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i'm gonna fight 'em all

Summary:

The Mandalorians are fearsome warriors sworn to protect the royalty of the kingdom. Sworn in at a young age, they spend their lives training to be able to best any warrior that could pose a threat. If, under a rare circumstance, the King decrees it, they will be banished from their castle, their armour marked with their sins.

Din Djarin has just been banished on his first day living his purpose as a Mandalorian through no fault of his own. An assassination attempt on his king was too close for comfort and everyone in the room was forced to suffer. Standing outside the castle gates in a city he has never been in before, he must decide what his future holds. At least he has one friend on his side.

An AU that could honestly be its own work, but was started as a Mandalorian fic and by God will remain a Mandalorian fic. (Crack AU treated way too seriously and you’ll find out why later. This summary starts at chapter 1)

Credit for the title is from the song Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes

Chapter 1: The Prologue

Notes:

We don't apologise for this. At all. This was inspired by a tag on a different crack fic but it'll take 6 chapters to explain why this is crack, not including the prologue. It's treated far too seriously for what it is. With all that said, please enjoy this poorly written chaos. We could write better, we choose not to.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Now this was interesting. The Oracle stared at the prophecy laid out before her, the glow of her eyes dimming as the magic within her settled. Din, the child before her, swam back into focus. He blinked owlishly up at her, but she knew he wasn’t actually paying attention at his age. She internally cooed at how cute the child appeared.

 

As always, their visions were divided into one clear image and swirling colours along their peripherals. The swirls would tell a more complete story of his life, while the image was a clear moment that would shape it. Deep blue, purple, pink, red, traces of black, orange swirled around in the edges of their vision. A happy life, but one he'd have to suffer for. They had no idea how the black chaos would come into play, but from the way it intertwined with the purple of royalty, the King had to play a part. A future Mandalorian, given the Armourer had brought him, at the mercy of the King. The blue certainly meant adventure, yet the red pain meant it was at the cost of something. Yet in the image, a moment that would shape his future, all they could see was pink and red. Family and pain. The family was probably a child, given the size of the lil’ guy in the image. Pain… they could not see how it fit into the image itself, but both of them were covered in it in a swirling mess.

 

That could be enough, he'd given out prophecies with less concrete visions, but he just couldn't help himself, he had to know how the purple strands of royalty factored into things.

 

Examining the aura of the child in front of them, all they could see currently was a cloud of purple and hints of blue, a development that made xem hesitate. The sheer amount of purple told xem that this child was destined to rule, but without any indication that would tell the Oracle how he was to get there. If he had the Veraday bloodline, (which he must, otherwise there would be more red pain and black chaos woven throughout. As it was, there was only the ambient chaos that indicated the King was involved), it was a nice change of pace, predicting a relatively peaceful event in the life of those who appeared to be cursed by that name. Xe did not believe in gods, however it was hard not to think the Veraday family had girlbossed too close to the sun at one point, resulting in a god or a higher power cursing them with despair. (Whilst xe did not understand what “girlbossed too close to the sun” meant, xe figured it was the right phrase to use.)

 

“Dear Armourer," the Oracle said. "I regret to inform you but this child will rule the Kingdom. I cannot see the exact series of events but one this cute ruling will be to the detriment of us all.” She pointed at Din in an accusatory manner. He giggled at her theatrics. “Raise him well, like I know you can, and I believe all should be fine. Hopefully. From what I could see he does grow into a fine young man, so you must do something right. Before you get snippy with me, he carries your symbol in what I see. You raise him.”

 

The Armourer remained silent, staring at the Oracle. Someone else might have been confused by the word dump, but the Oracle knew she wouldn't be. Fae decided giving them time to process this would be the correct course of action and started cooing at the little one. In the next moment, the Oracle’s arms were full of said squirming child as the Armourer walked out of the room, walk purposeful. If she needed a minute to think about it, fae wouldn't take that from her. Fae smiled, as this would be the perfect chance to investigate to see if fae could uncover how he would become royalty, but faer thoughts were brought to a halt by a scream from the deepest parts of Din's little lungs. The Oracle groaned, as whatever pleasant evening they had been hoping for was now definitely shattered. With a heavy sigh, they took the even squirmier Din to faer bedchamber to try to relax with the child. 

 

There was a reason they'd never thought about having a child of their own, the cuteness would never be worth high-pitched wailing in their ears. But they assumed their dear Armourer would not be back for a long time, and then it would be all her problem. Hopefully he wouldn't have to see Din until he'd grown up.

Notes:

Thank you for reading! We hope to gt the first chapter out a bit later today, but that's unlikely. Once we get the first chapter out, we'll aim to upload once a week but we are uni students so we'll see how that goes. The tags will update with chapters so make sure to check them lest you be surprised!

19/01/25 Edit: might not have posted anything in 2024, but at least we re-wrote this chapter! (...in 2025)