other side to the world that most people didn’t even know about.
With all that, Steve did allow himself to have a week off to rest and recover in London, as the SSR was being dismantled.
It was, in some ways, bittersweet, but everyone knew that the program was just being relocated back to its original home, in a sense. Founded by the USA, it was moving back there after the war, to a revamped and more secured location, as well as more branches.With the war abroad done, the SSR was no longer needed to work directly out of Europe, so Steve stayed to help pack it up, before giving himself one more night in London.
To his slight chagrin, when he returned to the States by way of New York, he was pulled into...touring. On stage. Again.
“It’ll be good!” new senators assured him. “We need the post-war publicity. A thank-you tour, if you will! To our boys who served, their girls who stayed home waiting. The families who sacrificed.”
He couldn’t really argue with it, and Carter had assured him that while the SSR was being re-established, he had the time for it.
And so, back on stage he went, with pretty girls left and right, though he of course had no interest in them. He had no interest in anyone, really, but felt content on his own. The lull of travelling around the country kept him distracted. This train, that city, this plane, that town.
Two months flew by, and he was finally relieved of that duty.
Steve hopped on the first flight he could to New York, where he stayed for one night until he was to be picked up and taken to the new base.
He had fought the desire to go to his and Bucky’s old haunts. Bucky, as it was, had continued to haunt him in memory; he didn’t need the physical ghosts from their pasts as well. Steve had not heard anything about his former friend, and trusted Carter would have alerted him if something had occurred. But he couldn’t help but think about him. Where had Bucky been sent back out to? How did he leave the war? What would he do now?
Trying to shake himself from those thoughts, Steve allowed himself to instead indulge in some tried and true American, New York foods, reliving his younger days.
And, when the army transport turned down a familiar road the next day, Steve laughed.
“This is the new base?” he asked.
The driver nodded. “New old base, sir,” he said, as they entered Camp Lehigh.
The very same Camp Lehigh Steve had gone to upon entering basic training. The same place the SSR had begun their programs at; they seemed to have returned to their roots.
It was different, naturally, Steve noted, as they drove through it, as a light rain started to fall.
Yes, there were still people milling about, and even a squad or two training. He smiled at memories of the long runs he had worked to endure once upon a lifetime ago.
“Sir,” the driver prompted him, as he parked in front of a nondescript base building.
Steve thanked him and exited, nodding at the military police standing on either side of the doorway.
“You can leave your bag here, Captain,” a young blond woman said at the front desk of the building, once he had entered. She gave him a too-wide smile and he nodded, returning a small one of his own and dropping his standard army-issue duffel bag next to her desk.
“Captain Rogers,” a voice called out, and Steve turned to see Carter standing at the start of a hallway, smiling at him. “You finally made it.”
“I had to take the long way around the country to get here,” Steve laughed, and walked towards her.
Peacetime suited her, he thought. She was still in her usual military dress uniform, but she wore light makeup, and her hair was a little longer, a little softer, with a fashionable swirl pinned up near the front.
“Have you been well?” she asked as they walked down the hallway.
“As well as I could be,” Steve replied. “The war is over, I’m alive. I have no complaints.”
“That’s fair enough,” Carter commented. “The world war may be over, but peacetime is not fully present.”
“Hence the move, I take it?” Steve asked.
Carter nodded. “There is still much to be done to tie up our wartime efforts. More escapees to track down, and we have intel that there are more bases to investigate. They likely have no real threat, but we need to check them even so. Our teams are regrouping and reforming to go back out, or to join the ones who have remained in the field.”
“So all the stories about there being a lot of teams in the SSR were true,” Steve mused. “I mean, I knew we worked with some, I just didn’t know how many there were beyond that.”
“Yes, we were never a small show,” she agreed. “And we’re growing even more. Changing, too. The Strategic Scientific Reserve is on its way to becoming the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division, or SHIELD.”
“Only homeland?” Steve asked.
“For now, but eventually more, likely,” Carter replied. “We’re balancing our focus on threats from home and abroad for now, and we’ll see what will happen. If SHIELD becomes more international again, so be it. Our members will go where they are needed.”
“Good to know. And the Howling Commandos? Are they still part of it?”
“They are,” she assured him. “They had time off and re-deployed while you fulfilled other responsibilities.”
Steve sighed. “That’s one way of putting it. I should’ve been out there with them, not here prancing across the stage.”
Carter paused and gave him a small smile. “We all have to do what we have to do. For what it’s worth, I’ve ensured that was to be the last PR stunt like that you’ll do.”
Steve exhaled. “No more stages, tours, movies?”
“None, unless you offer to do them,” she said. “Though, I expect your autograph will still be requested by the public,” she teased, before they continued to walk.
“I can live with that,” Steve sighed. “What’s the plan for now?”
“We’re having a briefing to discuss that,” Carter said, stopping by a closed door. “You can wait in here, I’ll let Colonel Phillips know we’re ready.”
Steve nodded and opened the door as she walked away.
He stepped into the room, and paused as his jaw dropped.
There was someone else in the room, standing near the windows on the far side, a conference table and chairs filling the space between them.
As the man turned, he smirked.
“Well, looks like the princess finally joined our tea party.”
“B-Bucky?” Steve asked, breathlessly, eyes wide.
“In the flesh,” Bucky said, leaning against the windowsill.
“I...you…” Steve stammered, looking at his former friend, and taking in the man’s appearance as the rainy skies gave way to soft sunlight that streamed in through the window behind him.
Bucky was, in some ways, the same Bucky Steve always knew. He was a little older, wearier, a little more muscular. Time in the field would do that to someone, Stever thought. His hair was a little longer, and instead of being parted on Bucky’s right, he had switched it up and parted it on the left, in contrast to Steve’s own short hair that did not need to be styled.
Similarly differing, Steve was wearing his standard army green dress uniform, including the jacket, ribbons, and medals. Bucky, on the other hand, was in a more casual dress uniform, all black. Black dress shirt tucked into black dress pants, with black shoes, black belt, black tie. Gold US insignia gleamed on his collar, complemented by a matching tie bar. A few colorful ribbons of his own appeared almost out of place on his left chest.
The sight made Steve’s mouth go dry.
He yearned to say something, but couldn’t think of anything. He had not, for a moment, thought he would actually see Bucky again, and certainly not here, not today.
“Isn’t that a naval uniform?” Steve heard his own voice croak out, betraying him.
Bucky looked down at himself and shrugged. “Yeah. I wasn’t exactly expecting to be called in here from the field, so I asked the first military depot I was near for something polished to wear. Have to say, I don’t hate it.”
Steve nodded, drinking it in more.
“What...what are you doing here?” he asked.
Bucky smirked. “Same as you, I suppose.” He frowned and looked Steve over. “Well, not exactly. While you were off hobnobbing with the country, I’ve still been in the field, until a few days ago. Putting in some real work, you know how that is. Or, you did know.”
Steve sighed. “It wasn’t my decision to tour, I was forced into it.”
“Sure,” Bucky mocked him. “Looks like it was a real hardship, being on stage, smiling for the camera. You’re good at it, don’t quit your day job.”
“My day job is here, with the SSR,” Steve spat out, irritation replacing previously felt emotions at seeing the other man again. “Which you would have known if you had joined me back then.”
Bucky stood and moved from the windowsill, bracing himself on the conference table across from Steve.
“Why, because you think you were the only way to win the war?” Bucky snapped. “That the Howling Commandos and good ol’ Captain America saved the day themselves?”
“We did a lot,” Steve countered, anger now welling up inside of him. “And what did you do?”
“I joined the big fight too,” Bucky said, giving Steve his trademark smirk. The one that could apparently still make Steve go weak in the knees…
“What?”
“You heard me,” Bucky told him. “I got recruited into your club, but I didn’t need you. Guess you weren’t enough for them. Didn’t you hear? They had teams all over, not just yours.”
Steve’s mind began to race, anger fading away at the surprise of it all. “I heard that, everyone did,” he said, nodding numbly. “You were on a team?”
“I led the team, pretty boy,” Bucky quipped. “You’re looking at the leader of the Winter Soldiers.”
“That...that was you?” Steve asked. “I heard of them…”
Bucky nodded. “Of course you did. We made a name for ourselves, and never backed down from a mission.”
“Neither did we,” Steve informed him.
“Sure, sure,” Bucky said, waving it away as he stood straighter. “But you were the pretty boys, the ones on camera to show back home folks.”
Steve paused, he couldn’t argue with that. There were, from time to time, SSR cameras with them to record it to show the higher ups what they did.
Before he could respond, however, the door behind him opened.
“Rogers, Barnes, sit your scrawny butts down,” Phillips barked out, and the men did so, on opposite sides of the conference table, across from each other. Phillips sat at the head of the table, Carter to his right, next to Steve.
“We brought you both here to review next stages of missions in Europe for us,” Phillips began, opening a file folder. “A few more bases to look at, check to see if they’re still active, if there’s anything or anyone to retrieve. Your teams will be working together for it, we need all the help we can get.”
Bucky and Steve nodded and the briefing continued. They would get some new gear on base, and fly back to Europe within the following two days to meet up with their teams.
From there, they would take a separate base each, and meet up at a rendezvous point to see where to go after that
“You’ll start with your regular teams, but we may mix and match you,” Carter informed them. “Whatever is best for the job.”
Steve nodded, and glanced at Bucky, who was reading the dossier that had been given to each of them.
“Dismissed, let’s get this show on the road,” Phillips said, closing the folder and leaving first.
Carter was next out of the room, and Steve quickly followed her.
He lightly grabbed her elbow and pulled her down a hallway.
“What was all that about?” he hissed at her.
“What?”
“Bucky? Here? Alive and here? Working here? Now working with me? Here?” Steve asked her.
Carter frowned at him. “We were not about to let a good soldier go just because the two of you were feuding,” she told him. “Especially when we realized HYDRA had injected him with some of the same serum we used on you.”
“They did?” Steve asked, surprised.
She nodded. “Not as much, and it’s affected him differently, but he’s another of our super soldiers,” she said wryly. “Regardless, he’s a good soldier. I invited him to still join us when he declined to join the Howling Commandos. It was a wise move for all of us.”
“You could have told me sooner!”
Carter sighed. “I did as you asked, to tell you if anything bad happens to him. Nothing bad happened, so I had nothing to report. You didn’t ask for me to tell you what he was up to otherwise. Besides, I thought you might enjoy a surprise reunion,” she laughed.
“I wouldn’t describe it as enjoyable,” Steve groaned. “We’re not exactly team material. And now we have to work together?”
“For the good of the world, captain,” she said, straightening his tie. “For the good of the world.”
________
Time at Camp Lehigh passed quickly. Steve and Bucky met with Stark and Carter to go over new technology to use, got fitted for new gear, and selected some for their units. They ate in the mess hall at separate tables, and neither paid the other much attention.
Steve didn’t particularly like the tension between them, but what could he do? He had nothing to apologize for, and he truthfully didn’t think Bucky did either. Though, it had been Bucky who decided to end their friendship, even if he said it had been due to Steve’s actions of joining the army…
They soon found themselves on a military flight to Europe, sitting across from each other. Bucky immediately leaned against the seat and fell asleep, as any soldier would do before entering the field.
Full of energy, Steve stayed awake for a bit, reading, then sketching. Surprisingly, he found himself stealing glances at Bucky, drawing him in his field notebook. They were both in olive green field uniforms for the flight, which was far easier for Steve to draw than a dress uniform. His eyes strayed to the pile of gear further down the cabin, wondering what Bucky wore in the field...
When they landed in London they departed the plane for smaller planes to their respective areas. Bucky, into Germany. Steve, to Austria.
A member from each of their units was there to greet them and help get the gear onto the next plane.
Dum Dum waved at Steve from where he was standing next to another soldier, and the two shook hands before moving to join their respective leaders.
“Good guy, that one,” Dum Dum told Steve as they grabbed bags. “That team sounds pretty alright, from what he said and what we’ve heard.”
“I guess,” Steve said, trying to avoid thinking about it.
“That their leader?” Dum Dum asked, glancing over his shoulder at Bucky. “He looks familiar.”
“He was in your unit in ‘43, in Italy,” Steve said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“That’s right!” Dum Dum said, nodding. “And now we’re all reunited, excellent!”
He continued to chatter while loading gear, a welcomed distraction for Steve.
When everything was loaded, Steve turned to look at the other group, but saw Bucky’s back retreating into his plane. No goodbye, nothing.
Steve sighed and turned to his own task at hand, willing away rising disappointment.
____
Both missions, it turned out, were successful, and the teams met back up at an old SSR camp in France. Well, camp was putting it loosely, it was in several barracks at a military airport, but it fit the job.
“A few days to rest, then back into the field you go, all together now,” Carter cheerily told them as she dismissed the group.
The teams began to gather their gear to settle into the barracks they would call home for a few days, already bonding over war stories and a desire for some palatable food and drink while on base.
“Barnes, Rogers,” Carter said before they left. “Any concerns about the mission?”
The men shook their heads and she pursed her lips.
“Any concerns about working together?” she asked.
“I’m a professional,” Bucky sighed. “I can’t speak for both of us, but you got nothing to worry about with me.”
With that, he left, and Steve looked at her as he shrugged.
“Play nice,” she offered, and he sighed.
“You could have told him that,” Steve grumbled, before leaving as well.
To his surprise, when he arrived at the barracks it was nicer than he expected, with smaller bedrooms built within it rather than the larger main one he was used to. Each room, it seemed, had two bunkbeds in it.
He walked down the hallway, finding that his men were cheerfully bunking with Bucky’s men as he glanced to and fro, looking for a spare bed for himself.
“Down the hall, cap,” Jones called out. “Last door.”
“You’re not pulling a prank on me, are you?” Steve replied as he passed Jones’ door.
“Nah, we all just saved the real officer’s one for you,” Jones told him.
Steve nodded, flattered by their thoughtfulness, until he pushed the slightly ajar door that read “CO” on it fully open.
This room was smaller than the others, but also had only two single beds on it, along with two tall lockers, two desks, and two chairs. So, smaller, but more comfortable, as it were.
Except for the fact that one bed already had someone’s bag on it.
“At least there’s two beds,” Bucky quipped without looking up from where he was putting some of his belongings on the desk by the bed he had claimed. “Or that would’ve been something straight out of a book.”
Steve couldn’t help but allow a small smile at it. “I didn’t know you were in here,” he said, unsure of what else to say.
Bucky, back still partially turned towards him, shrugged. “Our guys decided to bunk us together, I had no clue before I came in myself. A bed’s a bed,” he said, shrugging again.
“I’m going to see what’s for dinner,” Bucky announced, before leaving.
Steve sighed as he stood in the now empty room, rubbing a face over his forehead as he tried to begin to think about how to get through all of this.
___
Unsurprisingly, SHIELD fed them well for their time on base, and the group took advantage of it, as well as the French wine that flowed. For that night, at least, as they didn’t have long on base
The group took several bottles back to their barracks to lounge together in a common space, getting to know each other more. Wine flowed, jokes followed, stories were told, retold, and then one-upped.
Bucky and Steve mingled with the group, meeting each other’s men and finding the other team to be as strong and warm as their own.
Steve stuck to water that night, as usual, but Bucky partook in the festivities and by eleven at night, the group was largely drunk and began to trickle off to their bedrooms, some taking bottles and cups to continue the party there.
Steve had already entered their bedroom and changed for bed, laying in it in his pajamas reading. It was a strange luxury to do that in between missions, and he mentally thanked SHIELD for providing it. R&R anywhere was enjoyable, but there was something special about it in a casual military setting that made it a bit different, a bit more effective.
A short time later, the door opened, and a semi-drunk Bucky stumbled in, closing the door behind him.
Steve couldn’t help but watch as Bucky finished his drink and left his cup on his desk, running a hand through his dark hair.
Bucky hummed as he stretched, the hum turning into a yawn. Still stretching, he turned to look at Steve.
“You don’t drink?” Bucky asked, and Steve shook his head, eyes now glued on his book.
“The serum,” Steve explained. “I don’t feel it, my body processes it too fast.”
“Huh,” Bucky mused, scratching his chin. “I can still drink and feel it, but I have the serum too.”
“It affects people differently,” Steve commented, turning a page.
“You can say that again,” Bucky laughed. “Look at you. You’re...you.”
Steve shrugged, and Bucky yawned again, turning to begin to change.
Try as he might, Steve couldn’t keep his eyes from darting across the room. He had seen Bucky shirtless plenty of times before, but not this Bucky. Not this more muscular, mature Bucky.
Steve’s mouth ran dry at the sight of his muscled back, and when Bucky bent down to pull off his pants, Steve’s eyes widened and he willed himself to at least look at the pages in front of him, not making any sense of what was written.
He sensed Bucky hanging his pants over his chair and moving to sit on the other man’s bed, facing Steve.
Looking at Steve.
“You okay?” Steve ventured, eyes on his book.
“No.”
Steve raised an eyebrow as he finally looked over at the other man.
Big mistake.
Bucky was wearing only his boxers as he sat on the edge of his bed, feet on the floor, dog tags glistening from their place on his firm, firm chest.
“You’re big,” Bucky drunkenly commented, looking at Steve, whose top half was somewhat covered up by a military green tanktop, his bottom half under his blanket.
“What?”
“Your muscles. You got so big. So different from what you used to be,” Bucky sighed.
“I’m still me, Bucky,” Steve softly said. “Only my body changed.”
Bucky laughed and smirked. “Only your body changed,” he repeated. “You changed,” he said, looking at Steve and swaying on the bed slightly. “You choosing all this, you remember? Way back when,” Bucky said, gesturing with his hands widely before planting them on his upper thighs, elbows out to the sides.
“I didn’t want to have to choose between you and it,” Steve said, surprised at this unexpected discussion. “You didn’t have to choose,” he recalled his long-ago words.
“I didn’t want this for you, Steve,” Bucky sighed. “I didn’t want you in danger.”
“So, you could be in danger, but not me? Is that it?”
“Yes,” Bucky sighed. “No. I mean...I wanted you safe. I didn’t want to lose you. We had so much we were going to do, then I suddenly got shipped out.”
“You chose to lose me,” Steve snapped. “When you suggested we not write anymore. Remember?”
“I said the mail was difficult,” Bucky slurred.
“Bullshit,” Steve said. “You were running.”
“Yeah, fine,” Bucky snapped back. “I ran. I ran from you getting in the army, from the fear that I would get a ‘dear John’ letter myself. Or worse, find out you had died. That what you want to hear? That I didn’t want to hear all that? That I wanted you safe and sound back in New York?”
“Well, sorry to disappoint you,” Steve bitterly said, and the room sat in tense silence for a moment.
“You don’t disappoint me,” Bucky finally said, looking at the floor. “You never did, and you never will.” He laughed, a sad laugh. “Look at you,” Bucky said, doing so himself. “You’re Captain America,” he smirked. “You do no wrong.”
Steve swallowed heavily at the unexpected sentiment. “I shouldn’t have fought with you before you shipped out,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Bucky.”
Bucky waved it away and sighed as he flopped back onto his bed, looking at the ceiling above from where his head lay on his pillow.
“Look at us,” he began. “The two boys from Brooklyn, working here, now. Together. Who’d have thought?”
Steve laughed. “Yeah, I can barely believe it myself.”
They sat in silence again, not looking at each other, before Bucky announced that he was going to sleep, and Steve turned out the light.
After a moment, Bucky spoke.
“You ever miss it? Back home?”
“Sometimes,” Steve said into the darkness in their room. “I missed it more being back there without you last time.”
“Yeah,” Bucky agreed. “Me too.”
And with that, they fell asleep.
___
Steve had always heard that drunk conversations were a thing, but he had never really experienced it like that one. More surprising was the result from it.
Bucky, drunk as he had been, clearly remembered it, and when Steve next saw him at lunch the following day, having woken before Bucky for a long run, some tension seemed to have been lifted.
They were not exactly friends, but at least they could comfortably work together for this mission it seemed, as they sat at the same table at lunch and later met with some of their men and base staff to review intel.
Their next few missions would be the start of their joint ones, the two teams mixing to make up smaller, specialized units.
Any concerns anyone had about the teams working together had long since been dispelled, as their men got along great. True, they had worked within their smaller teams for several years, but they recognized the talent and camaraderie in each team and it fostered the start of a new, better, stronger unit, led by two dedicated men.
The only real cause for concern, it seemed, had been in Steve and Bucky getting along. And now that they had had their small heart-to-heart (not that anyone but them knew that), it looked all the more hopeful that successes lay ahead.
The initial missions were about working their way through largely abandoned HYDRA bunkers in Germany and Austria. The first step was always to do a sweep for traps or mines, then to send in their explosives men to check for any rigged lines at the start of the bunker. Most bunkers had been destroyed by HYDRA when retreating, but the ones the teams were looking at hadn’t been, for whatever reason. Some were left carelessly, others perhaps the explosives were faulty. Some were likely left in tact due to a belief HYDRA would soon prevail.
Next was to check they were abandoned, to capture anyone found there or nearby. Even civilians were to be brought to local authorities to be questioned, as there was always the chance that soldiers may have disguised themselves to avoid capture. Then, the teams were to investigate the bunker from top to bottom, retrieving any information they could, including using new technology (and their wits) to look for hidden passages, safes, anything.
Anything beyond that that could be salvageable they would do what they could with it. If, say, there was something in there that could be easily brought to the closest village and donated to the town, whether to help the town or be sold (art, furniture, fancy dishes), they would, so long as they were back on the road within a day. After a bunker was deemed complete, the final step was to detonate explosives and remove all traces of said bunker so that it didn’t fall back into enemy hands. Especially as HYDRA were known to be wily and there was always a chance that the SHIELD teams had missed something, no matter how thorough they tried to be.
At the first of said bunkers, the teams went in as a large unit, to finetune their techniques together as best as they could and have some baseline to work from. The group split off into smaller units so that those with the same roles and/or specialties could work together, as they would be sent off separately from then on.
Bucky and Steve roamed around the bunker, checking on teams and checking in with each other. They had not talked about that night, though it had been almost a week since, and still shared sleeping quarters wherever they were, but there was a level of...something above acceptance, but not quite friendship between them.
That changed when they took off a few days later with mixed teams, Bucky with some of the Howling Commandos, and Steve with some of the Winter Soldiers.
They took down two bunkers each, fairly successfully and with no trouble. The teams reconvened for the next bunker, as it was a larger one that had some recent reported activity; a few individuals coming and going here and there.
The night before, the teams set up camp a fair distance away, cooking dinner together and sharing recent stories of their adventures.
Steve and Bucky went over the guard roster for that night’s watch and retreated to their tent by ten, with many others doing the same. It was a little chilly, and any extra sleep that could be claimed in the field was welcomed.
The two nestled further into their sleeping bags, unconsciously moving closer together for more warmth.
“Any other thoughts about tomorrow?” Steve asked.
“I think we’ll be okay,” Bucky said, sighing. “Another day in paradise.”
Steve couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve heard good things about you from your men, and mine.”
“Same,” Bucky agreed. “Not that I’m surprised.
Steve felt his face heat up despite the chill in the air. “Thanks.”
They laid in silence, Steve unsure if the other man had fallen asleep.
“Big base tomorrow,” Bucky murmured. “We have to be on our toes, and work together, Steve.”
“Always,” Steve agreed. “I’ve got your back, Bucky.”
“Me too,” Bucky yawned. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
____
To Steve’s surprise, he woke up face to face with his...teammate? Co-captain? No, Bucky had wanted to remain a sergeant, though it was inevitable he would be promoted to a higher rank soon, whether he wanted it or not.
They weren’t quite friends yet, but it didn’t matter what their title was, Steve thought. He was just glad to have him back in his life, and to be back in Bucky’s.
He studied the other man’s face. Bucky was relaxed, the way he used to look. Softened features, hair tussled just so.
Steve smiled remembering watching Bucky fuss over his hair in the past, wanting to look effortlessly cool.
“You have to put in effort to look like you didn’t,” he would always tell Steve. “It’s a thing.”
Now, it seemed, he really didn’t have to. Or was it just that he always looked, seemed great to Steve?
Bucky shifted and yawned, slowly opening his eyes, peering into Steve’s own.
“Hi,” Bucky sleepily greeted him. “What time is it?”
“We should probably get up in a little bit,” Steve told him in a low voice.
“Okay,” Bucky said, yawning again. “How’d you sleep?”
“Pretty good,” Steve said, thinking about it. Better than he had in some time, he thought.
“Do you remember that one trip we took,” Bucky began. “And how every morning we started our day stumbling into a different diner wherever we were?”
Steve smiled at the memory. “We had to have coffee and apple pie, maybe some pancakes too.”
Bucky nodded, smiling softly. “When we’re back home, I’m going to do that again, for like a week straight. Start my day with coffee and apple pie, no matter what.”
Steve quietly laughed. “Good to know you haven’t changed in some ways.”
“You say that like you won’t do the same thing,” Bucky countered.
“No, that’s true,” Steve admitted. He began to wonder about what being back in the states would mean. Would they be there at the same time, in the same place? Would they ever sit together to have coffee and pie again? Would it ever be in the morning together, like how they used to?
These thoughts were replaced by thoughts Steve had squashed down long ago...letting himself wonder about what it would be like to wake up next to Bucky in other circumstances. Nicer circumstances. A real bed, a real room. No barracks or tents. Having real coffee and pie, then starting their day together…
Steve cleared his throat to shake himself out of those thoughts. No sense in jumping ahead, when he didn’t even know what today would bring them.
They soon got up and dressed. Their field uniforms had long ago changed and now Steve wore a more rugged version of his stage outfit, a white star over his blue chest, white and red elsewhere contrasting with his blue pants. More practical gear, like gloves, boots, and a helmet finished his look.
Bucky wore a more truer field uniform. A dark blue winter coat with comfortable brown pants tucked into combat boots, holsters around his hips and over his shoulder. In cold weather he’d add a wintery hat cheekily perched on his head.
Before long, the men were all up and having breakfast, checking their gear one more time before starting the journey to the bunker. They left their camp area up with two men staying back, in part to guard it though it was well disguised, as well as to be a last resort to catch any signs of distress, should the others not make it back. The two would hightail it out of there if it happened, and relay information to the local SHIELD operatives.
The almost mile-long hike was uneventful, and soon they were only using field hand signals to communicate. Nothing tricky outside the entrance, which was good. Steve and Dum Dum went in first, giving the all clear sign, allowing the explosives men to enter. Bucky remained outside with the others, and soon another positive sign was given.
More of their group headed in, with some remaining outside to keep watch. Bucky and Steve went to separate areas, with one team focusing on the front part of the bunker, and another heading to the farthest area. The plan would be to meet in the middle, so that if anything went wrong, at least some could still get out easier.
Bucky was with the rearmost team, and they went room to room, finding some maps and information. For this mission, given the size of the bunker, it was decided to only collect intel, not salvage things for the locals.
Their technology and experience were successful, and some hidden safes and drawers were found and opened.
As his men worked, Bucky would remain in the corridor, keeping an ear and eye open so his men could work easier.
They had made it to what Bucky recognized to be near the halfway point when he heard commotion up ahead.
Gabe Jones, on Steve’s team today, ran towards Bucky.
“Gunfire exchanged above, we should start to head out just in case,” he quickly said.
Bucky nodded and turned to share it with his team. They grabbed what they had found in the room and secured it on themselves, starting to head to the exit.
Bucky paused and ducked into an open room, something standing out to him.
“What is it?” Falsworth, on his team for today, asked him.
“I’m not sure,” Bucky said. “I smell something.”
He quickly moved around the room, before stopping at the desk and opening a drawer.
Looking up, he frowned.
“Cigarette, still smells strong. Put out more recently than this place was deserted,” he told Falsworth.
The other man cursed and the two left the room, heading towards the exit.
“Let’s go, let’s go!” Steve was shouting, as he stood outside the entrance in the fresh air.
The once quiet forest around the bunker was now broken by sounds of cursing, two men spitting German profanity at the group from where they sat restrained on the ground.
“Everyone out?” Bucky asked him, as he emerged.
“Now that you two are here, yeah,” Steve told him. “Our guys were ambushed but took them out.”
“I think we took them by surprise more than they got us,” Dernier told them. “I also doubt they were expecting so many of us. Probably thought we were local vandals at first.”
“Good job, everyone,” Bucky said, before turning to Steve. “Do we go back in, or call it a day? My team got pretty far.”
“Us too,” Steve said.
They looked around the scene, considering what to do.
“I think we could be good, it’s not worth it to nitpick,” Steve finally posed. “Some is better than none. If these guys were coming out here so early in the day, who knows what could be waiting for us if we stick around?”
Bucky nodded. “And we’ve been setting up explosives where we were. Let’s blow it and turn these two in.” He looked at the men. “Any thoughts on their connection?”
Before Steve could reply, the men began to yell “Heil HYDRA” loudly, before they were gagged.
“That answers that,” Steve said, shaking his head. “We’ll have to get them to a local base rather than the next town.”
Bucky nodded again. “Let’s start radioing this in,” he called out, and their communications guys set to work. “See if we can get a local pick up for our new friends.”
The group began to set out, with Steve and Bucky waiting with the main explosives team, who were setting up the main set at the start of the bunker.
“It’ll trigger a chain reaction, bigger than usual,” one of them told the leaders. “We’ll give us a headstart, but keep your heads down and your hats on either way.”
Steve and Bucky exchanged a look, both raising their eyebrows and shrugged.
Soon, the group was also departing the area in a different route than they had arrived on, on watch for any other intruders.
Steve and Bucky took up the rear, keeping an eye on the bunker area should anyone else appear as they were leaving. Bucky was also softly keeping count to the explosion.
Just as he was nearing the end, a voice could be heard emerging from the bunker, pledging allegiance to a familiar organization.
Bullets could be heard hitting trees they had just passed, and without thinking, Steve turned back towards the bunker, facing Bucky who had been behind him.
“Duck,” Steve said, and Bucky did so just before Steve whisked his shield away towards the enemy.
“Got him,” Steve said, nodding, as a soft thud was heard and the bullets stopped. “Stay down,” he said to Bucky, guiding him behind him as the shield came rocketing back.
Bucky watched as Steve deftly caught it, placing it back on his arm.
“Something’s not right,” Bucky said as he straightened up.
Steve turned to look at him. “What is it?”
“The explosion, it should’ve happened by now,” Bucky said.
They looked at each other.
“Do you think he did something to it?” Steve asked, and Bucky shrugged.
“It’s possible. We may have to go back and check it out. I mean, one of us. I should,” Bucky said.
“I can do it, I’ve got a better chance if it doesn’t go well,” Steve argued.
“Which is why you need to stay in one piece,” Bucky said, starting to head back. “I’m going, you go ahead.”
“I’m not leaving you again,” Steve called out, heading after him.
They had never made it terribly far from the bunker, but as they reached sight of it, still a ways off, the explosions began.
Bucky cursed. “Get down!” he called out.
They weren’t close enough to risk anything happening...probably...but they still had to find some cover in the light forest surrounding the bunker.
Bucky pulled Steve over to where a tree had fallen, pulling them both to the ground behind it, laying on their sides to squeeze behind it more..
Steve rolled to be almost on top of Bucky, covering their upper bodies with his shield, and moving a leg over Bucky’s own.
They looked at each other in the slight darkness underneath the shield as dirt rained over them, faces inches apart, panting as they tried to catch their breath, and to quiet their heavily beating hearts.
“I think it worked after all,” Bucky laughed, and Steve couldn’t help but do the same.
They stayed like that for a moment, both looking at each other and avoiding doing so, until the sounds and storm stopped.
Standing, dirt fell from the shield, more of which they shook off their uniforms as they surveyed the area.
“Success?” Bucky asked.
“I’d say so,” Steve replied. “Let’s get out of here.”
And so, they returned to catch up with their team, relaying to the team and through the radio of the mission (briefly), and figuring out where to meet to drop off their guests.
_______
Not every mission went well, as was to be expected. Some went fine but the teams found no actual intelligence or anything to help them. Others were trapped and not worth risking anyone. And some had more surprise guests, leading to a fair amount of fighting.
After one such turn of events, Steve was recovering in a hospital in England, his body taking its time in waking overall, and then in being awake more regularly.
On his first full day of being awake, Carter arrived, going over his medical chart and the mission details.
“Where’s the team?” Steve asked, having been away for almost a week.
“Out in the field as of this morning, they had some time to rest themselves,” she told him. “We also needed time to flesh out some information.”
“Oh,” Steve said, feeling slightly disappointed to not be with them.
“He was here, you know,” she said, as she stood to leave, needing to meet with the doctors.
“Who?”
Carter smiled. “Who do you think? Every day he was here, until you were in the clear. I had to send the team out just to give him some peace of mind finally. It wasn't a coincidence they were given orders to leave once you were deemed to be in the clear.”
And with that she left, leaving Steve alone in his hospital room, smiling as he looked out the window.
___
While Steve had not been seriously injured, he was encouraged to take some time for extra training, and when the team had returned a week and a half later he met up with them at their current base in Italy.
Often sharing a room or tent with Bucky wherever they were, no longer feeling it to be a place of dread.
“I thought Captain America didn’t get hurt,” Bucky teased one morning as they left a barracks. “Super serum?”
“I’m not invincible,” Steve laughed. “But I can’t be careless,” he said, as he stretched to go on a run. “You want to join me?” he asked Bucky, slightly nervously.
“We haven’t gone on a run together in years,” Bucky laughed. “You sure you can keep up with me? You struggled to back then.”
Steve felt his face heat up. “I think I’m a bit stronger now, Buck. Or are you scared I’ll beat you?”
“Beat me?” Bucky asked, smirking. “Beat me?”
“Yeah.”
“Sure, Steve, let’s see if you can beat me,” Bucky said, starting to stretch as well.
Soon they had taken off, running mile after mile. Day after day they did that, when not on missions, testing their bodies. Eager to see what the serum had done, still did, to and for them.
Their mile times grew shorter, but their runs grew longer, pushing each other, testing, boasting and gloating. Hour after hour they spent together on runs, their banter turning into teasing that danced on the edge of...flirting? Possibly.
And when they returned to wherever they were residing at to shower, separating to grab clothes and towels and part ways, both stole glances over their shoulder, not catching the other doing so.
____
Life continued like this for three more months. More missions to take out bases, bunkers, and strongholds. Most successful, but by now things were winding down far more, as time moved forward and the strength of HYDRA during the war dissipated.
Steve began to imagine what could have been, so long ago, if…
If he and Bucky had never fought before Bucky shipped out. If Bucky had joined the Howling Commandos. If they had gotten along sooner.
If Steve made a move…
That one he often wondered about, as the two had been on good terms for quite some time now. Working well together, no animosity or bad blood between them. If anything, it felt like the good old days, with the added responsibilities that comes with wartime (and post wartime, he noted).
Still, he didn’t want to ruin what they had rebuilt, and nothing ever crossed any lines. No touches, no sharing beds, anything like that. Did Bucky still have the feelings for him he had admitted to once upon a trip to Coney Island? Steve had no clue about it, and wasn’t sure how to proceed, if he should.
In a way, he had to laugh - he mimicked himself back then too. Wanting to tell his friend how he felt, scared of rejection, daring to dream that his feelings would be returned.
Though, they had been, once.
Only once? He wasn’t sure.
And so he decided to keep things to himself, for now at least. Maybe one day he’d bring it up again, but not yet…
___
At the end of the summer, the team was told they’d be returning to the States in early September, with some time off before regrouping to see what lay ahead.
As happens in life, they did not return until mid September, and after some lengthy debriefing on base in New Jersey, they were not free until near the end of the month.
“What will you do?” Carter asked the men as they left a meeting.
Many shared of wanting to travel, going to this or that state, some wanting to head to the west coast for the beach, others to lakes for fishing. Others to gamble in Reno or Vegas, maybe just Atlantic City even.
“I’m thinking of heading back to New York for a bit,” Steve said, looking at Bucky. They had discussed it once or twice, in passing, but now it was more of a possibility.
“Yeah, me too,” Bucky agreed, grinning at him. “We could hit up some of our old haunts, see what life looks like there. Have some good food.”
Steve nodded. “That sounds good,” he sighed. “When are we off duty?” he asked Carter.
“In two days,” she told them. “I’ll see you a few weeks later.”
They bid her goodbye and went to join their men to finish whatever they needed to on base together, not giving it another thought until Carter passed them at breakfast on the first day of their rest.
“I took the liberty of splurging some of our funds to give you a proper holiday,” she told the two. “I booked you a room in the big city for a few nights, a driver will take you there. Under Barnes' name,” she added, walking away before they could do more than thank her.
The two looked at each other with raised eyebrows and shrugged.
“I had no clue,” Steve admitted. “It’s nice, either way.”
Nice didn’t begin to describe the fancy hotel they were dropped off at a few hours later.
Bucky whistled as they looked up at the outside. “Man, when we were kids we could only have imagined staying somewhere like this.”
Steve laughed. “I think we’ve done more than either of us could have imagined one way or another. Let’s head in,” he suggested, and they did, finding the lobby to be even grander than the outside.
Both were extremely glad to have worn dress uniforms for their entry, as they would have felt out of place otherwise.
Bucky headed to the main desk to check in, receiving two room keys for the same room, and they headed up to the fifteenth floor.
“Remind me to thank Carter when we get back,” Bucky said, as they headed down the plush hallway.
Arriving at their room, he opened the door but paused when he stepped inside. “Wow,” he breathed.
A step behind him, Steve entered and paused as well. It was a large room, with a sitting area and large windows overlooking a busy street.
And, most importantly, a bed. A real bed!
Not just one bed, Steve noted, having feared some meddling occurring on their behalf. Two large beds were the focal point of the room.
“These look amazing,” Bucky sighed, as he put his bag on one. “I’m afraid to sit, or I might not get back up.”
Steve laughed as he put his bag on the other bed. “It is tempting,” he sighed. “But so is some good food…”
Bucky nodded and the men quickly changed into civilian clothes to head out on the town in the early fall air, the rest of the day ahead of them.
They wandered around Manhattan, stopping here and there while also plotting out what they would do, eat, and see for the next few days, before catching a glimpse of a weather forecast.
“It might rain the next few nights,” Steve said. “You know what would be fun to do tonight while it’s still dry?” Bucky shook his head. “The beach.”
Bucky grinned. “That sounds perfect, I could go for some Nathan’s!”
So off they went, catching the train uptown to Coney Island, wandering around to see what had changed and what was still familiar.
As evening began to fall, they finished their multiple hot dogs and wandered down to the beach itself, sitting on the still-warm sand, listening to the waves rolling in not far from them.
They sat in silence for some time, lost in their own thoughts as they sat near each other.
Eventually, Steve broke the silence.
“Do you remember the last time we were here?” he asked, still looking out at the ocean.
Bucky nodded. “I do, just before I headed out to basic training.” He sighed. “God, that was a lifetime ago.”
“I know,” Steve softly laughed. “We were such kids, thinking we were all grown up.”
“We were, somewhat,” Bucky sighed. “It was wartime, everyone grew up fast then. Now look at us,” he said, smirking. “Off to war and then some, fighting the good fight.”
“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Doing it all, together, even after all this time.” He paused. “I’m glad to be with you for it all.”
Bucky turned to look at him, Steve doing the same. “Me too,” Bucky said. “I’m glad you didn’t fully change, with everything. You’re still you, I mean.”
“I wouldn’t change like that just because I got a new body,” Steve scoffed.
“Body, rank, joining the army,” Bucky reminded him. “A lot happened, but I like that you stayed true to yourself.”
Steve nodded, at a loss for words, and they looked back out at the ocean as he thought about Bucky’s words. He was once true to himself here, could he do it again?
“Do you...do you remember what we talked about the last time we were here?” Steve asked, glancing at his friend.
“Sure,” Bucky said, running a hand through dark locks of hair. “The baseball games we would catch when I got back, the fights you were sure to get into.”
Steve laughed. “Well, yeah, those too…”
“The feelings we had,” Bucky said, catching Steve off guard.
Steve looked over to find Bucky watching him.
“Had?” Steve asked, both wanting and not wanting an answer.
“You pushed me away, choosing the army,” Bucky said, shrugging. “It really pissed me off. And then being Captain America, asking me to tag along with your team,” he said, shaking his head as he recalled it. “Like I’d just always be at your beck and call.”
Steve didn’t reply, he didn’t know how to. As the waves rolled in, his stomach began to sink like the setting sun. Sure, things with Bucky had improved, but there had for a time been so much bad blood between them...Steve mentally shook his head at himself. He couldn’t really expect Bucky to just let things be, after all that Steve had done…
“But somehow, I always knew it was good intentions,” Bucky admitted, and Steve looked at him, his gaze moving from where it had settled on the sand in front of them. Bucky shrugged as Steve’s eyes widened. “You had something to prove, whether you want to admit it or not, but I know you wanted to do your part with everything. And since we always did things together, why wouldn’t you invite me to be part of it with you?
Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair again, Steve silently watching every movement. “And if Carter hadn’t come right after with her own offer, who knows what might’ve happened,” Bucky laughed.
Steve shook his head. “I might not thank her for the room when we get back after all,” he sighed. “But I guess it all worked out.” He paused. “I really am sorry, Bucky. I never wanted to choose anything over you, I just wanted what you had, to do what you did, be with you like that.”
Bucky looked at him and gave him a soft, slightly lopsided smile, that made Steve’s heart soar. “I know. But I’m not apologizing for what I said or did, for the record,” he said, nudging Steve’s shoulder with his own.
Steve laughed. “I wouldn’t expect you to.”
They sat in silence again, this time a more comfortable one.
“So when you say you had feelings for me,” Steve suddenly began, but was silenced when he felt Bucky’s warm hand on his cheek, pulling their faces close suddenly.
Warm lips pressed on his own, and Steve smiled against the other man’s mouth.
“Good enough answer?” Bucky asked, pulling away slightly.
“I could do with more information,” Steve replied, moving in for another kiss.
It deepened after a moment, but they soon pulled apart when they heard voices on the boardwalk, reminding them they were still in public, albeit quite a distance from others on the darkening beach.
Bucky stood and held a hand out to Steve, who accepted it to also stand..
“While the beach is fun, let’s head back and see where the night takes us,” Bucky said, as they began to walk towards the boardwalk, dusting sand off of themselves.
As they headed to the train and waited for it to arrive, glances were no longer stolen, no longer hidden.
And when they sat side by side heading back to Manhattan, fingers intertwined, it felt like no time had passed from that last night at Coney Island. Only now things would be smoother for them, having overcome so much already.
They couldn't wait.
